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lotrewrite · 7 years

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Here’s what I noticed on my first read through. Can’t wait to see what you guys do with it :D

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: Since this is pretty long and includes a number of factual questions that I can answer based on the outlines we created, I decided to answer some of the questions as we go :D still plenty of interesting food for thought here for the writers!

Looks like quite a bit of dialogue will be copied in a couple episodes (specifically 1, Revolution and Invasion), we really don’t want to rehash things, if things are the same as before or minimal changes maybe focus more on another character reacting to what others are saying than what they are saying. Or change it up more. If Len is strong enough at those points he could be used as a different way to view events that changed very little

In the same vein, I realize we’re rewriting but I’m not sure things that work well in the visual format would work well in writing. Such as the intros.

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: Since this is being written as a total rewrite of season two, not a fix-it fanfic that only fills in gaps and assumes knowledge of what came before, we wanted to keep some of the stuff we liked! :) People writing episodes where we use a lot of the previous material should feel free to copy as much or as little of their original episodes as they like – there’s a reason we kept them. They can take a different approach to the same episode events if they want, but they don’t need to; the goal isn’t to rewrite everything, it’s to make the season we all would have liked more. My hope is that someone who didn’t watch season 2 of LOT at all would be able to read our season and feel as satisfied as if they’d seen a full season. (My DREAM is that people start using our season as background for fanfic/fanart, but hey, you’ve got to have ambitions!)

A lot of these are more posed as questions further on, since it seems more like questions for writers to work out.

Episode 1

Are wooden pencils really still popular? I was under the impression mechanical pencils were more common, at least outside of specialized situations. Or even how is it he still has a pencil his Grandfather gave him presumably when he was a child. If that’s the case shouldn’t someone at least mentally note on the unusualness of it? I like the idea but I think the odd circumstances should be noted.

I see where the characterization of Rip is going, but I don’t think he’d be so blunt maybe more like “sufficient knowledge”, it has the same spirit but less direct than “experienced leadership”.

Suggestion: If the characterization is a Jewish Len, then maybe having him playing with Len’s ring while Stein is mentioning his parents escaping Nazi Germany. Also maybe something a bit less general than “Not speaking German.” Just hits a bit like all Germans are Nazis, at least for me, and I don’t necessarily even Mick would go that generalized.

Why is Thawne telling Dahrk his plan already? He’s secretive and doesn’t have any reason to trust him.

Any potential trauma Ray had doesn’t seem to come up again?

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: I don’t know about you, but I see a lot of wooden pencils everywhere. It’s a bit unusual that Nate didn’t notice that his lucky pencil remains intact after so long, but then again, it’s his lucky pencil that he got from his grandfather – he probably uses it only for things like his thesis or tests. I don’t want to highlight the weirdness of it here, where the pencil should be mentioned but fly under the radar, but it can be mentioned later when the Legends actually figure out that it’s something weird if the writer of that episode wants to.

Rip has been dealing with the Legends not listening to him for a while, and this helps set up his arc by focusing on him thinking he’s better BECAUSE he’s a Time Master. I do like your suggestion of adding more Jewish Len stuff, though! (the “not speaking German” line is straight from the show)

And Thawne is expositioning this early for a number of reasons: 1, it makes more sense for why he’d be there; 2, he’s panicking and has no plan, and it sets him and Darhk on more even footing; 3, it sets up episode 4 better than just having the time wraiths appear as a threat. Happy to take suggestions. Though we should definitely have a few more time wraiths/Black Flash appearances later on, if one of our later writers wants to include that!

Not sure what Ray trauma you mean?

Episode 4

Ummm…I would think that Jax would actually side with Sara, he did warn his dad to try and save him in Season 1

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: There’s a pretty big difference between Jax’s (quite weak) warning and “Rip Hunter already told us that interfering in this event is a bad idea but now I’m in charge and that means I get to change history any way I like”, so I don’t think I agree :) besides, it’s relevant to Sara’s decision process that everyone seems lined up against her

Episode 7

Again lots of talk of things being the same, would be best to not just rewrite whole scenes with minor changes. For example in the case of the proposing Barry giving himself up, could skip ahead of that to the pep talk/argument that it’s not a good idea and have include enough that a reader can know what happened if anything was different.

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: See above – totally OK to copy the scenes that are necessary. Narratively speaking, it might be a bit weird to skip Barry proposing he give himself up and go straight to people discussing why it would be a bad idea; that assumes the reader perfectly recalls the scene as it happened in the original (which I definitely don’t!)

Episode 12

Mick’s interactions with Len seem a lot more advanced from the last episode, maybe they should start earlier? Or have more of a ramp up?

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: Good point - we should definitely have more ghost!Len interactions that emphasize his bitterness about the hero thing as we go along. This is true both before and after he "appears" in this episode.

Episode 14

Didn’t in the previous episode Rip hand over the captainship? Should probably decide which place to have that happen.

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: I defer to the episode writers of 13/14, but I thought it worked quite well: at the end of 13, Rip rejects the team dynamic and says that Sara’s still the captain, while at the start of 14, we see that even if he has rejected the title of captain, he still thinks he ought to be listened to because he has the most Time Master experience, and that Sara’s still insecure about her position and is willing to listen to him, thereby spurring her episode arc of learning that she IS the most fit to lead the Legends as the team they currently are.

Episode 15

Are we going to see things about Lily earlier? She hasn’t been in the outlines so far.

I don’t think the Legion has any pieces yet? Admittedly my first read through for this isn’t as through as I’m trying to get through it all first then go back later with more notes.

Ok more of time loop issue, do we want to presume that these time traveling escapades have always happened? Reason being the interactions with Carter in particular. Seeing as he seems to remember all of his past lives he would have remembered the Legends in Season 1, probably had been found of Mick even based on the outline. If that is the case we might want to come up with a reason he doesn’t. If we assume this is a changed event, then this could have changed Carter in the modern time. In that case it could be some to explore if this timeline is explored later.

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: The Invasion (episode 7) outline mentions that all the Stein-discovers-initially-rejects-and-then-accepts-Lily stuff happens the same as in canon, which sets up Lily's appearance here.

As to the pieces, evil!Rip steals two pieces for the Legion in the American Revolution episode, the Legion gets a piece in the Argentina episode, Legion!Len steals a piece in the Tudor episode. Basically, the Legends are better at getting the episodic spear pieces, but the Legion is pretty good at stealing their pieces.

As for the time loop issue, given the sporadic nature of Carter and Kendra’s memory retention, he may just not have remembered it – or, if he did, it didn’t have enough of an impact on the timeline to change anything. I don’t think there’s any reason to mention it, but I defer to the episode writer!

Episode 16

When did Lily get there?

Entire first bits with Lily when did they happen?

When did Oculus Len come back?

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: Lily first appears in episode 7. Oculus!Len has always been there, appearing first as hallucinations and then revealed in episode 12 to be a ghost.

Episode 18

So why can’t we just get the spear before it’s broken up if they’re already in the area?

I almost have to laugh that Oculus Len has left and come back twice now. In rapid succession. All are good points for it to happen, at the moment I lean towards this later one, if for no other reason I find his presence in these later bits really good.

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: I’m not sure what you mean – the only time Oculus!Len “leaves” is to go with the Legion at the end of 16 and he “returns” to Mick’s side in 18. When else does he “leave”? And the spear wouldn’t have been “formed” yet – too early in history. A change in Rome's policies re: Jerusalem and the Jews would have huge implications, which works with the Legion's real end goal which is a trap.

Episode 19

Didn’t they just say they had all the pieces?

Wouldn’t it be suspected end of Arthur’s reign? Last I knew of while it’s fairly well accepted there was a historical Arthur, exactly who he was and when his reign was is unknown.

Episode 20

When did Meryln get there? (Personally I like having him there Meryln and Dahrk are very entertaining together IMO)

I admittedly miss that there is not more Pickpoket Len…but that’s a personal preference.

When they establish Rip didn’t really know much?

Ok I can bite that Green Lantern and Star Sapphire remember the original timeline because of being off planet, debatably in some bubble, but WHY DO THE BAT FAMILY? Or at least seem to? In this world why would heroes exist? Don’t get me wrong I love the Bat Family but HOW?

LOTREWRITE RESPONSE: I’ve fixed the Merlyn references, since he’s been replaced by Queen B. I wouldn’t mind seeing some of that infighting between the two of them. Rip’s character arc took place over Tudor England and the Race Riots, as he realized he knew less about what he was doing than he thought he did. As for the Bat Family – I’ll defer to the episode writer, but I thought the implication was fairly clear that the Bat Family didn’t remember the original timeline, they were just protecting their city as always, and that they were more likely to be a fully formed group in a world where the evil villains had taken over than in the original timeline, where they had not yet fully formed.

End

I can’t really say why but O!Len’s speech outline kind of came off a bit awkward to me, like maybe that’s his sentiment but I’m not sure he’d use those words?

Closing Thoughts

Overall considering so many people are involved it’s doing pretty well. I think one thing to remember is that one this is being done in a different medium like I mentioned before so somethings that work on TV won’t really work on this way. Also to remember this is pretty much for fans, and we as fans know what happened, if things are pretty much the same it shouldn’t need to be rewritten scene for scene.

I never really saw where Stein had his development? Also Sara’s arc seems a bit up and down as well? Maybe checking in with each other what she’s doing?

I really hope to see some more small references for some personal stuff like Mick/Len, Sara sleeping her way through history, Amaya struggling with losing her lover, ect. I realize they may be planned but just not in the outlines since they are mostly small details.

I hope no one is offended by these.

LOTREWRITE: Thanks for your comments!

#commentary #suggestions #submission #episode 1 #episode 4 #episode 7 #episode 12 #episode 14 #episode 15 #episode 16 #episode 18 #episode 19 #episode 20

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