#idk im always over critical of my year in review stuff when i first make them then warm up as i become nostalgic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amerasdreams · 3 years

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I really hope my story turns into something-- otherwise I’ve wasted all this time

why does this always happen, I write something, takes a long time, then it doens’t turn into anything. not revisable. have to start from scratch-- well, that’s a whole new story! I’ll never get anywhere if that happens each time. If I have to write the whole thing over again, in a different form, and then that form is no good--- I mean. i don’t have unlimited time. Some people have written 20 novels by now. they write three novels a year. at this rate, I’ll have 1 novel by the time I’m 50, maybe

when I want to have a whole series!!!! and I want to have multiple series! multiple series of at least 6 books each! this one, the multiverses, one with future earth and space, a fantasy, maybe try something in this time and space but with Mysterious Happenings, time travel perhaps, maybe try a dif genre like mystery, horror....,. HOW CAN I POSSIBLY WRITE ALL I WANT

i mean, i need to be good enough at it by now to write the series I want, the books I want! I don’t care if they’re famous or I get a lot of money, i want a nice enthusiastic fandom. I don’t care about lots of good critics reviews. but I do want a good amount who like my stories and characters. maybe a movie or tv series ha-- just bc i want to see others’ interpretations of it. see my characters come to life, see who would play them etc. I want to write and touch people’s lives and souls. have my characters and themes resonate with them.

IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK

or am i doomed to labor in the shadows, never getting anywhere...

I get somewhere-- more than if I was writing what I didn’t care about. But idk... is it enough. I just. want my characters loved and seen by a nice fandom... i want to talk to ppl about my stories. and develop them with others’ input. and write lots of my series and see what happens! go on the adventure of it--

I’ve had this series in my head for almost 10 years! maybe 10 years this month. I made up Jet (wasn’t even his name then) when I was doing crossing guard and waiting for the few kids that crossed in my car. Writing notes and thinking. a character and situation emerged. and evolved a lot over the years. I wrote novels and then abandoned them, no good. abandoned this world and wrote about another. but always came back! There must be something here if I come back.

here I am, finally able to write a sequel, not just a sequel but a trilogy. I hope it’s finally canon... I’m finally making something that can work as a story, and as a foundation for what happens next. I hope things gather and finally make sense enough to launch everything else from. I mean, I wrote Justice Lost in 2012 (or was it 2013?... maybe it was 2013... or was that Spark... in any case been a while since the 1st one!). yes i think it was 2013 and then tried to write the sequel during Nano and that didn’t work. then I wrote Spark on the edge of 2014.... get it mixed up bc I was writing my first AIO fanfic, Fallout, on the end of 2012.....

But is it good enough... I never know till I’m finished and this time I’ve been writing for a long time-- it’s a trilogy and I won’t know if it’s any good till it’s totally finished!! am I totally flailing around, focusing on the wrong thing... should I even be writing this.... is this a viable kind of story... are these characters even working.. or is it just my imagination. would anyone else like or care about them. or do i need validation.... writing should be its own reward!!! and it is.

still. I love validation. :) i got spoiled... esp during fanfic..... comments and stuff I never dreamed of... some for my original fic.... it’s just! so fun.... not only do what you love but others love it! not only love your characters, your babies, but have others love them!!!! nothing like it. how can i still endure in silence and shadow like i used to when I know this whole world is out there... is it that my stories are no good or that they just don’t affect others like they do me. or that they need a lot of work :( after all this time-- or just that it’s a case of marketing. i suspect a lot of things are just good marketing whether their products are good or not... good graphic design to lure ppl in.... how do i lure ppl lol. the right ppl bc it’s true not all will like these stories. I hope that lots do, I mean-- maybe they are different than normal and different is good but they might not give it a chance bc of that... or may not even like it... but doens’t mean it’s not good, all a matter of perspective...

going crazy, maybe i should just write. but now my sister is over and it’s nice out. i wanted to be able to write today! but i have to do pet sitting... i’ll never get my stories done at this rate esp if i’m not relying on them for income lol (as if i could) bc i need to work on other stuff so i can actually get my own place... live with the minimum and write with the rest of the time. write for myself... immerse in the worlds.. good enough (i suppose sometimes emerge to experience the real world.... ). but to share it! i’ve just experienced a few times where others shared what i loved and they were all too sweet and fleeting. and my stories, what i like doing the most... if i could have just 1 i could talk in depth with... share my life with lol... as if. um... ramble! again. where am i going with this. i haven’t had caffeine i swear. but. i just realyl want. and really am scared at the cusp of this-- ending-- which I’m trying to pound out-- i have suspicions it’s too unwieldy... i need this to work!!!! i want to get done by March month but ... feb is almost over and there is no leap year (last year leap night was...traumatic)-- I want this to be my year and finally make it. to SOMETHINg after working all this time

stories are the things that should matter and they do. esp when im’ immersed in them and nothing else matters. i should just focus on that. focus on focusing on that. But i also want More

#writing #wip #ramble #jet march #why does it take me so long #now i have to revise #that will take years i'm afraid #then write others #have i finally figured out how to write?#minimum effectively?#i want to move ppls souls

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