#literally what the actual fuck telstra

[mintedwitcher]

Im gonna take a fucking sledgehammer to my goddamn WiFi router if that piece of actual shit doesn't start fucking working properly.

Seriously, if it decides to connect at all, I get 20 seconds of WiFi at random fucking intervals

The rest of the time? "Couldn't authenticate connection". Over and over and over again like a broken fucking record.

And yes I have looked up the tips to deal with it. I've done the whole "forget network" bullshit, the rebooting of the router itself, the "turn it off and on again" nonsense. And NONE of it works.

At all.

Im so fucking tired of it all I want to scream.

And of course because our internet is bundled with our phone plans, we can't go with another provider for two more years.

This has been happening for months, and now it's happening so damn often that literally I had WiFi at the beginning of this post, and now I'm on data.

It used to drop out every few hours. Now it's literally every few minutes, or less. And I don't know what to do beyond going into our provider store in person and glaring at someone until they figure out what the fuck is wrong and fix the damn thing.

So here's a bit of advice: if you're looking for a new internet/phone service? Don't go with Telstra. Just don't.

#rant #vent #personal #leave this alone

[squidgytoebeans]

The Telstra Saga Continues.

If you’ve been following me long enough, you’ll probably know all about the issues hubby and I have been having with Telstra, one of the largest telecommunications providers here in Australia.

Buckle up folks, it’s gonna be a long one...

If you already know the backstory you can skip to the section after the sentence “So here’s where the new nonsense starts” for the new gory details.

We were without internet for almost three months when we first moved here because the previous tenant had no cancelled her account after she moved out. Then, even though we had documented proof that we live here now, when they rang her to ask if they could disconnect the line, she said she still lived here... because she didn’t wanna pay the $178 bill. For three months this woman held out phone/internet line hostage and Telstra, who own the line, said they couldn’t do anything about it. Anyway, ancient history, that problem was solved eventually when she finally gave them a date of when she was “going to move out”.

Then for over 12 months after that we battled with them over a slow connection that they kept telling us was “fine on their end” and refusing to send a technician out. Then when they finally caved and sent someone out that man was incredibly rude and sexist towards me (rolling his eyes at my husband every time I spoke even though I have a Diploma in IT and know more about these kinds of things than my husband) and didn’t touch a single thing when he was here. All he did was reiterated the default stance of “Everything looks fine on our end, there’s nothing I can do”.

In the end we made a complaint to the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman (which costs Telstra $3000 every time someone makes a complaint regardless of what said complain is) and they managed to force Telstra to send out another technician... who called 10 minutes before he was supposed to be here and said, and I quote, “Everything looks fine on our end, I don’t see any reason to come there. Besides, I have a corporate client that I have to deal with today and the big guys are more important, you know?”.

So I rang our case handler at the TIO and they told them if they didn’t get a technician out here asap, the fines would get bigger and they’d be in a lot more trouble. The next day a technician actually showed up (this one was surprisingly really nice!) and it took him literally two minutes to find the problem. All he did was poke the modem once, the internet cut out, and he didn’t need to do anything else to figure it out. Literally all he had to do was touch the modem with the tip of his finger. 12 months. OVER 12 months, and not a single person bothered to think “maybe the modem is faulty”. He replaced the modem on the spot, and the cables just in case, and problem solved.

Telstra also refused to compensate us in any way for the 12+ months of pathetic internet service (we literally couldn’t even load Gmail at all) and disgusting customer service, so that was cool too, but whatever the problem was solved and that’s really all I wanted.

So here’s where the new nonsense starts.

Cut to about 6 months later with no problems and it’s time for hubby and I to get new mobile phones; our contracts are almost up and they sent us a message saying we could take advantage of their new swap and go lease where all we have to do is give our old phones back and we get brand new ones for $0. So we decided to head down to the local Telstra shop to get ourselves a couple of brand new Samsung S9s, because why not.

During the process I decided to go for the S9 Edge (hubby got the standard S9). I was little bit hesitant about it because it was an extra $20 a month and our bill with them was already quite big with our landline (which we never use but we have to have to get internet), internet and cable all being bundled through them. However, after looking at our account, the sales assistant (if I could remember his name I would 100% put him on blast right now but I can’t) looked through out account and said “I see you guys don’t use your landline at all, why don’t I drop that down to the $79 plan from $95 and you can make up the extra that way?”.

Now, pay attention because this is key the part right here.

Because we’ve had so many problems with Telstra in the past, I said to him “Will that affect anything else in the bundle?” and his reply was, and again I quote, “Nope, it’ll just drop your landline bundle so that you don’t have as much calls available each month but you never use it so that should be fine.” Alright, cool, we changed everything over and went on our way, happy with our new phones.

Oh how naive we were.

The next month when the bill arrives... it’s almost twice would it should be! We were expecting a large bill because hubby’s phone screen was cracked and they had to charge us for that, but not THAT big a bill! But, we weren’t able to access the bill online for some reason so we ended up having to ring them to find out wtf was going on.

Turns out sales douche didn’t change our landline plan, no no, he added it on top of the already existing one! So they were trying to not only charge us for the old $99 plan, but the new $79 one too, as though we had two landlines in the house! It was also during this phone call that we found out that, contrary to what sales douche told us, our internet HAD been affect by the change in plan; it went from unlimited data usage to 1500gb a month. That may not seem like a big deal, and it’s not really because we never even use that much, but when someone tells you a change isn’t going to affect anything; you believe them!  But again, whatever, the problem was solved, the charge for the extra landline was removed from our account and we paid the bill.

It was also during this call that we decided to cancel our cable TV. We never watch it and it’s just a waste of money, so we told them to cut it off and we sent the box back.

Cut to another month later, and our bill comes again... or rather it doesn’t. We get a notification saying the bill is ready to be viewed and we can see the total — WHICH IS WRONG AGAIN — but yet again, we can’t access the actual bill to see why it’s wrong. Another call, another “oh dear, we forgot to remove the charge for the cable” and it’s “fixed” again.

Are you seeing the pattern yet?

At this point, I’m beginning to feel sorry for the poor people who have unwittingly set up direct debits with Telstra and don’t bother to look at their bills before they’re charged, how many of those poor people have been ripped off by these arseholes this way?

So about a week ago I get another notification telling me this month’s bill is ready ... and we can’t access the full bill again. And yet again it’s wrong! They STILL haven’t taken off the cable even though we cancelled it and sent the box back almost two months ago. Why am I not surprised? It seems another call is in order and hell, while we’re at it, why don’t we find out why tf we can never seem to access our bill and also complain about the slowness of the internet that’s happening yet again the past few months.

Here’s where it get hilariously fucking annoying and aggravating...

Turns out the reason we can’t access our bills everyone month is because of something sales douche did when he was changing our plan. No one knows what he did or how he managed to fuck it up so badly, but whenever the automated process that handles credits tries to credit off the cable every month it can’t and then it keeps getting stuck in a loop of trying to fix itself and I keep getting notifications saying the bill is ready when it’s not.

Oh but it gets better... remember when sales douche said dropping the landline down to the lower plan wouldn’t affect anything else on our account, just the landline? Lies. Utter lies. Not only did it drop back our data allowance as I mentioned before... BUT IT ALSO DROPPED OUR CONNECTION TO A LOWER SPEED! Now, call me crazy but that seems like it’s affecting more than the landline doesn’t it? I’m pretty certain during the hours it took him to set up our new phones I even told him about all the issues we’d had with Telstra in the past and that the reason I wanted the Galaxy S9 Edge was because it came with a larger data plan, which I needed because our home connection was too slow to stream. I’d like to know in what universe he thought we would be ok with dropping our fucking connection speed!? Was he high!? Or was he just like every other damn Telstra employee who knows sweet fuck all about what they’re talking about because the company is a piece of shit? That sounds about right to me.

So now, we can either deal with the slower speed, or we can pay an extra $10 a month to go onto a faster speed that claims it will give us up to 45mbps which sounds fantastic because that’s like 4x the speed we had before all of this BUT if you’re Australian you’ll know that that “UP TO” part is a key marketing strategy with Telstra. Sure you MIGHT get up to that speed... if you live in the middle of a large city or right on top of an exchange, but even then it’s highly unlikely. No one EVER gets the speeds they’re promised from Telstra.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why not ditch Telstra and go with a different provider? Oh, my sweet summer child, if only it were that simple. Telstra is the largest communications industry in Australia and as shocking as it may be to believe, Telstra is the most reliable of all of them all. Their cell service has better range than any of them (which is important when you live in a rural area like we do) and even if we went with another company, there would be no guarantee we’d get a more stable internet connection because Telstra literally own all of the lines and the other companies simply rent them. There’s a reason you might hear many Australians complain about the internet, and that’s because Australia literally has worse internet than some third-world countries and we pay through the nose for it.

I did warn you about it being a long one didn’t I? lol So all we can do now is wait and see if the this supposedly faster 45mbps is actually what they say and go from there and if it’s not... someone is going to lose an eye.

#rant #personal

[xottzot]

2017-11(NOV)-18th---Saturday--(evening)

2017-11(NOV)-18th---Saturday--(evening)

STOP PRESS: a tiny fragement of rain passed by and dropped 20 drops of rain down it seems outside.

There has been NO THUNDERSTORM that the crystal ball official weather department forecasted. Instead in reality it has been HOT and then tailing off to just too too bloody 'warm' at this hellhole where forecasts mean nothing but a dart thrown blindfolded into a dartboard.

AND...the power blipped out for no reason, causing everything to have to be reset in this hovel. - Strange how such power blackouts occur with almost utter yearly timing EVERY YEAR ISN'T IT!?

AND.....my internet connectivity and 'speed' is back to utter total shit AGAIN...even much SLOWER than a 75 baud modem.....

I can barely get a text-only weather report to load and show.

AND.....yesterday I received in the mail absolute bullshit shitty shit addressed to dear Fliss (Felicity Carthew) from Telstra. (an Australian telephone/telecommunications company megalith)

We do NOT have ANY business with TELSTRA at all, and nor have we for MANY MANY years. And yet these fuckers blind-post a shitty pice of mail adressed to dear Fliss (why to Fliss!?) and it said that 'our initial checks show'... - Yeah, so what fucking records are they suddenly just now checking!?

"Our initial checks show you can now connect to the NBN network."

Oh really? - Would that be the ultra slow useless as tits on a bull internet broadband network that literally thousands of people are legally suing according to the local newspaper that was in the letterbox delivered on the same day as this unsolicited letter from Telstra arrived?

They're suing because this shitty NBN network shit is like a dice-throw in the dark tossed by a blind man over a cliff and then called a 'success'? - Countless people have lost ALL internet connectivity, speed and access. Countless people have tried so very hard to have ANY connectivity whereas before they agreed to be part of the NBN, they at least had a vastly superior product that actually worked, was reliable and speedy.

But all that changed. All this shit occured with here having NO connectivity and the most shitty internet speed and connectivity that drops out to nothing at any time for no reason whatsoever day and night. It all occured right around late September 2015 and not only affected internet stuff, but also mobile telephones.

It was also right around the time when I was in communications with dear Fliss as we were trying to sort things out with her after her terrible medical epiosde. But as we were talking my phone would cut out at any time, I would have to re-dial and re-connect, over and over and over and over again. And it ate up all my pre-paid phone credit, so I had to buy more. Then THAT ran out for the same reason.

Dear Fliss kept wrongly thinking I was hanging up on her! - On top of everything shitty that had been going on, there was THIS we were assailed with! - At EVERY step with dear Fliss, I have suffered and we have suffered.

And afterwards, despite dear Fliss PROMISING ME we would stay in close contact as before......I NEVER EVER got another voice phone call from dear Fliss.

And now yesterday....TELSTRA comes along in the mail and inists Fliss is able to connect to the NBN at this address here at this hellhole.

They have done NO WORK AT ALL in this street with phone lines. It's still all the same shit that has been here for decades.

The only 'work' that was 'done' was for a neighbour who complained so vehemently about their internet speed that the TELSTA company sent out a single guy to ferret about in a below-ground little pit for a day or so. And since then MY internet connectivity and speed has been fucked. So what did he do I wonder? Just hardwire pair-up my connection to the neighbours to give them more speed at the expense of mine? It certainly seems like that. And it's been that way almost all the time.

Oh, and Koongamia school (Clayton View Primary School) has supposedly (I've never seen it myself) been outfitted with high-tech whiz-bang technological stuff including high-speed internet and high speed connectivity and commuications.

Draw your own conclusions.

There are RARE times when my internet speed approaches SLOW normality, but it can cut out at any time for any length of time on any day or night of any week. Even when the school is empty. It's Saturday now.

My mobile phone is okay. But there is nobody but fucking shitty telemarketters forever hounding and harrasing me. The lastest one was (a foreign-based telemarketing woman) insisting I should join NBN because of x. (x being supposed wonderful benefits to me.)

Really!? -- First that, and then two days later the letter from TELSTA comes to hound me into connecting to NBN. -- And the fucking phonecalls to my mobile phone have been flooding me for MANY MANY months and getting more and more frequent on ANY day of the week.

And NEWS is leaking out that the NBN is utterly shit and that ordinary companies are going broke from its shitty effects, the installers, the workman doing the installing demanding more money, the internet companies going broke, and on and on it goes. - And all through it whenever any user complains they are either suddenly switched on to slightly more better connectivty and speeds only because they complained, or they lose all connectivity.

And every company and his dawg is claiming to have users connect-via-the-internet or wth the HIGH SPEED NBN! to be able to watch movies and do every and anything they like. - REALLY!? - I can't even get a simple local text-weather report to show in my fucking web broswer!

AND......in the NEWS in recent months has been reports of vast sections of the NBN cabling being the victim of criminals who dig-up, cut up, and sell as 'scrap metal' the metal cabling that's been laid. - At least that's the story they've been saying. (or did they get inspired from watching documentries about that going on in the United Kingdom?)

Surprising.....given that here the cabling was claimed by the companies to be supposed to be glass-fibre cabling, rot-prrof, cheaper than copper cabling, and vastly superior and speedy and was the answer to the future. - And all they've been doing is the same old, same old shit laying copper cables, which the thieves then dig up, cut up and steal!?

FFS.......

All throughout my blog you'll have seen me constantly talking about all the shitty trouble I've had with the internet and that. - AND the electricity power. AND the water. AND the criminals. AND the mail and thefts of mail and total unreliability of mail. AND the fucking HEAT of HELL. And this fucking HELL itself.

Prison would be paradise compared to this fucking hellhole.

No wonder the criminals of these streets don't give a shit about being criminal and being caught and (rarely) jailed.

And if you ever complain about ANYTHING...you're always BLAMED first, and if that doesn't put you off, you're then fobbed off in endless shit that doesn't do anything to solve anything. And you're liable to have to PAY for being fucked around like that. And when you'be gone thru the whole torture of all that, you get right back to the beginning again.

So forgive me for being fucking cynical.

I can rememeber when not so long ago that internet connectivity and speed was totally reliable and all the companies and telecomunications companies were proud of it all. Absolutely proud. High speed. And it all only would go shitty was because of lightning strikes or something dramatic. And companies would be SO APPOLOGETIC and give you as compensation more quota or free access for awhile. I've been through all that. So has dear Fliss here.

And around late 2015, ALL THE FUCKING SHIT STARTED.

And dear Fliss went off the rails and threw me into hell.

And the criminals in the streets became rampant and started taking over more and more houses until they formed the criminal ghetto and STILL they kept going and continue to keep going. - They demanded shit and got it. Companies were tripping over themselves to do any and everything for them. They've had endless money and resources. Every other innocent resident was suffering but the criminals were absolutely loving it all and thriving and multiplying whilst still being criminal.

In nearby Midland they too have had shit, but they are rolling in money and quickly get things done for them. -- Here at this hellhole it's the opposite.

I fully expect a created media story trying to explain away all this shit that is going on this Saturday at this hellhole. That always seems to happen. The constant and pithy, 'a backhoe operator accidently dug up a telephone line and disocnnected thousands of people' is REALLY pathetic and has been used for YEARS AND YEARS. It's anonymous and 'satisfies' anyone trying to enquire anout anything.

Oh I know, how about the usual 'copper thieves' bullshit? - How about 'copper thieves broke into the Greenmount telephone exchange and caused massive damage as they stole the copper cabling and left residents and businesses without any internet accesss.'

(the Greenmount telephone exchange is just up and over the hill)

AND when all that is not good enough to use, they always resort to teh ol' stanby...oh it rained and combined with dust on powerlines it caused a short and tripped out circuit breakers on the transformers. -- They used THAT ONE for so many years that they then started using helicopters to seasonally supposedly 'wash' high tension power cable towers. -- Funny that eh? Especially when all this shit never went on when I was groing up in the same place at this now hellhole for decades. And there was penty of dust back then. And plenty of rain back then. No helicopters doing daring-young-men-in-their-flying-machines bullshit routines.

You simply cannot trust ANYTHING you're told now. So many times they later admit things that they lied or have been forced to admit the truth. And everyone just washes over all that and thinks it's 'normal'.

I'm going to try to post this message online into my blog. Then hopefully die, perhaps in my sleep. Bitten my a mosquito perhaps.

Outside there is no wind at all. There's hordes of mosquitoes. AND BIG SPIDERS. And if the mosquitoes are not bad enough, news is that the terrible "Ross River Virus" transmitted by mosquitoes that used to be confined to the south of Western Australia, is now able to be caught via being stung by a single mosquitoe here at this hellhole area thousands upon thousand of kilometres away (half the state of Western Australia away) from where it had been rampant and supposedly 'constrained' and controlled we all had been told for decades. Only and rarely did it ever make the news when visitors who would go 'down south' would be afflicted. It really was THAT rarely reported. But the terrible effects of it upon people being bitten and aflicted and badly suffering for MANY YEARS by Ros River Virus often made the news purely as sensationlism.

Oh I know....how about the fairly new high-speed vehicle highways to southern parts of Western Australia is responsible for 'bringing in' in the Ross River Virus plague and spreading it about?

Mosquitoes...just ANOTHER shitty aspect of this fucking hellhole.

I'm sure that the next bit of bullshit announced will be that the 'recent rains from the thunderstorms' has made worse the 'season' of mosquitoes so be VERY VERY careful out there......(as if you can protect yourself from just a single mosquitoe biting you).

Soon they will be joined with clouds of filthy flies that are terrible in themselves and I wonder how soon before they state there's a rampant vicious new disease (deadly or debilitating) suddenly being spread by THEM?

For the past two years I've seen an 90% drop in the population of bees at this hellhole. Nothing hardly gets pollinated now, at least not hardly by bees but moreso by roaming flies, midges and bugs, and almost EVERYDAY I'm finding dead and dying bees everywhere. But still no grand NEWS anouncement about ANY of that going on yet.

Fliss and I had a great vegetable garden in the backyard of this hovel. I've spoken about that many times. But in the later part of 2015, everything died, Fliss got terribly worse with her own aflictions, the bees all vanished andor were dying everywhere, NOTHING GREW in the garden...it ALL died, even the huge plot of garlic that we were growing without any pesticides. All gone, died. - The entire vege garden is wasteland and I have done nothing with it since Fliss left in late 2015 other than to continually haul out all the rampant grass weeds growing there to avoid it becoming a hazard, and HAVING TO BE FORCED INTO DOING THAT gives me SEVERE pain that you cannot imagine that is pure massive agony to me.

TRY TO TELL ME THIS IS NOT HELL.

----------------------------------------------

What new hell is there to come.......North Korea?

They've been angling to have that happen as long-planned out to happen for ages.

PLEASE detonate a nucelar device at this hellhole and fucking blow me up well.

----------------------------------------------

I love you dearest Fliss and want to be with you. - Sam has been having nightmares as I was writing this and wuffing in his sleep. Max has too. Poor dear Max has been quite 'sedated; but not by me. It's by something else he has been affected by, and he may well be on the short road to his eventual death. It's how Matey went downhill and dies and caused you dear Fliss such traumatic grief as well as me since he was so much loved by us and was more than just a dog to us. Dear Sam and dear Max are the same. - And you Fliss wonder why I never wanted ANY human child go through what the horrors and torment and hell they've gone through? And Fliss, you wondered why I could not handle being able to stand a child crying at dear Caths place without trying to help? - I love you dearest Fliss and want to be with you.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

i know that i go on about it literally at the same time EVERY month….. but like….. i am SO SICK OF my internet just deciding to randomly drop out for literally like a week or two every fucking month while the bill period rolls over.

like imagine if i was working from home???? how the FUCK am i meant to do that when for a week or 2 every month when my internet/wifi connection drops out completely and i can’t work from my laptops bc they don’t connect to the 4G network???? like what am i supposed to do for that span of time??? just y’know take time off for that week/two weeks while my internet just refuses to rectify itself and run on normal speeds and not literally (i’m using this joke all the time now) like early to mid 2000s dial up speeds???? like obvs yeah i could make my phone a hotspot….. but for two weeks that takes up a lot of data????

and it’s even worse rn bc im job searching and since literally EVERYTHING makes you apply online, the job app websites like seek/jora etc literally take like 5 minutes to load just one page of jobs or a job description….. but it won’t even load the ACTUAL application????

and then social media barely loads at all (although i’m so used to this happening on here tbh lmao)….. like imagine if i had a job in social media where i’d be monitoring the 20+ social media platforms that businesses need to run and obtain customers etc these days???? what the FUCK am i supposed to do??? or imagine if i was bothered to run my own online business???? and for a week/2 weeks i just can’t reach customers because my internet/wifi just won’t load their complaints/issues/questions/sales data etc etc etc???? like what the ACTUAL FUCK telstra???

it’s also the main reason why i dropped out of my online uni library course too…. bc i got so sick of my internet dropping out halfway through 3hr lectures and forum boards and all the other stuff i had to do for it. or dropping out exactly when i had assignments due???? and that’s not even considered a good excuse not to turn assignments in late, even when you’re doing a course that’s 100% online??? like what an absolute fucking joke????

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about the most mundane shit in her life lmao

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

2011-2014 australian tumblr throwback post:

- KISS ME KATUT! RHONDA AND KATUT BEING THE MOST FOLLOWED AD COUPLE FOR FUCKING CAR INSURANCE. YOU’RE HOT! LIKE A SUNRISE! RHONDA!!!!

•*french accent* budget... budget.. *aussie accent* budget love, budget direct insurance!” and people trying to figure out that weird “relationship” between the “french” woman and the “aussie” guy in that ad

•the iconic “dad why did they build the Great Wall of china?” “to keep the rabbits out. because there’s too many rabbits, in China.” for telstra broadband internet.

•gifs of every Chris Lilley character ever.... but mostly jonah takaluah and j’amie king.

• gif compilation posts of every dumb thing that Today show host Karl Stefanovic said or did on live tv. also some videos, like that shark report one and the “big stick thing” conversation where Karl and the newsreader stand in guy Ben Fordham (I think) had to walk off set bc they couldnt stop laughing. also that gifset of Karl chasing seagulls at like the SCG or something and his co-hosts Lisa and Richard (the celeb gossip guy) were like “he’s chasing his dreams down there, isn’t he lisa?” “no richard, he’s just chasing the gulls 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄” (Karl is finally leaving the today show as of 2019.)

•oh, gifs of the today show’s weather man Stevie Jacobs always getting attacked by animals on set. poor guy had to quit (or at least I think he did)

•Steve Irwin gifs- especially the gifset where he’s bitten by a snake and goes on like nothing’s happened.

•dangerous aussie wildlife posts/masterposts

•thewisepickle and haaave-you-met-ted were the premium Australian humour blogs

•also tumblr users pizza and australiansanta

•obvs night blogging being blamed on aussies

• Australian tumblr post collections done in parts

•that south Australia vine with a dude with an akubra (aussie hat) on, dancing drunkenly in front of a huge sign saying “welcome to south Australia”

• Australians ominously adding “HAVE YOU EVER, EVER FELT LIKE THIS? HOW STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN WHILE GOING ROUND THE TWIST?” to random posts

•the whole of tumblr (bar aussies) who were freaked out about our weird kids shows like “round the twist” having an ep where a dude fell in love with a tree (weird enchanted tree episode) and another ep where one of the kids had a fish dick that helped him win swimming carnivals or whatever

•Australian being mortified about no one in the world apparently knowing what fairy bread was/is

•the various political leadership spills we’ve had over the last few years.

•that “if Harry Potter was set in Australia“ post

•those 10,001 different posts having to explain aussie slang. people writing big passages in Australian slang and people being like “are... are you sure that’s in English?????” and there’s a gif from finding nemo with dory and marlon holding each other

•oh yeah: “fish are friends, not food.” and the like catchphrases. possibly memes from “the castle” or posts about being forced to watch it during English or legal studies in years 10 to 12, along with Muriel’s wedding.

•speaking of school, HSC & ATAR memes from kids who did hsc and received atars in the timeframe covered in this post

•the world being mortified that aussies called McDonald’s “Maccas” and the like 40th anniversary ad of maccas being in Australia having to be explained bc no one understood what it meant bc they used words like “ambo”, “Ute” and idk the name “Damo”

•OI CIGGY BUTT BRAIN! and it’s related video

•anons asking aussie blogs what “bogan” meant

•aussie capital city aussies vs other countries pronunciations posts

•that totally notorious and untrue “we’re only here to fuck spiders” post. I’m aussie LITERALLY NO ONE SAYS THAT! THAT WAS A FAKE POST!

•Australian weather posts- like that one day where some places got up to 50 degrees centigrade and some presumably American blogs told us to calm down until they realised that 50C is equivalent to like 128F or whatever. and then the Americans were like “how the FUCK aren’t you burning alive, my dudes?” and the aussies were all like “sheer persistence, mate.”

•that “australians don’t fuck.... they MATE” post

•actually that post about australians being prisoners bc they were convicts or what-the-fuck-ever it was and then a gif of Sheldon from Big Bang theory saying “it’s funny bc it’s true.”

•gifs/screenshots etc of the original Kath&Kim. especially the “baby JESUS kim! NOT BABY CHEESES! 🤦🏻‍♀️” scene. another main one was Sharon going to the freezer for a billabong and kim saying “none left” and Sharon saying “nothing goes right! 😭”

•people screenshotting random australian police department posts bc they’re funny and meme related. then posting them on here. (this still happens)

•idk probably some other weird/clever Australian tv ads are thrown in the mix somewhere aside from Rhonda & katut, the budget direct ad and the Telstra ad mentioned at the start of this post.

•that gifset of Hugh Jackman at a red carpet event where he accidentally stumbles into one of his old PE students who was a cameraman at the event.

•aussies randomly running into either of the famous Hemsworth brothers in Queensland on their off time with family and people being like “do y’all just find the Hemsworth’s out in the wild????”

•speaking of the Hemsworths: that post that reminds everyone that action man Chris “I’m Thor of asgard and the avengers!” hemsworth starred in saddle club, a tween show about the bitchy world of equestrian club girls. 😂 ~HELLO WORLD THIS IS ME!!!~

•aussie men being like the hemsworths or Hugh Jackman or steve irwin... and apparently being super attractive and funny. nope.

•Margot Robbie appreciation after the wolf of Wall Street. cate blanchett getting some mentions, probably. there’s probably some posts floating around about how either of them started on either of the prime-time soapies of the 90s & 2000s: neighbours (I think that’s Margot) or home&away and now they’re bad ass women in Hollywood kickin ass and taking names. I can’t remember though.

•DROP BEARS/KOALAS!!!! HOW THE FUCK COULD I FORGET DROP BEARS/KOALAS!!!!????

•also that audio post that had the sound of kookaburra call and every tumblr user that wasn’t aussie was terrified and the aussie’s were like “ah, just like home. it’s not that bad”

•when tumblr and/or buzzfeed found out about the quokka

•people being surprised that aussie public schools had school uniforms. (probably idk) 🤷🏻‍♀️

okay idk what else... feel free to add more!

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona tries to be funny and relatable #tumblr is legit my fucking life now #help me escape this blue hellsite 2k18