#kels season 6 codas

[hoodie-buck]

you make me happy

rated: g | words: 1k | read on ao3

bc i had a few feelings about tonight’s episode <3

—

Eddie can already see the look on Hen’s face, the one that tells him the guys already gone. He can’t see Bucks face, only the determination in his hands, pressing on the guys chest and trying to will him back to life.

Hen’s head shakes and Eddie’s heart sinks.

They exit together, taking the two friends that are still alive out first, their other friend close behind. He already knows Buck is blaming himself; no matter who’s fault it is or isn’t, Buck always bares the weight.

It’s a silent ride back to the station, Eddie knocking his shoulders into Bucks for reassurance, his best friend giving a bleak smile in return. Eddie hates it, hates that there isn’t anything he can do; not really.

They strip of their turnouts and hit the showers, the four of them stood at their lockers after. Eddie turns to Chim who’s already looking to him, Eddie quickly adverting his attention to Buck and then Hen, the two looking sullen, lost in their heads.

With an unspoken agreement between him and Chim, Eddie mentions breakfast, Buck quickly bailing out, followed closely by Hen. He gets it, he does; he just wishes he could take their pain away.

Even so, Eddie isn’t surprised to hear the click of his door turning about an hour later, the tell-tale footsteps of his best friend letting himself in. There’s something so easy and reassuring about it—Eddie wishes it were always like this.

As Buck enters the kitchen, Eddie already has two beers open and ready, sliding one over to Buck.

They drink in silence for a bit, Buck playing with the label on the bottle more than anything. While Eddie will speak in his own time, he knows Buck needs a little push, a reassurance if you will.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Buck shrugs and Eddie waits; now it’s in Bucks hands.

“Are you at ease?”

It’s an odd question in general, though coming from Buck, it’s fairly tame.

Eddie isn’t sure how to answer, several scenarios coming to mind.

“Well, if you would’ve asked me a few months ago, no. But these days—I’m a little more at ease, sure.”

Buck nods though he doesn’t say anything, Eddie prying a little further.

“How about you, Buck, are you at ease?”

Buck sets his bottle onto the counter then, using his arms to press his weight into it as he lets out a heavy sigh.

“That guy, he-he figured out what it means, to be happy, ya know? Like there was this magical thing right in front of him, but then he was just—”

“Gone?” Eddie supplies when Buck chokes on the word.

“Yea.”

He knows Bucks been reading Bobby’s AA book, that he’s been trying to find a meaning to happiness, but he’s not sure exactly what it is his best friend’s looking for.

“Are you happy Buck?”

“I’m trying to be.”

Their eyes meet for the first time then, Buck’s a sea of blue and red rimmed. Eddie aches to reach out to him.

“I—I don’t wanna be like him…like-like that guy.”

“In what way?”

He watches as Buck debates for a minute, finally pushing out some truth.

“They were best friends Eds, had been for years, and then when they had nothing, they still had each other.”

Oh. Eddie thinks he understands now.

“You know I-I wanna die sometimes, you know have thought about it, I mean.” Buck shakes his head, Eddie refraining from reaching out again. “But-but it’s also what terrifies me the most. I’m scared of dying and never figuring out what it means to be happy…to be comfortable in my own skin.”

Well that—was definitely not where Eddie thought the conversation was going.

Stepping around the island, Eddie sidles up next to Buck, not stopping himself from reaching out this time as he places a hand to his best friends shoulder. He ducks his head until he captures Bucks attention, those sad blues looking right into him.

“I can’t tell you what the secret is Buck—hell I don’t think I’ve found it myself, but what I can tell you is what brings me happiness.”

Buck doesn’t look away, doesn’t try to pull out of his touch, so Eddie takes that as his sign to go on.

“Christopher is obviously at the top of my list, along with the 118. You know, the family we choose.” At that Buck cracks a smile, the sight warming Eddie wholly.

He takes a risk then, trying not to reveal too much of himself while comforting Buck at the same time.

“And then there’s you, Buck. Having you in my life makes me happy. You make me happy, no matter how much of a pain in the ass you can be sometimes.”

That gets Buck ducking his head with that private smile of his, and Eddie chuckles a little for it.

When their eyes meet again, it’s Buck who speaks this time.

“You uh, you make me happy too. And Chris, of course.”

Eddie smiles. “Yea, he’s a pretty great kid.”

“You did a good job raising him Eds. Best father I know.”

“Yea, well I’ve had a lot of help.”

Bucks brows raise in that shocked way he always gets whenever Eddie lays out the truth.

“Yea well, it-it makes me happy, being—being with you guys.”

Eddie knows it does, but it still makes him melt a little to hear it.

Pushing the beers to the side, Eddie looks to Buck with a pointed stare.

“C’mon, let’s go catch some shut eye before we have to get Chris from school.”

Eddie grabs Buck’s arm before he can protest and drags the man to his room and down onto the bed with him. Buck lays there a little stiffly, Eddie pulling his best friend so that Bucks back meets his chest, their hands linking together at Bucks front.

He can feel Bucks heart beating a little fast, knows his is too.

“Is this—is this ok?”

Eddie buries his face into Bucks neck, squeezing where their hands are interlocked.

“Yes. You make me happy, Evan.”

After a few minutes, Buck relaxes into Eddie’s touch, his heart beat steadying itself.

“You make me happy Eds, always.”

Sometimes happiness can’t be described. It has to be seen, felt. Maybe happiness wasn’t a feeling at all, but rather the people you surrounded yourself with. It wasn’t something you achieved, but rather found, Buck and Eddie finding happiness in each other.

tagging squad below, lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3

tags: @buddiextarlos @fearlessdiaz @mansikkaomenabanaani @confetti-cupcake @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @swiftiebuckleyhan @loveyourownsmiilee @justsmilestuffhappens @honestlydarkprincess @prettyboyandthekid @corgiqueen14 @zainclaw @constructiononsunset @djdangerlove @bifirefighters @mr-and-mr-diaz @blaidddrwg1982 @buddierights @crazyfangirlallert @imsupposedtobewritting @dickley-buddie @panicatthediaz @princessbb @jacksadventuresinwriting @prettyboybuckley @rogerzsteven @eddiediazisascorpio @daughterofbuddie @gayhoediaz

#buddie #buddie drabble #episode coda #eddie diaz #evan 'buck' buckley #911 fox #911 spoliers #tenderness #kels season 6 codas #author might be self projecting a little #kel(s) writing