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majorxbennyxboy · 5 years

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i need an au where ben’s captured and jandre tries to pull the Philomena ruse on him and it’s like 10k of the plan going horribly wrong at every stage like

philomena introduces herself to ben as a tavern wench. he proceeds to compliment something about the establishment, such as a nice clock that he’s noticed or how remarkably clean the floor is. “we don’t see a lot of that in camp” ben shut up.

she keeps flirting with him and he just manages to be this perfect catastrophe of oblivious and confused, but suspicious.

having gotten nowhere with the flirting, philomena resorts to ‘accidentally’ spilling a drink on him and then vigorously attempting to wipe it up.

it’s at this point ben spends a few critical moments scrabbling to remember enough words to assure her that no, no, it’s fine, that won’t be necessary, really it’s fine, while trying to muster enough coordination to escape somewhat gracefully.

at which point philomena goes for pointing out that oh no the wine got on his waistcoat too well we might as well take that off

unfortunately for philomena’s machinations however ben is at this point neither (very) recently-shot nor fevered nor just kind of addled enough to register much of anything beyond the capacity of his job (see below)

which calls for desperate measures, basically

philomena strongly considers going “you know what? fight it, john, he’s too stupid, i can’t work with this” but she’s no quitter

she finds, or perhaps creates, an opening to start talking about theatre. “I used to be an actress, you know”

that gets some attention. “Me too!” (oh my god) “-Actor, that is *COUGH* at- at school” (stop him)

they discuss plays. it’s all very polite. philomena doesn’t know whether it’s more boring or endearing.

unfortunately ben’s still too focused on, idk, patriotism i guess, whatever he thinks about, to view any person outside the basic thought process of “Fellow Soldier??? What side? My Boss? No? Am in charge of? Noo,, friend??? Ah! Civilian...hm what side is??? oh!...Woman(tm) civilian. protect her? No immediate danger. Knows about spy ring?? No. In the way? No. Make Polite Interact. Good Job Everybody.” so he’s kind of Missing the whole “potential wife and/or one-night-fiasco” point

he’s also just generally too dumb to live which is pretty fair and it’s early yet

philomena is determined though so one way or another she winds up getting him alone (right as he’s trying to get the winestain out of his waistcoat probably) and decides to play the “wow patriotism is hot” card and ben plays the “umwhat” card and it’s kind of a standoff of neither of them being entirely sure what’s even happening

and then thankfully for all involved andre arrives and ben’s like “hashtag Why This”

and idk if you’ve seen The Fox and the Hound when the widow tries to pick up tiny baby Todd and it’s this itty bitty creature growling and swiping his little clawsie pawsies at her but that’s basically the scene

and so Andre hauls in both ben and philomena and starts up the Routine(tm)

“You’ve been arrested! There was this random girl with you we assume she’s a rebel sympathizer. You’re not wearing a waistcoat because you chose entirely the wrong moment to try washing the stain out and now it looks like the two of you were Together, ha ha ha, now what are you going to do”

ben has some things he’d like to say at this point and we all know his diplomacy skills are a bit of a cointoss

Jandre has philomena removed from the room so she can start her “i’m totally being tortured” routine

and just about has to shoot ben because he’s like “what no hey that’s gross u can’t do that” trying to fight a man already

when the soldiers leave the room with philomena, that leaves Jandre and ben alone in the room together and john’s like “how about we talk about th” and ben’s like no actually i’m about to punch you multiple times

john’s like dude your hands are literally tied u can’t do sh

ben’s a resourceful little idiot though he tries anyway

after the second round of almost being forced to shoot ben in self-defense, plus a few more close calls, it occurs to john that they’re probably not going to get anywhere with philomena hollering in the next room just because ben’s furious and not getting past the whole casually having a random woman tortured thing like he’s just. determined to die mad about it.

which leads to a spat about the Incident with captain not-a-ranger-yet

so andre and ben are basically having this standoff of hissing at each other and being mutually annoyed and frustrated with each other

and philomena’s in the other room playing cards

so John eventually reveals philomena’s roll in the deception expecting ben to be all hurt that she doesn’t really care about him or w/e

but while he’s fully shocked and amazed that women can be involved in espionage (despite anna being the first person he thought of to involve in espionage) ben’s just like “oh. alrighty then.”

and the fact that philomena isn’t actually being tortured at all definitely means that she’s not being tortured due to ben’s withholding information so he’s just like sweet now i don’t even have to feel bad about withholding information

and yeah literally nothing of any relevance gets accomplished at all and it probably ends badly for all involved but i just think it would be really funny?

#turn: washington's spies #turn amc #philomena cheer #john andre #ben tallmadge #I know ben's definitely not a totally innocent clueless lil bean and sarah's only One example #and a limited one at that since there are no comparable scenarios in-series but like #when peggy was trying to charm ben for information he was just like ''wow what a pretty clock this house is Nice''#and in the Debacle sarah made the first move #I think he is at least a little bit clueless #this got way longer than intended and im very sorry #thoughts of a free mun || fic ideas

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

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mystic-bs · 7 years

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this might sound stupid and weird but could you do RFA finding out MC stims, but they are really self conscious about it? like MC starts flapping their hands because she's excited and realizes what they are doing and get self-conscious? it doesnt have to be that kind of stimming and you can ignore if you wish

your wish is my command! Sorry if I’m a little off, I don’t know much about the topic, but I tried! Beware of long post

Yoosung

You guys were literally out of food. You both forgot to go pick up groceries, and now there is no food left.

Clearly, you have to go to the store to grab some stuff to eat

But there must be some type of sale going on or something, because there are t o n s of people there

It’s literally hell

You can hear each and every footstep, whisper, even the chomping of gum. And it’s making you horribly uncomfortable, so you start bending your fingers and cracking your wrists to make it stop

But when that doesn’t work, you start fidgeting with your phone in your hand, running your fingers harshly over the buttons over and over, bending it in a way it probably shouldn’t be bent

Yoosung, who is focused on finding tasty and nutritious food, asks you your opinion on something

That’s when you realized you were stimming, in front of Yoosung, and in a store…

What if Yoosung judges you? What if he thinks its weird?!

You reply shakily, “o-oh uh, yeah I like t-those”

Oh God you’re so stupid! Why would you do that in front of him like that?! Maybe he didn’t notice…

Uh oh

You feel tears welling in your eyes; you’re getting yourself worked up over this…

“So MC, I was thinking after this we could-” Yoosung notices your eyes, and immediately starts questioning you. “MC whats wrong?!”

“O-Oh nothing its okay,” you smile at him, walking ahead of him. “The air is just dry. I think I’m gonna go out to the car, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, um, okay… Are you sure you’re okay? We can leave and talk about it-”

“No, I really am okay, thank you,” you rush out of the store

When you finally get back to the car you start rocking back and fourth to calm yourself down

Now Yoosung is worrying, because of you!!

Yoosung ended up following you out of the store, because he was too worried. You didn’t notice him until he opened the car door

“MC, w-whats wrong?!”

Oh no.

“D-Don’t look at me!” you hide your face in your knees, and he gets in the car and leans over to you

“What happened? Did I do something? MC-”

“If I t-tell you, you might leave me… It’s really bad…”

He frowns, and pulls you into his arms, “I wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

You tell him about stimming, but he has no idea what it is

So now you have to explain it to him

And he did not have the reaction you were expecting at all??

He hugs you and says, “MC, if it makes you feel better then how is it bad? I don’t care if you do that, in fact, I want you to! I don’t want you to force yourself to feel uncomfortable, ever…”

He kisses you on the forehead, and says, “besides, me playing LOLOL is kinda the same, right? We both do it to feel good! I love you MC, and nothing in the whole universe can change that…”

Zen

Wow! You have a backstage pass to Zen’s performance! And he is literally the l e AD !!!

You bought him so many flowers

When the show is over you head back stage to greet him

Wow you’re just so excited for him! This is your Zen, and he’s the main character performing in front of hundreds of people! YOUR ZEN!

You can’t help yourself

The excitement is coursing through your veins, and you start flapping your hands rapidly

It’s just such a happy thing! So proud of Zenny working so hard to get where he is

You see him coming, and instantly women surround him

But you know that he’s yours and they don’t stand a chance against you, because Zen loves you with all his heart!

While he’s getting showered with compliments, he finally sees you and excuses himself

“Wow, someone’s excited,” he laughs

Well of course you are! But wait…

He just saw you flapping your hands… Oh no, Zen just saw you doing that!?! In public?!

He doesn’t make any other comments on it though, he just scoops you up into a big hug, and spins you around

You try to keep up the happy facade but you’re just so… Embarrassed and disappointed in yourself that its hard

But you gotta for Zen, right?

That night you waited for him to fall asleep before you started crying, pulling on your hair hard and digging your nails into your hand

Of course it’s silent so it doesn’t wake him up, but either way… You bet none of those girls around him stim like you do! Oh no, what if he hates you for it? What if-

“MC?” asks a groggy Zen. “Are you crying?”

Shit

“N-No, what makes you think that?” you ask, laughing slightly

oh but he knows.

He knows.

“Hey, hey whats wrong?” he asks in a calm tone, sitting up and pulling you into a hug

“Don’t you know? You saw me do it…” you sob, holding onto his shirt tightly

“Huh? MC what are you talking about?”

You take a deep breath, and say, “you saw me flapping my hands like an idiot earlier… I probably embarrassed you… It’s okay, I don’t blame you for being embarrassed by me… I mean, imagine a super popular actor with a girlfriend who stims?! It’s just stupid and-”

“Whoa, whoa slow down…” he chuckles softly, stroking your hair

“That’s what this is about? MC… You don’t have to be embarrassed of that… I wasn’t embarrassed at all! I’m proud of you MC, I love showing you off to people… I love you MC. I love every part of you, and that includes the parts that you don’t like, too.”

Jaehee

Ever since you met Jaehee, you’ve changed her life very drastically

She went from being overworked, stressed, and depressed, to a hopeful and radiant young lady! All because of you

And now? You two are gonna own a coffee shop together!

However Jumin is still salty about the whole Quitting Thing, and is being very passive to Jaehe in the chat room

Now you care about Jaehee a lot, so this frustrates you to no end

Right now she’s out getting some cups for the shop for when you open, so you’re home alone

You start rocking back and fourth to let go of some of your aggravation

But you didn’t hear Jaehee come home

“MC, what’s wrong?” she asks when she sees you, rushing to your side

“O-Oh Jaehee! S-Sorry you had to see me like that, um, it’s n-nothing,” you get up and rush to the bathroom, slamming the door

Jaehee rushes after you, and knocks on the door, trying to open it only to learn that you locked it

“MC, MC, open the door, what’s wrong? Talk to me…”

“I’m so stupid… Please forget about that…” you mumble. “I don’t want anyone knowing….”

Jaehee is into Mom Mode now

“MC, I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m whats wrong! I just wanna be normal, I don’t wanna have to stim to calm down or express stuff, I just want to be like you! I dont-”

“MC… That is normal. I didn’t know…”

“And now you’re gonna leave me right? Because it’s weird, why am I so stupid?!”

Jaehee knocks a little on the door, “MC it would be foolish of me to leave you for something like that… The coffee shop is opening soon, and I need you for that…”

You decide to just listen

“You helped me get out of a bad state, you helped me fight for my passion, you stood up to Jumin Han for heavens sake! No one can do that and not be scared…. But you did. You helped me in ways I couldn’t even help myself. You changed my life, MC… Now I wanna help you. Please open the door…”

Her words strike something in you, and for some reason, in some way, you believe her… All your life you’ve been so self conscious of your habits…

Everyone has told you to not stim, but now Jaehee wants to help you embrace it?

You reach up for the door handle, and open it

Jumin

Its your birthday!! Jumin is PumPED AF

He’s going to make it the BEST birthday known to MAN KI N D

you’re gonna love it

Great food, fire works just for you, a boatload of new dresses… Maybe even some fun times in bed

When you open the door to his apartment, and see all that he has prepared for you, you really can’t help but feel so… Touched

Jumin does NOT seem like the type to do this at all!

You run and jump into his arms, and he hugs you tightly

“I hope you like it… I want it to be special this year…” he smiles into your hair

You begin jumping up and down slightly, overwhelmed with happiness

“Jumin I love it, I love it, I love you, I love it!” you hug him tighter

and then you realize what you’re doing

you stop jumping right away, and break the hug

“Sorry about my little outburst there, I-I’m just really happy is all!”

He doesn’t get why you’re apologizing? He thought it was cute

“What do you mean?” he asks, concerned with the look in your eye

“It’s just… I’ve tried not to stim around you… It’s weird and-”

“Stim? What’s that mean?”

Oh n o now you have to explain it to him!?! this is literally your worst nightmare ever

“U-Uh, well… It’s kind of a thing… That some people do… To express how they feel, I guess… I don’t know, it’s really weird and stupid, I-”

He raises his eyebrow, confused, “It doesn’t sound weird or stupid to me? Why would you think something like that is weird? Doesn’t everyone express things in their own ways?”

He really isn’t grasping it

“W-Well yeah, but sometimes it can be weird and-” you try to explain

“Well all types of expression can be considered strange, MC. But I don’t think that’s odd at all?”

You shrug, “I’m just really self conscious, I guess… It’s just kinda… I dunno… People, including my parents, have always told me not to, and I just-”

“See, now that’s weird. Telling someone not to do something natural to them?”

He has a point….

“MC, if I were to do things like that, you wouldn’t dislike me, right? I love you MC… Just because you express how you feel doesn’t mean that’ll change,” he wraps his arm around your waist and kisses you

“Sorry if I’m making a big deal about this,” he smiles. “I guess I just don’t want you to feel negative at all, and I can tell you’re feeling really bad about this… It’s the look in your eyes that’s giving you away. I love you, MC. You’re my life… I don’t want you to think otherwise just because you think lowly of something like that… Besides, it’s your birthday. We have much to do before the night is over. So please, believe me when I say that I don’t think it’s weird or stupid at all.”

His words actually struck tears in your eyes??

“O-Okay,” you smile. “I’ll believe you.”

Saeyoung

Agent 707

knows

all

He watched you over the CCTV cams every day!

He’s seen you rocking back and fourth, flapping your hands, the whole nine yards!

And he didn’t really care at all, it’s not something to be rude about or to even think about really

It’s just kind of… A thing?

So when you were ripping on yourself for stimming in front of Seven, he was very worried

“MC, really, it’s not something bad, I don’t care about that, I care about you!”

“This is me! And I hate it, I hate how I act, I hate what I do, I just…. I hate it!”

“Stop,” he says softly, his heart breaking at your harsh words aimed at yourself

“I hate that I can’t control it and I hate that I do it! I just…”

“Stop…” he says again, tears welling in his eyes

“I just hate myself!” you shout, tears streaming down your face

“Stop!” he shouts, wrapping his arms around you tightly, “MC please, please don’t talk about yourself like that… I know you feel self conscious and I know you think stimming is bad, but…. it isn’t,” tears fall from his eyes, and he buries his face in your hair. “Hearing you talk about yourself like that… I don’t get it… How can you hate yourself? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and you’re acting like you’re the scum of the earth, but you’re not… You’re the light of my life, MC! I don’t care if you flap your hands, or rock back and fourth, its you! And I love you… I just love you so much, I can’t imagine my life without you… So please… Give yourself a chance MC… It’s not bad, or weird, or stupid… And neither are you… So don’t talk about yourself like that. I care about you so much MC… And I want you to love yourself just as much as I love you.”

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