#joelmiller dad vibes

[josephquinnswhore]

I’ll Be There For You

Pairing: Joel Miller x female/“daughter” reader.

Summary: Joel comes to the conclusion that he deserves to have another chance at having a daughter, and you get a second chance at having a dad.

Word Count: 5.2k

Content Warning: typical tlou violence, blood, guns, reader contemplating suicide at the start, protective Joel, reader gets shot.

Life in the QZ was hardly luxurious, however you strived to see the positive things through rather than wallowing in the negative. Something you looked forward to was your dad playing guitar every night before supper, the strumming and melody of a song that was of his time, gave you both a sense of normalcy.

Your dad was one of the few that were allowed to leave the safety of the walls of the QZ, doing supply runs around the surrounding ruins of the city of Boston. There were few instances where the group doing the supply run were late to return and a series of unfortunate events meant that today was one of those days, the sky starting to darken as the sun sets on the horizon, the cool breeze drifting in from the north. You check the time on your watch, the simple block letters reading 5:57pm; a black and blue G-Shock watch, built to withstand the conditions you’ve put it through. It belonged to your mother, she passed when you were younger and your father handed it down to you at your mother's request, the small token the only memory you have that she ever existed. 

Standing unaccompanied outside during the day wasn’t safe, the violence seemingly increasing by the day, being a fifteen-year-old girl alone at night was dangerous. Tess walks up to you putting a hand on your shoulder,

“come on hun, let me walk you home. I'm sure he’ll be home soon.” She walked you through the streets to your apartment, her hand never leaving the small of your back. 

She gives you the gun that was on her hip, for your safety till your dad gets home, knowing what some of the men in this town were like.

It was 7:30pm when your dad came stumbling through the door, exhaustion written on his face, an unfamiliar look in his eyes had you feeling unnerved. “Dad are you okay? There’s blood on your shirt.” You frowned pointing at him and he lets out a humourless laugh, “it’s not mine sweetheart, I’m okay, made it back to you in one piece.” Your feet have a mind of their own as they step toward him, wanting nothing more to embrace him into a hug, the anxiety in your heart evaporates. He holds a hand up to stop you, “let me have a shower first,” he gestures to the blood that covers his green button up long sleeve shirt, “then I’ll play you a tune on the guitar, your favourite.” You smile and offer a weak nod as he walks past you into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. You start preparing for dinner, buttering bread and opening a canned package of pasta, years past its expiry date but well enough to declare edible. 

As you heat the pasta up you start washing some dishes to clear the kitchen, sinking into your nightly routine wanting your dad to be out here with you. Stuck in your own head and hands slippery from the soap suds on the plate you’re washing, it falls from the grasp in your hands and smashes on the ground, thousands of pieces that ended up across the house. Groaning in frustration you wipe your wet hands on your jeans, feeling the outline of the handgun Tess had given you earlier in the evening.  

Rustling came from the bathroom and the door banged against the doorframe, “dad?” Before you could think your hands gripped the handgun, turning off the safety, the feeing in your gut telling you something was wrong had your heart racing. 

The door burst open after something collided into it, that-something, being your dad, infected. Blood dripping from his wrist through his clean white sweatshirt, veins protruding from his face were dark and he growled at you, charging at you full speed he was across the room in seconds. The echo of a gunshot rang through the concrete walls of the apartment as you pulled the trigger, your dad- the body was lying with his back to the ground, blood pooling around him. 

The smell of blood, smoke from the gun and burning pasta became too much, your body fell to the ground at the weakness of your knees, screaming and pointed the handgun to your temple, you couldn’t do this without him-you couldn’t do this alone. 

How would you ever sleep again without hearing the sweet lullaby of your favourite song on the guitar, any living memory of your family now dead on the floor only feet away from you. 

You failed to notice three people storming into your apartment, Tess, Joel and Dan, Dan was someone your dad had been on a run with this evening that lived in the room across the hall from you. Tess snatched the gun that kissed your temple and pulled you into her body, “you’re okay. I got you.” Your body trembled beneath hers, Joel mumbling in the background of your ringing ears, “Fuckin’ hell. Check her for bites.” Tess sighed against you and checked your body, confirming you weren’t infected, “she’s clear.” 

Joel sighs running a hand through his hair he turned to Dan, “did you know about this?” The accusation is his tone as he pointed to the bite on the infecteds wrist, Dan only hung his head in silence. Joel stepped toward the cowering man, “you stupid son of a bitch you could’ve gotten this kid killed.” Tess snapped, “hey. Not now Joel.” Joel grit his teeth and grunted, “get the kid out of here. She doesn’t need to be ‘round this.” 

Tess picked you up and half-heartedly carried you to her room which was only down the hall, your body numb as you sat on the lounge. 

“Think you can eat?” You shook your head, knowing if you attempted to eat the contents of your stomach would paint the floor. 

“Get some sleep. I’m so sorry.” Her condolences went in one ear and out the next as you lie on your side, trembling. Tears spilling from your eyes as your brain replays the scene over and over. You try to remember your dads laugh and smile, it only made the ache in your heart worse.

When Tess finally fell asleep you broke down, sobbing quietly, your attempts to muffle the sound from the thin frail blanket proving unsuccessful to your efforts.

Joel hears you from one door down, unable to sleep into the early morning as he hears you. He can’t help but feel SORRY for you, you’re just a kid, it’s not his business, but he can relate to the guilt and loss you’re feeling, he worries he’ll find you dead next after finding you about to take your own life. It wouldn’t hurt to check on her in the morning, just to make sure, he reasons.

The next morning Joel stands hesitantly at the front of Tess’s door and tries to convince himself to walk away, to his surprise he doesn’t, he enters the apartment and sees you lying on the lounge, lifeless almost. He gently kicks the lounge, and your body doesn’t flinch, the only indicator that you’re alive is that your eyes moved to look at him. He stands with his hands in his jean pockets, “how you holdin’ up?” Fucking idiot what a stupid question, he internally scolds himself. 

You huff, “fuckin shit. Why are you here?” You sit upright and Joel takes in your features, dark circles around your eyes, puffy cheeks and messy hair. “Heard you cryin’ all night.” You shift uncomfortably, “oh, sorry.” Joel reached into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small bag, full of dried fruit, nuts and beef jerky. “Thought you could eat.” You accept and as he’s walking off, he hears a quiet, “thank you Joel.” 

Something stirred inside him that made him feel guilty and he thought, wouldn’t hurt to check on her tomorrow, just to see if she’s okay, then that’s it.

However after the second morning visit, that wasn’t the end of it, he continued to visit you every morning and one day came bearing bad news, Tess had gotten infected on a supply run and she sacrificed herself to save Joel, that was three months ago and frankly you’d become attached to Joel, he was the only person you felt you had in your life. He continued to visit you every day after breaking the news to you, to make sure you’re still alive, and he can see small improvements in your healing, five months had passed after the first incident and three months since Joel told you about Tess, you’d fully moved in to Tess apartment now, your belongings invaded her apartment as hers lie stagnant. Joel refuses to accept he has any influence and regards how strong you were for holding together. 

That morning after he visited you, only for a few minutes to drop off some bottled water and food and small conversation ensued.

“You still havin’ them nightmares?” Joel already knew the answer, he had heard you nearly every night from his own room. Rushing from his own room to reassure you that you're safe, sometimes he stayed for a few hours after and sometimes he went straight back to his own room. You nod as your eyes meet his, “yeah. Sometimes I'm fine other nights It's like I'm reliving it.” joel offered a sympathetic look and his hand patted your shoulder before telling you a lie. “It’ll get better kid.” You smile at his optimism, “thanks.” he walks out of the door, your mind filling with more positive thoughts, giving you some motivation to take care of yourself.

Joel heads into a building and pushes past the long line of people waiting their turn to use the radio, with a bribe of cigarettes he’s let in and is notified no one has heard anything from Tommy in 8 weeks. He decides then and there he’s leaving, today. You cross his mind, he shoves the thought down, you’re not his problem, Tommy is, so why did he feel a sense of guilt at the thought of leaving you.

Today you had showered, brushed your hair and put on clean clothes, finally stepping outside, your body soaking up the warmth of the sun and wrapping your arms around yourself in hope of shielding your body from people’s judgemental stare. 

You see Joel rushing out of his apartment with a backpack on his shoulders, looking back and forth as he disappeared down the streets. Your curiosity spiked and you follow him, your body praising you for the movement, loosening your aching joints. 

Joel was, escaping? Tears stung your eyes and your heart felt bitter, he didn’t owe you anything so why did it hurt that he was leaving you here. 

“Joel?” He turned to face you and he sighed, that unfamiliar feeling settling in his stomach uncomfortably. “You’re safer here, kid.” He tries to reason, tears fall down your face, “that’s so far from the truth Joel and you know it. My own...” you stutter and exhale, “my own father tried to kill me in our own apartment. I’ll have no one if you leave me here. Please.” You beg and Joel’s shoulder slump, “you got 5 minutes, a second later and I’m leaving without you.” You nod and rush back to your and Tess room packing essentials and rush back to meet Joel, a burn present in your lungs from running and chest heaving, with all but 20 seconds to spare. “C’mon then, gotta get somewhere safe before dark.” 

For the first time in your life, you left the safety of the walls of the QZ and with Joel by your side you’d never felt safer. 

The weeks went by timelessly as you were covering ground quickly and only coming across a few infected which Joel took care of, few words were spoken between the two of you, but becoming more comfortable around each other, Joel was still at times distant with you, and you were as you saw yourself; a liability. You were another mouth to feed and body to protect, you couldn’t wield a weapon like Joel did, the trauma of ending your own father's life as the infected coming full grit when you came across a runner, what your father had turned into. Your body not strong enough to fight the infected off. Joel for one was grateful you did what you were told, exactly as you were told.

The next morning you were both awake at dusk, the bright colours reflected off your skin as you begin the journey across the country in search for Tommy heading north-west. You try to take your mind off the burn in your calves, you didn’t want to complain and make Joel stop, he was already doing you a favour by bringing you along so you decide to make conversation, seeing how much you can get out of him without being a pushover.

“What did you do before, everything?” Joel turns to look at you briefly before hesitating, “we were called contractors.” You nod, prying him to continue. “What’s a contractor?” Joel raises his eyebrows, “like building, houses, stores that kinda thing.” You smile, “that’s pretty cool,” Joel smiles to himself at your comment and shrugs nonchalantly, “yeah. We were cool. Everybody loves contractors.”

Joel secured a small house in the middle of the woods after 12 hours travelling and two small rests in-between, the darkening sky indication that you needed to stop for the day, there were no sign of recent tenants or infected in the house. He pulled a bookshelf over the front door and an old steel freezer over the back door, securing the house. You pull out your sleeping bag and set it up on the floor in the second story master bedroom, the mattress completely deteriorated showing exposed springs all over. Pulling out a can of baked beans, you eat them cold until you were scraping the bottom of the can to eat the remaining sauce.

Joel joins you and sets his own sleeping back up feet away from your own, lying down and starring up at the ceiling, the darkness pulling you into its haze.

“Joel?” Your quiet voice hardly reaches his ears across the room, he turns to you, “hm?”

“I gotta tell you something serious.” Joel watches you, “what?”

“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?” Joel huffs, before you can finish your joke he interrupts, “I hear the food is good, but they had no atmosphere.” You gasp, looking at him in fad-annoyance as he ruins the punchline of your joke, “you dick, you ruined my joke.” He rolls over so his back is facing you, so you don’t see the smile on his face.

A few minutes of silence pass and you stifle a laugh, trying to cover it as a quiet cough, “you know...” you start and Joel sighs, “the person who came up with the saying ‘laughter is the best medicine’ had obviously never had diarrhoea.” A silent exhale leaves Joel’s lips before he chuckles quietly, his body vibrating everything he does, you start laughing as a result and for the first time you hear him laugh. A few minutes pass and Joel readjusts his body once again, “get some sleep, try not to shit yourself while you’re at it.” You smile and shake your head, “night Joel.” He mumbles under his breath, “yeah. Night kid.”

Time seemed irrelevant when you’re travelling for 12+ hours a day on foot. The snow beneath your boots provided some relief to the burn in your heels. Alas; you didn’t complain, you felt like Joel was opening up to you and the last thing you wanted was to annoy him by complaining.

Joel knew you needed a break, he always knew. Your stubbornness and anxiety silenced you, your body sluggish and steps smaller as you struggle to step through the snow, puffs of cool air creating a cloud as you breathe through your mouth. He shortened his steps, he wanted badly to find Tommy but knew it would do him no good to have you collapse from exhaustion and him having to drag you the rest of the way, leaving you wasn’t an option. He admired your strength and resilience to continue even though you were straining your body, you had become his counterpart and he didn’t hate it. You were no equivilant of his daughter of his-by any means. The dynamic changing between you as you found yourself caring for Joel, fearing for him when he fought off an infected, wondering what you would do if you were left all alone.

“Stop thinkin’ so goddamn loud.” Joel’s voice pulls you out of your head and a wave of embarrassment comes over you, “sorry.” He huffs out of his nose and finds a small cave to set camp in, you start to gather twigs and branches and Joel takes them from you, “go and sit down, rest.” You start to protest, and Joel raises his eyebrows and you do as you’re told, setting up both yours and his sleeping bags in the empty cave, shivering as the winter air bites you through your flimsy jacket.

Joel comes back with the mountain of sticks in his arms, cradling them and starts to build a fire. With some matches he lights the fire, taking all too long to warm your freezing body.

His eyes watch you as you shiver, your sleeping bag tucked around you and your body sitting as close to the fire as possible without catching alight. He takes off his outer layer leather jacket and throws it over you, still wearing three layers and admittedly starting to sweat as the flames filled the small area of the cave. “Joel I can’t take this-,” trying to hand it back to him he holds his palm out to stop you. “I’m sweating, don’t need it. Put it on.” You comply and start eating your ration of beef jerky, swallowing a small amount of water to wash it down. “What sort of music did you listen to?” Joel lifts his head to see your body still, no longer shivering and he shifts to get comfortable, “this band called Bon Jovi, they were a rock band. Had some great hits.” Your eyes water slightly at the mention of the band that made the song your dad played for you every night , your dad always used to talk about rock and metal bands, how he grew up in the 80s and loved the music scene and style, widening his palate when he met your mum who was into pop and soul music.

You cry quietly and feel Joel’s eyes on you, “I’m sorry.” You wipe your tears away with your sleeve. “The song my dad used to play for me every night was ‘I’ll be there for you’. Bon Jovi was one of his favourites, turned out to be one of mine too-was.” Joel felt sympathetic toward you, he knew the song well and it was enough to make a suffering teenager emotional, let alone what you had to do to the man it reminded you of. “You should get some sleep, getting late.” You nod your head in agreement, your eyelids feeling heavy with each blink. The warmth that enveloped your body like a giant blanket, after a few minutes you felt yourself drifting to sleep, a gentle hum of your favourite song came from the man sitting across from you, unable to fight the melody you succumb to your exhaustion and fall asleep.

You woke up before Joel feeling refreshed, your mind replaying the hum of that song, felt like maybe you had found some kind of pathway to healing. You sat upright and packed your bag quietly, setting it to the side, picking up Joel’s gun and moving outside of the warmth of the cave, looking for any signs of danger while Joel gets some sleep.

You do a perimeter check and lean against a rock beside your campsite when you heard Joel wake shuffling noisily as he woke, his eyes turning to you in a panic to see you standing outside with his gun. “You fell asleep, so I kept watch, did a perimeter check and it’s all clear.” Joel groans as he stands, his knees clicking as he straightens his back. “You could’ve gotten hurt, give me that.” He snatches the gun off you and sighs. “I just wanted you to get some rest, I’m sorry.” Joel exhales and runs a hand over his face. “Wake me up next time, okay? Can't risk havin’ you out here.” You nod and Joel packs his things, handing you a portion of dried fruit to eat for breakfast.

White was all you could see for miles, the snow covered the ground in a thick layer, crunching underneath your boots, tree branches weighed down with snow bent crookedly. There were no infected out here, you hadn’t seen them for days. “Why haven’t we seen any infected?” You watch Joel as he walks beside you, head forward unmoving. “Too far from the city, that’s where most of them are.” You accept his answer and go back to walking in silence.

The thundering noise of horses comes barrelling towards you, half a dozen people all armed with guns, Joel grabs your arm and pulls you behind him as the people circle you, pointed their weapons at you and you turn to see you're surrounded. “Get behind me.” You do as Joel tells you and stand behind him, both raising your hands in surrender. “We're not looking for any trouble just passing through.” Joel tries to reason. The man directly in front of you wore a cowboy hat and bandeau around his face, “drop the gun.” Joel takes the strap of his gun off his shoulder and sets it on the ground, his arms back up above his head.

The man turns his attention to you, gun raised and aimed right at you head, “you.” Your heart is hammering in your chest and your breath quickens in a spike of anxiety. “Take five steps back.” Joel turns to look at you, then back to the man, “why don’t we just talk this through?” “Why don’t you shut the fuck up,” the man sneers. “Okay, easy.” Joels voice softens, trying to ease the tension.

You look at Joel and he turns his head to look at you and nods, his eyes trying to reassure you but faltering for a moment. “You’ll be okay.” You take five steps back from Joel and your eyes land on one man behind you with his rifle pointed at you.

“You been near infected?” The man you assume is the leader asks. “There aren’t no infected out here.” The man scoffs at Joel, “the hell there aint.”

He whistles and a dog starts barking, your eyes watching it as the handler brings him forward the leader speaks, “last time for a bullet, if you're infected, he will smell it and he will rip you apart.”

The dog barks aggressively and is let off the restraint of the leash, it walks up to Joel, sniffing his boots and jumps up on him with his front legs briefly holding the position before walking back to the handler. “Like I said, we can just move on.” Joel states, wanting you out of this situation he knows he can't protect you from. The man looks at you and nods his head, his gun pointing towards you, “now her.” The dog stalks towards you lowly growing, Joel looks over his shoulder to look at you, wide eyed and panicking you shake your head at him and he looks forward feeling panic course through his body, you weren't infected but didn’t like the dog's menacing behaviour. The dog approaches you slowly, Joels body tensing as he looks forward, unable to shake the terror of seeing you torn apart by this dog.

The dog nudges you and licks your hands causing you to giggle, you pet his head and Joel turns around to face you, exhaling the relief he felt as he saw you cuddling the dog. The man nods and whistles, calling his dog back away from you. You rolled your shoulders forward to relieve them from their tension.

“You just bought yourself ten more seconds, what you doin out here?” Joel replies, “just lookin for my brother, that’s all nothin’ more.” The lady from the back moves forward on her horse in front of Joel, “what's your name?” “Joel.” She looks between you and Joel and nods to the leader.

The man behind you pulled his horse forward, eyes fixated on your watch, you turned your head noticing him closing the distance between you, his gun still ready to fire. You yelped as he grabbed your wrist, inspecting the watch. “What the hell are you doing, she aint infected! Let her go.” Joel yelled. The man snapped at Joel who watched on hopelessly as the others watched on, “shut up,” he looked back to you, “where’d you get this watch?” You whimper against the grip on your wrist, “it was my mothers.” His grip on your wrist tightened and started to twist it, “tell me the fucking truth.” Tears slipped past your eyes as his fingernails dug into your flesh. “I’m telling the truth.” The woman protested, “Nick, leave it. Shes just a kid let her go.” He turned to snap at her, “this was my sisters watch and she was murdered in cold blood. She knows what happens to her.” Joels eyes looked to the group, hoping someone would help. You were just a kid; this grown man was hurting you. “I don’t know what happened, I swear, it was my mothers.” You were sobbing at the searing pain in your wrist and fear overcoming you. You looked at Joel, a silent plea, begging for his help. You were met with his conflicted eyes, hopelessness written all over his face.

You were pushed to the ground harshly, whimpering as you tried to stand, Joel takes one step towards you before the gun is pointed towards him, “dont.” Joel growls and looks between you and the gunman, the crack through the air happened so suddenly, your body falling limp, face first into the snow, blood staining your clothes and the snow beneath you. Through your ears ringing you hear multiple gunshots and Joel screaming for you, his body dropping to the ground next to you rolling you over so you're on your back. His hands covered your wound, “oh no. No, no no.” your breathing was erratic and tears fell from your eyes, Joel cradled your body in his arms, “you're okay, I got you.” He tears the bottom of your shirt and you write in pain, screaming. “I know, I know, I know it hurts.” He puts pressure on the wound, his body trembling as he watches you helplessly. He picks your body off the snow and the woman jumps off her horse and helps Joel lift you onto the now free one they had shot the gunman off. Joel straddles the horse and follows the group back to camp. Your eyes start fluttering, the weight of them proving too much to keep open, your body coming in and out of consciousness. “Look at me baby girl, keep your eyes open.” Your body falls limp as you pass out and Joel puts pressure on your wound with one hand, the other controlling the reigns of the horse. He can't let this happen again, grief overwhelming as he looks at your body and sees his failure of Sarah happening all over again.

It only took minutes to get to their camp, for Joel it felt like hours, time slowing as the fate of your life lies in his hands. Everyone got off their horses to help Joel carry you down, jumping to the ground he carried your limp body to the infirmary they had available, two people immediately ushering him to lie your body on the bed and they immediately tended to your wounds. “Joel?” He turned around to see Tommy and they met each other halfway to embrace in a hug, “Tommy.” Joels body slumped against Tommys as he led them outside the building and into the repair shop.

“What happened Joel, from the start.” Joel slumped as he sat on a stool, Tommy following and sitting beside him.

“She was attacked, her father was infected, and she had to shoot him, she had to kill her own father. I felt this guilt, that a child had to do that where she was meant to be safe, found her with the gun to her head.” Tears fell from Joel’s eyes, “I checked on her the next morning and was worried she was dead. It was only meant to be once, but she grew on me.” Joel rubbed the side of his face, “something about her felt familiar, she reminded me so much of-” Joel shook his head, not able to speak his daughters name as he chokes back a sob, “I couldn’t leave her there Tommy.” Tommy lifted his head to meet Joel’s eyes, “i have dreams every night.” “What kind of dreams?” Tommy replies. “This kid having the same fate as…Sarah, I'm failing it's all I do, it's all I've ever done. Now I can't help but feel like I should've left her, I wouldn’t have gotten her killed.”

Tommy shook his head, “this isn't on you Joel, you're fighting the world all on your own.” Joel’s voice was thick with emotion as he shook his head, “for the first time in decades I wasn’t alone, now I'm living that nightmare over again.”

The door flew open, banging on the cupboard as it flew open, Maria walked through the door watching as the two men stare at her, “she's awake.” Joel stands up that quick the stool falls to the ground and he’s out the door in seconds, ignoring the burn in his lungs as he runs to the building you were in, flinging the door open to see you bandaged up and hooked to an IV, eyes open and watching him. “Joel.”

The moment his name left your lips he was by your side, checking over your body and seeing if you were alive or if his mind was playing a cruel trick to deceive him. His hands held your hand, your free hand coming up shakily to wipe the tears that escaped his eyes, “didn't know you cared about me so much,” you say jokingly. Joels stare didn’t falter, “I do.” The seriousness in his voice giving you a comfort you didn’t know was possible from the day your dad died. “I believe you Joel.” Your eyes felt heavy as the pain medication dripped from the bag into the IV, flowing through your bloodstream, relieving your body of the pain. “Don't got enough damn blankets in here.” Joel huffs taking off his jacket and pulling it over you. “Get some sleep baby girl.” in your drug induce haze you reply, “mkay dad.” Emotion overcomes Joel as he starts to sing your favourite song;

“I'll be there for you

These five words, I swear to you

When you breathe, I want to be

The air for you

I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you

I'd steal the sun from the sky for you

Words can't say what love can do

I'll be there for you.”

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