#joelmiller angst

[josephquinnswhore]

I’ll Be There For You

Pairing: Joel Miller x female/“daughter” reader.

Summary: Joel comes to the conclusion that he deserves to have another chance at having a daughter, and you get a second chance at having a dad.

Word Count: 5.2k

Content Warning: typical tlou violence, blood, guns, reader contemplating suicide at the start, protective Joel, reader gets shot.

Life in the QZ was hardly luxurious, however you strived to see the positive things through rather than wallowing in the negative. Something you looked forward to was your dad playing guitar every night before supper, the strumming and melody of a song that was of his time, gave you both a sense of normalcy.

Your dad was one of the few that were allowed to leave the safety of the walls of the QZ, doing supply runs around the surrounding ruins of the city of Boston. There were few instances where the group doing the supply run were late to return and a series of unfortunate events meant that today was one of those days, the sky starting to darken as the sun sets on the horizon, the cool breeze drifting in from the north. You check the time on your watch, the simple block letters reading 5:57pm; a black and blue G-Shock watch, built to withstand the conditions you’ve put it through. It belonged to your mother, she passed when you were younger and your father handed it down to you at your mother's request, the small token the only memory you have that she ever existed. 

Standing unaccompanied outside during the day wasn’t safe, the violence seemingly increasing by the day, being a fifteen-year-old girl alone at night was dangerous. Tess walks up to you putting a hand on your shoulder,

“come on hun, let me walk you home. I'm sure he’ll be home soon.” She walked you through the streets to your apartment, her hand never leaving the small of your back. 

She gives you the gun that was on her hip, for your safety till your dad gets home, knowing what some of the men in this town were like.

It was 7:30pm when your dad came stumbling through the door, exhaustion written on his face, an unfamiliar look in his eyes had you feeling unnerved. “Dad are you okay? There’s blood on your shirt.” You frowned pointing at him and he lets out a humourless laugh, “it’s not mine sweetheart, I’m okay, made it back to you in one piece.” Your feet have a mind of their own as they step toward him, wanting nothing more to embrace him into a hug, the anxiety in your heart evaporates. He holds a hand up to stop you, “let me have a shower first,” he gestures to the blood that covers his green button up long sleeve shirt, “then I’ll play you a tune on the guitar, your favourite.” You smile and offer a weak nod as he walks past you into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. You start preparing for dinner, buttering bread and opening a canned package of pasta, years past its expiry date but well enough to declare edible. 

As you heat the pasta up you start washing some dishes to clear the kitchen, sinking into your nightly routine wanting your dad to be out here with you. Stuck in your own head and hands slippery from the soap suds on the plate you’re washing, it falls from the grasp in your hands and smashes on the ground, thousands of pieces that ended up across the house. Groaning in frustration you wipe your wet hands on your jeans, feeling the outline of the handgun Tess had given you earlier in the evening.  

Rustling came from the bathroom and the door banged against the doorframe, “dad?” Before you could think your hands gripped the handgun, turning off the safety, the feeing in your gut telling you something was wrong had your heart racing. 

The door burst open after something collided into it, that-something, being your dad, infected. Blood dripping from his wrist through his clean white sweatshirt, veins protruding from his face were dark and he growled at you, charging at you full speed he was across the room in seconds. The echo of a gunshot rang through the concrete walls of the apartment as you pulled the trigger, your dad- the body was lying with his back to the ground, blood pooling around him. 

The smell of blood, smoke from the gun and burning pasta became too much, your body fell to the ground at the weakness of your knees, screaming and pointed the handgun to your temple, you couldn’t do this without him-you couldn’t do this alone. 

How would you ever sleep again without hearing the sweet lullaby of your favourite song on the guitar, any living memory of your family now dead on the floor only feet away from you. 

You failed to notice three people storming into your apartment, Tess, Joel and Dan, Dan was someone your dad had been on a run with this evening that lived in the room across the hall from you. Tess snatched the gun that kissed your temple and pulled you into her body, “you’re okay. I got you.” Your body trembled beneath hers, Joel mumbling in the background of your ringing ears, “Fuckin’ hell. Check her for bites.” Tess sighed against you and checked your body, confirming you weren’t infected, “she’s clear.” 

Joel sighs running a hand through his hair he turned to Dan, “did you know about this?” The accusation is his tone as he pointed to the bite on the infecteds wrist, Dan only hung his head in silence. Joel stepped toward the cowering man, “you stupid son of a bitch you could’ve gotten this kid killed.” Tess snapped, “hey. Not now Joel.” Joel grit his teeth and grunted, “get the kid out of here. She doesn’t need to be ‘round this.” 

Tess picked you up and half-heartedly carried you to her room which was only down the hall, your body numb as you sat on the lounge. 

“Think you can eat?” You shook your head, knowing if you attempted to eat the contents of your stomach would paint the floor. 

“Get some sleep. I’m so sorry.” Her condolences went in one ear and out the next as you lie on your side, trembling. Tears spilling from your eyes as your brain replays the scene over and over. You try to remember your dads laugh and smile, it only made the ache in your heart worse.

When Tess finally fell asleep you broke down, sobbing quietly, your attempts to muffle the sound from the thin frail blanket proving unsuccessful to your efforts.

Joel hears you from one door down, unable to sleep into the early morning as he hears you. He can’t help but feel SORRY for you, you’re just a kid, it’s not his business, but he can relate to the guilt and loss you’re feeling, he worries he’ll find you dead next after finding you about to take your own life. It wouldn’t hurt to check on her in the morning, just to make sure, he reasons.

The next morning Joel stands hesitantly at the front of Tess’s door and tries to convince himself to walk away, to his surprise he doesn’t, he enters the apartment and sees you lying on the lounge, lifeless almost. He gently kicks the lounge, and your body doesn’t flinch, the only indicator that you’re alive is that your eyes moved to look at him. He stands with his hands in his jean pockets, “how you holdin’ up?” Fucking idiot what a stupid question, he internally scolds himself. 

You huff, “fuckin shit. Why are you here?” You sit upright and Joel takes in your features, dark circles around your eyes, puffy cheeks and messy hair. “Heard you cryin’ all night.” You shift uncomfortably, “oh, sorry.” Joel reached into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small bag, full of dried fruit, nuts and beef jerky. “Thought you could eat.” You accept and as he’s walking off, he hears a quiet, “thank you Joel.” 

Something stirred inside him that made him feel guilty and he thought, wouldn’t hurt to check on her tomorrow, just to see if she’s okay, then that’s it.

However after the second morning visit, that wasn’t the end of it, he continued to visit you every morning and one day came bearing bad news, Tess had gotten infected on a supply run and she sacrificed herself to save Joel, that was three months ago and frankly you’d become attached to Joel, he was the only person you felt you had in your life. He continued to visit you every day after breaking the news to you, to make sure you’re still alive, and he can see small improvements in your healing, five months had passed after the first incident and three months since Joel told you about Tess, you’d fully moved in to Tess apartment now, your belongings invaded her apartment as hers lie stagnant. Joel refuses to accept he has any influence and regards how strong you were for holding together. 

That morning after he visited you, only for a few minutes to drop off some bottled water and food and small conversation ensued.

“You still havin’ them nightmares?” Joel already knew the answer, he had heard you nearly every night from his own room. Rushing from his own room to reassure you that you're safe, sometimes he stayed for a few hours after and sometimes he went straight back to his own room. You nod as your eyes meet his, “yeah. Sometimes I'm fine other nights It's like I'm reliving it.” joel offered a sympathetic look and his hand patted your shoulder before telling you a lie. “It’ll get better kid.” You smile at his optimism, “thanks.” he walks out of the door, your mind filling with more positive thoughts, giving you some motivation to take care of yourself.

Joel heads into a building and pushes past the long line of people waiting their turn to use the radio, with a bribe of cigarettes he’s let in and is notified no one has heard anything from Tommy in 8 weeks. He decides then and there he’s leaving, today. You cross his mind, he shoves the thought down, you’re not his problem, Tommy is, so why did he feel a sense of guilt at the thought of leaving you.

Today you had showered, brushed your hair and put on clean clothes, finally stepping outside, your body soaking up the warmth of the sun and wrapping your arms around yourself in hope of shielding your body from people’s judgemental stare. 

You see Joel rushing out of his apartment with a backpack on his shoulders, looking back and forth as he disappeared down the streets. Your curiosity spiked and you follow him, your body praising you for the movement, loosening your aching joints. 

Joel was, escaping? Tears stung your eyes and your heart felt bitter, he didn’t owe you anything so why did it hurt that he was leaving you here. 

“Joel?” He turned to face you and he sighed, that unfamiliar feeling settling in his stomach uncomfortably. “You’re safer here, kid.” He tries to reason, tears fall down your face, “that’s so far from the truth Joel and you know it. My own...” you stutter and exhale, “my own father tried to kill me in our own apartment. I’ll have no one if you leave me here. Please.” You beg and Joel’s shoulder slump, “you got 5 minutes, a second later and I’m leaving without you.” You nod and rush back to your and Tess room packing essentials and rush back to meet Joel, a burn present in your lungs from running and chest heaving, with all but 20 seconds to spare. “C’mon then, gotta get somewhere safe before dark.” 

For the first time in your life, you left the safety of the walls of the QZ and with Joel by your side you’d never felt safer. 

The weeks went by timelessly as you were covering ground quickly and only coming across a few infected which Joel took care of, few words were spoken between the two of you, but becoming more comfortable around each other, Joel was still at times distant with you, and you were as you saw yourself; a liability. You were another mouth to feed and body to protect, you couldn’t wield a weapon like Joel did, the trauma of ending your own father's life as the infected coming full grit when you came across a runner, what your father had turned into. Your body not strong enough to fight the infected off. Joel for one was grateful you did what you were told, exactly as you were told.

The next morning you were both awake at dusk, the bright colours reflected off your skin as you begin the journey across the country in search for Tommy heading north-west. You try to take your mind off the burn in your calves, you didn’t want to complain and make Joel stop, he was already doing you a favour by bringing you along so you decide to make conversation, seeing how much you can get out of him without being a pushover.

“What did you do before, everything?” Joel turns to look at you briefly before hesitating, “we were called contractors.” You nod, prying him to continue. “What’s a contractor?” Joel raises his eyebrows, “like building, houses, stores that kinda thing.” You smile, “that’s pretty cool,” Joel smiles to himself at your comment and shrugs nonchalantly, “yeah. We were cool. Everybody loves contractors.”

Joel secured a small house in the middle of the woods after 12 hours travelling and two small rests in-between, the darkening sky indication that you needed to stop for the day, there were no sign of recent tenants or infected in the house. He pulled a bookshelf over the front door and an old steel freezer over the back door, securing the house. You pull out your sleeping bag and set it up on the floor in the second story master bedroom, the mattress completely deteriorated showing exposed springs all over. Pulling out a can of baked beans, you eat them cold until you were scraping the bottom of the can to eat the remaining sauce.

Joel joins you and sets his own sleeping back up feet away from your own, lying down and starring up at the ceiling, the darkness pulling you into its haze.

“Joel?” Your quiet voice hardly reaches his ears across the room, he turns to you, “hm?”

“I gotta tell you something serious.” Joel watches you, “what?”

“Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?” Joel huffs, before you can finish your joke he interrupts, “I hear the food is good, but they had no atmosphere.” You gasp, looking at him in fad-annoyance as he ruins the punchline of your joke, “you dick, you ruined my joke.” He rolls over so his back is facing you, so you don’t see the smile on his face.

A few minutes of silence pass and you stifle a laugh, trying to cover it as a quiet cough, “you know...” you start and Joel sighs, “the person who came up with the saying ‘laughter is the best medicine’ had obviously never had diarrhoea.” A silent exhale leaves Joel’s lips before he chuckles quietly, his body vibrating everything he does, you start laughing as a result and for the first time you hear him laugh. A few minutes pass and Joel readjusts his body once again, “get some sleep, try not to shit yourself while you’re at it.” You smile and shake your head, “night Joel.” He mumbles under his breath, “yeah. Night kid.”

Time seemed irrelevant when you’re travelling for 12+ hours a day on foot. The snow beneath your boots provided some relief to the burn in your heels. Alas; you didn’t complain, you felt like Joel was opening up to you and the last thing you wanted was to annoy him by complaining.

Joel knew you needed a break, he always knew. Your stubbornness and anxiety silenced you, your body sluggish and steps smaller as you struggle to step through the snow, puffs of cool air creating a cloud as you breathe through your mouth. He shortened his steps, he wanted badly to find Tommy but knew it would do him no good to have you collapse from exhaustion and him having to drag you the rest of the way, leaving you wasn’t an option. He admired your strength and resilience to continue even though you were straining your body, you had become his counterpart and he didn’t hate it. You were no equivilant of his daughter of his-by any means. The dynamic changing between you as you found yourself caring for Joel, fearing for him when he fought off an infected, wondering what you would do if you were left all alone.

“Stop thinkin’ so goddamn loud.” Joel’s voice pulls you out of your head and a wave of embarrassment comes over you, “sorry.” He huffs out of his nose and finds a small cave to set camp in, you start to gather twigs and branches and Joel takes them from you, “go and sit down, rest.” You start to protest, and Joel raises his eyebrows and you do as you’re told, setting up both yours and his sleeping bags in the empty cave, shivering as the winter air bites you through your flimsy jacket.

Joel comes back with the mountain of sticks in his arms, cradling them and starts to build a fire. With some matches he lights the fire, taking all too long to warm your freezing body.

His eyes watch you as you shiver, your sleeping bag tucked around you and your body sitting as close to the fire as possible without catching alight. He takes off his outer layer leather jacket and throws it over you, still wearing three layers and admittedly starting to sweat as the flames filled the small area of the cave. “Joel I can’t take this-,” trying to hand it back to him he holds his palm out to stop you. “I’m sweating, don’t need it. Put it on.” You comply and start eating your ration of beef jerky, swallowing a small amount of water to wash it down. “What sort of music did you listen to?” Joel lifts his head to see your body still, no longer shivering and he shifts to get comfortable, “this band called Bon Jovi, they were a rock band. Had some great hits.” Your eyes water slightly at the mention of the band that made the song your dad played for you every night , your dad always used to talk about rock and metal bands, how he grew up in the 80s and loved the music scene and style, widening his palate when he met your mum who was into pop and soul music.

You cry quietly and feel Joel’s eyes on you, “I’m sorry.” You wipe your tears away with your sleeve. “The song my dad used to play for me every night was ‘I’ll be there for you’. Bon Jovi was one of his favourites, turned out to be one of mine too-was.” Joel felt sympathetic toward you, he knew the song well and it was enough to make a suffering teenager emotional, let alone what you had to do to the man it reminded you of. “You should get some sleep, getting late.” You nod your head in agreement, your eyelids feeling heavy with each blink. The warmth that enveloped your body like a giant blanket, after a few minutes you felt yourself drifting to sleep, a gentle hum of your favourite song came from the man sitting across from you, unable to fight the melody you succumb to your exhaustion and fall asleep.

You woke up before Joel feeling refreshed, your mind replaying the hum of that song, felt like maybe you had found some kind of pathway to healing. You sat upright and packed your bag quietly, setting it to the side, picking up Joel’s gun and moving outside of the warmth of the cave, looking for any signs of danger while Joel gets some sleep.

You do a perimeter check and lean against a rock beside your campsite when you heard Joel wake shuffling noisily as he woke, his eyes turning to you in a panic to see you standing outside with his gun. “You fell asleep, so I kept watch, did a perimeter check and it’s all clear.” Joel groans as he stands, his knees clicking as he straightens his back. “You could’ve gotten hurt, give me that.” He snatches the gun off you and sighs. “I just wanted you to get some rest, I’m sorry.” Joel exhales and runs a hand over his face. “Wake me up next time, okay? Can't risk havin’ you out here.” You nod and Joel packs his things, handing you a portion of dried fruit to eat for breakfast.

White was all you could see for miles, the snow covered the ground in a thick layer, crunching underneath your boots, tree branches weighed down with snow bent crookedly. There were no infected out here, you hadn’t seen them for days. “Why haven’t we seen any infected?” You watch Joel as he walks beside you, head forward unmoving. “Too far from the city, that’s where most of them are.” You accept his answer and go back to walking in silence.

The thundering noise of horses comes barrelling towards you, half a dozen people all armed with guns, Joel grabs your arm and pulls you behind him as the people circle you, pointed their weapons at you and you turn to see you're surrounded. “Get behind me.” You do as Joel tells you and stand behind him, both raising your hands in surrender. “We're not looking for any trouble just passing through.” Joel tries to reason. The man directly in front of you wore a cowboy hat and bandeau around his face, “drop the gun.” Joel takes the strap of his gun off his shoulder and sets it on the ground, his arms back up above his head.

The man turns his attention to you, gun raised and aimed right at you head, “you.” Your heart is hammering in your chest and your breath quickens in a spike of anxiety. “Take five steps back.” Joel turns to look at you, then back to the man, “why don’t we just talk this through?” “Why don’t you shut the fuck up,” the man sneers. “Okay, easy.” Joels voice softens, trying to ease the tension.

You look at Joel and he turns his head to look at you and nods, his eyes trying to reassure you but faltering for a moment. “You’ll be okay.” You take five steps back from Joel and your eyes land on one man behind you with his rifle pointed at you.

“You been near infected?” The man you assume is the leader asks. “There aren’t no infected out here.” The man scoffs at Joel, “the hell there aint.”

He whistles and a dog starts barking, your eyes watching it as the handler brings him forward the leader speaks, “last time for a bullet, if you're infected, he will smell it and he will rip you apart.”

The dog barks aggressively and is let off the restraint of the leash, it walks up to Joel, sniffing his boots and jumps up on him with his front legs briefly holding the position before walking back to the handler. “Like I said, we can just move on.” Joel states, wanting you out of this situation he knows he can't protect you from. The man looks at you and nods his head, his gun pointing towards you, “now her.” The dog stalks towards you lowly growing, Joel looks over his shoulder to look at you, wide eyed and panicking you shake your head at him and he looks forward feeling panic course through his body, you weren't infected but didn’t like the dog's menacing behaviour. The dog approaches you slowly, Joels body tensing as he looks forward, unable to shake the terror of seeing you torn apart by this dog.

The dog nudges you and licks your hands causing you to giggle, you pet his head and Joel turns around to face you, exhaling the relief he felt as he saw you cuddling the dog. The man nods and whistles, calling his dog back away from you. You rolled your shoulders forward to relieve them from their tension.

“You just bought yourself ten more seconds, what you doin out here?” Joel replies, “just lookin for my brother, that’s all nothin’ more.” The lady from the back moves forward on her horse in front of Joel, “what's your name?” “Joel.” She looks between you and Joel and nods to the leader.

The man behind you pulled his horse forward, eyes fixated on your watch, you turned your head noticing him closing the distance between you, his gun still ready to fire. You yelped as he grabbed your wrist, inspecting the watch. “What the hell are you doing, she aint infected! Let her go.” Joel yelled. The man snapped at Joel who watched on hopelessly as the others watched on, “shut up,” he looked back to you, “where’d you get this watch?” You whimper against the grip on your wrist, “it was my mothers.” His grip on your wrist tightened and started to twist it, “tell me the fucking truth.” Tears slipped past your eyes as his fingernails dug into your flesh. “I’m telling the truth.” The woman protested, “Nick, leave it. Shes just a kid let her go.” He turned to snap at her, “this was my sisters watch and she was murdered in cold blood. She knows what happens to her.” Joels eyes looked to the group, hoping someone would help. You were just a kid; this grown man was hurting you. “I don’t know what happened, I swear, it was my mothers.” You were sobbing at the searing pain in your wrist and fear overcoming you. You looked at Joel, a silent plea, begging for his help. You were met with his conflicted eyes, hopelessness written all over his face.

You were pushed to the ground harshly, whimpering as you tried to stand, Joel takes one step towards you before the gun is pointed towards him, “dont.” Joel growls and looks between you and the gunman, the crack through the air happened so suddenly, your body falling limp, face first into the snow, blood staining your clothes and the snow beneath you. Through your ears ringing you hear multiple gunshots and Joel screaming for you, his body dropping to the ground next to you rolling you over so you're on your back. His hands covered your wound, “oh no. No, no no.” your breathing was erratic and tears fell from your eyes, Joel cradled your body in his arms, “you're okay, I got you.” He tears the bottom of your shirt and you write in pain, screaming. “I know, I know, I know it hurts.” He puts pressure on the wound, his body trembling as he watches you helplessly. He picks your body off the snow and the woman jumps off her horse and helps Joel lift you onto the now free one they had shot the gunman off. Joel straddles the horse and follows the group back to camp. Your eyes start fluttering, the weight of them proving too much to keep open, your body coming in and out of consciousness. “Look at me baby girl, keep your eyes open.” Your body falls limp as you pass out and Joel puts pressure on your wound with one hand, the other controlling the reigns of the horse. He can't let this happen again, grief overwhelming as he looks at your body and sees his failure of Sarah happening all over again.

It only took minutes to get to their camp, for Joel it felt like hours, time slowing as the fate of your life lies in his hands. Everyone got off their horses to help Joel carry you down, jumping to the ground he carried your limp body to the infirmary they had available, two people immediately ushering him to lie your body on the bed and they immediately tended to your wounds. “Joel?” He turned around to see Tommy and they met each other halfway to embrace in a hug, “Tommy.” Joels body slumped against Tommys as he led them outside the building and into the repair shop.

“What happened Joel, from the start.” Joel slumped as he sat on a stool, Tommy following and sitting beside him.

“She was attacked, her father was infected, and she had to shoot him, she had to kill her own father. I felt this guilt, that a child had to do that where she was meant to be safe, found her with the gun to her head.” Tears fell from Joel’s eyes, “I checked on her the next morning and was worried she was dead. It was only meant to be once, but she grew on me.” Joel rubbed the side of his face, “something about her felt familiar, she reminded me so much of-” Joel shook his head, not able to speak his daughters name as he chokes back a sob, “I couldn’t leave her there Tommy.” Tommy lifted his head to meet Joel’s eyes, “i have dreams every night.” “What kind of dreams?” Tommy replies. “This kid having the same fate as…Sarah, I'm failing it's all I do, it's all I've ever done. Now I can't help but feel like I should've left her, I wouldn’t have gotten her killed.”

Tommy shook his head, “this isn't on you Joel, you're fighting the world all on your own.” Joel’s voice was thick with emotion as he shook his head, “for the first time in decades I wasn’t alone, now I'm living that nightmare over again.”

The door flew open, banging on the cupboard as it flew open, Maria walked through the door watching as the two men stare at her, “she's awake.” Joel stands up that quick the stool falls to the ground and he’s out the door in seconds, ignoring the burn in his lungs as he runs to the building you were in, flinging the door open to see you bandaged up and hooked to an IV, eyes open and watching him. “Joel.”

The moment his name left your lips he was by your side, checking over your body and seeing if you were alive or if his mind was playing a cruel trick to deceive him. His hands held your hand, your free hand coming up shakily to wipe the tears that escaped his eyes, “didn't know you cared about me so much,” you say jokingly. Joels stare didn’t falter, “I do.” The seriousness in his voice giving you a comfort you didn’t know was possible from the day your dad died. “I believe you Joel.” Your eyes felt heavy as the pain medication dripped from the bag into the IV, flowing through your bloodstream, relieving your body of the pain. “Don't got enough damn blankets in here.” Joel huffs taking off his jacket and pulling it over you. “Get some sleep baby girl.” in your drug induce haze you reply, “mkay dad.” Emotion overcomes Joel as he starts to sing your favourite song;

“I'll be there for you

These five words, I swear to you

When you breathe, I want to be

The air for you

I'll be there for you

I'd live and I'd die for you

I'd steal the sun from the sky for you

Words can't say what love can do

I'll be there for you.”

#joelmiller #joelmillerfic #dadjoelmiller #teenreader #dad daughter #joelmiller dad vibes #fluff #angst #joelmiller angst #tlou #joel the last of us

[joeldjarin]

#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller fluff #joel miller hbo #joel miller imagine #pedropascal #pedrohub #husband!joelmiller #husband!joel miller #husband joel miller #husband!joel

[auteurdelabre]

So Much to Lose Chapter 3 Mean!Joel x f!Reader

So Much to Lose Chapter 3

Summary: Your second time on patrol with the recalcitrant Joel Miller proves... interesting.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 6.0k

Pairings: Mean!Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n, no physical descriptions) , Ellie x Dina (future chapters)

Warnings: Joel ain't nice. Hand job (m receiving), mentions of come, dirty talk.

A/N: I hope you like it and if you do please reblog and all that good shit. Thanks y'all!

masterlist

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Chapter 3: You make the rules, remember?

"It's a healthy baby boy!" 

There's a large round of applause in the cafeteria the next morning. Tommy is standing at the end of the long tables. Your book is spine -up next to your coffee cup.

"Douglas Joel Miller," Tommy announces. "Just over eight pounds."

You clap along with the rest of them, happy for Tommy and Maria. You love babies, so what's not to be happy about?

Maria is at home resting with their son and some friends Tommy says beaming, eyes wet as he's congratulated on all sides. 

You're still sick about yesterday. You'd had to throw away all those clothes. No amount of scrubbing had taken the dried blood out of it. You're convinced you can still smell it, the cloying, metallic scent lodged in your nostrils. It lingers even now, ruining the bites of egg that you push around your plate. The only thing saved was the red scarf, buried in the confines of your jacket. It hangs how it always has, on the hook by your front door. 

You watch Tommy accept the congratulations from everyone, looking strangely detached as they continue.  

You try to focus on the book in front of you, but the words slide over your eyes and your mind just back to yesterday. To the fear you felt at being exposed and vulnerable. How are you expected to do this week after week? 

You glance over to see Tommy smiling weakly and chatting with a group from the kitchen and you wonder if you can approach him about patrols. 

"Can I sit here?"

You glance up from your book to see the teenage girl from yesterday, Ellie, smirking down at you, holding a tray of food. A quick glance tells you there are a lot of empty seats left so she's chosen this one on purpose. You almost shake your head no, not desiring the company or the attention right now.  

But she kept your secret didn't she? She didn't tell Joel or anyone else about the greenhouse as far as you know.

After a moment's pause you nod, shifting your tray towards you and going back to your book. 

She sits abruptly, her tray clattering across from you. She doesn't have the usual breakfast food that others do. She has grilled cheese, a cup of milk and what looks like pudding. Strange girl. 

You'd assumed that your lack of engagement, your eyes on your book, your head tilted away from her that Ellie would get the message. She could sit with you for breakfast but that was it.  But from the moment she sits, she talks. 

"I love grilled cheese."

"Mmm."

"Never had it til I got here. Now I eat it whenever I can." Ellie takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully. 

"Mhmm."

"Before we got here it was Chef Boy-ar-dee ravioli every fucking night. You ever had it?"

"Can't say I have." You turn the page in your book. 

"Joel introduced me to it," Ellie says, taking another bite and not noticing when you tense up at his name. "You know Joel?"

"Nope," you lie.

The last thing you want is to talk about Joel Miller when you don't have to. You don't push for more information so the two of you continue to eat in silence. You know that Ellie is watching your face, silently studying you. 

"So do you always hide out in the greenhouse?" 

"No."

"Were you supposed to be in there?"

You sigh. "Nope." 

"Then why were you?"

You sigh again heavily, closing your book with a soft thwap. There will obviously be no more reading this morning. Not with your new guest sitting across from you with curious eyes. 

"I just wanted some quiet," you explain patiently. "I have. . . There's a lot going on for me and I feel safe when I'm in there."

There's something about Ellie's eyes that coaxes that truth out of you, the part about feeling safe.

"S' how I feel in the garage."

"The garage?"

"Joel's garage. Well, I guess it's like my place. No cars or anything here obviously. I've ridden in one though." She tells you this with pride. You hide a grin, amused. "I have it decorated exactly how I want and the bed is really comfy. Joel says I can do whatever I want in there except smoke."

"S'a bad habit," you acknowledge.

"Yeah, but that's where I feel safest. When I'm in there but I know Joel's just on the other side of the door if I need him."

You don't know what to say in reply to that. You can't imagine a world in which Joel Miller's presence would make you feel calm. 

Ellie chews thoughtfully a moment longer and you see the questions there in her dark eyes. 

"What was your favorite thing about before?"

"Before what?"

Ellie makes a motion around the room and you understand. She means before the outbreak. Before things changed. You ponder this a moment before smiling at the first thing that pops into your mind. 

"Pop Tarts."

"What the fuck is that?" Ellie asks wrinkling her nose. "Candy?"

"Breakfast pastry," you say with a fond look at the memory. "Strawberry filling. Delicious. Had one every day while I walked to school." 

Ellie is fascinated by this and you realize she'll never know a world that's not ravaged by plague. She'll never understand the freedom of your lost youth. 

"Have you had one since?"

"Nah," you shake your head. "But I like the memory of them. If I close my eyes and focus I can almost taste it."

You do so now, remembering the way your mom pulled them from the toaster warm and crispy. The way---

You stop, snapping your eyes open. You'd forgotten the inherent danger that came along with the lure of nostalgic memory. 

"Anyway..." 

Ellie sees something in your face and excuses herself, claiming she needs more milk. You just nod, about to open your book again when another shadow is cast.

Christ, when did you get so popular?

A woman, (Jennifer you think her name is?) is looking sweetly at you. She's just come over from a table of giggling young women. She's very beautiful. You often see her at the Tipsy Bison with whatever bachelor strikes her fancy. 

"Hey, are you on C Patrol?"

"I am," you nod. 

"The one with Joel Miller?" Jennifer says with a poorly concealed smirk. You give her a strained look, confused at the reaction. 

"Uh yeah."

"What's he like?" Jennifer is blushing prettily, trying not to giggle. 

"Serious."

Jennifer smiles again. A big, broad smile that makes her lovely face even lovelier. You hold in an eye roll. Oh, now you see where this is going. 

"I tried to get put on patrols with him," she confides, her voice dropping. "I'm on Patrol B."

What?

Here you are fighting tooth and nail to get away from Joel Miller and there's someone who actually wants to be on patrols with him? This is your answer to prayer, you're sure of it. 

"Why don't we switch then?" You ask, eyes bright. Jennifer looks beside herself with delight, her light eyes rounding. 

"Are you serious?"

"You can ask Tommy right now," you enthuse pointing at him on the opposite side of the room. "I'm totally fine with the swap."

"Really?" She looks delighted. 

"Really," you nod, trying not to look over eager. You’re worried she’ll grow suspicious of your exuberance but she just smiles and walks off quickly towards Tommy who looks deep in conversation with one of the women on perishables duty. 

You go back to your book just in time for Ellie to come back. You immediately notice her contraband; an additional glass of milk.

"Gonna get in trouble."

"Only if you say something," Ellie drawls. "But if you do I might just have to say something about a certain greenhouse..."

You shoot her an amused look before going back at your book. She seems to sense that you need quiet, glancing around the bustling canteen as you fall back into the pages of your book. 

You find yourself irritated when Jennifer saunters back to your table, interrupting the comfortable silence.

"He says that we have to stick with our original patrol partners," Jennifer says with a frown. "Says that they match partners up by skill." 

Joel is well known as the most skilled aside from Tommy. You can only assume this means you are the worst. You try not to look as devastated as you feel as you force a shrug. 

"Oh well, you tried."

You expect her to leave but Jennifer lingers looking torn. 

"Maybe if you ask Joel directly?" She hedges, trying not to sound desperate and feeling miserably. "Maybe then he could talk to Tommy himself?"

From the corner of your gaze you catch Ellie giving you a wary look, the walls behind her eyes being rebuilt with every word Jennifer says.

"You're welcome to talk to Joel," you reply smoothly. "You can tell him I'm fine with the swap. Eager for it, actually."

You don't miss the hard look that's come into Ellie's eyes now. You regret lying to her before. 

Jennifer looks thoughtful before nodding. "Okay, maybe I will. Thanks."

She gives a wave before sauntering off towards a group of her giggling friends. You hold in an eye roll and open your book. 

Ellie is still staring at you. "I thought you said you didn't know Joel."

"Didn't want to hurt your feelings," you admit, not looking up from the page. "He and I don't exactly see eye to eye."

"Not a lotta people do with Joel," Ellie relents, tilting back in her seat to stare at you. "He's tough to get through to."

And yet she did. This tiny teenage girl who talks too much and asks so many questions.

How?

You consider asking before you realize you really don't care to know Joel Miller. So far you've seen nothing about him that seems worth getting to know. 

"Yeah, well he seems to have a very specific distaste for me," you say poking at your eggs. 

"Don't take it personally," Ellie tells you as if she is full of sage wisdom. "Joel's all bark no bite."

You don't believe that for a second. You think of the dead doe. You think of the blood soaking through your clothes. You think of how he said not one word to you the entire way home. 

"Just a personality conflict," you end on. You want to go back to your book but feel Ellie's eyes still on you. 

"You wanna know how to make Joel like you?"

Not particularly.

"Sure."

"Don't lie to him. Or me," Ellie says. "We can't stand liars."

You don't know me, you think curious that this girl has chosen to open up to you at all. What makes you think you can trust me at all?

A girl with a long, glossy black braid stops by the table ending your conversation. Her dark eyes immediately alight to Ellie's second milk helping. 

"Is that your second one?" The girl asks, her face cloudy. "You know you're not supposed to take extra."

"Fuck off, Dina," Ellie snaps, her eyes flashing. 

"I should tell Tommy," Dina says with a narrowing of her dark eyes. 

"Go on then," Ellie dares her. 

"She got it for me," you break in, plucking the milk from Ellie's tray. "I didn't get one yet."

Dina's eyes sail to you but her scowl remains. She gives your tray a once-over before rolling her eyes. 

"She's so annoying," Ellie says rolling her eyes and digging back into her breakfast. 

Yet her eyes linger on the girl as she strides past your table to join another group of teens at the far end of the cafeteria. There's a pink to Ellie's cheeks that doesn't go unnoticed by you. But just as she kept your secret, you will keep hers.

She sits with you a few minutes longer watching you read before she gives a quick goodbye and marches out into the day. You're relieved to be away from her scrutiny. 

Tommy passes several groups before he notices you hunched over your breakfast. You look up in time to see him slide into the seat Ellie was just occupying. With a sharp sigh you slip your paperback into your coat pocket. Fuck reading today apparently. 

"Hey there, how was your first patrol?"

Your initial reaction is to tell him everything in detail. How horrible Joel is, how you never want to do patrols again. That you need to get switched to another job because patrols aren't for you. Instead you give a timid shrug. 

"I'm not very good at it."

Tommy is amused, the curve his cheek crinkling as he chuckles. "I'm sure that's not true."

"Go ahead and ask your brother," you mutter, frowning. 

"I did. He didn't say anything about you being bad at it."

This is surprising. When you and Joel had arrived back at Jackson with the doe he hadn't said two words to you. Just grunted at you when you dropped your end of the carcass and told him you were leaving. 

You squint at Tommy for a moment trying to decipher what game Joel is playing at. You decide that perhaps he didn't want to worry his brother. That he wanted Tommy to think that patrols went well because Tommy had enough to worry about with his son being born. 

"So are you still gonna switch patrols with him then?" You ask lightly, trying not to sound eager. "Now that the baby's here safe?"

Tommy's normally playful eyes are soulful. You read concern there. You read fear. They drop to the knotted wood of the table.

"Not for a bit," Tommy says honestly. His voice drops to a quiet whisper, not wanting to be overheard. "Didn't want to tell everyone but Maria's not doing so good."

Concern gnaws at your lower belly. "She sick?"

Tommy's long fingers begin picking away at a chip in the table that doesn't exist. You wait for him to continue, holding the silence there. 

"In a way, kinda. She uh, she doesn't really wanna see the baby. S'why her friends are over there now with him."

You recognize this, the sign of a whispered malady that has followed women of all races across centuries. You cannot imagine the impact of giving birth to a child who will live in captivity amongst an undead world. You cannot imagine the mental toll it would take. 

You're not demonstrative by nature, especially with people you don't know well. But you see the welling of Tommy's dark eyes and something behind your ribs cracks. 

You reach across the table and place your hand over his. "Tommy I get it. You don't have to say anything else. My aunt ... She uh, she had a hard time too after my cousin was born."

"Yeah?"

You nod, taking your hand back when you feel eyes on you from other tables. Tommy's expression has changed, the tears blinked back as he straightens. 

"Yeah well. Hope its okay if Joel keeps bein' your partner for a little bit longer."

"Sure," you nod. You have no desire to concern him further with it. "Yeah, that's fine, Tommy. No problem."

Tommy hears his name being called and you wave him off. You watch his long legs scissor across the canteen as you feel your stomach drop. 

///

A week goes by so quickly. A week of reading, of brisk morning walks, of tea with some of the girls that rise early like you. 

But before long its back to patrol day and you wake with that same sickly sensation in your stomach. Breakfast is swallowed down with force. 

You trudge towards the main gates of Jackson City with a new jacket pulled tight around you. This one is heavier and welcome as the chill increases daily. Snow is on its way to Wyoming. 

You wave at the men who patrol the main gate today, Peter and Hank. The three of you chat politely even though your stomach is churning. 

You turn when you hear the sound of hooves. Joel is approaching with two horses in tow, much to your confusion. 

"Horses?" You ask when he nears. "We didn't-"

"First patrol is always on foot," Joel explains gruffly handing you the reigns if the light brown horse. "Helps you understand the land better."

You look over the animal at your shoulder, eyes fixed on the deep brown of its iris. You muse that it looks as nervous as you feel. 

"Names Chestnut," Hank tells you. "He's one of the sweet ones." 

"Hi there beautiful boy," you murmur gently, your hand going to the soft of the animals nose. "We'll take care of each other out there today, huh?"

You smile when he snuffles your palm before he tries to lick your fingers. 

You glance over when you feel Joel's dark eyes fixed on you and the horse. He looks away promptly and you watch him mount his own horse, a mighty looking black creature with a serious countenance. 

"What's that one’s name?"

"Get on."

Great, he's irritated with you already. It's going to be a long day. You sigh before pulling yourself up onto the already saddled horse with ease. Chestnut gives a small whinny before settling. 

Joel looks momentarily surprised, brows raising a fraction and you know it's because he assumed you'd be useless at this too. But you're an experienced horseback rider, have been since you were a kid.

It secretly pleases you to surprise Joel. To show him there’s a lot you're good at.

"Black ones name is Midnight," Hank tells you with a friendly wink as he comes to unlatch the gate. "Asshole riding him is called Joel."

You hold in a bubble of laughter as Joel sidles alongside you, handing you a gun that you sling over your back. You don't shrink under the weight of it this time, in fact you straighten. 

Atop the mighty Chestnut you feel braver. Safer. If something comes for you, you'll see it. This high up you feel so much better. You follow Joel out the gates on his horse, clicking your tongue and tugging gently at the reins. 

Chestnut gives you extra confidence today. You follow Joel to do the perimeter check first, eyes scanning around you. You hear Joel gently click his tongue and then you're both off towards the village. 

You ride in silence, buoyed by the knowledge that Joel can't critique about how you ride. Instead, you take your time to observe your surroundings. You take in the crisp air and the bent trees you pass. 

"Good boy," you murmur every now and then to Chestnut, giving him soft pats as you ride. 

You take in Joel's broad shoulders moving ahead of you on Midnight, looking like a modern cowboy in his brown leather jacket. He doesn't spare any kind words for his horse. You wonder how Ellie can stand him. 

When you arrive at Teton village an few hours later you're almost in a good mood. It's been nice riding today. The thought that this will be a weekly thing for you no longer intimidates you. Yeah Joel will be there, but if interactions are kept to a minimum then there's no reason that you can't get through this. 

You dismount outside the large house, the outpost, like last time. Joel scans the house, dark hand over dark eyes to shield from the sun. He murmurs something to himself. 

He moves to tie the horses up, showing you how to tie off their reigns to the tree outside. You watch even though you already know how, nodding and then follow him to the door of the large old building. 

"Remember the code?"

You'd written it down the second you got home last week, forcing yourself to commit it to memory. You nod again, quickly turning the numbers to the pattern Joel showed you last time. You hide your relieved grin when it unlocks on the first turn.

You glance at Joel from under your lashes, half expecting praise or even a smile. Of course you receive neither. He simply tugs the door open and enters. 

In your haste to follow you trip over a fallen board at the threshold, crashing into his solid back. Joel shrugs you off irritably and you stumble back.  

"Sorry was-"

"Shut up," Joel hisses, raising a finger to his lips. His voice drops to a whisper. "I hear somethin'."

All your previous bravado vanishes, left back outside with the horses. 

You swallow a whimper, sticking close to him as he pulls the gun from its holster. You do the same, knowing it's more for show then anything. 

You follow directly behind Joel as he wanders through the rooms, occasionally stepping on the back of his shoes when he stops abruptly. When you do that he elbows you harshly in the ribs to get you behind him at a good distance. You wince, your fear keeping you close by. Knowing that he's worse than a clicker but he's your only hope. 

Finally you reach what he's been searching for. A broken window in the library, glass shattered inside along with what looks like a tree branch. The recent windstorm must have caused the branch to smash through the window. It makes a hollow whistling sound, likely what tipped Joel off. 

Relief floods you when Joel re-holsters his gun, his fears allayed for the time being. He strides past you to the old storage room. 

You follow after him, nodding when he points at the log book and pencil. 

"You remember what to do."

You scrawl your name into the log as Joel watches on. You two take a seat as Joel brings out the sandwiches and Thermos of coffee to share. As you did last time you eat in silence, your eyes everywhere but his direction. 

It makes you think of lunch with Ellie and your interaction with Jennifer. You think about bringing both up with Joel but decide against it. 

Instead you dart a look at him from under your hair, hoping he doesn't notice. You watch him sip his black coffee, the lid dwarfed by his large hand. You watch the flex of his jaw when he chews. You wonder what kind of work he did before the outbreak. Judging by his frame and calloused fingers you imagine a mechanic or electrician. 

He gives you a curious look when he catches you looking at him and you quickly clear your throat. 

"I like riding the horses here better than walking." When Joel doesn't reply you feel compelled to keep talking. "Chestnut is especially nice. Do we always ride the same horses or-"

"Do you ever stop talkin'?"

You want to point out that you've barely talked to him at all this entire trip but you have no desire to start a fight. Instead you clamp your lips together, cheeks burning and anger and embarrassment. 

After lunch you both stand and as you wipe the crumbs of your sandwich off on your jeans, you watch as Joel scrolls his name into the log. He hands you the solitary pencil. 

"Make a note in the log about the cracked window in the southeast corner. S'what we do. Then we report back so the next week they give us supplies to repair it or send others out to do it."

"Okay." 

You bend over the log book, clutching the pencil tightly between your fingers. You try to write neatly, attempting to make your normally pinched handwriting legible. 

You're not expecting Joel to be so close to you when you finish and back up. It takes you by surprise. He's come over to check that you filled in the log correctly and when you back into his solid form you let out a yelp before the pencil is dropped, disappearing between the cracks of the old floorboard. 

"For fucks sake-"

Joel rolls his eyes as you drop to the ground. You know that something like this will make him hate you more. And for some unknown reason this creates a wash of anxiety to cascade over you. 

"Shit shit shit."

You're desperate to retrieve the pencil; you even think you could grab it if the floorboards were a bit more spaced apart. You pull at them, chipping one of your nails in process. You hiss pulling back sharply and swearing under your breath.

After several minutes of trying to retrieve it you give up, your face red from excursion and humiliation. You’re swallowing angry tears. It's not the end of the world. There are other pencils that exist but your actions just erased all the goodwill you thought you were building. 

But maybe there was none to be built upon because Joel is staring down at you darkly, his hands stemmed at his waist. 

"You've been a fucking thorn in my side every fucking moment of today," Joel grimaces. 

He's so unfair. He's overlooking every good thing you've done today. Every silent test you've passed. Anger flares within you, a small flame that quickly builds to a towering inferno. You bring yourself to a stand, eyes flashing. 

"Maybe if you weren't such a miserable assh-"

The word isn't even halfway out of your mouth when his hand is at the collar of your jacket, just as it had been that first patrol. But now he's using it to push instead of pull. Shoving you into the wall beside the table with its chipped paint and exposed brick. It bites into your back despite your thick jacket. Your toes scrape the floor and your hands go to his fist trying to pull it from your collar, but his grip is vice-like. 

He lowers his face close to yours, his hot peanut butter and coffee-laced breath huffing over your cheeks. 

"You watch how you speak to me." 

"Those my orders for today then?" You scoff sarcastically, feet trying to find purchase on the floorboards below. 

He pushes you harder against the wall, your spine flush with its crumbling interior and you wince. 

"Fucking smart mouth," Joel rasps. "Should teach you a lesson."

He'd said it to be intimidating. To scare you into submission so he could continue patrols without having to worry about you doing something stupid. 

But then the words hung between you both and your reaction wasn't to cower. In fact, even in the dim light of the flashlight he could see the way your pupils overtook your eyes, like tiny blackened moons. 

"Are you going to?"

"Going to what?"

"Teach me a lesson?"

Joel is very still. So still you wonder if he's still breathing. His dark eyes scan your face, trying to read your intentions. 

"You want me to?" 

Joel's hand hasn't released you, hasn't softened at all. But he's curious, that much is clear. 

"You give the orders, Joel, not me," you whisper with more confidence than you actually feel. "Remember?"

Joel stares at you for what feels like hours. As if time has lost all meaning, lengthening or shortening at his whim. 

You wait for him to yell, to bark out something sinister or cruel. You wait for him to turn away, ignoring you. You receive neither. You instead watch as Joel tilts his frame back from you, gazing down at you through heavy lids. 

His hand lowers from your collar and you slump slightly forward from the wall. Your feet gain purchase and you straighten. He's testing you, you think. Seeing if now that he's released you from his grip if you'll run. 

But you don't. You continue to stand there, making it perfectly clear that you have no desire to flee. And this registers with him. He sways slightly, sucking his teeth quietly as his eyes drift down your body.

"Take me out of my pants," he rasps, looking at your mouth with no intention of kissing it. 

You take a moment to look for any guile in his expression. When you see none, you drop your eyes to his middle and fumble at his belt, your hands trembling. He watches your face as you pop open the button of his jeans and lower his zipper. You swallow as your trembling hand slides between the band of his boxers and his taut abdomen.

He's so warm. 

You feel his belly jerk at the sensation of your lowering hand and you bite back a gasp when you feel him already rock hard beneath your palm. You wish it wasn't so dark in this room because you'd like to see the gold of the skin there. To see if it matches the color of his hands or face.

You tug him free of his boxers, letting his heavy cock and balls hang over the band. Just the thought of it makes your mouth water.

He watches you carefully from under his dark lashes. 

"Make me come."

Simple instructions. You like that. 

You lick your lips nervously, shocked when Joel grips your wrist tightly, drawing your hand to his face and tilting it. There's a moment of true confusion on your part before Joel spits into it your hand. You watch with wide eyes as Joel begins rubbing his saliva into your palm with his wide thumb. 

You're disgusted.

You're aroused. 

You use the spit in your palm along Joel's shaft, watching his eyes shutter momentarily. Both of his hands are now palm flat against the wall next to your head, boxing you in on either side. 

His hips thrust into your slick palm and you give a soft shuddering exhale as you begin to work over him, taking control. 

"More around the head," Joel tells you grunting. Just like on patrols he leads and you follow. 

You do as he says, slipping your palm along the head to feel sticky precum already beading there. 

You use it as an aid, a natural lubricant, twisting your hand slightly as you go. You watch his face, trying to see what he likes. Right now his face is relaxed with his eyes shut lightly. Your left hand goes to his side, holding his jacket pocket as your other hand slides along his twitching member

"Like this?"

He makes a little humming noise to indicate you're doing it correctly. You smile to yourself tilting forward slightly to catch the noise. He's coming closer, his cock sliding quickly between your fingers. 

"Your hand's soft."

You think Joel must have said this by accident, because it’s murmured so softly and his eyes crack open as soon as the words hit the air. You realize that it's the first positive thing Joel's ever said to you since you met him.  

You smile up at him, rewarded with a gentle smirk at the right corner of his mouth from him before he catches himself and it vanishes. 

"Don't," he tells you with a frown. 

"What?"

"Don't look at me."

You're taken aback when one wide hand comes to cover your eyes. Its sudden blackness startles you into dropping his cock. 

“What’re you-“

"I told you to make me come," Joel growls from behind gritted teeth. "So fucking do it."

Joel's free hand grips yours, thrusting his hard cock back into your palm. You take it, your eyes still in darkness. Without sight you're stuck with only your remaining senses. He smells like wood and sweat and leather from his jacket.

You focus on Joel's breathing now, noting it increase as your hand continues working on him, your fingers moving deftly around his shaft. He breathes through his nose, occasionally swallowing.

"Quick learner," Joel observes with a murmur as you swivel your wrist. 

You nod, your face rasping against his palm. Your eyes are shut tightly, he doesn't need to cover them but you think that this must make him feel better. Must make him feel more in control. 

"Much better at this than shooting," Joel says condescendingly in the darkness. You think you can almost feel the words being huffed against your mouth. "Turns out your hands were just made for handling cocks, not guns."

You scowl. 

"Or maybe it's because you're not getting mad a-"

The rest of your sentence is cut off as two of Joel's large fingers come to either side of your mouth, pinching it shut. Your hand falls from his cock and you imagine it hangs there between his legs heavy and twitching.

His other hand is still covering your eyes so the result is no vision and no breathing through your mouth. It's rather disorienting. 

"None a' that," Joel rasps from above you. "No smart mouth unless you want it fucked dumb."

You're body jerks at this quiet proclamation. 

I do.

No. I don't.

I do,

No, I can't. I don't.

Stripes of light peek through parted fingers as his hand drops from your slowly opening eyes. 

"You do," Joel concludes your internal debate as his eyes swim over your face. His voice, always low and graveled sounds measured, unsure. 

"You want me to fuck that smart mouth?"

You don't say anything. You can't. He releases your lips. His heavy hand reaches for yours, twisting it back around the shaft in the way he likes. He holds your hand there, fucking himself into it. 

"You want me to stuff your mouth full 'a my cock?" Joel grinds out as he thrusts forward into your waiting hand. His wider one surrounds yours, fingers practically lacing. 

You can't help but let out a whimper. Joel's hands go back to the wall above your shoulders and his hips cant forward jerkily. 

Your hand begins moving faster and faster over the length of his throbbing cock, your own erratic panting matching that of Joel's. He's looking down into your face now, something in it unlocked. 

"Fuckin' that pretty mouth," Joel grunts, his cock pistining in your grip as he stares at your parted lips. "Coming down your throat."

You whimper. Why is this so arousing to you? Why do the things that Joel is saying turn you on so much? Because you dislike him so much that this feels taboo? Because for once Joel isn't critical of something you're doing? 

Before you can question it further you feel him swell and pulse in your grip. He spills himself over your knuckles in warm spurts as he lets out a shuddering groan, the warmth of it buffering over your forehead. 

You're so still as you stand there watching Joel. You watch him breathing heavily through his nose, the grim set of his mouth as he stares at his softening cock in your hand.

Reality sets in. What you've done and who with.  

Without thinking you're moving, twisting and scrambling to get away from him. Needing to leave this crumbling room and Joel's haunted gaze. 

Your feet make thudding noises over the warped floorboards, matching in tempo to your rapid heartbeat. 

You burst out the front door into the cool afternoon and feel it chill your fevered cheeks. You take several deep breaths, trying to stop the gallop of your heartbeat. 

What did you just do? 

And with Joel?

You drag your hand through the snow, wiping the proof of your altercation from your skin. You move to Chestnut, resting your forehead against his side. You let the steady breathing of the animal soothe your frazzled nerves. 

Joel comes out moments later, completely composed and dressed. He gives you a sharp look. 

"Time to head back." 

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #joel miller fanfiction #smut #joel miller smut #joel miller #dad joel miller #fanfiction #fanfic #mean!Joel #Mean!JoelMiller #jackson city #joel the last of us #joel miller x f!reader #slow burn #enemies to lovers #angst with a happy ending

[anama-cara]

The Healer: Bargaining finale (part 5/5)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4. Joel Masterlist

Raider!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary: You finally reach the doctor's house with Joel and your sick little brother and you show Joel your appreciation. Reader's thoughts in italics. Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: 18+ mdni, sickness/fever, age gap, unprotected PIV

a/n: I wasn't sure how to end this. At first I had a much darker ending but I decided that I liked these characters too much so I added some *feelings*. Please let me know what you think

You had awoken to the sounds of birds chirping and soft breathing. Joel’s arm was draped over your waist and his hand rested on your stomach. It was pleasantly warm. In your mind you pretended that you were sleeping next to someone who actually cared. You imagined it was real. That you could have a companion that loved and protected you, that you could wake up like this next to them in the mornings. It was a nice daydream, but just that. That kind of dream didn’t exist in this new world, nothing good survived. And you certainly had no hope of finding a good man like that to love you.

Joel’s arm twitched in his sleep and you were pulled from your daydream and into your memories from the night before. How his lips felt on your neck, how his hands felt on your body, how his voice sounded as he said your name, how his fingers felt inside you.

For a moment you keep your eyes closed to the world and sink into the comforting feeling. Listening to the songbirds, letting the first rays of sunlight filtering through the tree dance over your closed lids, feeling Joel’s chest rise and fall against your back. You draink it all in, you hadn’t experienced a moment this peaceful in a long time.

There’s a rustle from the sleeping bag across the fire and you jump. Shit. What are you thinking?

You remind yourself that this is Joel, the leader of the band of raiders that terrorizes your countryside. He is not a good man, even if he is helping you, which he really isn’t, this is on just his way.  Suddenly you feel shame, you can’t believe that you let him make you cum, let him hold you, sleep beside you. You curse yourself for being so foolish and letting yourself go last night.

Sleeping beside a fucking criminal, a bully, a killer. A fucking menace. What the hell were you thinking?

You wriggle out of the bag and jump to your feet. To your relief your little brother just rolls over, still sounds asleep. You let out a breath.

“Scared of getting caught?” Joel’s voice is rough with sleep but you can hear the smile on his lips.

“Come on get up,” you kick him in his sleeping bag. “The sun is up we gotta go.”

“Ok bossy,” he grumbles as he rubs his palms over his eyes with an exaggerated yawn.

You wake up your brother as Joel packs up the camp and you’re heading out for the last leg of your journey before the sun is fully risen.

---

You’d been diligently following a few yards behind Joel, carrying your brother in your arms. He seems to get weaker with every step. In the last mile he doesn’t even respond to you when you call his name. He’s just limp in your arms and you can feel his fever burning through his clothing. You make a desperate sound as you try to shake him awake.

Joel’s head whips back. “What’s wrong?” He turns and retreats back to you.

“He won’t wake up,” your voice trembles as you’re trying not to panic. You hold back the tears that threaten to brim over.

“Jesus sweetheart why didn’t you say somethin.” He moves to take the boy from your arms but your grip tightens.

“What are you doing?” There’s fear in your accusation.

His eyes rack over your face, reading your expression. “You don’t trust me,” he says flatly but his expression almost looks hurt. He takes a breath and a hard expression returns to his face. “We gotta move a whole lot faster. If you don’t want him to die we gotta get to the house and get this fever to break.” Joel takes your brother from your arms and you don’t fight him this time. He takes off in a jog and you run after him, trying to keep up.

--

The house looks similar to yours, farmhouse style with a big front porch. Its white paint is peeling and there are a few cracked windows on the top floor but in all its still in good condition. As you come up the dirt drive you see a thin man in his late 60s watching from the window. After he sees the boy Joel is carrying, he disappears from the window only to reappear in the doorway. He sets his rifle down on the table and comes out onto the porch to meet you.

“Joel,” the man gives a stiff nod in greeting. His eyes dart to you then back to Joel.

“Doc,” Joel gives a nod. There’s respect but no friendliness there. Joel dips his head in your direction, “This here’s one of your neighbors, and this is her little brother. He’s got a bad fever and needs your help.” The doctor narrows his eyes at you and Joel, but when he looks down at the child in Joel’s arms his expression softens. “Of course, bring him in.”

You follow the him inside and Joel sets the boy down on the couch. The old man looks at you, “I’ll require a payment of course. What supplies have you brought to offer?”

“What I don’t, I-“ you stammer in a panic but Joel interrupts you.

“You and I will discuss payment later. You help him first.”

The man’s gaze shifts from you to Joel, he pauses a moment then nods in agreement. “Very well. But if he needs antibiotics the price will be doubled. Upstairs.”

Joel carries your brother upstairs and sets him in the bathtub. “Out,” the doc instructs him then turns to you. “You, undress him and fill the bath. Lukewarm. We’ll try to bring his temperature down. I’ll go get him a glass of water, we need to keep him well hydrated.” You tend to your brother for hour before the fever finally breaks. You help dress him and carry him to a bed in one of the guest bedrooms on the top floor. You go to sit beside him but the doc shoos you from the room. “No, he needs rest, out, out.” Exhausted you return downstairs and plop down onto the couch.

You must have been drifting off because you’re startled when the cushion sinks as a weight sits down next to you.  

“Doc is gonna give him some medicine, says he’s got pneumonia. You didn’t hear him coughing?”

You blink, quickly trying to gather your thoughts. “Umm, yeah, I did, I just thought it was part of a cold, you know cause its winter, I mean he always starts coughing when it gets colder. I didn’t think much of it, I was just thinking of his fever. I should have paid more attention.” Your voice tightens.

“No, sweetheart that’s not what I meant,” he trails of looking frustrated then leans back into the couch. “Doesn’t matter, it’s gonna be fine, he’ll get better now.”

“Joel, how much did he ask for? He said the medicines were expensive.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But-“

“I said don’t worry about it. I took care of it.”

You swallow, “thank you.”

His head turns to look at you, and eyebrow raised in surprise.

Tentatively you reach out and lay a hand on top of his, trying to express your appreciation. “I’m serious Joel. Thank you.”

The corner of his mouth twitches and he turns to face forward again. He lets out a sigh and leans his head back into the couch, closing his eyes and casually relaxing. You’ve never seen him like this. “Doc also said the boy needs rest so we’re gonna stay the night and leave tomorrow. Said we can sleep upstairs in the other guest room down the hall. I think he likes ya’ never seen him so generous before.”

You blink. We? “What about your mission? I thought you were supposed to meet up with your men today for a job?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “They’ll assume I got held up. They can do it without me.”

“Joel if you need to leave-“

He opens one eye to look at you. “There’s no place I’d rather be right now sweetheart.”

You swallow and gather some courage. “Joel,” you say hesitantly. “Why are you helping me? Why tell us about the doctor, why escort us, why pay for the medicine, why be… nice to me?”

He turns to face you fully now, his hand strokes your cheek then returns to grip your hand. You instinctively tense and go to pull your hand away but you stop as his eyes lock on yours. “Don’t you get it sweetheart?”

“What?” you reply a bit breathlessly. His eyes are making you nervous.

“I care for ya.”

You feel your heartbeat quicken and you’re silent for a moment as you let his words sink in. What the fuck?

“I know, I’m sorry for how we first met, I shouldn’ta done that, but-“

“Y-you care for me?” You can barely get the words out.

Joel shakes his head. “I shouldn’ta said nothin.” He moves his hand from yours. “No, wait-“ you reach out and grip his retreating hand. Why are you holding his hand? Why is your heart aching? Why do you want him to stay?

But despite the thoughts running through your head your body is acting. You shift closer to him and your hand that reached out to hold his is now slowly moving up his forearm in a gentle caress. Joel closes his eyes for a moment at your touch. You silently urge him to continue.

“Sweetheart I know I fucked up. You were so good to me and I didn’t treat you right. I know I don’t deserve ya.” He is looking into your eyes now, desperation in his eyes. “But I swear I wanna do right by ya. I wanna be there for you, protect you, be with you.”

You don’t break away from his gaze as you move closer still. You’re just inches away from him, almost touching his chest as he stares down at you.

“I want you” he whispers.

And finally you speak the truth that you know is in your heart. “You already have me Joel.”

Your hand glides up his arm and presses against his hard chest as you lean forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It’s tender and sweet and like nothing either thought you’d ever experience again in this fucked up world.

You lift your body from the couch to move fully into his lap now, straddling him. Your hands wrap around his face and you lean into him, deepening the kiss and pushing him back against the couch. His hands grip at your hips and you can feel his bulge underneath you. Instinctually you rock your hips into him and he groans in your mouth. You break the kiss and nip at his neck before sliding out of his lap and onto the floor between his feet. You kneel between his legs and look up at him, one hand rubbing circles over his knee. He’s looking down at you, slumped in the couch. You smirk as you watch his tummy rise and fall with each heavy breath. He spreads his legs more and you shuffle closer to him on your knees.

A wicked smile curves on his lips, “You gonna show me just how grateful you are now? This how ya thank me?”

You nod vigorously and reach out for his belt just as you hear the floor creak upstairs. You jump up and throw yourself onto the couch, lounge back and trying to act casual. Joel lets out a barking laugh at the panic in your eyes. “I didn’t know anyone could move that fast sweetheart,” he laughs as he pats your knee. Your heart is beating fast, you completely forgot there was someone else in this house. You were about to suck Joel off in the middle of someone else’s living room while they were just a few rooms away and could walk in at any moment.

Joel smirks and grabs your hand, pulling you up. “Come on.”  He leads you up the stairs and down the hall to the guest bedroom. “Goodnight doc, see you tomorrow,” he calls out loudly then winks at you as he shuts the door and pulls you towards the bed.

He pushes you down with his hands on your shoulders. He stands before you, tall and strong, dark eyes looking down at you and you feel yourself start to get wet. He reaches for his back and grabs his flannel, pulling it off over his head. Quickly he undoes his belt and drops his boxers and jeans in one go. He steps out of his pants and stands before you, completely naked, looking like a freaking god. You’ve never seen his body before, usually he tells you to strip and he remains fully clothed. This new imbalance has your blood pumping and your core clenching. You gulp as he closes the gap between you and scoops his hands under your arms to lift you and push you all the way up onto the bed. He lays over your body, face just a few inches above yours, dark eyes scanning yours. His hand reaches down between you to undo your pants and he pulls back for just a moment to pull your pants and underwear from your body. You take this opportunity to quickly shed your shirt before he’s back over your again. He rests on his elbows and his hands come up to cradle your face, fingers intertwining in your hair as his lips crash into yours, desperate and needy and hot. You whimper against him and he pulls back after a moment.

“Joel I need you, now.”

“Sweetheart I don’t wanna hurt you again. Lemme help stretch you first, get ya ready to take me.” His hand reaches down, trailing over your skin as he moves down your body.

“Joel, I’m ready now.”

His hand moves between your legs and he grins as his fingers reach your wetness. He rubs against your clit with two fingers. “Yeah you are. So wet for me already, fuck.” He plants a kiss to your neck, sucking at your soft skin as his other hands wraps around his cock and guides it to your entrance. You suck in a breath, tensing as you brace for the pain and the stretch, used to Joel shoving into you. But this time he doesn’t. He takes his time, slowly pushing into you inch by inch, letting your body adjust. He groans, fully inside you and you can’t help looking down between you. You watch as he moves his hips and slides in and out of you easily. He catches you staring and smirks, “like that? Want it faster sweetheart?” You nod, unable to speak, and he jerks his hips, hitting something deep inside you causing your head to fall back into the pillows. Your back arches as he sets his new pace and you groan. It doesn’t take long for you to feel your orgasm building. Your hands are gripping the sheets and you’re shaking your head and moaning as it takes over you. Your body spasms under Joel’s and he holds you down with his forearm across your chest. “Fucking bronco, hang on sweetheart I’m almost there.” He continues thrusting into you as you come down from your high and after a few more deep movements he’s spilling inside you, warmth spreading through your core. His breathing is ragged and he collapses on top of you, bodies flush against each other. He tucks you in his arms then rolls both of you to the side so he’s lying behind you, cradling you in his arms.

He kisses your hair from behind. “So fucking good.” He murmurs.

You lay together like that for a long time until your both starting to drift off.

“Joel, I-, I”

“I know sweetheart, everything will be just fine now.”

You smile to yourself as you drift off, comforted by the idea that for the first time since the world fell apart you think the next day will be a better one.

#dark!joel miller x reader #raider!joel #tlou fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller the last of us #joel x reader smut #joel miller #raider x f!reader #raider!joelmiller #raider joel miller #raider joel #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x female reader #post outbreak joel #joel miller angst #joel x you #joel x reader

[pixi3h0ll0w]

Ultraviolence

Warnings: angst, ellie leaving to go find Abby and kill her, mentions of death, reader is Dina’s sister, let’s just say your gonna cry.

You were woken up by a noise downstairs, looking to the other side of the bed to wake Ellie up you were only met with an empty side of the bed and the you realized ellie was the one downstairs.

You shook your head lightly smiling walking downstairs, “el what’d I say about making midnight snacks—" you stopped frowning Ellie had a bag she was leaving?

“Oh god.” You let out a choked sob, “Ellie—“ Ellie knew what you were going to say so she stopped you. “Don’t, make this harder then it has to be.” You walk up to her, “don’t do this Ellie please.”

“I have to, I have to finish it.”

You stopped the scar on your stomach was showing from where Abby had stabbed you when you had risked your life for Ellie’s, it meant nothing. “Joel is dead, Ellie he’s not coming back you killing this girl will mean nothing .” You seethe and Ellie scoffs at you.

“It’ll mean she’s dead.” She says turning back around as you grab her chin making her look at you, “el— I love you, everything I did in Seattle was for you.”

“If you go.. how do I know your not dead somewhere hm? How do I know I’m not wasting away my life waiting for you?!” You shove her a bit. “I don’t plan on dying.”

“Yeah? Well neither did Joel, Jesse, or Dina.” Your words wound her because your right they didn’t want to die. Dina and Jesse had their hole lives ahead of them, and Joel.. he was meant to always be here.

“I’m not like you y/n I can’t eat I can’t sleep—" you stop her angry and upset, “my sister died trying to save you she lost her boyfriend and her baby along with her life!”

“Joel wouldn’t want this.” Ellie pressed your foreheads together. “You know he would do the same for me.” Her voice was so calm and yours was shaking.

“No, no..” you sobbed clinging onto her coat only for her to kiss your forehead and grab her bag, “you go— I’m not gonna do this again.”

“Then don’t.” She says looking at you one last time before turning away and walking out the door leaving you there broken hearted and all alone.

I’m so sorry for this!! I was feeling a lil angsty and got carried away…. Love y’all ?? Forgive me <3

#smut #elliewilliamssmut #tlou2 #joelmiller #the last of us #pedro pascal #ellie williams #bella ramsey #joel miller #fluff #angst #elliewilliams angst #ellie Williams x reader

[misspearly1]

One Year Anniversary Celebration Post

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

WC: 3.1K

Summary: No one is spared the difficulty and hardship of a rough patch in a relationship. Couples are bound to experience it at some point, it's expected, but when you're going through an exceptionally hard rough patch with your partner Joel, so bad that it seems all hope is lost, is there a chance that your relationship can be saved? Or is it too late?

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Relationship issues. Joel yelling at reader. Mentions of prior arguments. ANGST with a happy ending. Lots of kissing, apologising and making up. Smut. Mentions of self-pleasure. A little bit of nipple play. Unprotected PIV sex. Fluff.

AN: Ok ya'll. I'm not usually into angst, or particularly good at writing it, but I wanted to change things up a little and give it a go with some real-life issues. Arguments in a relationship is a natural thing, so I started off there. I added a little twist in this story too, just because I felt like it hehehe. I hope you enjoy the read, my loves.

Song Appreciation: I don't usually add this sort of thing, but I wanted to add a couple songs that I listened to while writing this story up. They put in those angsty feels, and they're just beautiful pieces of music too! Turning Page by Sleeping at Last. State Lines by Novo Amor. Where's My Love by SYML.

-

Rough patches in relationships are a scary thing. It’s frightening to not know if there’s an end to the constant battling. It’s depressing when it feels like you have reached your limit and are ready to throw in the towel.   

That’s the sort of rough patch that you face with your partner, Joel. Somethings off between you both, it’s been building for months now, you can feel it, but every time you bring it up with him, he just brushes it off. Brushes you off. Today, you are feeling that familiar emotion of ‘checking out’ of the relationship after trying to talk things out with him again and it terrifies you. It terrifies you so much that you’ve almost become numb to it. 

It started off in the morning with something minor when he awoke in a bad mood. The man’s entitled to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you’ve had your fair share in the past before, but to wake up and take that anger out on you is different. Every little thing was annoying him today and instead of taking a minute to cool off or understanding the source of what was bothering him so much, he yelled at you when you asked if he was okay. 

To an extent, you understand that it’s annoying to be asked if you’re okay when you’re quite visibly not okay, but his explosive reaction to your question was not warranted. After spending a whole minute, shocked by him raising his voice with you like that, you were the one to take a minute to cool off. It hurt to leave the house this morning on those terms with him, it hurt when he didn’t try to stop you and it hurts even more right now when you come home, and he’s not said a word to you yet. 

You approached him in the lounge where he was watching TV and said hello, but the silence he returned was excruciating. He’s still mad, but whatever reason he has to be mad with you is just not fair. You did nothing wrong and as much as you feel the urge to raise your voice with him, to tell him how wrong he is for shouting at you this morning, and to have the audacity to be mad at you right now, you were just too exhausted to argue. 

“Joel,” Your voice cracks as you try to gain his attention, but to no avail. He just closed his eyes with a subtle shake of his head, as if to say, ‘not now’. “I um… I just wanted to let you know that I can’t take much more of this so when you’re ready, I’d really like to resolve our issues. We can’t keep putting them off and hoping it will go away, because it’s clear that they aren’t going anywhere.” You explain calmly, though your voice was shaky with anger, you still don’t want to initiate a war of words and turn around to head up stairs instead. There’s nothing left to say, you’ve voiced your needs and it’s up to him now. 

Making your way through your bedroom and entering the bathroom, you closed the door behind you and turned the shower on to wash away today’s sorrows. The steady stream of warm water will ease the headache behind your puffy red eyes and relieve some of the tension. You’re all cried out for today and besides, you don’t want to cry any more than what you already have. 

The shower felt like a safe place, a place where you could momentarily forget about all of your problems, or a place where you can sob about them. And considering you don’t want to shed any more tears, you opted to think about all of the good moments you have with Joel instead of the ugly. You still love him, and you always will, it’s just that you miss those good moments. 

You miss the little things the most. For instance, the way he would gaze at you from afar when he thinks you can’t see him. He would look at you like he’s falling in love all over again. The way he would talk to you about anything and everything, even if he was rambling about absolute nonsense. The three o'clock in the morning chats in bed were the best. Always, without a doubt, the conversation would end with both of you laughing like idiots, or in a deep state of relaxation, snuggling cosily. The little acts of kindness: paying you a compliment here or there, making you a hot beverage when he makes one for himself or leaving little notes beside the bed when he’s up and out of the house before you even wake up. 

You miss everything that you and Joel used to be, and the difference from then to now hurts so much. Rough patches in relationships are a scary thing, but couples get through them. They fight with love, not with loathe. And lately, the love that you give Joel is not reciprocated and sex has become almost non-existent. He’s always tired, and whenever he is in the mood, you’re tired and not in the mood. You’ve become so depraved and neglected of his loving touch lately that you take care of your sexual needs yourself, but it doesn’t feel the same. It never does. 

The picture of Joel’s drunk in love expression appears behind your eyes as you think fondly of the good times in your relationship. You visualize the way his face contorts beautifully when he watches you fall apart for him. The raised furrowed brows, mouth falling open with satisfying groans spilling past his lips, praising you through over-stimulation until you tell him it’s too much. That look on his face sometimes pushes you to climax again for him. He would look so hungry and satiated at the same time, so aroused and pleased, or so proud of himself and wishful to witness the peak of your orgasm endlessly. 

You squeeze your legs together thinking about these things and feel the plentiful slick of your desire soaking your cunt. There’s so much of it and it physically causes an ache in your muscles, desperate-no, begging to be stretched and massaged by his fingers or his cock. The frustration builds at a rapid rate, but you’re too upset to take care of it yourself. You want your partner, the man who you swore would be your partner for life, to be the one to take care of you, not your own hands. Not tonight. 

Taking as long as you possibly could in the shower before your skin started to prune, you climbed out and avoided looking in the mirror, fearing that if you saw the broken look in your own eyes, you’d just burst into tears. You reach for your robe hanging up beside Joel’s on the hook, ignoring the memories popping into your mind of you and him sharing a shower together, and pull it over your body before tying it off at the front. And after towel drying your hair, you don’t even bother with brushing it as you are too mentally exhausted. 

Opening the bathroom door and feeling a pang of disappointment that Joel wasn’t waiting for you on the other side, it was wishful thinking and it felt like another hurtful kick when you’re already down. You know sleep isn’t going to come easy tonight, so in order to combat the struggle that’s coming, you move towards the record player and play some soft, ambient music on a low level. 

Already working its magic, the music helps soothe your current state of mind as you look for a pair of pajamas to wear. Bringing the record player in the bedroom was actually your idea to help Joel sleep when he suffers with nightmares and you didn’t think you would be using for a similar reason. You move towards the bed and drop your pajamas on top before burying your face into your hands with a shooting stab of pain in your temples. It was sharp and brief, leaving a dull ache behind. 

Using your thumbs, you rub your temples gently to ease the tension when suddenly, you’re startled by a large presence against your back. The warmth of Joel’s breath relaxes your nerves and the contact of his nose brushing across your earlobe makes you shudder. He reaches out to hold you and when his hands landed on your hips, your knees buckled, causing you to stumble back, almost as if you collapsed into his arms. Your head lolls back as you look away, too distraught to look in his eyes yet, but welcoming his embrace by sighing breathily, a sound that releases some of the stress. 

The man hears that sound in your voice loud and clear then proceeds to act on it by taking advantage of the way you’re tilting your head away from him. His lips, warm and supple, meeting the exposed skin on your neck make you gasp softly, your eyes squeezing shut to stop the new wave of tears from the embrace you’ve yearned for: a kiss, a simple kiss was enough to reduce you to tears. He moved up your neck, nipping a path that pimples your skin with goosebumps because of his wiry beard and his breath bellowing across your skin again made you feel weak in the knees again. It was shaky and stuttered, the slight whimper he produced sounded torn and fragile before he gulped back the lump in his throat. You could hear how broken he was by a single breath. 

Still, both of you were too wrapped up in the heat of your emotions to utter a single word. You wanted to say his name, moan his name actually, but it was stuck in the back of your throat, not ready to be vocalized. And Joel is feeling the exact same thing. He wanted to say sorry, you could tell by the way he shook his head, the way his breath began to quicken, and his lips trembled through his kisses on the skin behind your ear. You could feel the sheer need to apologize from the way he was gripping your hips and keeping you close, as if he’s pleading, screaming, for you to stay here, not physically, but mentally stay here with him, here in this relationship. 

Joel didn’t need to speak; his actions were speaking on his behalf. The direction of his hand moving up your body to gently hold your throat, tilting your head back to give him more access, that action spoke for him, and it was reassuring your doubts about his love. His arm slipping across your stomach, just under your breasts, pulling you in close as if he were afraid to ever let go again, reassured you that he’s not going anywhere. And finally at last, the way he tilted your face to look in his eyes, his blotchy red and completely wrecked eyes with new tears staining his cheeks, spoke of sorrow and guilt for his mistakes. He opens his mouth to say something, but where does he even begin to say sorry? Words simply couldn’t express his regret. 

A sniffle escapes you at the expression on his face, one that you’ve seen from Joel twice before and it still haunts your memories. The man is deeply pained to show such extremities of his emotions like this. He wanted to speak but couldn’t voice what he wanted to say and continued to let his actions speak for him cupping your cheek to pull you in, his thumb dragging across your skin to catch the tears falling your eyes. It made him choke to see what he’s put you through and he leaned in hesitantly, as if questioning himself worthy or not for a kiss. Your eyes darted down to his lips with the faintest whine exiting your throat, a noise that made him close the gap slowly. 

One kiss he planted before pulling back and hovering for a few moments, his eyes roaming the expanse of your face like he was memorizing it, like this was the last time he’d ever hold you. You could see his thinking process, could visually see the panicked look in his eyes at the thought of losing you right before he leaned in again to kiss you again, fervently this time. You moaned and parted your lips, inviting him in to express just how much he loves you and he did. 

Joel did more than just slip his tongue inside your parted slip and express how much he loves you; he dropped his hand to yank on the ties of your robe too, opening it up to expose your body for him to admire. The sudden shift in tension was palpable, powerful. The sorrow remained, but arousal and desire took over, clouding your mind with passion as he pulled the robe off your body eagerly. The item of clothing dropped to the floor and kicked up a draft of wind to glide up your legs, the cool air hitting your cunt making you feel just how wet you were. It was worse than before in the shower, the amount of it leaving a mess between your upper thighs. 

Turning around in Joel’s arms, you reach for his belt, but he bats your hands away and begins walking you backward until your legs meet the edge of the bed. Then, and only then, did he break off from the kiss to pull his shirt over his head before crashing his lips back onto yours, the quickness of his actions pushing you back to lay down. His shoes and pants came off even quicker, and the moan erupting from his throat when positioning himself between your legs was heavy with frustration. He is just as desperate to be loved, if not more, than you are.  

After he lines himself up at your entrance, he grabs the back of your thigh and uses it as leverage before rolling his hips forward slowly, burying himself inch by inch and savouring the sensation of your tight heat squeezing him. You mewl through it all until he’s buried good and deep, then you reach out to pull his arms where you want them most: one wrapped behind your head, and the other holding your upper arm. 

“Y/N.” He grunts your name, at last, breathlessly before pushing you further up the bed and carefully distributing his weight over your body. The man had you boxed in, surrounding you exactly how you like it as he began to grind in and out of your cunt at a slow pace. Using the hairs on his mound to stimulate your clit and draw out the filthiest noises you could produce, so many emotions were fading away. Not completely, but they were easing up with every second you near your climax. 

“Joel,” You moaned his name and it felt so good too. It felt good to not only hear the sound of your own voice without the heartbreak, but it also felt good just to say his name pleasurably. His eyes remained glued to your face, watching your expression soften with bliss flooding your senses as you clung onto his shoulders. Your nails dug into his skin harshly, causing him to gasp and wince for a moment before he leans down to rest his forehead against yours. His deep, guttural grunts blew across your face, almost making your eyes roll shut with pleasure from how satisfying they sounded to your ears. 

Squeezing his cock with a vice-like grip and throwing your head back with a crying moan, the man took advantage of the opening you were giving him yet again and ducked his head to take your hardened nipple inside his mouth, the added stimulation practically shoving you over the edge. The ecstasy of your orgasm was fierce and intense, bringing you to the brink of tears once more as you feel so high. Although it was a mixture of happy and sad tears, you just felt so euphoric to even focus on anything other than the sound of his groaning. It was beautiful. His voice is so utterly beautiful and attractive. Feeling you fall apart around him was intoxicating for the man. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” He gasps and whines seconds before pulling out to spill hot ropes of his seed across your lower abdomen, painting your skin like a canvas. “Fuuuck… Babydoll.” He growls deeply, his voice making you pulse around nothing and yearn to feel him fill you up with his spend instead. He breathes heavily while coming down from cloud nine, but the sound of your voice brings him back to reality. 

“Joel,” Your voice cracks as you try to gain his attention and he quickly opens his eyes to be struck with disorientation and light-headedness. It was a dream, he was dreaming. He turns to look at you standing in the doorway of the lounge, leaning against the frame as you begin to tell him what’s on your mind and what your needs are for this relationship to be saved. “I um… I just wanted to let you know that I can’t take-”

“I know.” Joel cuts you off abruptly, shaking his head with a panicked look in his eyes. “Baby, I know what you’re gonna say… Come over here, please.” Beckoning you over with his hand held out, the look of remorse was evident in his expression, and you jumped at the chance to try and fix things. You take his hand and sit down on the table in front of him, feeling the anxiety resonating from his shakiness as he holds you tightly. 

“Darlin’, I can’t explain what’s just happened to me right now, but… Fuck! It felt like a sign, and I know you can’t take much more. I know we need to resolve our issues because they’re not going anywhere.” He explains and your mouth falls open with surprise as it was exactly what you were about to say to him before he cut you off. “I promise to do better. I’ll communicate better, we’ll talk this out and do whatever it takes and… Christ, I’m so sorry for yelling at yer this morning. It was wrong of me. You didn’t do anything and it’s not your fault.” The man trembles as he speaks, the tears quickly welling up in his bloodshot eyes. 

“Oh, Joel,” You sob, your eyes also welling up with tears. “You can’t imagine how much I needed to hear you say that baby.” You surge forward and throw your arms around his neck, releasing the emotions you held onto all day about him shouting at you this morning and about all the issues that have been building up for months. 

“Actually, I can imagine how much you needed to hear that, darlin’.” He replies and wraps his arms around your back with the dream he just had at the forefront of his mind. A sign that reminded him how lucky he is to have you and he shouldn't be so careless and neglectful.

A sign that this is just a rough patch. He will get through it and he won't let you down.

-

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#joel miller #joelmiller #joel miller fic #joel miller fiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #joelmillerfluff #joel miller smut #pearly fics #follow 👑 share ❤️ enjoy 🍑 #enjoyreaders

[oph3liatlou]

— YOU’RE NOT FINE

pairing(s) - drunk!joel miller x comforting!reader

word count - 1,420

warnings - light cursing, lots of angst, mentions of alcohol and being drunk, mentions of death / trauma, verbal argument, non direct mentions of suicide.

proofread? - yes

note from author - i hope this does justice

summary - joel is grieving on sarah’s birthday, years after her death. he drinks way too much and comfort ensues.

You and Tommy were both well aware of Joel’s seasonal depression and how severe it got - usually a few days before Sarah’s birthday.

While it never tended to be too concerning, you knew that something was especially off - your gut feeling didn’t help soothe your anxiety either.

A sneaking suspicion that Joel wasn’t in a good state of mind whatsoever, caused you to go to his house. You didn’t even bother knocking, that’s how worried you were.

You opened the door gently, knowing he probably hadn’t locked it - you were met by the strong smell of bourbon in the air.

He heard the door and spoke to you from the couch, a bottle in his hand. “The…hell d’ya…w-want?” He grumbled drunkenly.

You sighed. “Jesus Joel…” You started as you let the door close behind you.

“I haven’t seen you all day, I was worried you-“ But I didn’t finish my sentence - knowing what he had tried to do all those years ago.

I looked around the house now, waiting for him to speak. I noticed it’s mess. The empty bottles everywhere…

He looked at you before the next bout of words escaped him. “I’m fi…just fin-..” He couldn’t even speak properly.

He tried his best to maintain a level-headed tone and remain in control of the situation. It was a clear struggle given his current state.

His fingers wrapped around the bottle as he took a swig. “Leave…”

You had been friends for a few years now so, you had seen Joel in his anual depressed states a few times.

You shook your head responding to him. “No.” You stated. “I’m not going anywhere - not with you like this.”

Joel watched as you moved toward the couch, sitting at the opposite end. His expression showed clear disapproval. “I’m f-fine, alright?!”

Your presence likely triggered him in this state, but the alcohol exacerbated his feelings ten-fold. Despite his irritation, he knew you were coming from a place of concern - not that he would admit that.

He took another swig of bourbon, and tried to adjust his position on the couch.

You looked at him with sheer concern. “You’re not fine, Joel.” You tried to keep your voice calm, but you were getting more and more agitated with his words.

You knew what you were going to say next would cause an argument - but he needed to hear it.

“…would she really want you to be grieving her like this?”

Joel’s eyebrows narrowed at the unexpected reference to his daughter.

He lowered the bottle and gave you a look of dissatisfaction at such an inopportune time - he wanted nothing more than to be alone, and drown his sorrows.

“Don’t.” He warned you.

He trailed off, then took another sip - clearly not wanting to engage in this conversation anymore.

You shook your head again as you turned your body to face him.

“You know that I’m right - she wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

His gaze shifted away from you, as he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes.

“J-jus’, leave me be…go home…”

He was quick to dismiss your remarks and how his current state of his mind made him feel in regards to your intervention.

His hand found the bottle once more, bringing it with him as he scooted away from you.

“Joel, please…” You sighed with worry. He was just as stubborn as you, if not more so.

You stood abruptly and snagged the bottle from his hands and started pouring it down the kitchen sink. “If you won’t help yourself - I’ll just make it easier.” You left the empty bottle in the sink.

“I tried to comfort you, but clearly that’s not working.” You were frustrated and just wanted him to vent to you - anything but denying how he was feeling.

He watched as you took the bourbon, and emptied it in the sink. His blood boiled as he watched his only coping mechanism get chucked down the drain. “Oh, reall-?!”

He trailed off. “I can take care of myself!”

You turned on your heel and pointed a finger towards him.

“No you can’t!” You were pissed now, more so because he worried you.

“I get it Joel - you miss her immensely but, drinking until you shit-the-bed isn’t taking care of yourself!”

Joel winced at your harsh words feeling them strike a raw nerve - he couldn’t even deny that it was true. “I don’t need your help…”

He shifted his legs while on the couch, turning to face you with a tinge of annoyance mixed with regret. “I…w- don’t need anyone’s help on this!”

You sighed before crouched in front of him. “Please…” You mumbled, pausing to reach for his hand. “Let me help you…”

The contact with your fingers made him instinctively shudder. He didn’t want the comfort or the sympathy - to feel like a burden. Especially to you.

He tried to pull his hand away but decided against it. “I…I jus’ nee-…”

He paused, realizing his words of defiance. He could feel his emotions bubbling as he fought against them - tears welded in his eyes. “…I need…her back!”

You didn’t respond, you just pulled him into a hug.

Joel didn’t fight back against your hug, he simply folded into your embrace as he was reduced to tears.

“I jus’…I just want it to st-stop!” He sniffled, his voice breaking as he spoke.

He tried to keep his emotions reserved, but he couldn’t deny the cathartic effect of someone listening without judgement or comments.

You pulled away from he hug, but you still stayed close to him. “You don’t have to hide your feelings from me…it’s okay to feel things, Joel.”

Joel’s emotions continued to get the best of him, he tried his best to reign them in - but the floodgates had already been torn open. “I’m…I’m sick of…”

He took a brief moment to find his words, taking a breath to compose himself as he tried to maintain his dignity in front of you. “I can’t…keep feeling empty because of her loss…”

You understood what he felt. Loss was a big part of this world now - nothing ever lasted. “It’s always going to hurt but…it gets easier.” You continued. “Especially if you stop blaming yourself…it’s not your fault, what happened.”

Joel’s heart felt some amount of warmth at your words, as they gave him hope for the future - but they also caused him to feel somewhat conflicted, given that he was unable to accept the fact that there were people who cared.

He didn’t fight back as you spoke, as he simply looked down at the floor - listening intently to your advice. “I…I know you’re right…”

“Do you want to talk more about it…” You asked gently looking at him. You were there to listen, help and to care. “…or maybe you should just rest?” You suggested.

He took a few moments to contemplate your question, considering his options. But he was done talking. “I think…I…I jus’ wanna’ get some sleep.” He tone was tired and weak, it was clear he needed to sleep off his current state.

You stood to help him up, clearly he couldn’t walk in his drunken state.

Joel let your assistance guide him towards his bedroom. He felt weak in his legs, but he didn’t argue against your help. The weight of grief took a serious toll on him. As you both entered the room, Joel sat on the bed and immediately fell into it with a sigh.

You moved back into the doorway of the bedroom before you spoke. “Ok, goodnight then. I’ll um, I’ll come back to check on you in the morning. Ok?”

Joel’s head rested against the pillow, but his eyes remained open - he wasn’t able to fall asleep yet as his mind was still racing. “S-stay, if you want…” He offered with more clarity.

But, you shook your head. You knew all too well that staying, was a bad idea. “I’ll just come back in the morning.”

He was reluctant to dismiss your presence and offer, but he knew your actions made the most sense. “Fine, I’ll get…some sleep.” His eyes closed with a weak yawn, and his breathing grew heavy as he fell into a deep sleep.

You watched him for a moment before turning his light off and shutting his door - leaving his home with the strong smell of bourbon still lingering.

#joel miller is still hot when he’s sad #writing #oneshot #request #reqs open #tlou #tlou2 #joelmiller #joel miller #joel tlou #joel the last of us #joel x reader #drunk #drunk thoughts #im drunk #getting drunk #tw drinking #angst #light angst #sarah miller #comfort #comforting #Spotify

[saviorsuns]

i have the feminine urge to write a dbf!joel miller series, who wants it?

#pedro pascal #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #dbf!joel x y/n #dbf!joel miller x reader #daddy issues #dbf joel smut #next door neighbor #smut #angst #series #saviorsuns #drama #joelmiller #joel smut #joel miller x reader

[jenna-ortega]

history of man

pairing - joelmiller x femalereader ratings - 18+ word count - 4k warnings - arranged marriage AU, dubious con(the whole arranged marriage against readers will thing), angst, brat!reader, softdom!joel, kidnapping, jumpscare!david, salt lake but a very different salt lake than the games (aka no cannibalism) , panic attack authors note - thank you for waiting for this! i really hope you enjoy it, no smut in the first chapter :( (ik boooo) but there will be smut to come. cause you know joel miller is nothing if not a seducer of woman. comment, and let me know what you think! lets have a discourse.

SUMMARY - You thought coming to silver lake would be better than your previous QZ living situation. Come to find out, you had more than freedom waiting for you on the other side of the wall. You had Joel Miller, whether you wanted him or not.

series masterlist

Fuck this. Fuck him. They hold you hostage then offer you food and water? This shit doesn’t feel right. Your whole body turns away from him. Pushing the glass further from you as you pout.  “Drink.”  “No.”   “Now. The growl in his voice startles you. For someone who swears they aren’t going to hurt you, it feels a hell of a lot like he is. Your eyes find his, now dark with a scowl on his face.  “I’m not gonna tell ya again, girl.”  You scoff. “What…you’re gonna force me?” 

Nothing you’ve been through thus far could have prepared you for this. 

It’s dark. So, so dark. 

“Get off me!” you screamed while trashing your body in the man's arms. Earning you an elbow to the side that made you groan at the harsh hit. Your body trembling, wishing you could see through the pitch black area ahead. 

You arrived at Silver lake only a short time ago, not realizing how much of a mistake this stop in your long journey would be. You only made it a few hours into nightfall trying to observe the town from the far woods when a bunch of men caught you from behind. Now dragging you across the snowy town and making a scene of it. 

“I will KILL you!” Your empty threats made the man dragging your left arm along laugh, causing you to turn your head and give him a nasty look. 

“Hear that, ted?” the mystery man nodded his head to the man on your right, “we caught a feisty one. Know just who’d like this one…” the men disregarded your attempts at kicking, laughing as they went back and forth as if this was just another day. 

You made it to what looked like some sort of run down restaurant, your brain working over time to think of every possible scenario that could happen here. Worst is you’re dead. Best is they feed you, cloth you, and tell you this was all a prank. But you doubt it’s the latter. 

You huff out a small ouch as you’re being thrown into a makeshift jail cell at the back of the place you surveyed earlier, hitting the grown so hard dust particles float in the bright white light casting above you. 

“Don’t move.” the taller man shouts down at you, 

Your eyes roll at the request, “Nowhere to go in here, jackass.” you cross your arms and death glare at him from below. 

“Fucking bitch,” his hand grabs your hair from in between the bars and drags you to it. Your whole body moved to follow his hand, trying to shield yourself from the pinching pain, 

“HEY!, get off her, man. You know they’ve gotta be in one piece.” the other man warns, thankfully giving your scalp a break from the pull. 

“Whatever.” he scoffs, turning to walk out with his buddy. Both of their backs towards you. You slap the cell bars and scream in frustration. Quickly realizing you needed to figure out your next move. You need to stay alive, you need to get the fuck out of here. Your body pushes itself against the wall, head falling back as you begin to silently cry. Nobody here but you and your thoughts for the foreseeable future. Your head falls against the wall, and your eyes close. Forcing yourself into slumber. 

—

Drool begins to dry on your face before you are suddenly awakened by the loud slam of a door. You gasp, waking up and forgetting this is now where you have been staying. A cold, dirty cell floor. You look up quickly and your eyes find a taller man, one you haven't seen before; walking slowly towards you. You instinctively crawl to the further edge of the cell.

“Stay back.” you warned, as if you had any upper hand in this situation. 

“m’sorry to scare you” the strangers hands raise in defense as he stopped walking towards you. “Just wanted to check on you.” He stands with his arms to his side now. Waiting on your next move. 

“Check on me?” you begin, voice dripping with malice. “I was just kidnapped and thrown into this fucking cell.” his eyes follow your body as you kneel to stand up. Wiping down your pants to get the dust off. Fully standing, now closer to his height. 

His face is flat and stern as he begins to observe how you are acting. Deeply in his own thoughts as he looks down at the ground, only to be brought back by your incessant nagging, 

“HELLO! Can you even hear me?” 

“I want to help you” 

You’re confused by his bold statement, but accept his help by nodding slowly as you walk towards him in your cell.

“You’re not leaving this cell until they think you’re calm enough…and you’re not leaving this town. At least not alive, I’m sorry.” 

“What does that even mean? What do you guys even want from me?” 

“It’s not the right time.” the man turns on his heels and begins walking out, leaving you more pissed than you originally were.

“Please, please don’t leave yet!” you whined,

He turns his head over his shoulder slightly to acknowledge your plea, his back still to you.There is a comfortable silence until he breaks it, “What’s your name?” 

You go back and forth with yourself for a little while, wondering if you should be honest. You have to get out of here, and maybe he is your best bet. If you play nice with him, maybe you can bring his guard down enough to get released and escape. You’ll play this role for now, and you tell him your name in a silent whisper. 

He nods in acknowledgement, and you throw his question back to him. Another silence looming before he breaks it, 

“Joel.” 

—

It’s been hours.

The metallic clang echoed through the dimly lit room as a new man fumbled with rusty keys. You squinted at the sudden sound as he swung the creaking cell door open. His average figure standing at the opening of your cell, beckoning you to come with him.  

“About time," you muttered, rubbing your eyes and standing up.

The man flashed a wry smile, his reddish beard framing weathered features. "Apologies for the delay. We don't get many visitors here in Silver Lake, and security is tight." 

You stay silent as you give him a shy smile. Following him out of the room, and close on his trail as you walk an appropriate distance away from him as he brings you outside. It’s an oddly calm vibe, and you begin to overthink. Is this your chance to run, he’s giving you so much freedom…would he be able to even catch you? He does look kind of older, skinner than the other men you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with. As if he reads your mind, he breaks your thought pattern, 

“Sorry about my guards. They can be protective of this place.” he eyes your bruises, 

“What is this place?”

The man gestured for you to follow again as he led you through town. "Silver Lake is more than just a town. It's a haven for those who survived the apocalypse, a place where people from different walks of life came together to rebuild what was lost."

As you walked, you noticed families huddled in makeshift homes, the sounds of children playing echoing through the air. The aroma of cooking wafted from a communal kitchen, and people greeted you with nods as you both passed.

"It's been a tough journey, but we've managed to create something special here," the man continued. "We have families, we have friends, we’re a community"

“A community that throws people into dark dungeons and leaves them there for days?” you bite back, causing him to stop in his tracks, turning to you. 

“I am very sorry about that. Let’s start over.” he holds his hand out for you to shake, “I’m David. And who might you be?” 

You give him a funny look, face scrunching in disgust, not wanting to do whatever this is. But you remember what Joel had told you. Remember your plan to play along. 

You shook his hand and told him your name, earning a smile from him, “It’s very nice to meet you.” 

The air was thick with a sense of uncertainty the rest of the walk. You both ended up at a rather small house, the look of it just like every single other one. As you approached the house, the wooden boards creaked beneath your feet. The windows, covered with tattered curtains, revealed only glimpses of the dim interior. A sturdy figure with a graying beard stood on the porch, his eyes scrutinizing the surroundings.

"David," Joel called out, a tight smile breaking through the gruff exterior. "Wasn’t expectin’ you so soon." 

“Thought I’d bring her here, have her rest up by you. Get acclimated to the community.” 

You’re confused by David’s words. Was Joel one of his guards? Like the other two men who had caught you? You have so many questions you wanted to ask, but you were insecure. Didn’t know if these were people you could really trust or not, and you just wanted to make it out of here. You had to push through, had to endure whatever the hell this was. Just until you were able to make it out. 

David begins to introduce you both, but Joel raises his hand stopping David’s words– “We’ve met.” 

David looks at Joel in a peculiar way, a way you couldn’t quite decipher yet. Then back at you, grinning widely, “Glad you’re taking this so well, Joel.” he walks back off down the stairs, turning back just once to shout, “You’re in good hands!” 

You sway back and forth slowly, hands crossing over the other as your gaze is glued to the ground. You don’t know what to think, what to do, what to say…

“You can come in.” 

—

You’ve been sitting in silence for the past 30 minutes while Joel is simmering something on the stove. His kitchen table is small, and placed in the corner of his modest sized kitchen. It all looks so..normal. So much like how it was before. You watch Joel as he stirs the big pot, banging the spoon handle on the side to watch the sauce drip back down into the pot. He brings the spoon back down onto the counter, turning towards you to sit. You rip your gaze away from him, pretending you haven’t been observing his every move.

“You’re nervous?” His voice is soft. He is still standing at this point, noticing you flinch as he goes to sit. You get the feeling he isn’t bad…but at this point, you don’t know what to think. You look up at him, biting your lip as you stay silent. 

“m’not gonna hurt you.” he reminds you. Joel grabs a cup from his counter, turning on the faucet and pouring you water. Water. You haven’t seen a stable source of water in…oh god it’s been long. 

Joel takes note of the glint in your eyes as he pours you a cup, taking a deep breath in relief. Seeing you nervous only makes the seed of guilt in his stomach grow. The soft look of fear you’ve had plastered on your face since he’s seen you makes him angry. You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have to do this. 

“Here.” He sets the water down in front of you, sitting in the seat next to you. 

Fuck this. Fuck him. They hold you hostage then offer you food and water? This shit doesn’t feel right. Your whole body turns away from him. Pushing the glass further from you as you pout. 

“Drink.” 

“No.”  

“Now.

The growl in his voice startles you. For someone who swears they aren’t going to hurt you, it feels a hell of a lot like he is. Your eyes find his, now dark with a scowl on his face. 

“I’m not gonna tell ya again, girl.” 

You scoff.

“What…you’re gonna force me?” 

“f’i have to.” 

“Then go ahead.” 

You hear him grumble to himself, words that resemble “fucking stubborn.” as he pushes out his chair, pushing it back in roughly. He slams a bowl down on the counter, causing you to gasp. You watch as he scoops a few spoonfuls of food into the bowl, turning abruptly to slam it down in front of you. Rushing off after he does. Leaving you to ponder your own thoughts. You’re looking down at the steamy bowl of what looks like a stew as you hear the front door slam open and closed. He’s left you. Has he gone to tell David about your interaction? Shit. You should have listened to him, you wanted to play this smart. Now for all you know this will be the last bowl of food you’ll have in a while. Will they bring you back down to the cell? Your thoughts frighten you into eating scoops of the food, taking huge gulps of water. Your belly burns from the nutrients you’ve been neglecting yourself for weeks. You sip the last remnants of liquid from the bowl and get up to set it down into the sink. With Joel gone, you were free to roam the house. But you just felt like a scared little mouse, too afraid to disturb anything not familiar. 

You’ve decided against your better judgment to take a look at the place. Just until someone eventually comes back to take you away. 

You look around the living room first, a small brown couch, enough to fit three bodies comfortably sits directly across from a fireplace. A mantle with nothing but dust lays atop of the fireplace, not homey at all. You inspect the room, finding nothing that tells you about the man who left you here. You decide to move on. 

There are 4 stairs that lead up into what looks like a small wing of the house, the last square footage you have left to survey. To your left, a small bathroom. A large tub, one that reminds you of yours from home. Bubble baths and candle lit nights fog your memory. You surprise yourself as you feel water run down your eyes. Tears. Shit. This is all too much. 

Just a few feet down, there’s an empty room with nothing but the sunlight of the open window shining through. Directly across, there’s another room. You break through that doorway and find a bed, a nightstand, and what looks to be a 6 drawer dresser filling the room. So empty, yet you wonder how he lives. You walk towards the drawers, opening up the top left one to find a few pairs of flannels. Of course. You open the top right and find it empty. He must travel light. 

You get bored and begin walking to the bed, sitting atop of it to feel how soft the sheets are. You haven’t sat down on a bed in forever. So comfortable. The sheets stretched over the bed softer than you remember sheets being. The pillows are fluffier than you ever felt. The blanket is so warm…so…inviting. Your body does it before your brain thinks of it. Crawls under the covers. Your head hits the soft pillow, and you feel your eyes closing and your brain settling down. Your shoulders relax into the mattress, and your breathing evens out. You’re gone before you know it. 

…You feel a thump on the bed that startles you awake, darkness engrosses the room and you thrash in bed to find your bearings. 

“Joel?” you rub your eyes and see him standing in front of the bed, you look down to see fresh clothes lying next to you. 

“Take a shower. We got somewhere to be.”

—

You are trying to catch up to Joel as he’s walking ahead of you, “Slow down!” you shouted to him, stumbling over your feet as you grabbed his arm to stay up.

“We’re already late,” 

“For what?” 

He huffs, but begins walking slower for you. Both of you now silently walk into the same restaurant you were kept at just a day ago. Your body goes rigid as you think of all the things that will happen. You fucked up. You did this to yourself, you didn’t follow the—your thoughts pause as you see the place crawling with people. Like a huge get together, chatter and laughs bounce off the walls. It’s so…alive. 

The crowd of people part, and all eyes are now on you and Joel. David at the forefront of the room. “Welcome, Welcome! We’ve been waiting for you two.” he laughs as he walks past the sea of people to you both, grabbing onto Joel’s shoulder and smiling widely,  “Hopefully you were late for a fun reason,” he winks at you two and you shudder, what the fuck was this guy assuming? You rip your hand off Joel’s arm, patting down your dress and making note of all the faces in the room. Your eyes catch the two men from your capture, hand and hand with ladies. How the hell did they land those girls? They were absolute dicks to you. But as you rip those men apart in your head, you notice everyone is coupled up. Kids in the mix as well. Maybe the community wasn’t terrible…seems family oriented at least. 

You follow Joel to the front of the room, wanting to stick by him and not venture off too far. He seemed to be a rigid asshole sometimes, but he was an asshole that didn’t hurt you yet. You stand close to him, arms bumping as you look up at him. He looks down at you, smiling with his eyes turned down, a worried look etched on his face. Maybe he was as anxious at public events as you were. 

“Please, everyone welcome our newcomer into silver lake!” David introduced you by name to the room, the whole room saying hello directly towards you in a cult like manner. 

“Uh–Hi everyone?” you stuttered, heart beating so fast the pounding began to overtake your hearing. 

David’s speech began again, mentioning new updates and new hunts their men had succeeded at. You zoned out again, only brought back to the present by Joel nudging you gently, your head batting to look towards David who had beckoned you to stand on the other side of Joel, sandwiched between the two men. You smiled and nodded, doing as you were told for this one instance. Put on the spot as you got comfortable in your new position, David called upon you, 

“She has been a wonder, ladies and gentlemen. An absolute prize. That’s why I think we should all welcome her with open arms.”

You stood by David's side, feeling the curious eyes of the community upon you. Joel, a stern figure with a rugged exterior, stood nearby. The unease in the room was palpable as David continued his introduction.

"And this, my friends, is a crucial time for us. Unity is our strength, and it's my pleasure to announce that we have a new bond to forge. In the days to come, our friend here will be joining hands with Joel."

Your heart skipped a beat, panic creeping into every fiber of your being. You exchanged a wary glance with Joel, whose expression remained stoic. David's words echoed in your ears like an impending storm.

"Joel," David continued, "our only hermetic guard, will stand as a pillar of strength for our newcomer. Together, they will contribute to the resilience of Silver Lake and ensure the prosperity of our community."

A lump in your throat formed, the weight of the announcement settling in. Arranged marriage—a relic of a bygone era—now thrust upon you in the midst of survival. Your eyes darted between David and Joel, the gravity of the situation sinking in.

"Survival often demands sacrifices," David said, his tone filled with conviction. "And in this new chapter, we come together to build a stronger, more resilient future."

The room buzzed with whispers, but you could only hear the thudding of your own heart. Joel's gaze met yours, and you saw a glimmer of understanding in his eyes, as if he, too, had been thrust into this against his will.

As the community welcomed you both with a mix of cheers and polite applause, you felt the walls closing in. The air grew heavier, and your breaths quickened. This was worse than the cell. This was worse than your impending death. This was something you could have never seen coming. 

As David's words lingered in the air, a suffocating tension settled over the room. The weight of the announcement hung over you like a dark cloud, and you couldn't bear the collective gaze of the community any longer. Without a word, you turned on your heels and bolted from the room, breaths coming in erratic gasps.

The cold night air hit you as you stumbled into the open, the dim glow of lanterns casting long shadows over the uneven ground. Panic gripped you like a vise, and you ran blindly through the narrow pathways, seeking solace in the darkness.

"Wait!" Joel's voice echoed behind, his footsteps closing in. You refused to stop, the desperation to escape overwhelming reason. But he caught up, his hand gently gripping your shoulder. "Stop."

You whirled around, chest heaving, eyes wide with fear. "I can't do this, Joel."

He stepped closer, his gaze softening. "None of us asked for this. But we're survivors, and sometimes survival means making tough choices."

You shook your head, the panic escalating. "I won't be someone's pawn. I won't let them control my life."

Joel's expression softened, and he pulled you into a hesitant embrace. "Shh, babygirl, calm down. Running won't change anything."

The unexpected term of endearment caught you off guard, but the gentleness in his voice began to chip away at the walls of panic. You trembled against him, the tension in your body slowly dissipating.

"We can figure this out," he murmured, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. "You're not alone here. We'll find a way out. Told ya I wouldn’t hurt ya."

You took a shaky breath, the warmth of his embrace offering a strange comfort in the midst of chaos. The reality of your shared predicament began to sink in, and you reluctantly nodded. "I don't want this, Joel.."

He pulled back slightly, locking eyes with you. "I know. You gotta smarten up if you want to survive. No more being stubborn."

You wipe your tears from your cheeks, sniffling as you nod at him. “Okay.” 

“If we want to get out of this together. There are some rules ya gotta follow.” Joel began, surprising you with how fast the gentleness in his tone shifted into something more stern…

“This is not a fairy tale. It's about survival. Our survival."

You nodded, a bitter taste settling in your mouth. The harsh truth of your situation echoed in Joel's words.

"First rule," he continued, his eyes piercing through the darkness. "We stick together. There's safety in numbers, and in this world, trust is a luxury we can't afford. You stay close, and you follow my lead."

You swallowed hard, the gravity of the arrangement sinking in. "Fine," you mumbled, my defiance momentarily subdued.

"Second rule," Joel continued, unfazed. "We present a united front. Whether you like it or not, we're bound by this arrangement. Any sign of discord, and it puts both of us at risk. We can't afford internal conflicts."

You bristled at the demand,  frustration bubbling to the surface. "I didn't sign up for this, Joel. I won't be some indentured servant."

He narrowed his eyes, his patience wearing thin. "You're not the only one dealing with shit. I won’t touch you, I won’t make you any kind of servant. You follow my rules, and you don’t fuck with our chance at getting out. Understand me?"

Reluctantly, you nodded, conceding to the harsh reality that enveloped you.

“I said, do you understand me?” he repeats, expecting an answer from you. 

“I understand,” you whispered to him, lips curving down as you felt tears swell in your eyes.

You met his gaze, defiance flickering. "I won't play house just to appease the crowd."

He sighed, the weariness in his eyes suggesting a history of battles fought and lost. "You don't have to like it, but you have to do it. It's the only way we make it out of this mess alive."

As Joel's rules echoed in the silence that followed, you couldn't shake the feeling that your autonomy had been sacrificed on the altar of survival.

taglist - @joeldjarin @love-affair-with-fandoms @punkshort @movievillainess721 @fragilefable

#joel miller x you #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #arranged marriage #arrangedmarriage!joel

[joelmillers-whore]

kry's fic catalogue

hello, and welcome to joelmillers-whore's blog. you can call me kry or joel's personal whore, either one is fine. i am here to be a slut, write about being slutty, and everything in between. you will find smut, fluff, and a lil bit of angst on the blog. all fics will be tagged and contain warnings, so please be sure to read them before you dive in. indulge, have fun, and be safe!

🍰 - fluff, 🐸 - smut, 🍇 - angst, 🥥 - hurt, 🌼 - comfort, 💀 - dark content

˖ . ☆ joel miller

╰┈➤ series

hard light | professor!joel x college student!reader | 🐸 when a new english professor begins teaching your class for the duration of your semester, you can’t help but develop an innocent crush on him. he’s as off-limits as he can be, but that doesn’t deter you in the slightest. after a drunk night, you accidentally email him something that wasn’t intended to ever be seen by anyone. but that doesn’t matter. it triggers a misunderstanding that manifests into an affair with your professor who is twenty years your senior. nothing good could come of this, right? [on going]

sweet as honey wine | dbf!joel x reader | 🐸💀 you've always had an inquisitive fascination with your dad's best friend and neighbour, joel miller. [on going]

╰┈➤ one-shots

i'll be here in the morning | joel miller x reader | 🐸🍰 after a heated argument, you try to go to sleep alone, but joel knows you can’t and he doesn’t like not sleeping next to you. he comes back and the next thing you know, the two of you can’t keep your hands off of each other.

choking hazard | dominant!joel x reader | 🐸 you’ve been waiting for joel all day, waiting for him to fuck you like he promised. but when he discovers that you’d gotten yourself off earlier, he makes you pay for being disobedient. 

the only thing i did right | friends to lovers | 🍰🍇🥥🌼 after a patrol gone wrong, joel races to get you back to jackson. while the doctor tries to save you, he wrestles with the guilt of letting you down.

i've got nothing left to hide | sequel to TOTIDR | 🍰 it has been a month since your injury, of taking it slow, and helping your father out more. and you’re sick of it. ever since you fully recovered you saw less and less of joel. actually, both miller brothers seem to be avoiding you and you’re determined to find out why. 

fuck me like you mean it | dbf!joel x reader | 🐸 a miserable time out at a club turns into quite the night when you run into someone you least expected to see. 

˖ . ☆ frankie morales

╰┈➤ one-shots

heaven and back | frankie morales x reader | 🐸 an object on your nightstand inspires frankie to experiment in the bedroom and you’re all for it. 

breathless | frankie morales x reader | 🐸 you are having a hard time focusing during sexy times with frankie, and he decides to try something to help you. 

couldn't help it | boyfriend!frankie x reader | 🍰 getting sick was not part of the plan and letting your boyfriend frankie take care of you while you’re sick was definitely not in that plan either. 

requests are open, feel free to drop me a line and i'll try my best to write you a lil something. check out my ao3 here!

#masterlist #joel miller #frankie catfish morales #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #the last of us #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal #triple frontier #frankie morales smut #frankie morales fluff

[forrealtruth]

Regrets (Joel Miller X F! Reader)

Summary: You get injured on a DIY rescue mission, Joel swoops in and saves you.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader You&JoelMiller

Warnings: Angst, violence, strong language, blood, gore.

Word count: 2k

A/N: first fic on tumblr ! love this trope <3

-

You handle yourself pretty well, you’ve spent most of this apocalypse independently having managed to orient yourself on how to stay alive, even in the most perilous situations. The only method you can do this is by occasion, you can prepare for warfare but nothing will ever equip you for combat. You will never know precisely what the other person is thinking; You can’t foresee their next action. Or in this case, how many there are?

You had managed to get away, thankfully, but not without a slash in your gut and a dislocated shoulder. You were not in the contour you were in seven years back. Not sharp or pointed enough to take on six men in one duration, you could hardly take down three on your own on a good day.

You had organized a covering in a small office space, propped up against a desk beside the entrance you haven’t even attempted to barricade, you stood too fatigued and too powerless to even make an effort.

The voices from the four remaining males, you were able to immobilize two of them, were distant but still resounding through the walls of the facility you were in. You hear faint orders to uncover where you were and complete the job. And you wouldn’t oppose that, it being a better alternative to bleeding out.

You couldn’t even specify where you hurt the most, it was everywhere.

But from the blood that had started to stain your shirt, it was a no-brainer you had been pierced somewhere in your belly. Your shoulder was dislocated by the manner it felt and looked, you could likely fix that on your own. However, for now, you need to slow the bleeding. You had no other option than to press your hand there and hold it down with the remainder of the strength you had no matter how great your body refused it. As you pressed harder the ache shot through your body, provoking you to cry out.

You tossed your head back and relaxed it against the wall behind you, your top teeth clamping over your bottom lip in a hopeless attempt to hold yourself quiet.

Your eyes hazily gazed at the room in front of you, falling on a book that lay on the rack across the room. It was a Van Halen tablature book. You couldn’t help but chortle. At this moment you thought about Joel, how the final moments you’d spent together had been an argument. And how you broke your promise.

“You can’t be serious y/n” Joel contradicted, standing in the door frame of the house you shared eyeing you stride around the bedroom, equipping. “You heard them, Miller,” you hesitated to peer up at him from your situation across the room “they have my brother-“ he stepped forward as you tossed another case of ammo into your bag “you cannot tell me to sit here and do nothing.”

Joel swallowed, clenching his jaw as he considered what to say. “Tommy won’t authorize a party to go out. You know that y/n'' he crossed his arms across his chest “-and you sure as hell ain’t goin’ alone doll.” You let out a groan of irritation, “Well I'm going, alone or not.”

“God dammit!” Joel’s voice rose a bit, pulling you from the gun you were loading. “Are you tryin’ to get yourself killed out there?-” He asked helplessly “He is out there Joel! My brother!” You shouted “He’s been missing for years! You can’t stand here and tell me you wouldn’t do the same for yours.” You could notice you struck familiarity with that statement. He would do that for his brother. He has.

Joel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in aggravation. At this instant, you knew he was going to attempt a compromise. “Just-“ he looked up from the floor, bearing his eyes into yours. “Give me a couple of days-“ you instantly shut that idea down. “He doesn’t have a couple of days Joel!” He sighed once again “baby, I need time to convince Tommy for a group. Twenty-four hours. That’s all I ask of you.” The male strode onward, closer to you.

“I don’t have that kind of time, Joel! He’s all I have! All I’ve ever had!” You hadn’t recognized what you said until you watched Joel’s complexion wash over with a tint of sorrow, quickly replaced with bitterness. “All you have, huh?” The male questioned, clenching his jaw “no-“ you began, guilt beginning to climb to your cheeks “Joel- that’s not what I meant.” You sighed, watching as he started for the exit. “I’m sorry- '' all you could do and reach forward, taking a few steps in an effort to wrap your hand around his wrist to halt him. “ I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I’ll stay.” All he did was ‘mhm’ in response “Please- I- I'm just scared Joel. I’m terrified.” You felt tears well up in your eyes; you allowed his arm to drop down to his side. Joel ultimately circled to face you.

Joel felt a ping of remorse constrict around his gut once his hazel orbs met your tear-brimmed ones, “I- I mean- what if he’s hurt? Or- he doesn’t know who I am? Or he’s already-“ you wept, unable to complete the sentence, it pained too much to even fathom. You felt yourself being tugged forward and into a warm embrace “Shh darlin’” Joel whispered into your hair, smoothing the back of it. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, “We’ll find em’ I promise-“ The male soothed, holding you close.

The next dawn, he awoke to an empty mattress, you had taken off, and a missing rifle. All of Jackson could hear his wrath.

Currently, here you are, broken, injured, and surely going to die if you don't get help soon. But you couldn’t run. Not when you were so close to the finish line. You bit down another cry as you reached out to the curtain material that had made its place next to you, dirty and dusty from all the years untouched. You felt your head lighten up as you fastened it around the wound on your abdomen.

You let your head hang down, closing your eyes. You knew you were exhausted but there was nothing you could do.

You felt bile climb in your throat as the flash of death thundered through your head. This was it. You were going to die here. Alone and hopeless. The taste of iron in your mouth induced you to lean over to spit blood out of your mouth, you feared the absolute worst. You let your tongue glide the bottom row of your teeth and felt a bit of solace when you discovered it had just been a tooth knocked loose from one of the hits you had taken in the quarrel.

You sat there for what seemed like an eternity, you felt your eyelids begin to get heavier; you struggled like hell to keep them open. You knew if they shut, they would never open again. Gunshots yanked you out of your haze. You heard a bit of a wrestle, large footsteps, and additional sounds of combat. You let in a shaky inhale, holding your eyes open with whatever ability you had left in your body.

You heard some inaudible yelling, you knew you had left a blood path, from the middle of the foyer where you had collapsed to where you were now, having drug yourself in here on your forearms.

You listened to a voice entering the hallway you were in, and the steps sounded desperate. “Y/n!?” you couldn't mistake the sound of his voice. You felt your heart quicken and found the desire to cry. “Joel?!” your voice sounded hoarse, broken, anguished. And he could hear that from his position in the hallway. You could see a flash of his signature jacket bolt into the room, his gaze discovering you in your situation. He slid down to your level, taking your face into his hands and giving you a once-over. “Oh God-” he gaped at the condition you were in. Joel just then came to detect how much blood you lost and how much time they didn't have. The brown-haired male cursed under his breath, he desperately needed to get you help.

“Tommy!” he cried out as he slid his arms under you, heaving you up into his arms. You yelled out in pain as your body shifted, every inch of your body screaming at you. However, all you could think about was your brother. “Joel-” you swallowed “My brother-” Joel glimpsed down at you as he made his route through the hallway “he’s here Joel.” You felt your eyelids start to become unbearable to hold open. “Find him…” you gasped “please.” Joel made it out into the clearing, “C’mon baby I need you to stay awake. Can you do that?” he pleaded, you relaxed your head on his shoulder and murmured an affirmative. You breathed out, sensing Joel's movements become hastier. You leaned upward to press a kiss to his jaw and that's when you couldn't battle it any longer, your eyes shut.

When you woke up all you could feel was the lack of painkillers in your system right now, the pain in your shoulder ceased but the pain in the abdomen was terrible.

You peeked to your left, you could see Joel sitting there, facing the window, his guitar propped up against the chair he sat in. You noticed the downpour, the raindrops fluttering down the pane, you cleared your throat so you could speak. “Beautiful day out huh?” You asked, voice raspy. Joel’s body turned to face you at a velocity you didn't even think was possible. His eyes widened at the presence of you, bounding forward and pulling you into his arms, you hissed at the pain but returned the gesture gratefully. “How long was I out?” you queried, Joel was quiet for a moment, reveling in you. “Long enough,” he responded as he pulled back, grasping your hand as if you would disappear if he let go. “I can't believe I almost lost you, m’ so sorry darlin’” you shook your head. “None of this is your fault-” you leaned up and pressed a kiss to his quivering lips “none of it.” Joel kissed you again, this time more tender and passionate.

At that moment, you heard the squeak of tennis shoes as they entered the room. Ellie. The second the young girl caught sight of you, she was in your arms. You wrapped your arms around her frame tightly, “I didn't think you were going to wake up.” She spoke into your shoulder, and you couldn't help but smile “Good thing I'm stubborn” you laughed, giving her a squeeze before letting her go.

You heard a male clear his throat from the doorframe, you understood instantly who it was. Your breath hitched and you froze, your eyes meeting his. Tyler. Your brother. You stumbled forward, the blankets of the bed falling to your ankles, you didn't realize how much pain that caused until you were in his arms. You cried into his shoulder as he rubbed your back and quietly cried into yours. You couldn't believe it.

Once you both got yourselves together, he moved you back to your bed and covered you up, your hand instantly finding its way back to Joel. He grasped onto your hand, dragging his thumb across your knuckles. You looked around the room, you were surrounded by the ones you loved most. You survived, you have no idea how but you managed to survive.

Hours had passed, and your brother and Ellie both had ended up leaving to get sleep; they said they would be back early in the morning, but you didn't believe it, Ellie sleeps like a rock.

Joel sat next to you, his eyes looking up at you. You looked down at him and grinned. The male cleared his throat. This entire situation had put his life in perspective, how short it is, and how quick it could end. He realized how much he needed the woman in front of him. How much he needed you.

“Marry me.” he blurted, catching you off guard. “What?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows, assuming you had heard him wrong “When you’re clear to get out of bed, I want to marry you. Hell, I would marry you right now.” You gaped at him, he looked at you with a face that only proved how serious he was. You couldn’t help but grin. “Yes of course I’ll marry you.”

Joel smiled, pulling you in for a kiss. You smiled into the kiss and he pulled away, resting his forehead on yours. “I don’t have a ring right now. I’ll get you one later.” He shrugged, you began laughing at his remark. You didn’t care, you didn’t need a ring to prove how much he loved you. You knew he did, and you did too.

#the last of us #joel x reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #tlou

[bert2011-blog]

A Helping Hand (Joel x Pregnant Reader) - Chapter 7 (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1132629127-a-helping-hand-joel-x-pregnant-reader-chapter-7?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=EnglandRugby&wp_originator=3e%2FQMd7qBV6UL4xCQMcMhDgknvIfa%2BJ7348B7JHbRJ9Mg0sjLxhEqI6e5o4i4r%2FAbC%2BIAS4JaUQF2rvV8O4ZSVd3diuAqt%2Fb%2FHf4ShfhR1%2FATrSuuS5EAieh9%2B6watSM As a woman who is pregnant you are doing anything if it means survival. Even so you found yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, or was it the other way around? Now you are in the community of Jackson and you can't help but attract a certain pair of hazel eyes. Will be posted every Wednesday! I do Not own any of the characters in this story

#angst #dina #elliewilliams #eventualangst #eventualfluff #fluff #jesse #joelmiller #joelmillerxpregnantreader #joelmillerxreader #mariamiller #softjoelmiller #tommymiller #xpregnantreader #xreader #fanfiction #books #wattpad #amreading

[misspearly1]

Congrats on your 1 year anniversary, beautiful! You're a joy to see and hear from!

I've thought about this for a bit and this would be my request.

Prompt #25 on the mix list:

“It hurts...” “what?” “Loving someone who doesn’t love you...”

It hits something very personal for me that constantly needs soothing.

But I won't lie to you, your sex pollen Joel fic with the weird bloater has been living rent free in my head to the point it's becoming "personal" 🥴 (Just trying to keep this PG.)

Oh, Naomi. Forgive me for how long I have taken to finish your request, but I am happy to say that I've completed it. You deserve all the love and so much more! I hope you enjoy what I've written and thank you for sending this in, my love. ❤️

Idiots in Love

Pairing: Joel Miller x You (F!Reader) 

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Friends to lovers. Little bit of angst with a happy ending. Smut. Kissing. Oral (F receiving). Unprotected PIV sex. Fluff.

Prompts:  “It hurts...” “what?” “Loving someone who doesn’t love you...”

Many Thanks to Char for doing the beta and writing all of the smut for me on this one. I couldn't have finished this story without you, beautiful! ❤️ @supernaturalgirl20

Observance is Joel’s speciality. He’s quite good at watching people go about their usual daily business and making little assumptions in his head about their character that, more often than not, turn out to be true. It’s a skill that he’s used for the longest time, even before the outbreak. 

The man used this speciality with you too. At the time, he had his reasons as you were the newbie. You had just joined the community after being out on the road for so long and naturally, he was dubious of trusting you. Joel’s always been like that. Ever since he became a father, he grew wary of new people entering his life, and after the outbreak, he became even more cautious of strangers.

You were a stranger to him and initially, he assumed you were just taking the necessary time to settle in. You didn’t make any friends in the first three months you were here, nor any enemies. You kept your head down, finished your shifts at work and went home.

You spent a lot of time at home, even on your days off, and for a long while, Joel thought you were an introvert; someone who just prefers to be on their own and doesn’t like to be around others. He understood that as he sometimes doesn't want to be around others as well and much prefers his own company.   

Joel had asked his brother about you before, and Tommy said that you were just more quiet than most, which is one of the many reasons why the man had his doubts in the first place. Being quiet isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but you were too quiet.

After having the pleasure to meet you, though, he was delightfully surprised because the little assumptions he made about you and your personality turned out to be different. He had a glimpse of your personality and wanted to know more. Not just out of curiosity or to appease his worries of trusting you, but because he was genuinely interested.

Your smile drew him in at first, it was warm and generous, but your voice was most shocking to him. You spoke softly. So softly in fact that he often thinks about how your first ‘hello’ sounded to this very day. The man expected you to be afraid of interaction, or awkward in conversation, but you were quite the opposite.

You were friendly and sweet with a good sense of humour. The kind that makes him laugh with authenticity and not just to be polite. And now, two years after meeting you, you’re still all of these things and more. Joel and Tommy were wrong about you. You’re not quieter than most. You’re just reserved. You open up and share personal things with those you trust. 

And Joel is glad to be someone you can trust. You’re a real treat to be around, and whenever he isn’t with you, he thinks about you often. Which is what he is doing right now as a matter of fact. He wonders how you are feeling and what’s keeping you away. You weren’t feeling too good the last time he saw you on Sunday night, but you’ve been to work and around Jackson since then. 

You and Joel spend quite a lot of time together. Almost every day actually, but since Sunday night, you’ve been rather distant. You walked him home, and were in a good mood too. You were humorous and giggly, walking side by side with your arms linked together to stay warm. It was a lovely night to take a stroll, and he enjoyed every second of it with you. However, once you had walked him to his front door, he turned to face you and was about to offer you to come inside for a cup of sweet tea when you stumbled into him. 

You caught your balance quickly and apologised to the man, but when he asked if you were okay, you then complained about a sudden wave of nausea. He offered you to come inside for a glass of water instead, but you politely declined and said goodnight. Something didn’t feel right. Joel knows you like the back of his hand now and he could tell you were lying about feeling nauseous, but didn’t want to impose by asking you were sure or offering to talk you home. 

Now that four days have passed since he last saw you, he wonders what he did wrong. At first, he just thought that you might have wanted some time to yourself, but you’ve been actively avoiding him and he wants to know why. He doesn’t want to sit around and think about you, he’d much prefer to be in your company, but only if you want his company too. 

Pulling himself up from the sofa after lacing up his boots, he heads out the front door and makes his way over to your house. It’s not that far away. You only live three streets over from him, but he walked briskly with a determination for answers and an eagerness to see you again. In times like this where he hasn’t seen you for a while, it becomes clear how much he enjoys being with you. Truthfully, he misses you, especially the way your eyes light up with a smile every time you see him. 

When rounding the corner to the street you live on, he smiles upon seeing your house. It’s like a second home for him as you’ve welcomed him inside plenty of times before. Joel knows something isn’t right. He isn’t paranoid or over-thinking things. You would have visited him by now, or called him via radio at the very least. You have his private channel as well just in case, and he’s not mad at you. He’s mad at himself for pushing you away. 

As he jogs up the porch steps, he catches a glance of you in the living room and stops in his tracks to get a better look through the cracks in the blinds. Something is most definitely wrong. You’re crying, and the sight of you like this punches him in the gut. Your eyes were blotchy red and puffy, your cheeks glistening under the light above with a fresh set of tears. It’s beating him up to see you like this, and he’s hell bent on knowing the reasons why you’re upset. 

Approaching your front door and knocking once before opening it, he stepped inside whilst calling out for you. “Hey, it’s just me, darlin” he says quickly, “I’m coming in-” 

“Joel?” You cut him off before he could finish, “Shit, this isn’t really a good time. I’m um… I’m-” 

“Upset and in need of a friend,” Joel cuts you off now, finishing your sentence. “I know, sweetheart. I could see through the blinds and I’m not leaving you like this.” He takes his shoes off and places them on the rack then shakes off his jacket and hangs it up on the hook, no doubt while you wipe the tears away from your eyes and make yourself look less upset than what you actually are. 

As he enters the living room and takes a look at you, he sees that you have indeed wiped the tears and put on a fake smile as well. “I’m okay. It’s nothing.” You shake your head in denial, visibly lying through your teeth which only worsens the feeling in Joel’s gut because you’re trying to dismiss how you feel right now. “Just don’t want you to see me like this,” you whisper whilst lowering your head to avert his gaze. “I’m a mess, Joel.” 

“Listen to me,” he sighs heavily and moves toward you, “It’s not a bad thing to cry, Y/N. It actually feels good to release it, and if you want to, just let it all out.” He slowly takes a seat on the sofa, but leaves a bigger gap than what he normally does to give you the space. “And yer not a mess. You’re beautiful, darlin’.” 

“I’m just feeling emotional, you know?” You lift your head to look him in the eyes, “Like really emotional. More than I usually am, and I suppose it was too much…” You explain as another tear falls from your eyes, “...I don’t really cry in front of others. Especially you.” 

“I understand,” Joel replies with a soft tone and lifts his hand to wipe the tears rolling down your cheeks. “And I’m sorry for barging in here too.” He smiles with a quiet, humourless chuckle. “I’d leave and give you space Y/N, but…” He pauses briefly with another sigh escaping him, “...But something tells me it’s not just feeling emotional. What’s botherin’ yer? If you want to tell me, I might be able to help.” 

“It just…” You choke on the words while shaking your head again and the man lifts his hand again to cup your cheek, his thumb dragging across your skin as he moves closer. The action gave you comfort as you took a deep breath to gather yourself together. “It hurts…” Is all you could manage to say before closing your eyes. 

“What?” He asks, brows furrowed with concern. Silence filled the air with that question, and it’s almost as if you were reluctant to answer him. Your lip trembled as you kept your eyes closed, like you didn’t want to look at him anymore. The man felt your heart-break and it was agonising to witness you so upset like this. It worried him. Right down to the very core, it worried him deeply. 

He wraps an arm around your upper back, using his free hand to caress your arm and squeeze you reassuringly. “It’s ok. You can tell me, sweetheart. What hurts?” He asks again, to which you open your eyes slowly and make a surprised sound before gulping audibly. “Loving someone who doesn’t love me.” You reply, your eyes darting down to his lips briefly. 

Only in that moment did Joel become aware of how close his face was to yours. It was exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. His heart felt like it was about to leap out of his chest. He could feel it thumping in his ears. It was that loud. The man desperately wanted to lean in and kiss you, but couldn’t take the opportunity at this time. It feels like he would be taking advantage of you in an emotional state like this, even though he’s just watched you look at his lips. 

“I don’t know who this person is that doesn’t love you, girl,”  he breathes heavily, lustfully, “But they are a fool.” He shakes his head slightly, his gaze dropping to your lips then back to your eyes again. “It’s actually pretty hard not to love everything about you, darlin’.” 

“Really?” You ask, your breath hitching as you speak, and when he nods with a serious look in his eyes, a trembling smile appears on your lips. He is the one you thought didn’t love you. It’s been a long time since you felt this way about someone. There’s something about Joel that just captured your attention and drew you in. From the very first moment you met the man, he had your attention. 

It’s his eyes. The way his hazel eyes expand whenever he looks at you, which always follows with an enchanting smile. You like to make him laugh just to see that smile of his, although it doesn’t take much to make him smile anyways. He was stand-offish with you at first, naturally, but as soon as he warmed up to you, it just felt right. Like you were destined to meet him and feel that connection. 

However, you’ve spent most of your life alone. Especially out there on the road where danger lurks around every corner. You knew you had found a place worth settling into the second you entered the gates of Jackson, but the second you laid your eyes upon Joel and heard that soft southern drawl saying ‘hello’, you knew you had found someone worth calling a friend. You just didn’t know at the time that it would progress into something more. 

You should have seen it coming, the attraction was there in the beginning, but you didn’t want to risk losing him. Perhaps this was meant to be; the way it happened and how long it took for you both to come to your senses. Hearing those words from Joel was exactly what you needed to hear. It was enough to make you feel confident that he does love you more than a friend. He said it himself, ‘it’s pretty hard not to love everything about you’. 

 “Well, Joel Miller,” you break the silence with a bashful laugh, “You just called yourself a fool. It’s hard not to love everything about you too,” you admit while lifting your hand to cup his cheek, though he looked visibly annoyed. Not with you, but with himself. “Should have said something sooner. I-” he grumbles, and you watch as he looks at you with nothing but adoration in his big hazel eyes. “I should have done this sooner.” He says before closing the gap to place his lips over yours. 

You gasped softly before kissing him back. It was beautiful. He is beautiful. His kiss is somehow better than you ever could have imagined, and you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how it feels too. But to finally welcome his embrace made you feel light-headed in the very best way. You wanted to collapse into his arms and be completely wrapped up in his warmth. 

You could feel the way his hand clasped your upper arm, as if he were silently saying he didn’t want this to end anytime soon. And neither did you. In fact, you wanted more. So much more. Your hands slid up his chest and your fingers pawing at the buttons of his brown checked shirt as he tilted his head to the side with a request you’re familiar with. 

It’s been a while since you’ve felt intimacy like this, but you haven’t forgotten what all the subtle movements mean. You respond to the man with the softest moan and part your lips, granting him entry. Although your eyes were closed, they rolled back upon feeling his tongue slip inside your mouth. It felt so good, and the sound of his quiet grunts made you whimper with a burning desire to hear more. You wanted to hear everything he could offer. Everything you could draw out of him. 

You break off for a breath of air, moaning needily. “Joel please.” 

You lean in and your lips connect with his again, but this time fervently, with heat and passion in your movements. You run your hands up his chest and begin popping open the buttons, your hands shaky and frantic with arousal. You haven’t felt this horny in a long time. It’s almost as if you’ve become feral. Just so utterly desperate to feel more of his touch in areas of your body that you need it most. 

The thought of him entering you makes you whimper and your legs squeeze together with a throbbing pulse in your nether regions. “Let me.” He mutters before pulling back to tear his shirt up his body and exposing his wide chest for your eyes to admire. Your gaze lands on his taut pecs and the softness of his stomach, your brows raising with delight at the trail of hair underneath his belly button that leads into his jeans. 

You bite your lip with sinful thoughts crossing your mind and see him blush in the corner of your eyes. The way you were staring at him with nothing but attraction brought a flattered smile to his lips. He felt sexy under your ogling. “Hey,” he says, tearing your attention away from his body by placing his thumb under your chin to lift your gaze, “Eyes on me, gorgeous.” 

As he leans in and places a kiss to the corner of your mouth, you shudder under his featherlight touch and tilt your head back to relish the tickle of his beard against your skin. He nips a path along your jaw whilst his hand slips around the back of your neck, keeping you in place as he inflicts his bruising kisses to your neck. 

Your mouth falls open with a breathy moan escaping your lips, to which he responds with a whispered reassurance, “I got you, babydoll. Just relax and let me take care of yer.” Nodding to the man as you slowly laid yourself back into the sofa, he moved with you and carefully distributed his weight over your body. 

His hazel eyes were glazed over with lust as he stared down at you, the corners of his mouth curling into a devilish smirk. “Now this don’t seem fair. You’ve far too much clothes on, doll.” Your heart thrummed loudly in your ears as his hand skimmed down along the curve of your waist, the ache between your legs growing by the second. 

“Then do something about it,” you breathed out raggedly and before you could blink he had pushed himself onto his knees and was pulling your leggings off. With one tug he had left you bare from the waist down and when his eyes slowly took in the sight of you, wet and throbbing with need, he growled. “Goddamn. Now that’s a sight I’ll never get used ter….So damn pretty.”

He surged forward and captured your lips in a searing kiss and the feel of his tongue running along the seam of your bottom lip had you moaning beneath him. His hands roamed the expanse of your skin and you couldn’t help but shiver with anticipation when his rough hands pushed your top up slowly, exposing your breasts. 

The cool air made the peaks of your nipples harden instantly and he groaned into your mouth when he grabbed your breast, massaging it roughly before tweaking your nipple with his forefinger and thumb. “Take it off, babydoll,” he rasped as his hands moved to help you pull it over your head. 

“So darn beautiful,” he breathed as his lips found yours again. The ache between your thighs was beginning to become unbearable and you desperately wanted to feel him slip inside you. “Joel, please,” you begged as you lifted your hips up to grind against his hard length.

 Pulling away with a groan, he looked down at you with a sly smirk on his face. “What do yer want, babydoll? Tell me and I’ll give it to yer.” His hand moved down slowly along the skin of your stomach and you gasped when his fingers found your aching core. Closing your eyes, your body shudders as he runs his fingers along your slick. 

“Please,” you whimper, “Wanna feel you, Joel. Wanna feel you inside of me.” His lips graze your neck before his teeth nip your skin and release a strangled groan. “Not yet, sweetheart. Gotta make sure yer ready for me.”

His mouth began to leave a trail of kisses along your neck, down over your breasts and stomach until his face was completely nestled between your thighs. His tongue licks along your folds and you moan as your back arches off the couch, your hands finding purchase in his hair. 

He groans into your cunt as you tug hard on his hair and the vibrations make you gasp. He moves one of your legs over his shoulder and buries his tongue inside you. Jesus, he’s good at this. It makes you wonder how many women he’s been with but those thoughts don’t linger as he works you towards your release. 

He alternates between licking and sucking and shoving his tongue inside you and you are a complete and utter mess below him. Writhing in pleasure. That heat begins to build and you can feel yourself teetering along the edge. “Joel,” you whimper, spurring him on and when he suck’s on your bundle of nerves, you come hard with his name on your lips. 

Lifting his head, his tongue licks around his lips as he moves above you completely. Dazed and still horny, you reach up and kiss him tasting yourself on his tongue. You can feel him hard against you and your hands fumble with his belt as you try to free him from his jeans. He pulls away from you and quickly pops open the button and pulls at the zipper, pushing his jeans down his thighs and just past his knees. 

He doesn’t take them off completely and you look up at him with confusion. “No time, darlin’. Wanna feel you now.” Leaning over you once more he pumps himself twice before lining himself up with your core, the tip of his cock nudging your entrance. 

“Sure about this?” He asks, his voice soft and low as he stares you down, “Because once I take you, I ain’t ever letting you go.” 

“I’m sure.” You nod frantically, “Now fuck me. Please, Joel.”

He thrusts his hips forward, sheathing himself within you and he releases a strangled groan at the feel of your walls around him. “Jesus! So goddam tight.”

After giving himself a minute to calm himself, he begins to move in and out of you, pulling his cock back until just the head is inside you and thrusting back inside. Your arms grip his back as his hips grind into you, seemingly hitting that secret spot deep within and you can feel yourself on the verge of coming again. 

“Fuck babydoll I’m close, are you close? Wanna…wanna feel you come around me before I….fuck,” he groans as his hips begin to falter. You move your hand down between your joined bodies and rub over your swollen bud, and within seconds you’re coming with a strangled groan of his name. 

Joel thrusts twice more before quickly pulling out, coming hard as his spend coats your stomach. His breathing is ragged as he stares down at you, his eyes taking in your blissful dishevelled state. “So pretty like this, with my cum painting your skin. I love it…” He sighs softly, cupping your cheek, “I love you, babydoll.”

“Love you too, Joel,” You say with a smile.

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#Requests with Supplied Prompts #Joel Miller #Joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #Joel Miller fiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #Joel Miller smut #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #joelmillerfluff #joelmiller #pearlyfics #follow 👑 share ❤️ enjoy 🍑 #enjoyreaders

[pixi3h0ll0w]

Talk to me

Fluff, kissing, angst, swearing

“Just get out.” Dina says. “What?” You ask tilting your head laughing it off because not even five minutes ago you were laughing and joking until you confessed that you liked Ellie, perfect smiling funny Ellie.

Dina hated it she knew Ellie liked you too but dina liked Ellie and here you were talking about how much you were in love with her. “I said get the fuck out.” She says pointing towards the door and you halt.

“If that’s what you want.” You say tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You push open the door and let the warm spring air hit your wet stained cheeks as you make your way to Ellie’s house.

Knock. “Hi,” you hear Ellie say until she looks up and sees your red wet eyes. “Y/n..” she gasps hugging you. “Come inside.” She gestures and you immediately walk into her small little settlement.

“What happened?” She asks softly wiping the tears from your cheeks. “You can talk to me.” She reassures you. “Dina got mad at me while we were hanging out.” You say head now resting on your knees.

She stares at you you looked so pretty even when you cried, not the time Ellie, she pushed her feelings aside to comfort you. “It’s okay bunny I’m here.” She says. “Why’d she get mad at you ‘hm?” She asks pushing a few stray hairs from your face.

“We were just hanging out and— I told her I,” “you what?” “Like you.” You spit out before you can regret it. “You- like me?” She let’s put a breathy chuckle.

“I just totally ruined my chances didn’t I ?” You ask and she shakes her head. “Not at all by any chance you just upped them.” She says smiling leaning close to your lips. “So what we ‘doin?”

“This.” You say gently pressing your lips to hers and everything makes sense you both just click with each other. “I love you Williams.” “I love you too y/n.”

#elliewilliamssmut #the last of us #ellie williams #tlou2 #pedro pascal #bella ramsey #joel miller #joelmiller #smut #angst #fluff

[misspearly1]

Chp1 || Chp2 || Chp3 || Chp4 || Chp5 || Chp6 || Chp7 || Chp8 || Chp9 || 

Pairing: Werewolf!Joel Miller x You (F!Reader)

Summary: Looking back on how your life has turned out this far, you often wonder if you got more than you bargained for when finally finding your safe haven within the walls of Jackson. They have it all; food, shelter and electricity, but what else did you come to discover that lives within this thriving community? And how did that discovery change your life?

WC: 9K

Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Little bit of angst (With a happy ending). Smut. Unprotected PIV. Praise Kink. Dirty Talk. Anal Play. Fluff. 

AN: Yassss, we’re getting there loves! The next chapter is the last, and I’m sad that it’s coming to an end, though I’m desperate to work on my oneshots. Hope you enjoy this chapter darlings, I know I did <33

“I love you Mel…” Joel heard you whisper through the tears before you brought two hands up and laid them around the old woman's head and face. 

“Jesus…” He manages to blurt through the sudden flash of light, it was bright and warm, but so bright that he could barely see you and Mel standing on the patio. Moving forward with panic, it was his brother who stopped him by bringing an arm out and shaking his head. “No, don’t… don’t disrupt it.” 

The man relaxes then, understanding a little more, but not enough to be fully reassured that whatever you were doing isn’t dangerous. The light was coming from your hands and inside that light was something dark. The more Joel focused on what it was that you were actually doing, the more he could see that you were taking the darkness away.

The darkness within Melinda’s brain - you were taking it. “Christ.” He breathes while pushing through his brother's grip, trying to see more. “Joel, don-” Tommy tries to warn, but Joel cuts him off by grabbing his brother's arm and pulling him close to look at you - at your face.

Your eyes were open, though the colour had disappeared and white had taken over completely. Skin glistening with sweat, that darkness inside Melinda’s head grew smaller and smaller as it was traveling up your arms. “What is this?” Joel asks, completely enamoured by your abilities. “You’ve read the book. Talk me through it, what is she doing right now?” 

“Energy absorption maybe and I haven’t read everything yet.” Tommy shrugs, showing just how little he knows regardless of what he learned from the memoir so far. He moves past Joel, taking a closer look at you and Mel. The older woman had her eyes closed, as if she were unconscious. Her arms remained at her side, body relaxed and slumped over ever so slightly, but you were moving. Your lips were moving, like you were mouthing words. And both brothers instantly had the same idea to listen to your thoughts, but as soon as they did, they jumped back and held their hands over their ears. 

Screams penetrated their ear drums all at once. The noise was so loud, it was deafening and blinding all of their senses, but it was you screaming, though it didn’t sound like your voice. Sounding like a cacophonous horrifying cry filled with pain and suffering, Joel and Tommy had all but a sample of the agony you were putting yourself through. The words you were mouthing were ‘too much’. You were screaming internally, putting intense amounts of strain on your body and mind and damn near killing yourself to save Melinda. 

“Tommy!” Joel manages to roar just one word over the noise in his mind, and it was enough as his brother heard him loud and clear. You are killing yourself. Pulling himself up off the floor, it felt like an invisible, but powerful, force was pushing him back and Joel dug his feet into the ground, drawing the power from the wolf inside to run at you with his brother doing the very same thing. 

Wrapping his arms around you, Joel tears you away from Melinda and tackles you to the floor, while Tommy catches the old woman before she falls. You begin to fit and convulse in his arms, your eyes completely black now instead of white. Skin ashen and covered with sweat, he calls your name repeatedly, but you don’t hear him. Joel turns to his brother, looking for help as he is the only one who has read parts of the book, however the expression on his face conveys very little faith. Tommy doesn’t know what this is or how to help. 

Suddenly you stop moving and Joel snaps his attention back to you, looking into your dark eyes as your lips tremble with woundless words rolling off your tongue. Your eyes didn’t even look black anymore, they were shattered, torn and burned with wickedness. Inhaling shakily and moving your lips fast like you were chanting a silent spell, Joel watches you arch your back and twist your body. A faint whisper could be heard, small and hushed at first, but as the man leaned down and tilted his head to the side, he could make out what you were saying. “Get out of the way, Joel! Move now, move!” 

A higher powered, striking command all from a whisper, Joel couldn’t fight it even if he wanted to. Lifting his weight from where he was pinning you down, he pulls to the side and jolts with terror as you shot upright in your position, your back still arched and your neck tilted back as you look up at the sky. Your arms dart out at your sides, grabbing handfuls of the earth beneath you and he lowers his gaze to watch as that darkness finds an escape. 

The snow melts and reveals the grass, but it quickly changes as whatever you were releasing from your body, disfigures it. It looked like tar. Thick, soupy black tar bubbling around your hands and as soon as the blackness fades from your eyes, you take a deep screeching inhale for air, manage to call out for Joel then fall backwards as if you were knocked out. The man instantly scrambles to your side, shaking you by the shoulders to try and wake you, but to no avail. 

Fear rattles through his bones as he suspects the worst, but the sound of your heart reassures him. It’s steady, strong, healthy, but you aren’t moving at all. It’s like you're dormant. “Joel.” Tommy calls his name and he lifts his head to look. Seeing Melinda sitting up now with worry and confusion on her face, but that’s not all. The woman looks ten years younger. Her skin no longer wrinkled with age, it was flourishing and her hair was bouncy, blooming with colour. She brought her hands up and looked at her own skin with wonder in her bright green eyes. 

“H-how…W-what?” Mel mumbles. Shaking her head with furrowed brows, she then looks over to you laying in the snow and her eyes well up with worry. “Y/N.” She gasps. Moving away from Tommy’s arms, the woman lifts your head and lays it in her lap, palming her soft delicate hands across your face. “Silly girl, you could have killed yourself.” Mel whimpers, leaning down to press her forehead to yours. 

Joel lowers his head, feeling the weight of that pit in his stomach as you were so close to leaving this world. Mel had just said it herself, you could have died doing what you did. “We need to take her inside.” He looks back to the older woman when she said that, looking at her with questions. “Carry her up to my spare bedroom and Tommy-” Mel looks to the younger Miller then, laying out a list for him. “Go to the greenhouses and retrieve some Lavender, Goldenrod, Calendula and…” She pauses for a second to look down at you, as if she were waiting for something. The action caught Joel and Tommy’s attention and they both looked at you and listened. 

Rosehip, Sage and Evening Primrose. They hear your voice whisper quietly before Melinda repeats it. You were conversing with her telepathically. The woman didn’t even seem fazed with what the hell had just happened to her, or the fact that you were telling her in your mind to grab all of these flowers and plants. Melinda didn’t care that something was different about you, she only cared about your safety, and that reaction made Joel and Tommy look at each other with hopeful expressions. 

Melinda can be trusted with the knowledge of supernaturals. 

Moving up off the floor, Joel takes you from Mel’s arms and carries you into the house while Tommy quickly makes a move to gather all of those items you requested. You’re okay, but you’re not at 100% and you need those items to help you get there. Rest and a mixture of healing remedies will help get you back to where you want to be, but Joel now has a lot of questions. How do you know about those plants and their healing properties? How do you know that they, in particular, are most important? 

The man wonders what else you know or have learned because he is clueless. Joel didn’t know that these flowers and plants that Jackson were growing even had healing properties to help you. Sure, he knew some of them can be used to help a common cold when mixed into a hot tea or something, but judging from the way Melinda was pulling out all sorts of pots and pans from her cupboard, it looked like she was about to whisk up a batch of some magic potion for you. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, curious to know but the woman spins around and points a finger at him. “I thought I told you to take her upstairs, young man. Go on, get.” She says with an authoritative tone, although Joel could hear the love and concern underneath. “All will be explained in due time. Y/N is our priority right now so take her upstairs and lay her down Mr. Miller.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Nodding, Joel huffs a small chuckle and turns with you held in his arms as he carries you upstairs. Melinda calls out that it’s the first room on the right and that’s where he takes you. Opening up the door was a task, but once it was open, he smiled at the interior. Small, simple and homey. The four post bed with the sheet draped over from above was made of wood which matched the cabinets in the room. There was an old styled fireplace in the wall and the floor was laminated, covered with a large rug to minimize the cold. 

Walking over to the bed, he pulled the sheet back and laid you down on top of the covers. The house was already toasty and the duvet was made of a double thick material. He knows you will find it too hot and decides to use the thin fleece that was folded over the bottom of the bed. After Joel places that over your body and adjusts the pillow beneath your head, he pulls the sheet back over and moves towards the window to close the blinds. 

Joel then moves over to the mounted oil lamps at either side of the bed and lights them up, keeping it a low flame that lit the room with a warm glow. You looked cozy and snug, like sleeping beauty and the man took the seat by the bedside and roamed the expanse of your peacefully sleeping face with his eyes. Whatever this was that you were going through, Joel hates it - he hates not knowing how to help or what to do. He can’t take the pain from you because you’re not in any pain. You were before, but not now. 

As much as he hates to think or even say it, it’s like you’re in some sort of comatose state of rest and there's nothing he can do other than wait. Joel’s train of thought was disturbed by the sounds of his brother entering the house. He could hear Tommy walking into the kitchen, handing the items over to Mel before moving back towards the door to try and fix it. Joel pretty much blew the hinges off when booting it open. He’s shocked the thing is still hanging on, but if his brother can’t fix it - which would come as a surprise - then he will do it himself. It’s the least he could do for Mel, especially since she is the only one who really knows how to help you right now. 

Dead air fills the room as Joel filters out the noise from downstairs. Even with his super hearing, he could barely hear your breath, but your heartbeat rang through his mind clear as day. Still beating steadily, your mind however, was silent. Even when he tried calling for you, there was no answer and he hated that there wasn’t. Although it seems that you’re okay, the man just wants to hear your voice reassure him. It would lift the anxiety that was currently sitting on his shoulders. Those screams that he heard from you earlier were chilling and he wishes to never hear them again from you. They sounded demonic. 

Hesitantly, he leans forward in his chair and slides a hand across the mattress to reach for you, though he pauses briefly before actually taking hold of your hand and nothing is what he felt. Suppose that’s what scares the man most. Your emotions have always been so powerful, but he hasn’t felt anything since you held Melinda and took away whatever was eating at her brain. Joel saw only a glimpse of what you can do and it scares him - your supernatural abilities scare him. 

With a thought of helping you in this state by joining Mel, Joel began to move but your hand gripped his, essentially keeping him close. Feeling the way your hand squeezed his, it was as if you were pleading for him to stay with you, so he did. Joel moves the chair closer and brings his other hand across the bed to clasp both of them over yours, reassuring you with touch that he isn’t going anywhere. He may not be able to hear or feel you, but it seems as though you can hear and feel him. 

Your muscles relax with a faint sigh escaping your lips, and the noise was physical relief for him. No words could explain the emotions Joel felt in that exact moment. It felt like a tsunami washed over and flooded him with reassurance, then as the water recedes and his mind clears, it couldn’t be any more obvious about how he feels about you. 

“I love you, Y/N.” He admits, putting his emotions into words for you to hear. Even though it didn’t bring you out of this sleeping state that you’re in, it doesn’t matter because he knows you heard him. Tearing his eyes away from you as the bedroom door creaks open, Tommy and Melinda enter holding a large pot. The smell struck Joel immediately, making his face contort and nearly gag. 

It was a foul smelling batch of something, not at all what he was expecting it to smell like. “Okay Tommy, we’ll take it from here.” Says Melinda after the pot was carefully lowered to the floor beside the bed. Rolling up her sleeves and putting gloves on, she held up another pair and looked over at Joel. “Come here, young’un.” 

Tommy, who was currently pinching his nose, nods to his brother before exiting the room and closing the door. Joel now wonders what he and Melinda will be doing, but doesn’t object if it means helping you. Standing from the chair, he moves around the bed and shakes off his jacket, then begins to roll up his sleeves while Melinda lays a blanket across the floor just in front of the fireplace. 

After Joel had put his gloves on, Melinda requested him to lift you off the bed and onto the blanket on the floor. “I ain’t even gonna ask.” The man mumbles after looking at what's inside the pot. The texture of it is like mud, but the colour is mint green. Shrugging it off, Joel turns to you now and carefully slips his hands under your body before lifting you off the bed and once you are laid out on the blanket, Mel begins removing your clothes. 

Joel never thought he’d feel uncomfortable around you in your underwear, but the feeling he had while kneeling at your side didn’t feel good. You're almost naked, still unconscious and unaware of what's happening. “She knows.” Mel whispers, as if she had read his thoughts. She looks at him with a smile on her lips, nodding. “Y/N wanted you to be here. She knows what we’re doing, don’t worry son.” 

“What exactly is it that we’re doing, Mel?” Joel sighs, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. The woman dunks two hands into the pot and transfers a large glob of the substance onto your body. “We’re going to cover her body in this stuff then wrap her up in the blanket to make sure it molds.” 

“Why, what will it do?” Joel asks while grabbing handfuls of the substance from the pot as well, lathering up your skin with a hefty amount. Melinda holds another handful of the mixture over your face, but pauses to reassure Joel as he looks at her with concern. “The mixture is going to harden after we light the fire. The healing properties will be locked in tight around Y/N’s body and in three days she will break throu-”

“Excuse me.” Joel interrupts her with a scoff, eyes wide with disbelief. “Did you just say three days?... Y/N is going to be stuck like this for three days?”

“Yes.” Mel confirms before carefully covering your face and hair with the sludge. Joel’s shoulders sink while watching her cover your nose and mouth. How will she breathe? He asks himself, worrying for you. The man didn’t like what he was doing or what you were going through at all, but if it helps you then so be it. After your body was completely covered and wrapped tightly in the blanket, Joel started the fire while Melinda cleaned up any mess that got on the floor. 

“Would you mind if I stay a while?” He asks after everything had been dealt with and you were taken care of. “I don’t want to leave her right now.” 

“Stay as long as you’d like to, son.” Melinda places a hand to Joel’s shoulder with a gentle squeeze before pulling back and leaving the room. Now that he had another moment alone, he fell back onto the edge of the bed and buried his face into the palms of his hands. He’d do anything right now just to hear your voice. 

Rubbing his temples, the day had been long and exhausting for him. If he feels this tired, then he can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. “I’m sorry babydoll.” Joel looks up and talks to you, to the wrapped up blanket in front of the fire. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you seriously earlier. I know this is scary for you, I understand that now more than ever. Forgive me, darlin’.” 

Kicking his shoes off and pulling back the sheet on the bed, Joel climbs in and lays down to rest. The next three days are going to be hell without you, but he isn’t leaving. He’s going to make sure that he’s present when you break out of that shell. Consider it selfish, but Joel wants to be the first person that you see when you come out of this. 

The man falls asleep dreaming about you and other than a brief disturbance from the door opening with Melinda peeping her head inside to check on him, there weren't any more disruptions after that. Joel slept through the evening and night, all the way up until the early hours of the morning. The sounds of floorboards creaking broke his peaceful slumber and he stirs, however the sounds of something cracking open awakes him fully and he shoots up to look at you. 

The fire still blazed, but nothing about you had changed. The substance and the blanket was still wet, it hadn’t dried at all during the night. Sighing as he lay back down, Joel closes his eyes and relaxes once again. Light wasn’t slipping through the blinds yet so it must be in the early hours of the morning, much too early to get up and walk around the house when it isn’t his house to walk around in. Joel didn’t want to disturb Melinda, even though he’s fairly certain that she wouldn’t mind if he were to go downstairs and make a hot beverage.

Instead, Joel decided to think about you again, the images of your pretty eyes and beautiful smile in his mind soothing him back to sleep quickly, until he heard that cracking noise followed by the floorboards creaking again. Shaking his head at himself, he was annoyed at the tricks his mind was playing on him. Joel wanted to believe that those noises were you breaking free from the shell, but it wasn’t possible. Melinda said you’ll be stuck in there for three days and the thing hasn’t even dried yet. 

Tutting to himself, he turns over and ignores the sounds that aren’t even there, however the next thing he hears opens the man’s eyes once again. It was you, your voice whispering his name. The covers behind him ruffle, the bed dips like someone was climbing inside and then, he feels something soft against his cheek. A kiss. Dumbfounded with what on earth he was imagining, Joel reasons with himself and believes that he must be dreaming these things, but your kisses prove otherwise. He can physically feel them. 

“Look at me handsome, I’m right here.” You say softly, the sound of your voice damn near bringing the man to tears, however he can see that tightly wrapped blanket still laying in front of the fire. There’s no way you can actually be behind him. “Joel, baby please.” You persist, slipping your hand around him, the touch making blood rush to a certain area in his body. It’s a dream, it has to be, but he misses you too much to care anyways. 

Turning around ever so slowly, your hair is the first thing to come into view, then your eyes and lastly, your beautiful smile. Joel sighs heavily with closed eyes before re-opening them to see that you were still there, looking at him. “Hi baby.” You giggle softly, lips trembling as you lean in to kiss him. He kisses you back slowly and gently at first, but then it becomes fervent the more he tastes. You’re sweet, delicious. 

“Hm, babydoll.” He hums deeply. Your hands roam across his chest, drawing out the sexiest noises from him as he moves closer, desperately wanting more of your sweet tasting kisses. Cupping one hand over your cheek with his other hand on your lower back, Joel kisses you like it was the last time he’ll ever kiss you. This is too real to be a dream, therefore he has to ask you. “Darlin’, is this real, are you really here?” 

“Yes, and no.” You mumble while shifting your position to straddle his hips. Breaking off the kiss, you pull your shirt over your head then hook your fingers under his. “I need you right now, Joel. I’ll explain everything later.” 

“Okay.” He breathes with a nod. Removing his shirt while you remove your pants and underwear, he manages to reach for his belt buckle before you bat his hands away and do it for him. The little mischievous laughs escaping your lips bring a smile to his face. Whether this is real or not certainly doesn’t matter because it’s real for Joel. Once all clothes are removed, you sink down on his lap and grind your bare heat across his crotch, moaning from the sensations it was giving you. 

“Joel.” You whisper his name, directing his attention away from your glistening pussy back to your eyes. “Hm?” He jerks his chin out, licking his lips with a dire need to be inside of you and feel your warm clench around his cock, though you had someone on your mind to say. He can tell. Leaning down and resting your elbows to the pillow behind his head, your pert nipples press into his chest as you hold his gaze. “I heard you, baby - loud and clear.” You say with a warm smile, eyes beginning to gloss over. “I forgive you, and I love you too.” 

Shakily breathing into the kiss on your lips, he knew you heard him and was feeling euphoric to hear you say those three words back. Joel doesn’t know how this is possible, you’re laying in front of the fire wrapped up in a blanket and laying on top of him right now. He doesn’t understand, but he isn’t going to ruin an important moment in his relationship with you by asking all the questions he has. Instead, he is just going to relish every passing second of this magical experience with you because he doesn’t know how long it will last. 

“Mhm fuck.” Grunting as you take him in hand, Joel digs his feet into the mattress and holds onto your hips as you prepare to take him inside of you. He was preparing too. Bracing for that exquisite first thrust. After coating his cock with your desire, you notch him at your entrance then hold your hands to his chest. “Oh Joel.” You moan when sinking down, taking him all. 

“Christ darlin’.” Joel groans breathily. Fingers digging into your skin, he struggles to keep quiet as you slowly begin to rock your hips, but you toss your head back with a mewling reassurance. “It’s okay… No one can hear us outside of the sheet around the bed.” 

“J-Jesus…” Letting go of the moans he was holding back, Joel meets your actions halfway and bucks his hips up off the bed, hitting that soft spongy spot inside. “Fuck! Are you sure?” He asks through gritted teeth and when you moan an exceptionally loud ‘yes’ in response, he wonders what else you can do. “H-how are you doing that?”

“Handsome, you won’t even believe the things that I can do.” You whine with a naughty smile on your lips. Holding onto his biceps with a tight grip, you pick up your pace and begin bouncing on his cock. The tension very quickly begins to build in Joel’s lower stomach and his orgasm approaches with lightning speed. He fights back the urge to release, wanting you to cum first, but he couldn’t. It was powerful sex, like you were purposely drawing it out of him. “Darlin’, I’m gonna cum if yer don’t slow down.” He warns. 

“I know, I want you to.” You whimper while slamming your hips down onto his. “Cum inside of me, it’s gonna be okay - please.” Pleading and panting through the pleasurable sensations of his cock thrusting up into you, Joel sits up and wraps both arms around your back to pull you in much closer. The sweat clings to your bodies, sticking your skin together as you grind on him. Pressing your forehead to his, you breathe your broken cries into his face and dig your nails into his skin with your orgasm reaching its peak. 

“Joel!” You wail as he groans your name. Still grinding your hips into his, riding out your orgasm, Joel grabs handfuls of your ass with the over-stimulation on his cock. “Nughh! D-darlin’.” He babbles a strangled groan. Burying his face into your neck with heavy breaths, he bites the skin, thus causing you to arch your back with another cry of his name, yet your movements don’t slow down. 

Feeling another orgasm quickly approaching, it surprised Joel as he usually takes a small break in between each round, which is more so for your benefit and not his, however your supernatural abilities must have boosted your sexual energy because you were hungry for more. After your second orgasm blew through your body, your legs began to shake and Joel was surprised for a second time as you kept on for round three. Thinking he would take some of the load off you, he moves up onto his knees and you wrap your legs around his back. 

“Ready darlin’?” He asks, almost rhetorically. You know what he is about to do and you were ready for it. Joel holds onto the underside of your thighs and begins pounding into your cunt, drawing out the most pornographic sounds from deep inside of you. Your pussy squelching around his cock, squeezing him tighter and tighter, while you cried with pleasure. The man grunts deeply, getting high off your warm velty walls clenching around him, eliciting him to mutter filth against the shell of your ear. “Oh that’s it, Y/N. Take it, babydoll. Take my cock, that’s a good girl.” 

“Fuck!” You heave, scratching at his back as you gasp for air, but not before throwing back some of his own dirty words. “Give it to me, Joel or is this all you got?” 

Suddenly, Joel throws you down on the bed then yanks you around to lay on your front. The action makes you giggle before he pushes your face into the duvet with one hand, then uses his other to arch your back before thrusting his cock back inside of you. Mewling now with the stretch, the angle provided him to bury deeper and before you could adjust, he pulled his hips back then slammed them back home again, essentially knocking the breath out of your lungs each time. 

Using your body like his own personal fuck doll, Joel grunts and groans from above while pounding into your pussy, still speaking with a dirty tongue. “Wanted this, didn’t you?” He smacks your ass, drawing out a cry from you. “There you go, Y/N. Let me hear all those pretty sounds you make.” 

Gradually becoming a feral whimpering mess beneath him, you writhe against the bedsheets from his punishing pace of pleasure. Your hands grasp at the blanket with lewd sounding moans muffled into the covers. Just the sound of Joel fucking you was enough to get you off. The man sounded desperate to release himself inside of you again, but you know he wanted to discipline you with his dick for as long as he could before then. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He growls, using strength to thrust harder. Balls slapping against your clit, the added stimulation was pushing you closer to the edge and yet, you still wanted more. “Babe.” You beg. Removing your hands from the blankets and bringing them around your back, you spread your ass cheeks, hoping he would pick up on what you want. And he did, loud and clear. 

“Oh, you dirty girl.” He teases before spitting over your puckered hole. You clench from the feeling, then relax again and prepare for the breach. Slowing down his movements, Joel rubs your tight ring of muscle with his thumb before pushing the tip inside. Your eyes screw shut with the sting, as if it were painful, but your body pushes back onto his hand, silently asking for more, which he gave. “Hm.. so fucking tight.” He says, burying his thumb right down to the knuckle. “Gotta work you open, don’t we darlin’? So I can stick my cock in there someday.” 

“Yes - yes we do.” You breathe, nodding anticipatingly into the blankets. Joel got to work with fucking you at a fast pace while removing his thumb from your ass then burying it inside again. The mixture of pain and pleasure was beautiful, making your eyes roll to the back of your head with deep, guttural moans erupting from your throat. It felt so fucking good, and a part of you wants his cock inside instead of his thumb, but you know it would be too soon. You need practice before reaching that point, and besides, Joel’s cock is huge, therefore it would definitely hurt. 

“Gonna cum for me, doll?” He requests. Looking down and seeing his cum spill out of your pussy each time he pulls his hips back, he loves the sight of it and wants to fill you up with more. When you don’t answer him, he snaps forward, thus causing you to cry out as you lift your head from the blanket. “Yes! I'll cum for you, yes!”

“Good girl.” Joel praises, then resorts to a slower, more gentle-like pace, grinding in and out of your cunt. Your orgasm approaches softly, taking its time as it ripples across your body, burning your chest with desire while casting a white blanket of stars behind your eyes, then Joel gasps sharply before blowing out a delectable breathy moan of your name, spilling his seed deep inside. You could feel him emptying himself, coating your walls with his warmth. 

“Jesus, that feels so good.” You whisper, pushing your hips back, which causes him to shudder with sensitivity. After gently removing his thumb, you gasp then moan from the loss when he pulls out of your cunt. Relishing in the post-coital bliss for a few seconds, you dart up and stop Joel from exiting the bed. “No, don’t.” You reach out, pull back to lay beside you and explain. “You’ll break the seal if you leave and I don’t want to go back just yet.” 

“What do you mean, darlin’?” He asks with furrowed brows as you both move to lay down at the top of the bed again. Resting your cheek to his chest, you look up into his eyes and explain what you can with the little time that you have left. “I’m supposed to be in that blanket by the fire, healing, but I used up some energy to come see you.” 

“How?” Joel chuckles, shaking his head with bemusement. His wonder and intrigue to know makes you smile, therefore you feel excited to share just a little of what you’ve learned. “Neither of us are really here right now. Our physical bodies are not here. We’re inside the spiritual realm, so if you move out of the bed, you’ll break the seal and we’ll both go back.” 

“But… Isn’t the spiritual realm the after life?” Joel asks, concerned to know exactly what you mean. He brings his hand up and holds your arm, as if you would disappear if he were to let go. “Sort of.” You smile with a shrug. “We’re in between right now. When I leave, you’ll go back to where you’re supposed to be and so will I.” 

“I-I don’t even know what to say.” The man shakes his head with disbelief, though he chuckles. “You’ve just explained it and yet, I somehow still don’t quite understand.” 

“It’s okay, I don’t fully understand any of this either.” You reassure and chuckle with him, but the moment is short lived as you feel your time running out. “I have to leave soon, baby. If I don’t get back in time, we’ll both be stuck here forever.” 

“How long do I have with you?” Joel sighs with dread, bringing his face close to rub his nose against yours. Pecking his lips a couple times, you smile and whisper that it’s just a few minutes. You wish it could be longer, but sadly, you can’t hold up the veil for too long and the last thing you want is to be stuck in between life and death with no way out. “I don’t want to say goodbye, darlin’.” Joel murmurs with closed eyes, the statement stabbing your gut. 

“I know, I do too.” You weep, holding back your tears. “I’ll be back, Joel - I promise.” 

Cupping the side of your face and holding you there, he takes his time with his kisses, remembering how each one felt. The fact that he and you are in between life and death right now scares the hell out of him. He could have lost you today and that thought alone makes the man want to hold onto you forever, but he has to let go so you both can get back to where you’re supposed to be. He doesn’t want to leave you, but he has to. 

“Don’t mope around me in this room, Joel.” You pull back and hold a hand to the side of his face, gazing into his eyes. “It’ll do you no good just waiting for me to come outta that thing. Trust me baby, you’ll be the first person I visit when I get out - no matter where you are, I promise you will see me first.” 

“Okay, darlin’.” He nods, understanding what you’re saying. You could hear him beating himself earlier and you don’t want him to be here doing nothing but twiddling his thumbs while he waits for you to heal. Keeping your promise in mind, he smiles reassuringly and places one last kiss on your lips. 

“Close your eyes, handsome.” You whisper, not wanting him to be afraid as you prepare to depart. You can feel his worry, it’s strong and powerful. When he closes his eyes, you kiss his knuckles once then disappear with a fading ‘I love you’. It physically pained you to leave him, but you had to. 

“I love you too.” Joel replies, shaking his head as he could no longer feel you at his side anymore. After a moment, he finally opens his eyes and sees the light shining through the blinds. It wasn’t daylight just a second ago, but the sun blared through now. Too focused on his surroundings, he didn’t even hear the footsteps outside the bedroom door and jumped when it opened with Tommy entering. “Oh, you are awake.” He jibes, tutting at him. “Didn’t you hear me call your name three times? God, I feel what dad did when he woke you up for school.” 

“Whatever bro.” Joel chuckles, shaking his head and climbs out the bed. “As I recall, you were just as bad as me.” 

“Yeah well, that was twenty plus years ago so get over it.” Tommy chuckles too then jerks his head to the side. “C’mon. Me and Mel made breakfast. You’ll be hungry I bet, considering you’ve been asleep since yesterday evening.” 

“Uh-huh.” He rolls his eyes at his brother, though he smirks too. As Tommy heads downstairs, Joel grabs his shoes and looks to the wrapped up blanket in front of the fire. A pang of sadness washes over him knowing that you’re in there and he can’t do anything about it, but still, he thinks about the promise you made and pushes those emotions away. You’re coming back, you promised him. 

After visiting the bathroom, he makes his way downstairs and into the kitchen, greeting a good morning to Mel and thanking her for letting him stay the night, to which she brushes off like it was no big deal. “No need to thank me.” She says, shaking her head. “It’s quite alright young man.” 

“I like you Mel.” Joel nods, looking down at the plate of food before him with hungry eyes. “You’re the only woman in my family who calls me a young man, not an old man.” 

“Oh, so I’m family now?” The woman holds a hand over her heart, conveying how honoured she felt. Joel chuckles, but he nods and expresses how sincere he was. “Y/N’s family is mine now too. She cares about you, Mel and so do I.” 

“Thank you.” Mel smiles, appreciating the bold statement he had just made, one that caught Tommy’s attention as his jaw dropped with excitement in his eyes. “Oh shit.” He gasps, looking between Joel and Mel. “Does this mean you’re marrying Y/N? Is my brother finally settling down with the right lady?”

“Hold yer damn horses. Who said anything about marriage?” Joel shakes his head while forking up mouthfuls of beans. He was really hungry and could barely wait to eat, though his brother had a hunger for prying into other peoples business. “Uh, as I recall, you just said that.” Tommy retorts, using his brother's prior words against him and still smiling like a big ol’ goofball as he quotes Joel. “Y/N’s family is mine now too.” 

“And?” Joel shrugs, still shaking his head. “I don’t see what you’re getting at.” 

“Uh-huh, alright Joel.” Tommy leans back into his chair, acting like he had stumbled across some big secret. Joel just ignores him and goes back to his food. Marriage wasn’t on his mind because it’s too soon to marry you, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t thought about it. Sure, of course Joel has thought about it and he knows you are the woman he will be marrying someday, but that day isn’t any time soon, not until he knows you’re ready for it at least. 

“So, did you finish reading that book?” Joel asks, changing the topic of conversation, to hopefully learn more about you and what it is exactly that you are - because you are different from everyone else, that’s for sure. “Is she really the moon? That would explain how she can control our shifts.” 

“Well actually, Y/N is a descendant of the physical embodiment of the moon.” Tommy reports, though after seeing the look on his brother's face that clearly displays that he has absolutely no idea what that means, Tommy explains better for him. “Selene was the name of the woman in that memoir. She was the physical embodiment of the moon, but she’s no longer around now as it was centuries ago, and now, Y/N is the physical embodiment of the moon - meaning, she is a goddess, a moon goddess.” 

“Wow… A goddess?” Joel leans back, taking in what his brother was saying. The man smiles, feeling a sense of pride for you. Just being in the presence of a goddess felt amazing, let alone loving one that loves him back. “That’s quite something. We’ll let her know carefully, I don’t want to freak her out.” 

“Um..” Tommy mumbles then looks to Melinda for help. Joel looks between them both, instantly picking up that there is something they’re not telling him, but he waits patiently for them to say it. “I think Y/N already knows.” Says Mel. She leans back too, as if preparing herself to explain. “When Y/N did whatever it was she did to me yesterday, I could see some things. I don’t think she intended for me to see them, nor did she mind, I just think she was overwhelmed and it somehow spilled into me” 

“Okay…” Joel nods for Mel to continue and share more. “Well, she had accessed a lot of information and learned everything there was to know about herself. So… We think she may already know.” She says. 

“That explains some things.” Joel nods again, understanding how Y/N could bring him to the spirit realm earlier, however Mel and Tommy now wonder what he means by that. After noticing their interest, he shrugs and explains the best he could. “Y/N visited me this morning. We were on some spiritual plane of existence, it was magnificent she could do that and also explains how she could do it.” 

“Dimensional travel.” Tommy mutters, smiling with amazement. “Gabriel reported that Selene could travel through the dimensions, amongst a whole list of other abilities, but I bet there is more that he didn’t know about.” 

“Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me, little brother.” Joel admits. Reaching for his coffee and taking a mouthful, he hums with the taste and thanks Mel again for making him breakfast, especially for his favourite hot beverage. The woman, yet again, waves him off, which makes him appreciate her hospitality even more. As Joel thinks about what he has learned from his brother, it makes him wonder about your bloodline. “You said Y/N is a descendant right?” He asks, and when Tommy nods, he asks another question. “So does that mean her mom was a goddess too, but when she passed on, Y/N became the physical embodiment of the moon?” 

“Oh shit.. Yeah.” Tommy sighs, thinking about the story that you shared before about your mother. He looks to Joel then and jogs his memory. “Do you remember what she told us that day up in the ski-lodge? About how she thought her mom was magical? I mean, it all makes sense, doesn’t it?” 

“Yeah.” Joel agrees, as does Melinda, who adds to the conversation with her own knowledge about you and your mother. “Y/N shared with me that her mom ran away from her marriage before Y/N was born because the father was aggressive.” 

Joel and Tommy look at each other with that piece of information and suspect there is a correlation. “Did Y/N say what happened?” Joel asks, knowing that it would be a personal thing to share, but he has a feeling that you wouldn’t mind if this correlation is correct. 

“Well um, from what she shared with me, I gathered that her father had suffered from depression after his accident. He had a collision on the road, killed a woman and her child, and unfortunately, became aggressive with Y/N’s mother after that. ‘Every month’, I recall Y/N saying. ‘Every month it would get worse and worse for my mom until she eventually had enough and left before I was born’.”

Again, Joel and Tommy look at each other with what they were learning. Without it being confirmed by you of course, the brothers can only suspect for now that your father was a werewolf too and he became aggressive each month with the shift. Gabriel said in his memoir that the Wolf and the Moon came together, what if they caused a lasting chain of events that brought all wolves and moons together? It would explain the suspicion that your father had the werewolf gene and your mother found him, then how you found Joel and Tommy. You have a connection with werewolves - natural enemies that attract each other. 

“What’s all the silence about?” Melinda asks, clearly picking up on Joel and Tommy knowing something that she doesn’t. The prior thought that the brother had about Mel, about how she can be trusted, came back to their minds. They wondered if they should share what they are and clue her in on the secret. “You know I am a mother, boys and I can clearly tell when you’re hiding something.” The woman scoffs and it was enough to make Tommy and Joel come to a decision. 

“Mel.” Tommy turns to the woman, reaching out for her hand on the table. She looks at him with concern and he hears in her mind that she was worried it was something terrible about you, not him. “There isn’t any easy way to say this so I’m just going to come out with it.” He cringes, looking to his brother briefly then back to Melinda. “Me and Joel are supernatural too - we are werewolves.” The woman bursts into a fit of giggles, shaking her head with disbelief. “Yeah right, and I’m a vampire.” She says, still, with disbelief. 

Until she looks at Joel and sees his glowing red eyes - then she believes. 

Two Days Later 

Anxiously pacing back and forth in Melinda’s living room, Joel was growing more impatient with each passing second. Today is the day you wake up, but you’re taking your sweet time with it and he physically cannot wait any more. 

“Good lord, will you sit down?” Mel snaps her book shut and looks up at him. “It ain’t doing you no good waiting around for her to wake up.” 

“Hm, that’s funny.” Joel sighs a chuckle then takes a seat on the sofa. “Y/N said the same thing.” 

“Us women think alike, you see.” Mel hums, leaning back into her chair to relax with a smirk on her lips. “We know how much men can be a pain in the ass sometimes.” 

Chuckling again, Joel appreciated Mel’s wit and humour, especially at a time like this when he needs it most. He wouldn’t be so worked up if it wasn’t nearing midnight. Approaching another day without you would be torture. Joel can’t explain why, but it feels so unbelievably terrible not having you here and his emotions are erratic. Still unable to feel your emotions, he’s in the dark and hates that he is. As the clock hand tick, tick, ticks around, he becomes testy again and taps his leg against the floor - which Mel notices and gives him a stern look. 

“Sorry.” He mumbles then lays his head back on the sofa with a sigh. “Guess I underestimated my strength to manage without my moon.” 

“Oh, that’s sweet, Joel.” Melinda babbles with a cheery tone. The woman blushes on your behalf, feeling the love and sentiment that Joel has for you. She simply loves love and it’s been nothing but pleasure watching you and Joel come together. Despite being natural enemies. That comment made the woman laugh when the Miller brothers explained everything and how you came to know the secret with all of your investigation work. 

She can’t lie that it took her by surprise and even scared her a little to find out about Tommy and Joel, but she had known the pair for years now and those little fears quickly subsided. It's what's on the inside that counts and she knows that they’re good men inside and out, however for as long as she has known Joel Miller, she has never seen the man so worked up like this before. Melinda can see how much he physically misses you being around. You provide more for that man than he even knows, but Mel thinks he is beginning to see that. 

When the clock passes midnight, she watches as Joel shakes his head with closed eyes and tries to reassure him. “Maybe Y/N just needs more time. You could stay the night again, if you like?” 

“Oh no, I couldn’t Mel.” The man shakes his head, feeling like a burden. “You’ve already provided so much for me these last coup’la of days. It’ll be okay, I’ll wait another half hour and if nothin’ changes, then I’ll head home.”

“Are you sure?” She asks, expressing again that it really was no big deal, but Joel assures that it was okay. Assuming that you do need more time, it would make sense considering you used up some energy to visit him. He doesn’t regret what happened that morning, not for a second, but he regrets adding more time into that prison cell you were encased in. 

As more and more time passes with no show from you, Joel had enough of waiting around and figured it would be best to head home. You promised you’d come see him right away anyways, and besides, it’s getting late so Mel would probably be heading to bed soon. That is if Joel hadn’t kept her up. 

“I’m gonna head home.” Joel says, standing up from the sofa. Mel stood too and he pulled the woman in for a brief hug. “Thank you for having me, Mel. I appreciate it a lot-” Pulling back, he cuts her off before the words could spill from her mouth. “I know, I know, I don’t need to thank you, but I wanted to nonetheless.” 

“Well, I thank you too.” Mel accepts his gratitude instead of telling him there was no need to thank her. Walking him towards her door, she waves him goodbye as he walks down the steps then closes the door. Alright, sweet. He’s on his way to you. She says with her inner voice, knowing that you are waiting for him. 

Thank you, Mel. You’re the best. You say, practically giggling with mischief. I made a promise to Joel, but I’ll come see you tomorrow. First thing in the morning, okay?

Okay, see you soon. The woman beams, missing the sight of your face too, but she knows that Joel has missed you so much more and needed to see you first. She understood. As Mel got ready for bed, you were at the bottom of Joel’s stairs waiting for him to get home. You planned to surprise him right from the start and it was only a half hour that you got out of the curing mold. Feeling like a new woman, you could feel the power radiating off you and plan to use it for good things, but right now, Joel is your priority. 

The man you love is your priority. 

As the door clicks open, you struggle to remain still as Joel enters with his head hung low. He didn’t even notice you, he was brooding about you not showing up. Smiling as he locks the door, kicks off his shoes then removes his jacket, he finally turns and his mouth falls open. “Y/N?” He asks, not knowing for certain if you were really here or not. 

“Yes, handsome. I'm here - really here.” You giggle. Standing up and straightening your back, Joel looked up and down your body in awe. You were wearing a dress. A white dress, elegant and sexy, hugging your figure in all the right places with a tiara made of flowers around your head. He couldn’t stop staring. Like seeing you for the very first time and falling in love all over again, the man simply couldn’t get enough of the sight of you. 

“These are what my ancestors would wear to represent the beauty of a moon goddess.” You smile, finally taking his eyes away from your body as he looks at your face. “I thought it would be fitting to wear them as I take you on a little tour.” Tilting his head with confusion, Joel sees the two bags packed by your feet and wonders what you have planned. Excitement floods his body and that smile of yours screams surprise. “I want to take you away from here for twenty four hours, on an adventure where I can show you everything that I learned. Only if you’d like to, of course?” You ask, to which Joel strides across the floor and takes you in his arms with a heated kiss. 

“Yes.” He mumbles into your mouth. “Yes. I’d love to, babydoll.” 

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Tagging

Werewolf!Joel taglist: @kirsteng42 @marydjarin @extraneous-trip @dins-cyare @supernaturalgirl20 @supernaturalgirl @joelsflannel @luvmeijii @hb8301 @squidwell @superawesomegeek @trickstersp8 @scorpio-marionette @formulafun

#joel miller #joelmiller #joel miller fics #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller fiction #joel miller au #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #werewolf!joel miller x fem reader #werewolf!joel miller x y/n #werewolf!joel miller x you #werewolf!joel #werewolf fiction #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joelmillerfluff #pearlyfics #follow 👑 share ❤️ enjoy 🍑 #enjoyreaders

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Chp1 || Chp2 || Chp3 || Chp4 || Chp5 || Chp6 || Chp7 || Chp8 || Chp9 ||

Pairing: Werewolf!Joel Miller x You (F!Reader)

Summary: Looking back on how your life has turned out this far, you often wonder if you got more than you bargained for when finally finding your safe haven within the walls of Jackson. They have it all; food, shelter and electricity, but what else did you come to discover that lives within this thriving community? And how did that discovery change your life?

WC: 7k

Warnings: 18+ Content - Minors DNI. Enemies to Lovers. More tensions between Joel and reader. He's still an intimidating asshole. Teasing and maybe even a little flirting too. Mentions of sex at the end, but not a lot of detail.

AN: Oh wow! Okay, the tensions are building nicely, not too much and not too little. I would say this chapter is focused more around Joel and Reader's progression, more is to come my loves. I already have a little written out for chapter four. Thank you <;3.

Ok, think, Y/N, think. You have The Bible of Mythological Creatures, a whole section on werewolves filled with information, but no strategy to find out who it is. 

Pacing around your living room and conversing with your inner voice, your whole focus was on finding the safest way to identify the werewolf - preferably a plan that won't kill you in the process. After the other night's debacle on wall duty, Maria is still deciding whether or not you can continue taking shifts. You’re not dumb, you know Joel is really the one who behind all of this.

You know that if you were to see the wolf out there, you’d abandon your post again to follow it, and Joel knows that too, but as that decision is still yet to be made, your schedule for the day has been spared. You don’t have work tonight, and you don’t have to gather tokens to pay Ginny back. That moose that you caught was in good condition, and Maria allowed you to keep it, which brought you one hundred tokens that you handed straight over to Ginny for the book. You’ve been spending the past two days off work focusing on one task like it was a mission. 

The werewolf. Identifying the werewolf is your mission. 

You already know their strengths, you’ve read the chapter four times over now and their strengths are burned into your brain. Super enhanced abilities such as hearing, strength, smell and healing, whoever the werewolf is, they’re a thousand times more powerful than you and you have to tread carefully. Weaknesses. What are their weaknesses?

That list is sadly a lot shorter, but they’re the only advantages you have. Starting off first is wolfsbane, which you already know is going to be an extremely tough plant to find, but luckily the second advantage on the list is fire. Simple and easy to craft, it is said to be effective according to that book, and last on the list is Silver. It slows down the healing ability of a werewolf and can even kill if penetrated through the heart. Bullets and arrow heads need to be crafted, but hopefully you shall never find yourself in the position to use them. 

Hopefully. Sighing pessimistically, you slump onto the sofa with your head held in your hands. I’m getting too far ahead of myself. 

Taking a pause to breathe through your sudden wave of panic, you lifted your head and looked through the book one more time. Instead of jumping the gun and preparing for a battle that’s not even there to begin with, you need to figure out the signs and symptoms that someone is a werewolf first. Just play it cool, keep a low profile and do your investigations quietly while gathering more information.

Lookout for the tell-tale signs that you’re dealing with a werewolf - you read this chapter again with a newfound sense of optimism - which are sudden spouts of aggression or cravings for raw meat, long and/or sharp fingernails, unexplained abrasions and scrapes along the arms or legs, excessive hair growth, exceptional speed and agility, and enhanced health. If a human is showing one or more of these signs, then you are likely to be dealing with a werewolf. Move on to the next page and learn how to defend yourself against a were-

Peeling your eyes away from the book and leaning back into your sofa, all of the vital information cycles through your mind on repeat. A headache was slowly beginning to creep its way in by now from all the reading you have done and the only battle you’re facing is your own mind trying to find a solution. You felt hopeless, but refused to feel helpless. Promising yourself that you wouldn’t be afraid anymore, you made a vow to never feel helpless again after all that life has thrown at you so far.

If infected creatures and bandits chasing you through the forest weren’t already bad enough to begin with, adding supernatural wolves into the equation was tipping the scale far too much. You can’t always live your life in fear, especially not after finding safe haven against infected creatures and bandits with an appetite to kill, but are now living with a deadly werewolf amongst the community. Jackson isn’t all that it portrays itself to be. It isn’t 100% safe, and it’s up to you to change that. 

Looking out the window and seeing that the evening sun had set for the night, you thought about having a relaxing bath before bed when you suddenly get an idea. A bright idea that’s beneficial for everyone. Maria’s decision about wall duty - you need to botch your chances of working the wall and get another job role, one that puts you in the heart of the community, up close and personal with the residents so that you can weed out the suspects.

The bar or the restaurant, that would be perfect. You’ll be working inside Jackson then, where Joel can be fooled into thinking you're not snooping around outside for the wolf that he is protecting. Pulling yourself up off the sofa with that thought, you grabbed your coat and headed out your front door. Melinda works in the restaurant, the old lady who you sold the rabbits to the other day, she might be able to help get you a job and what better time to try when the winter cookout is tonight. 

You were originally going to blow it off, but now you have as good of a reason as any to go. Maria will be there too and if she doesn’t approach you with her verdict about wall duty, then you are going to put forth your idea of working alongside Melinda in the restaurant instead. She’s a good woman, trustworthy and unsuspecting. Melinda won’t question why you want to work there, you’ve expressed how much you like her company and amazing cookery skills many times before.

It’s the perfect cover. You smile with that thought as determination practically carries you towards the restaurant. Turning the corner and hurrying down the main street, you can see families spilling in and out of The Jackson's BBQ. It was busy, hellishly busy, the type of crowd that would normally be too big for you to join in, but right now you aren’t focusing on the claustrophobia of it all, you’re focused on your mission. 

Your mission that has officially begun. 

-

“Sweet child, this is wonderful news!” Melinda preens before pulling you in for a suffocating hug. “I need all the help I can get right now and I’m so happy that you are the help.” 

Mumbling an incoherent reply into the woman’s chest, you laughed while patting her back. It was a lovingly strong type of embrace before she pulled away, giving you a chance to catch your breath. “It’s my pleasure, Melinda. I’m looking forward to working with you.” Gosh, I feel so bad.

Smiling through your lies, you didn’t like lying to her even if there was some truth to it. You do look forward to working with the woman, but you’re not here because you have a passion to work as a waitress. You’re here to spy on the residents of Jackson - Joel especially, considering he likes to come in here regularly for a coffee, and you only know that because you’ve been doing reconnaissance on the man since that night outside the church where you shared an interesting conversation. Or rather, it was you leaving the man speechless with your nuanced warning that you’re onto him. 

But he got you back though. Joel got you back for that the moment you entered the restaurant earlier looking for Maria. He came to you with great pleasure in delivering the verdict regarding wall duty on the leaders behalf. You were denied to work the wall again and there was no doubt in your mind that Joel had some influence on that decision, but you didn’t care anyways as it was exactly what you wanted in order for your plan to work effectively.

Understanding that he came to you with that news expecting a reaction, you gave him a little resistance to keep up with your act before walking off to find Maria, where you pretended to be upset about it and then very carefully recommended working with Melinda instead. The plan was playing out smoother than a jazz band. Maria and Joel didn’t seem keen until Tommy agreed with the idea and took it upon himself to persuade his wife on the job role. While you acted like the little innocent bystander during their hushed debate, you were actually taking mental notes on the way Maria and Joel didn’t like that idea much to begin with.

You haven’t even started working here yet and you’re already gathering information and leads. Maybe Maria doesn’t need much influence from Joel because she might know about the wolf too? Imagine that, the leader of Jackson and her brother-in-law protecting a rather dangerous secret. Does that mean Tommy knows too? Jesus, it could be all three of them protecting this secret from everyone.

Suspicions and motives were starting to build in your mind over Melinda’s chatting and you unintentionally blocked the poor woman out, not even hearing that she was asking you a question. “Hm? I’m sorry, what did you say? It’s a little loud here.”  You cringe, shaking your head at yourself for being so rude. 

“I could use your help now, child.” Melinda hikes up her shoulders with a pleading smile. “Please?” 

Nodding to the woman and chuckling at her attempt of puppy dog eyes, you couldn’t possibly say no to her and agreed to work now instead of tomorrow. In hindsight, it was probably a good thing as the majority of Jackson were here this evening and that would provide you a good opportunity to gather intel.

There were so many people that the main doors were opened up with extra tables and chairs set out on the street to accommodate everyone, and while you were tasked to look after the sections outside, it just so happens that the Miller family were sitting out there amongst one of the tables you had to mind for the evening. You can keep an eye on Joel, Tommy and Maria, and who they interact with in particular.

Surely they’d keep the person who is a werewolf close by. 

Following Melinda into the kitchen with those questions swirling around your head, you put on your best smile and acted proper for the ‘customers’ before grabbing a tray filled with different samples of food, each tagged with little flags. One of which had Melinda’s name written on, prompting you to ask her what delectable dish she had whipped up tonight. “Italian style braised rabbit with rosemary and mushrooms.” She reported back with pride in her tone. Scrunching her nose with a bright smile, she held two warm hands to each side of your face and unnecessarily shared her gratitude “I have you to thank for trading the rabbits, Y/N.” 

“No need to thank me, Melinda.” Brushing it off as no big deal, because it really wasn’t a big deal, you gave the old lady a wink and took a deep - confidence boosting - inhale of breath. “Wish me luck out there, I’m gonna need it.” 

“Knock 'em dead, honey. You’ll do just fine.” She yells over the excessive chatter while opening the door for you to exit the kitchen. That confidence boosting inhale was snatched from your lungs and your best smile was wiped clean off your face as you struggled to weave in and out of the tables.

Then, with three kids running right by your feet almost tripping you over, you damn near dropped all the food and had what felt like a thousand eyes on you during your little stumble. Ignoring the burning embarrassment in your cheeks, you looked down to the children's faces who looked up at you almost teary eyed for their mistake. “My, that was a close one, huh little ones?” You spoke with a sweet tone, begging to a higher power that these kids won’t burst into tears. “Oh, don’t let me spoil all the fun now. Go on, sweethearts. Take your time and be careful so that you don’t fall.” 

Sighing a literal breath of relief when all three of them shone cute little smiles before scurrying off to play again, you could still feel everyone's eyes on you. Some people here probably expected you to throw a fit or yell at those children. All thanks to Joel spreading a load of gobbledegook about you working with the bandits, it probably gave people an unfair pre-judgement about you.

Joel fucking Miller. You scoff while exiting the restaurant and seeing the man himself staring directly at you with a smug smile on his face. Honestly, at this point it wouldn’t surprise you one bit if he put those kids up to that little charade. It’s unlikely, they’re just mindlessly playing and having fun, but still, it wouldn’t surprise you if Joel had asked those kids to run right in front of you. Throwing wild accusations around in your head, you stopped at your first table and greeted three smiley middle aged women. “Good evening, ladies.” 

With five little bowls of food dished out onto their table with ease, you turned around to head back inside but halted when hearing someone click their fingers, then you clenched your jaw with annoyance when that someone spoke. Of course, it was Joel. Turning around and walking over to his table, you despised the fact that you smiled when asking him what he would like. You even felt disgusted asking him so nicely too, however he did have his family with him, and you don’t necessarily have any grudges with Tommy, Maria and the young girl at his side who you presume to be his daughter.

“We need more water. Our pitcher is empty.” Joel smirks, leaning back into his chair like he had just said fuck you to your face. It felt like he did. The man was definitely saying it with his eyes, you could practically see the words in his mind as he kept smirking. 

“Thank you, Y/N and you’re doing a great job by the way.” Tommy’s voice cut through the tension. It was like taking a hot knife through a cold stick of butter, instantly directing your attention to the man, you smiled and grabbed the empty pitcher. “Thanks Tommy. I won’t be long with your water, folks. Sit tight.” 

Turning swiftly and walking away, the steam was blowing out of your ears from Joel's taunting tactics. The man didn’t like that you wanted to work here, but it seems as though he has found a way to be okay with it now. He knows you can’t backchat, and you can already feel that he is going to take advantage of that with absolute pleasure.

Once you were in the kitchen, Melinda loaded up another tray for you while you filled the pitcher of water by the sink. The sight of her sweet smile as well as her praising reassurances that you’re doing a good job pushed aside your raging thoughts about Joel. It’s been twenty goddamn years since you worked as a waitress, but it all came back like a reflex.

Taking care of the residents was a piece of cake, as was putting up with the assholes like Joel. Taking the tray from her and heading back out there, weaving in and out of the tables again, you stopped just in time when those same three kids ran past your feet, and lo and behold, when you looked up, Joel was looking directly at you again, this time with a wink. I fucking knew it. I just knew you would do something like this Miller. 

“Hey, you kids like cake, don’t you?” Looking down to the three little gremlins, they nodded excitedly and you smirked with another little bright idea. Kneeling to the floor and bribing them with some extra cake later when it’s served, you simply bought their allegiance. They’re on your side now. Unlike Joel Miller, you won’t use little kids to get back at him. Oh no, you can do that yourself in your own way.

Children are honest, brutally honest too, they’ll tell you straight up how you look when you are a mess, and it was because of that honesty, or maybe your bribe, that prompted one of the kids to whisper into your ear. “It was Eugene.” Oh. So it wasn’t Joel after all? Narrowing your eyes with that, you nodded to the kid and moved him along. “Thank you. Go on and play, kiddo.” 

Standing up and walking away, a woman from a table to your right called your attention with an apology. “Hey, I’m sorry for the trouble. I’ll tell Billy to knock it off.” You appreciated that she wanted to apologize, but it wasn’t her fault or her kids and you waved it off with a smile, to show that there were no hard feelings.

However, just as you were about to walk away, you heard her call for Eugene and followed her line of sight to an exceptionally large, and really hairy man. “Gather the kids and bring them over here. They're running all over the place.” She yells and that man, Eugene, then nodded before looking at you and there was no doubt in your mind now that he is the one behind this whole thing. 

After he gathered the kids, he glanced over to Joel with a nod, which confirmed that not only is he telling these kids to run in front of you, but he’s working with Joel. Maybe he knows about the werewolf - or is the werewolf. He and Joel could be working together to try and intimidate you into keeping your mouth shut. That sounds plausible, but you have zero proof. It’s just a hunch at this point.

Walking back outside and taking the pitcher of water and the food to the Millers table, you didn’t meet Joel’s gaze once before turning around and walking off again. Inside the restaurant, Eugene stared at you as you walked by and when he looked over to Joel for a second time, that hunch was really starting to feel right. 

Eugene is a suspect.

As the night dragged on, you kept busy with waiting tables and making small chit-chat with your customers. Fortunately, there were more benefits to this job change than you anticipated there to be. People chatting with you and making their own judgements would clear your name. They can see for themselves if you’re working for the bandits.

One table besides the Millers even acted dry and curt with you to begin with, but not long after delivering excellent customer service, they began to ease up. You could physically see the residents of Jackson accepting you as one of them. You are one of them. This is your home now and you intend to play your part in a thriving, safe living community. And if that means working as a waitress while secretly investigating the Millers, then so be it. 

You only have the safety of Jackson in mind and it makes you wonder how many of them actually know about the wolf as you look across the floor. Seeing all their happy faces, interacting and chatting with their families while enjoying tasty food, you wonder who else is keeping that secret. You watched that wolf hunt those bandits like it was a sport. The speed it was able to move and the strength it had in order to tear apart four men in the dark, God only knows what would happen if the wolf decided to turn on these people here in Jackson.

Although you have an idea on how bad it could be, you don’t know for sure. Suppose that’s what you really want is reassurances. The werewolf was here before you, does it really mean any harm? Maybe not, but why hide it? Why hide such an incredibly big secret like that when the world isn’t normal anymore, the dead are literally roaming the streets outside. Bloaters and clickers are the freakiest - and the scariest - shit you’ve ever seen before seeing a supernatural wolf. 

Maybe it's because it could be someone in a position of power. Maria and Tommy are the leaders of Jackson, but there are others that are in positions of power here too. Like Joel and Eugene. Joel is the guy everyone looks to when bandits show up outside our gates, he trains groups of newbies how to fight and how to survive out there when on patrol and he’s a weapons expert.

Eugene’s exact job role is a mystery to you right now, but you can tell that whatever he does, it’s important. Sitting at the head of a table inside the restaurant, you watch and see how almost everyone here knows who he is and treats him with respect. Everyone treats everyone with respect, but Maria, Tommy, Joel and Eugene get a little more because of the positions of power they’re in. It’s like their tables are VIP and you can clearly distinguish those VIP tables. 

The Millers sitting outside right beside the Christmas tree. Eugene sitting inside right in the middle of the restaurant. Another table by the bar, all men with the same coloured jackets on that were wearing hardhats. Dam personnel you suspect. Even in the kitchen, Barney is the head of staff and he minds the whole of Jacksons food inventory, who is also hosting the food judging tonight. They’re all working together. The doctors, school teachers, stable hands, weapons handler, scavengers and hunters. Each and every job role you could possibly take on here, there is a boss that reports right back to Maria and Tommy.

It’s not abnormal, of course Maria needs all these other people in each department to help keep Jackson running smoothly, but it again makes you wonder who in each department knows about the werewolf. Can you even move an inch in this town without Maria or Joel knowing about it? They all could be keeping their eyes on you, and that thought alone is worrying. 

“Seth, give me a beer please. I’m desperate here.” Turning around to face the man behind the bar, you couldn’t look across the floor any longer as you felt eyes within the crowd on you. It was a nerve wracking feeling against your back. You could feel that you were being watched, and you just have to play the best role of your life acting like you don’t notice it. 

“I’ll let you have this one, but no more after that, okay?” Seth hands the bottle over, with a half serious warning as he chuckles. “It’s preferable that we don’t have drunk workers running around here, otherwise I’d share one with you.”  

“Ah, that’s quite alright.” Shrugging it off, you understand perfectly that you can’t drink while working. It doesn’t really paint a good image for others, especially the young adults who are the future of this place. Tossing back a couple really big gulps upon hearing Melinda calling for you from the kitchen, you left only a little in the bottle before thanking Seth and getting back to work. You like to enjoy the contents of a beer, not swallow it, however duty calls and your quick break was indeed very quick.

Making your way outside holding a tray filled with desserts, you served them up to your first table and took a quick glance across your section for anyone looking like they’re in need of your service. When you saw that everyone looked satisfied, you made your way inside again to gather another tray of desserts. On your way back however, that little kid Billy flagged you down to ask about his extra serving of cake that you promised him. It made you giggle, but a deal is a deal and you threw him a thumbs up. “Just a second, kiddo. I’ll bring it out for you.”

Gathering another tray full of desserts from the kitchen, but this time with three extra little bowls for those kids, you stopped off at their table first before heading outside. “Why are you giving the kids more?” A deep voice just behind your shoulders asks, bringing a smug smirk to your face. Purposely not answering Eugene right away provided the reaction you were hoping for as he raised his voice. “Excuse me. Who said you can bring out those desserts?” 

Bingo! Turning to face him just like everyone else did, the man instantly recognised the mistake he made and you jumped at the chance to make him look like a fool. Your way of payback. “What’s wrong sir? Billy, Sophie and Justin can’t get dessert like everyone else?” Smiling innocently, you scuffled Billy’s hair and laughed. “Just because they almost tripped me over, doesn’t mean they don’t get a treat-” Looking at his mother now, you brought her into the conversation too. “-As long as that’s okay with you, Mom?”

Judgy whispering filled the air within the restaurant now as everyone looked at the mother, and oh how pleasing it felt when she nodded and smiled at her kid. It was like kicking Eugene to the curb. Looking back at him now, just like everyone else, you smiled one of those ‘fuck you’ kind of smiles and asked. “Is there a problem here, sir? I’d like to get back to work now.” 

“No, ma’am. We’re good here.” Eugene replies, shaking his head with a fake smile. You enjoyed hearing the other tables gossiping amongst themselves about Eugene Linden having a problem with three little kids getting desserts. The sound was like music to your ears, but humiliation to his ears - which were burning right now as you passed him, but not before pausing briefly to whisper. “Don’t send kids to trip me over." 

Walking away with your head held high, you received a lot of approving smiles from all the tables you passed and of course, Joel Miller was wearing a scowl. He heard and saw what happened just now, but didn’t like it at all. Not only did you get a little payback against Eugene, but it was a little payback to the older Miller too. You’ve changed a whole new leaf since that night in the forest. You aren’t the scared helpless woman that you once were, now when you are pushed, you push back. 

“Y/N.” Maria calls your name, which came as no surprise. Looking over and holding up a hand to tell her you’ll just be a second, you finished up delivering the rest of your desserts before going over to her table to hear what she has to say. “What happened? Why did Rebecca's kids get extra dessert?” 

Oops, your little plan wasn’t as flawless as you thought. Act fast, Y/N. “Oh, I don’t know what you mean. I was under the impression that they were still waiting for their dessert, Maria.” You lie like an expert. You’ve had to lie quite a lot tonight but hopefully it won’t come back to bite you in the butt. “I’ll make sure it won’t happen again, sorry about that.” 

“You’ve been really busy tonight. Mistakes happen.” Tommy interjects, putting an arm across his wife's shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Y/N. I’m sure the kids didn’t mind getting another treat.” 

“Thank you, Tommy.” You smile, appreciating his kindness right now under Maria's and Joel's intense stare. After glancing over the table and seeing that their pitcher was empty again, you ask. “Can I get you a refill? Ya’ll have been really thirsty tonight.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joel grumbles, inserting himself into the conversation as he leaned forward and placed his hand onto the table. You looked down, seeing the way he balled his hand into a fist and looked up at you through narrowed eyes. It felt really good to get under his skin. Now especially in a public setting where you can judge the way Tommy, Maria and the young girl reacts to his attitude towards you.  

“Jeez, keep your hair on, Joel. She’s only making conversation.” The young girl scoffs before looking over to you and lifting the empty pitcher. “I’m actually really thirsty and I’d love a refill, thank you. Joel’s got a stick up his ass lately, don’t mind him.”

“Language, Ellie.” Joel sighs. Leaning back into his chair as you grab the pitcher from whom you now know as Ellie, you smile and toddle off to grab that refill. Over your shoulder, you could hear Tommy and Ellie say something to Joel about the way he was acting. Tommy has always seemed to be in your corner backing you up, and it was nice seeing Ellie was too, but it brings you back to think about the werewolf and if they know.

Why is Ellie and Tommy being so kind to you, when Joel and Maria are so cold? 

Heading into the kitchen to grab some more desserts, Melinda took the tray from you and asked that you grab some items from the cellar. “I’ll do a couple tables for you, hon. I need a sack of potatoes for tomorrow but they’re too heavy.” 

“Sure, Mel. I got it.” Loading up the tray and helping her out the door, you watched her for a second to make sure she was okay walking across the dining room floor. She was. In fact, Melinda did a better job than you and had no issues whatsoever.

Making your way to the back of the kitchen and heading down the cellar, you flipped the switch on the wall but no light came on. There was a flashlight laying on the top step and you figured the lights not working properly must be a regular occurrence. Using that as your only source of light, you make your way down the stairs to locate the potatoes, which were at the back of the room just under a little box window. 

Reaching for a sack of potatoes, Melinda wasn’t lying about how heavy they were as you had to drag it along the floor. There was no way you could lift it, not without breaking your back. Keeping the flashlight under one armpit and walking backwards, you chuckled at yourself for the struggling grunting noises you were making. A sweat was already beginning to break out across your forehead and you haven’t even reached the stairs yet.

Wiping it away with the back of your hand, you leaned down to grab the neck of the sack and began pulling back again, however a wall in your path stopped you from moving any further. A soft and squishy wall that can apparently breathe. Turning around quickly, you released the breath you were holding with a groaning sigh. “What do you want?”

It’s Joel.

“For you to stop playing stupid games.” The man got straight to the point with it. Standing firm with his hands held in his jean pockets, he towered over you in this angle. It was quite intimidating actually, but not in a scary way. Joel looked down at you through half lidded eyes, with a cold stoic facial expression. 

“I’m only playing the game that you started, Joel.” You retort with a scoff. Turning to grab the potatoes, there’s a whole lot you could say to Joel Miller, but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to endure another bickering argument with the man, however Joel had a shitload of endurance for another round with you. Not moving from his spot and essentially blocking your path, you tilted your head and warned. “Get outta my way.” 

Holding your gasp when he took a step closer, you didn’t want to show that his move had an effect on you and acted tough. You aren’t scared of him, just on guard. “No.” He whispers, leaning his face close to yours. “Not until you tell me what I want to hear.” 

“And what is it that you want to hear exactly?” Heart thumping out of your chest as you ask that question, you know Joel won’t hurt you and weren’t afraid to push him, but you have to admit that it felt like an adrenaline rush to not back down from his proximity. If he thinks standing a little closer and acting threatening is going to scare you, then he’s mistaken. 

“Admit that you’re interested in me.” You laugh - actually laugh. Not believing the words that just came out of his mouth, you held a hand over your stomach to settle the happy cramp and shook your head. Joel was serious, really serious as his expression remained the same. 

“Yeah ok. I’m interested in you, Joel.” You giggle. Turning to face him as he quirks one eyebrow, you mirrored his action and leaned in close to show that you’re most certainly not backing down. “But not for the reasons that you think.” 

“Enlighten me.” Smirking as he whispers, you hated the way it bothered you. The way it got under your skin. Joel is still messing around - still teasing you. How fucking dare he ask you to quit playing games when he is instigating them all, though his mistake is misjudging your ability to bite back where you know it’s going to sting. 

“I want the werewolf’s identity Joel, and you know who he is - that’s why I’m interested in you.” Noticing the way his jaw clenches, you tilt your head to the side as a way to show how unbothered you were. He pushes, and you push back. You won’t allow him to believe that you can just be bullied into keeping quiet, because you won’t be. The only way he or anyone else can silence you is by killing you, and you know Joel won’t do that. Because he just gave himself away. “You like me, dont’cha?” You tease, puffing a sharp breath into his face. “I’m not like the others, I intimidate you instead and that drives you crazy.” 

“Oh you drive me fucking crazy alright.” Joel retorts, tone sounding dark and amused. Chest expanding in your face with a deep inhale, he chuckles and shakes his head. “But you don’t intimidate me, darlin’.” 

“No?” Still biting back to his replies, there’s nothing Joel could say now that can change your mind. You felt like you had the upper hand right now, and you took advantage of that in every way. Starting with your confident and cocky tone when back chatting to him. “I know I intimidate you. You’re scared about the truth coming out, which you know I’m going to find, darlin’.” 

Mimicking his use of the pet name, you smiled when he lowered his head with defeat. He likes it, there’s no denying that. “Sure you're going to find the truth, Y/N?” Joel asks, looking down to your lips while licking his. The man is fucking stupid, he is still giving himself away, while you were an absolute pro at hiding how his stance and proximity was making you feel. You hate Joel, but the sensation you're getting in your abdomen says something else. It’s just the thrill and excitement getting under his skin that was messing up your emotions. You’re high on feeling powerful and confident. 

“Yes. I am certain.” You nod, earnestly. Thinking about the suspects that you already have in mind, Joel doesn’t even understand how driven you are to find the truth, and that will probably be his downfall too. Accusing you of working with the same people that nearly scared you to death was his biggest mistake. It’s the root cause of your hatred for the man. 

“There’s no way I can persuade you to let this go?” Joel shrugs and when you nod in confirmation, he nods too. Using his eyes to search for any sentiment of regrets in your face, he was finally starting to see how serious you were and sighed. “Ok. Fine Y/N. You win.” 

Face contorting with confusion, you weren’t expecting that at all, and definitely didn’t expect him to take another step closer, practically pressing his chest to yours and slipping his hand around your waist. “W-what are you doing, Joel?” You stutter, breath escaping your lungs with surprise. Hands landing on his chest during the manoeuvre, it felt like a furnace beneath your fingertips. A hot and extremely muscled furnace, Joel is ripped under those clothes. Why do I want to see him shirtless!?

“I'm not doing anything, besides lending a hand.” He tuts, grabbing the sack of potatoes and throwing them over his shoulder like it weighed nothing before turning and walking away. “It’s like I said, Y/N. You win and there’s nothing that I can do to persuade you to let this crazy obsession with a make-believe werewolf go.” 

“No. No way, you don’t get to do that, Joel.” You whine and follow the man up the steps. “You don’t get to paint me as the crazy one here. You’re the one that’s crazy.” 

“What’s the matter?” Dropping the potatoes on the top step and turning to face you, he looked genuinely concerned for a second while looking up and down your body. “You sound frustrated, darlin’. Was it something I said?…” Then Joel smirks before placing a hand to the wall beside your head and leaning in. “... Or was it something that I did?” 

“Fuck off.” You spit, narrowing your eyes. Joel actually thinks his little move back there turned you on. It didn’t. It definitely didn’t turn you on. You were just… surprised, that’s all, but back to the main point. He can’t gaslight you into thinking that the werewolf is make-believe. You saw it with your own eyes and you’re not crazy. 

“You want me to fuck off, then I will.” Joel pulls back, holding his hands up. Looking down to the potatoes with a smile, he nodded and began to walk away. You thought that was the end of it, until he threw one last comment over his shoulder. “I’ll just stick to teasing you in your dreams instead, babygirl.” 

“Asshole.” Muttering under your breath, you heard him chuckling on his way out of the kitchen door and shook your head with annoyance. You were supposed to get under his skin, not the other way around. You had the upper hand, and you lost it. You felt confident and powerful, and now…Now you felt frustrated. 

Only frustrated?

Later That Night

Laying in bed with a throbbing headache and another entirely different kind of throbbing between your legs, you couldn’t seem to rid the conversation you had with Joel Miller from your mind. He’s an asshole. A pretentious smug asshole that acts so fucking big headed that he actually believes you were turned on. 

Ok, yes you did feel a little aroused but it was not because of him. It’s just because he is a man putting the moves on you which reminds you how long it has been since you felt desired. You were aroused because you felt confident and sexy - definitely not because of Joel Miller! And besides, you took care of that little arousal problem an hour ago, hence the throbbing sensation between your legs. You simply took care of a basic human need. You had sex with a stranger, a one night stand. 

His name was Jake, you talked with him over a drink before closing up the restaurant and he has a passion for food. That’s all you know, and cared enough to know. Adorning handsome facial features, he is tall and bulky with a sexy amount of hair leading down to his manhood, where he hid a rather pleasurable package beneath his underwear. His love making skills left a lasting effect on you, a satisfied effect and even a yearning for more. The sex was good. Really good actually and although you set out at first with zero intentions to take it any further, you and Jake wanted a no strings attached kind of deal, but if the opportunity arose to spend another night in bed with him, you wouldn’t turn it down.

I needed that. You nod to yourself with a smile. You needed to unwind and release years worth of sexual energy. After flipping the switch on your bedside lamp, your headache vanished into thin air and you rolled over to get some sleep. You need to open the restaurant at six am tomorrow and help the winner of the winter cookout - Melinda - peel lots of potatoes to make hash browns for breakfast, cheese and mash pastries for lunch and then mashed potatoes with gravy for dinner.

Closing your eyes, you were gracious that the only thing you saw behind your eyelids was Jake's face, particularly the way he looked at you when you climaxed. It was a look of adoration and pride, which made you feel as sexy as you are. Falling asleep with ease, your mind slipped into the land of dreams. 

However, unbeknownst to you were two glowing red eyes in your back garden looking up at your window. Two glowing red eyes that belonged to a werewolf - a different werewolf. 

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