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#like I just know these two would drink tea together and bitch about naruto and yuuji lmao
mochiajclayne · 10 months
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Kurama and Sukuna watching their respective vessels interact with their homosexual shounen rival and say silly goofy gay statements™️ like carrying burdens and dying together and/or not affording to die because the other will kill them if they die again.
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sun-summoning · 4 years
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@serafina-constantine​ -- re tinder au:  Aww I was hoping to get team sasuke’s reactions to them finally getting together 💖
ok here you go. everyone (not just team sasuke) is answering the same question: how do you feel about sasuke and sakura getting together?
i. karin and suigetsu
“wait, so why are we doing this?”
behind his video camera, naruto scowls at his cousin. his instructions were very simple and very clear and yet karin still needed to be a pain in the ass.
“because naruto wants to use this footage when sasuke marries sakura,” suigetsu replies instead.
“what the hell?” karin frowns. “is he...is sasuke going to propose to her? they’ve been dating for, like, five months!”
“the heart knows what it wants, karin.”
“the heart is illogical and--”
“sasuke isn’t going to propose!” naruto interrupts. “why would he do that?”
karin laughs. “the real question is why would sakura even accept?”
“true love?”
“tch.”
“anyway--” naruto clears his throat and nods to his camera. “answer my question.”
“answer mine!” karin snaps back. “tell the truth.” her smile turns devious. “are you actually going to try using this as retroactive footage at a wedding they’d have ten years from now? are you planning that far ahead? you loser.”
“of course not!” naruto denies. “and you’re definitely not giving me ideas!”
“what if you’re not his best man?”
“obviously i’d be his best man.”
“but he has a brother.”
“sasuke and itachi don’t have the same relationship that we do--you know what? just answer my question!”
finally, karin just sighs and looks at suigetsu. they both actually face the camera, now wearing looks of contemplation.
suigetsu goes first: “i didn’t really think he’d succeed.”
“really?”
“yeah, he’s so awkward, you know?”
“he is,” karin agrees with a wince.
“also, i assumed she’d just slap him? or get a restraining order?” suigetsu scratches his head. “i don’t know man--the whole thing was just a bit...weird. ya know?”
“but it was true love,” naruto says.
“maybe to sasuke. but maybe to a sensible girl that was just creepy.”
“maybe you’re wrong.”
“do you want my opinion or not?!”
karin shoves suigetsu and sends naruto a glare to stop him from fighting for sasuke’s honour as a stalker.
-
ii. hinata
hinata’s hands, previously stuffed into her pockets if naruto recalled correctly, were currently in front of her. she was in the process of trying to dislocate her fingers or something as she took quick nervous breaths.
“um.” naruto smiles at her and she turns red. “we can just, like, not do this if you’d prefer?”
“i--it’s okay!” she replies. “how do i feel about sasuke getting together with the girl he liked?” she grins, but it’s shaky and so clearly uncomfortable. “i’m glad.”
“that’s it?”
she blinks. “were you...expecting more?”
naruto grunts a goodbye and goes off to find someone shadier.
-
iii. shikamaru
shikamaru actually laughs in naruto’s face.
when he settles down, he shakes his head. “naruto, you wildly overestimate how much i care about sasuke’s love life.”
-
iv. juugo
“sasuke’s dating our bio tutor?” juugo scratches his head. “aw man! do you think she gives him a discount?”
“you make her sound like a prostitute, juugo.”
-
v. itachi and mikoto
naruto manages to get reactions from sasuke’s brother and mother when they find each other outside sasuke’s graduation ceremony. he’s off somewhere with fugaku taking photos of him like the proud father he is. and, if naruto saw correctly, sakura even stopped by briefly to leave a nice dusty rose mark on sasuke’s cheek.
“i’m pleased that he found his way to his tinder girl,” itachi tells naruto. “sakura makes sasuke very happy.”
“tinder?” mikoto echoes. “is that a game?”
itachi, the biggest whore naruto’s ever met, smiles softly. “something like that, mother.”
naruto makes a face of disgust. “have you met sakura yet, mrs. sasuke’s mom?”
mikoto raises an eyebrow at them. “naruto, i met sakura before all of you.”
“you did?”
“the work ethic in that girl is astounding. and she’s positively brilliant. she’s worked with some of the best researchers in our field--”
“this is boring,” naruto interrupts. he lowers his camera. “are you taking us out for dinner to celebrate that sasuke actually succeeded?”
mikoto shakes her head fondly. naruto’s been part of their family since he met naruto in primary school, so of course he’s invited.
-
vi. ino
“look at this bullshit.”
ino holds up her phone to show naruto sakura’s instagram page. among photos of various landscapes and meals and selfies, naruto notices a few with sasuke. quite a few with sasuke.
“aww.” he enlarges one of them and coos at the image of sakura smiling in a field of sunflowers with sasuke standing beside her looking as constipated as ever. “they’re so cute!”
“i know right!” but ino’s grin soon morphs into a scowl. “but he’s always around!”
“i mean he mostly just sits there on his phone looking at neko atsume. he’s actually really forgettable.”
“can i live?!” ino snaps. then she stops, her jaw dropping and her eyes widening. “fuck my life,” she whispers. “i’ve been spending so much time with sasuke through his stalking and then when sakura actually deigned to date him that i’m...picking up his habits.”
naruto pats her on the shoulder. “remember when we were younger and i used to say ‘believe it’ a lot?”
“yeah, i wanted to rip your tongue out.”
“okay, rude.”
“it was annoying--”
“let me get to the point!” naruto clears his throat. “anyway, one time sasuke said it too and it was basically the highlight of my adolescence.”
“that’s sad.”
“don’t be a bitch because you’re turning into sasuke.”
“i guess he’s alright,” ino concedes as she looks at her nails. “he’s a total loser and he’s so awkward, but...” she shrugs. “he makes sakura smile.”
-
vii. neji and tenten
“to be clear, we were never on this ‘team sasuke’ or whatever insipid name you’ve chosen as of two minutes ago.” neji hyuuga takes a sip of his tea for good measure. “but, i suppose, sasuke is an acceptable choice.”
beside him, tenten wears a tense smile. “what neji means to say is that we’re happy for them.”
naruto nods, uncomfortable in the presence of sakura’s friends. they were never really part of the tinder-turned-stalking phase of sasusaku beyond their comments on sakura’s instagram (to naruto’s knowledge, at least).
“are you though?”
neji opens his mouth to reply, but immediately grunts, and judging by the way he’s wincing, naruto can only imagine tenten attacked him under the tale.
“yes,” neji replies curtly. “so, so happy.”
-
viii. sakura
“how do i feel about sasuke and i getting together?” sakura echos, staring at him as though he’s the one who’s weird. “he makes me--” sakura shrugs. she looks down. “i’m happy?”
“why do you sound unsure?”
“i’m not unsure. i’m just uncomfortable.” she gestures to his phone. “you’re literally recording this.”
“i’m--” 
technically, footage of sakura wouldn’t be totally necessary to have in whatever video he might make ten years from now when sasusaku get married. sure, sakura saying how she’s super in love with sasuke (or whatever) would actually be a pretty cool ending to that potential video, ino had a pretty good line he could use there. 
sighing, naruto turns off his camera and puts his phone down the table. 
sakura nods in approval. “for the record, i know how the whole story went.”
“oh?”
“yes, from the tinder swiping to itachi’s little bet to him being afraid that i’m the type of girl who says i’m not like most girls.”
“yeah, he was scared of that.” naruto clears his throat. “also, i don’t know what you’re talking about.”
sakura rolls her eyes. 
“wait, so you know about all the stalking?”
she winces. “i hate that word.”
“sorry? i’m not the one who invented language though?”
“let’s go with recon.”
naruto waves a hand. “fine. so you know about all the recon?”
she nods and takes a sip of her drink. “sasuke told me. i think he figured it’d be better to tell me himself than let anyone else tell me instead.”
“controlling the narrative. smart boy.”
“hm?”
“nothing. scandal. anyway--” he taps his chin. “how come you aren’t, well, upset?”
that makes sakura laugh. she throws her head back and when the giggles peter down, the grin she wears is downright devious. “because then i’d be a hypocrite.” she winks at him. “do you really think i didn’t do my own research on sasuke when i finally got more information about him at ino’s party?” she leans in closer. “or that after we actually started dating, i didn’t do my research on his friends and family, naruto?”
naruto fights down a shudder. “what. the hell.”
“social media is a terrifying thing.”
-
ix. sasuke and naruto
naruto has already burrowed himself on the other side of sasuke’s bed, too scared to sleep on his own after a full day of reading creepy stories on r/nosleep. 
“i’m going to die.”
“you’re being an idiot.”
“no, i think there’s a ghost girl who’s going to come for me!”
sasuke makes the usual show of demanding naruto leave, but naruto just swaddles himself even more until sasuke goes to retrieve another blanket for himself. he throws that on the bed and laughs a little when it hits naruto.
naruto watches as sasuke goes about his evening routine from plugging in his phone to watering the succulent on his desk to putting it on his window sill so it can watch the sunrise. when he settles on the bed, he takes his phone back out like a classic millennial and opens his chat with sakura.
“i’m right here,” naruto tells him.
“but if i ignore you hard enough, you might disappear.”
“your life would be the worst without me.”
“it’d definitely be quieter.”
“and more boring!” naruto pokes him. “you should be more grateful, asshole. i’m the one who helped you find your tinder girl.”
“tch, no you didn’t.”
“you whored me out!”
“you would have whored yourself out either way.”
“you take that back!”
sasuke easily ignores him to message his ~*~girlfriend~*~. naruto wants to be insulted, but he can’t really blame sasuke. sasuke has always been terrible -- terrible -- at building and maintaining relationships. the fact that he now has a girlfriend who thinks he’s slightly more than passable as a human being is a wonderful thing. 
when sasuke finally turns off the screen of his phone, the room goes dark. naruto presses his head against sasuke’s shoulder partly because he’s feeling affectionate but mostly because he’s scared of the dark after all those creepy stories on reddit. 
he ignores the way his best friend grunts. “hey sasuke?”
“hm?”
naruto pauses. they don’t do mushy, but naruto wants to tell him, “i’m really happy that you found sakura.”
“oh.” he hears sasuke shift as he nods. “me too.”
“she’s a good match for you. and she’s...nice. she really likes you.”
“yeah.” sasuke clears his throat. “i. um. i really like her too.”
“good.”
“naruto?”
“hm?”
“thank you,” while normal people might go in for a hug in this moment, sasuke shoves naruto back to the other side of the bed, “for helping me find sakura.”
“of course.” he’ll always have sasuke’s back, and he knows sasuke will always have his. 
naruto grins up at the darkened ceiling, unafraid of the potential of ghost girls looming down on him -- not with his best friend by his side. 
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