so, everyone is trying to see these all, I threw the sprites thanks to @longbobmckenzie. Yes, some of the costumes are really this awful. Also, thanks @mrsbsmooth for helping me!
let me know if you want to see the girlie's costumes!
Andy: the best Casa Boy this season. actually, might even dare saying best Casa Boy ALL SEASONS. he is sweet, pure, angelic and he doesn't get on my nerve while being all those things. absolutely adored him. if we HAVE to bring someone back, Andy will be my option.
Francis: okayyyy... like, if you're into the homeless zen vegan yoga type I guess he's for you. but I'm not, so for me he is a hard no and more of a friend because he's actually cool to talk to. Chelsea would love him.
Marshall: the evil twin for suuuuuure. didn't like how the first thing he said was how Ozzy was being fake and he's also coming on PRETTY STRONG. for me, it looks like he's trying to steal his brother's girl just for payback. SUCKS. my girl Grace unfortunately fell for his talk.
Hamish: LMAOOOOO. listen, he's locked for us apparently and he's a loser but he's also low-key the best character in Casa. like, why is he so funny???? no like I'm kinda obsessed. I think he and MC have great dynamics 😭😭 best duo this season. hoping he'll make it back to the main Villa.
Overall: honestly, low-key best casa crew ever. they are all very different from each other and the banter is off the charts. they hit the spot with this one, ngl. I had a blast playing the volume and can't wait for next week!
Andy- he’s just pure sweetness, puppies and kittens. I think he’s turned a lot of heads and will be a great replay option for those staying loyal rn. My fear is that fb will turn him into Nic/Johnny. They wouldn’t do that to us again right? RIGHT?!?! (*hyperventilating* look what they’ve done to me)
Marshall- SHADY. Talks about his eyebrows too much. I was really excited to see him in CA, but he’s just one big red flag 🚩 And he’s trying way too hard to convince us that Ozzy’s a baddie. What he says about Ozzy vs what the other CA boys say, plus what we already know, just doesn’t add up.
Ham-ish- He’s Jasper 2.0. Some of his dialogue is funny, but he is literally a joke. I was gonna give him a chance because of @rebelrayne hubby, but then he opened his mouth and a pig fell out. Just gross.
Francis- to quote @mrsbsmooth and her assessment of Ryan not so long ago, “And also *Francis* is there”
STUFF under the cut
Some of this has been said, but here’s my take:
Amelia is bringing Marshall back so they can be evil twins together. I am curious if they’ll let us “pick” before her, though. It will be interesting to see if he’s actually a switch/twist choice for MC.
Grace and Marshall’s chat was sus. I feel like Grace is jumping on the bandwagon just to try and turn MC away from Ozzy, but she will ultimately stay loyal to him. Boo, but that’s another thing for another day.
I just don’t see how fb/ai bot is going to let us Stick. As far as Elliot knows, he’s single, so he’s gotta couple up. And unless the Villa gets a postcard with MC, they all still think she left. So fb is gonna pull some s5 bs and force MC to switch/twist with Andy/Francis (maybe Marshall).
I can’t figure out how Hamish fits into all this. He seems like the only one MC can’t romance (not that a lot of girlies want to at this point). Usually when a pixel isn’t interested they’re locked, so is he leaving dramatically or is someone bringing him back??
what my husband thinks of the casa amor boys (plus toby as a bonus)
Under the cut
Andy
His earring looks like a little fucking handsaw. He has a handsaw on his ear. Who told him to stand like that? His 12 year old sister? Looks like one of those awkward guys that says “what do I do with my hands?” The way he holds his feet, he probably has a foot fetish. You could almost miss his nipples cause they’re not a natural color. He’s got a weird bump on his foot. And his left foot is way fatter than his right foot. What the fuck? He has a size 13 one foot and 9 on the other. What the fuck it looks like he’s wearing a ring on his left hand??? He’s a bottom. A sub bottom. Like a very submissive bottom. He looks like he has daddy issues. If you stan Andy, I will laugh at you and not take you seriously. Anything you say is not canon. Between him and Francis, they should be the most hated. I almost hate him as much as I hate Lewie. Probably has tea parties with stuffed animals. They call him “sir short stick”.
Francis
He looks like the fucking guy from ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ like the one that Sarah Marshall goes to Hawaii with. Does he go to the hair stylist 3 times a week to get his color right? No, that’s not a real beard he drew it on. Did he steal his grandma’s coat and sandals??? AND BRACELET??? Oh my God, JESS! He’s got a small hand like the guy from scary movie- “grab my strong hand!!” Looks like he’s into paranormal shit like he’s a ghost chaser. The AI did a fucking terrible job, it tried to mix scary movie small hand guy, a grandma and Russell Brand. I can’t tell if he had a belly button. Is he an alien??? This guy creeps me out. And his posture- just the way he holds himself. He’s creepy. He’s a version of Joe Goldberg that stole his grandmas sweater that’s his undercover outfit. The sweater is literally his baseball cap. Is that enough? Or should I keep going about his grandmas sandals she got during 1 AD? Those sandals saw Jesus they were there on resurrection day. Practices celibacy as a religion. If he was born in Spartan times, they would throw him to the wolves or over a cliff. I kind of wanna spartan kick him myself. See a special meme made by Jessie’s husband below:
Hamish
That’s fucking Tom 2.0 mixed with Zac Efron. He looks like he came out of fucking Baywatch. Been staring at Pamela Anderson’s tits. Got a knock-off Rolex. Not much to make fun of- this guy seems mostly normal. He doesn’t have any qualities I can laugh at. Even his posture and how he holds his hands is manly. Looks like he’s ready to punch Lewie in his asshole lips. I brought up he has small feet and he defended him. He has an average size dick, probably like 5.5 inches. He’s the guy everyone should want to get (unless he is a closet asshole). But even then, there’s a binary code of how much of an asshole he can be. He looks like he has a Christian Grey mentality. Probably has a red room and it’s hidden. Fuck now there will be fanfics of him doing BDSM… his nickname would be “Lord Ladies Man”. JESSIE’S HUSBAND STAMP OF APPROVAL - first and only one this season.
Marshall
Starts laughing that he has a butterfly on his chest. Why did he get a tramp stamp on his chest?? These tattoos are almost as bad as Will’s. Captain Jack Sparrow if he was a hipster. Most definitely swings both ways. I want to cut off his manbun when he’s sleeping… like half these tattoos don’t make any sense. He probably has shorty tattooed on his dick and it probably still says shorty when it’s erect. At least his chin isn’t square like Ozzy’s. This guy is weird looking and his tattoos give me the heebie jeebies. He’s a fucking dumpster rat. He’d be the king’s jester and wear clown makeup. Tries to juggle three balls- can’t find them. He looks like he enjoys his venti Starbucks drinks: “Can you froth the milk please sir?” Looks homeless, searches the road for pennys or whatever British cheap change is. Probably has OnlyFans for his feet.
BONUS: Toby
He literally looks like the kind of guy that is used as the main character in the game— he looks like a default setting lol he’s a random fucking palette. Looks like Vin Diesel’s baby brother I’m going to call him baby diesel. Why are his arms so short? At least he didn’t skip leg day. If you chopped off his head, he’d look like the perfect speciman of a man. Head looks like it should be on a crackheads. It’s small. Looks like he should be on prison break. Surprised he has no tattoos - looks like he’s been to prison a few times. Kind of sad he’s the last one… I wish Francis was the last one instead. Toby’s skin tone is off… his color is different from his head to feet. The AI said “lol not my fucking problem.” It said “make perfect man body with generic ass head.” Bro is gonna be NPC for life. (“You sound like Elliot” “shut the fuck up”). He’s so bland they gave him white swim shorts.
A/N to my fans: I love you degenerates. I work very hard at this to entertain and give you guys a full insight to what these characters really are. I appreciate your constant gratitude and thank you for allowing me to be your roast king. All other attempts are failures and they can come find me if they have something to say. I hope you all read this and then go back to read it again because it makes you happy. That is all.
PS: the AI really helped with these roasts this season because the character designs sucked. They made it very easy for me. I’d also really like to thank my top supporter, @caitkaminski . She’s been a fan for a long time (Apparently I am not a supporter). Here’s to next season. I will miss doing these til then. In the wise words of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, aka Maui: “You’re welcome.”