#idk why my mutuals put up w me coz it's always like this huh?

[russeliarat]

Clearly I very much don't know my limits yet because the urgesTM are back

#i'll likely delete later #i say that and i'll prob forget again #tw suicide #tw self harm #mentioning for tags coz i'm ab to overshare my life again #idk why the suicidal/self-harming intrusive thoughts are back i usually have a better grasp on them #like i don't usually get those urges from something like it just being brought up #and i've not had any flashbacks or panic attacks or medical concerns (other than tics they've been more agressive lately) today #so i'm not really sure why it's come back again it's a bit silly tbh #it's not like i've even seen any weapons other than within their normal contexts like cooking etc #so idk why i'm having a weird thought to shoot myself #you can't even really buy a gun in england anyway so it's a bit stupid of a way to die lol #might as well just walk up to roadman and ask to be shivved at that point #god help me if my school's safeguarding account ever finds out this is me lol #i'd be in so much shit i'd literally be committed to a psych ward or just like permanent therapy #idk why my mutuals put up w me coz it's always like this huh? #ok i need to stop before i start spiralling again #that would not be good