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of-another-broken-heart · 5 years

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I slept like shit.

I’m assuming lil sis made herself bacon for breakfast around 5 AM. The smell was torture. I can’t eat anything from like, midnight to 10 AM, because of my thyroid medication now.

So I was miserable, exhausted, unable to sleep, and in physical pain because the smell of food was incredible, and I couldn’t eat it even if there was any left for me. So I tossed, and turned, and tossed, and turned, and tried and tried and tried to sleep.

Every time I’d pass out, I’d be back awake within 10 minutes.

Eventually it was 9 AM. My alarm went off. I took my thyroid meds. I tossed. I turned. I slept for a minute. I started awake. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned.

Finally it was 12:30. I was too tired to get up. I re-set my alarm for 1:00.

I finally got up. I made an instant cup noodle. I spilled it. It didn’t get to “cook” fully before I tried eating it.

I hustled out of the house to get to the doctor’s, and... it’s hellishly windy today. So much so, that whole trees and branches have been knocked down all over. One of which obstructed my usual route out of town. So, straight away, I had to off-road my way through unpaved cratered back streets just to try to get back on track. Covered my car in mud, because of course. Can’t be forcibly detoured into hellroads without hellroads also being full of mud puddles!!

Some lady at the doctor’s office was... a handful. She came in demanding to be seen immediately by a thyroid specialist, because she was “coughing [her]self to death.” Bless the receptionist, because... thyroids don’t have fuckall to do with coughing. Also this lady hadn’t shown up in years?? The doctor she’d had fucking retired or some shit and she never thought to ever visit or even do an annual physical. Which like... yeah, let ME say some shit about not keeping up on doctor stuff, haha, yeah. Except this lady is elderly. She’s very vocal about staying home all the time and how leaving the house at all costs money (bitch... same???) but like. How are you not even gonna find out who your damn doctor is. Your insurance SENDS YOU THAT SHIT. Even if you don’t do anything about it! You get that info!! She was so obnoxious and rude to the receptionist. I just... oof.

She tried to chat me up after, and kept complaining that she’d wasted money coming out, she wasn’t even going to get seen... mind you it’s been about 33 whole ass seconds since she sat the fuck down. The receptionist assured her that a nurse and patient navigator were going to see her to help her out, and she got BACK UP to go harass the receptionist some more because she wasn’t getting seen immediately.

I got called in shortly after that, thank fuck.

Got weighed. Had my blood pressure measured. Temperature taken. Then waited around for... 20-30 minutes? Which was annoying and shitty and boring. Alone, in a closed examination room, able to hear all the chatter outside the door, but not a part of it.

Apparently my doctor didn’t even remember that she sent out my thyroid medication! So that was alarming!

She couldn’t resist mentioning that I’d apparently lost 10 pounds or something, beaming like that was some kind of good news. I didn’t give a shit. If being fat was the reason for all my problems, I’d just go back to starving myself and call it a fucking day. So what if I’d be malnourished and have the deadliest eating disorder known to man? I’d be thin! And that’s all that matters, I guess!

I didn’t get mad in the office, though. Just... chilled and indifferent. “I didn’t notice. I haven’t been paying attention to that. It’s not an important factor.” Something along those lines.

She wrapped up with a summary, a request for one more bloodwork follow-up (2 months from now) to gauge how my thyroid treatment dosage works out, and... that’s basically it. She did say Hashimoto’s disease, by name. I don’t have an appointment with her again until November for an annual physical.

My blood sugar was still a little high, but she didn’t tell me the actual results. I’m assuming it was lower than my previous results, so combined with the knowledge that I’m filthy fucking poor and survive almost exclusively on carbs... she likely made the call that I’m not Diabetic, or Pre-Diabetic, of Pre-Pre-Diabetic... I’m just. Poor. And trying Not To Die.

Another thing that got retested, that I’d totally forgot about - white blood cell, to check for infection. Those results were in normal range this time, so my suspicion that I was on the tail end of a UTI when I had my first batch of bloodwork done... seems very accurate.

It feels... weird. Like I was on an out of control roller coaster. And now suddenly the brakes have engaged and I’m just... dazed. Stunned. Assessing my damages and... in disbelief that there’s not... more? Too traumatized to believe this gauntlet of stress and anxiety is over.

I still have the whole mental health side of things going on. And, to me, it feels like it’s still just barely getting started. But that’s how I felt about the physical stuff, too, so what the fuck do I know!

#personal

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researching01 · 5 years

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How To Overcome Anxiety and Feel More at Ease (Part 1)

New Post has been published on https://headacheshelp.com/awesome/how-to-overcome-anxiety-and-feel-more-at-ease-part-1/

How To Overcome Anxiety and Feel More at Ease (Part 1)

Anxiety ailments are the most prevalent mental health challenge we face. Globally, an estimated 275 million people, or 4 % of the population, were affected in 2016. (( Our World in Data: Anxiety Disorders )) In the U.S ., 18.1% of the adult population suffers every year and 30% of people will experience nervousnes at some phase .(( Anxiety And Depression Association of America: Facts& Statistics )) Anxiety ailments touch 25.1% of children between 13 and 18 years old and women are almost twice as likely to experience anxiety ailments than males.

So if you’re feeling anxious or suffering from anxiety, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Not merely is anxiety highly common, it is also highly treatable. Yet less than half of people suffering seek treatment.

Having been there myself, I know it is scary, confusing, frustrating and difficult. At periods, it feels like it’s going to suffocate you or swallow you whole; and you fear you’ll never feel like yourself again.

I recollect a day when I stands at the front door sobbing because I didn’t want my husband to leave for work in the morning. It was not me. I have always been laid back, easygoing and fearless. And all of a sudden I was anxious, scared and full of fear.

What attained it even worse was feeling scared I would feel that way forever. I remember calling a good friend on my route home one day from therapy. She’d suffered from anxiety too. I’ll never forget it what she told me. It was a turning point in my healing. “It WILL get better; you won’t always feel like this. I know it feels like it now, but you won’t. I promise, you will get better”. Those terms resonated profoundly and stuck with me through the toughest of periods. I desperately needed to know there was hope.

Everyone I’ve spoken to who’s suffered from anxiety says something similar. I thought it would never end. I supposed I was going to have to live like that forever( and I knew I couldn’t ). I has no such idea how I was going to get out of it. But they all been through this it.

In this article, I’ll share real tales and recommendations from those who have been through anxiety, as well as tips-off and strategies from mental health professionals.

All of them share one common sentiment: anxiety is common and can be treated. If you can summon up the strength and gallantry to take a few steps out of the darkness, you will find light.

So if you’re out there wondering if you will EVER get through this, wondering if you will EVER feel like yourself again, wondering if this will EVER end…It CAN and it WILL.

For those of you facing anxiety on any level, my hope is that you find at least one of these stories, strategies or resources helpful and supportive in running through your own process and journey.

What Is Anxiety? People use the term’ anxiety’ to describe everything from a stressful impression or situation to a severe feeling of anxiety, and even anxiety assaults which can come out of nowhere and closely mimic the same symptoms of a heart attack.

According to David Carbonell, PhD .( The Anxiety Coach ): “Anxiety is a set of feelings, thinks, and physical sensations typically centered on some dread about a future event or potential instance. Anxiety is an ordinary emotion which is part of life. We would have trouble functioning without it.

An anxiety ailment, on the other hand, is a condition in which a person has literally become afraid of their experiences of nervousnes and tries to resist and avoid those experiences in ways that attain the problem worse rather than better. People develop an nervousnes disorder for various reasons. It seems clear that there are genetic predispositions to develop them. People who score high on a measure of’ anxiety sensitivity’ are more prone to develop one.” There are several major nervousnes ailments including Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, and specific phobias of all kinds. When talking about overcoming anxiety, since there are such differing levels and degrees of what that means, there are also varying levels of treatment and supporting .(( Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Understand the Facts ))

What Causes Anxiety? Here’s the technical answer from Jennie Morton: “The experience of anxiety has emerged from a cascade of events that are triggered in the body by the activation of the sympathetic nervous system( or battle/ flight mechanism) in response to a threat. This is a very natural reaction that is designed to ensure our survival when under assault from a predator. An area of our brain called the amygdala acts as a kind of’ smoke detector’ for environmental menaces and plays a key role in triggering the fight or flight response.

The amygdala (( Science Daily: Amygdala )) is also involved in emotional learning and, based on our experiences from childhood onward, will label certain places, people, situations, etc. as either safe or unsafe.

So while for many the experience of nervousnes may seem irrational or illogical, there will be a reason why the amygdala has chosen to spark this sensation. Somewhere along the line it put a red flag warning on an event or even just a particular aspect of a threatening situation which it is then conditioned to repeat.” In my experience, if you’re suffering from anxiety, something bigger is going on. Anxiety is not the problem. Anxiety is a symptom of something.

There are many complex and varying causes for anxiety, including;

Life experiences and events( including trauma)

Genetics and upbringing

Brain chemistry

Medical conditions( including blood sugar imbalance, thyroid dysfunction and gut imbalance/ food sensitivities ), and

Forms of stress including unhealthy relationships, demanding tasks, and financial obligations.

More often than not, anxiety is a sign you are out of alignment or out of balance in some way shape or kind- mentally, emotionally, physically or even spiritually.

It’s your body’s way of telling you something isn’t’ functioning. Something is not right. Our bodies are quite amazing. They have a way of telling us to slow down, do something different, pay attention or make a change. And if we don’t listen, guess what? They scream louder. And often, they speak the language of nervousnes. Remember, anxiety is a message. To honor this message, seem deeper into what may be out of balance in your body, as well as your life. This may feel scary at first, but remember, the life you want is on the other side of dread! — Dr. Kelly Brogan How to Heal Your Anxiety I’d like to introduce Erica Phillipson. Erica is a Graphic Artist, Yoga Instructor& Retreat Facilitator( and former Club DJ& Radio Show Host ).

Here, she shares her personal narrative and recommendations for overcoming anxiety:

At the height of my anxiety, I thought I would never get through it. I didn’t simply have anxiety, I had Panic Disorder. On bad days, I would have 6 or 7 panic attack. They would sometimes last for over an hour and often it would take me a few hours to recover. The trauma I experienced took a toll on me both physically and psychologically. Eventually, everything became too much for me. I didn’t want to get too excited/ nervous/ scared, I didn’t want to set myself in any situation that could trigger my anxiety, I didn’t want to leave the house. I felt like I had short-circuited. I even got to a phase where I would worry that merely thinking about a panic attack was going to bring one on.

I thought it would never objective. But it did. It may have lasted 6 years, but I haven’t had a panic attack for over 6 years now!

Having Panic Disorder pushed me to work through so much’ stuff’. It forced me to really go deep within myself. Seeming back at how much I evolved during that time, I can frankly say that my Panic Disorder has been one of my life’s greatest gifts. Without it, I would have stayed in a career that was not working for me; I would not have found balance in my life; I would still be saying yes when the answer in my heart is no. I would probably not be as grateful for the little things that induce our lives so beautiful; I would not be the person I am today.

I know who I am. I know what I want. I know what I am willing- and not willing- to put up with. I am glad! If I can get through it, you can, too.

This anxiety you are facing is a tool for growth, but you need to be willing to work with it. Your body has given you nervousnes because it is trying to tell you something but you have not been listening. It’s time to listen.

As I went through my healing process, I tried every type of therapy out there, including: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Tapping, Vitamins, Homeopathy, Yoga, Hypnosis, Art procedures, kundalini, Breathwork and drug( for a few months ).

I’m said he hopes that the knowledge I is obtained from these therapies will help you to heal quicker than it took me.

The biggest thing I want you to know is that no one can heal you but you.

Here are my recommendations: 1. Know your triggers. Get to the root issue of what’s not working and what’s causing anxiety.

For me, there were a few triggers. I was working too much , not sleeping, traveling every week and stressed out. I was afraid of flying( from a past experience as a child ), so having to perform in a new city every week became a massive trigger for me.

Living on my own became a trigger because I would arrive home in the early hours of the morning when no one was around( in one of the most dangerous cities in the world, Johannesburg ).

My radio indicate also became a trigger because it was naturally nerve-wracking for me. DJing at clubs became a trigger for me because it’s stressful having to keep a dance floor full and happy.

Compounding these triggers resulted in the perfect recipe for Panic Disorder.

I also use coping mechanisms to keep me running. I would get ready to DJ a present by drinking Coke and a shot of tequila so that I was’ awake and smiling’. Now this may sound extreme, but my guess is many of you have your own versions of this- taking medication for that headache every day, having one too many glasses of wine every night, taking sleeping capsule so you can sleep or drinking style too much coffee to get through the next hour of run. All of those things are masking something that’s not working.

Find out what they are and eliminate those things from your life. Make the changes step by step, and eventually you will begin to understand your anxiety and get what your body is trying to tell you.

It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be a heck of a lot easier than living the style you are right now. 2. Find what brings you JOY and add more of that to your life. Discovery what brings you balance, makes you feel good, or brings positivity.

Do what you love. Find things that are aligned with your heart, your soul, your purpose. 3. Surround yourself with people that’ get you’. Unless you’ve had anxiety, you can’t truly understand better how it feels. Not many people got what I was going through.

So many times I suffered panic attacks’ in broad daylight’. I would be hosting my show, DJing to a thousand people, at a fundraiser for the “South African Depression and Anxiety Group”( ironic !), and wouldn’t tell a spirit.

Others would try and help by telling me’ it was going to be ok’ or’ I must think about something else’, but they had NO idea how dark it was. I guessed I was going to die. I guessed I was going to lose my mind and never come back.

It’s important to find your people. Maybe they have gone through it themselves, maybe they just know how to support you unconditionally, perhaps it’s a therapist who can support and normalize what you’re facing.

My husband was my rock, his love helped me mend. My best friend was incredible, she took my panic attack seriously and that meant the world to me. I also determined immense convenience in my puppy, Nala. She genuinely was my emotional support dog. 4. Take care of your body. Eat healthy foods, practise yoga, journal, exercise, breathwork, sleep … These were critical in my healing. 5. Acceptance. When I stopped opposing my panic attacks and faced them, they moved through me much more quickly.

Being aware of what has triggered you and how you are feeling will help you to gain perspective and slowly. But, surely you will understand that you are safe and nothing is going to happen to you. 6. Get to know yourself. This was the single most important factor of my healing. So much of my nervousnes was caused from being out of alignment with who I was, I had to get REAL.

I procured myself in a life that was NOT working for me. I was in a job that wasn’t me. It was glamorous, fun and astonishing from the outside; it looked like the dreaming task. But it wasn’t me. It wasn’t what I wanted to do or how I wanted to do it.

I had to look at who I was, what I wanted in life and what genuinely made me happy. I had to dig into my faiths, values, and moral compass.

Please, as you go through this, don��t be so hard on yourself. Be gentle and nurturing. This is a process and takes time. There is no one way to heal from nervousnes. The root cause is different for different people and the solution will be as well. Try everything. Note what works and let go of what doesn’t.

Lastly, consider that the universe might just be giving you a gift. Maybe say to yourself: “Here’s a gift. It’s called anxiety. Let’s insure what it brings me”. I hope I had that perspective and I hope it helps you.” Conclusion I love Erica’s incredible story and am so thankful she’s shared it with us. It’s a poignant reminder that there’s a reason you have anxiety and that there are things you can do to overcome it.

Personally, I addressed my anxiety from an integrative, holistic approach as well. I stepped back and assessed my life and looked at what needed to happen mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I went to therapy, worked with a coach, made some important life changes, got bodywork, read books, did yoga, and practiced meditation.

I learned grounding techniques. I changed my eating. I cut out alcohol, caffeine and artificial sweeteners. I tried everything I could get my hands on. I maintained what worked for me and let go of what didn’t.

I was able to work through my nervousnes too…and though I can’t pinpoint exactly what helped the most, I know it was this integrative, multi-faceted approach that made a difference.

Today, I wouldn’t say I’m back to my old self. I’d say I’m happy to be my new ego.

As Nietzsche so wisely said many years ago, “That which does not kill me induces me stronger”.

It’s true. My experience with nervousnes has helped me evolve into the more conscious, thoughtful, connected and compassionate person I am today.

For those of you facing anxiety on different levels, my hope is that these stories and suggestions are supportive in helping you work through your own process so you can move forward and uncover that ‘gift’ Erica spoke about.

Your next step? Take a step forward — any step. That may entail trying one of the techniques you’ve read here or reaching out for help. There are many forms of fantastic therapies that can help – but they can only work if you do.

Don’t miss PART 2 of the Anxiety Series which includes additional stories and lots of great strategies from mental health professionals and experts.

And below are some additional resources to support you in your healing. Resources and Websites Therapists If you’re experiencing persistent and excessive levels of anxiety, I highly recommend you reach out to your doctor, therapist or specialist for support.

To find a therapist near you, reach out to someone you trust who can make a recommendation, contact one of our professionals above or find someone here:

Anxiety Disorders Association of America

Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies

Additional Websites

Anxiety and Depression Association of America

The Anxiety Coach

MarisaPeer.com

Kelly Brogan

Best Anxiety Blog 2019

National Institute of Mental Health