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blogsanscontext · 3 years

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A Closer Look at: Momoe Sawaki’s character arc; by a nonbinary (trans) viewer.

CW: Major spoilers for Wonder Egg Priority + mentions and discussion of sexual assault, transphobia, lesbophobia, self-harm; please proceed with caution.

Wonder Egg Priority came as a relatively pleasant surprise for me; I heard about it some time after the first few episodes aired, but I never actively went out of my way to ever try to watch it myself until, that is, a few days ago. I must say, I’m glad to have taken the initiative to experience such anime on my own.

With a stunning animation to accompany the heavy subjects this work touches on, I quickly fell in love with it; all the characters feel very grounded in reality, with their struggles (even someone like Neiru’s, who is a literal genius and CEO of her own company) feeling relatable in one way or another. Episode 7 became my favorite due to this very thing, Rika’s problems were things that not only have I seen in other works before, but that I know exist because of the stories told in the news every so often. It only helped, in my opinion, that they gave a character with her background such a hopeful ending.

That being said, Wonder Egg is not a perfect anime, and though I didn’t expect it to be in the first place, I do think talking about why some of the ways it handles a specific character of the main cast are problematic are worth the time. When I mentioned that “all the characters feel very grounded in reality”, I actually only meant three of them, a.k.a.: Ai, Rika and Neiru. The reason Momoe is not included in this group is what I will be discussing in the next paragraphs.

This anime lets you know, right off the bat, that it will not stray away from heavy subjects throughout the duration of its runtime; the show deals with suicidal idealization (and actual suicide as well as its aftermath; in fact, “female suicide” is at the very core of the show and is what essentially moves it forward), self-harm, sexual assault, same-sex relationships, transphobia, and being a gender noncomforming person in a society that punishes you for not adhering to the roles it has imposed on you since childhood. The last points are the ones I took issue with, however, and though they are mostly the show’s fault, they also took it upon themselves to make Momoe be at the center of all three.

See, when we are first introduced to Momoe, we can guess by context that she is a girl, however, the other characters aren’t aware of this fact yet, and so they seemingly go out of their way to call her a boy, which makes her deeply uncomfortable, and this (ie. her reaction to be treated or perceived as a boy) is a running theme throughout her arc. This, in itself, isn’t really the worst creative direction to take with a character, it’s a story that has been told time and time again, but there is a problem with the way Wonder Egg Priority specifically deals with it: Momoe is cisgender, and so far, there hasn’t been a sign of this changing whatsoever, so she will most likely remain cis until the show ends. Normally, a story about a gender noncomforming cis person wouldn’t be seen as anything out of the extraordinary, as I’ve mentioned before, but it seems that they wanted to… “innovate”, so to say, with her character. And it’s this innovation, in my opinion, that which makes Momoe’s struggles miss the mark for me.

Momoe is perceived, almost ridiculously so, as a boy by whoever even so much as stumbles upon her; her followers on Instagram most likely worship her because they’re under the impression that she’s a bishounen, and yet the show goes out of its way to deal with just how uncomfortable this makes her. This is the issue I take with her and her arc: the show has a keen awareness of AFAB people’s issues, and treats them with the respect they deserve (which is not to say some jokes at their expense aren’t made, but in general this tone is kept throughout the duration of the story), and yet the tone-deaf manner in which they deal with her issues feels… disappointing, to say the least.

Momoe’s struggles, though they are valid on their own, are not a societal issue, no matter how one may look at them; if she were a trans person (either a trans girl, boy, or nonbinary), the strong emphasis on her discomfort at being misgendered would have made so much more sense. The reason why ‘switching around’ the stereotype of a tomboy falls flat on its face is that there is no real pressure from society to present feminine, it’s what they want you to, or more accurately, force you to do if you’re perceived as being assigned female at birth; however, this is not where my issues with Momoe’s arc and character end.

At first, I imagined a variety of (albeit vague, still reasonable) reasons as to why this show couldn’t have just made Momoe be trans, and semi-understanding of this decision; that was, of course, until I watched the actual episode mostly focused on her struggles, and that’s when I got slightly mad. Being honest, I still think it was a good episode, and it definitely made Momoe seem way more sympathetic than any of her past appearances, but it also perfectly highlighted my problem with her, and subsequently, the show itself: using queer people’s actual, realistic, problems in order to push her, a cisgender character, forward.

The thing with Wonder Egg Priority is that I love how, despite all these girls literally risking their lives to save a specific person, they still seem to have conflicting feelings about them (ie. Rika’s mocking of Chiemi, Ai’s frustration towards Koito, etc.) but I also take issue with this when it comes to Momoe specifically; Haruka is very much intended to be seen as gay, yet when push comes to shove, we are supposed to be taking Momoe’s side in this conflict. We, the audience, see these events from her point of view, and are therefore made to feel, in one way or another, uncomfortable with Haruka’s attraction for her. Yes, Momoe has worked hard to bring her back to life, but the fact that she’s cis and heterosexual stands; this isn’t just exclusive to Haruka, however, but every egg she’s had to save in order to get her friend back. All of them express a clear attraction for Momoe, “despite her being a girl”, and it’s just very easy to read these attitudes as wlw-phobic, extremely so.

My biggest issue though lies within the very existence of Kaoru’s character, the trans boy she has to protect in the episode mainly focused on her; while he is an endearing and sympathetic character, and I like that despite him presenting ‘majorly female’, Momoe never misgenders him. The thing is: he’s made out to be almost a “parallel” of her own gender-related issues, and this is just a very tone-deaf statement to make; trans people fighting not to be misgendered, fighting to be called their chosen name (something Momoe, while being cis, can just freely enjoy) - trans people’s pain is very much real, which the show is aware of, but Momoe’s is very much an individual’s problem rather than the way society actually works, which Wonder Egg is seemingly unaware of, for whatever reason.

Before I arrive at my last point on why this comparison doesn’t work, I would like to quickly point out the fact that most, if not all, the eggs the girls have had to save until this point were specifically meant to be girls, in one way or another. Therefore, taking this into account, Kaoru makes me feel… a lot of things, the more time I spend thinking about it; the show acknowledges he’s a boy, though not cis of course, but still very much a boy, yet also places him in this very much ‘female’ space; no matter how I looked at it, I could find explanations both for an opinion in favor of this decision (the way a lot of trans men’s problems are defined by our patriarchal society seeing them as women) as well as some for an opinion against this decision (the fact that it could be read as the show ultimately deciding he’s ‘female-aligned’, etc.) and though I won’t be discussing this decision in-depth, I still possess that it’s an event worth examining from different lenses.

Now, onto the actual element that got me heated about Kaoru serving as a parallel to Momoe’s struggles: Kaoru was not only sexually assaulted by a man who’s always thought of him as a ‘pretty, delicate girl’, his death directly relates to the fact that he was abused and then impregnated by this man for not living up to his gross ideal of what a man and a woman are; contrast this to Momoe, who pretty much gets the treatment Kaoru would love to have: she’s pretty much right off the bat seen as a guy, she’s fawned over by women because of this fact as well, they literally call her ‘Momotaro’, etc. Taking all of this into account, it’s simply impossible for me to be okay with a comparison that ultimately decides a cisgender person’s discomfort is, in any sort of way, on equal grounds as a (might I remind you, dead) trans person’s basic human rights.

All in all, though her episode made me take a bigger liking to her character, it also served to almost perfectly highlight the very problem of her existence, as well as the “struggles” she’s intended to represent; I don’t hate Momoe in any sort of way, and though I know there must be someone somewhere who relates to her, I also think that they could’ve done something way more meaningful with her had they just made some changes that made her more realistic (as in, make her at least be LGBT rather than just cis and heterosexual); I will be patiently waiting for the finale, and who knows? Maybe something does change about her in the end, that would be even more of a pleasant surprise.

#wonder egg priority #meta #momoe sawaki

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aeondeug · 3 years

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list 10 different female faves from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people

@wolffyluna left it open to whoever felt like it and I need a break between class and studying so...let’s go in no particular order... 1. Jame from The Chronicles of the Kencyrath. For a lot of reasons, really. Jame is just kind of...A mood? And one I personally really have needed. She’s like very much not a girly girl, but she’s still got like girly concerns and also she rides a death metal unicorn and she has a cat she is magically bonded to. Jame is very much a little girl power fantasy kind of character, but she’s also like deeply fucked up due to her very fucked up upbringing. And the handling of said mental issues and trauma is handled really well and in a Very Real sort of way. Jame’s also just fun and cute and hot and she falls off of something once a book at least. Also a character, a woman at that, whose method of helping things is breaking stuff? While also challenging the fact that choices are hard and your best intentions might still fuck shit up? Hell yeah. Go Jame. 2. Harrowhark Nonagesimus from The Locked Tomb Trilogy. THE NEWEST FAV OF THE BUNCH. She’s goth. She’s a nun. She’s gay. She’s a necromancer. This is all very good shit alone. But then there is like the sort of person Harrow is. And Harrow is the sort of girl who will go days without sleep and break a bone and be like “Well I got a test today...” before downing 15 Red Bulls and taking some pain killers before going to class. Then she will get an A on the test and be a fuck about that. She’s mean, she’s got an ego, she’s weird and standoffish. But like she hates herself and she’s like weirdly repressed in certain ways and she’s neglected as shit. I love this awful bone witch 10/10 would watch her kick Griddle in the face again. 3. Soifon from Bleach. She’s angry. She’s short. She’s wasp themed. Also like the entirety of her story in the Soul Society arc is this like...It’s the aftermath of your typical S narrative, except the little sister and big sister were highly trained murder ninjas from the afterlife. Also one turns into a cat. Soifon’s just kind of a mood and she’s fun and she’s got a lot of potential for fans to play around with, both seriously and jokingly. Also like Soifon’s bookending is just...It works really well I feel like. Honestly, Soifon’s arcs in general are fun things and they’re good shows of what the narrative strengths of Bleach are and where they are. 4. Edelgard von Hresvelg from Fire Emblem: Three Houses. I have written over 80 poems involving this woman. I have written essays about her. El and her deal with trauma just...Hits right in a lot of ways. Also I appreciate having like an abuse survivor who is a woman who like...Doesn’t just lie down and take shit? And I appreciate that we can see what an Edelgard who doesn’t start recovering becomes versus what an Edelgard who does start recovering is like. We get to see both sides of this in one character. She can be both a hero and a monster. And that’s just really important to see when you’re an abuse survivor with BPD. I also really appreciate that she’s just such a cute goober about romance? Like El’s a romantic. She wants a fairy tale romance and a happily ever after. That’s cute as fuck. 5. Zero from Force of Will. Is Force of Will’s story awkward trash? Yeah. It is. But I love this grumpy gay vampire bitch so much. She is a gay vampire wizard who is married to a gay elf and her magic is at its most potent when she is pissed the fuck off. Good shit. She’s also the ruler behind my absolute favorite deck in the entire game and like in a tcg in general? She’s scrappy and annoying and hard to get rid off and she’ll tell you “No” a lot while also hitting you very hard in the face. I like that. It’s fun and can make people feel helpless against it. Which I think works well with her character? Her rulers also never work well with her wife’s, which I find a funny way of representing that they argue a lot via gameplay mechanics. 6. Houjou Satoko from Higurashi. A lot of people say she’s irritating and the worst character and you know what? That’s fair. Satoko is annoying. She’s a huge fucking brat. But like. I dunno. I get why she is. And she’s the first time I can think of where I saw like the way kids can and will sabotage attempts to get CPS involved in their situation portrayed. Like she knows she’s being abused and she knows that shit sucks and would like it to not suck, but she still sabotages her friends’ attempts to get the authorities involved because she knows what happens when the authorities can’t get you out. I’ve got a complicated relationship with CPS, due to my experiences with it as a kid. The arc where they come this close to saving her and fail is the most soul crushing fucking thing. 7. Tsukino Usagi from Sailor Moon. So like with Jame this is partly a case of like a girl who is very authentically girl. She cries a lot and easily. She’s kind of lazy as hell. She wants to just laze about and eat shit food and read comics and play games. But she also like wants to have a fairy tale romance and like. Fuck that’s a mood. Like that’s it. That’s what being a girl is like! Authentically a girl! Also there’s just something very satisfying about Usagi getting so fucking sad that the universe just outright apologizes to her basically and brings a dead girl back to life. Is it realistic? No. But I don’t care. Sometimes you just want reality to listen to you and your feelings. 8. ENA from...ENA. ENA’s rapid and extreme mood swings are like. They’re cool. I mean not cool cool but like. I’ve got BPD so like seeing extreme mood shifts like that is cool. Also she’s fucking rad as hell looking and in a really weird ass series of shorts? With hourglass dogs and turrónes and what not. I find ENA hard to describe. Just go watch Auction Day. 9. Fate Testarossa from Nanoha. Starts out a highly abused child and then ends up a gay mom. Fate’s just a really sweet person and she cares a lot. And I really like that she like has a weird complicated relationship with her mom. Like she knows the woman hated her and she knows that they way she was abused was shit but like...She does still love her mom. A lot. And what happened to her affects the entire trajectory of her life from that point on. Hell, she fucking chooses her career path as like a space cop for the express purpose of making sure that there aren’t any other Fate Testarossas made. Fate’s a character who is affected heavily by her trauma, but she’s not stuck in her trauma. She’s not destroyed by it. But it still very much impacts her life and it’s never going away. 10. Remilia Scarlet from Touhou. She’s a fucking vampire what the fuck else do I need? She’s like one of those eternal child vampires too so she’s a fucking brat who tries to act cool and refined. But really she’s like a dumb kid in a lot of ways. She still tries to be an adult though. There’s a lot of fun ways you can handle Remilia. A lot of fun ways that people have written her. That’s part of the fun of Touhou in general, really. Remi’s just my favorite of the Touhous because she’s a bratty vampire with a Dio reference maid. Also have you seen her blocking animation from Hisoutensoku? Because if not you fucking should. It’s great. anyway. whoever else wants to do this go for it i guess.

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

K.M. Szpara‘s debut Docile was one of the most binge-able, divisive reads of 2020. A near-future drama set in a world in debt crisis (imagine that), Docile explores the violence of capitalism at the most intimate of interpersonal levels, as we follow Elisha as he sells himself to trillionaire Alex in order to pay off his family’s debts. With Docile, Szpara, a queer and trans Baltimore-based author, proved himself willing to dive into some complex, culturally loaded subjects to tell a science fiction story that reflects some central yet ignored truths about our contemporary society. For me, a White reader, the ways in which Docile works outweigh it doesn’t (one major criticism: the book’s avoidance of addressing America’s real-life history of slavery), but this will be different for every reader.

In his second book, First, Becomes Ashes (out today!), Szpara is similarly ambitious in topic and theme. Ashes is a standalone novel that takes place in the aftermath of the destruction of a maybe-magical cult, following four different characters caught up in the messy repercussions of the FBI’s raiding of the Fellowship of the Anointed. Much of the novel’s early perspective comes from Lark, an almost 25-year-old who believes wholeheartedly in the teachings of cult leader Nova, and that he has been chosen to learn magic and martial arts in order to hunt the monsters that ravage the world outside the Fellowship gates. Like Docile, it’s a startlingly unique premise. Despite having four separate POV characters, Ashes is able to maintain a mystery around some of the fundamental truths of this world, leaving the reader to wonder if magic exists in this world or not.

Den of Geek: Where did the inspiration for the book that would become First, Become Ashes begin?

K.M. Szpara: The idea hit me like a comeback three hours too late! I’ve always been interested in cults and faith and belonging. As a speculative fiction author, I had to give it a fantasy twist. Magic is something many of us have wished for since childhood. What if it was real—and then what if we were told it wasn’t?

This book has several POV characters, but you very much begin with Lark’s POV. Can you talk about how you went about deciding who would be POV characters and how you came up with the pacing for expanding the perspective-scope of this story?

One of my favorite ways to create tension is to show how different people experience the same event(s). Ashes shows dissolution of a cult from four points of view. Two “privileged” members who are Anointed—one a believer and one a doubter. One member who is a Fellow, a regular layperson. One outsider who has dreamed of having the magic the Anointed claim. Each of these characters experienced life differently before and after the Fellowship’s dissolution and they’re all tied together in deeply personal emotional ways. The pacing really comes down to knowing how to choose each chapter’s POV. And for me, it’s which character will be most effected by an event. For example, Lark performs healing magic on himself in front of Calvin. Though Lark is the one being healed and performing magic, it’s Calvin who’s seeing magic up close for the first time. It’s Calvin who’s wanted magic his whole life and is inches from it. That’s what drives the story forward.

Something you do in both Docile and Ashes that I love is give us a POV character who is an outsider to a world the reader will most likely recognize and then offer Nacirema-esque observation from that protagonist-outsider. Is this something you do intentionally? Why are you interested in telling stories in this way?

I had not heard of Nacirema until this question, but I love this observation! For anyone else hearing this for the first time, a cursory Google tells me that the term Nacirema is “American” spelled backwards and is a term used in sociology and anthropology to show distance while studying people in the United States of America. (I’m not a social scientist—amateur Googler over here!) I use outsider characters in this way because I want readers to see how aspects of their lives mirror the characters’ lives, how our society mirrors these harmful fictional societies. It’s easy to read about a cult and think you would never be drawn in, but that happens to people like you and me—and there are aspects of the U.S. that are cultish but not named in that way. I want people to see how they have been drawn in, how hard it is to unlearn and escape that harm. Because sometimes it looks and feels like magic and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

I love all of the fandom explanation and outsider observation in this book. Why did you want to have a fan character like Calvin as such a central part of this story, and how did you want to depict fandom more generally?

When I think about who would be deeply invested in magic being real, it’s people like me who grew up reading SFF, wishing I’d walk through a portal to another world—even though the stories that took place in them were full of danger. There was magic! I’ve joked with friends that if one of them texted to tell me a real wizard or vampire or werewolf was in their house, I would absolutely drop everything and go to them. I want to see! I want to lift the veil! That’s what Lilian does when her BFF Calvin texts that an Anointed member of the Fellowship is in their hotel room.

But that doesn’t mean Calvin’s motivations are pure and good—nor are they malicious! Like fandom, he’s imperfect. He wants magic and monsters to be real so badly that he’s sometimes willing to hurt others in pursuit of his dreams. Though Calvin doesn’t represent fandom as a whole—what one person could?—I did want to show someone who’s helpful and harmful, family-friendly and sexy, successful and unfulfilled. Complicated, like most of us and our interests are!

A central tension of Ashes is the mystery of if Lark’s magic is real, which creates this experience as a reader of not totally understanding as you’re reading what genre the book itself even is—is it speculative fiction or is it something else? It was a really unique reading experience, and led me to wonder as I was reading if and why I cared about classifying it. What a cool use of the “unreliable” narrator! Can you talk about creating and sustaining this tension/mystery and what you wanted to do with it?

It was difficult! Whether magic appears successful depends on the chapter’s POV character and its place within the arc. Sometimes a spell’s result is instant and sometimes it’s implied. Often faith is the difference. In that way we’re all unreliable narrators—everyone is only telling their own truth as they see it, as they’ve been raised and taught to see it. I wanted to keep readers wondering, not just for the thrill of “is magic real?” but why they’re asking. Who do they believe—who do they want to believe? Does it matter who’s “right”? Why? Read and answer for yourself! Ashes is a fantasy novel… if you want it to be.

Were the in-universe discussion of preferred pronouns always part of this story and the culture of the Fellowship?

Yes. Cults don’t exist because they seem unattractive and survivors often have at least some fond memories. I wanted to create a place that felt somewhat harmonious and fruitful, which included the ability to find and be yourself with full acceptance. Something I wish existed outside of my imaginary cult, as well!

Both Ashes and Docile depict experiences and topics that are very sensitive for many readers—i.e. abuse, rape, and sadomasochism—and that therefore most “mainstream” authors either shy away from completely or depict very superficially. Why are you interested in exploring these themes in your storytelling? What conclusions, if any, are you hoping for readers to come away with in relation to these themes specifically?

Firstly, no authors are required to deal with such heavy topics. I choose to; they’re common experiences and I’m not interested in glossing over them. I want to show how rape and abuse and conditioning affect people both in the moment and long after. And the sadomasochism in Ashes is not a depiction of a healthy S&M experience, but that’s not to imply that S&M is inherently unhealthy—because it absolutely can be! And lots of real people experiment with and engage in various forms of BDSM, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. I’m not writing guidebooks or after-school specials. My goal is not to portray perfect relationships or characters taking all the right steps. It is to show emotional truths. To portray how complicated and messy people are and reality is when it comes to traumatic situations.

It’s interesting to me that you use 25 as the coming-of-age age in this story. Can you talk about why you made that decision?

Ages like eighteen and twenty-one only mean something because we have decided they do. The Fellowship doesn’t operate by our rules, so I chose twenty-five, which felt like a natural milestone as a quarter century. Additionally, I wanted those leaving the Fellowship on their quests to be young adults (not in the publishing category sense) who were old enough to consider themselves competent but not so old that they’d had a lot of time as an adult to reflect on their experiences. A lot is ingrained in children and teenagers and I personally spent a lot of my early twenties both learning more and new information about myself and the world, but also unlearning some of the harmful aspects I’d absorbed from my younger years. It’s a time when many are figuring out their place in the world as independent adults, for the first time, not unlike the Anointed going out on their quests.

Are there things you especially learned in the writing and publishing of Docile that inspired how you wrote and edited this story?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

It was nice to edit a book having already done so once because the mystery was gone—but that didn’t make it any easier! Second books are their own brand of tricky—and I like to try new things with craft, to push myself, which is fun but also stressful. There is a feeling of both familiarity while writing a second book, and also fear that maybe you wrote that first book my accident somehow and will never be able to do it again. Luckily, I have an awesome team at Tordotcom Publishing and they saw me through it, again.

First, Become Ashes is now available to buy wherever books are sold, including via Tor.com.

Note: First, Become Ashes contains explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape.

The post In First Become Ashes, K.M. Szpara Makes Us Wonder if Magic is Real appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3dDRjqT

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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gostaks · 5 years

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yuletide 2019 letter is done!

(I might end up editing before assignments go out, but once they do this letter will be static)

Hello creator! Thank you for writing/creating for me this yuletide :D

My AO3 is gostaks

Brief TOC (Not linky b/c tumblr sucks)

General info

The Arcadia Project

Damar

Earthsea

Emelan

General stuff

DNW:

body horror

porn without plot—porn *with* plot is fine

mind control

canon-atypical child abuse

I'm not up to date in Earthsea! I’m cool with spoilers but I would prefer fic that doesn't require any canon knowledge beyond Tehanu (by publication order). Thanks!

If you’re not sure whether something is a dnw/it’s borderline, you can assume it’s okay. Feel free to contact me via mod but really I’m only concerned about obvious examples.

Likes:

Tone-wise, anything from fluff to darkfic is welcome. I have a soft spot for stories that juxtapose content and tone, or that are very different in tone to their source material!

Backstory or worldbuilding: I love stories about how familiar people or places came to be that way. Anything from distant past to five minutes before the story starts is absolutely welcome

Far future: I also love stories about characters many years later, or about the ways they’ve changed their world. I particularly enjoy stories about characters stepping into the roles of their mentors or being deeply changed by the power they wield.

Little details: What do characters lives look like on a micro scale? Show me powerful characters doing mundane things or the things that feel mundane to them.

alternate universes and timelines, the more out there the better!

Unconventional fanworks and interactive fiction: I love unconventional formats and IF! I would be super happy to receive either. My one caveat is that some days I’m limited in the amount of clicking and typing I can do, so it may take me a little while to actually work through your story if you don’t give me a transcript :D

How to stalk me: this is my tumblr; my ao3 is also gostaks. ‘nuff said.

Specific fandom likes + prompts

If you already have an idea you’re psyched about please write that for me! I wanna see what you think is fun to write :D

The wordcount of each of these sections isn’t balanced, but please don’t take that as an indication that a canon isn’t wanted! I’m super psyched to read fic from any of these fandoms.

The Arcadia Project, Mishell Baker

Where to find it: The Arcadia Project is a three-book series of new adult-ish urban fantasy novels (Borderline, Phantom Pains, and Imposter Syndrome).

If you’re looking for a fifteen-minute fandom, I’d like to formally invite you to read the preview available on goodreads, then write me a fic based on whatever you think the rest of the book might shake out to be. I suspect whatever you come up with will be interesting and possibly hilarious and it would definitely be an awesome gift to receive (tw for preview: suicidal ideation and discussion of suicide, psychiatric institutionalization, sexual assault mentioned briefly)

Likes: I initially came to the Arcadia Project for its depiction of mental illness. I fell in love with the characters, but I would very much be open to an OC-heavy story set in the same universe. I love how willing Baker is to make all of her characters abrasive, and how characters struggle on-screen with being better and kinder and healthier people and don’t always succeed.

Prompts:

People interacting with their echoes! Millie (& or /) Claybriar, Brand and Parisa Naderi, or any of the other echo pairs we’ve seen!

Millie and Claybriar just hanging out? Like going to see a movie or cooking or drawing together or just anything cute and mundane.

Millie trying to do something creative or trying to deal with the fact that she can’t interact with Claybriar the way normal echoes interact.

Related, normal interactions between echoes! What’s it like to go through the process of getting your Echo? What does the paperwork look like? What’s it like to be an up-and-coming film professional and then have someone drop out of the sky and tell you that not only are fairies real but you’ve got one, they’re your soulmate, and it’s very important that you Come Meet Them Right Now?

Caryl! Literally. Anything. Caryl. (And Elliot, who was originally Caryl and is thus lumped in for the sake of I Love Caryl)

Caryl being a kid with the Project, the early years of her learning how to interact with Earth again

Early days Elliot—what was the process of creating his spell like? Is the way he existed at the beginning of the series the way he’s always looked and worked? Or was his current form and behavior the result of a lot of tweaking and experimentation?

Daemon au. Oh, come on, you know I had to ask.

Caryl (& or /) Millie and their dysfunctional relationship, or the ways in which they can grow and change and become better for each other

Caryl’s first meetings or regular interaction with other project members, dinners at Residence 4, recruitment, anything like that

Elliot POV like… at any point. Show me what he’s thinking or feeling, or his mostly-off-screen character development as the rest of the series progresses.

Normal life on the Project. What do agents normally do when things aren’t going to shit?

Blatantly fishing for rep here but I’d love to see a character with tourettes in the Arcadia Project universe, whether that means headcanoning one of our old characters as having TS or introducing an OC. Super duper not required but it would totally make my day :D

Damar, Robin McKinley

Likes: Damar is a super nostalgic canon for me—I read the books for the first time in middle school and a lot of the way I come to these books is like super informed by that. If you give me the tropeyest trope that ever trooped I will love it :D I love the richness of detail in these books, and the way the world feels lived in—there are lots of details that allude to history we don’t see on screen. I’d love to see your take on that backstory and worldbuilding, if that’s something you’re interested in!

Prompts:

There is a vanishingly small possibility that you, writer, are interested in writing a story about orange merchants in Daria. If so, yes? Very yes?

Harry and Aerin interaction, on as epic or not-epic scale as you want. Like, visions? Both summoned through time to fight a massive threat? Going out for coffee together?

Harry/Aerin! I have no idea how you’d make it work but yay fantasy femslash. This is probably a good candidate for an out-there au if you’re feeling that :D

stories about other people who have wielded Gonturan!

Or show events in the books from Gonturan’s perspective. What’s it like to be a sword?

Aerin & Talat!! I love their relationship so much. They’re both so good for each other :D

Talat POV! What does he think of Aerin? How does he feel about fighting dragons and generally being heroic?

Any of Harry or Aerin’s adventures after their books end! They both wield Gonturan and protect their kingdom against magical threats, of course. I’d also love to see Harry as a diplomat, and the work that goes into creating a better relationship with the Homeland through diplomatic channels

Earthsea, Ursula K. LeGuin

Requested Character: Tenar!

Likes: I love how grounded Earthsea is. It tells stories about people, first and foremost. The magic system is epic, and there are so many stories that could be told in this world! As stated above, I’m only up to date as far as Tehanu. I’m fine with spoilers, but I might be totally lost if what you want to write relies on further books.

Prompts:

Tenar (& or /) Ged being domestic!

Ged having to learn how to do farm things over again without magic, and Tenar teaching him

Just… spending time together. Cooking or working or talking or just sharing each other’s warmth.

The aftermath of the end of Tehanu—being controlled like that must be horrible and I doubt they left unscarred. How does that affect them and Tehanu down the line?

AU where Tenar stays as Arha in Atuan. How this works out is up to you :D

Tehanu being a kid or Tehanu being a dragon or, of course, Tehanu being both a kid and a dragon. Cue hijinks.

younger!Tenar in her first few years in Earthsea! What was it like, adjusting? Living in the city?

are there any habits she picked up in the Tombs that are hard to break, or that she’s kept for her entire life?

What’s her reaction to big crowds? Attention? Not having the time and space alone that she’s used to?

Where does Tenar have unexpected gaps in her knowledge? Like, does she know how to cook for one, or only for a whole temple? does learning how to navigate new places while seeing them make it harder?

Tell me more about women’s magic. Could a woman, given motivation, become a wizard? How does this dichotomy interact with a more complex or modern understanding of gender identity?

Emelan, Tamora Pierce

Likes: Wow, real elementary school hours here. I first read the Circle of Magic books when 10 felt really old. The concept of ambient magic is awesome and I love how big and intricate the world always feels. I’d love to see our characters continue to grow and teach, or to see more of the world around the Pebbled Sea or beyond!

Prompts:

Main four

Future fic! What are they doing five years post-Will of the Empress. 10? 50? How have their powers developed?

On the dark side, I’d love to see someone seriously try to get Tris and/or Briar to do war magic for them. Is it possible, with any amount of force or magic, to trap one of the discipline crew at this point? How else might they be compelled or encouraged to do what someone else wants?

Life at Discipline sometime during those four years. Lessons? Adventures? “Ugh Little Bear peed on the floor again, Briar it’s your turn to clean it up!”? I want to see what takes up their time when no one’s life is threatened.

Letters! Epistolary fic! Show me what they thought was important to share with each other while they were out in the world, and what they decided not to tell.

Teachers

Backstory! We know a little bit about what each of their teachers’ lives were like before, but I want to see more. Show me what a day in the life of dancer!Lark or farm girl!Rosethorn was like.

What’s it like to learn magic as an adult? Is it easier or harder to learn how when you already have practical skills and a baseline of control? What’s frustrating? What’s trivial?

How do the teachers interact when the kids aren’t around? I love love love Lark/Rosethorn, but I’d also love to see more interaction between them, Niko, and Frostpine.

Second generation students

any of the students going about their training as young mages—what’s Pasco’s life like now that he’s a Provost mage? Did Niko teach Glaki learned any interesting spells while they were on their way back to Emelan? How’s Keth’s glasswork going?

Students interacting with each other! What does Evvy think of Pasco? What would either of them think of Nia and Jory?

Evvy as a novice! How does that work? How is the way she interacts with Winding Circle and her teachers different from before she decided to become a novice? What about from the way the discipline crew interacted with Winding Circle?

Evvy gets a cat—either pre-Street Magic (I’d love to see more of her life before she met Briar and Rosethorn) or post-Melting Stones with all the complexity there.

You know that scene that was mentioned in Will of the Empress where some subset of {Briar, Evvy, Rosethorn} met with silk weavers and learned about how codes and messages were sent through slubs in the fibers, but then we didn’t see it on screen during Battle Magic? That would be awesome to read.

#shut up alan #realtime #text #dear creator letter

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pipothy · 5 years

Text

A Complex Relationship with Body Confidence

I wanted to talk today about my experience with body confidence and the whirlwind many of you have helped me deal with over the past years.

As a warning, this post contains topics related to and mentioning sexual assault, rape (including details about bodily damage), dangerous levels of weight, mental health including body dysmorphia and a lot of personal stuff about me relating to those topics. If any of that will make you uncomfortable or you’d rather not know about it, this isn’t the post for you!

Body confidence is no strange issue to many gay men. Men are expected to be bulky and gorgeous, or pretty and perfect. This is no doubt something people are generally familiar with, so I won’t ramble about that context. The extra layers of complexity that ensue with the whole bottomshaming thing added on makes it a thorough minefield to navigate for any gay man.

I was very thin throughout my childhood and teens. At 14, I was 4 stone. I’m sure you can do the maths, that’s dangerously thin. As a result, I was very weak. I struggled for a long time with my physical strength and having any stamina, and here is where the issues started.

I felt unattractive, deeply unattractive. I shunned my sexuality because I’d rather not think about how attractive I was. Ignoring the problem made it go away, for now. But unfortunately, this wasn’t always to be. Thankfully, I came out throughout my studies at Sheffield. Less than thankfully, this brought back a barrelling wave of mental health issues and an all time low confidence. All my judgement that I had piled onto myself over my existence previous had hit me in one furious tsunami, drowning me in a need to be appreciated by other gay men.

As my mental health waned, things went from bad to worse. Body Dysmorphia kicked in, where I would see myself as much physically thinner than I was, demeaning my self value. Sex, or sexual appreciation, became a coping mechanism. If I couldn’t be worth anything, the least I could do was allow someone to use my body. As you can no doubt foretell, this attitude doesn’t end well in the long run. If I had pleasant experiences, it briefly filled the black hole that I needed to fill with my own self confidence. If it was a particularly disrespectful experience where they did use me, I was left feeling useful at the time but even more discarded and worthless than before.

I couldn’t process compliments on my looks or aesthetic. I still struggle with that, so please don’t be offended if I seem to Error 404 when you provide a compliment on my looks, it’s taken a long time to reach that. But, I wasn’t equipped with the techniques to deal with this at the time.

Then came a very unfortunate experience. I was raped by coercion, leaving me absolutely grief-stricken. No one tells you how physical an experience the aftermath of such an event is. Crying as quietly as I could as to not wake them up and alert them to anything wrong, relieving large amounts of blood from down there and wondering if I’m ever going to be fine again, my bowels spasming due to the sheer devastation... and that’s only the start. Waking up in the proceeding days, I felt a furious disconnect from my body... like it wasn’t my own. I can’t explain it. It felt detached, in the same way that you can’t tickle yourself because it’s your body. But suddenly, it’s not your body... and it’s no laughing matter.

Regardless, the point of saying all this is to provide some context on my issues... not to speak about the intricacies of rape and how real all the stories about the aftermath are. Over my next few years, I’ve developed much better sexual confidence, much better assertion over my worth and really come out of my shell. But some things still ring, and it’s always when I’m around men who I consider prototypically attractive, but in particularly ones who put a lot of effort to look as masculine as possible. They feel threatening, because I allowed them to and I lived off them threatening my rights for their own gains.

I am slowly learning that I am an attractive man. Even those words are hard to write. I furiously want to go back and change them, but it just conflicts with everything I’ve ever told myself. But even then, even if I am not... it doesn’t matter, because to the right people I am brilliant and beautiful. There’s no shame in not being someone’s cuppa tea.

A long story short, I felt I needed ways for people to love or appreciate me because I was simply not worth loving. My childhood was quite barren in that respect, and troubling. Being physically fit or a gay people could idolise for such was just one of many straw men, on top of being a top academic performer, never losing and always having the means to impress people. I wanted to be loved and appreciated, and that’s the way I’d learned. Be useful to other people. But, no more. I am worth more than their use. My fundamental right to be cared for and loved is not to be sold short on me being useful. That was when I had the key I needed, which was self love. Allowing myself to be compassionate to myself for this barren upbringing unveiled my eyes to what you actually all love about me. I’ve learned I harboured some harrowing thoughts about myself, this included. I’ve spent so much time fighting these, so I could stand beautifully without being a tool of use to other people.

But for now, compliments are hard as I resist. Being around physically fit or masculine guys who I put “out of my league” is intimidating and anxiety inducing. Being hit on always comes with the scare of how they might use or abuse me. Sex is still a mixed back of a wonderful indulgence but something I need to be careful with given its emotional context in my life.

But I have come such a long way, and I am prouder of myself than you’ll ever know. I no longer put myself beneath them, I learned I stand tall in my own brilliant right.

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