#i've been saying i want to know more about other breach operatives but at what COST...........

[drinkingdeadpeopletea]

becoming a magdalyne and nicholas fleit stan immediately. jesus CHRIST man.

#midst #midst podcast #midst spoilers #midst podcast spoilers #i've been saying i want to know more about other breach operatives but at what COST........... #quickest turnaround time i've ever experienced of being introduced to a character deciding i love them and having them be dead #(don't let me fool you here i'm completely delighted about this entire thing.) #what a way to give Shape to the undercurrent of fear in the entire breach operation. harry and saskia probably KNEW them. #jesus christ the timeline even lines up that SHERMAN may have..... #parody of myself moment learning this and going 'ah. so THIS is what hieronymous is risking if he gets caught.' #i'm going to make up SO many things in my head about maggie and nick fleit. #i hope one of them (presumably nick) did get away i think that would be kind of awesome.....

[lowhowl]

Hey, so I'm kinda starting to put a lot more focus into personal projects (currently writing the script for my next video) and as much as I was hoping to avoid this, I'm going to have to place this blog on hiatus until I start to get muse again, even if 'hiatus' is just tumblrspeak for 'So long, losers.'

I'm not going to definitively say I'm going away, or that I'll come back, but a lot of my inspiration for writing has gone elsewhere and I'd much rather pursue that than risk burning myself out.

I can be reached at my twitter @/WebbedSpiders (slight nsfw warning, account is minors dni) where I'm a lot more candid, mostly tweet at other creators, post my own stuff, and complain; or my Discord, for close mutuals.

also, a bit of an addendum below the cut- it's under a cut specifically bc it waxes negative but I feel like it's important to say because it is cutting into my ability to write here.

fair warning, I'm going to be very blunt and kind of serious with my words here. this also isn't an invitation to discussion, I am plainly stating my thoughts and I will not be swayed.

disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone. please, for the love of the gods, do not take any of this as 'oh did I do something?' you didn't. This is more about how the roleplay community as a whole operates, and no single person can be blamed for any of this.

There's always an air of pressure about Tumblr communities. In the time where I've just been here talking to people, interacting, not really causing problems as far as I know, I've still managed to get softblocked by people just because of association or because I don't mention something at all.

And while it's well within the right of these people to do this- these systems exist so you can curate a safe corner for yourself- it has still created a lot of stress for me and it has lead to me overly moderating and overanalyzing a lot of my own posts, and worrying about what exactly I'd done to push these people away. To be brutally honest, that's not fun and is not conducive to a creative platform. Logging on to realize that threads you were very much looking forward to have effectively been dropped forever is disheartening.

and I think the argument of "well you should think about why you got (soft)blocked" in regards to if I'd done anything wrong is bullshit, because in every case that someone has broken mutuals with me after there's been an amount of IC interaction, there's been no discussion. There's been no clarity. Which means that there's no direct path to improvement or closure unless I go around asking other people why I was blocked, softblocked, whatever, and I'm simply not going to do that because that feels like a breach of privacy. At the very least, it comes off as an indication that the other person simply does not want to interact with you and does not want to even talk to you.

Should note, this doesn't really bother me if it happens with people I haven't really spoken to. This is more of a 'I thought we established we were cool' thing. I know I'm also guilty of this in some cases, but at the same time- I do regret doing it. I hate that it's just accepted as a product of the systems this community has set up, and I feel like everyone- no matter how severe their actions- deserves to at least know what everyone at least thinks or knows they did.

I'm also not stupid, I know that this is just the community that Tumblr has curated over the years and I understand that this is just how it operates, but I'm starting to realize that maybe this space just isn't for me. Creating for myself without the necessity of leaning on others for continuous threads has really broadened my horizons and made me feel like I can do a lot more. I still love Whisper. I still love writing. but if I'm going to continue with this blog down the line when I have muse again, I'm going to be very selective and it's going to be very sparingly. I've found a passion I care about- something that I can actually put all of my creative skills towards that can reach an audience- and I'd much rather focus on that.

If you read all this, thank you, but also. I'm sorry? This probably reads as aggressive and upset- but I've been holding on to a lot of these complaints for upwards of years from how long I've been on this platform, floating between roleplay communities, but I can't hold it in anymore. I hate to say it, but in the time I've spent away from Tumblr, I've just felt better.

#🐺 ✧ 🗲 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗻𝗲𝘁𝘀 ▬ OOC #tw negative

[mydaroga]

In case anyone's following along, a few quotes and thoughts about my reading of Tune In. Prologue edition!

I’ve wanted a history of deep-level inquiry where the information is tested accurate, and free of airbrushing, embellishment and guesswork, written with an open mind and even hands, one that unfolds lives and events in context and without hindsight, the way they occurred...

This is very nice. But coming into this book, knowing only what I've heard, I am wary. Not about specifics and I've no idea what Lewisohn's own possible biases might be. But I've heard WAY too many people (with platforms) gush about how we'll finally have an unbiased, utterly factual, definitive book. And that's just not how brains work, so this is a lovely thought but it worries me that he thinks he can come at this after decades of being steeped in this culture with an open mind--and that people seem to accept it. I am not saying anything against him here--merely pointing out that even journalism has moved away from the notion that you CAN abandon your prejudices.

“Once I got to know John it all changed,” he’d recall a decade later. “I went off in a completely new direction.”

Oh Paul. This is precious. As is:

John was floored by Paul’s uncanny ability to mimic that screaming and hollering voice. Everyone was amazed by it. Ian James, Paul’s best friend before John came along, says Paul would often break into it without warning, as if Little Richard was trapped inside him and occasionally had to surface for air.

I just can't with this image but you know, we don't even have to imagine it. I love it so much. Also shout out to Ian, whom Paul clearly ghosted once that Lennon boy happened to him.

It was only because Jim wanted Paul to stay away from the troublemaker Lennon that he was sagging off school, courting trouble like he’d never done before. (So it was “Dad’s fault.”)

"In spite of all the danger/In spite of all that may be..."

Paul had a tendency to perfection but John was always restless to move on, keen to try something new.

Interestingly, I think this is generally true but there are definitely times in his life and work Paul seems to have called it good and moved on. I'm still working out in my mind where that goes or what the difference is.

Unable to describe the melody, they decided early on that if they couldn’t remember something the next day, they could hardly expect it to stick in the mind of anyone else, in which case it was “crap” and deserved to go. But sometimes Paul wrote atmospheric directions. For one song it was “Ooh ah, angel voices.”

Oh my god I love him. Also I've heard that bit about assuming it's crap if they can't remember it and it just speaks to how naturally gifted they were, to remember what they did.

Neither planned to do anything with these songs (to send them off to singers, publishers or record companies) but they agreed—by actually discussing it, albeit briefly—that each could continue to operate independently, writing songs on his own and then bringing them to the other for approval and the joint Lennon-McCartney credit. “We decided on that very early on,” says Paul. “It was just for simplicity really, and—so as to not get into the ego thing—we were very pure with it.”

Ok but... Does he mean they agreed on this so that ego would not become a thing? I really really need more about this decision. It's so bizarre. On every level.

John would call it “a sibling rivalry … a creative rivalry,”

Flagging this for myself because I'm wondering how much this plays into later, not just creative, but personal/emotional decisions.

When Paul was heading home on late winter afternoons he’d try to steady his nerve by playing guitar and singing at the top of his voice. If anybody came along he’d immediately stop and pretend it hadn’t been him, but on one occasion he was halted by a policeman. Paul felt sure he’d be arrested for a breach of the peace but the cop asked him for guitar lessons.

Never heard this and I am DELIGHTED by this detail. Paul aggressively singing to himself but denying all responsibility. Classic.

I thought John and Mimi had a very special relationship. She would always be making fun of him and he never took it badly; he was always very fond of her, and she of him.

I never know how much stock to put into Paul's observations about John's family or mental state but his saying it is still really interesting.

Paul remembers how they spent time trying to anticipate the next music trend, so they could write a song in that style. Convinced that rock and roll would die at any moment, corporate America was trying to kill it, to save time, by kicking off the next kooky craze. John and Paul gave it some thought too, conjuring odd fusions like Latin-rock and rock-rumba and … then gave up. They learned that forcing an idea never worked, that songs had to come naturally.

God. It kills me how utterly focused they were. I've definitely known people like this even as this age. But it's unusual, and it must have been even more so before the Beatles had come along and charted a path. Just imagine little John and Paul sitting there trying to be market research dudes!

“John’s family was rather middle-class and it was a lot of his appeal to me. I’m attracted to that type of person, particularly in the British. John had relatives up in Edinburgh and one of them was a dentist—none of us knew people like that. So I was attracted to that. It wasn’t a social climbing thing, it’s just that I find it attractive.”

Seen this quoted here before, but it's so interesting. I have lots of thoughts about Paul's ambition and the way people talk about it that I'm not really qualified to share given my non-Britishness, but I'll just say I sometimes think he gets too much flack for his desire to seek out a different sort of life and leave it at that.

For Paul McCartney, who had a fundamental need to be noticed, stepping forward with John was a natural move—he was aligning himself with someone people couldn’t avoid, and who thrust two fingers up to things in a way he envied but would rarely do in full view. At the same time, Paul could apply gloss, where needed, to minimize John’s trail of damage. Their musical group was formed in John’s image and driven ever onward by his restlessness, but without Paul he would have upset too many people too many times to make the progress they both craved.

I'm torn with this passage here, because I agree with it in many ways, but it also feels a little like he's overstepping into speculative analysis? Which is also his job in a way, so I'm not sure why I'm simultaneously nodding along and side-eying. Maybe because it makes it sound rather calculating, but for one thing is true whether Paul was deliberate about it or not and for another, that's actually a totally valid choice regardless!

Anyway that's it for now. Still getting used to his writing style, which I find somehow portentous, like he's aware every moment he is Writing About the Beatles. And still trying to put my finger on what about that is rubbing me slightly wrong. But so much information!

#please tell me if this is annoying! #Kris reads Tune In #mark lewisohn #kris talks a lot

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff. MENTIONS OF SMUT

[Author's note: I forgot to mention that I assumed that the army burial grounds were in Capital Mitras, given that its the safest place within the Walls. The burial grounds doesn't necessarily have bodies underneath the headstones as many survey corps soldiers don't have their bodies recovered after expeditions. There's a different section in the burial grounds for soldiers whose bodies weren't recovered. The headstones there are cluttered together.]

No one's POV

(Y/N) was sitting with Levi in a carriage. Levi held her close to him, with one of his arm around her. He was genuinely worried about her as he witnessed her going through one of the toughest situation a person can possibly go through. Levi knew that because he went through something similar when Kenny left him. (Y/N) told him all about how things went with Pixis on their ride to the military burial grounds. (Y/N) rarely cried and watching her cry made his heart wrench. He wanted to see her happy for every second of her life. Sure, she was trying her best to accept the situation as it is but he knew that she was torn inside. It was just a matter of time before she vented it out. They were on their way to the scout regiment branch. Hanji and the others were already there and they were running late. Levi and (Y/N) had to report to Erwin just as they reached and Levi had a bad feeling that Erwin must've known everything about (Y/N).

After reaching, the first thing they did was going to Erwin's office. Hanji was in there when they entered. She just reported about the mission. As she was leaving, she gave (Y/N) a sympathetic smile before getting out of the room. (Y/N) and Levi reported everything related to the mission before (Y/N) started, "and, I found my biological mother." looking straight at Erwin's eyes. Erwin shifted in his seat. He didn't expect to hear this. "I see. Did you talk to her?" he asked softly. "Yes. Did you know about Commander Pixis, Uncle Erwin? That he's my biological father?" (Y/N) asked, with a cold stare at Erwin. Erwin sighed at that and said, "Yes I knew. He mentioned it when he asked me to train you."

"Ah. And why didn't you ever say it to me?" (Y/N) asked in a cold voice. "(Y/N), you had a good family. If I told you about it, you would've wanted to go to Commander Pixis and of course, you would've been disappointed. I rescued you from that place, (Y/N). I didn't want to see you get hurt anymore." Erwin said as he got up from his seat and walked towards (Y/N). (Y/N) sighed at the reply. He wasn't wrong. She was glad that he didn't tell her about it when she was younger. She probably wouldn't be able to accept the situation. "Uncle Erwin, I had to ask something from you." (Y/N) looked away from Erwin and said in a soft voice. "What is it?" Erwin asked. "I want you to walk me down the aisle." (Y/N) told Erwin, still looking away.

"I.. I'd be honoured to do that, (Y/N)" Erwin answered, surprised by the sudden request. He saw (Y/N) almost like a daughter and he knew that he was a father figure to (Y/N). It was natural that she would ask him to do this at some point but it still surprised him, given that he hid the fact that Pixis was (Y/N)'s real father and that (Y/N) just recently found out. "Uncle Erwin?" (Y/N) called out, throwing Erwin out of his thoughts. "Yes?" he asked. "Thank you" (Y/N) told him with a smile, before walking out of the door.

"That was unexpected" Levi told Erwin casually. He was watching the whole thing silently. "Yes. Indeed" Erwin answered, still quiet shaken. "Well, I'll take my leave now" Levi told him before leaving the room and following (Y/N).

Levi POV

(Y/N) was waiting for me outside Erwin's room. I certainly didn't expect (Y/N) to forgive Erwin so easily. I wanted to kill him because Mike Zacharias threw my face in a puddle and he supported it. Sure, I grew up, I stopped taking small things like that seriously, but, (Y/N) is much younger than I am and such maturity is hard to come by. I motioned her to follow me back to my room and she did what I asked.

When we reached my room, the first thing (Y/N) did after getting her shoes off was, she sat on my bed. "(Y/N), you're filthy now. At least change those clothes before sitting anywhere..." I tried to tell her but was interrupted by the look on her face. She was crying. Not like the few drops of tears in the burial grounds, she had water streaming from her face and she was sobbing quietly. I walked towards (Y/N) and hugged her. Her sobbing increased as she kept saying "Why me?" and "What did I do wrong?".

I patted her head awkwardly and told her, "You're not the one who's wrong. What's wrong, is this world.". I didn't know how to comfort her better than this. She continued to sob. "(Y/N), we'll be better parents than them. Our child will never have to face something like this. I promise, (Y/N), I'll make sure our child gets to grow up in a world without Titans or bad people." I found myself telling her. She looked at me, teary eyed. "You think we'll be good parents?" she asked me. "I don't know (Y/N). All I know is that we will try our best." I answered. She hugged me as I answered. Her sobbing stopped. Her mouth was still carved into a frown and her eyes still watery. "Let's take a bath, okay? You'll feel better when we are clean" I told her. Being clean of course made everything better.

She smiled at me and said, "How are you planning to tolerate our child? Apparantly children are supposed to be dirty". "I'll train them how to clean themselves and how to clean the house" I grunted. That somehow made (Y/N) laugh. "They are children, Levi. Not dogs." she said. "What's the difference? Both are nagging small things." I answered. At least, that's how I remembered my childhood, Kenny training me around. I think I turned out pretty well.

"I guess I'll have to give you the parenting book in Uncle Erwin's collection." (Y/N) sighed as she got up from the bed. "Huh? Why does Erwin have a parenting book?" I questioned, curious about the whole deal. "Well, he used parenting tricks on me to trick me to listen to him when we trained. Unfortunately, I came across the book and read it and tried to use a few tricks on him too. He caught on with that soon obviously." (Y/N) answered, sounding nostalgic. "Ah, I see. I'd read it then. Go take a bath now. You're getting my room filthy" I told (Y/N) as she ran to the bathroom.

2 months later

No One's POV

(Y/N) was helping Historia manage the kids in the orphanage. She had been learning a few tricks into making kids like her. Historia made her own orphanage using all the property seized from the lords. Many board meetings were held to discuss the backlash from other aristocrats but in the end, Historia ended up getting more public support than ever. Levi backed the whole thing up as the captain of the survey corps since he was from the underground, and so did Erwin, given that he had a niece who was born in the underground. (Y/N) made more name for herself as she personally carried out an operation to rescue as much children as possible from the underground along with her squad.

The media caused quiet a backlash though, now that the news of her engagement with Levi, her sudden promotion and the fact that she was unmarried and pregnant went widespread in the walls. Her past was brought up, headlines were made about the murder she committed back when she was a child.

As an answer to all these, (Y/N) finally decided to talk about her past to the media. She told them all she remembered about her life in the underground, how she was molested by Jacob and how the murder was just self defence. She of course, never mentioned Pixis since she didn't consider him as her father.

Questions that were raised about her character were hushed down when she told the media, "My promotion doesn't have anything to do with my relationship with Levi heichou. I have my own walls between my personal life and my career. If any of you made the effort to read the newspaper from when wall Rose was breached, you could see that I was branded as humanity's strongest woman. If any of you still have any faith in that, then you would know that my promotion was justified. And about my pregnancy, the problem with everyone was that the fact that I had a physical relationship before marriage, right? Well, I've had that when I was 5. I was brought up in the upper class whorehouses and I am pretty sure many of the nobles in wall Sina did unspeakable things to me. If any of you try to talk about what's right and wrong, you should go find them instead of pointing fingers at me."

The survey corps moved back to Trost, given that the next expedition will take place from there. Levi had already got the ownership of the house he paid for and he also ordered furniture for the house, which would be ready by the time the operation to take back Wall Maria was over. While Levi was busy with a pile of paperwork, (Y/N) visited the orphanage with the supply wagons from Trost along with Levi squad. She often learned new things about children here, and it seemed like the children, particularly the ones from the underground were very fond of her. A while later, Historia went off to talk to Eren and the others, who were lazing off near the fence, leaving (Y/N) with two of the children that she was playing with.

One thing the children did when they saw (Y/N) was that they asked her to tell them stories about fighting titans. When the two kids ran towards her as Historia left, she wasn't surprised. "(Y/N)-san! Tell us a story!" one of them said in an excited voice. (Y/N) smiled slightly, "Which one do you want to hear about? The one where I killed over thirty titans?" she asked, knowing that this was the most popular story so far. "No. We want to know how things were with you in the underground" the shy looking boy in the duo meekly told her. "Ah. I see." (Y/N) sighed. They never asked her about her life in the underground but given that they were from down there too, it was natural. "You look sad, (Y/N)-san... You don't have to tell us..." they tried to back away, seeing (Y/N)'s gloomy face.

"It's not that. I just... Hey, did you two know that there was a huge gap in the underground? You could see sunlight there." (Y/N) said, trying to lighten the environment, which turned out to be successful. "There really was a place like that?" one of the boys asked with a curious place. "Yes. I used to run away from the place I lived in to go see the sunlight there. I was always caught though." (Y/N) answered. "(Y/N)-san, how did you feel after coming up here?" the shy boy asked. "Well, I was so happy that it all felt like a dream. Turns out it wasn't a dream" (Y/N) answered with a smile as she ruffled both the kids hair.

"Well, I should be going now. Be good kids okay?" (Y/N) told them with a smile as they nodded to (Y/N) with smiling faces. (Y/N) walked towards Levi squad, who were done taking the supplies in the orphanage, and told them, "It's time to head back. I'll have to get paperwork for the shipment done and I don't have any intention to stay up the night.".

Sure, (Y/N) was on pregnancy leave but that didn't mean she wouldn't do office work. She even managed to train her squad once a week. She mostly advised them how to fight though since moving around too much made her feel nauseous. With a lot of arguments, (Y/N) was able to convince Erwin to let her attend the night time expeditions to create a pathway to Shiganshina for the first month but after that, as (Y/N)'s morning sickness only got worse, she had to take a pregnancy leave after being forced into it by Erwin and Levi.

(Y/N) was back in the Survey Corps HQ by evening. She entered the room to find a very stressed out Levi, who was sitting at his table, surrounded by piles of paperwork. (Y/N) had some delivered to her by someone in her squad. "How did the meeting go?" (Y/N) asked him. Levi attended an important meeting while (Y/N) was helping out Historia with supplies. The meeting was supposed to be about ensuring the date of the operation to reclaim wall Maria. After all, the survey corps were as prepared as they can be.

Hanji made amazing discoveries. Hanji, single handedly, along with Eren's powers, made the executioner from hell, a guillotine for Titans. She also had plans to make a weapon against the armoured titan, one she said, will be completed in a matter of weeks. "Erwin entrusted me with the titan serum." Levi told in his monotonous voice. "Oh..." (Y/N) replied softly. She knew what that meant. However, trusting Levi with such a big responsibility was scary for her. That man suffered enough and this would only increase it if he had to make a tough decision. After all, the decision of who gets to live and who gets to die is one that no person should ever have to make.

Both of their paperwork were done in about two hours. (Y/N), like always, went and sat on Levi's lap, kissing him as he kissed back. Their daily routine consisted of sex after paperwork. "Are we really going to have normal old sex again?" (Y/N) sighed as Levi turned his attention to (Y/N)'s neck. "I don't want to hurt the baby" Levi muttered as he continued kissing her neck. "I asked Hanji. She said being a bit rough won't hurt" (Y/N) answered to that. "Why were you talking to her about our sex life?" Levi looked at her this time, his expression showing irritation.

"Well, I want Heichou." (Y/N) pouted as she started unbuttoning Levi's shirt. "Don't tempt me (Y/N). I've been storing my desires for a long time." Levi sighed, as he worked on getting (Y/N)'s shirt off. "What do you wanna do to me, Heichou?" (Y/N) asked Levi, with a smirk as she helped Levi get her shirt off. "Tie you up and fuck you on my table?" Levi murmured as he attacked (Y/N)'s breast with his mouth. "Please do it to me Heichou. Your slut needs you" (Y/N) kept on tempting him, using the exact words he taught her to say. At this, Levi looked straight at her eyes and asked, "Does Hanji know what she's talking about?". " I'm certain she does." (Y/N) whispered before yelping as Levi threw her on his table, using the neckerchief resting on his table to tie her hands before saying, "I'll kill her if this harms the baby" and drowning the room in (Y/N)'s moans and the sound of sex.

A week later

"How far are you? I still have a stack left" (Y/N) asked Levi. They were sitting at his table, trying to get rid of their stacks of paperwork so that they can get into their daily sexual activities. "Still have two stacks left. You've gotten faster at this" Levi muttered. (Y/N) just smiled slightly and continued with her work. Suddenly, the door busted open and Hanji entered the room, again, without knocking.

"Hanji, how many times will I have to tell you to knock?" Levi told her, looking at her with his usual stoic expression. "Don't be so fussy, Levi. Oi (Y/N), you're the only other smart person around here who can help me out a bit as Erwin is too old to understand technology. Come with me to my office right now!" Hanji exclaimed, looking excited. "I have paperwork" (Y/N) answered to that in a monotone voice. "Aww come on! Paperwork won't save people!" Hanji whined. "(Y/N), get her out of here. She's giving me a headache" Levi remarked, not looking up from the document he was working on. (Y/N) sighed at that and followed a jumping and excited Hanji out of the room.

4 hours later

"So, it has to be a portable device that can break the armoured Titan's armour. The reports from back when wall Maria fell said that cannons couldn't break the armour and so we need something more portable and faster moving than the average cannon ball, according to your theory." (Y/N) summed up the case after reading all the reports, multiple books on physics that Hanji threw at her, and several design ideas that failed. At this point, (Y/N) was wondering why she skipped sex and spent the night brainstorming with Hanji. "Well, yes. The interior police gears have fast moving bullets but those are too small to get any effect on the armour. Its also not possible to give cannon balls that much speed, not with the technology available to us anyway." Hanji muttered, looking at a failed design.

"If there was a way to use the weak spots between the armour and use some sort of force to crack the armour like a walnut..." (Y/N) muttered before she looked like her head was about to explode. "Wait, why does it have to be big or speedy if we can just explode whole chunks of armour off? If we can make oversized bullets with explosives inside them, find a way to shoot them in the weaker points in the armour, the outer hard layer could be blasted off with the force. It just needs a design like some sort of spear so that it could be stuck to the weak spots instead of rolling off like cannon balls." (Y/N) stated with wide eyes.

"Wow. That didn't really cross my mind. However, to shoot them to stick to the weak point and to keep a safe distance, we need to make them somewhat like firecrackers and use some other way to tick the explosive off when its out of the hand" Hanji muttered as she furiously started making a design with all the math. "Glad I could help." (Y/N) told her as she yawned before she went back to Levi's room.

(Y/N) was woken by Levi's rapid shaking. "5 more minutes Levi" (Y/N) muttered, facing away from Levi. "Eren remembered that the man with his father was Keith Shadis. We are going to meet him now. Get up" Levi told her, trying to drag her out of the bed. "I don't give a fuck Levi. Let me sleep." (Y/N) groaned as she threw a pillow at Levi, which he ducked easily. "Suit yourself" Levi muttered as he got out of the room as (Y/N) drifted back off to sleep.

When she woke up again, it was almost evening. She walked into Levi's office to find him getting done with some big stacks of paperwork. "So you're up" Levi stated, not looking up from the document he was working on. "Seems like it. What happened at ex commander shadis's place?" (Y/N) asked with an yawn. "Nothing much. He didn't have much information to give. One thing is certain though. Eren's father was a man from outside the wall. Erwin suspects it. The expedition will take place after 2 days" Levi informed (Y/N). "Oh" (Y/N) quietly answered. Given that the beast titan, the armoured titan and the colossal titan were still at large, this mission was really dangerous. (Y/N) knew that as long as the colossal titan was there, the wall cannot be sealed. She looked at Levi, watching him sign documents with furrowed eyebrows. "This had to be tough for him, he would have to see more death", (Y/N) thought.

(Y/N) POV

I walked towards Levi and sat on his lap. "I'm not done with paperwork yet" he stated the obvious because I usually sat on his lap before sex. "I know. I just want to hold you." I answered, cupping his face with my hands. He still had a frown on his mouth but his expression was calm and gratified. I ran one of my hands through his soft hair, his undercut brushing against my skin. His eyes were showing a lot of emotions. Fear, sorrow, determination, love, it was a mixture of those.

"Levi, just come back alive. That's all I ask from you. About the titan serum, I know it's hard to make a choice. You deserve better than this but just don't regret any choice you make." I told him, pressing my forehead against his. "I know. I'll be back for you and him." Levi muttered, placing a hand on my stomach. "It could be a 'her' too you know" I stated with a smile. "I don't care as long as it's healthy." Levi said before kissing me. I kissed back, trying to how him my love for him through it. We broke the kiss after a few moments. "Go eat something. Your mouth smells disgusting" he stated as I got off his lap.

I went out to the room to go find some food in the kitchen. The cook was glad to heat up the food that Levi asked them to save for me from lunch. After eating, I decided to make Levi some tea. I walked into the now empty kitchen, as the cook was waiting for me to get my food back then and left when I took it, used a chair to fetch Levi's packet of tea from a cupboard that I otherwise couldn't reach and made some black tea. I poured a cup for him without any sugar and went towards our room. Levi looked at me, his face radiating approval as I set the warm tea in front of him. "I made a good decision" he muttered as he sipped the tea. "Hmm?" I asked him, confused about what decision he was talking about.

"The decision of proposing you if you're wondering what decision I'm talking about." he muttered, breaking my confusion. "It's just tea" I told him with a smile. "Well, it's thoughtful of you. How did you get the tin of tea leaves?" Levi asked after giving one of his rare compliments. "I got on a chair" I answered as I sat on a chair in front of Levi. I didn't have any paperwork today, so, I decided to watch Levi work. "I told you not to get on chairs. What if you fell?" Levi asked me in his usual authoritative voice. "Levi, I fought people while I'm pregnant. Its just a chair" I answered to that.

He was getting more protective every day and even if it was a nice thing, it was sort of annoying. "I forgot to mention. I've set the wedding date at two weeks after the expedition. Hanji begged me to let her do the planning. The furniture are almost ready and will be delivered on the day of the expedition. I need you to get the house decorated" Levi mentioned as he sipped the tea. A smile formed on my face as I thought that even in midst of all the tension, there was a good news.

The next day

The expedition was to take place the next day at evening. The whole Survey corps headquarter was quiet the whole day, everyone trying to acknowledge the fact that they could be walking into their deaths the next day. After all, there weren't many veterans left in the survey corps, the 57th expedition and the breaching of wall Rose took a huge toll on the Survey Corps. The night time expeditions weren't enough to give the new recruits the experience to deal with a vital mission like this one. Every time I thought about the 57th expedition, the image of the old squad Levi's deaths seemed to be projected in front of me.

Too many lives were lost in vain. I however, didn't regret Petra's death. The day went by without much exception from any other day in the survey corps, just helping Levi with his huge stacks of paperwork, that was until, dinner was served. I knew that meat would be served today as Levi mentioned their deal with the Reeves company to me. "Hanji got Flegel Reeves to get all those brats meat for the night before the expedition. I managed to cut a deal about free tea leaves" he said while we were working our way through the stacks of paperwork. As expected, the whole crowd were fighting over the meat, even after Sasha was tied up. I however, gagged at the smell of it.

I still stuffed myself with as much as I can without puking as I probably won't get the chance to eat beef anytime soon, given that its rare and expensive. Way too much expensive. A fight between Jean and Eren broke out a while later, which lasted for a while till Levi got up and kicked them in the stomach, with Jean puking as a result. Knowing very well that the smell would make me puke, I got out of the dining hall as fast as possible. I went to Levi's room, waited for him for a while and went back out to search for him. I found him sitting at a corner of the survey corps headquarter, behind a wall. On the other side of the wall, Armin was talking to Eren and Mikasa about how they would see the so called "ocean". They used to talk about it back in the trainee corps days.

Levi looked at me, a mug of alcohol in his hand as I sat beside him. He didn't say anything and we kept listening to the trio, their voices so excited as they talked about their dreams. Levi took a chug from his mug as he got a hand around my waist, pulling me closer. The trio left after a while. "Why didn't you drink back at our room?" I asked him. "I assumed that you would feel left out." he simply answered, finishing off his mug. We sat there silently for a while before Levi spoke up again. "They remind me of Farlan and Isabelle. Farlan was so curious about the world up here while Isabelle just wanted freedom from the confined underground. I just wanted to make sure their dreams came true. Now that they aren't here anymore, I don't even know why I'm still fighting. Probably because Erwin convinced me to follow him. He surely sees something beyond the walls that I can't." Levi sighed before looking at me and asking, "What do you think about this so called 'ocean'? Do you want to see it too?".

"I'm not fighting for something like that. I don't care if all there is out of the wall is more barren land. I just want to make sure that I won't loose my family ever again. The titans took my parents from me. I can't loose any more. However, it seems like everyone I care about is risking their lives for the same cause..." I muttered. "(Y/N), let's go back. I don't want you to catch a cold" Levi announced before getting up, not looking drunk at all. That man had an amazing alcohol tolerance.

The next day

I woke up late. Levi was already gone. If they didn't feed us that goddamned meat last night, I wouldn't have been puking all day and sleeping like a log due to fatigue. I dressed up as fast as possible, hoping to find the survey corps battalion still rallied up. I ran to the stable, got on my horse and galloped towards the wall of Trost. The battalion wasn't gone yet but they were being carried over the wall by lifts. I hoped that Levi and Uncle Erwin weren't gone yet. I took my horse to a nearby stable, paid a stable boy to look after it and ran towards the rally. I saw Levi, Uncle Erwin and Hanji waiting for the lift with their squads.

I walked towards them and asked Levi, "Why didn’t you wake me up?". " You didn't look like you wanted to be waken" he simply answered, receiving a sigh from me. "Anyway, I was here to wish you all good luck." I smiled at them. "Hanji, don't be reckless or die. I need to go shop for a wedding dress with you." I told Hanji as she gave me a small smile. Everyone here were wearing solemn expressions. Levi squad walked towards me before I was able to say anything to Uncle Erwin. "Did you come to see us off?" Connie asked me with a smile. "Yes I did. You guys, don't die." I told them, giving them all a big group hug.

"Oi Mikasa, protect them too along with Eren" I told Mikasa as she nodded at me. "We aren't kids (Y/N)..." Eren started but was cut off by Jean who was saying something about respecting the fact that I care. I slipped away from the group and walked back to Uncle Erwin and Levi. "Uncle Erwin, promise me you'll be back alive. I need you at my wedding" I told Uncle Erwin. He smiled at me as he put on his hand on my shoulder before saying, "I won't miss it for the world". Happy with his answer, I turned to Levi and told him, "Don't die, okay?". " I won't" he replied. "Make sure uncle Erwin comes back" I told him. "I will" he answered as he was called to get on the lift.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, we all know what would happen to Erwin... Well, in respect for him, I'll be writing my second spin off chapter, the one which states of the time (Y/N) spent in the orphanage after the fall of wall Maria before jumping into Erwin's death. I'm trying to give (Y/N) some character development before working my way up to new chapters where she will be leading her own squad in future expeditions.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi ackerman #captain levi

[jdmainman123]

Would you people don't know also Greyhounds I'm sorry gold Suns and get b******* on Greyhound buses YOU GUYS GOING TO TELL ME MORE I'M FROM THE BEACH I NEVER HAD A BUS ROUTE A GREYHOUND ROUTE INTO SNOW I WASN'T ALLOWED TO SNOW REMEMBER THE FIRST 15 YEARS OF MY LIFE SHE WAS GROWING UP IN ANOTHER CITY AND THANKS FOR SHE NEVER SEEN ME BUT IF SHE'S BORN WITHOUT A FISH LAKE

It's self-defense for me to say all the white hair white skin girls from snow without a fish lake go to black skin Jason's house not on the beach

Just throwing it out there the salad has told me some wicked covid about you guys relationship and your family

And all I need is this one and this one's halfway in a bag okay I'm pushing her head down and she still fighting out and she's trying to commit suicide

This is definitely the hashtag babies in the airport and let me remind you they were very serious about talking to satellite operator and that's how scared they were and I can't deal with that kind of Innocence it's crazy yeah it's over Ava Max yes it is bro it's Lady Gaga bro it's crazy on another f****** level bro it screams data breach and dirty words and sex sounds

The integration in antecedent is playing an old cracker an old white skin cracker sick old man nobody wants to hear their grandfather rap he rewrote one of the nursery rhymes that your kids would be saying he made it dirty so whatever they're saying would be infecting anybody around them because they would be singing the same exact word for word dirty version of the nursery rhyme

Here's the problem the old man also created non nursery rhymes they were never a good version they're always a bad version which include murder

Because of the word daughter yeah in English the integration says in he quit French and

Listen you're no linguist linguist where the Son of God the daughter of God not operators come to find out they all look the same

It would mean you kept me here at 3/4 to change the Outlook of a cute sexy baby and you guys know the the sexy and cute babies of the houses all of them March down here to the strip strip mall on the train and it took over to buildings downtown because they were too cute and sexy high School musical is it

Van Wilder 7 years in college his father calls up and he's been repeating the same class for 3 years this is staying college and party have somewhere to stay

You don't see any similarities there then while there is an old school

You don't see any similarities there you guys are keeping me at 3/4 the trip with my eyes are you saying that's the reason you're looking through my eyes on the satellite and not 100,000 satellite circling me the Galaxy you get a picture from every angle but you still find it appropriate to look through my eyes if you're looking to my eyes to pinch the nerve

You embarrass me that's kind of sticking needles in my eyes that's kind of hard

Just so I don't know nacho libre and get a vein and find the middle of New York I found a middle of New York but it crossed that New Jersey bridge and I was too afraid Italians are going to be on the other side

I said oh s*** if the Chinese and Italians go to war my reputation is over Mexico will never forgive me

So I went back and kicked it listen I love the Nazis in the Germans and I believe overall they kicked the s*** out of the people in Boston and in Utah

I say this a lot but they're the toughest crackers so I went and kicked it with them

And I let them hold my balls and snow is a lot different s******* actually felt nicer to people in the airport I don't think they could attack me I don't think they can pull it off

I've been cooking out in a sunlight for over 30 days because I've never been in a sunlight any act in a city with no shade

Remember the only thing Las Vegas had was put me in the shade circled around 110°, and maybe completely cool not one drop of blood on my shirt

That and you guys are hiding an integration in antecedent what's the matter Fort Worth Dallas loudest city in the world gave you a run for your money remember when I said you have failed blackskin people I'd hate to be following these black skin people found a white skin family to die for them no they figure out a way around it you guys weaponize the white skin boys for heroism you let them die white is what you guys did you locked it in for the girls

I called that s*** in Chicago I said this s*** is going to start a war because they're going to get all these beautiful boys the men that she loves the innocent boys and they're going to sacrifice them and murder or ceremony them for example and they're all going to they're all going to turn

Cuz heroes don't die black

All I know is one of your dreams got jealous and angry that they had two sets of boy the black boys and the white boys and both of them were were dying for black supremacy and then white supremacy

And I had another building of Chinese boys white skin and black skin and they were both dying for Chinese black supremacy and Chinese white supremacy

Just in case you f*** face is thought I was f****** around and guess what they called them misstatement themselves their sisters were with them they're gone hits

But they don't bring it to a house another 2.3 inch girl walk around pretending to commit suicide and 10 men run up to her and don't even put their dick in her in her mouth

I guarantee everyone of these 3 ft 3-in girls the tries to commit suicide and runs into a wall accidentally and it climbs down the steps on the last steps he trips but doesn't fall over

If you ran up to her and ask her why didn't she crying and put your dick in her mouth I guarantee she wouldn't do it again and she'd figure a way out to commit suicide

By law one of these days and day soon she's going to figure a way out around the city the natural libre with me I got to find nacho my best friend not you guys know that

If you find me a place like nacho a tiny tree on the outside of town with the 7-Eleven across the street I can live forever

Okay either circle k or route 88

Yeah Walmart I got your money Hannah foods grocery store

And Kroger's

Walmart was the only grocery store we knew make growing up so we have to make retributions and start using other words besides Toyota LIKE FERRARI AND LAMBORGHINIS

So your timeline of emptying all these boys without a fish they and these white hair girls are only here for one reason because I have a pool

Why don't you tell the thermostat story take him to church Demi Lovato why is that in our covid and this is this song the reason why you guys boycotted Demi Lovato the not sorry video that was boycotted cuz your boys and girls saw her party and a 24 bedroom house is sorority and orgies outside in front yard and jet skis in the pool

Thermostat yeah you you girls and boys want to learn how to turn your eyes blue? What I thought it was the tv?

Yeah don't give me this b******* I'm not here to marry a family and desert city 100,000 people that say 3/4 I don't need

No did the wet this white hair white skin girl with his black skin black boy I love it to death and 3 ft 4 in but they don't live on a fish lake and I can't take my time away from my fish lake and my pool and my fish

Did you get a girl for this boy with her white skin brother in a way

What can I get along Jason

Yeah I know they're both in on it my point is oh that's good the little whites getting white hair boys survives the problem is he doesn't have a fish like either you guys say where I'm going it's the only reason why this white hair girls are following me around is because of the blue eyes and the green eyes you take him to houses without fish lakes and they stay brown eyes they're used to me they're on valuable I can go to 3/4 and get 100,000 white hair white skin girls with brown eyes that can't get green or blue eyes cheaper trying to offered me two cents on a dollar for a white hair white skin

Mexico offer me 4 cents on a dollar for a white hair white skin girl blue eyes and green eyes that's cheap as far cuz we can rebuild our whole entire city with brand new white hair white skin girls from Mexico who's got four cents a few boys know that you could find four cents out there laying on the floor with no one around fell out of someone's pocket someone threw it down

Yeah you can't continue to sacrificing his white skin boys for black men 100,000 of them for this white hair girl with brown eyes it doesn't have a fish like and involving me green eyes and blue eyes don't make me bring up the thermostat okay I know where that sunlight goes and you can success my a******

Up your ass into the left

[neptunecreek]

Sextortion Scam: What to Do If You Get the Latest Phishing Spam Demanding Bitcoin

You may have arrived at this post because you received an email from a purported hacker who is demanding payment or else they will send compromising information—such as pictures sexual in nature—to all you friends and family. You’re searching for what to do in this frightening situation.

Don’t panic. Contrary to the claims in your email, you haven't been hacked (or at least, that's not what prompted that email). This is merely a new variation on an old scam which is popularly being called "sextortion." This is a type of online phishing that is targeting people around the world and preying off digital-age fears.

We’ll talk about a few steps to take to protect yourself, but the first and foremost piece of advice we have: do not pay the ransom.

We have pasted a few examples of these emails at the bottom of this post. The general gist is that a hacker claims to have compromised your computer and says they will release embarrassing information—such as images of you captured through your web camera or your pornographic browsing history—to your friends, family, and co-workers.  The hacker promises to go away if you send them thousands of dollars, usually with bitcoin.

What makes the email especially alarming is that, to prove their authenticity, they begin the emails showing you a password you once used or currently use.

Again, this still doesn't mean you've been hacked. The scammers in this case likely matched up a database of emails and stolen passwords and sent this scam out to potentially millions of people, hoping that enough of them would be worried enough and pay out that the scam would become profitable.

EFF researched some of the bitcoin wallets being used by the scammers. Of the five wallets we looked at only one had received any bitcoin, in total about 0.5 bitcoin or $4,000 at the time of this writing.  It’s hard to say how much the scammers have received in total at this point since they appear to be using different bitcoin addresses for each attack, but it’s clear that at least some people are already falling for this scam.

Here are some quick  answers to the questions many people ask after receiving these emails.

They have my password! How did they get my password?

Unfortunately, in the modern age, data breaches are common and massive sets of passwords make their way to the criminal corners of the Internet. Scammers likely obtained such a list for the express purpose of including a kernel of truth in an otherwise boilerplate mass email.

If the password emailed to you is one that you still use, in any context whatsoever,  STOP USING IT and change it NOW! And regardless of whether or not you still use that password it's always a good idea to use a password manager.

And of course, you should always change your password when you’re alerted that your information has been leaked in a breach. You can also use a service like Have I Been Pwned to check whether you have been part of one of the more well-known password dumps.

Should I respond to the email?

Absolutely not. With this type of scam, the perpetrator relies on the likelihood that a small number of people will respond out of a batch of potentially millions. Fundamentally this isn't that much different from the old Nigerian prince scam, just with a different hook. By default they expect most people will not even open the email, let alone read it. But once they get a response—and a conversation is initiated—they will likely move into a more advanced stage of the scam. It’s better to not respond at all.

So,  I shouldn’t pay the ransom?

You should not pay the ransom. If you pay the ransom, you’re not only losing money but you’re encouraging the scammers to continue phishing other people. If you do pay, then the scammers may also use that as a pressure point to continue to blackmail you, knowing that you’re are susceptible.

What should I do instead?

As we said before, for sure stop using the password that the scammer used in the phishing email, and consider employing a password manager to keep your passwords strong and unique. Moving forward, you should make sure to enable two-factor authentication whenever that is an option on your online accounts. You can also check out our Surveillance Self-Defense guide for more tips on how to protect your security and privacy online.

One other thing to do to protect yourself is apply a cover over your computer’s camera. We offer some through our store, but a small strip of electrical tape will do.

We know this experience isn't fun, but it's also not the end of the world. Just ignore the scammers' empty threats and practice good password hygiene going forward!

Example 1

I am aware one of your passphrase: password. Lets get directly to point. Not a single person has compensated me to investigate about you. You do not know me and you are probably wondering why you're getting this e mail?actually, I actually installed a software on the adult vids (sex sites) site and you know what, you visited this web site to have fun (you know what I mean). When you were viewing videos, your internet browser initiated working as a Remote control Desktop that has a key logger which provided me access to your display screen and also web cam. Right after that, my software program collected your complete contacts from your Messenger, FB, and email . After that I created a double-screen video. 1st part shows the video you were viewing (you've got a good taste haha . . .), and 2nd part shows the view of your webcam, and its u.  You do have only 2 alternatives. We are going to understand these types of choices in aspects: 1st solution is to disregard this message. In this case, I am going to send your actual video clip to just about all of your contacts and thus you can easily imagine about the disgrace you feel. Not to mention should you be in a relationship, just how it will eventually affect? Number two choice will be to pay me $3000. We will think of it as a donation. As a consequence, I most certainly will without delay eliminate your videotape. You will keep going on your daily life like this never happened and you will not hear back again from me. You'll make the payment through Bitcoin (if you do not know this, search for "how to buy bitcoin" in Google).

Example 2

Hi, victim.I write yоu becаusе I put а mаlware оn the wеb раge with porn whiсh yоu hаve visitеd.My virus grаbbed all your рersonal infо аnd turnеd on yоur сamеrа which сaрtured the рroсеss оf your onаnism. Just aftеr that the soft savеd yоur соntaсt list.I will dеlеte thе сompromising video and infо if you pаy me 999 USD in bitcoin. This is address fоr рaymеnt : 1K2jNTLdbHEwaALQWKMeGoKLWD67Cb6q8BI give yоu 30 hоurs aftеr you ореn my mеssаge for making the trаnsactiоn.As sоon аs yоu reаd the mеssаgе I'll see it right awаy.It is nоt necessary tо tell mе thаt you hаve sеnt money to me. This address is соnneсtеd tо yоu, my systеm will dеlete еverything automаtically aftеr trаnsfer соnfirmаtiоn.If yоu nееd 48 h just reрly оn this letter with +.Yоu сan visit thе pоlicе stаtion but nobоdy cаn hеlp yоu.If you try to dеceive mе , I'll sеe it right аway !I dont live in yоur соuntry. So they саn nоt track my lосаtiоn evеn for 9 months.Goodbyе. Dоnt fоrget аbоut thе shame and tо ignore, Yоur life can be ruined.

Example 3

𝕨hat's up. If you were more vigilant while playing with yourself, I wouldn't worry you. I don't think that playing with yourself is very bad, but when all colleagues, relatives and friends get video record of it- it is obviously for u. I adjusted virus on a porn web-site which you have visited. When the victim press on a play button, device begins recording the screen and all cameras on your device starts working. мoreover, my program makes a dedicated desktop supplied with key logger function from your device , so I could get all contacts from ya e-mail, messengers and other social networks. I've chosen this e-mail cuz It's your working address, so u should read it. Ì think that 730 usd is pretty enough for this little false. I made a split screen vid(records from screen (u have interesting tastes ) and camera ooooooh... its awful ᾷF) Ŝo its your choice, if u want me to erase this сompromising evidence use my ƅitсȯin wᾷllеt aďdrеss-  1JEjgJzaWAYYXsyVvU2kTTgvR9ENCAGJ35  Ƴou have one day after opening my message, I put the special tracking pixel in it, so when you will open it I will know.If ya want me to share proofs with ya, reply on this message and I will send my creation to five contacts that I've got from ur contacts. P.S... You can try to complain to cops, but I don't think that they can solve ur problem, the investigation will last for several months- I'm from Estonia - so I dgf LOL

Example 4

I know, password, is your pass word. You may not know me and you're most likely wondering why you are getting this e mail, correct? In fact, I placed a malware on the adult vids (porn material) web-site and you know what, you visited this website to have fun (you know what I mean). While you were watching video clips, your internet browser initiated operating as a RDP (Remote Desktop) that has a keylogger which provided me access to your screen and also webcam. Immediately after that, my software program gathered your entire contacts from your Messenger, social networks, as well as email. What did I do? I made a double-screen video. 1st part shows the video you were watching (you have a good taste lmao), and 2nd part shows the recording of your webcam. exactly what should you do?

Well, I believe, $2900 is a fair price for our little secret. You'll make the payment by Bitcoin (if you don't know this, search "how to buy bitcoin" in Google). BTC Address: 1MQNUSnquwPM9eQgs7KtjDcQZBfaW7iVge (It is cAsE sensitive, so copy and paste it) Note: You have one day in order to make the payment. (I have a specific pixel in this email message, and at this moment I know that you have read through this email message). If I do not get the BitCoins, I will definitely send out your video recording to all of your contacts including family members, coworkers, etc. However, if I do get paid, I'll destroy the video immidiately. If you want to have evidence, reply with "Yes!" and I will certainly send out your video to your 14 contacts. This is the non-negotiable offer, so please don't waste my personal time and yours by responding to this email message.

from Deeplinks https://ift.tt/2M9Z2xS

#Deeplinks

[generousbouquetchopshop-us-blog]

The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. (NOT tonight - I just mean at some point in our lives - this is NOT a terrorist attack - believe me, I do NOT have malicious or evil intentions - well in my opinion at least, but sometimes our perception of ourselves differs to how others perceive us - but does that really matter? All I care about is what I think about myself) Wait, Hang On I Lied. There's one more certainty in life. That you and I are human beings. (Well, I do hope so. After all, I only know who I am. And only you know who you are) Yes I tried my best to think of an engaging first liner to grab your attention. (And if you're still reading this now - it must have worked!) I was just worried with all the 'clutter' and 'competition' out there that you could potentially miss this. And yes that's also why I have the photo of a cute baby. And also because we were all once babies at some point in our lives (well unless you came out another way which is not a certain opening in a female body) And before you amazing security officers out there, Who work super hard to protect your citizens, Even on the weekend (which is meant for rest with family) (and shout out to everyone in Australia who still worked today on Mother's Day -your sacrifice of your treasured time which could have been spent with your Mother (the technical economic term is opportunity cost - in case you were wondering - yes I know you all are secretly nerds) Will never be forgotten) Ok so back to you security officers Think of shutting this down, I assure you that this is NOT a security threat. It is NOT an act of cyber terrorism. 'So what is it then?' - you find yourself thinking (Yes I am a mind reader) Today marks a turning point in the course of mankind. Today marks a day that hope is restored in the world. What you are seeing today will be written in history books for future generations to come. We will make it in a Guinness World Record Book for 1. The most number of people clicking going on a facebook event 2. The most number of people posting on a facebook event page 3. The most number of people sharing the same message across social media I know what you're thinking. Well this girl sounds 'ambitious' Which were common responses I got Well yes, This is 'ambitious' I think so too But 'ambitious' and 'reality' are NOT mutually exclusive (is this the right term? I always struggled with probability in maths) But it's going to happen - keep reading on if you would like to see how history is going to be made :) (But technically, history is being 'made' every single day by each and every one of us just be being alive - even going to the toilet and eliminating waste is technically 'making' history) Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. (And news outlets out there! Please choose a decent photo of me [ie. not one where my armpit hair is showing] Actually, I don't mind if you can find a photo of me with armpit hair. (Yes - that's a challenge!) (We all have hair - I don't see what's the big deal) (Why would you want to see a photo of me with armpit hair when you can just strip yourself down [yes I put this in just for you - you know who you are xD] and just lift up your arm and VOILA!!! Hair before your very eyes!!!!! ) (I'm actually super hairy In my opinion For a girl) Also, I'm going to keep on ranting about this (again, PMS is a real thing for the female population - have sympathy for us fellas!) Another thing I do not understand is why we must wear clothes And in some places in the world, Such as Australia, We can actually get charged with a criminal offence (and maybe be put in gaol) For stripping down in certain public places (with some exceptions such as nude beaches which are mainly filled with elderly people right now - I reckon we can diversify that a little) And showing our 'private parts' (but are our 'private parts' really even that 'private' after all if we all have them? (well I know it differs between females and males)) but yeah - and some of us have unique bodies - either born naturally or through operations - I respect that - it's your life and you choose how you would like to live it - and which gender you would like to live as and which private parts you would like to have) And in some places like Australia, Myth has it that the bigger something (something in a similar shape to a sausage) is The more masculine a male is Well to me, that's absolutely bullshit I don't know how these 'myths' even originated! All sizes are beautiful to me! Ok, so back to me and armpit hair: I filled in one of my friends' survey about hair and shaving yesterday. Why is shaving a thing anyways? We all have hair on our bodies (well some more than others but we all do) Why is it often socially unacceptable for girls have to have cleanly shaven armpits when they wear sleeveless tops or dresses? And why is often socially acceptable for males to not shave?? Now that is gender discrimination to the max! Why is this NOT written in the Discrimination Act in Australia?? (or maybe it is - I have to admit I haven't read it - and I highly doubt that my fellow Australian peers have either - but apologies! If it is in there!) And on that note of Discrimination, It is so real And close It still happens today in the 21st century!!! Right here in Australia This week, I had the privilege of talking to a beautiful Indigenous lady I've always been curious of Indigenous Australian culture (do you know that Indigenous Australian culture is the oldest surviving culture in the entire world???) WOW Because I certainly didn't know this. If Australia was a person And let's just say I was that person for theoretical purposes I would go around showing that off I would tell everyone I would tell the entire world I would be super proud of that I would make sure the entire world knows (but why doesn't the entire world know?- well maybe it's only me who is oblivious and ignorant and unaware - and maybe all of you do know this - please correct me if I'm wrong) Ok, so yeah. This beautiful Indigenous lady (and I do remember your name - I just want to make sure I respect your privacy before I decide to put your name here for the world to see because there's no way that I have been able to contact you) Said her dream was to become a cook (yes you go girl!) And she applied for a cook job recently. She was called in for an interview. But as soon as she showed up, They told her the position had been filled Now if that isn't discrimination to the max, I don't know what you call that I was super angry when I heard this. Now those of you who know me know that I don't normally get angry It takes quite a bit to get Leeann angry (I give off the impression of being a calm, controlled, sweet, pure and innocent girl) If I was present at the time, I would've taken those café owner(s) to court. And sue you for breaching the Discrimination Act Because the legislation is real and it is properly enforced (well I don't work in the legal field so I actually wouldn't know) But nothing in the world (I believe) cannot be resolved with Honest and open Communication. Just by opening our mouths and making some sounds (I think that's what we call a language), Together, we can solve any problem And we must learn to be accountable And take responsibility for our own actions Like a girl (why do we tend to say man? Are we trying to imply that females are less brave than men? My fellow female population Let's band together and prove them wrong -Trust me boys, you never mess with girls, We will make sure You Rue For The Rest Of Your Life Until The Moment You Die :) [just kidding XD- no I'm not kidding here] Yes, we must take responsibility for our own actions like a girl (I remember seeing a campaign trying to challenge gender stereotypes a couple of years back - that was awesome! I forgot what it was called though but I do remember it so it means it was effective) And I will illustrate this with something we all do -fart. Why do we feel the need to suppress our urges to fart? If you stink up a room with your own smelly gas, Then at least do it proudly! Make it as loud as possible! And admit it was you! And apologise maybe! OR, if that's too scary for you, I have another suggestion which has largely been inspired by one of my close mates (who I'm sure would probably appreciate it if I don't name and shame them - your very welcome in advance =D) This is no magic but You simply tell the person you're talking to or the people around you that you need to fart And head outside To do the deed. Then walk back in. And continue with your life. Easy. See, life isn't at all that complicated is it? (I know! I'm a genius!!!) Prior to my launch tonight, I shared my initiative 'Die To Live' with some fellow peers. I had many people who doubted me. But I also had many people who had absolute faith. Now, I don't blame those of you who I spoke to and doubted me. If someone told me that at Sunday 9pm on the 13th of May, 2018, Hope will be restored in the world, That the world will be changed And that it will be a major event in history, I will look at them And think they're nuts! (And no, in case you were wondering, I don't mean the pecan nut, macadamia nut, or peanut) And some of these people also looked like they wanted to lock me up in a mental health hospital. But what does it even mean to be 'mentally ill?' Am I considered 'crazy' just because I have different opinions that nobody else seems to have? Does that make me 'mentally ill?' (Correct me if I'm wrong, but in my humble opinion, that just means I'm a human being) While we're on the topic of 'mental illness,' Check out the School of Life and one of their recent videos Called something along the lines of - why the modern society makes us mentally ill I watched it over breakfast yesterday and could not agree more (i promise that this is not paid advertising/product placement or whatever we choose to call it) Because it's so good that I voluntarily choose to 'advertise' for them The School of Life does not need any paid marketing (yes you girls are awesome!) But at the same time, Yes, I get you. I wouldn't believe it either Until I see it unfold Before my very eyes Myself. But I certainty would not lock someone with different thoughts to mine in a mental health hospital, away from the rest of society. I would simply respect their opinion, try to understand and empathise from their point of view and then move on with my life. And I also had one special 'case.' You know who you are. You're the person I bumped into and didn't think I was 'insane' but instead thought I was plotting to commit suicide at 9pm Sunday May 13th and then upload 13 videos onto Facebook with each video incriminating a different person who lead me to end my life. -Just like the TV series - 13 reasons why Oh you funny!! (but I'm even funnier xD) But you had faith in me and that's all that matters :D Life is NOT a Television series!!! (For those of you who don't know what a TV is - it is essentially a virtual reality -trust me though, it's nothing special - and you're not missing out - because you're living your own reality instead - and I believe that is infinite times cooler than watching someone else's) But what I don't understand is why some of you who doubted me had absolute faith in science. (I'm not throwing shade here [or am I? - well too bad too sad because you'll never know what goes through my mind] but Shout out to that person I had an extremely heated intense friendly 2 hour banter sesh about science and religion a couple of days ago) Those words you used cut me But I forgive you Because I know you didn't mean it Because, in my humble opinion, science is a belief system in itself based off faith. For example, most of us in today's era believe that the Earth is round. And this is 'proven' to us through science. But until I personally travel up into space and view the Earth from a distance with my own very eyes, I refuse to believe this as an absolute 'truth.' (but even then, I may not even trust my own eyes - they could be lying to me - I could just be hallucinating) We often like to think we are 100% certain of many things in our everyday lives. Perhaps uncertainty makes us feel uneasy. In my opinion, we dislike uncertainty. Which is why we try to structure our lives and lock ourselves in some kind of routine to try and eliminate uncertainty (but this is simply NOT possible in my opinion - the only certainty in life is death - but even that's not even certain) Who said we should eat 3 meals a day - Breakfast Lunch And Dinner (for those of you who don't know what I'm rambling on about - because I'm aware you may or may not have ever eaten a proper meal (yet) - they're just names some of us use to tell ourselves when we should eat) Wouldn't hunger be a better indicator of when to eat instead of locked in time periods? And who said that we should aim for 5 serves of vegetables and 2 serves of fruit per day or something along those lines? (Yes it's a rhetorical question - I know who - 'official' nutritional guidelines or something I think) Because for me, if I know that the only certainty in life is death I would rather eat what I want to eat If I enjoy the taste of it But at the same time, it is all about the 'balance' (as Katherine Du likes to say) (there will be more on food and eating in the second part of my 'story' -I'm not going to tell you all of it now -just to make sure you keep reading heeeheheheee) And who decided that humans should sleep once a day? And it has to be at nighttime? And who came up with the guidelines that children need about 9-10 hours of sleep per night And that adults need about 6-8 hours per night? (Yes I know - it is scientifically 'proven' - but how did you scientists come up with these numbers? In saying this, I have the most utmost respect for you scientists -I'm just curious -it's hard work working in labs -I have some mates studying science/medicine and they tell me about their 4 hour lab sessions When I heard this, I was angry Because That's torture! Abuse of human rights!! Because I get hungry every 2-3 hours!!!) Wouldn't sleepiness and fatigue be more appropriate signals of when to sleep? Mum, I know you will read this. I did tell you that your friend's daughters will probably read my 'story' first Then tell their parents Then they will call you up And tell you to read this. (I wasn't at all wrong about that was I?) I have to main things I would like to say to you mummy: 1. Happy mother's day! 2. I love you Remember two nights ago when I got home and slept at 7pm Without eating dinner? And you were upset the next morning that I didn't eat your food? I apologise again if I hurt you, But I feel like it was not that necessary to 'lash out at me' when I asked (just innocently out of curiosity): Who decided that humans should eat 3 meals a day? OK so back to the science and religion 'friendly banter' I had Once again, the only certainty in life is death. (and I will repeat this numerous times throughout my 'story' just to annoy you - <3 - I challenge you to count how many times I mention that - and maybe there will be a prize for the person who gets the right number or gets closest to the right number! - just like those jelly bean in a jar guessing competitions! - just kidding - I'm not serious on this one - I can't be bothered to count myself - I have bigger fish to fry ;)) People thousands of years back were 100% certain that the Earth was flat. But they were somehow 'proven' to be 'wrong'. Now we (or just me) are 100% certain that the Earth is round. So in my humble opinion, we can only 'disprove' things but never 'prove' things. We merely get less 'wrong' each time round (Manson, 2016) But we are never 100% 'right.' Anything is possible. (Well maybe besides eternal life beyond Earth - but even that is not 100% impossible) So, an anonymous person who wishes not to be named recently brought to my attention how Fast the world is changing around us. For example, Facebook was invented in 2004 - it's only been 14 years - but I seem to hardly remember any parts of my life without Facebook in it) Wikipedia was launched in 2001 (and I didn't get this one from Wikipedia) (I don't know how I wouldn't 'survived' all those assignments without you! Thank you Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger! And bless all you other inventors out there who invented something useful to humanity! Again, bless you all who believed me without needing to see it happen. You know who you are. I will never forget how you made me feel. There is nothing that fuels the human spirit like faith. (unless it's more alcohol) Complete And Utter Faith. Even my mother who raised me for 19 years and whom I crawled out of her (something - let's just say body) Doubted me. Yet some of you had utter and complete faith in me within minutes of talking to you for the very first time. And I reiterate again (mum, I'm not throwing shade at you here) If I had a daughter and she told me she's on a quest to change the world this Sunday at 9pm on Mother's Day, I (I don't know what I would do but I would probably not believe her) So….back to how Every single person in the world will eventually receive my message. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'read' because I am also aware that language translation will be needed. TIP: Try copy and pasting this into google translate! (man technology does wonders!!!) And also because not all of us are blessed to be taught how to read. As to why I chose to use English, It's because it just happens to be the language I'm most fluent in. And also because, for some reason, English also happens to be the 'universal' language used across the world. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'see' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to see. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'listen' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to hear. I chose to use the word 'receive' instead of 'smell' because I am aware that not all of us are blessed with the ability to smell. (this doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm saying today because in my humble opinion, I don't think we can smell a story??? - well feel free to prove me wrong - nothing is certain in life besides death. TBH (to be honest), I just wanted repetition for a couple of lines because I learnt in high school English, that it will help deliver my message across) And I also say 'eventually' because not everyone in the world as it currently stands has even seen what 'technology' looks like, let alone have access to social media. That’s why I'm relying on YOU all to translate my message and communicate it to these fellow peers. I'm just one person. And I need your help. I can't do this alone (but I will if I have to -but ideally not!) So you find yourself still thinking…. 'Ok, I still have no idea what this post is about.' (Yes I am actually a mind reader) Apologies! I'm only human and I'm flawed and I do occasionally get just a little side-tracked and distracted. You're life has value. You were born for a reason. And I will prove it to you. (Yes - I remember whispering this in one beautiful human's ear a couple of days ago. This beautiful human was so selfless and looked out for me when I was not in the best state of self (this hero walked into the female toilets since I was chundering and got kicked out of security guards as a result) (this hero was prepared to take me home on a 1.5 bus ride at like 11pm at night towards a direction which was completely opposite to where he/she lived) (and this hero probably got some of my churned up mix of food and alcohol on them too - soz) (and I apologise again for that other beautiful human who I chundered on their hand -soz not soz - HAHAHA -I do mean it when I say that (now you're probably wondering which part I'm referring to [well you'll never know! Heheee - <3] ) And thank you to you too! You know who you are! I love our long-as text message chats! And that card you wrote me for my 18th last year -those words really touched me Even though we meet up like once (ok I may be using hyperbole here - I'll say twice) a year, You mean the world to me To me, friendships and relationships in general are much more than hanging out in real life, To me, friendships and relationships are more about having that emotional/spiritual connection with another human being To me, friendships and relationships are not defined by physical presence (although I do believe hanging out in real life is nice too - but life sometimes takes us in different directions - and that is not always possible) You may love another person dearly, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to be together with a physical presence. 'True' love, in my opinion, is when you genuinely want the best for the other person And being genuinely happy to see them happy Yes that night at Metro Theatre in the city, I got kicked out by security guards within 30 minutes of going inside for a combined university event. I think (and you never trust a drunk person's memory) I had about 11 shots of straight vodka that night (looking back, that was not the best idea) Those security guards who kicked us out were not the nicest people. I know that Deep Deep Deep Deep Deep Down That you guys are beautiful people - just please bring it to the surface and show it to the world You could've been a lot more nicer. After I got kicked out and as I was walking towards Maccas (yas I love you maccas - happy meals were my childhood - why are soft serves $0.75 now? They used to only be $0.30! Inflation is a real thing! That's why I love economics! - I'm expecting a massive surge in economics students both at high school and university heheehee - economics teachers and lecturers - you are very welcome XD) In my drunken and semi-conscious state, I remember vaguely rambling on saying things like Why are people like this? Why are people so mean? Why is the world like this? And probably also crying my chunder out at the same time I was always that good straight A studious nerdy student who always did my homework on time and listened to the teacher in class. I waited till I was 18 until I had my first legal drink. (well I did occasionally have some sips of wine at home over dinner but nothing substantial until I turned 18 -unlike most Asian dads, My dad encouraged me to drink at home - he was more than happy! - you're cool dad xD - just wanted to let you know that) I was at a university first years camp when I had my first drink. I remember feeling sad because the alcohol was way too diluted -and I was too 'heavy-weight' -and I couldn't physically drink that much fluid to feel drunk because I was too full Looking back, I was probably drunk and was probably on the verge of my limit But I didn't know because I've never felt what it was like to be 'drunk' Then about a month and a half later, I went to one of my mate's surprise 18th I wanted to 'test' my 'limit' I drank as many different types of alcohol I could get my hands on Rum Vodka Soju Gin White wine Red wine Whiskey Tequila You Name It (well probs besides Maotai which is $$$$ - and we were all young dumb and broke uni students - yes Khalid I love you) And you can probably guess How my night turned out My face was in the bathroom sink for about 3 hours (well it felt like 10 minutes to me but I've realised my perception is super distorted while under the influence) Thank you to those who accompanied me for the entirety or a part of those 3 hours - I'm sure it didn't make it onto the best nights of your life list I remember feeling so ashamed after. I could not stop thinking about it for at least 3 weeks. My reputation! Like most people who chunder for the first time, I vowed that It Wouldn't Happen Again. (deep inside I knew it would because I just wasn't happy and I knew I would turn to more alcohol to distract myself from that constant emptiness but I didn't see another alternative back then) But my brother and mates weren't at all that 'wrong' when they said something along the lines of That's what they all say. Within a couple of weeks (or months - if that detail matters), I Unsurprisingly Chundered Again. And then I repeated what I said previously. And I got the same responses as I did before (kind of like déjà vu) And then the cycle kept repeating itself so many times that I lost count of how many times I chundered Because I stopped caring My 'reputation' was damaged beyond repair anyways And I was happy with the new me (the person who started to care less about what others thought of me) I was always that super good girl who was sweet, nice and 'innocent' (whatever that means) But what does it even mean to be 'innocent?' What's the definition? A lot of my friends had often commented that when they first met me I seemed like an innocent girl then they realised they were 'wrong' like super 'wrong' - completely off Does the fact that I love alcohol And the fact that I've chundered more times than I remember And the fact that I like to squeal at high pitches to the point it may cause long term ear damage (apologies to those people who I have damaged your hearing permanently) And the fact that I really enjoy raves And love waking up to hardstyle music every morning And chucking a phat (someone please explain to me why it's spelt with a 'ph' - I tried googling but I never found an answer - I guess you can't find all the answers to life's problems on google) Muzz To start my day Make me any less 'innocent'? OK so back to that night I got kicked out of Metro Theatre. It was that night when I realised you beautiful humans had my back. And I will forever have yours too. You are all beautiful. And I still remember that night like it was tonight. And I will never forget it. It is around 9pm here where I am in Sydney, Australia right now. There are approximately 7.6 billion people in this world (rounded to 1 decimal place and 2 significant figures - or 'sig figs' - I'm not talking about the dried fruit here) (according to the World Population Clock at 12:18pm yesterday - Sydney time) I may just be one girl. But one girl can change the world. If you don't believe me, I will prove it to you. (200% guarantee Just take a screenshot of this message When you visit me in gaol/jail [depending on where you live in the world] Effective for one year within today HAHAHA in case you haven't realised already, I'm only kidding) Why must we rely on legal systems and laws to protect ourselves from lies? Why can't we rely on trust instead? I realise that it's probably impractical to scrap our legal systems together -but I do reckon mixing a bit of 'trust' into the mixture won't hurt And I am aware that I live in a hole (not literally) I have lived in Sydney, Australia for most of my life Which I know is not representative of the entire world. Some of the things I talk about may make absolutely no sense to you. But I only humbly ask that you take a moment to understand what some of your fellow peers on the other side of the globe go through on a daily basis or have experienced Even if it is super foreign to you. (If you check up on the news on a regular basis, This should be no different I guess But probs maybe just a bit more 'spicy' and realistic) I'm sure you would like to same favour (or should I say flavour HAHHAH - gosh I'm so funny!) to be returned to you. Can I count on you guys (and the entire female population - I don't know why it's normal to say 'guys' for both genders) to have a read of what I have to say first And try not to act on any prejudice or judgement Before you decide to shut it down? Yeah, sorry, I got a little side-tracked again So… The only thing that we know for certain in life is that all of you reading this right now and myself will DIE. So what is the point of staying alive now if it's all going to come to an end? Why are we living to die instead of dying to live? All of us have a mother. (assuming you are all humans like me and started with 'something' that happened between a male and female) I love my mum. Without my mum I wouldn't be here tonight. Without my mum I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you tonight. Without my mum you wouldn't be reading this tonight. In Sydney, Australia, Today is Mother's Day. And it's no coincidence that I've chosen this day to connect with you. This is because today we show our appreciation for the beautiful and incredible woman who brought us into this world, whether she is here with you or not today. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who sucked up the discomfort of having a massive bulge sticking out of her belly for 9 months. Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who suffered physical pain and bleed from childbirth. I don't think there can be any other pain greater than the pain of childbirth (well I haven't given birth so I guess I'm not qualified to say so) (Yes the cute baby photo was specifically chosen to capture your attention) Today, we show our appreciation to the woman who blessed us with a life full of opportunity. Mother's Day is today, in Australia. Why are we on social media? And I am no hypocrite here. Why am I myself on social media tonight? Why have we felt the need to create a 'Day' for all our 'Mothers' out there? Is it because, without a 'Mother's Day,' we will forget to love our 'Mothers'? Shouldn't our mothers be appreciated every single day? (Same for all the 'Father's' out there!!! I love you Dad) In the past, all I did for Mother's Day was go to the shops and buy a box of chocolates or some flowers or whatever was on "Mother's Day Sale." But I've realised there are many things that Money Cannot Buy. (feel free to prove me wrong here) There are many things that cannot be Bought And Sold Based on demand and supply on a Market (Yes I love economics!!!) Love. Time. Purpose. Faith. Hope. Life. The List Goes On And On . . . In my humble opinion, I feel like some meaningful celebrations have been overly commercialised in some 'developed' countries. I feel like Christmas Day is more about buying presents and decorating the Christmas tree. I feel like Easter Day is about eating chocolate shaped in an oval egg shape (or bunny or whatever fancy shape chocolate is moulded into to make it more appealing to buy and eat and make it seem different but at the end of the day it's just chocolate - well maybe different in the sense that it has differing percentages of cocoa content - I'm personally a big fan of dark chocolate! - I reckon 70% is just 'perfect' - well just 'right' - because nothing is 'perfect' but also nothing is 'right' - so yeah, I just contradicted what I just said). I feel like ANZAC Day is more about eating ANZAC cookies and buying things with the Australian flag printed on it. And I feel like Chinese New Year is more about receiving free money from relatives (as long as you are unmarried). Now, I'm not suggesting that you should all divorce or remain single for life and go become Chinese. I'm just telling you about my 'blood nationality' and our culture. Also, while we're on the topic of marriage, I am not at all against marriage (I think marriage is wonderful and Western white wedding dresses are super beautiful on brides), in my humble opinion, I don't really understand the point of marriage? To me, Love is about remaining loyal both physically and emotionally to another human of our own choosing (in my opinion, regardless of gender). Personally, I don't see the need to have my 'love' with another human solidified by the legal system under a notion called 'marriage.' I believe if we truly 'love' another person, We should be able to trust them to remain loyal (both emotionally and physically) to us without protection under the legal system And live together happily ever after (Yes I'm a big dreamer and lover of Disney and I believe in happily ever after fairytale endings with my Prince HEEEHEHEE) And, while we're on the topic of Princes and Princesses and fairytale endings, (I know we all love a good romance on such a dark, romantic night here in Australia and most stories told through mediums such as books and movies tend to have at least a touch of love in them And some have a bigger focus than others *Cough* *Cough* Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) One of my favourite TV shows (back in the day I still used to watch TV) was the Bachelor/Bachelorette <3 But now I prefer to live in my own reality TV show instead of watching another's on an electronic screen To my Prince out there, (yes you know who you are) Who wishes not to be named (and shamed - hahah just kidding - Well, hopefully you don't find what I'm about to say to be too embarrassing) The way I fundamentally feel towards you has not changed one bit And I'm not talking about hate here (jokes! I lied! I actually feel even stronger towards you now <3) And gosh, No other human on Earth has ever made me cry as many times as you have. No one can compete with how many rivers on Earth I've filled with my salty tears. (everyone else reading this, please don't try to break the Guinness World Record here - I reckon I've had my fair share of tears and breakdowns) And I meant it when I said nobody has ever made me feel this way. (or something like I've never felt this way towards somebody - or the other way around - well I guess that's not important) (and well I guess it does make sense that everybody feels differently towards each person because they're different people) -that paragraph was very coherent - I know I've already told you this directly but repetition surely doesn't hurt! Thank you for always considering what is best for me in everything you've done. (Well I hope that's what you've been doing - only you know what's going inside that interesting head of yours) Thank you for teaching me the importance of honest and open communication. I would never forget that night when you asked me out in the most romantic location one could possibly think of. (Solid memz) (And great place IF we have any future anniversaries) Thank you for all the 'fun' experiences we've shared together (Yes you know which one I'm referring to in particular ;)) I hope we have many more nights just like that (well maybe just a bit more) You're a Tim Tam Because You're Simply Irresistible And you know which Guinness World Record of mine (or personal best) I would like to break ;) (please don't go finding another planet to live on to get away from me) And I love how we always go 'hunting' for the same places when we're out and about in public ;))))) I also would like to say that I miss you. A lot. <3 (AWWWWW) And I've been thinking about you A lot. (AWWWW) And Just like how I've previously never envisioned a life without a uni degree till this Monday, I've never been able to envision a life without you in it (and I probably won't be able to - but nothing is certain besides death - so I could be wrong I guess) I was never quite a full believer in soul mates Until I met you There was always a 'mystical' feeling I felt around you. I never understood what it was Until now I thought it was just 'lust' Or you were just secretly a 'fuckboi' (whatever that means) But I realised it was much more than that. OK, that's the last (massive) chunk of cheese I'm feeding you guys (for tonight). And I'm sure the rest of you have eaten enough cheese for the day. And I don't want to make you puke tonight. Because that's not my job -That's the job of your significant other <3 I don't know what you were expecting when I messaged you yesterday asking for your permission to have your first name in my 'story.' Well, since you said no, I assume you probably weren't expecting this. (man I had some great jokes I wanted to crack with your first name - GRRRRR) But again, as I have already told you, In this life, If we would like to have a nice and healthy relationship, We must accept the fact that we have the right to both reject and be rejected by others. And others hurt us but we also hurt others. That's just part of life. So, I respect your decision. I had to get that off my chest. Because now, When I'm on my deathbed, I don't have to be wondering what could've been had I chosen to tell you. Instead, When I'm on my deathbed, I can spend my last hours reflecting on what a wonderful life it's been Surrounded by my family and closest friends. Now, I've done everything I possibly could within my control. Now, it's all on you now. And please respect how it's a private matter between us two from now on. Your own love lives are much more interesting than mine. Trust me. Why would you want to see how someone else's story ends (or starts) when you can be writing your own 'story?' So go out there and tell that person you've been wanting to tell how you feel how you've felt all along! Be a girl! Growing up, it was always drilled into me that guys should be the ones chasing girls and girls should not chase guys. And that girls should play 'hard to get' Wouldn't life be so much simpler if you start feeling like you like someone, To say something along the lines of: "Hey. I like you. Do you feel the same way?" Then it can either only go one or two ways (Well we all hope it goes one particular way) And then you can move on happily with life and find someone else who also feels the same way and live happily ever after (well unless you're super unlucky and get a fence sitter And apologies, if that's the case, I don't have any further advice for you - you're on your own then xD) I used to think that expressing my emotions was a sign of weakness. I was 'wrong' (whatever it means to be 'wrong' or 'right') But I've realised it actually takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you feel hurt by something they've done. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them. But, in my opinion, by telling others how we feel, It actually liberates us. It allows us to make amends Instead of letting resentment build And then exploding later Like our own internal Big Bang Because in my Theory (I guess you can call it the Big Bang Theory), believe me, in my experience, I have exploded many times (not literally) By letting my resentment build (under the influence [heavy] of alcohol) If you don't believe me, Believe Bronnie Ware!! For those of you who don't know Bronnie, She worked as a palliative nurse for 8 years looking after people in their final days alive. And she writes in her book "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," That one of the top 5 regrets she heard from people with limited time on Earth was that they wished they had the courage to express their own emotions. I used to put on a face and act like something that really hurt me didn't affect me at all. I don't understand why I aspired to be a 'psychopath.' Because a key characteristic of a 'psychopath' is that they feel no emotions. Our ability to feel emotions, whether that be: Happiness Disappointment Joy Anger Resentment Love Is what makes us human. Why do we attempt to 'dehumanise' ourselves? So back to marriage…. Again, I am not against marriage. Well, even if I am, why should you care? It's your life and you choose and how you would like to live it. And believe me, in my humble opinion, life is too short for you to spend a couple of minutes writing a nasty comment trying to convince me of the importance of marriage. (Well if you decide to do so, I'm absolutely honoured! because it means I'm super important to you because you care a lot about what I think) But for me personally, I would just like to wear a nice white pretty long wedding dress for fun and take some photos around my closest family and friends Anyways, got a little side tracked again. Back to the topic: I know that many of us struggle or have struggled to find meaning in life. I'm one of them. And I'll be sharing my story with you. I know if I don't wake up tomorrow, I can Rest In Peace. Apologies, if I have generalised or made false assumptions in parts of my 'story' by using words like "We." I know that there is no other certainty besides death. But sometimes, it is 'easier' to do so to illustrate a point I'm trying to make. I hope you understand. If you don't like what I have to say, you can either (Mark Manson): 1. Do nothing OR 2. Do something I value all opinions and perspectives. I only ask that you do so in a courteous and respectful manner. Growing up, my dad was always the logical one and less of a 'dreamer' than I was. I tried having D&M (Deep and Meaningful conversations) with my Dad but they never turned out the way I hoped. 'Dad, what do you think the meaning of life is?' 'There's no meaning. You live. You die. That's it.' Wow! So optimistic Dad!! I love you Dad! Growing up, you also 'tried' (and I use the word 'tried' because you weren't that successful in doing so) to drill into me that it was a waste of time and energy to 'care too much' about the world Because you said there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to accept life the way it is. Well, back to Mark Manson's two options, You can probably guess which path I decided to take (and it wasn't to accept it I Refuse to accept the world as it is) To all my fellow peers out there, If I have offended you, please let me know. I am not perfect. I don't try to be perfect. And I don't need to be perfect. And as much effort as I've put it and how hard I've tried to minimise resentment and offense, (Just like how I'm trying to be at the minimum point on the parabola And at the maximum point on the parabola with my impact) I'm only human. And so are you. And to further illustrate my point that nothing in this world is 'perfect' (apologies if this sounds like an essay), My 'story' is not fully edited. I've ran through it once - made some changes and this is what you're reading now. There are errors. There are bits repeated. There are bits that make no sense whatsoever. This is to further highlight my belief that nothing in the world is 'perfect' (or the real reason could just be that I'm lazy and cbbs editing it) LOL DISCLAIMER: I do not accept any legal responsibility for any tears shed Or any laughs shared Or any puke vomited from cheese overload in the process of reading my 'story.' (Oh and in case you haven't realised already It's also R rated And if you don't know what that means Adults only!! - just kidding, anyone can read my 'story') I reckon that our mental state would be a better measure of our 'real age' Because our age is just a 1, 2 (or 3) (or 4) (or more) digit number which doesn't indicate anything about our 'maturity' level (whatever that means) nor our 'wisdom' (whatever that means) You are reading at your own risk. Remember It's YOUR own life. And YOU choose how to live it. (Please show appreciation for the fact that I've been nice and have made this disclaimer at a font size that you can actually see) [Tip: Get a box of tissues ready (don’t worry if you don’t know what tissues are - they just help absorb our tears) You can live without them! Actually we can live without a lot of things If my house was on fire, i know what i would choose to take - nothing at all - nothing but myself and my family - I slept in a room with nothing [not literally] but a mattress laid on top of the carpet on the floor with a blanket, pillow, oxygen, walls, life and I was clothed too] And in case you were wondering, I didn't choose to do that for fun. My house was under renovations for a couple of weeks (we repainted the entire house and changed the entire carpet) And during those two weeks, I felt like I was 'homeless' I can't imagine what it's like to actually be sleeping out in the open on the streets Or being a refugee I felt like I was being kicked out of my own dwelling and I didn't belong - I felt lost and very uncomfortable OK, so here's my 'story'. https://leeannchn.wixsite.com/dietolive/single-post/2018/05/13/Lets-Not-Live-To-Die-but-Die-To-Live

[jdmainman123]

So you guys want to hear about private dates

This one comes up a lot

Data breach

Any act

Zz FOUND IT

I don't know what that's funny you guys got to give me the answer though I'm not getting into this s***

ALL I KNOW ALL THE GIRLS ALL THE WHITE HAIR GIRLS HAVE BEEN CALLING ME ASK OUTSIDE in front of men in front of men only

No you a****** you know the men have a choice outside oh it's not what he said it's how he said it SATELLITE ASK YOU SEE THAT GUY OVER THERE HE'S A SATELLITE MAKER HE WANTS TO GIVE YOU YOUR OWN SATELLITE CUZ HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH JASON AND HE WANTS TO GIVE YOU YOUR OWN NETWORK IN YOUR OWN HOUSE and I look over at him and then he moves his eyes and it satellite says he says come over there and suck his dick right now

Yeah so private dates the girls have been asking me to have sex with them outside but in groups and crowds of people YEAH LIKE I'M AN IDIOT

That's the one he never got off but we know that's not true

He never got off the 16 bedroom houses is that why you guys talk about the house is so much 3/4 while you guys got a problem with big buildings THE ANTIDOTE IS you never got off outside

And I continue to repeat it in front of you people I say the boys and girls in the house the misstatement is because they never got off the front door THAT'S RIGHT THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSES OR THEY NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE BUILDINGS ONE OR THE OTHER EITHER OR

I think it's outside I caught satellite maker in operators on one specific coping handjobs

Yeah where do you people get off I'm in the middle of the parking lot POINTING AT PEOPLE ON THE SIDEWALK GIVE ME A HAND

So anyways obviously the 3/4 I've never been attacked by a girl so scorned by the Jason murders to never have sex outside YOU PEOPLE DON'T HAVE PRIVATE DATES

And this where you talk no pissed you guys off I'm at a train station 3:00 a.m. in the morning and I put my sleeping bag out cuz there's no more trains and it's snowing it's the only dry place I can find I LOOK UP AND THERE'S A SINGLE GIRL A WHITE HAIR WHITE SKIN GIRL JUST MY AGE

Next thing you know 50,000 troops are called in from LAX 3/4 TO SANDY HOOKER TO ALL HAVE SEX WITH HER SO SHE CAN HAVE THE BABY

An example we have here Las Vegas threatened to bomb Boston if I had sex with the white hair girl outside YES THEY DID I SWEAR TO GOD THEY SAID THEY WERE GOING TO BOMB THEM WITH WAR PLANES THAT WAS THE INCIDENT THAT CAUSED COVID-11 AND COVID-19

And I asked you satellite make her stop using the joke we're going to bomb your cities if yacht fish Jayson is not infinite

IT'S SO BAD I HAD TO RIP JASON FROM THE BLACK HAIR GIRLS HANDS CUZ SHE WAS IN HANDCUFFED AND IT WAS THE BOYS THE MEN THE BLACK MAN THAT WOULDN'T LET ME HAVE SEX WITH THE WHITE GIRLS

And I did hear you guys call the black hair white skin girl out in the name of Jason

So I said and I had to compromise I'm sorry black skin girls brown skin girls I HAD TO SAY THE WHITE SKIN GIRLS OWN JASON

Because I owe you

[jdmainman123]

All right Phoenix yacht fish here LISTEN THIS MIKE THING you know all fairness aside you guys have me had to put me in handcuffs TO FORCE ME TO HURT THESE BOYS right and and the girls did mention my bravery AND THANKFULLY IT WAS THE WHITE HAIR GIRL SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR DEAD N***** DAUGHTER WITH HER OPINION ......

We've been talking in our heads for two f****** long to make this n***** happy I UNDERSTAND IT'S A MISTAKEN WHAT YOU OWE HIM BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE PAID HERE WITH ONE CITY PHOENIX and have you ever heard of Hunter Biden yet what happened was once I hit the streets in a real City with real boys I look black hair whites on straight in the eyes and I said it's you or that f****** n*****I PROMISE UNDER ME GOLDSON HAS COMPLETE IMMUNITY well not anymore that I just called them out

But I'm seeing a black hair whites on in a light that I don't like to see I've been with him on 20 years of my life touring and we've had the greatest times and I've seen him at his top and I'm tired of seeing him out here begging

SO THE EMBARRASSMENT IS IS TAKING UP ANOTHER NOTCH SIMPLY BY ME SITTING ON A F****** TRAIN OR SITTING IN A F****** AIRPORT FOR YOU TO PLEASE IT'S BAD BREATH STINKY SKIN N***** we got to find the other accents the other word for microphone I found one that said El microfono HEY STARTS WITH THE LETTER E

So I asked for my heart and for my pain and sympathy for you to place her in my arms for me to deal with satellite maker it's not so much more of the boys that were going to get me in the trouble because unfortunately the world has turned a blind eye to a boy's cry BUT WHAT WOULD BE GETTING ME INTO TROUBLE IS THE HEARTBREAK OF SATELLITE MAKER and it's really difficult for me to gauge the respect WHEN HE KNOWS WHAT I KNOW THE MISSTATEMENT

MOST IMPORTANTLY GUYS WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS TALKING IN OUR BRAINS YOUR YOUR SATELLITE OPERATORS THE NEW RECRUITS ARE HAVING A FIELD DAY WITH THIS LAST NIGHT THEY KEPT ME UP TO 4:00 A.M. IN THE MORNING ANSWERING THE SAME ASKING THE SAME QUESTIONS THE PROBLEM IS the treason and in data breach satellite maker wants to tell the world that I told the people so he's flying a new recruits and here's the problem THEY'RE ASKING THE SAME QUESTIONS OVER AND OVER AND OVER THE SAME EXACT DATA BREACH TREES AND LEAKING CLASSIFIED INFORMATION THAT I KNOW they wouldn't have

So this is getting too far and and it seems like a real shame for for the satellite to play good cop bad cop and the holding hands alliance were everyone is safe around me they can say whatever they want to each other IT'S JUST THIS TALKING IN OUR HEADS TO EACH ONE OF US ON A TRAIN and in the co-ops I've never seen such a I've actually seen them lie more outside with co-ops lying to the people walking by them and then me and to ignore that simple minor perfection of you're not allowed to talk to him outside

That's right you're not allowed to talk to me outside but I see you guys lying during co-ops just because there's kids around or people around

Most importantly guys this is getting really lame and boring and more importantly embarrassing because there's some times when I have a confrontation that is real but I can't tell and then I get charged for walking off the train saying f*** it good cop bad cop I NEED BOTH OF THEM DEAD

So more importantly guys without her in my hands and this part of the world I don't know satellite maker has his own agendas for his own career following a statement waiting for it to come to the door in 5 years YOU KNOW IT'S LIKE WHEN I GOT OFF THE PLANE AND I WAS SINGING THAT SONG IN MY HEAD AND SATELLITE MAKING SAID I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT SONG IN 4 YEARS whoop that it is

The point is I can no longer continue talking in my head to people outside with this subliminal word DEATH TO AMERICA DEATH TO ENGLISH DEATH TO MIKE'S FAMILY NOW THAT THEY'RE ALL BLACK SKIN AND WANT TO CASTRATE BOYS

I called it