#if i said gay lawrence but i also said autistic lawrence then. what

[zer0point5ive]

“how did i get here? i had everything in order. my whole life was in perfect order” really was crazy considering that was .. simply not true but. if i said that ‘in perfect order’ means something very specific to lawrence

if i said that, for lawrence, order is being able to maintain the facade of being the perfect family man, the doctor with certificates on his office wall and a wedding band on his finger, the guy who also attempts to pursue an affair with another woman because he’s desperately trying to convince himself of .. something

creating this narrative around himself and making sure everything he thinks he is or wants to be is maintained in little boxes, meticulously organised to the point that it’s falling apart in front of his eyes and it’s still ‘in perfect order’, it’s still preferable to the alternative .. having to face himself. and then ! well then he wakes up locked in a room with his choices that led to this point laid bare

chained up with no way out as he’s suddenly forced to confront it all, a front row seat as the careful persona he’s built crumbles before his eyes when the man opposite him pulls out a bunch of photos. lawrence, who’s so careful to only be perceived in a very specific way, who presents himself as this guy he’s created, is suddenly faced with someone he can’t hide from, someone who’s seen at least partly beneath the exterior and developed it in black and white. lawrence, who claims that he’s never in photos, suddenly being faced with this reality of himself being captured in the flash of adam’s camera

#im perfectly average about lawrence my feelings are extremely normal now who wants the ten page essay #i could talk about gay lawrence forever he compels me so much #saw bathroom closet metaphor still goes crazy #if i said gay lawrence but i also said autistic lawrence then. what #masking nd being the person he thinks is ‘correct’ while also repressing his sexuality what Then #everything else aside because. autistic lawrence is insanely real to me #lawrence gordon #saw 2004 #📹 #woke up at 5am delirious nd in a cold sweat typed this out & then passed out again #what lawrence will do to a guy

[thewickedbohemian]

Watched the So Help Me Todd S2 premiere and I Have Thoughts

Nice to see Todd taking things to the next level and feeling even more like Shawn Spencer (even down to the helipad thing feeling totally a Shawn reaction, or maybe an Ezekiel Jones one)

Speaking of which, it seems Todd's trickster luck's still in full force (as since early on S1 SHMT I've grouped Shawn, Ezekiel and Todd together in my mind as similar tricksters who feel like they all have the same pseudo-magical freaky luck/Bugs Bunny bullshit (Shawn has been Word-Of-God said to work by Bugs Bunny rules as much as one could in a live-action setting) going on hmm maybe crossover fic potential esp. since Bugs Bunny takes a lot of Doylist influence from the mythological Loki do with that what you will )

Alison's blonde hair leading to (esp. as she might be an INFP like me) even more "self-recognition through the blorbo" (as if she'd had bangs it would look a lot like mine) and between that and how much I already am in the weird state of both relating to and crushing on Todd, if we get more depth on Lawrence and there's something other than gayness there for me to connect to (like people have said if anyone in the ensemble could be neurodivergent autistic!Lawrence is a possibility) it's going to be (albeit without the crush for the example with minors) The Middle all over again with me vibing with all three siblings and a mom a lot like mine

Speaking of dyed hair is it just me or does Margaret's look as if she dyed it black I mean seriously she looked a bit like an older Regina Mills at some points

OK so how many permissions did they had to get for how much they expied about CBS news (I mean to the degree of having a J. Giannola as an anchor and I think the weatherman's name was also similar to one of our local (Oregonian here) guys)

Even if it was only briefly Lyle singing was not on my bingo card (that and the announcement of Heather Morris joining the recurring cast makes me wonder if musical episode in our future?)

Love the Margaret/Harry and Todd/Susan moving on parallels

Between those and all that stuff with the station full of gays including the actual-news-interns thinking Todd's cute and even down to them pointing out his "gay" look at dinner, potential tease for Todd rebounding with a guy?

Love the whole Phantom Of The Opera motif with not just the lighting "chandelier" drops and the music but the culprit being the lovestruck guy with the facial disfigurement who right before the final drop said something about "love never dies" (aka the title of the POTO sequel)

Major ?! about the whole scene with Beverly and Susan and the partner track, I know firms can have more than three partners but if you'll pardon throwing a blorbo from another show briefly under the bus what is it with badass beautiful bitches named Beverly and butting their butt into everyone's business (and yes the alliteration was accidental until about halfway through)

Just going to bring this petition back around so people keep fighting to make sure this isn't the end (it being Elsbeth's lead-in (albeit two weeks later than I originally thought) indicates the network has some degree of faith but I want to make sure especially because online acquaintances in the industry have told me IF it gets a third season (but that's the operative part here) a fourth is almost a guarantee)

#so help me todd #so help me todd spoilers #cbs so help me todd #so help me todd cbs #shawn spencer #psych #ezekiel jones #the librarians #renewsohelpmetodd #elsbeth cbs #shmt cbs #pardon my adhd ramblings I sound like Todd #And not just because of that but now I wonder if there's a case for ADHD!Todd

[inkdemonapologist]

Do you think Jack and Sammy's relationship could possibly be a little strained in the canon? I mean, it's kind of obvious that Jack is a little envious of the attention Sammy gets, and when they start working at the studio together, its seems like the two keep distance from one another? Like, you have Jack working far away from the music department in the sewers by himself, and it's also interesting to note that Sammy never mentions Jack in the tape recordings either in the game.

(Grain of salt, as always, that I haven’t gotten to read through TIOL for myself yet -- I’ve had excerpts transcribed and shared with me, and the scenes with Sammy and Jack are ones I’ve seen big chunks of, but u know, general disclaimer!!)

I don’t agree with the conclusion that it’s “obvious” that Jack is envious, though that does seem to be the popular takeaway! I think it’s just one possibility, and I definitely read it differently myself. But, I do think this is a very possible and easily supported reading of the text and game -- 

-- the idea that Jack and Sammy are partners with opposite personalities who need each other but also grate on each other; Jack putting up with Sammy’s general condescension and disrespect because of his musical skill, and Sammy dealing with Jack because he needs someone to Handle People for him or else he’d drive away every potential job -- and once Sammy has Joey and the music director job, he no longer needs Jack for that. Jack’s audiologs then follow a really easy arc, too -- Jack complains about how aggravating working in the music department is, Jack runs off to the sewers to get away from Sammy’s nonsense, Jack sees too much in the sewers [and probably gets murdered], Jack is gone by the events of DCTL and never mentioned or noticed despite previously being important enough to have “meetings” with Joey every day. There’s definitely evidence to support this reading!

It is also… not how I read it!

I take Joey’s story of what happened mostly at face value, and we absolutely do see them getting irritated with each other here (Sammy doesn’t wanna be part of Jack’s comedy routine, Jack is frustrated when Sammy gets fixated on recognising Joey from his old job), but the whole scene with Sammy and Jack has to be at least a little filtered through the fact that Joey clearly has just the biggest crush on Sammy Lawrence. Jack is nice, but he’s not Interesting to Joey the way Sammy is -- unreadable, mysterious Sammy who won’t give him the time of day. So is it any wonder that the guy who thinks Sammy understands his vision, that Sammy is like a god, that Sammy is so unknowably brilliant, is going to zoom in on the strain he sees between Sammy and his much more Ordinary partner, the ways they don’t match and shouldn’t work, the way that Sammy was always better suited to be his? The tension makes for a more interesting story for Joey anyhow!

You can certainly read Jack’s “haha that’s nice but let’s return to a conversation I’m in” interruption as being jealous of attention, but to me it’s actually a kinda funny and candid comment (that, if u want, could hint at sentiments of “wow y’all are getting pretty gay over there please remember I am also here�� that Joey for obvious reasons glosses over lmao). I ALSO can’t stop thinking about how surprisingly direct it is, like, Jack’s figured out how to stay casual and jokey while also expressing his frustrations very directly and unambiguously to his neurodivergent partner -- “don’t cut me out of the conversation, talk about something I can talk about too” -- and Joey caught that it wasn’t really a joke, but despite his obsession with What’s Sammy Thinking, he doesn’t report Sammy being annoyed at this interruption and redirection. To Sammy, this was normal, and he gets back on track afterwards.

I know I said before that Sammy’s autistic but it’s REALLY getting harder and harder to read him ANY OTHER WAY, which makes me squint a bit at how much Joey reads into Sammy’s “seriousness” and “unreadable” emotions. Meanwhile Jack doesn’t apologise for Sammy’s behaviour, even when it’s weird or rude, and in fact speaks with some fondness, as if this is just how Sammy is -- you could read his comments about Sammy as sarcastic or exasperated, but I love the idea that he’s just… used to this and takes it in stride? Like, nah, he wasn’t snubbing you when he didn’t shake your hand, he just doesn’t shake hands. That’s just Sammy. There’s frustrations between them, but ultimately they handle this whole thing as a pair -- Jack handles the friendliness, the performance, but he trusts Sammy when Sammy barges in with questions and demands, and he doesn’t always know what’s in Sammy’s head but he rolls with it. It seems like there has to be a lot of trust, and so much that seems unspoken? Like, this is such a HUGE SHIFT IN JOB, and they don’t even discuss it with each other -- Jack clearly wants the job, but waits until Sammy’s satisfied that it’s good for him; Sammy makes his demands and just leaves, Jack takes that cue and shakes Joey’s hand -- it’s as if they’re two parts of a whole and they both know it. Like when old married couples only look one way when turning into traffic, because they know the other is looking the other way and they don’t even have to check….

I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS,,,,,,, ANYWAY,,,,,,

I’ve talked before about my pre-TIOL takeaways on things like the audiologs between Jack and Sammy (suffice to say, I don’t think it’s surprising that these two prefer to have some space and quiet when they’re working), but really, there’s never… been any canon at all for their interactions before, haha. Seeing them as a pair like this has given my Jack x Sammy heart more fuel than it had ever hoped for!!!

But questions about what I think might be true in “the canon” are something I’m never sure how to answer. Like… just in the sense that, while I do get a kick out of working within the canon info whenever possible, I definitely didn’t get into this fandom to puzzle out what was intended! When I first got into BatIM and delighted at the evidence for Joey x Henry and Joey x Sammy, it wasn’t because I thought those things were intentional -- quite the opposite; at the time, I strongly suspected they were an accident. When I’m figuring out my own headcanons, I’m not trying to figure out authorial intent; I’m usually looking at the canon we have and trying to find something that makes sense with what we know that’s the most compelling to me! Not necessarily trying to do My Own Unique Take, but also I’m not really here to try to guess how the franchise is gonna go or what the True Canon is or anything.

#bendy: the illusion of living spoilers #Jack Fain #sammy lawrence #jack x sammy #the canon crew #we all write on the walls #i know you have questions you always do #i'd say there was magic there #Joey: oho is there tension between them??? me: YOU FOOL THEYRE MARRIED #the illusion of living

[drchristineputnam]

M/M romance recs

Here’s a list of my favourites! Organised by genre, with very broad summaries. All of them have HEA, all the m/m romances are the central ones. 

Names in bold have POC protagonists, names in cursive have disabled protagonists (be it physical disability, mental illness or chronic illness). In series with multiple couples, it’s usually one or more.

Feel free to ask me about triggers for any of them!

Historical:

Soldier’s Scoundrel by Cat Sebastian

Disabled regency war vet aristocrat decides to hang around a self-proclaimed ex-criminal helping those who need help. Said ex-criminal tries not to be charmed, ends up catching feelings instead

The Lawrence Browne Affair by Cat Sebastian

Confidence artist grows a conscience and angers dangerous people, so he needs to pose as a secretary to a scientifically minded, but eccentric Lord. Really beautiful portrayal of people on autistic spectrum and anxiety.

The Ruin of a Rake by Cat Sebastian

Posh and straight-laced gentleman has to help a famous scoundrel aristocrat to restore his image after a raunchy novel supposedly based on his exploits gets published. Contains ridiculous amounts of adorable kittens, tasty pastries and also wonderful portrayal of chronic illnesses

Sins of the Cities by KJ Charles

Trilogy set in victorian London, during the horrible London Fog of 1873. Three wonderful and diverse couples (one is half-indian with dyspraxia, one is non-binary, one was born with partial arm, one is near-sighted), murder mystery, fake mediums, lost earls, intrigue! It’s so good 

Wanted, a Gentleman by KJ Charles

A delightful and frankly hilarious regency romp through British countryside. An unlikely couple of men need to travel to Gretna Green to save a young girl from potentially dangerous marriage. One of the protagonists is a black ex-slave merchant and the book touches upon his experiences (very respectfully!)

Society of Gentlemen by KJ Charles

A Society of gentlemen who like other gentlemen, centered around Lord Richard Vane and his friends and acquitances. Set during the radical uprising during the Regency, it has everything- friendships and families, sedition, intrigue, bookstores and good wine, valets being the mightiest strategists and amazing lovable radicals. This trilogy is honestly my favourite thing EVER.

Think of England by KJ Charles

Wounded during the Boer war, seemingly because of treason and betrayal, Archie Curtis sets off to a countryside mansion to get to the bottom of the matter. Completely unprepared for the task, he teams up with Daniel da Silva, the elegant jewish poet, who is much more capable than he seems. Absolutely delightful <333

HISTORICAL PARANORMAL

Whyborne and Griffin series by Jordan L. Hawk

The adventures of a shy sorcerer linguistic nerd, his detective husband, the most badass lady archeologist (the actual love of my life) and more, as they save the world from otherworldly beings bent on destroying it. Will make you cry about found families, strong and wonderful friendships and broken people finding strength in each other. Has magic, archeology, monsters, reluctant travels, lesbian warrior fishes and the best ginger cat in the world.

Hexworld series by Jordan L. Hawk

Turn of the century New York witch detectives and their familiars must fight to uncover a conspiracy plan to change the world. Really amazing worldbuilding, the magic system is very cool and it will make you furious about the treatment of familiars. The familiars are, generally speaking, fucking hilarious.

A Charm of Magpies by KJ Charles

Filthy-mouthed dominant earl falls in love with a stubborn and heroic wizard, together they create magic. A lot of people want that magic though, and it gets ugly. First KJ book I’ve ever read and I fell in love instantly. Has two more books set in the same universe with different protagonists and those are also amazing. (Rag and Bone is the one with black protagonist)

A Death by Silver by Melissa Scott and Amy Griswold

University-era friends need to figure out their confused emotions, while investigating a murder that brings out bad memories. Very good and soft, with even a better sequel

Downtime by Tamara Allen

When in London for a case, FBI agent gets sent back in time to Victorian London. While there, he finds out magic is real. Decides that since he’s there anyway, might as well investigate who Jack the Ripper was. Very sweet and soft

Restless Spirits by Jordan L. Hawk

A medium and a scientist bent on proving said medium to be a fraud get chosen to be in a contest to prove which side is better. They end up having to team up to save lives of people around.

The Secret Casebook of Simon Feximal by KJ Charles

Journalist and writer Robert Caldwell has been a close friend and lover of ghost hunter Simon Feximal for years and has been chronicling their adventures. Now, he finally writes the true story of their life together. Warning: this book will absolutely ruin you for years to come. You will be a mess whenever you think of the book and you will enjoy every second of it.

Green Men by KJ Charles

Set in the world of The Secret Casebook of Simon Feximal. Only few years after WW1, Britain is still recovering from the war. Having lost an entire generation of youth and most of the sorcerers the country had, those left are completely unprepared for what’s to come. Wonderful characters, the softest romance I’ve read possibly ever and beautifully melancholic. Best KJ book, in my opinion.

CONTEMPORARY

Shadow of the Templar by M. Chandler

FBI agent and his team are tasked with catching a famous international art thief, they end up kinda sorta accidentally adopting him instead. One of the funniest series I’ve ever read, honestly.

Cut&Run by Abigail Roux and Madeleine Urban

The incredible adventures on an unlikely pair of FBI agents go from enemies to lovers. Includes serial killers, undercover luxury yacht trips, tiger trafficking, drugs, marine buddies and one of the genuinely best character developments I’ve read. Warning, the first book is a bit shit. The rest is absolutely incredible though.

The General and the Horse-lord by Sarah Black

Retired ex-military lovers need to figure out what to do with their relationship, now that they’re civillians. A soft look at older gay people still figuring out their sexuality.

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

Neil Josten is on the run from his mafia murderous father and gets signed up for a professional college sports team, while people are still after him. It’s a really powerful emotional journey, but contains a large amount of a very triggering content, so be safe please.

 CONTEMPORARY PARANORMAL

THIRDS series by Charlie Cochet

FBI like team consisting of shifters and their partners must investigate conspiracy and threats against the new shifter population. Ridiculously hilarious at times, absolutely heartbreaking at other.

Deep Magic by Gillian St. Kevern

A story steeped in welsh folklore, with beautiful mermaid princes and knights who will save them. Shows the power stories have to change our lives. Plus it’s free so what are you waiting for?

Psycop series by Jordan Castillo Price

A medium detective and his partner investigate a series of supernatural crimes. People are horrible, corporations are horrible, ghosts are horrible and lbr, everything is kinda horrible, but it gets better.

Wriggle and Sparkle by Megan Derr

The adventures of Lynn the Kraken shifter and Anderson the unicorn shifters, their detective careers, and their life together. Honestly adorable. And when I say adorable, I mean sparkles-on-rainbow-filled-cupcake kind of adorable. Also, Lynn’s gender-presentation is fluid and it’s absolutely wonderful.

FANTASY

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat

Prince gets betrayed and sent as a slave to his sworn enemy, they end up working together to save their countries and fall in love. The best enemies to lovers example. Has amazing and complex politics, unreliable narrator and great worldbuilding. You’ve probably already heard of this book, but if you’re worried about triggers, please ask someone who actually read it, because there’s a lot of misinformation flying around.

Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling

The fantasy series of your dreams. There is ancient evil being revived, war is coming, everyone is bisexual and the kingdom is ruled by an ancient line of warrior queens. Everyone is wonderful and charming, characters are complex and the story will make you laugh and cry.

The God Eaters by Jesse Hajicek

Western-style world, where gods are reborn as humans, and one of them tried to control the whole world. It doesn’t go exactly as he planned.

Lord of the White Hell by Ginn Hale

Teenage genius inventor gets accepted to a prestigious boarding school in enemy territory. His room-mate might be demon-possesed and there’s some evil magic lurking around.

Champion of the Scarlet Wolf by Ginn Hale

Somewhat sequel to Lord of the White Hell. Disgraced noble travels to a faraway country, where he saves an injured dog. Turns out the dog isn’t just a dog, magic is everywhere around them and there’s a witch war coming.

Fairytales Slashed vol. 1 by Megan Derr

A collection of gay fairy tales. All kinds of stories with all kinds of characters (my favourite one is the one with the jester <333)

Dance with the Devil by Megan Derr

Adventures of half-ghost detective, his demon husband, imp partner, witch colleague and a vampire. Really cute and intriguing, with mysteries and conspiracies.

Dance in the Dark by Megan Derr

Set in the same universe as Dance with the Devil (there’s an entire series). Human son of a dracula becomes a detective, moves out to the city to help others, and gains a lover who only visits him in the dark.

The Rapier Brothers by Megan Derr

A collection of short stories centered around swordsmen. Three different couples, three really cute stories. Love it.

#romance novels #book recs #m/m romance #m/m fiction #mlm literature #long post #yall better share this bcs I fried my brain at it