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willyoulovemeinthemorning · 3 years

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The Prodigal Daughter Chapter 3/?

Story Summary: As the secret daughter of Jason Gideon, you’ve always had a certain proclivity towards profiling. After finishing the Academy, you finally have your chance in the BAU- only months after your dad’s passing. Will it all be too much? Will you find yourself sharing another proclivity with your father for a certain genius with big puppy dog eyes? A/N: Thank you all for the continued responses to this story! I’m so happy I’m finally just forcing myself to write for the first time in a decade. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! special call out to @candlesandsoftrain for being an especially awesome beta for this one- her suggestions are always amazing! Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader  Category: Fluff/mild anxiety driven angst Content Warning: So much tension, a very anxious Y/N, sexually charged moments. Later chapters will include NSFW Word Count: 3500+

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Chapter 3

After a night of drinking more than you, well, probably ever had, you woke up with a horrible hangover. You rubbed your eyes and stretched, before suddenly becoming aware of another human being behind you on your bed. You searched your mind for what happened the night prior, only kind of panicking at the idea that you could have… did you?

Said person in your bed made a sound, and you chanced a look without moving too much. “I feel like I’ve been hit by an 18 wheeler.” You heard Emily moan grumpily, which made you giggle lightly. You’d forgotten that she asked for a sleepover. You were so wrapped up in everything Reid, which was absolutely all you dreamed about last night. His hands, his voice, his hair, how he smelled like books and the forest…

“Me too…” you agreed. “Reid said he was going to come and get us this morning, but I have no idea what time it is or even when he’s coming. He said he’d text you.” Emily reached over to her side of the bed blindly, almost knocking her phone off as she tried to grab it. “Are you going to need to go to your place or do you want to borrow some more of my clothes. You seem to fit my PJs pretty well.”

Emily made a noncommittal noise as she put her phone to her face. “Hey Spencer, what time do you thi- You’re five minutes away? Cool cool no of course we’re up and ready to go. No we are not still in bed shut up.” You could assume she was talking to Spencer, and you panicked again, looking down at yourself and imagining what your face and hair looked like right now. Fuck. “Y/N, what’s the apartment number so he knows what number to buzz up to?”

“Um… 364.” You responded, and when she looked at you, she gave you a questioning gaze.

“Yeah, see you in a few, thanks Spencer.” She hung up the phone and stared at you, waiting for you to explain your face.

“I look like a mess!” You shouted, making her wince. You got up and started running around, your own hangover a thing of the past in favor of trying to clean up whatever you could. Your two cats who had been asleep on your feet made some very disgruntled sounds at your dislodging them, and they ran for the hills when you started running around like a crazy person. You imagined that you looked like a hungover hurricane. “He can’t see me like this! I’m in my pjs and my hair is gross and greasy and my makeup is probably smeared all over my face and my head is pounding and I bet I smell and- ugh!” You ran into the bathroom and turned on the shower. You didn’t have long, but you could make a lot happen in five minutes if you tried. “Grab whatever you want to wear!” You screamed, leaving Emily in the dust as you hopped in the shower.

You heard her follow in after you had closed the curtain, fumbling around with your drawers, finding what she wanted apparently. Her hand reached in and handed you what you figured she’d been looking for- a makeup wipe. You took it gladly, scrubbing your face clean with it. “You know, he’s not really like that- shallow, I mean. He’s probably the least shallow person I’ve ever known. And even with smudged makeup and PJs, you’re still bangin’, he’d be blind not to notice. And trust me, he’s noticed that you’re bangin’.” Her voice filled the room.

She was rustling through your drawers again, and you could hear your makeup rattling around as she sifted through it. “I… I’m sure that’s true, Emily, but I still… he doesn’t know me yet. I… I just want to make a good impression. He’s just…” You paused, suddenly remembering that you’d literally just met this woman and you were about to pour your heart out to her. “He’s just… he’s a new coworker and it’s different with men in the workplace. I don’t mind you seeing me a certain way, but I don’t want Morgan or Hotchner or Rossi or Reid to see me anything less than professional.” You finished, knowing she saw right through you, hoping she wouldn’t comment on it.

“Yeah, sure, you want Reid to only see you in a professional light. Sure. Professional.” Emily snickered. “You absolutely don’t want him bending you over a desk in the middle of a classroom while he’s wearing tweed and ramming you until you see stars-”

“Emily!” You would have blushed if you hadn’t already been completely red from the hot water. Even though it was embarrassing that she saw right through you, you laughed. You knew she was teasing and she meant no harm. It was nice to feel so at ease with her already.

“Did you know that he’s a professor in his off hours? Like a real one. At a college. With students.” She continued, and you could almost hear the shit eating grin on her face.

“Oh my god go away!” You laughed, trying to ignore the warmth spreading low in your belly. That image was… incredibly attractive. How were you supposed to get through the rest of the day without picturing everything Emily just described?

“Oh yeah, sure, I’ll go, so you can have some alone time.” Just in time too, because the buzzer went off in your apartment. “I’ll go get it, miss Y/N, enjoy the rest of your shower time.” She sing-songed as she headed to your door. You tried to focus on finishing in the shower and not on the fact that Spencer was on his way up to your apartment right now. While you were naked in your shower, possibly thinking about him in a professor look fucking you over his desk in his classroom…

“You are my favorite person in the whole world, have I ever told you that?” You heard Emily squeal. “Y/N is in the shower, but I’m sure she’ll say the same once she sees.” You were curious, but you needed to finish getting ready.

Spencer laughed softly. The sound excited you, happy to hear it coming from inside your home. A few minutes later, you finished up and stepped out of the shower, only to realize you’d forgotten a towel. “Em? Can you grab me a towel from the closet in my room please?!” You called out to her from the opening in the door. You heard some shuffling outside the door, waiting wet and cold until a towel appeared through the slot in the door. You grabbed it and wrapped it around your body, revelling in the heat of it. “Thanks, Em, I appreciate it-” You opened the door and found a very non-Emily person standing in front of you. “S-Spencer! Oh! I-I thought you were Emily- oh my god!” You squeaked, realizing you were standing in front of him looking like a wet rat, covered in only a towel. You didn’t get a chance to see the dark look on his face as he stared at you, taking you in head to toe, because you slammed the door in his face. He made a noise of disapproval. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know- I asked Em and then it was you-”

“It’s okay, Y/N, I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. Emily was in the middle of putting herself together something to eat and she asked me to help you.” His voice came from the other side of the door, soft, unsure, and lower than you remembered it from yesterday. “I’ll leave you alone to get ready, I’m sorry.”

After a moment of silence, he walked away, his feet shuffling on your carpet. You cursed yourself for making him uncomfortable. But the towel wrapped around you barely covered anything. He’d seen you soaking wet and you were so mortified. No one ever wanted cute boys to see them less than perfect.

You cursed yourself inwardly, moving quickly to get ready- hair, a touch of makeup- only to realize you hadn’t grabbed an outfit before running in a panic to shower. Sighing, you put your PJs pack on to make the trip back to your room, just a tank top and a little pair of shorts- you hated being too covered up at night, so you preferred minimal clothing to sleep in.

While you were bent over and moving things around in your drawers to find yourself a bra and underwear, you heard a sound from behind you- a sharp intake of breath.

“S-Sorry! Sorry I-I just wanted to l-look at your books! I didn’t- I was sure you’d be finishing in the bathroom I am so sorry!” He said, putting his hands over his eyes. You wanted to be horrified- your shorts were SO short and he had definitely just seen a lot of you… but he looked so cute, like a little kid who saw something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Spencer, it’s fine, really. I’m clothed this time, so it’s… it’s fine, I swear.” He peeked at you through his fingers, making you cover your mouth to contain the laugh that wanted to come out. His eyes fell right to your chest, which you realized was only covered by your thin white tank top- oh. You wanted to cover up pretty badly, but you also didn’t want to make him feel even more guilty. You looked around your room and tried to see if you’d left anything inappropriate out, but couldn’t find anything.

“You just… you have so many books, and Emily said you had even more in your room and I wanted to see- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded. This is such an invasion of privacy wow-” He was now looking everywhere but at you, and you kind of missed the way his gaze warmed your insides up and made you shiver. You should have been mad that he was in your room uninvited, but… you liked how he looked in here. It made you feel alive- to have this man here looking at your most private space, looking at your collection of books and belongings.

You stepped towards him, which made his gaze rise to your face, where he found a soft smile. “Spencer, it’s okay. I… would like some privacy to get ready, though? You’re welcome to take in my book collection some other time, if you want. I never get rid of a book. I’d love to know if you think I’m missing anything that I should own.” You said, playing with the end of your tank top.

Spencer smiled at you, shy and adorable. “I’d… like that.” You both stood there for another moment, your eyes avoiding his as he looked at you. The air in the room felt thick and tense, and your heart kept getting faster as he stared at you. After what felt like hours and no time at all, Spencer seemed to pull himself together and walk out of the room to give you your privacy, and you were finally able to take your first breath since you saw him. You looked at yourself in the mirror and took stock of yourself- your chest was flushed pink, your hands were curled into the bottom of your thin tank top that was leaving- very little to the imagination. You never noticed how revealing it was until now, under his scrutiny. You… didn’t mind, though. You liked how he looked at you like you were something beautiful.

Getting dressed in a daze, you finished up and took a deep breath. Time to face the music. Emily and Spencer were on the couch whispering, Spencer's brows creased together. “Hey guys. Sorry I took so long.” They broke apart, both looking at you.

Emily was the first to speak, Reid averting his eyes from you, a rosy color painting his cheeks. “Hey hot stuff. Reid got us caffeine!” She pointed to what you assumed was yours on the coffee table- an energy drink, and somehow, your favorite brand and flavor.

Your face broke out in a huge grin, and you bounced your way over to it. “Thanks so much, Spencer!” You said, opening the can and downing a few gulps. You moaned in delight. “Oh that’s good. Thank god for chemicals that make my brain think it’s awake.” Emily bumped shoulders with Spencer and made him look up at you. He smiled and shrugged, though that tension that you’d had in your bedroom seemed to come back in spades. Would it be inappropriate to jump your brand new coworker within 24 hours of meeting them in front of your other new coworker that you also just met within the last 24 hours? Because you were seriously considering it, your eyes having been staring at his lips for… well, too long at this point. You shook yourself out of it, your face turning a light pick as you caught his eye and he looked a little… damn, did he look smug? Fuck, smug looked good on him.

“What did I miss, guys?” You were desperate to ease the feeling in the room that was making your stomach twist hotly.

Emily smiled at you like she knew all your secrets and took a sip of her coffee, staring you in the eye the whole time. “You know… just talking. You about ready? You took so long in there.” She accused, blinking at you slowly and teasingly.

“Yeah, well, I forgot a towel and then clothes for the day and it just… took a few extra minutes.” She snickered like she knew there was more, but she didn’t press you. “Thanks for coming to get us, Spencer, we really appreciate it. You guys ready to go?”

You turned from them because if you spent one more second looking at that man on your couch, you were going to explode. Or implode. Chances were pretty split on that at the moment. You heard them both get up behind you, and you took the chance to take a breath as you put your shoes on and slipped your jacket on. You really needed to get yourself under control. You worked with the best profilers in the world- there was no way they couldn’t all see through you.

The ride to Quantico was mostly quiet, your head leaning on the window, only answering Emily or Spencer when they directly spoke to you. You were steeling yourself- you were in the process of pulling yourself together. You couldn’t jump your new coworkers bones. You could not continue to fawn all over him. You didn’t join the BAU to get a boyfriend. You joined the BAU to start the career of your dreams, and that was the focus you needed to let drive you. For your dad.

You arrived at Quantico and Spencer parked your car. You all got out relatively quietly, and started heading in, but he put his hand on your elbow and held you back from Emily gently so you two were just out of ear shot. “Y/N… are you okay?” He asked, eyes searching your face.

You couldn’t meet his eyes, but nodded and started walking into the building, hands playing with your bag. “Yeah, of course. Just… excited for day two. Maybe a little nervous. I’ll be okay.” You deflected, pursing your lips. He didn’t look like he believed you, but he didn’t press.

“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, Y/N.” He started, his voice small and his eyes on the ground as he walked beside you. “I didn’t mean to intrude this morning, I just thought- I thought…” He looked at you, and you pretended not to notice. You couldn’t do this right now. You had a job to do, and you couldn’t have… feelings.

You both had stopped walking, and you turned and looked at him, giving him a sad smile. “Spencer, I’m not mad, or even upset. I just… I think I’m a little overwhelmed. Yesterday was my first day, and then everyone was so nice and then they got me drunk and you are just so-” Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. Your hands were shaking a little, your anxiety making it hard to breathe. You felt his hand take yours, just like last night, and playing with his fingers brought you back down to Earth and made it a little easier to take air into your lungs. “I’m just trying to survive all of this new stuff. It’s all too much and I just… my anxiety can barely take it.”

The sadness in Spencer's beautiful eyes belied his smile. You hated puting that look there. “That’s more than understandable, Y/N. Based on a survey from the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, while only 9% of individuals are living with a diagnosed anxiety disorder, 40% experience ongoing stress or anxiety in their daily lives. It’s completely normal. And being a new person on a team like ours… well, I can’t imagine that helps. T-Take your time. You have friends here and we’ll help you through this transition, okay?”

You smiled, looking at him with relief. “Thank you, Spencer.” You met his eyes then, and the pull you felt from the moment you met him surged through the air, tugging you to him, desperate to close the gap between you. But you fought it, forcing yourself to pull away from him completely and drop his hand. “Come on, let’s go. Day two begins now!” You didn’t have to pretend to be excited, because you definitely were. You walked into the bullpen with Reid, only to be greeted immediately by a mildly grumpy and hungover Garcia.

“Genius boy, new girl, we have a case. Pretty butts to the round table, please.” She said, gesturing for you two to follow her. You did, and the rest of the team followed suit. An hour later, the team were all headed to the plane, you behind everyone else. You didn't know where to sit, because everyone paired off--Morgan with Rossi and Hotch to go over theories and ideas, Emily and JJ talking about the case and clearly gossiping too as they sat beside each other. Only Reid sat alone. You nervously stood there, trying to figure out what to do, when Reid looked up and smiled at you, gesturing to the spot by him.

The plane ride went by smoothly after that, you and Reid working together easily- you already had a base geographical profile to work off of by the time you landed. The team was impressed, and you were both proud of your accomplishments. The case was long and hard… the cases with kids were always the hardest for you to hear about when you were young, And this one was incredibly difficult to live through- three little girls lost, and you had only found him after he’d made a mistake and left one alive- just barely, but alive, where he dumped her. She was only 7.

The jet ride home was quiet, everyone dealing with the case in their own way. You sat in your own corner across from Reid, shaking and holding on to your go bag tightly, one hand inside it, your hand on your dad’s journal. You dug your nails into it, trying to find something to ground you. You couldn’t get the images out of your head. The images of those girls…

Suddenly, a note fell upon your lap, and when you looked up, you saw a messy scrawl on a ripped piece of paper. “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them. - Leo Tolstoy” You ran your fingers over the letters, memorizing how his letters looped, how he pressed his pen in differently with each word.

You looked up at him and gave him a small smile, sadness in your eyes. You held your hand out, gesturing for his notebook. He handed it to you along with his pen wordlessly.

“We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all. - Joan Didion” You handed it back to him, tears in your eyes.

He scribbled back quickly. “There is no grief like the grief that does not speak. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow… The first one’s always the hardest, I’m here if you wanted to talk. I’m also here if you just want to sit in silence,” the note read.

You took a moment and thought about it, looking up at him and smiling softly before writing back. “Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than the silence. – Spanish Proverb” His smile in response was absolutely breathtaking, but in the best way- he understood completely. For in this moment, the comfortable silence between the two of you that was everything you needed.

The notebook appeared on your lap again, Spencer not looking at you as you looked at him in wonder. “In the flush of love's light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. - Maya Angelou”

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