#ive been home for a few hours just hanging out for easter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

husbandhoshi · 14 days

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me booping you as a monthly checkup (which is smth im doing frm today onwards) :D

HOWS LIFE LILY???? HOWS SCHOOL???? WHICH YEAR OF MED ARE YOU IN NOW???? - okay too many caps locks, anyways-

idk if you celebrate but how was good friday and easter? did you have fun? how was your weekend? have you been busy at the hospital a lot? HAVE YOU DRUNK WATER TODAY POOKIE 👹👹

any gossip around you we (or i) should know about? dame im starting my 3rd year in a bit and im STRESSED. med school is tough man 😭😭

ive been so fucking busy, i didnt even know there was a follow to incheon the past weekend 😭

OH AND OMG I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS

remember the two girls and their boyfriends (from my uni) i told you about some time ago? the one where the boyfriends grab hold of the other girl instead of their girlfriends? IT HAS FUCKING ESCALATED

apparantly - im renaming them as olivia (ex boyfriend justin) and jane (ex boyfriend mathew) - olivia and justin were "engaged" since they were younger?? its like a tradition of sorts in their caste to betroth the girl to someone once they start menstruating. so like olivia got betrothed to justin when she was like 14? i think. justin did like olivia A LOT like he was booktok smitten in love with her. and then like when the two of them started university with like a bunch of other people, justin met jane in his freshman orientation. they sat beside each other and they hit off.

jane met mathew in one of her classes and it seemed like she shared multiple of her classes with mathew so they kept on talking and then eventually got into a relationship. and then mathew saw olivia in the garden once and found her "pretty" and started making conversations with her (mind you mathew was already well into the relationship with jane) and so they started conversing and now olivia starts gaining feelings for the guy and becomes confused because "how can i have feelings for two people at once?" so this went on for like a good year. olivia and justin being in a relationship with jane and mathew are in a relationship. all while jane and justin were hanging around each other a lot and olivia would still be very fucking confused about her feelings because of the CONSTANT FLIRTING from mathew.

and then second term of sophomore started (post winter break), sophomores were planning to get drunk somewhere and olivia didnt want to go. shes not really big on alcohol and parties. jane, justin and mathew went (all of them went separately). fast forward to i think a few hours later, all three of them are piss drunk and someone spikes their drinks. jane and justin go to one of the private rooms to have sex and mathew continues getting piss drunk. drunk mathew misses olivia so he goes to her dorm, she lets him in, he has a bit of water, they have sex.

i dont think i mentioned something.

olivia doesnt know mathew is in a relationship with someone.

mathew doesnt know olivia is in a relationship with someone.

jane doesnt know justin is in a relationship with someone.

justin doesnt know jane is in a relationship with someone.

olivia is entirely SOBER when she lets mathew have sex with her.

this going behind each others back goes on for months until the fist fight thingy that happened.

and then, olivia and justin go home from uni on a break and yk how word spreads FAST right? their parents already knew about their infidelity before they even reached home. the engagement is called off. olivia is transferring to another uni in a different continent entirely. justin still goes to my uni. about jane and mathew? no one knows where they vanished actually. like they're no where to be found after the fist fight fiasco.

thenkiu for reading my tedtalk lily 🤓

~ rai 😘

RAIIIIII hello babe i am so sorry i took forever to answer this 😭😭😭😭 i had to dig in and pull out my actual computer to dissect this TEA…

im good!!! im starting my third year at the end of the month :) just waiting for the results of my big test to come in bc that will determine whether or not i get to start 😬 we’ve been studying for this exam for quite some time so no gossip or hospital stories to share :(( literally my life has been waking up studying and then going to sleep. but i just came back from a trip to nyc which was super fun !

and yes i did celebrate easter w my family!!! we did a seafood boil which was SOO good! what did you do?

ok ok after reading the drama update i am SEATED. first i know there r cultural reasons for getting betrothed / engaged etc so early but i think this is just confirmation that No One was ready 😭😭 honestly it breaks my heart bc it sounds like there were really Real feelings involved in all of this but the fact that no one could keep their hands to themselves 😬 Telling! plus the like 0 communication KILLS ME!!! please don’t stay together then!!!! also i’m side eyeing mathew bc he sounds selfish and from what i understand initiated a lot of the drama???? idk but transferring schools and disappearing is CRAZY too…… sheesh

i had a similar situation happen to my friends in high school where friend A had been on/off dating boy A for years and years (on/off bc her parents didn’t approve). her best friend B had been crushing on boy B for years but didn’t move in on it bc she was scared he didn’t reciprocate. so friend A and boy A are on a break and allegedly friend A invites boy B to her place and they sleep together. friend B finds out and to retaliate sleeps with boy A at her bday party. then they both mutually blocked each other after not saying a WORD abt it to each other & just hearing ab things thru word of mouth. crazy how people can just turn on each other like that

drama ASIDE. how are you?? i know you’re busy but is it a good busy??? i hope you have time to enjoy urself!!

#it’s so wild bc it seems so common for ppl to demonize cheating but i feel like it happens soooo often #ask #mutuals #rai #also pls u are so cute please keep the monthly updates up!!!

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omenthenarrator · 5 years

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Prompts That Inspired No Sleep Club

If you tell me a few of your favorites, I’ll try to write out a snippet or even a full short story about that prompt!

A girl goes missing in the woods and the search party only finds a decrepit porcelain doll that looks oddly similar to her. The parents start treating the doll like their daughter, slowly losing their sanity.

New residents move into the neighborhood and get invited by their neighbors for dinner. After an hour of horror they finally escape the house only to find it an abandoned decrepit building in shambles. No one has lived there for 15 years since the last family died of unknown causes.

A family dog runs away from home. He returns a year later to the familys delight. However, theres something different about him. Something demonic.

A man reads a novel, soon realizing that the story is his very own–and according to the book, a killer is lurking.

Serial killers world wide have been sent a link that connects them all to an anonymous chat room. A teenager somehow is sent the link by mistake. Soon after receiving a warning of everyones coming demise, he noticed people vanishing from the chat room one by one–and hes the next on the kill list.

A woman who is afraid of clowns wakes up from her normal life to one in which she worked at the freak show. However, instead of working a normal job, she’s the main attraction and the audience she is performing for are the very things she fears.

A young brother and sister find an old door in their basement that had never been there before.

One day, as the townsfolk begin to wake up, it is discovered that strange winged creatures can be seen within the gathering storm clouds above. Over the years, the phenomenon becomes a normal sight during stormy days.

A man wakes up in the streets to find a hobo clown staring down at him with a long face.

A mad scientist performs the first head transplant on his sick and dying daughter (4 yrs old) when things go horribly wrong. (Pigs head?)

A girl is scrolling through her photo gallery only to find several pictures she hadn’t taken. One by one, all the towns residents find the same photos in their galleries. The pictures turned out to be a warning for the whole town of the coming earthquake.

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: A scarewalk in the woods during a Halloween festival turns out to be real. And all the walkers have to survive multiple horror movie scenarios to get to the end of the walk alive.

A bartender serves last calls to the only remaining patron, a man who calls himself Lucifer.

Something/someone has turned all the neighborhood pets into demonic killers.

A woman wakes up with her eyes and mouth sewn shut and no memory of who she was before.

A couple has a young son who is a total angel in public. However, once they are home alone he becomes something right out of their nightmares.

A woman wakes up in an abandoned maze-like sewer system. As she attempts to escape, the water begins to rise. But drowning is the last of her worries… Somethin lurks within the depths.

A robber steals from the small town museum only to discover the apparent riches belonged to a covent of witches.

Kidnappers abduct a child only to find out she was more than they bargained for. She was found playing on the swingset the next day, no sign of the kidnappers in sight.

A homeless man is stalked by faceless creatures who crawled on all fours. Hes the town drunk so no one believes him until he turns up dead face down in the snow.

A group of friends wake up disoriented in the old abandoned mansion to find it has been turned into a chamber of horrors. Only one of them will survive, so says the note left with them.

A woman of high social standings becomes the gossip of the town when she is sent away to an asylum for raving about the writing on her wall. However, when her husband suffera the same fate, people start thinking she wasn’t as crazy as she seemed.

A boy on a farm makes scare crows to protect the crops. Only problem is, they tend to come alive. (This one might be too goosebumps but I Can try to write it different if it sounds interesting enough)

EASTER SPECIAL: A figure dressed in an old dirty Easter Bunny suit haunts the children of the town.

Something ancient rises out of an old pond.

An artificial intelligence begins to communicate with a family online, only to terrorize them through their tech. Anytime they try to seek help, all traces of the AI vanish completely. (Maybe make this about one person instead of a whole family?)

A family buys a cheap house only to find an unmarked grave in the back yard while remodeling. (It looks like it belonged to an infant child)

A boy is born with an identical twin. The older they get the more evil the twin becomes.

A cult that worships history’s deadliest serial killers begins to kill by copying their methods. A girl and her mother see this on the local news. The girl later discovers her mother is a member and shes the next victim.

A winter snow storm traps a group of thrill seekers in an abandoned asylum.

A little girl comes down the stairs and asks her parents, “Can you hear it breathing? I can.”

Children find a deep dark well and an old ladder that leads down into it.

A teen (?) Finds a crayon drawing of a strange family on the wall–its inscribed with the words, “We live in your walls.” (Its either a teen who blames his 3 year old brother before realizing he can’t write or a young child who tells his parents about the ‘wall people’.

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: A woman is watching a scary movie alone on Halloween night… But someone keeps knocking at her door. However, when she opens it, no one is ever there…

A famer and his son begin to hear childrens laughter coming from their fields at night–no child is in sight though.

A childs imaginary friend in not actually imaginary. (Possibly use one of the creatures I had made for the original No Sleep Club… Like Scratcher?)

A girl hears movement in her walls and rooms, but she is the only one home.

An old lady is sitting in her house knitting when a whisper interrupts the silence. “Be quiet. They WILL hear you,” it says

A man hiking through the woods when he came across a crumbling staircase that leads upward. However, there is no sign of the rest of the ruins anywhere.

A child walks down the stairs and stop in front of their babysitter. An eerie grin tugs at the child’s lips as they say “We’ll go to war with a smile on our faces.”

The old rotary dial phone started ringing loudly, but when answered, the caller hangs up. When the girl set the phone down, she remembered that her parents had disconnected it a week ago due to some prank calls that had been happening for months.

“There used to be six of us… Now I’m alone.”

He followed the young lady as she led him into a long forgotten room, only to find her gone. There was no way out except the narrow hall they’d just come from.

Someone kept sending her encoded messages. Every time she decoded them, each revealed a secret worse than the last. (The secrets are about her and she grows more paranoid each day until she calls the police for harassment. Once they read all the messages, she practically confesses. Each message is sent from various victims numbers, which had been deactivated.)

Theres an urban legend thats been circulating for years about a taxi cab that doesn’t take you where you want to go but where you need to go. One night a tired yound man steps into this cab.

A boy is sitting on his couch when one of his friends barges into the living room and says, “whatever happens, who ever comes knocking, ive been here for at least an hour.”

Every night he hears the sound of a train… But the railroad closed down years ago.

A reclusive grandmother dies. The grand daughter-who feels guilty for not visiting her-has to go through her things and finds her grandmother was not all she seemed to be.

Having vanished into the forest seven years ago, she emerged looking like she hadnt even left. Everything was the same, she hadn’t even aged, but something seemed a bit… Off.

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: The frozen pond in the forest cracked open. Ice skaters we disheartened by this, and curious as to how it happened–then they noticed the trail of footprints leading out of the pand and into the woods.

A fair has come to town with a strange funhouse. Inside, past the normal mirror maze, there’s a room that has one lone mirror that shows the viewer the last thing they’ll see before they die. (Alternatively: after viewers exit the room, something about their features is a bit off and they act very different then before.)

Funhouse Mirror: Alternatively, it could be both. The last thing they see before they die is why “they” start acting differently.

A grandfather tells his grandson that when a person leaves a graveyard a different way than they entered, spirits will leave with them. The boy decides to test this theory.

A man soon realizes that the fence around the orphanage is to keep the public safe–not the other way around.

One day the townsfolk wake up with their deadly sin tattooed to their left hand. (pride, lust, gluttony, envy, sloth, wrath, greed) This pits the townsfolk against one another as they discover that their heavenly virtue is tattooed to their right.

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queenlayla · 3 years

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An overview of the situation. Easter started off just like any other. I had purchased an Easter lily plant for my parents and planned on giving it to them that afternoon. On our way out the door I noticed that Layla, my 10 year old 13 lb domestic shorthair, was chewing on one of the leaves. Upon further inspection I saw 2-3 leaves had been nibbled on in total. I called the local emergency vet (VEG) and they told me it was an absolute emergency and had to bring her in right away for an aggressive treatment. Due to COVID restrictions I had to hand Layla off to someone and was unable to go inside with her. Layla is an aggressive cat when she smells other cats and was very hard to handle. They called me on the phone and told me they would induce vomiting, do blood work and give her iv fluids for 24-48 hours depending upon another blood work check in 24 hours. Her first update came back great. She vomited little to no indication of any leaf consumption and her initial blood work came back completely normal. They made me aware of how feisty and unhappy she was to be there and she would be ready to be picked up around 5pm the next day. The next phone call I received from VEG was to inform me that Layla had gone into cardiac arrest and they had done CPR for 5 minutes and asked if I would like them to continue? I told them to do whatever possible to save her no matter what it would cost. She called me back a few minutes later and told me they were able to revive her after another 2 minutes of CPR. When I arrived at VEG Layla looked terrible. She had urinated all over herself and was completely out of it. Her tongue was hanging out of her mouth and you could tell she had been through serious trauma. They transferred her to an oxygen and temperature controlled room. I stayed with her for most of the time she was there except a few hours here and there that I would go home to sleep and walk the dog. Layla was in the oxygen room for about 48 hours. She progressed each time I came back to visit and definitely knew I was there with her. She would growl if any tech went to touch her but never at me. I can say nothing but nice things about how the techs and the doctors treated me. The offered me water and had a great set up for me so I could sit right next to Layla. However… the first night I was there it was chaos. There is no other way to describe it. The hospital had to call in an additional 4 staff members in order to help. I heard the techs tell eachother it was as if there was a full moon out that night. I was told they had a total of 50 cases that day and 3 of them went into cardiac arrest and had to be revived through CPR. At one point a cat came in and was inside a plastic see through container. The tech put a towel over him and attached a gas tube to the container. She said she would be back in 5 minutes to check if the cat was asleep yet or not. 15-20 minutes later she remembers to check on the cat and sees that he is still not asleep. So she twists a knob and changes a tube over on the machine and walks away to other patients and does not check on the cat for another 20 or so minutes. I could not help but wonder if some sort of mishap like that could have happened to Layla. Was she so aggressive that they left her under gas for too long? Was she so stressed out from how they were handling her that the gas was then too much? She also received iv anesthesia 24 hours prior to receiving the gas so was this all just too much for her system? When I asked one of the doctors if it were possible she just had a bad reaction to the gas and she told me it was so rare for that to happen but maybe she also had a reaction to the propofol. The tech that was with her was next to us at the time and said “ oh no I don’t think she got any propofol because the iv blew”. In my option this treatment was far too aggressive for the evidence they found of lily plant ingestion. I am at such a loss and feel so much guilt for not protecting her more. For not knowing the things I should have known beforehand. Her whole life has changed and mine with it. I know it will take time and for now I am just so grateful that she is home.

#cat emergency vet prayforlayla laylasjourney

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travelguideworldtour-blog · 5 years

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Prague Travel Guide – Tips for Visiting Prague

Prague Travel Guide

Prague, Czech Praha, city, capital of This Czech Republic. Lying at the core of Europe, it’s but one of the nation’s finest cities and the significant Czech economic and cultural center. The town has a rich cultural heritage that reflects both the uncertain currents of history at Bohemiaand an urban life extending back over 1000 decades ago.

12 Best Things to Do in Prague

See the Treasures of St Vitus Cathedral

Located from the Mala Strana at the Center of Town, the Infant Jesus of Prague (also Called the Child of Prague) is a Roman Catholic Tale of Jesus Christ as a Baby. Regular countless people pay a call to the shrine to pray, bow and also create fantasies expecting they should become a reality. The statue itself is circulated in a elaborate gilded shrine and though the foundation of this figure is not known, it’s been dated back to the 16th Century.

Watch the Astronomical Clock Strike an Hour

Whilst at the Old Town Square, time your trip to the Old Town Hall so you can see the scene of this mechanical clock constituting the turnaround of one hour. The clock itself is located on the south face of this town hall and also would be still now the pride of Prague. It was developed from the fifteenth century and never being damaged and adjusted throughout its life, it’s widely thought of as the finest preserved medieval mechanical clock on the planet. The series near the peak of the hour fails to overlook the various on lookers.

Spot a Seven Foot Tall Sigmund Freud

Walk Throughout the Metropolitan Metropolitan Section of Stare Mesto over the Old Town of Prague and Visit the Skies. You’re going to undoubtedly likely probably be surprised to come across a seven foot tall palaces of the planet famous psycho analyst Sigmund Freud hanging out of a metallic column over the cobbled streets in your own feet. The odd artwork has shown so popular it is often shown in cities all around the planet including Chicago, London and Berlin. Usually mistaken for a suicide attemptthe statue has already been in charge of all calls to the emergency services because of its invention.

See the Infant Jesus of Prague

Stroll across the Charles Bridge

Whoever stated that”the most effective things in life are free” might happen to be speaking to the Charles Bridge at Prague. A easy walk round the 14th-century bridge is just one of the very memorable and enjoyable adventures of seeing Prague. The bridge has been commissioned at 1357 by Charles IV to displace an old bridge which was washed off by flooding. Even though completed in 1390, with the dramatic statues included from the 17th centurythe bridge failed to simply take Charles’ name before 19thcentury.

Explore the Old Town Square

Despite Prague’s energetic background of invasions, the Old Town Square has stayed relatively untouched as the 10th Century. Swarms of tourists audience the streets, packaging out the al fresco restaurants regular. The square itself may be your right spot to admire the superb architecture Prague offers and when that’s not something the various street actors, artists and retailers which line the roads will undoubtedly keep you amused.

Learn about Communism

Europe is a continent full of history and political chaos and the Czech Republic will not buck this trend. The united states was a communist state from 1948 before Velvet revolution of 1989. Under the principle, significantly a lot more than 200,000 Czechs were detained and 327 shot dead because they attempted to flee the nation. In the communism museum you may see movies, films and also sculptures recording the state-sponsored offenses which happened under communist rule.

Walk the backstreets of Mala Strana

Over the river from the Old Town would be the baroque back-streets of Mala Strana (the Lesser quarter), assembled from the 17th and 18th century by sparking Catholic clerics and noblemen on the bases of the Lebanese inaugural Renaissance palaces. In its core is that the baroque square that provides small shops to navigate, conventional Czech bars and restaurants along with some wonderful views of the lake.

Visit Prague Castle

Located in Hradcany (the Castle district), Prague Castle is certainly the town’s hottest tourist attraction and it’s simple to see . The magnificent castle has traditionally been the seat of Czech rulers and is now the official house of their president. Entrance into the grounds of the castle are all liberated but lots of buildings like the St Vitus cathedral, Basillica of both St George and Golden Lane could be seen with a joint entrance ticket.

Watch Skateboarders at the Letna Park

This playground, that was home to a huge statue of Stalin before it had been destroyed at the 60’s, is now a favorite meeting spot for skateboarders. The playground can be found on the steep lake embankment of Letna Hill. Sit and relax at a few of the various beer gardens while peoplewatching of course, in the event the skateboarders don’t amuse, the city-scape will not.

Admire the Lennon Wall

Although Prague has been a ways out of Liverpool, the birthplace of the Beatles, buffs should check out this shrine to a few of the very renowned groups of them all. The wall was covered in John Lennon and The Beatles paintings, lyrics and quotes as the 1980s and is remarkably popular with young and tourists fans needing to pay homage to this category.

Climb 299 Steps to Petrin Hill

Petrin can be a mountain in the left bank of the Vltava River, it includes amazing views of the town and can be among the greenest spaces in Prague. It’s a nice walk into the surface of the mountain and you can find lots of chairs to break your legs whilst enjoying the opinion onto the road upward. As an alternative, you could ride the funicular rail in the lower quarter all of the way into the very top of Petrin Hill. At the summit, You Will Discover a mini Model of the Eiffel Tower, landscaped gardens as well as the Church of St Michael, also a wooden construction jumped from Ukraine

Traveling Around Prague

Prague is a really walkable city therefore there’s just a fantastic chance you’ll just utilize public transport a small number of times. Prague has an excellent network of trams, buses, and subways. They truly are all cheap but make sure you always affirm your ticket because plain clothes authorities do assess passengers’ tickets regularly. All types of public transportation utilize precisely exactly the exact same ticket.

30-minute ticket: $1 90-minute ticket: $1.35 24-hour pass: $4.65 3-day pass (72 hours): $13.20 Ticket (via Bus + Subway) Between Airport and City: $2.76 Taxi to Airport: $22+

When to Go Prague

Beautiful yearlong, Prague is best within the Christmas and Easter holidays and through the summertime. Once fall arrives that the trees have been decked out with stone and vivid red leaves, and also Czechs go to the forests seeking mushrooms (picking barrels is a timehonored quest here).

In the winter, audience sizes and hotel costs drop together with the temperature. You are going to find an opportunity to observe the photogenic funding caked in snow– even the draw back is that a few museums and castles (particularly people out town) do close to this growing summer season.

January and February usually attract the very ideal ski to Bohemian slopes, and also locating an area at local ski hotels can be hard. If you aren’t a skier, consider seeing the hills in late spring (April or May) or in autumn, once the countryside is ablaze with vibrant colours and also you also have restaurants and resorts just about on your own.

8 Must Try Foods in Prague, Czech Republic

Trdelník

A classic Slovak wrapped noodle from the Hungarian-speaking region of Transylvania, the trdelník is traditionally served topped with a loaf of nuts, sugar or cinnamon. This yummy treat is produced from wrap the pastry dough round a metal rod, roasting it on a open fire and coated with sugar or cinnamon. Watching this particular pastry currently getting prepared is just actually really a fun sight. An ordinary Prague StreetFood, it is possible to readily locate stalls selling this deal across roads and open squares anyplace. It’s the best treat to relish throughout a cold winter afternoon!

Grilované Klobásy

Want a fast and satisfying meal to eat on the move? Sink your teeth right in to a portion of grilované klobásy, which is made up of grilled sausages tucked into a roll and then served with various yummy sauces. You may readily find stalls selling this thing from Wenceslas Square and the area of Old Town Square.

Vepřo-knedlo-zelo

Roast sausage, pork dumplings, and walnut cabbage are all things which constitute this large dish. Most Czech dishes are generally heavy on beef and dumplings, however, also the vepřo-knedlo-zelo is a nutrient-balanced alternative providing a wholesome quantity of fiber.

Palačinky

If folks consider the best way to eat in Prague, that is more often than not in addition to the list. These lean Czech pancakes seem like French crepes however are willing with another cooking method as well as batter. An average of wrapped upward and functioned with fillings like jam, fresh fruit, nuts or cream, it’s an perfect cure for people that have a sweet tooth. If salty snacks are everything you would like, elect for stuffings of beef, spinach and cheese togo for your own pancake. This beautiful snack are available readily in cafes across the city centre, in addition to in food carts round the metropolis. Holiday manufacturers traversing through Prague through the joyous intervals may even locate the palačinky sold in the Christmas markets.

Knedlíky

A conventional side-dish from Southern cuisine, both the knedlíky have been dumplings served combined side a beef dish along with alternative oft-eaten mains, like gulás. This versatile dish functions well as being a dessert once prepared with candy fillings like jam or fruit.

Chlebíčky

A flexible cure that the chlebíčky is a open-faced sandwich which can be eaten for lunch and breakfast, because it makes for a fast and satisfying meal. An staple in Southern cuisine, this sandwich is most often functioned throughout parties and social parties and include an assortment of toppings like ham, egg, salami, pickles, and pineapple. If you’re in the mood for sandwiches on your journeys, drop by a few of many deli shops in Prague to get a taste with the delicacy.

Smažený Sýr

An serving of smažený sýra dish of noodle cheese served with chips, a bread roll, can send you into cheese heaven. Inspired by street vendors around Prague, vacation manufacturers with an urge for something salty, cheesy and crispy may readily locate this particular cure.

Guláš

This dish might possibly have been originated from Hungary, however it’s been adapted to be staple food thing at Czech cuisine. Unlike the goulash, the guláš is prepared with vegetables and comprises greater portions of beef. Steak is usually used, and poultry or pork are some times employed as other ingredients to prepare the dish. The beef is garnished, topped by a generous part of sausage and served along bread dumplings — a significant deal which may suit beef fans!

Prague Travel Guide – Tips for Visiting Prague

#Best Places Prague #Best Things to do Prague #Prague best places #Prague Tips #Prague Travel #Prague Travel Guide

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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We’re very close. We couldn’t not be: the secret to a friendly divorce

This month sees a spike in couples filing for divorce, many of them vowing to stay friends. But is it really possible or worth the pain?

A few weeks ago, a man came to stay at my house and he and I made so much noise at 1am that we feared we might wake the children. The next morning at breakfast, we had to explain ourselves and apologise.

The man was my ex-husband, and he was telling me an anecdote in the early hours that had us both in fits of laughter. We separated in January 2009, and divorced a year later. He has since remarried, and lives in another city, but often comes to visit our three teenage sons. We have spent several Christmases, Easters and birthdays together.

If liking and being nice to your former partner is the essence of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martins conscious uncoupling, it could be said that my ex-husband and I are living that dream. In the three years since they announced their much-ridiculed approach to family life and relations post-marriage, the idea of the friendly divorce has become increasingly mainstream. As Helena Bonham Carter said of Tim Burton, her former husband of 13 years, I think well have something very precious still. Actor Kate Beckinsale is so friendly with her ex Michael Sheen (the father of their daughter) that shes often seen hanging out with him and his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman.

And then theres the rise of the divorce selfie, taken outside the courtroom, showing smug ex-marrieds beaming away together in the spirit of a bright future ahead of them (with a caption such as We smile not because its over but because it happened). January traditionally sees a spike in calls to family lawyers from couples wishing to uncouple. The first question for many is: can you really have a happy split?

Divorce coach Carol Sullivan thinks so. She runs Divorce Negotiator, which operates throughout England and Wales. Unlike solicitors who represent the separate parties, Sullivan assists both husband and wife and, to stop the escalation, maintains transparency between them. She claims to save a typical couple 80% of the cost of going to a solicitor, and 50% of their time. So far, she has helped more than 1,000 couples, many of whom apologise to each other and go out for drinks despite their decree nisi.

People are doing divorce differently that is, better, Sullivan says. They are more aware that the only winners are the lawyers, and bitterness and vengeance dont get anybody anywhere.

Of course, most people would say theyd like to divorce well, at least in theory, usually for the sake of any children involved. But, in practice, anger and hurt usually muddy the waters.

I am insufferably smug about what my ex-husband and I have managed to pull off, but I wont pretend it was instant. The parting of the ways was painful beyond anything I had ever experienced, but we managed to sort out our financial affairs and living arrangements ourselves. A lawyer friend kindly did the essential paperwork for both of us. We never went to court, and our whole divorce cost 90. Eight years have since passed, and time has done its cliched but excellent bit in terms of healing. Rancour has been and gone, leaving all the things we liked about each other in the first place: enjoyment of each others company, great communication, affection and respect. Plus all the things we have together accumulated over the years, namely three great boys, an important shared history and the recognition that prolonged bitterness eats away at people and benefits nobody.

Its difficult, but this approach is becoming more common. I have a friend whose husband went off with another woman. After her shock and anger subsided, she had him to stay with his new girlfriend several times, and even took coffee up to them in the morning. (Talk about forgiveness.) It was nice for the kids to see I was accepting of her with him, she tells me. I liked him. I liked her. She says she didnt indulge in any power play, at least not consciously.

The prevailing view is that good relations benefit the children, if you have them. Phyllis Maguire-Harrington, 33, is a carer and nursery manager. She sees many families who arent amicable, which has only compounded her belief that friendly divorce is vital even when she found out, three years into their marriage, that her husband had been unfaithful.

It hurt massively, she says now, but our daughter is my world. Even though I ended the marriage there and then, and never once wavered, I always spoke to him and let him see her. My daughter deserves both parents.

There was no court case. The same lawyer represented them both. It was all their own terms; he just did the paperwork. Her ex-husband has exactly the same parental rights as she does.

The couple, both from Wokingham, met at a bowling alley in their early 20s. Kieran Harrington, 35, remembers that she started dancing and I thought, wow! He found her generous, with a lot of time for others. Phyllis says she is very energetic, while Kieran was very chilled and happy to go along with anything she threw at him. They married in 2008 and separated in 2011, when their daughter was a year old.

To be brutally honest, I cheated on her, Kieran says. Its one of those things I cant explain. It was nothing she ever did or didnt do. When she found out, she went ballistic. Id never seen her like that. I deserved it. I tried to get her back, but eventually knew it was hopeless.

It was complicated, Phyllis says, because in September 2007 he had a brain haemorrhage and that altered him. Kieran says that, although he doesnt remember being tempted before the brain haemorrhage, it is nonetheless too easy an excuse. Either way, he says, the two flings with colleagues were a huge mistake. Initially, he says, there was some nastiness from Phyllis, but then it went away.

For a long time I wanted him to be my Kieran, Phyllis says, but he had changed. After the brain haemorrhage, I became more like a carer. I knew he was no longer fully in control of himself, and a psychologist told us he was never going to change. I had a baby and couldnt live like that any more, the suspicious wife.

The divorce came through in December 2014 and Kieran, a prison custody officer, now lives with his father and sister. He and Phyllis still see each other most days, and go on holiday together. They took Erin, now five, to Disneyland Paris for new year and glamping in Cornwall. Neither has another partner.

I did for a while, Phyllis says, and he and Kieran accepted each other, but he wanted to get married and I didnt. I think Kieran put me off for life, she laughs.

These days, Kieran confides in Phyllis about dates and she gives him advice. He admits hed like to get back together with her, but knows thats never going to happen; he also knows that it could all have been very different had Phyllis not been so forgiving. I could have lost a lot more, he says. As it is, the friendship we have having a laugh, watching movies together, sharing a bottle of wine when the little one is asleep is the best I can hope for, given Id still like to be married to her. Ill be a little bit jealous when shes with someone else, but I messed up, so I havent a leg to stand on. Im grateful Ive got this much and know we will be friends for life.

Phyllis agrees: Were very close. We couldnt not be, after all weve been through. But the divorce was the right decision. Would I get back with him? Never. Hes not the man I fell in love with.

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Specialist family lawyer Peter Martin has been practising at London firm OGR Stock Denton for 40 years, and has worked with thousands of couples. In his experience, roughly 25-30% of couples are able to be friends afterwards, and its not always to protect the children. In some ways, it is easier for couples without children to stay friends, Martin says. Once the finances are sorted out, they are able to get on with their lives. They can become friends again, because they no longer have any pressures on them.

On the other hand, Martin says, couples without children have less reason to stay in touch. Those with children have to continue to communicate, and they are more likely, because of that, to rebuild a friendship. A forced friendship, because of having children, often develops in time into the real thing. Its the sort of thing I see a lot Im thinking of the first dance of a divorced couple as parents at their childs wedding.

Barry Rutter, 69, an actor, is founder and artistic director of Northern Broadsides, a touring company. He credits his ex-wife, Carol, 65, a professor of Shakespeare and performance studies at the University of Warwick, with their excellent relationship after nearly 20 years of marriage and 20 years of divorce. She credits him with not forcing her and their girls out of their home. You can be vengeful and angry and selfish and do all that stuff, Carol says. All those ugly emotions you can keep up for years, but thats just destructive.

The couple met while Barry was on tour in America in 1976. She, with her Californian chutzpah, came backstage to congratulate me, he says.

He had the tight curls of a Raphael angel and a boxers nose, she says. He was bolshie, challenging: a Yorkshireman. Everything around him was different and new.

She moved to England a year later, and they soon married. Their shared passion meant they always had things to talk about. Briony was born in 1982; their son, Harry, two years later, but he died from cot death aged just 98 days. Barrys support in the aftermath made Carol feel an overwhelming sense that our marriage could survive; how amazing it was that he could love me that much.

When he set up his own company, Barry was working so hard, Carol says, I think he started kind of shifting. Rowan, their younger daughter, was four. Carol had a full-time job at the university and Barry came home wanting shiny faces. There was a gap. It was, Barry says, a build-up of events, which I took to be a diminution between us. And my own restlessness. The cliche: the grass is always greener. The official divorce says adultery, but it is never as simple as that. I didnt fall in love, but I was distracted.

Barry says it was raw. I remember we met in the garden shed and she asked what I wanted, and I said all of my freedom to roam, and yet the home and family. It was a stupid, macho, dumb attitude to have. It was my folly. You make choices, and choices can bite.

How did I come back from that? Carol says. I went to see a divorce person who said dont fight, its not worth it; work it out between you. I was able to keep the man separate from the actor and, little by little, the birth of our three children, the death of our son, those things you shared, count. They represent the real core values of you two as people, as against the accidents of making bad decisions.

Barry says it was entirely Carols leading that set them on the footing they are on today. Its got to be about the future: I remember her saying that. I myself didnt have it in me to come up with anything like that. Its a testament to her. Id hope she is my best friend. Shes kept the name [Rutter]. Ive always been rather pleased about that.

These days, their daughters are both married, and they still see each other at least once a month and speak often. Carol goes to watch her ex-husband perform. She says he is perhaps better at expressing his emotions on stage, but he always made her laugh off it, and always will.

Tara Saglio has been a couples and individual psychotherapist for two decades. She believes that most divorced couples have to experience a period of proper separation before they can actively be friends again. As a generalisation, I think it takes five years for people to settle post-divorce, she says. It helps if both parties have reached a point where they can feel equally content, instead of one being miserable and the other blissfully loved-up with a new partner or even of one being blissfully alone and the other in a less than ideal rebound relationship. The chance of friendship depends on the emotional maturity of both parties. In my experience, Saglio adds, it is usually the couples for whom the passion has dwindled or gone, and who dont feel so betrayed or rejected, who can be friends. Sexual rejection or broken trust can skewer things.

Facebook, Instagram and so on can make it harder for couples to move on. Of course, social media always presents a happy if not idealised picture of everyones lives, Saglio says. It is hard to separate fully while having ones nose rubbed in the exs new life. On the upside, technology can be a force for good, depending on how it is used. It makes continued contact quicker and easier. A text or email is more emotionally distant than a face-to-face or phone conversation. A bit of a barrier can be a good thing.

Resolution is an organisation of family law professionals that promotes nonconfrontational divorce settlements. Nigel Shepherd, its national chair, says that avoiding unnecessary argument demands a shift of perspective: By nonconfrontational, we mean focusing on what is required for the future, as opposed to getting stuck in what happened in the past. A Resolution survey found that 90% of cases settle without a judge.

Current divorce law doesnt exactly help people to remain friendly: unless former couples are prepared to wait for two years once they have separated, they have no option but to cite adultery, unreasonable behaviour or (admittedly rarely) desertion on the paperwork. Resolution believes that a couple should be allowed to divorce simply if they think the marriage has broken down, a so-called no-fault divorce, and are lobbying for change. The current process, which pushes the majority into blame, often against their will, can really put the spanner in the works, Shepherd says.

***

Businesswoman Sarah Bevan never lost sight of the fact that she wanted to retain her friendship with her husband, Tim, despite her deep sadness when their marriage came to an end. We were originally friends, and I wanted very strongly to maintain that for the greater good of our family, she says. We always had a lot of fun and we managed to retain that.

Sarah, who is now single and in her 40s, lives in south London, and is setting up her own company. Tim, 50, the MD of a packaging and design company, lives in Hove. The pair met at work in London and married in 1994. They have three teenage children. The friendship was overriding in the relationship, Tim says. Any other issues were put to one side. Thats what carried us. But then I started to do better in my career, which made me more confident and, when other possibilities presented themselves, I was weak enough to succumb.

It was 2004. He admitted he was having an affair (not his first); they finally parted in 2005 and divorced in 2011. Tim says he walked away with two pictures, a stereo and a pink tea towel.

There were no lawyers, and nothing on paper; money was divided according to their own agreement. The divorce cost 560. Rather than argue in court, he wanted Sarah and the children to have a home and security. He credits their friendship today to his ex-wifes openness and strength, and thinks they have both pulled off something pretty extraordinary. According to Tim, both realise they are not going to be jumping into bed with each other again, but hopes theyll be best friends for life.

Shes currently offering me advice on cholesterol, he laughs. Shes still got my back! It helped that neither of them slagged each other off to the children. The family has a group chat online most days and he visits them every Tuesday for a curry evening.

There were phases of extreme anger and massive hurt, Sarah says, but even though hes certainly a difficult character, I love him and we hug and say we love each other. He remains an important part of her life, all the more so because her parents died recently in tragic circumstances. As Tim says, that focused everyone on whats important.

Despite everything weve put each other through, Tim says, weve come out of it. We will be sitting in our deckchairs in 30 years time with our mint tea, looking at the children, and thinking, Weve done good.

How to divorce well

1. Slow down. Reactive decisions are usually bad ones; if you are feeling hurt, or have just discovered your partner with someone else, dont take any legal action until the red mist has gone.

2. Try to be rational. Going through a separation is highly emotional, but try to put that to one side and sit down with a neutral party with the aim of making sensible decisions. Remember that you loved the other person once.

3. Decide on your priorities. More often than not one of the biggest goals is to move on with your life with your dignity intact. The more amicable the divorce, the quicker it will be over, leaving you to get on with the next chapter of your life. It is also a lot cheaper.

4. Go to a good family lawyer. Find a family specialist committed to working out solutions as amicably as possible and in a way that will preserve your relationship with your spouse.

5. Expect a big change in your lifestyle. Your life is going to change dramatically; being shocked by this can often lead to resentment and breed conflict. Your partners life will be changing, too, and they will have the same problems adjusting as you are. Yes, really.

6. Dont do it the celebrity way. You dont have to fight dirty to get the best result in fact, judges will frown upon it when making their settlement.

7. Dont listen to your friends. Turn to them for emotional support but remember that every marriage is different and every divorce is different. Just because friends think it is a good idea, doesnt mean it is.

8. Be the bigger person. Even if your nearly ex is trying to play dirty, dont rise to the bait. It is easier said than done, but I often hear from people who, years later, regret that they allowed themselves to be brought down to that level.

9. Think about divorce before you get married. What will your situation be if things dont work out? Consider how your partner is likely to behave in those circumstances as well. Think about a prenuptial agreement realism does not have to be anti-romantic.

10. If you have children, be nice for their sake. It is only in the most exceptional circumstances that it is not in the childrens interests for their parents to remain friendly.

Peter Martin, family lawyer, OGR Stock Denton