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the-strawzish-clownfish · 4 years

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Oh, you wanted me to hit you with some? Bet. Do all of them Strawberry

YOBI I LEGIT JUST ASKED SOMEONE THE SAME THING

YOU’RE OMNISCIENT I SWEAR

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I have never considered that before now but thanks for that

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

3 probably, I’m not really scared of the dark most of the time (unless it’s literally pitch black), but every once in a while i get really unnerved bc i get rlly paranoid

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Satan

4. What is your favorite word?

“faith” bc my faith and bc synesthesia

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

uhhh flowering cherry bc at my old house my brothers and I each had a tree that my dad planted for us when we were each born and mine was a flowering cherry

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

I looked in the mirror this morning?

7. What shirt are you wearing?

coral pink bubba gump shrimp co. t shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

child of God, daughter of Sappho

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright if we’re talking natural light being let in through my windows, dark if we’re talking just normally bc rlly bright lights mess w my sensory issues

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

talking to you yobi

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this age, I’m a firm believer in that things will always get better, even if only one small thing does improve, when i think back on past years i get anxious and nostalgia isn’t good for me

12. Who told you they loved you last?

@toomanyfanfics that one

13. Your worst enemy?

my mental health tbh

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

never experienced romantic attraction, i used to have a plush (qp crush) on one of my best irl friends tho (@ blob have fun with this fact)

16. The last song you listened to?

I am listening to Echosmith’s Cool Kids as I am writing this, before that I was listening to Girls by Marina and the Diamonds, which is a hilarious song i 11/10 recommend

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

myself, I’m not s*icidal but I’m not killing someone else

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

whoever the person who decided Teen Vogue should endorse child pornography was

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

me, I would make myself do actual work for once

20. What is your best physical attribute?

my eyes, i just like them. fun fact this one kid i used to be kinda good friends with was talking with me on snapchat once (bc we did that a lot, back when i had snapchat) and i don’t remember how we got into this but he ended up describing my eyes really weirdly? it was really deep and got kinda strange? it was like a movie scene but via text message and then in the middle of it he was like “wtf am i doing” and i will always remember that (dude if you are for some reason reading this then idek what to say man. sorry). anyone who knows me irl (@ you blob) can take a guess as to who this is

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

idk the answer to either of those questions tbh

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

idek man sorry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

weed, like i’m genuinely terrified of being in its presence (never been in its presence before), i’ve had nightmares about it

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

EVERY TIME I GO TO SUBWAY I GET THE SAME THING. BUFFALO CHICKEN, RANCH, AND CHEESE ON ITALIAN HERBS AND CHEESE TOASTED. I WOULD REPLICATE THAT

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

go to Atlanta and find a homeless person and buy them some clothes and food and some blankets

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

CANADA

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

first of all why is an angel giving me unlimited alcohol that’s just kinda strange second of all i am a MINOR i am not legally ALLOWED however i will probably just take whatever and give it to some people, someone will like it

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

be kind and do good where you can and if someone wrongs you forgive them

29. What is your favorite expletive?

as;ldkfjasdkgaj;lsdf

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my cactus!! she is v important to me

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the first thing that comes to mind was really traumatic for me, but it’s what brought me as close as i am to God now so idk that i would get rid of it. idrk man, it really sucked but i’m glad that I’m so much closer to God now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a [redacted bc even though this is a hypothetical i absolutely would never do this and refuse to acknowledge it even in a hypothetical situation]. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

….Canada?

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk, peeps are in heaven now and i don’t really wanna take that away from them

34. What was your last dream about?

ask God not me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

not really, however i have had several surgeries (all on my mouth) so i was in the hospital for those

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I have built a real, genuine snowman once in my life, and the only proof is a picture i have bc i was so little i can’t even remember it. it doesn’t snow in georgia

38. What is the color of your socks?

ain’t wearing em, however most of mine are gray with some colorful bits

39. What type of music do you like?

I have an eclectic mix of favorites.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises all the way, the afternoon and evening make me anxious but nighttime and dawn and early morning are the best times

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

vanilla bitch

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

UGA i guess bc it’s ga and that’s a safe answer, i don’t really follow sports (i watch baseball sometimes though)

43. Do you have any scars?

oh i’m covered in tiny ones, the most notable being one on my thigh that was on my knee when i first noticed it. to this day i do not know how i got it

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

gay

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i wanna be better about lying

46. Are you reliable?

heh depends, when it comes to knowing random things or being stupid, yes, but when it comes to remembering things, such as dates and times and things? absolutely not

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Has it gotten easier?

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes and no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a whelk and a quetzalcoatlus, no i do not accept constructive criticism

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i once spent hours talking to myself about if it is possible for a perfectly fair coin to exist outside of theory

51. Are you a good liar?

I like to think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Oh I could go a looooooooooooooong time, however i do have my chatterbox days and i am known for not shutting up so it’s really a tossup on that one

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

when i was 3 my mom put blonde highlights in my hair and it was absolutely absurd

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

i cannot bake to save my life, however i have made my father cheesecakes for his birthday and they turned out okay so idk

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

sco-ish

56. What do you like on your toast?

a crap ton of butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

dude in a graduation cap

58. What would be you dream car?

idk whatever’s cheap and works

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

uhhh not really no

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i mean i don’t think we’re the only life in the entire universe, so yeah (and also they’ve found traces of ancient bacteria on Mars so if you don’t believe then who are you kidding)

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

occasionally, i don’t believe in astrology but it’s at least somewhat accurate a lot of the time and i like to freak myself out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

you’d think i’d have an answer for this, however i have never thought about this before. so e ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

if your answer to this is dinosaurs then get out of my house

64. What do you think about babies?

they’re good at shrieking, and for that i admire them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

i am not interesting

#are you pleased with yourself yobi #sorry this took so long #strawzy answers #fucking yobi #tw swearing #cw swearing #strawzy cleans out dus inbox

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ssironstrange · 5 years

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endgame rant

SPOILERS AHEAD PLEASE AVOID IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET

yeah i know i said i wouldn’t post spoiler shit but listen i gotta get this off my chest ok

i have some REAL BIG FUCKING ISSUES with the way the russos handled a lot of plotlines. don’t get me wrong, this movie was amazing and epic and fucking award worthy, but as a fan i’ve taken offense to a Lot of things.

clint

nothing about his ronin story makes a lick of fucking sense in the mcu. his family is dusted so he…… goes on a mass murdering spree??? decides that he should get a haircut and spend the next five years getting an edgy tattoo sleeve??? um. okay then. destroy the past like 10 years of his character having one of the best moral compasses of the entire team. why did he take up using a fucking SWORD in present day? do you know how long it takes to master swordsmanship at the level he was? with at least half of the world’s teachers gone? more than five fucking years thats for damn sure. and between him and natasha dying for the soul stone? it should have been him. i know he had a family and all but listen. nat went through physical and psychological torture. her body was modified against her will. she was brainwashed and used. and finally, FINALLY she gets free of it all, finds a family in the avengers, and continues to try and better herself to make up for things that weren’t even her fault to begin with. and clint? what did he suffer? oh thats right. nothing. he’s just damn good at his job and loves his family. the fact he has a family sucks for sacrifice, but they are well taken care of and every single one of his kids are old enough to understand AND nat would have stepped in immediately as a parental figure to help laura. they fucking fridged nat for clint and i will never forgive that.

thor

here we go. thor’s character legit made me uncomfortable. they went way overboard with the new thor personality. but… fatshaming and making fun of his very real depression and ptsd?? wtf russos. like, haha he let himself go so funny but its NOT. he wasn’t even like…. fat, for one. just a normal dadbod and beer belly. which by the way seems a lot more realistic according to most norse myths of the gods. they were warriors, yeah, but they drank a fucking lot and feasted a fucking lot so. anyway. thor has lost his entire family. not only that but he watched them all die. he saw his mother bleed out. he watched his father disperse into nothingness. he watched the brother he has loved and cherished no matter the amount of times of betrayal and misdeeds get his neck snapped and his lifeless body thrown to the ground. and then the sister he never knew he had killing almost all of your people and then being forced to find a way to kill her. can you imagine trying to cope with that??? and when you put his age into our perspective, he’s only in his 20s. so imagine seeing your whole family die before you’re even 25, then taking on the responsibility of ruling your people. said surviving people are then massacred in front of you with only a few dozen escaping. THEN living with the guilt of blowing your chance to kill the man responsible for that and unable to stop him from decimating half the universe. (and even when he does get revenge on him, it’s too late) tell me you wouldn’t have an atomic level meltdown. thor is suffering so much and all they can do is make fun of him for it and shame him for it. he deserved better.

steve

yall know i don’t like steve. i don’t hate him and i’m not anti-steve, i’ve just never enjoyed his rather inconsistent character and self-righteousness. it felt like we were FINALLY getting a steve i could get behind in this. a steve that swears like he should. a steve who still puts on a brave face for the public but behind closed doors with friends he’s miserable and broken like the rest of them and SHOWS it to them. a steve who realizes he is stuck in the past and just can’t seem to move forward. a steve who i can finally see the culmination of EVERYTHING he’s been through resting on his shoulders and eating him alive inside. finally we were getting a properly layered steve rogers. and then tony came back and that all fell apart. we didn’t get the apology steve owed him (and tbh tony owed him one too but we’ll get to that), we didn’t get a remorseful steve. he didn’t even address the goddamn issue. he went straight back to his bullshit. admittedly he was a better listener this time around and a far better team player overall. it wasn’t a total loss. but. BUT. his ending? no. hell fucking no. i’m happy he and peggy got their life, but it still shouldn’t have happened. how fucking selfish. how fucking backwards of his character. i get he didn’t have a choice in being brought back into the present and that is unfair and sucks for him, but what fucking right did he have to mess with a timeline like that? what right did he have to just decide without telling anyone he was done and giving up? why did he get the fucking happy ending???? steve rogers who looked tony in the eyes and said he wasn’t the kind of man to lay on the wire for someone copped out. steve rogers who knows of all the social progress we’ve made decides to go back to a time where he would be forced to accept segregation and extreme gender inequality and rampant, blatant, gross racism of all sorts oh and more war and alkjdalksdhkas NO plus they broke their own time travel rules so like whatever i guess right?? it’s okay if steeb gets his stupid happy ending right? god is it SO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONCE TO HAVE A GOOD CHARACTERIZATION OFCAP???? it’s not your fault cevans honey you’re doing amazing your directors just have no fucking idea

tony

frankly this has been amongst rdj’s best performances of tony. i’m still partial to a lot of his acting in the iron man movies BUT this was FANTASTIC. him finally being allowed to absolutely go off on steve was fucking delicious and everything i was waiting for. let it all out tony baby. buuuuut we should have also had something more. i know my fellow tony stans typically don’t believe it but tony was wrong in civil war too. surprise they both fucking were. ANYWAY. i was waiting for an honest apology between them both. after everything they just went through, NONE of the petty bullshit they went through before matters at all. and yet the closest thing we get is tony just being like “turns out i don’t like to hold grudges” or what the fuck ever. why is it so hard just to make one of them say i’m sorry, the other say i’m sorry, admit it was a bunch of BULLSHIT hug it out and then go forward???? ugh. their choice to make tony suddenly care about his dad and be happy to see him???? disgusting. they made it canon that howard was an abuser, neglectful, cold, and hateful. it’s been a BIG DEAL how tony has struggled with the relationship to his dad because of how shitty the man was to him. and then they do tHAT? fuuuuCK that!!!! i’m not saying tony isn’t allowed to forgive howard. thats fine and expected tbh. but they pushed it way too far. the tony stark we’ve known for the last decade would never get all giddy and happy to see him and hug him and fucking thank him??? what the fuckk?? god that was gross. you know what we should have gotten? what tony deserved more than howard fucking stark? MARIA STARK!! and then, of course, my main issue. they fucking killed him. which only tells us, the audience and fans that no matter what you suffer and sacrifice that your only way to redemption is death. jesus fucking christ i am SO angry over this. they killed the two who suffered the fucking most. the two who every single goddamn day worked on being a better person. nat and tony both deserved so much better than waht they got. how the fuck did it make sense to kill tony who now has a fucking CHILD, who still has a future, who FINALLY FOR ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE FOUND A SHRED OF PEACE????? and then let steve just go selfishly galavant through time as he pleases to have the cute happy ending? FUCK that ending. fuck it right up the ass with a huge unlubed cock. steve should have been the one to use the gauntlet. period. he should have been the one to die like that. i would have still fucking cried but you know what?? that would be the most cap thing ever. i wanted a mirror of pre-serum steve jumping on that grenade, but this time grabbing the gauntlet and not hesitating for a split second to snap. but no. they killed tony who left behind a wife who DESERVED MORE THAN HAVING THE MAN SHES LOVED AND SUPPORTED AND MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD WITH RIPPED AWAY FROM HER!!! tony who left behind a daughter too young to really comprehend yet why her daddy isn’t going to be coming back. fuck you russos. the injustice of it is astounding. i’m never going to get over it. you know how they could have killed tony? if they really felt like they needed to? have him grow old and die naturally of old age with pepper in their cute little lakeside house after watching morgan grow into such a strong and brilliant person. but oh. they gave that to steve. right.

stephen

i’ll never complain about having more stephen content but uhhhh i’m gonna complain that we didn’t get more than what we got cause after sitting in the soulworld for five fucking years you canNOT tell me he didn’t get even stronger with time to practice and meditate and work through every iota of information of mystical shit in his head. and yet they sidelined him??? after we’ve SEEN what he’s capable of in IW? just gonna put him on flood control???? something that any of those goddamn sorcerers could have done while he helps wipe the floor with thanos or any of the thousands of enemies? fuuuuuuuuuck that. can you fucking imagine how quickly thanos would have been taken out if it were wanda, carol, and stephen all three against him? jesus. he’s literally amongst the most powerful people but nah, just have him stand over there.

the gay russo

FUCK you for that. i am LIVID about it. yall can’t fucking make valkyrie bi???? or carol????? yall can’t GET AN ACTUAL GAY ACTOR? “ We felt it was important that one of us play him, to ensure the integrity and show it is so important to the filmmakers that one of us is representing that. “ WHAT????????? are you fucking telling me a WOC WHO IS OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS HER CHARACTER TO BE BISEXUAL COULDNT ENSURE THE INTEGRITY OF AN LGBT CHARACTER???????????????? “ It is a perfect time, because one of the things that is compelling about the Marvel Universe moving forward is its focus on diversity.” SEE PREVIOUS COMMENT????? oh my god fuck them forever.

lets make rules for our time travel then break them immediately

idek whats going on in the timeline anymore. they utterly fucked up and BROKE the timeline of 2012 avengers after letting loki get away with the tesseract. which should have cascaded into their future but, well, it didn’t. so i GUESS now we’re just pretending that made a new timeline which makes no goddamn sense but whatever i guess. steve going back to completely fuck with his timeline, or a timeline at least, and having no consequences in the future besides being old. okay. sure??? we can do all that but we can’t fucking get natasha back. right. cool. okay.

anyway i’m sure theres more bugging me but these are the things bothering me most.

and frankly i don’t care if anyone disagrees i’m not arguing or debating any of this.

#endgame

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justcallmedust · 4 years

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I love these ads I’m getting on Hulu, here and reddit. The ads that tell me I’m worth texting a therapist about my depression.

Yes I feel depressed, no doubt millions are right now. With everyone’s rights being so severely violated I can’t imagine anyone being happy about much. I’m sure a lot of people are going through what I’m going through and that reduces its value to nothing.

Well you’re all going through a tough time right now so band together in your sadness and you’ll be ok. 👍🏻

Sure.

My children are failing at “distance learning” because *fun fact, there’s no learning happening when you are completely cut off from the learning environment.

The term distance learning is an oxymoron.

I am failing at being a homeschool teacher because I work nights and occasionally oversleep because I was out working. I have legit fallen asleep at the table while trying to help with ridiculous amounts of schoolwork. Oh and if I do that, my snotty teenager walks out the door to go who knows where.

So yeah, I’m a shitty teacher because I still have to go to work. I don’t get to just sit home and collect unemployment because I work for an essential business. And of course my hours have been cut because we are not allowed to be open past a certain time so I’m losing money with no way to make it up.

Oh right, and of course it makes total sense that it’s safe to go into certain stores, but somehow not safe to go to school or get a haircut. Do people have any idea what goes on inside a store?

We need a new lawn mower. We are unable to get a new lawn mower because my husband works days and cannot take time to stand in a 4 hour line to get into a store that sells them. I am currently stuck at home with a vehicle I can’t use because it needs work and there are no mechanics near us that are open. By the time my husband gets home I have to rush right out the door and fly to work so I’m not late, and of course all stores are closed once I clock out. Can’t even order a lawn mower because none, from any online venue, are available for shipping to my home. And guess what happens when you don’t mow your lawn in an area where ticks are an issue? This means the kids can’t even go out and play in the grass, we have already had our fair share of Lyme disease.

Then there is the absurd issue of masks. For weeks our business was being forced to send out any masks we had in stock for customers or employees - because only the important people needed them. Then we are told we have to wear them regardless of the fact that we have none and neither did anyone else. So I made masks, tons of them. But guess what? Turns out if they aren’t designed to filter harmful bacteria, they can’t actually protect anyone from anything. In fact they cause harm by reducing everyone’s exposure to the normal amount of bacteria they are usually exposed to thereby negatively impacting their immune system to normal things like viruses and diseases we have been surrounded by since the dawn of time. Also, wearing a mask for more than 2 hours will create a situation where you will end up infecting yourself with your own bacteria sitting in said mask and being forced to breathe it in.

Yes there are a ton of conspiracy theories and yes some of them are bubkis, but facts are facts.

Fact is, there isn’t enough evidence to support the insane response our government has had to a virus.

Fact is, there is a lot of evidence that proves all the misinformation being spewed wrong.

Fact is, we have been stripped of some basic rights and most are sitting down for it and saying, welp it is what it is.

Fact is, all of this and lots more, is overwhelming and depressing.

Thanks PTB for creating this situation and further destroying what could be a decent life.

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mattpayton · 5 years

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Matt Payton’s Best Of 2018 Brought To You By MoviePass

Thank you for helping to make 2018 a huge success for all of us here at MoviePass, a company that is definitely housed in some sort of building with desks and not some trust fund kid running this thing from a Panera Bread before going to a court-ordered rehab program every morning!

When we heard Matt Payton was making his annual best-of lists for 2018 we thought this was a great partnership opportunity and told him we would be handling all the write ups this year. Technically this counts toward our 6,000 hours of community service that we owe after accidentally blowing up the scooter factory we were interning at, so let us all take a moment to reflect on the joys of giving back.

Let’s see some of his favorite releases from the past year, shall we? We only ask that you refrain from looking at this until March, as this is considered “peak list time” and it will cost an additional $14.95 a minute. We apologize for any inconvenience but sometimes we have to make hard decisions to keep offering you so many lists per month that you definitely want to read and have heard of!

MATT’S FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2018

1. Cloud Nothings Last Building Burning

This album is a supercharged loud burst of frustrated energy that sounded great over our speakers until the repo man came in and loaded them into his truck. He called back later to say that the whole album slaps in between tirades asking us how we sleep at night. Super passionate guy!

2. Pusha T DAYTONA

We played this one at our party celebrating 1 million subscribers and our unpaid intern/CFO/in-house counsel was so taken by the album’s focused drive and straightforward production that he opted not to testify against us in the civil suit brought forth by our investors. I mean, we’re not talking about ongoing legal matters here, bump this shit at your next get together with your totally legit and above-board friends!

3. Parquet Courts Wide Awake!

Every one of our employees was given a copy of this album for taking a pay hiatus from February-December to show our appreciation for their sacrifices and access to their plasma. The ones who survived reported that the many styles attempted on this record were pulled off with aplomb!

4. No Age Snares Like A Haircut

At our quarterly board meetings we would usually need a fast, droning album to get things going after the sifter of China white would get depleted. We’ll be goddamned if this didn’t do the trick each time until we switched over to an audiobook on how to successfully steal someone’s identity without having to answer a bunch of e-mails.

5. Snail Mail Lush

The arrangements on each of the songs are so rich that you can always appreciate something new with each listen just like the media can always appreciate how Netflix is the respectable behemoth on the scene even though they’re $20 billion in debt and put out mostly crap, but our heads are in the clouds because we wanted to give people affordable movie ticket prices. I just don’t get why we’re the assholes and people don’t talk about her vocal range on this record more.

6. Earl Sweatshirt Some Rap Songs

Just breathe and do your exercises, your work doesn’t define you. There’s still time to open that fountain pen store you’ve always thought about. You can offer people unlimited ink for 5 years if they just give you 30 bucks up front. Then you could, oh this album is in a whole other realm and you want to stay there, just get some money...

7. Dilly Dally Heaven

...To stay afloat until the real customers kick in and they’ll pay for the ink as they go at full price. The initial free ink people will be grandfathered in but they’ll be offset. Wait, what if they just tell the other customers they got the hookup? Okay we’ll have to, sorry, these riffs will be stuck in your head for days and there’s no fat on the whole album, it sets a mood for sure, put something in the ink...

8. KIDS SEE GHOSTS KIDS SEE GHOSTS

...That will slowly poison the people who paid so little for it so eventually everyone will be paying the full price and the huge profits will make up for the beginning losses. Phew! Glad I solved that pickle. The fact that the production style is kind of all over the place is actually this album’s strength, I don’t know, it’s good, okay? I got bigger fish to fry right now.

9. Vince Staples FM!

Like how do I keep the poison ink separate from the regular ink without tipping off one of the employees? I guess I could just work by myself in the store every day, but what kind of life is that? I could be like Vince Staples and make a product that gets more rewarding the more you engage with it, but I also need some me time.

10. Kurt Vile Bottle It In

If my mind isn’t sharp how will I develop a poison ink that slowly kills you without ingesting it? Maybe the smell could be so strong that you breathe it in and eventually collapses your lungs like coal. You see, this is why I need some time off because I just thought of that off the top of my head and I haven’t worked on MoviePass since October. I just appear laid back like Kurt Vile so no one realizes how intricate and consistent our output is that they almost start to take it for granted.

Honorable Mention:

Anna Burch Quit The Curse

Jay Rock Redemption

MATT’S FAVORITE SONGS OF 2018

1. Parquet Courts “Total Football”

youtube

A rousing, mission statement type of song that’s so good you’ll just stay home and listen to it for months instead of going to the movies, allowing the company paying for said movies to get back into the black.

2. NoName “Blaxploitation”

youtube

A song that will make people think and therefore distract them as they gather outside of your headquarters wielding pitchforks and lit torches to light your image in effigy.

3. Pusha T “The Games We Play”

youtube

The type of song you’d want to drive around to, particularly if you’re fleeing the country with several briefcases containing IOUs and user agreements.

4. Cloud Nothings “Leave Him Now”

youtube

Put this song on a mixtape for someone who you were interested in or legally has to tell you that they’re a cop before going on a backpacking trip through Europe with you.

5. Snail Mail “Full Control”

Lush by Snail Mail

This song would really work in a movie trailer provided that you had a movie membership that paid the cost of such things instead of giving you enough money to sneak in 70 minutes into the movie when the ticket seller goes on break.

6. No Age “Cruise Control”

youtube

A good song to put on when trying to set up a new IP address to illegally download a movie with Lithuanian subtitles because you’re certainly not going to be able to see it in a theater with our options.

7. MGMT “Little Dark Age”

youtube

A song to play for that special someone who you’ve become close with thanks to the prison pen pal program as you’ve blown all your seed money on a Potsie from Happy Days scheme.

8. Ty Segall “The Main Pretender”

youtube

Embed this song in an e-mail to your customers next time you explain to them that you sold all of their personal information to the Assad government and your DOB/SSN will be the passcode to detonate an explosive device.

9. Titus Andronicus “Number One (In New York)”

youtube

This song is so good you’ll only want to listen to it once a year, which is the same frequency you should see movies, preferably on a Tuesday morning not during a holiday week.

10. Kurt Vile “Loading Zones”

youtube

The perfect song to play while screaming, “I was just ahead of my time!” into a mirror in the middle of the night while holed up in the remains of your childhood home you’ve mortgaged to the gills.

MATT’S FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2018

1. First Reformed (Paul Schrader)

Now we’re on the movie side, our area of expertise! This came out when we were still offering our services without any strings attached. But after getting a glimpse into the persecuted mind of Paul Schrader we decided to put our customers through their own self-lacerating baptism by fire. Very inspirational movie for all of us!

2. The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos)

When this movie came out the only movies we made available were industrials from the 1920s that advocated to leave behind the children in the factories who got their fingers stuck in the bobbins. It was very funny and visually striking but not as informative as Pop Go The Weasels.

3. The Death Of Stalin (Armando Iannucci)

This is the first film that Mr. Payton used our membership and it set him up with a false hope that going to the movies was going to be this easy and joyous from this point on. Much like the movie, we started showing all the backstabbing and deceit available to mankind shortly after the inciting incident.

4. The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs (Joel & Ethan Coen)

This movie was seen at a theater using our service but at this point in the year people were so beaten down from lowered expectations that the Coen brothers sued us for stealing their themes of trying to make the best out of a life where you’re damned before you’ve begun.

5. Leave No Trace (Debra Granik)

While we were still technically thriving when this movie came out, we soon took inspiration from the main characters of this movie and went off the grid for quite some time. When we came back and greeted the creditors who were roasting marshmallows over the burning remains of our ledgers they politely verified our identity before punching us in the solar plexus.

6 Sorry To Bother You (Boots Riley)

This movie’s class conscious critique of capitalism made us nervous until we offered customers a time-share zamboni ownership for getting 12 friends to sign up for our service. That’s the kind of collective organizing we like to encourage!

7. Burning (Chang-dong Lee)

We did not make this movie available for our service so Mr. Payton had to pay a regular ticket price to see it. We made it up to him by automatically renewing his membership for the next 10 years, by which point we will be a chocolate of the month club. The movie also starts out as one thing and turns into quite another. So you’d think he’d admire us for it.

8. Support The Girls (Andrew Bujalski)

This came out during the period where we would make movies available one day and then the next have nothing to offer and what an exciting time to be alive! Much like the characters had to do in the movie, you never knew what was going to come at you and make things extremely frustrating for no reason whatsoever. That’s why they call this a business and not just something I’m doing to prove to my dad that podiatry school would’ve been a waste of time.

9. Shoplifters (Hirokazu Koreeda)

We have a lot in common with this movie as it won the top prize at the Cannes film festival in France and we’re not allowed in the country since we tried to sell low-cost accordions to street urchins as part of our senior thesis at the Wharton School. But no one had any vision for these kinds of subscriptions services way back in the spring of 2017.

10. If Beale Street Could Talk (Barry Jenkins)

The movie was touching and funny and full of great performances and if you happen to be interested in any investment opportunities for the love of god don’t talk to your financial advisor or fucking wife and just head down to the Embassy Suites off route 10 and meet me in the conference room after the sun goes down tonight. The prospectus will be written in invisible ink but the cookies will be made with the best Burry’s Fudge Town has to offer!

Honorable Mention:

Cold War (Pawel Pawlikowski)

A Quiet Place (John Krasinski)

Lean On Pete (Andrew Haigh)

Blaze (Ethan Hawke)

Filmworker (Tony Zierra)

MATT’S MOST OVERHYPED MOVIES OF 2018

1. Eighth Grade (Bo Burnham)

I’m glad you could make it here today and again, we don’t need to turn on the lights. The lady at the front desk said it would just disturb the other guests here.

2. BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee)

No, you don’t need to ask her. She definitely knows we’re in here and even asked if I’d go on a date with her earlier. She said something about having a hot cousin who is lonely if you want to double.

3. Game Night (John Francis Daley & Jonathan Goldstein)

But that’s not the point right now, I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime here and the fact that you’ve read this far down on the best of the year list shows you’ve got what it takes to rake it in over the long haul.

4. Can You Ever Forgive Me? (Marielle Heller)

Why yes, I wouldn’t mind speaking more clearly into the flower on your lapel. My, what a lovely fragrance that is! Panasonic, you say? I’m unfamiliar with that type of bouquet.

5. Roma (Alfonso Cuarón)

So anyway, you just give me the money and I’ll come back with triple the amount after a few months! If you want to reinvest at that point, it’s up to you. Hey, what’s that taped to your chest?

6. Isle Of Dogs (Wes Anderson)

Oh I get it, you’re a movie bootlegger. That’s why you wanted in on the ground floor of this. You wear audio equipment into theaters and you need a man on the inside of the business to gain more of a foothold.

7. You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsay)

Damnit! I knew this was too good to be true. I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask that you get back into that car outside waiting for you with your two friends wearing sunglasses and matching jackets in the front seat that’s still running.

8. First Man (Damien Chazelle)

No! You know what? I said 2019 was going to be the year I started trusting my gut more and I have a good feeling about you. Because a successful business needs a good idea and vision, which I have taken care of. It also needs money, which is where that extremely light suitcase I helped you carry comes in.

9. Vice (Adam McKay)

So you have a passion for movies that occasionally has you bending the law to spread them to friends and loved ones? I’d rather have a partner who cares and has vital blood pumping through their veins than some old lifeless, rule-following bureaucrat.

10. Widows (Steve McQueen)

I’d love to shake your hand to finalize this deal as soon as you’re done talking into the underside of your wrist. Let’s just wait until these gentlemen crashing through the windows make their way over to the concierge desk and we can sign this thing. Do you have a fountain pen?

Just Plain Worst Movies:

Bohemian Rhapsody (Bryan Singer)

Chappaquiddick (John Curran)

Mute (Duncan Jones)

Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg)

Previous Years In Review

#Music #Film #Year In Review

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movies2000future-blog · 7 years

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5 Unforgettable Scenes From Five Distinct Movies inside their Anniversary 7 days Starring Jason Statham, Steven Seagal, Christopher Walken, and Mark Wahlberg

Warner Bros./New Line Cinema/20th Century Fox/Columbia Pictures/CBS Films/Ringer illustration You will discover times once the universe allows you to recognize that it enjoys you, and that it’s shielding you, and that it needs you to be happy-and otherwise satisfied then no less than not sad. I’ll give you a straightforward case in point: Just one time, back once i was about 17 or so, I used to be likely to visit a social gathering that a number of people I halfway understood had been throwing. It had been going to be good. I’d gotten affirmation that a girl I favored was going to be there, as well as I’d just gotten an excellent haircut so I was seriously emotion myself, and also each of my mother and father ended up out of city that weekend, so I felt like I was many of the way totally free, so all over again: It was going to be excellent. Besides that it under no circumstances was. In fact, it never even bought the prospect to generally be. Simply because when i got into my car to head above there, it wouldn’t get started. I set the important thing in and turned it and nothing at all. There was no authentic basis for it to not work-it had been functioning great earlier that day. But it really just wouldn’t switch over. I attempted for a fantastic 15 or so minutes. I even tried using opening the hood and jiggling several of the wires, which was (and remains) the extent of my car-servicing abilities. Practically nothing worked. I identified as a number of mates to see if I could get yourself a journey, but most all people was gone already (and no-one experienced a cellphone since we had been all very poor and cellphones were being only for wealthy individuals in 1998). So I had been just caught there, at your house, for that total night, just like a chump.

But here’s the detail: I found out the next working day that the occasion was a total catastrophe. It’d started out out very well enough, but then a large battle broke out, after which many on the autos there had their home windows smashed by somebody (or someones), and after that just one from the neighbors referred to as the law enforcement, and after that lots of people got tickets, and two of them even ended up having legit arrested. (There was a rumor that a different particular person ended up getting tasered, but I’m rather confident which was a lie.) And on top of all of that, the lady I used to be hoping to court docket under no circumstances even confirmed up. The universe spared me lots of different varieties of heartache that night by draining my motor vehicle battery of the will to begin, is exactly what I’m indicating.

I’ll offer you an additional example, and one particular which is extra applicable and also extra timely: Everything of this perform 7 days, Monday to Friday, is usually a five-count anniversary of a wonderful movie. Listen to how amazing and ideal this is certainly: Monday could be the 25th anniversary of Underneath Siege (which, equally as an unrelated aside, isn’t my beloved Steven Seagal movie, but it’s surely quite possibly the most successful one). Tuesday will be the twentieth anniversary of Boogie Nights (which, equally as a further unrelated aside, is not my favored Mark Wahlberg motion picture, but it’s surely his greatest 1). Wednesday could be the fifteenth anniversary of Jason Statham’s The Transporter. Thursday could be the tenth anniversary of Joaquin Phoenix’s We Own the Evening (Mark Wahlberg is additionally in this particular a single, but Joaquin blows him from the monitor). And were it not for that 2012 intercalary year, then Friday could be the fifth anniversary of Colin Farrell’s 7 Psychopaths.

Have you ever viewed all of those films? I've viewed all of those movies many occasions. In fact, after i observed that every one of their anniversaries were being this week, I viewed them all all over again, inside the purchase they ended up detailed earlier mentioned. I believed that accomplishing so would perhaps help me unlock some kind of magic formula code; probably I’d comprehend they were being all tied together by some central concept, or by some grand that means larger than just about every individual movie’s very own indicating, or by some byzantine (but nevertheless discernible) existential conundrum which was actually a byzantine (but nevertheless discernible) existential revelation. That didn’t come about, however. Mostly I had been just sitting down there, scribbling notes down making an attempt to connect issues that most likely weren’t meant to generally be related, looking pretty a lot like a fewer handsome version of Russell Crowe in the course of the middle third of the Attractive Brain. (A gorgeous Thoughts will celebrate its sixteenth anniversary later on this year.) (Russell Crowe was 16 when he made a decision to pursue acting as being a job.) (It is all related.) (Even though it’s not.)

Probably the most preposterous but nonetheless excellent scene of every one of the scenes in Below Siege, Boogie Evenings, The Transporter, We Personal the Night, and 7 Psychopaths may be the just one during the Transporter in which Jason Statham has got to combat 8 diverse guys even though covered in outdated motor oil. Seem:

Three matters in this article, organized by get of relevance, minimum to most:

1. Statham is shirtless here since, about two minutes prior, a nasty person ran up guiding him and grabbed him via the shirt. Statham slid his way from it, then made use of the shirt to tie up two lousy fellas while combating them, and immediately after he tied them up, he knocked them both equally out by punching them in the same time, just one together with his appropriate hand and just one together with his still left hand. Here’s the double punch:

2. You have to be described as a serious and legit genius to, in the course of an oil battle, appear up along with the notion to get rid of the pedals from a bicycle in order to utilize them as grip throughout the rest in the fight. It is significantly far more remarkable when compared to the time he made use of the construction scaffolding through that huge combat scene from the Transporter two, or perhaps the time he made use of his shirt and jacket and tie all through that massive combat scene inside the Transporter 3.

3. The Transporter is often a fun motion picture to think about simply because it came in the course of this curious interval when action motion pictures didn’t genuinely understand what to complete with by themselves. They needed their heroes to generally be intimidating and cool, same because they usually had and generally are going to be, nonetheless they also wanted them to get hesitant and forced into motion (like what started off happening right following Die Really hard), nevertheless they also wished them to become really serious even though also becoming absolutely absurd (that's how you conclusion up having a scene exactly where an individual handles a garage flooring in oil and after that uses bicycle pedals to present himself grip even though all people else slides around helplessly). I don’t need to say it is a pivotal motion picture, simply because it is not, but it surely of course came throughout a transitional interval.

The best scene of every one of the scenes in Below Siege, Boogie Evenings, The Transporter, We Personal the Evening, and seven Psychopaths that prominently functions a penis may be the 1 at the conclusion of Boogie Nights*, though I think you presently knew that, along with the greatest scene of each of the scenes in Under Siege, Boogie Nights, The Transporter, We Individual the Night time, and 7 Psychopaths that prominently functions a nipple could be the a person for the commencing of We Have the Night, although I think you presently knew that, as well.

*After seeing Boogie Nights, I usually thought of the casting phone that must’ve absent out for that final scene. I questioned the quantity of distinct penises had been sorted through just before choosing the stunt penis. I wondered in the event the casting director (Christine Sheaks) appeared at them in genuine everyday living or simply through photos-and if it absolutely was shots, then was there, like, maybe a manila folder or one thing that she experienced somewhere in her place of work. The oral history of Boogie Evenings, though, which ran on Grantland in 2014, unveiled a solution that was someway much more entertaining and hypothetically hilarious: it absolutely was an enormous prosthetic penis that Wahlberg wore above his genuine penis.

The worst scene of each of the scenes in Beneath Siege, Boogie Evenings, The Transporter, We Have the Evening, and 7 Psychopaths was, fairly incredibly, in essence the many scenes in Beneath Siege, an action film where Steven Seagal plays a cook on the battleship that gets taken in excess of by Tommy Lee Jones in a very rhinestone jacket. 1 with the important plot details of Below Siege is always that Seagal’s character, Casey Ryback, will get locked inside a meat locker, if you can even feel that, which you ought to simply because it is a Steven Seagal movie. A different with the important plot points can be a stripper falls asleep within an enormous cake for half an hour. Which is the sort of film we’re speaking about here. I used to be honestly shocked by how lousy it absolutely was. It absolutely was like an individual explained, “Let’s make an motion movie, but let us miss the entire elements that make action videos enjoyable.” The only midway excellent component of it's close to the finish when Seagal rips a guy’s throat out together with his bare hands, but even that element is simply a retread of what Patrick Swayze did at the end of Highway Property.

The ideal opening scene of every one of the opening scenes in Less than Siege, Boogie Nights, The Transporter, We Very own the Night, and 7 Psychopaths will be the 1 in 7 Psychopaths when the two undesirable men stand close to waiting around to murder a woman only to end up obtaining murdered them selves. Look:

Two things in this article:

one. Seven Psychopaths is a really enjoyment film to watch. There are actually just a lot of great times and fantastic performances in it. Christopher Walken features a amazing element in which he refuses to put his hands up at gunpoint. Woody Harrelson, that is perpetually underrated, and Sam Rockwell, who could be far more perpetually underrated than Harrelson, possess a standoff that may be hilarious and superb. And Colin Farrell is great through. (Similar: This might be Colin at his most devilishly handsome. It is nearly offensive how handsome he is here.)

two. Michael Stuhlbarg may be the person with the dim brown hair within the scene previously mentioned. He's so, so fantastic. Irrespective of the film he is in, he usually manages to become just the correct quantity of charming and fast and smart. He was even perfect in Males in Black 3, and that is an particularly amazing issue given that it was Guys in Black three. (An apart: Tommy Lee Jones is in Adult males in Black 3.) (He’s fantastic, way too.) (He’s constantly fantastic, even when he’s negative.) (Like he was in Less than Siege.) (It is all linked.) (Even when it is not.) (Or whatsoever.)

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terminallycheesecake · 7 years

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65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I do honestly #dissociation is anyone real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2? I’m pretty good at getting myself to not freak out with logic, or if all else fails, a good protection charm.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

4. What is your favorite word?

simultaneously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

mmmm I’m not sure,, a willow tree?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

oh god i picked at the skin on my nose last night and now i have a big red scab there its so noticeable

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a black tanktop that says “EVERYTHING HURTS AND IM DYING”

8. What do you label yourself as?

A transdude, a witchling, a homestuck, a furry, gay, pan, fickin, brother, idk akdlsjf

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room, but some bright rooms can be good too?

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

honestly I think I fell asleep before then, which is kind of unusual.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Probably now tbh? 17

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My amazing bf we tell each other this legit every time we open up the same chat i mean.

13. Your worst enemy?

I dont think I really have one? maybe like “my inner critic” or something edgy like that.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

this venty art thing that actually is really aesthetic that my moirail made.

15. Do you like someone?

my moirail, my bf, my friends, all the cats in the world, etc

16. The last song you listened to?

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

my dad lmao. but when he isn’t home like ew the mess.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

my dad.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

my brother has to fucking clean the fucking toilet ok he pisses fucking everywhere guys.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

fuck idk. alot of people say they really admire my jawline? but i never have thought of it as anything special lskdjf. I think my eyes maybe?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

taking this as in genitalia lmao if i had a dick for a day. idfk omg

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im. idk i can type faster than the average person? fuckifiknow

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

eyes. like. in the dark, just seeing a pair of eyes.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

a pizza. but shaped like a sandwhich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

add it to the collection of money in my wallet that im too afraid to spend until i find the perfect shit online.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Canada. Right to my bf’s doorstep, so I can fuckin see him ok. @skelepunny

I’ll find out what is most popular and sell it off to people.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Only lgbt++++++++++ no cishets allowed.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

i want to say fuck just because i say it most, but thats boring so like.

onee thing can that like qualify as ONE trashbag filled with all of my favorite posessions?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i erase my dad from my entire memory

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

canada. to my bf. this is all.

idk can i give that choice to someone who needs it more? I didnt really know anyone well who’s died in my family.

34. What was your last dream about?

I met andrew hussie and gave him a whistle, he called me a filthy kankri fan and that kankri was his least favorite character.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

This question doesnt work because I am not good at anything.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

No.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

literally theyre basically all solid black

39. What type of music do you like?

mm alternative- hipstery sort of music

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

i dont like milkshakes? theyre too thicc

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Arkansas Razorbacks, since basically ur fuckin born into supporting a team

43. Do you have any scars?

lots and lots

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A concept artist? I mean I want to persue animation but its just not as big of a desire to me as being like a character designer and concept artist.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

can i just be able to pass as male pl e a s e

46. Are you reliable?

mm im not sure. I mean most of the time yes, but man you never know when those depressive episodes hit and you cant do fuckin anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are u living w/tav r u happy pls tell me im scare

48. Do you hold grudges?

nah not really. I’m a pretty laid back dude?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a cat-ferret like a fucking noodle cat thats cute as fuck and idk man

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

every conversation with my moirail

51. Are you a good liar?

to my parents yes, but i cant lie to my friends id feel too guilty.

52. How long could you go without talking?

forever omg i never fucking talk at school anyways.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

i had a bob once when i was like 7 years old. fuck that shit.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

maybe? probably?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i can do an english accent,, southern,, a bad mock canadian accent to tease my bf, lksdf

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a sphinx cat lady for my dnd campaign

58. What would be you dream car?

a vholkswagon bug

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

no i dont, because i did as a kid and my parents made fun of me for it so never again

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

not too often but i stumble across that stuff occassionally

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G. because. Greyne. and my given name is rlly special to me.its me.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons by far fuckin fire breathing flying lizards.

64. What do you think about babies?

disgusting worms but sometimes ute as long as im at a far distance and they are happy

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

ehh

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