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wedreamedlove · 5 months

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how would the men react if they had a really erotic wet dream about mc?🤣 (pre- relationship and post-relationship)

my brain could only come up with scenarios for Evan and Osborn, so i'll only be writing for these two. (this is such a great prompt i'm gonna move Osborn's into my series for him, hehe, thanks anon!)

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

Evan wakes up to an out-of-place weight around his waist.

He rarely dreams. In fact, he doesn't even remember the last time he dreamed. However, today is a little different. It's the same in that he doesn't remember the details of what he dreamed about, but it's different in that he does remember a flash of familiar eyes. Clever, bright, and lively eyes that are always full of emotion, except this time in his dream they were misted with a specific emotion, one that resembled—

A throb of desire shoots up his spine from his groin and Evan stills.

Ah. So that's what it was.

He looks down and sees the blanket tent between his legs, which would explain the weight pressing on him. As an adult man, it's not unusual to wake up to this physiological occurrence, regardless of whether he dreamed about anything or not, and he usually deals with it through a cold shower, willing it down, or clinically stroking himself to release. However, this is the first time his pleasure is linked to something concrete. Someone.

Evan sits up and purposefully ignores the urge to chase the lingering fragments of his dream that are evaporating into nothing. However, the blanket slides down his chest like a lover's caress and pools around his waist, triggering another throb of pleasure.

Desire scratches at a closed door in his mind.

He should ignore it. He should take a cold shower. He should do many things... and yet he has equally done many things that he shouldn't do and he finds—to his surprise—that this time isn't an exception either. He cannot stop himself from wanting to see the girl.

Just a glimpse, Evan tells himself. Just a glimpse and then I'll stop looking.

He stretches his talent in the direction of the girl's home and, all of a sudden, he can hear her even and peaceful breaths. She is still deep asleep at this time where the sun is still draped under the veil of night, casting a dark twilight shadow over his room.

It only takes a fraction of a second of inattention, where his thoughts waver, before the girl appears in his bed next to him, blinking at him with those clever, bright, and lively eyes. His eyes involuntarily widen before he catches the anomaly that exposes how this is a phantasmagoria of his own creation. The girl is covered up to her shoulders by his blanket but there's a faint blur where the curve of her shoulders disappear under the blanket, which is natural because he's never seen her naked body and so it can't be recreated.

She The illusion parts her lips and calls out his name in a sweet voice.

"Evan."

And it's shameful how hard that makes him.

Despite knowing that this is his own illusion, Evan still feels a throb in his body that makes his penis twitch underneath the blanket and release a trickle of want. Realizing that, at this point, the problem between his legs cannot be ignored or dealt with by a cold shower, he moves to sit at the edge of his bed and pushes his lounge pants low enough to free his member and palm it, wrapping his fingers over its hot length. He starts to stroke himself, catching the moisture at the tip and spreading it along the entire body to make this whole process smoother and quicker.

"Evan."

Don't come closer. Come closer. He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw to trap the groan in his throat as frissons of pleasure make him tighten his lower back.

But without his vision his hearing becomes magnified and he can hear the slide of the blanket as she sits up. The bed dips behind him from her weight as she moves closer to him. Her scent, that faint aroma he catches whenever she visits his office and leaves, drifts over to him and lingers around his nose. Her entire presence teases his senses like she's dragging her nails lightly over his nerve endings, making each one tense more and more.

Evan's breathing deepens.

His heartbeat is disturbingly loud in his ears as he tightens his grip around his cock and increases the speed of his hand, muffling the wet noise of his hand repeatedly sliding from the head to the base and then back to the head. There's a white-hot pressure building up at the tail of his spine and all of the muscles in his back become taut as he struggles to reach the summit of pleasure. Sweat trickles down from the side of his temple and he can feel its slow slide down to his jaw where it hangs precariously as a drop on his chin.

"Evan."

His breath catches.

He sees her arms stretch out from underneath his arms and curl in front of him. Don't touch me. Touch me. But just before the illusion can hug him and press her naked chest up against his back, the droplet of sweat on his chin falls and lands onto the back of his hand, seemingly scalding and the heat seeps through to the aching cock underneath his hand.

Evan's exhale explodes out of him and his concentration collapses. The phantasmagoria shatters around him like glass, much like how his mind fractures into fragments of primitive pleasure. The pressure in his body breaks through its restraint like a flood breaching a dam and its release shoots out of him.

For a moment, there is nothing. He thinks nothing. He feels nothing. Everything is a blissful numbness before Evan inhales a ragged breath and feels his awareness slam back into his body.

A turbid liquid begins to cool on his hand and drips onto the ground at the side of the bed.

Evan closes his eyes, catching his breath. He is used to the emptiness that floods in after the wave of pleasure passes, like how the receding tide shows the beach in its bare state only for a second before another tide rushes back in and swallows the beach. But he is still caught off guard by the degree of the gaping hollowness that follows after this session.

The silence is deafening.

There is no girl here, there is only him.

His breath shudders out and into him, as if he's learning to breathe.

His second breath is steadier.

By the third, he is a Lu again.

POST-RELATIONSHIP

It's the muffled sound of the shower running in the bathroom that wakes you. Still half-asleep, you grope around for your phone on the side table and see that the time is barely past dawn. It's a weekend, which means that you and Evan should be able to sleep in, so you're not sure why he isn't by your side right now.

Sitting up, you take a moment to collect your drowsy mind. Maybe a last-minute meeting was scheduled? You climb out of bed in your nightgown and walk over to the partially closed door of the bathroom, not thinking much as you push it open while calling out, "Evan?"

Breathing that is heavier than normal reaches your ears first. Your skin feels the warm steam second and the moisture in the bathroom clings to your nightgown, making it weigh down on your body. Finally, your eyes land on Evan in the shower. His head is lowered as if he's looking at something in his hand and you naturally follow his line of sight.

You must have made a noise because, in the next instant, Evan turns his head towards you at the door. The scarlet-red glow in his slightly widened eyes stands out in stark contrast to the creamy decor of the bathroom and you wouldn't be surprised if it matched the shade of your face right now before the color of his eyes fades back into a calm maroon.

If he is making any other expression, you don't see it because you immediately spin around and stutter out an apology, preparing to escape the bathroom and leave him to his privacy. "Sorry! I didn't realize you were..."

But Evan calls out your name.

You reflexively stop. However, he doesn't say anything further.

For a moment, all you hear is the clamor of your pounding heart and the water from the shower landing on the tiles... and on Evan's body before it slides down the ridges of his muscles and—

You rein in your thoughts before your mind brings up the sight you just saw seconds ago. Your face is so hot it feels like steam is also rising out from your head.

Eventually, the silence—and your curiosity at the lack of movement behind you—becomes unbearable and you look over your shoulder at Evan, keeping your eyes firmly above his shoulders.

There's amusement along his brows and in his eyes when he sees you peeking at him and, as if he was just waiting for you to look back at him, he opens his mouth and asks, "Help me?"

This is your second shock of the morning. Your first shock being running into Evan masturbating. You can count on one hand the number of times Evan has requested your help for something. And maybe it's this rarity that stops you from feigning ignorance to his request. Maybe it's the steam in the bathroom making it hard to breath and heating you up. Or maybe it's the way his bangs fall over his eyes and the misty sheen in his eyes that gives him a near fragile look.

Either way, you don't know what enchantment befalls you, but you find yourself turning around like a marionette to walk over and step into the shower. His arm naturally encircles your waist, ensuring that you don't slip, and he pulls you a step closer to him. The shower soaks your nightgown, making it transparent, but neither of you make a move to remove it.

You can't look away from Evan as a red glow re-appears in the depths of his eyes, seeming to circulate slowly like someone swirling a glass of red wine. Out of the corner of your eyes, you can see his right arm move again as he begins to touch himself between your bodies and the blush on your face deepens, making you feel dizzy.

"Didn't... didn't you want my help?"

"Just having you here is enough," he murmurs.

You swallow and his eyes drop down to follow the movement of your throat. The weight in them sets your nerves alight, one by one, but he still doesn't do anything else and just strokes himself at a slow and steady pace.

The pressure of his gaze is too much for you to bear and you lower your head, staring randomly at a spot on his chest, which is rising and falling faster than usual. Absently, you think about how much water is being wasted and how long this might take with his pace. You're so engrossed with restraining your urge to watch what he's doing with his hand that you nearly jump when you feel something brush against your ear. It's Evan's lips and he caresses the rim of your ear with them, the line of your jaw, and then trails them down the side of your neck, kissing you softly all the way.

Your breathing quivers at his ministrations and you instinctively clutch his arms for support but, when you grab his right arm, your left hand is carried by the back and forth movement of his arm and, for a second, you're under the illusion that you're the one stroking his member with your hand. This imagery makes you retract that hand like you're scalded and your hand swims through the air with uncertainty before it drops onto his waist.

Evan's entire body stiffens at this touch and a low grunt escapes him before he sucks harder on your neck in response.

You can feel things escalating (as if they weren't already) or derailing into something uncontrollable (as if it wasn't already) and so you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind in an attempt to hold onto your rationality.

"Why are you like this so early in the morning?"

The moment the question leaves your mouth, you regret it. What a dumb question. It's not like you don't know that men get morning wood. Before you can come up with something that makes you sound less stupid though, Evan answers you.

"I had a dream."

This was unusual for him and your curiosity is piqued. "About?"

"About you."

You feel his smile more than hear it as he drops light kisses against the crook of your neck and the curve of your shoulder, still stroking himself at that same steady speed. He knows he's being a menace when he only answers your question and nothing more, pushing you to ask follow-up questions.

Evan scrapes his teeth—his canines sharper than usual—along the shoulder strap of your nightgown, making your next question come out in a quiver. "What happened in the dream?"

You don't know what to expect or what you wish to hear. Some people say dreams are uncontrollable and some people say dreams are reflections of subconscious desires. You wonder if you should prepare yourself for the answer since you've heard stories about the things men fantasize about.

However, before answering, Evan stops stroking himself to grab your right hand on his arm, enveloping it entirely in his palm, and brings your hand down to wrap it around his cock. It's startlingly hot underneath your hand and you instinctively want to move your hand away, but Evan's grip is tight and while it doesn't hurt it also doesn't let you escape. He begins to move his hand up and down again, dragging your hand along with his, and rubs his cock with your hand.

"I was on a business trip and when I returned to my hotel room I opened the door to see you on my bed." His breathing becomes heavier. "You weren't wearing anything but one of my shirts."

"Do you often imagine me in your bed when you're on business trips?" You ask with a ragged breath.

Evan doesn't reply, he just increases the speed of your hand.

"Evan." It's less of a prompt and more of a demand for an answer and when he brings your hand to the tip of his member again, you squeeze and twist your wrist, rubbing your palm against its weeping head.

"Yes." A hoarse answer is dragged from his throat as his hips jerk, bumping his pillar against your stomach. You shiver.

"And then?"

You're losing your mind. You think you can feel his pulse through the throbbing vein on his cock and your hand gets wetter and wetter with something that isn't water every time you make a pass over its head. Whenever you inhale, the thick steam in the air and Evan's scent gets pulled into your lungs. In this situation, you really shouldn't be smelling much of anything other than the scent of water and soap; but Evan's heat, Evan's breath, Evan's eyes, and Evan's presence reminds you of sweat-slicked skin between sheets and wormwood mixed with musk.

"You patted the spot next to you, inviting me to sit down." He moves his arm that's around your waist at this point, dragging his fingers across the line of your waist to the dip of your lower back and then up the bumps of your spine, making your nightgown rise partially as well. His lips also move back up your neck to press against your mouth and every time he exhales his breath scalds your lips.

"And then?" Your left hand is moving without your awareness, repeatedly tracing the start of his Adonis belt.

"You slipped down to kneel in front of me on the carpet and pushed my legs apart. You took off my belt..."

Evan trails off as if he doesn't need to say anything further and he doesn't because you know exactly what happened next.

"Is that somehing you want me to do?" You find yourself asking against his lips, every word a kiss.

He doesn't answer, but his breathing is chaotic as it scatters over your lips. His cock jumps under your hand too.

"Evan, does the thought of me doing that make you..." Hard? Burn with desire? Crazy with need?

Evan never asks or makes you give him a blowjob. You know some women think giving head is demeaning and that some men use it as a power play or just a way to claim their own pleasure. To be honest, the act does give you some apprehension, but not because it's a vulnerable position since all sex positions involve some vulnerability, it's just that whenever you tried giving a blowjob in the past you don't get very far, just one or two licks, before Evan pulls you up to distract you with kisses. You had just assumed he didn't care for it.

But now...

But now you must be drunk on his words, on his breath, on his scent, and on the power he gives you over him where even in his subconscious he aches for you to the point of waking up hard with need.

You slide down to kneel in front of him and Evan doesn't stop you. He lets go of your hand watches you with eyes that are nearly bright red and pupils blown with desire and takes a step forward to block the rest of the shower from landing on you, which also conveniently brings his arousal right up to your lips.

Evan's cock is a long, thick, and bestial looking thing at odds with the rest of his elegant and gentlemanly appearance. It's flushed almost purple-red and the slit at the tip opens and closes slightly, leaking the truth of his desire in a way that can't be concealed.

Your eyes skate over his cock as you measure its length by sight and try to decide how and where to start. Evan must have taken your hesitation for something else though, because he reaches out to tuck your wet hair behind your ear before rubbing your ear between his fingers.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." He says this even though his voice has gone completely husky.

"I want to," you declare, glancing up at him, "I can do this."

Evan laughs lowly and strokes your head. "Yes, I know my little rabbit is courageous and can do whatever she sets her mind on."

The teasing tone in his voice makes you narrow your eyes and you swallow the head of his arousal without warning. The muscles of Evan's waist and abdomen become rock-hard as he tenses them and trembles at your sudden action. His words also stumble over a hitched exhale. "My little rabbit... can also be mischievous."

Only half of his member enters your mouth before it starts to feel uncomfortable at the back of your throat. Evan doesn't make any movement other than placing a hand loosely on the back of your head, stroking or patting it gently in encouragement. His other arm is braced against the shower wall.

You bob your head back and forth, swallowing and spitting out his cock, and listening to the noises Evan makes or the tremors in the muscles at his waist under your hands to guide you. Whenever you swallow him, you press your tongue to the underside of his arousal and suck as hard as you can. Whenever you pull away until just the head of his cock is in your mouth, you flick your tongue over the slit at the tip. All you can taste and smell right now is Evan.

You suck on him, you service him, you blow him until your jaw begins to feel sore but Evan still shows no signs of reaching an orgasm, so you finally look up at him. Evan's head is lowered to watch you and his bangs cast a shadow over his face, but you can still make out how his eyes are partially unfocused and his lips are parted as he pants slowly.

Pulling away completely and letting his cock pop out of your mouth, you complain, "Why aren't you close to finishing at all?"

Evan blinks repeatedly, his eyes focusing on you again, and slides his hand from the back of your head to your chin. He rubs your swollen lips with a thumb and a smile makes the corners of his eyes curve. "Do you want this to end?"

You rake your nails over the thin skin of his lower abdomen, next to a protruding vein that connects to his arousal. His member jumps and the head spits out another glob of desire as his hand involuntarily tightens around your chin. Evan's eyes darken to a color that reminds you of a bleeding sunset that's seconds away from disappearing underneath the horizon.

"My knees are getting sore, so help me out."

"As my little lady commands." He places both hands on your head and the intention couldn't be more obvious. "May I?"

You obediently open your mouth wide.

"Good girl. Relax and trust me." This is what he says in a hoarse voice before he inserts himself into your mouth.

And there's something obscene with the way he takes his pleasure from your mouth like this. Each thrust is deep enough to almost trigger your gag reflex, but Evan seems to know just when to stop before that happens and pull out again. However, as you accustom yourself to this feeling, he thrusts deeper and deeper into your throat. You do your best to suck in your cheeks and press your tongue to his cock every time he pushes in, squeezing him as tight as you can. The sight of his pelvis coming close and moving far in your vision that's blurred with physiological tears makes you dizzy and so you close your eyes and clutch onto his waist, feeling the surge of his hips.

Soon, Evan's breath becomes completely ragged and then he's yanking himself out of your mouth to stagger back one step, stroking himself rapidly with his hand before he releases.

You can't resist opening your eyes to take a look at him in this moment and you're only too glad that he didn't choose to ejaculate on your face. Instead, you feel his semen splash against the bottom of your chin, your neck, and your chest, searing hot where it lands. This sensation is an afterthought though, because your senses are arrested by the sight of Evan with his head thrown back, revealing the vulnerable line of his neck, and his entire body is tense and trembling, like a butterfly pinned in a display case. His Adam's apple bobs as he breathes in deeply to steady his breathing.

You made him look like this. One of the deadliest blood clan members and a man who stands above millions in terms of status, power, and influence was brought to this state by you.

This sight and knowledge sticks to you, making you barely register Evan pulling you to your feet and supporting you when you nearly fall because your legs have gone numb from kneeling for so long. He gives you an affectionate and lingering kiss before removing your soaked and dirty nightgown and cleans the both of you. You let him towel you off, wrap you in a bathrobe, and carry you back to bed.

However, when he puts you down on the edge and begins to undo your bathrobe, you blink at him in confusion. "Mn?"

"It would be remiss of me not to return the favor," Evan says as he kneels in front of you on the carpet and pushes your legs apart.

#answered asks #light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln evan #ln lu chen

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wedreamedlove · 2 months

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Happy Valentine's Day! Light and Night released 5 love songs sang by each man.

Lyrics for Evan's song below.

The ancient bell tower habitually stutters It’s like time is going backwards minute by minute Towing my breaths into drifting along with you Gradually sinking down The air suddenly stills in this second If the bright sun is to be forgotten If a rose cannot hold on until it blossoms Just use this sky full of starlight to illuminate Me, you, and tonight's sweet dream A peaceful breeze gives rise to ripples And rocks the faint candlelight Which outlines your silhouette Time guides me To look towards you As if you are everlasting If I were to walk To the ends of a dark night And was incapable of heading towards The dawn on the other side Then at least I will enjoy Our freedom in this second I don't know how long it's been It's like you’ve always been next to me Perhaps what they call happiness is you Hold my hands firmly We rise and fall along with the flames of the hearth As if each other's touch is a dance in the warmth Such throbbing circumstances A second seems to be everlasting If I were to walk To the ends of a dark night And was incapable of heading towards The dawn on the other side Then at least I will enjoy Our freedom in this second Burn up this wait in the night Be loyal to our desires Cling to this sweet dream Like flowing notes in this second Becoming inseparable tenderness If I can make time stop And the dusk drowsy I kiss you in my heart Before I turn around You become my permanence If we can be forgotten by the world Will there be a day where we can also become That ray of light which falls into a crevice and craves to exist In a long transience This boundless journey calls out to us to return together

#light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln evan #ln lu chen #my translations

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wedreamedlove · 11 months

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The Depth of his Feelings - Evan Character Study

I am going to open this essay with a shocking sentence: Evan is an unreliable narrator.

One of the most magnetic traits Even has as a character is his resolve about his goals, even if it conflicts with his personal desires. This trait has led some people to misunderstand him and think he doesn't love the heroine until Chapter 17 and that he was just using her this entire time. Surprise! These two facts are not mutually exclusive, you can love and use someone at the same time.

(P.S. Every time I think about Evan's romance with his heroine, I think of Margaret Atwood's poem "A truth should exist, it should not be used like this. If I love you—is that a fact or a weapon?").

So, here I am going to tell you that Evan has been falling for the heroine ever since they first met and that it's just his ability to be stunningly ruthless (to his enemies and to himself) that created the "tragedy" of Chapter 16.

First though, I will prove that Evan is an unreliable narrator.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 11 Years Ago Late Autumn TRAJECTORY]

Evan: Every time I come to see you, it always seems to be raining. Evan: I heard it was also a thunderstorm the night I was born. Evan: That Guang Qi City had never experienced such a large storm for many, many years. Evan: At the time, you were alone in the hospital. You must have been very scared. Evan: Later, I often wonder whether or not this counts as a sign from God, that in fact I shouldn't have been born. Evan: That way we would have all been a little freer, and I wouldn't owe you anything. Evan: You wouldn't have had to suffer in silence and you could have left this household unencumbered, returning to who you were before. Evan: Your life would surely have been much better than now. Evan: I saw your past photos and many of them had smiles. Evan: It's a shame I never saw you smile. Evan: I know, you actually never loved me much, most of it was out of responsibility. Evan: I could see it. Evan: But you were the person who treated me best in that household. Evan: ... Mama, even now you must still hate me, right? Evan: All these years and you've never once come into my dreams. Evan: If that day I didn't insist on playing in the back courtyard, would this incident not have happened? Evan: I knew the path was icy, that it was very slippery and unsafe. Evan: Why does fate love to play with people? A person who doesn't want to live can always avoid death, while a person who wants to live ends up dead. Evan: It would have been best for everyone if the person who had drowned was me, right? I'm really not afraid.

At 15 years old, we see that Evan has been under the impression that his mother never loved him. This belief continues to the present and you can see it whenever he talks about his past or thinks about the concept of love. However, in Chapter 14, we are given another perspective.

[CHAPTER 14-5]

Letter: "Little Lang, I'm very sorry for how many creases this letter has." Letter: "My son has been very interested in origami recently and every paper in the house has suffered his ravage." Letter: "He's especially skilled at folding animals, so I asked him to fold a robin to be sent with this letter." Letter: "He knows I like to stay in my room and set the finished paper bird on the windowsill outside before leaving. Before I knew it, he's already grown this tall." Letter: "These are all irrelevant words. Thank you for your concern in the last letter, I'm living very well and I hope that you and my son will always be healthy and safe." The date was earlier than Evan's letter just now and the letter was signed by Robin. This was a past reply! Maybe too much time had passed, because I could no longer feel the emotions attached to it. But a gentle smile still appeared before my eyes, along with a woman who couldn't help but write these words as she watched her child do handcrafts below her windowsill. Did Evan not see that there was this reply? I stopped walking.

In truth, his mother did love him... it's just that things are complicated, such as how her relationship with Evan's dad deteriorated and how she forced a young Evan to practice the cello until his fingers bled or that she cared more about helping the innocent children caught up in the Eclipse Project over protecting her own son from the Blood Clan.

So, now that we know Evan can be an unreliable narrator, it makes his perspective on things untrustworthy.

[CHAPTER 16-13]

You knew it didn't belong to you, so you couldn't lose it. Relationships in this world were supposed to be like this. It was just that, when he took great pains to create a wound to keep her or perhaps even earlier, starting the day he tested her, the relationship between them had changed. Their so-called tacit understanding, coincidences, tears, forgiveness, concern, and trust... all of these were exchanged with lies. Evan turned around and directly pressed the button for the elevator. Just earlier, he nearly lost this weapon. He knew very well that if he didn't do this then she definitely wouldn't stay. Evan couldn't help but sigh emotionally at his superb acting. In that moment of hugging, persuasion to stay, comfort, heartache, jealousy, and interrogation, his body reacted before his brain as if he had really entered that scene. He even felt a faint pain in his chest. She had clearly been deceived, but she only cried and took a light revenge on him. Why didn't she hate him? Why did she still want to help him when she was tricked? Evan thought blankly. She ought to hate him. After being hurt so many times, she ought to know how to guard against him or ask him what he wanted. However, when she opened her bright eyes and took the initiative to say honestly that there was no reason, she just wanted to help him, Evan was at a loss. He even wanted to reach out and cover her eyes with his hand. He felt panicked for no reason, like his darkness and malice had been exposed bare without anywhere to hide.

Honestly, I think this scene in and of itself shows how much he is deceiving himself about his feelings. However, he has to harden his heart so that he can carry out his plan to use the heroine as a weapon to destroy the family head.

[CHAPTER 16 - EPISODE 2 IMPRESSIONS Scales of the Heart]

【1】 There was no moon tonight. Lu Castle stood quietly in the darkness, like a proud and silent shadow. Evan rejected Zhou Yan's offer to follow and walked into the castle alone. He didn't bother to maintain his gentleness of the past and ignored the bowing servants on both sides. His only goal was that man who had disappeared behind the truth. The dusty door to the study had not been opened for a long time and fine dust floated in the air. In the dim light, Evan was momentarily seized with terror but he soon reacted and turned his wrist slightly. The heavy thud of the closed door blocked all of the prying gazes behind him. Behind the large, black walnut desk was a heavy bookshelf that spanned the entire wall and was filled with all kinds of books accumulated over the years, many of which contained the history and secrets of the Blood Clan. Evan inspected this study. Without pausing for long, he walked over and took out the first book with a blank cover. He only had a short time to find what he wanted. Because, after two weeks, he had to present the most suitable vessel. 【2】 In the cold and silent study, only the sound of pages turning could be heard. "It's not this either..." Evan set down the file in his hand again. On it was his father's handwriting, which he was all too familiar with. A long time had passed and reason told him that those people may have noticed his actions, but he still relentlessly searched for evidence—was she a "god"? Evan lowered his eyes, concealing a hint of fatigue. His confrontation with Lu Ting had turned intense and the matter he had looked forward to had a new opportunity. His brain clearly knew what he should do, but a trace of hesitation appeared in his heart. He had forgotten this sort of emotion after his first trial. He searched for that evidence almost unconsciously, but he was uncertain if he truly wanted to obtain that answer. He just kept on repeating this futile action. His longstanding goal, the end of his longing; he had searched and planned for this for a long time and he had anticipated everything he needed to abandon on this road a long time ago. However, when this moment finally came, he found himself hesitating. 【3】 In the past, Evan had imagined it countless times. What was the deepest seabed like? It was lonely and dark, without a ray of light, and there was no way to convey sound, like a prison with no structure. And what was the end of the Blood Clan like? Perhaps it was the opposite of that, a void of nothingness. This bloody and sinful race would greet an eternal sleep in the void. They would have no reincarnation, no future, they would not be recorded in history, and they would be completely forgotten at the end. Recalling the savage and imbecilic arrogance of the Blood Clan controlled by desires, Evan let out a soft sneer from his throat. He knew that there were many eyes watching him, Lu Ting, his grandfather, and the clan. They were expecting him to succeed or perhaps they were expecting him to make a mistake. But he was no longer the child he was back then, and his plan could finally be started. It was just that the girl needed to be used as the most important chip. The scales of fate treated every person who experienced time fairly; to seize something meant losing something at the same time. 【4】 "If she really is a god..." The light in the study flickered for a moment and was caught by Evan's eyes, but the depths of his eyes were still a patch of darkness. He couldn't help but consider this possibility, and many of his guesses were confirmed. Or perhaps the day he tested her with a phantasmagoria, his subconscious had already made a judgment. "What do they think I'm going to do?" That he would do his best to prove the girl did not have the power of a god and could not be used as a vessel for the family head, thus exposing that his relationship with her was close, so much so that he would disregard the highest interests of his race? It was a shame they guessed wrong. If she was a god, then his plan would only become smoother. He would teach her how to use that power—this was also what he wanted to find in the archives—make her become his sharpest blade, and then give her to the family head as a "bomb" that would detonate in desperation. However, when he made this decision, his original thought still lingered—it would be great if he really couldn't find that evidence, he could lie to himself and he could still... send her home as usual. 【5】 Finally, Evan found a secret file in a corner of the bookshelf. He flipped it open. The paper was already yellow and it revealed to him the secret that had been concealed for many years—gods were once experiments of the Blood Clan and his father wrote many coded words about the power of the gods. The scales of his heart swung violently because of this secret. On one side of the scale was his longstanding obsession, on the other side was his already wavering feelings. He knew this opportunity was the chance of a lifetime and, if he missed it, it might be difficult to wait until the next time. He couldn't allow nor accept such a failure. The folder fell on the table and papers scattered in a mess. Evan took off the glasses set on the bridge of his nose and walked to the window. There was no moon in the sky outside, only twinkling stars that watched everything under the sky. To them, the obsessions and various turns and chapters of the world were nothing but insignificant moments. At this inopportune time, he wondered what the girl was doing right now. Was she worrying about the heavy work these days, or was she celebrating her success at this stage? Evan hesitated for a moment and then was silent for a long time. Finally, the scale still crashed to one side. His pale and stern face was reflected on the dark window and he withdrew his eyes, his expression turning cold. There had always been only one path he walked: by all means, without fear of sacrifice. Therefore, at least in this moment, and maybe only in this moment, he wanted to make this sort of choice.

First, I have to gush about this passage because it is one of my favorite impressions. It almost breaks the 4th wall, because among the eyes that are watching Evan's actions are ours, the readers, and we think we know the answer because this is an otome game and he is a male lead, except Evan takes this to the brink of no return. The repercussions of his actions, depicted later in the game, only cement the weight of the decision he makes here. He is so ruthless!

However, if there are still doubts about his feelings (despite how obvious his inner conflict has been depicted) then his actions later should thoroughly convince everyone of his feelings because:

After giving the heroine to the family head as a bomb, Evan was 0.1cm away from achieving his lifelong goal, except he turns back to save the heroine, thus exposing himself to all his enemies;

Evan, who could have killed the family head and Lu Ting, missed his opportunity because Lu Ting distracted him with the heroine's safety and now Lu Ting is stronger than ever after consuming the family head's soul; and

Warson is experiencing a financial crisis, thanks to Lu Ting manipulating the stocks, but Evan takes the risk in allowing the heroine to keep her fashion project under the brand Pristine instead of moving it to a more reliable brand for profit, an action that goes against what the chairman of Warson should do to maximize profits.

Now, look me in the eye and tell me that Evan is not horribly in love with the heroine, because he is making things endlessly hard on himself by making all these mistakes and concessions for her. This man is absolutely wrecked by love.

Shifting gears, but it's intriguing that Evan and the heroine share a commonality in how they were very close to their maternal grandmothers, one of the few people that showed them unconditional love. In Chapter 16, Zhou Yan comments on how the heroine reminds him of a younger Evan, because they both have a gentle exterior but they are opinionated and, once they set their eyes on a goal, they will achieve it no matter what. Evan believes they are similar because they both became tools.

However, my opinion is that both Evan and the heroine are too soft for their own good. Evan chides the heroine many times in his mind about how she's better off without him, but honestly the same can be said for him because he never considers his own safety when it comes to her either.

[CHAPTER 17-5]

Matters had come to this point, but why did she still not hate him? She should hate him after being tormented like this. Evan: Have you never thought about yourself? Evan: You should wish for something to happen to me, not worry about my safety. Evan: You're not eating properly or sleeping properly. You're disobedient, and you never learn.

[SSR Enticing Feast DATE]

Everything had been arranged to let her see his true self. That vile, contemptible, hypocritical, and brutal self. It was best for her to hate him. The farther away she was, the safer. So, when he saw her rejecting him with natural fear and dread on her face, he only felt happy.

But Evan and the heroine are helplessly drawn to each other and I once wrote an essay about how their relationship can be summarized "Like Moths to Flames". I'm actually going to revisit this topic again because the Light and Night writers have added a lot more onto this imagery.

In my opinion, while it isn't a golden rule in stories with traditional gothic vampires, a lot of creators like to explore the aspect of how these creatures—so closely linked to death but are immortal—long for some kind of oblivion. The ultimate romance for them is something that ends in their own ruin and death.

Now, look at these exhibits below, and see how Evan's feelings for the heroine also flirts with death.

[Serene Forest Night EVENT]

Did four-legged animals use less energy when they walked? My thoughts flew to the skies and I pestered Evan, asking him, if you can turn into an animal, what will you choose? Evan looked around and a moth happened to pass in front of us. He pointed at it casually and said, I'll be a moth then. Honestly, he must be joking.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Summer TRAJECTORY]

The second thing I lost was a mechanical pocket watch. I couldn't sleep the night after I threw it into the fireplace. The wind whistled outside and I felt my temples throb again and again, much like the tempo of that watch. That night I felt that I was about to become a pocket watch, a heinous one that would lead people astray and had to suffer abuse. I wanted to be it, I wanted to be it so badly. From the moment it broke free from my hand and threw itself eagerly into the face of the raging flames, I saw a kind of inspiration that put me to shame.

[CHAPTER 16-13]

Suddenly, a small figure appeared in front of my eyes. It was a skinny boy and he knelt in front of a fireplace that burned vividly like a fiery sunset. A few wooden blocks hit him all of a sudden and the boy picked them up without a word, throwing them into the fire silently. The flames leapt, just like the light in a pupil. The scene ended. I couldn't see the boy's face, but somehow I felt that it was familiar.

[CHAPTER 16-15]

These days I couldn't help but think of the scene I saw when I touched it that day. That must have been Evan's past. I didn't know why he threw those wooden blocks into the fireplace. Later, I tried to touch it again but I still couldn't see the cause, I could only see his hands gripping the hem of his clothes tightly. I even had the misconception that he wanted to throw himself into those raging flames.

[CHAPTER 16-15]

He suddenly thought sorrowfully that, if she were to open her eyes in this moment, would she find that he was this unfamiliar to begin with? The person that you admired, that you cared about, that you forgave, was actually not him. Meanwhile, because he acted as that person, he lost himself in the act. He was too close. The girl's breath hit his face and it was very hot. It made him recall the firelight of the fireplace which had also once thrown itself onto his face like this many years ago. Time stood still in this inopportune moment and he was startled by the sudden surge of desire in his body. Evan straightened up and made himself cool down quickly. Desire turned to disappointment and stuffed his chest full. Don't get any closer, he told himself. Don't get any closer.

[CHAPTER 17-5]

Evan closed his eyes. He had carried out countless plans but this was the only time where he didn't know whether it was a success or a failure. Originally, he had only wanted to hide her that day and confess everything to her after the crisis was dealt with. It didn't matter even if she hated him, as long as she didn't leave again. He would rather be entangled to the bitter end than be strangers who owed nothing to each other. This wasn't right, but he wanted to do this and so he did. He had never been as loyal to his heart as he was then, truly and genuinely fighting for something for once. However, matters developed to this point and escaped his control a long time ago. In that case, she should just... hate him to the end then. It was better than being strangers.

In conclusion, I honestly think it's impossible to say that Evan was simply using the heroine until he caught feelings for her Chapter 16 and onwards. He's been attracted to someone who can so easily be his ruin since the very beginning and every step he's taken since has been him struggling with his goal and personal desires.

(P.S. Did you catch how I named this essay the depth of his feelings because of the homonym between "depth" and "death"? Haha, I'm sorry for the terrible joke.)

Lastly, I will end this essay with this scene about how hard Evan wishes to tie himself to the heroine, even after death.

[SR Butterfly Kiss On Top]

[MC]: Evan, if there was a day I left this world, will I also become a butterfly? Evan was slightly startled and the fingers that held my palm gradually closed in. Evan: What kind of butterfly do you wish to become? [MC]: Hmm... I've thought about it and, never mind, I don't really want to be a butterfly. I pulled Evan to jog a few steps forward and the light that spilled through the tree branches fluctuated. [MC]: I'll become sunlight! Then I can shine on the person I want to shine on. [MC]: When I land on him, he'll be able to feel my remaining warmth. I swung Evan's hand and sheepishly stuck out my tongue. [MC]: Does it sound a little weird? But Evan lowered his eyes, which contained a smile. Evan: Not at all. [MC]: What about you then? What do you want to become? He thought for a while, looking over my shoulder at the ray of light on the low wall. Evan: Dust, I suppose. [MC]: Oh? Why do you want to become dust? I stopped involuntarily and Evan raised his hand, combing my hair that had been tangled by the breeze. Evan: Dust is often difficult for people to detect, only when it's in the sunlight can you see its floating motes. Evan: I don't care whether or not I can be seen by others— Evan: Because it's only when you perceive me that my existence has meaning.

#光与夜之恋 #light and night #LN Evan #LN Lu Chen #meta of light and night

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wedreamedlove · 7 months

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If mc had an ex who wanted to her back, how the guys deal with this ex would they straight fistfight this person or give them a warning to stay in their limit?

i grouped these two requests together since they're similar but, unfortunately, the scenarios i came up with for the men means they're already in a relationship. sorry, second anon!

You had just stepped out of a restaurant together with your boyfriend after having a dinner date when you saw the last person you would have expected—or wanted—to see here, your ex. His eyes lit up the moment he saw you and, before you could react, he rushed up to you and unleashed a torrent of apologies, begged you to forgive him, and asked you to give him a second chance. He had a look of contrition on his haggard face and it was clear that, in this period of time after you broke up, he wasn't living well. If it were anyone else, you might have felt a smidgen of sympathy for them but... You recalled how it was his cheating that made you break up with him and how long it took for that wound to heal enough for you to give another relationship a chance. You recalled those sleepless nights you spent crying and doubting your self-worth, the tossing and turning as anxiety wormed its way through you when other men showed interest in you, and the constant uncertainty of whether or not you would be betrayed again. You curled your fingers into your hand to hide their trembling as you rejected your ex and tried to leave with your boyfriend. Maybe your ex saw that he really lost his second chance and had no way of recovering things that he decided to burn all his bridges, or maybe he wanted to drag you down into the same miserable state that he was in, because as you walked away you heard him yell this out. "Only reason I slept with another girl was because you never put out. You're just a boring old hag! Don't come crawling back to me when that man next to you realizes you're nothing special and dumps you. Then you'll regret what you said today!" You felt as if all the blood drained from your face and extremities, rushing back into your heart as it clenched around a barely healed wound that began to seep again, and your fingers and feet chilled into numbness. At the same time, the man next to you stilled.

OSBORN

It was the rapid descent of air pressure around Osborn that snapped you out of your numb state and you stumbled forward to catch the edge of Osborn's sleeve when you saw him take a threatening step forward.

The second Osborn felt your tug he paused again and then pulled his sleeve out of your hand gently so that he could grip your hand. He frowned at how cold your hand was before he squeezed the tips of your fingers and then curled his palm around them, enveloping them in his warmth. Only then did he turn his head back to your ex and, although you couldn't see the look in Osborn's eyes due to being half a step behind, you had a rough idea of how vicious they were because your ex flinched back before he forcibly straightened his spine as if he just realized what he did and wanted to look tough.

"Did she ask?"

Despite his aggressive posture and expression, Osborn's voice was casual, as if he were just having an everyday conversation.

"What?" Your ex said, not following.

"I said, did she ask for your reason? For that matter, don't speak for me either. I'm the lucky one to be accepted by her and have her in my life. I'm also glad she didn't give you a second chance because I don't take kindly to rivals. You can try to compete with me for her favor, but be warned that I'm neither patient nor tolerant."

You don't know how Osborn managed it, since his voice was still light, but those last words were delivered in a way which made you think that if Osborn was riding his motorcycle right now he would have ran your ex over a thousand times already.

Your ex seemed to smell the same gunpowder smoke of danger delivered in those words because he paled.

Osborn gave him a curt nod in farewell except, due to his taller stature, his lowered glance carried a disdainful look. After that, he wrapped an arm around your shoulders to turn you and propel you to walk with him in the direction of his motorcycle.

But then, as if he just remembered something, Osborn glanced over his shoulder again to your ex. "Oh, one last thing, if I ever hear you talk about her like that again then I hope you enjoy your liquid diet in the future."

EVAN

Something heavy landed on your shoulders and, immediately, you were enveloped in the lingering warmth on Evan's coat and the familiar smell of wormwood.

"That's impossible," Evan spoke slowly as he fixed his cuffs that had become disheveled when he removed his coat, making the expensive cufflinks catch the street lights and glimmer. "After all, I was the one who pursued her for a long time before she deigned to give me the honor of accepting my courtship."

It was only after he adjusted his cuffs that Evan glanced indifferently at your ex, freezing the words in the man's mouth, before he looked towards the road where Zhou Yan had already pulled up in a Bentley and came out to open the back door for the both of you.

"Now, if that's all you have to say, I'm afraid there's no need for further conversation. Shall we?" Evan directed his last words to you and offered his arm.

You quietly took it and were guided to the car where he placed his hand at the top of the door to protect your head as you got inside before he slid in as well and allowed Zhou Yan to shut the door and return to the driver's seat where he began to drive without another word.

As you reflected on the events that just happened and how smoothly everything went a thought suddenly occurred to you. "Evan, when did you have Zhou Yan start waiting on you like that?"

Before Evan could respond, you heard Zhou Yan reply from the front of the car. "I took it upon myself to elevate the Young Master's status."

It took a moment to understand his words and then you couldn't stop the laughter that escaped your lips. To think that Zhou Yan and Evan would tacitly work together to crush your ex through a silent show of force via wealth, power, and status.

"Thank you, Zhou Yan." You looked towards the driver's seat and momentarily met Zhou Yan's eyes as he glanced at you through the rearview mirror.

"It was a trivial matter, Miss."

A squeeze on your hand had you turning your attention back to Evan and while there was no emotion on his face other than gentleness and the amusement at the corner of his eyes, somehow you could still understand that he was seeking praise too and so you leaned your head on his shoulder with a smile. "And thank you too, Evan, for defending me."

SARIEL

"It appears you aren't too hopeless if your tastes can improve so much in such a short time."

Sariel's dry words pierced the numbness that settled on you and the moment his words registered in your mind you spun towards him. "Hey! We're all allowed to make mistakes in our youth."

"Mm, and luckily you're a quick learner or else I wouldn't have accepted you as my student."

Your ex watched the two of you banter in disbelief. "Hey! Are you two ignoring me?!"

Sariel's eyes cut over and their gold shine as well as the contraction of his pupils into slits in the bright lights from the front of the restaurant and street lights hinted at just enough strangeness that your ex was given pause.

"You're still around? Seeing as how your lack of sense and judgment reveals your single operating brain cell, it would be a waste of our breath to talk to you."

Sariel grabbed your hand, interlocking your fingers and his together, and then pulled you away to walk towards his parked car. Although he didn't say anything else, the grip that was tighter than usual around your hand seemed to be a silent promise that he would never let go first.

CHARLIE

Charlie's low and startled exclamation caught your and your ex's attention.

You both looked over to see Charlie staring at your ex with an abnormal intensity before he suddenly strode over. This abrupt action caused your ex to take a step back in surprise and clench his hands into fists in preparation to defend himself. For a second, you also wondered if Charlie was going to start something but instead Charlie stopped a foot away and re-examined your ex up and down.

"You're displaying symptoms of being completely blind and yet, as far as I can see, there's nothing physically wrong with your eyes. This is a medical marvel. Sir, how many fingers am I holding up?"

You watched, speechless but also on the verge of laughter, as Charlie really did lift up three fingers in front of your ex's eyes and move them from side to side. "Charlie!"

"My apologies, fiancée, I'll be right there." Charlie glanced over his shoulder at you before he turned back to your ex and took out his business card to slide into the other man's chest pocket. "I highly recommend you get yourself examined at this hospital and, in fact, I'd love to be your attending doctor. Just ask for Dr. Zha at the counter. I'll make sure you leave the hospital with clear vision."

Charlie emphasized the last three words like a threat and, with a standard and blinding smile, returned to your side to take your hand to put on the crook of his arm before he led you away, leaving a flabbergasted and somewhat frightened ex behind.

JESSE

It only seemed to take a blink before Jesse was in front of your ex and throwing a punch to his face while his other hand gripped the man's collar.

"Say that again, I dare you," Jesse snarled.

You startled. "Jesse!"

When Jesse looked back, you couldn't help but inhale sharply at the sheer rage in his emerald eyes. In your memories, while he would naturally have his own bouts of negative emotions, the majority of the time he was that ray of sunshine who always seemed to be smiling around you. It was rare to see him this angry and rarer to see him angered to the point of acting on it.

"Don't. He's not worth it." You kept your voice level in order to coax Jesse to calm down.

Jesse tightened his grip on the man's collar, making the muscles in his arm bunch up visibly even underneath his sleeve, before—after a tense breath—he released your ex with a shove. Your ex stumbled back and fell onto his bottom, coughing and swearing.

In rough, jerky movements, Jesse pulled out his wallet and took out bills to throw onto your ex. "For your medical bills. But if I ever see you near her again, I won't let you off as easily as this..."

When Jesse came back, you grabbed his hand and quickly pulled him away. It was only when you walked far enough away and you couldn't see your ex that you pulled up Jesse's hand to examine it, although it looked fine except for being a bit red. "Did you hurt yourself punching him?"

Jesse pouted, "Ow, now that you mention it, it hurts a lot and I think it needs a kiss to get better."

You laughed somewhat angrily and rapped your free hand on his forehead. "Serves you right for punching people indiscriminately."

Jesse flipped around his hand that was held to grab your hand tightly before he pulled you into his arms and lowered his head to rub it against the side of your temple. "I couldn't just let him say that about you."

"There were better ways to handle that situation. You can't just hit people. Remember, you're a public figure now!"

Jesse's words, when he spoke, seemed to come out in a sigh. "When it comes to you, I can't keep calm."

#answered asks #light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln osborn #ln charlie #ln evan #ln sariel #ln jesse #ln xiao yi #ln lu chen #ln qi sili #ln zha lisu #ln xia mingxing

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wedreamedlove · 3 months

Text

【Light and Night: The Turmoil of Great Yao】

The heavens are unpredictable, destiny changes too easily; A subtle power grows, turbulent changes occur suddenly. Armored horses, mighty soldiers; smoke in all directions; The world enters a dream, with whom are you with? The dragon clears the way, soaring high into the sky; Supported by the common people, the world revolves around you. The imperial court weighs heavily, a palace of jade beauty; The world enters a dream, they knowingly go with you.

#light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln osborn #ln evan #ln charlie #ln sariel #ln jesse #ln xiao yi #ln lu chen #ln qi sili #ln zha lisu #ln xia mingxing #my translations

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wedreamedlove · 4 months

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【Light and Night: Year-End War】

Last night, the Warson annual party grandly opened. Thirty minutes before entry, five ordinary citizens of Guang Qi City came prepared, gathered at the venue entrance, and the year-end war raised its curtain like this… Who will be the victor of this battle in the end? Please watch the live video sent back to us by an unknown employee of the Guang Qi City TV Station—

#light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln osborn #ln evan #ln charlie #ln sariel #ln jesse #ln xiao yi #ln lu chen #ln qi sili #ln zha lisu #ln xia mingxing #my translations

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wedreamedlove · 11 months

Photo

I hold your hand with the intention to let you slowly know my heart. On this day overflowing with confessions, Blue Star invites the men to “make a heart” to convey their feelings to you. Love is an utterance that never tires. After receiving these feelings, how do you wish to respond to him?

Happy 520 everyone!

When you read out the numbers 5-2-0 in Chinese, it sounds like you’re saying “I love you”, and so Chinese otome games love to celebrate May 20th.

#光与夜之恋 #light and night #LN Osborn #LN Evan #LN Charlie #LN sariel #LN Jesse #LN Xiao Yi #LN Lu Chen #ln zha lisu #LN qi sili #LN Xia Mingxing #My translations

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wedreamedlove · 1 year

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These are pictures I took from the Light and Night artbook of all the men’s houses. Osborn’s actually depicts his secret base and not his apartment in the city. In order it goes:

Osborn

Evan

Sariel

Charlie

Jesse

#光与夜之恋 #light and night #LN Osborn #LN Evan #LN Charlie #LN sariel #LN Jesse #LN Xiao Yi #LN Lu Chen #ln zha lisu #LN qi sili #LN Xia Mingxing

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wedreamedlove · 2 months

Text

【Languid Morns PV】

The spring breeze sends warmth, and a dream is full of intoxicating excitement. Motes of light enter the room and, waking from the dream, words are slow to come next to a pillow. This time is endlessly nice, embrace him in the bright and beautiful spring.

#light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln osborn #ln xiao yi #ln evan #ln lu chen #my translations

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wedreamedlove · 2 months

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Hi ! I'm a long time lurker and appreciater of your posts regarding Light and Night. Since I don't know chinese, I'm unable to know much about Evan Lu ( man soooo hot ). Can u describe his personality and daddy tendencies ?. I'm living on crumbs lol. It's completely fine if u don't have the time to reply but it would be greatly appreciated if u do.

Evan is a complex character to describe and i personally don't think he shows many daddy tendencies in the game, haha. he keeps people at a distance by being the "perfect gentleman" because it's a habit from his upbringing but he's actually a little shit (affectionate) who enjoys teasing his girlfriend with plausible deniability.

okay, to be serious, Evan is extremely nihilistic. thanks to his upbringing, he's always questioning reality around him and what is the meaning to his existence. he's also capable of being extremely ruthless, to both himself and others, for the sake of his goals.

it would probably be easier to just read the essays i've written in chronological order for him:

Loving a Monster (Oct 2021)

Like Moths to Flames (Jan 2022)

Evan's Reading Shelf (Jun 2022)

Evan In Love (Sept 2022)

The Depth of His Feelings (Jun 2023)

Freeze the Moment (Jun 2023)

To Live in a World (Sept 2023)

meanwhile i also did some translations:

Marie Claire Interview

Evan ASMR Greed For Joy

My Sweet Journey (Studio) One, Two, Three, Four, Five

#answered asks #ln evan #ln lu chen #theflowerofhades-blog

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wedreamedlove · 7 months

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To Live In A World - Light & Night Group Essay

Light and Night has an 18+ rating in China but, in my opinion, it's not for sexually suggestive scenes, it's for the topics they bring up that only individuals with solid worldviews can appreciate and discuss. One topic that comes up again and again is how an individual lives in the world: what makes someone choose to leave and what makes someone keep going?

Out of the 5 male leads in Light and Night, Sariel, Evan, and Osborn have tried to kill themselves. Charlie cannot even conceive of the idea of suicide, but he also discusses this topic and has his own coping methods to deal with suffering. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Jesse has the standard response that he can't give up on everything because of his responsibilities, his attachments, and his loved ones [SSR Prairie Fire DATE].

Trigger warning for discussions about suicide. Spoilers up to Chapter 19 and Charlie's 2023 birthday.

[SSR Escaping Into Dusk DATE]

Evan: "Do you know how to meet a mermaid?" His tone sounded like he was asking someone a question, but also like he was simply telling the opening of a story. Evan: "You have to swim to the bottom of the ocean—there it will turn pitch-black and blue skies will become a memory." Evan: "When you lie down in that silence and decide to become a part of it, mermaids will appear." Evan: "If your love is sincere and pure enough, they will accept you and take you away forever."

This story comes from The Big Blue and, in the context of Evan's date, refers to committing suicide. I think it's only fitting to start this essay with this haunting metaphor, and this also happens to be one of the times Evan tried to commit suicide during the period of his life when he enjoyed freediving.

TO LIVE IS TO SUFFER—

Since Evan opened this essay, we'll continue to talk about him. First, to understand what could drive someone to commit suicide, I will summarize Evan's background. He was born into a caring nuclear family that quickly disintegrated and so, at the tender age of 5, he lost the love and protection of both parents. Right after that, he was forced to go through the brutal training all Blood Clan members go through, such as survival training in the woods and the indoctrination of their superiority.

[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]

Evan: Yes, it was when I was a child and driven into the woods for the first time. Evan: I witnessed wild beasts hunting and escaped from the mouth of a snake. I felt that the forest was full of dangers and only wished to get out of there quickly. Evan: And, just when I was hungry and exhausted, I saw a bamboo mushroom. Evan: At the time, I didn't know what it was and whether or not it was poisonous. I looked at it and thought hopelessly that I might as well pluck it and eat it, and resign myself to my fate.

[SSR Illusionary Light - 14 Years Ago Fall TRAJECTORY]

I felt my pulse beating, ba-dump, ba-dump—and so I aimed the screwdriver at it and stabbed down hard. The second the blood spurted out I heard the sound of my soul drilling out too. It cheered and sang for the freedom and sunlight it waited for so long. I was a bit happy, because I discovered that my heavy body was gradually turning light. That feeling of being able to fly even without wings was addictive. The smell of blood was a strong fragrance and when it dripped onto the mud it even blossomed as a vivid flower. [...] This time no one would be able to stop my footsteps. When the blood ran out, I would be free.

[SSR Against One's Heart - 11 Years Ago Spring TRAJECTORY]

Whenever my body was spread open to be seasoned, I always prayed in my heart for rot to come. I think I would greet it with extraordinary calm and even a small smile. Of course, I would allow myself to retain a bit of sadness and this would be my last reverence and friendliness to life. I held this thought until the first spot of mold appeared on my body—I meant the fresh and still bleeding bowl-sized wound in my chest, large enough that my heart could almost fall out. There was no moment closer to death than now, however a long-lost fear suddenly grew crazily in my body until, in the end, I was defeated. I watched myself stuff cotton balls into my body, along with all my obsessions and wickedness, and the blood stuck them together, forming a new piece of flesh of its own. If death happened to arrive at this moment, he would surely laugh at my hypocrisy and cowardice. Fortunately, the dense night outside the window stretched in front of me like train tracks and I could even hear his departing footsteps that were too lazy to step over those tracks.

The Blood Clan ground away his individuality, his sentimentality, and his attachments. In his 1st birthday [SSR Enticing Feast DATE], Evan explains that all members of the Blood Clan are brought up to have no affections for anything but family. He couldn't be picky about his food, he could only read books that were approved, and his pet rabbit was killed. To make matters worse, Evan is also the black sheep of the Blood Clan. He cannot bring himself to be like them with their cruelty, arrogance, and depravity. He shares their instincts but he instinctively rebels against it and questions all of the Blood Clan values.

Can someone even be considered to be "living" in this existence? It's no wonder Evan doesn't think there's anything to keep him in this world, because he grew up without even knowing who "he" is as a person.

Despite all this though, Evan did manage to find a way to reconcile his self-destructive impulses. However, this answer is going to be left for the next section and, instead, we are going to move onto our next male lead who suffered, Osborn.

Much like Evan, Osborn was also born to a loving family that disintegrated, starting with his father leaving and ending with his mother's multiple attempts to abandon him before she finally succeeded. Once that happened, Osborn had no more attachments to this world and thought about how easy it would be for him to disappear without anyone noticing or caring. He grew up with this fear of being abandoned again and so was afraid to get close to anyone. This self-isolation was only exacerbated by the prejudice of people around him, who saw him as a juvenile offender, and made no attempts to understand him.

[SSR The 400 Blows TRAJECTORY - 14 Years Ago Early Spring]

I look forward, beyond anything else, to the moment I kill myself. At least this proves that, at the very end, before the world abandons me, I severed my relationship with it first.

[SSR The 400 Blows TRAJECTORY - 8 Years Ago Early Summer]

After waking up, he climbed to the edge of the rooftop and looked at the rusty red marks on the concrete floor that couldn't be washed away, like they were a silent accusation. So long as he jumped, he could escape everything. Will anyone grieve for me? Will anyone care about my death? Osborn blankly thought.

[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 6 Years Ago Early Winter]

He suddenly raised his hand and slashed at his own neck hard. However, the biting pain didn't bring a sense of relief. Instead, it hurt more.

[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 4 Years Ago Early Winter]

All my classmates had jumped and kept hurrying me. The waves grew larger and larger and I realized I really would die if I didn't jump. But there was an instant where I seriously had the idea of giving up. I thought about leaving things like this, because to me this had never been an act to survive but instead a punishment.

Freedom is a double-edged sword. In protecting himself by keeping others at a distance and not getting attached, Osborn had also walled himself off from the world. It was all too easy for him to be indifferent and flippant with his own life because he cherished nothing and believed that no one cherished him.

However, as we all know, people (and animals) did get under Osborn's defenses and became family members he took under his wing and who ended up binding him to this world. He also discovered his own way of reconciling with the world, which we will talk about in the next section.

The last suicidal man was Sariel. Unlike the others (except for Jesse), Sariel was born to a loving family and there were no tragedies in his childhood. Instead, it was the trauma of war in his early adulthood that brought him to despair. On the battlefield, he saw the cycle of hatred and revenge, what humans do at the extremes of desperation (cannibalism), massacred a village, and ultimately ended the life of someone he loved with his own hands. Everyone he knew and loved passed away, either due to circumstances or the long passage of time, and after fulfilling all of their leftover wishes he himself was left with nothing of his own but crushing survivor's guilt.

[SSR Meeting Spring FILM REEL - Undead Nightmare]

Sariel lay on the shore of the lake and it was unclear whether it was lake water or tears on his face. Sariel: Yet another failure. After that, Sariel tried countless times more. Since his talent would save him, then he would try even more drastic methods. However, his talent followed him relentlessly like a curse. Cut veins would heal, torn off limbs would be restored, and even his heart could recover its function after being pierced by a long blade.

Not mentioned above is how, for his first attempt, Sariel jumped off a cliff and his body was practically pulverized or how, in the scene prior to the translation, he tied himself to a rock and sank into the bottom of a lake to drown. Unlike the other men, Sariel would have truly ended his life on multiple occasions if it weren't for his talent, but since he couldn't die he became an empty husk that wandered the world instead, attempting to drown out his pain in vices like gambling and wine.

So now, after seeing how some of the men in Light and Night hit absolute rock bottom in their lives, how did they pick themselves up and walk all the way to the present to stand before us?

—TO SURVIVE IS TO FIND MEANING IN THE SUFFERING (GORDON W. ALLPORT)

As I have been mentioning, all the men in Light and Night were able to come to terms with living in this world, although it's arguable how "healthy" their coping methods are. In this section, I will not be listing the men in the order I introduced them, but rather by my opinion on the worst-to-best coping methods the men demonstrate. Naturally, this is an incredibly personal opinion and you do not have to agree with me at all. In fact, discussion would be happily welcomed!

First, we have Evan.

[SSR Escaping Into Dusk DATE]

Evan: Actually, it can't be called liking it. It's just that I was once a little addicted to the feeling of freediving. Evan: In a turbid world without sound, color, or light. Evan: You toss aside every tool and means and rely only on the limits of what the human body can do... Evan: It's true the pain brought on by this method is inevitable, but the freedom of the soul gained from this is very captivating. Evan: You will genuinely experience and truly reach your inherent limitations as a human being. Evan: And, in this process, you can also expand the limit of your boundaries bit by bit as much as possible. MC: It sounds like it's nearly walking on the edge of death. Evan: More or less. But it's certainly attractive, isn't it?

[SSR Secrets in the Shade DATE]

MC: When you're feeling down or that things are difficult, just fantasize about the wonderful life you'll have after achieving your goals. [...] Evan: After I achieve my goals? Evan: At that time, perhaps nothing will be important anymore.

There are two parts to Evan's reconciliation with the world. First, as I brought up in my essay "The Depth of his Feelings", I believe the way Evan flirts with death is a homage to traditional vampire literature and their attraction to their own death, but I also think this is a natural act of those who are suicidal and lost as a person. Owing to the Blood Clan, Evan questioned himself and his perception of the world, but nothing is quicker at grounding someone to this world than the undeniable physical sensation of their body's primal instinct to survive.

Second, Evan ended up becoming indifferent to death. Even though I'm mentioning Evan first for "unhealthy" coping methods, it's mostly directed at his near-death outlets, and I actually appreciate his acceptance of death. On that note, there isn't a contradiction here because, even if his body emotionally wants to survive, he has intellectually made peace with death.

Evan's view on death reminds me a lot of the Stoic ideal of the good death. The Stoics do not believe that death is anything to fear because everything comes to an end and, in fact, they believe that suicide is a choice and amoral. The door is always open to you if you choose to leave; the only caveat is that you must consider your circumstances seriously and make your decision logically and not on a rash and impulsive decision. For Evan, he calmly accepts death after he achieves his goal (of wiping out the Blood Clan) because, to him, his life would be complete and there would be nothing more for him in this world. It would be a good death. Evan's acceptance of his own death can also be seen in his 2nd anniversary card [SSR Yesterday's Elegy TRAJECTORY].

Alright, we've seen how Evan reconciled with the world, so now we're going to move onto Charlie.

[SSR To the Oracle DATE]

Charlie: Fiancée, freedom exists. Charlie: It's pain and sacrifice that let him feel the value of existence. [...] Because that person who treats pain as feeling the world and touches the weight of freedom is Charlie too. [...] Charlie: But they can't stop themselves from interacting with others. MC: Why do they have to be so persistent... Charlie: Because they still have hope for this world.

[SSR Solar Flare DATE]

Charlie: I cried terribly when I learned that he would never come back. Charlie: But when I grew up I gradually understood that maybe he had already decided to say goodbye to this world. Charlie: So long as people live they will get hurt. No one knows how much pain the seemingly optimistic and cheery people around them have endured alone. Charlie: Time couldn't heal his wounds and so he gave up on saving himself. I could hear the conflict in his heart. He was someone who clearly valued life a lot and always spared no effort in saving every single person. How many similar things had he gone through, how many helpless moments had he experienced, and how had he carried all of this to this day to stand in front of me... I had no way of imagining it. I could only hold his hand tightly to let him know that I was trying to understand how he felt. Charlie: The look in Myron's eyes before he was lifted into the ambulance made me feel that everything I had done just now might have been meaningless. Charlie: But I will still choose to save them. I can't explain why, maybe it's an instinct.

Like I mentioned, Charlie cannot even conceive of the idea of committing suicide but, ironically, he experiences the world through suffering. As a phoenix, he innately loves the world and its people, and that's why the injustices and despair in the world hurt him so much. So, how does he find an outlet for this pain?

[SSR Perpetual Journey Home TRAJECTORY - New Era 44 Late Autumn]

Charlie clenched his fist, making the tense veins in his arms and wrists bulge out before they submerged into his palm. His flat nails nearly dug hard enough into his skin to bleed. Only then did I suddenly notice that his broad palm was covered with crescent-shaped scars that curved in the same direction. The protruding white marks were old, but it was obvious they were quickly covered with new purple marks before they faded. MC: ... Don't hurt yourself. I placed my fingers on the tips of his fingers and tried to pry them away. But Charlie didn't loosen his hand. He bent his knuckles so hard that it seemed as if he was biting the skin of his palm painfully. And that pain actually entered my body through this touch. MC: Charlie, let go! I heard my own urgent voice, as well as the imaginary quiet sound of flesh being separated. His fingernails dug into his palm, which slowly began to turn red. MC: Charlie, I don't understand... I shook my head, tears staining my cheeks. I didn't understand why he had to torture himself like this. Or— I did understand, but I could only use this common logic to persuade him to stop harming himself. The glaring redness of his palm filled my mind like the shallows of a sea. I smiled bitterly. Wasn't pain just another way of breathing?

[SSR Under the Stigmata DATE]

He walked to my side and sat down, watching quietly as the boy turned back to plucking his black feathers, as if he had seen this done countless times. In a daze, I saw Charlie sitting there in a firefighter's uniform, his face covered with smoke and dust. And every time the boy plucked a feather, his expression that was on the verge of a breakdown softened a little, as if that action could relieve his pain. I also saw Charlie, wearing a white coat and looking exhausted. He sat there blankly, his hands still shaking slightly. I recognized this action, it meant that he had just completed a long operation. They all had the same contentment of pain on their faces. It dawned on me that this place, this house, might have been built by his father originally, and Charlie had also once destroyed it. But in the present, Charlie had built all of this by himself, brick by brick. Here, he overlooked the pain of his past, again and again, gaining the power to rebuild himself from it. I thought about how he found a way to use this pain, but this didn't mean that this pain no longer existed and I didn't want to see any Charlie trapped in it.

This is how Charlie reconciles with the world and his powerlessness. It reminds me of these tweets about trashed bathrooms and how, when people have no control over their life or environment, they will want to assert control over the small part of their environment that they still have the power to affect. In this case, what can you always affect? Yourself. In a way, this is somewhat similar to how Evan paces on the border of life and death, because not only does it make him feel alive but it also gives him control.

For Charlie, there are so many things that he cannot control in the world, especially other people's decision to take their own lives. He also lives under the extraordinary pressure and control of his father, who has been trying to mould Charlie into his perfect heir (and a god to rule this world?). By hurting himself, Charlie can be assured that he is still in control of his own life and his own decisions and this gives him the strength to pick himself up again and again, among all this suffering, to try and help more people.

You can probably see why I don't rate Charlie's method that highly either, because I don't advocate self-harm, haha. Next, after having seen Charlie's method, we move onto Sariel.

[SSR Seeing the Spring FILM REEL - The Mayfly]

Sariel (Phantom): Everything has a conclusion that you have no choice but to accept, regardless of whether it goes against your heart or not, or whether it hurts you or not. Sariel (Phantom): When this pain is too heavy, it's better to forget it than to confront it bruised and bloody. Sariel (Phantom): Living on relies not on redemption or reconciliation, but on forgetting. Sariel: Did you survive to that time just by forgetting? Sariel (Phantom): Yes. Sariel (Phantom): Rather than letting regret and pain erode your heart into an empty husk, it's better to forget everything. Sariel (Phantom): Live on, Sariel. Someone is waiting for you in the future.

As we saw earlier, Sariel would have succeeded in committing suicide if it weren't for his talent. This is why his coping method is to forget the weight of his pain before it drives him mad and turns him into something else. In this dialogue between himself, Sariel does question whether forgetting is just another way of escaping his pain, much like drinking; but, in my opinion, it's a valid choice to set aside the pain when you cannot handle it in the moment. Sariel sealed his power and memories away but, now that he has you to support him, he's unsealed his power and memories and has the strength to look back on his past and come to terms with everything with a less despairing outlook.

Lastly, we come to Osborn who, in my personal opinion, has the healthiest mindset.

[SSR Free Fall TRAJECTORY - 1 Year Ago Midsummer]

To be honest, I was disappointed in that moment. It was no different from any other rainbow that appeared somewhere after the rain. It was very beautiful, and very ordinary. The end of the rainbow was in fact just the end of the rainbow, and it was only my imagination of it that idealized it. But I still stared at it for a long time, until I found that the disappointment wasn't that terrible either. Because the world didn't care at all whether or not I was disappointed. Even if I never set foot on the road again because of this, the world wouldn't use anything I longed for to urge me to stay. After understanding this, I suddenly no longer gritted my teeth and fumed about disappointment. Because I discovered I had other things that could transcend disappointment: people who were willing to take risks with me when I took risks, and people who could understand my emotions that weren't understood.

The world being indifferent is supposed to be comforting, because it means that setbacks and disappointments aren't targeting you in particular. Successes are because of your own efforts and failures are because there were more uncontrollable elements than there were things you could affect.

Osborn internalizes this message and I believe it explains why he's such an active person. He has no expectations for the world and thus cannot be harmed by it any longer. He no longer needs to feel like he did in his childhood, about abandoning the world before it abandons him first. He managed to turn his independence from the world, which used to make him feel isolated, into one of his greatest strengths and it's also because he now has personal connections that bind him to the world by choice.

For my headings, I used a quote by Gordon Allport but, to be honest, I prefer the old Buddhist saying that "pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional" and, in my opinion, it reflects Osborn's perspective and why I, personally, think he has the healthiest relationship with the world. It's inevitable that there will be times when things don't go smoothly in your life and that you'll experience (physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual) pain, but it's your choice on whether to suffer during this period or not. Suffering is optional means you should realize the impermanence of this pain and if you can accept when things are out of your control, manage your expectations, and understand that whatever the world does externally to you does not affect your core as a person, then you will realize there are actually a lot of things you can overcome and that you need not dwell on them.

In the end, Light and Night is a game about hope and all the characters are growing, hopefully including the players who are following all of these characters in their journey. I also really like how the game doesn't affix one theme to one character, but instead approaches a theme from multiple angles through all the characters because, in this case, there is no right or wrong answer on how to live a life in this world. But, hopefully, seeing how hard these characters struggle to keep living can also provide some courage to those who are struggling and searching for their own path.

#light and night #光与夜之恋 #ln osborn #ln evan #ln charlie #ln sariel #ln xiao yi #ln lu chen #ln qi sili #ln zha lisu #meta of light and night

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wedreamedlove · 2 years

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Evan In Love - Character Study

I wasn't expecting to write this, because I don't believe I can do justice to his writers who have been hitting home runs since his [SSR Still in the Mirror] in 2021. I'm willing to die on the hill of claiming that Evan is one of the most fascinating characters I've ever had the pleasure of reading anywhere. The pull-push tension between him and the heroine is godly! So, instead of my usual analysis, I'm going to summarize the key points his writers have laid out instead.

In my opinion, Evan's views on love have gone through three stages.

First, there was terror. [Childhood]

To put it simply, Evan has had zero role models for a loving and healthy romantic relationship. He was 5 years old when his parents started fighting viciously with each other, culminating in his mother giving up on the family. If you remember, his father was cheating around this time and would go missing soon and be labeled as a traitor to the Blood Clan.

In addition, while we don't know when Evan first began attending Blood Clan events, we know he's been seeing Blood Clan customs since 14 years old, such as the orgy and bloodletting even at their weddings. The culture of the Blood Clan treats brides like objects; her family is not allowed at the wedding and, once married out, the bride becomes a possession of the groom.

[SSR Against One's Heart - 12 Years Ago Early Spring TRAJECTORY]

What exactly was "love"? It could make people lose their reason and sense of self in one moment, yet it could also make people become another person the moment they let it go.

The power it had was enough to produce a complete change in a person. Its existence was more powerful and more terrifying than any force.

Thinking of this, the young Evan suddenly felt an unprecedented terror.

[...]

What was love?

Was it an intimacy, passion, and desire that burned like a flame, or was it a commitment to another person that required one's whole life?

However, commitments would become distorted, desires would be devoured, raging flames would burn out, and the intimacy bound by life would one day spiral out of control.

Just like the cello strings in the hands of him and his mother. No matter how wonderful the music was that they played, the strings would suddenly break at a critical moment.

Evan: Heh.

Evan gave a low, self-derisive laugh. He was suddenly thankful that his gray past let him understand the essence of love and marriage.

Before he blindly chased "love" like everyone else.

The only warmth he ever received at this age was from his maternal grandmother and her servant but, in Evan's eyes, he had to lie to them to preserve this relationship. This created more psychological shadows for him, because his lies were exchanged for their love and peace of mind.

Second, there was incomprehension. [Teenage to Adulthood]

After the death of his maternal grandmother and her servant, Evan essentially became numb to the world. It's important to note here that, during his puberty, he's seen the carnality and hedonism of the Blood Clan and is mostly unmoved by it. There is a beastly instinct in him that craves blood, like them, but he also desires more.

[SSR Against One's Heart - 11 Years Ago Spring TRAJECTORY]

[...] I never dared to look directly at the sun, it always made me feel sinful, but that day was different. That day was different.

Its compassionate eyes made me feel that no matter what I did, even if it was depraved and sinful, everything would be forgiven. I remembered the warm embrace that I didn't want to leave when I was a child. My heart beat fast, my whole body was tightly tensed, and then a stream of heat ran up my spine and dripped down my body. For an instant, my brain was empty, and this sort of feeling was awkward and unfamiliar; however, my body was filled with a primitive and straightforward pleasure—a pleasure that had long since disappeared at some point in time.

I opened my eyes, panting. It was dawn.

If you think this sounds like something, you're not mistaken. Yes, Light and Night wrote a very tasteful masturbation scene for Evan. He found kindred spirits in fictional books and re-connected with the world this way. Specifically, the aforementioned scene is when he reads The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera and reaches a passage about Tomas and Tereza making love. What Evan is drawn to is not the pleasures of flesh, but a love that connects two souls.

A major point to understanding Evan is that he's a black sheep. He doesn't belong anywhere. To the Blood Clan, Evan is an abnormality because he has these "human" sentiments and disagrees with their values, even going so far as to be disgusted at their instincts. To us, this seems normal—and even praiseworthy—but imagine how lost a child would be growing up in a society where everything they did, thought, or felt was out of the norm.

Meanwhile, Evan also cannot join the human world because, fundamentally, he is not human and he has these monstrous instincts. Blood excites him. This isn't even bringing up the fact that he's been trained to be a ruthless weapon, with innocent blood on his hands, and so he really can't fit into normal society anymore.

All in all, this is Evan's state at the beginning of the game when we meet him. Deep down, he longs for a relationship that unites two people together but he has no model or experience for love. It's not a surprise that this incomprehension leads to his first birthday in 2021 being all about his struggle with love.

[In the Misty Night Birthday PV]

"Beyond my mind, there has always been something I cannot touch or see clearly. Is it love?"

In my opinion, [MAIN STORY CHAPTER 16] and [SSR Enticing Feast] are roughly around the same timeline, where Evan is drawn to the heroine but experience has repeatedly taught him that he loses everything in his life, so it's better not to have something than to have it and lose it. He will take disappointment and regret over bitterness and rage.

However, despite whatever he thinks in his mind, his body and actions show his true emotions all the time.

Third, the belief now that love is forgiveness, and the acceptance that comes with this. [Present]

[SSR Prairie Fire]

He slowly bent down, the restraint in his eyes suppressing the surge of desire. His actions were very gentle though and, like a devout believer, he gave the longest kiss to my fingertip.

Evan: Are you willing to forgive my desire?

Even at this moment, he still asked again to confirm my intention. I looked him straight in the eyes and nodded.

MC: I'm willing.

[...]

Evan: It seems this is truly an overly powerful phantasmagoria, and it'd be difficult to break relying on the power of just one person.

MC: Does it need the two of us together...?

I thought for a moment and then suddenly looked at Evan.

MC: When we broke the handcuff just now... I seemed to feel some sort of power pour in, was that yours?

Evan nodded.

MC: If that's the case, can we be bound together with the contract of a master and feast?

Evan: The Feast Contract?

Evan frowned reflexively. It was obvious he instinctively rejected the habits of the Blood Clan.

Evan: I don't want to do this to you.

MC: But in this situation right now, I'm afraid this is the quickest and most effective way.

A rare trace of hesitation flashed through Evan's eyes, but it was fleeting. He made a quick decision and seemed to agree with my judgment.

Evan: I will control myself and it's only a temporary contract.

MC: I trust you.

Evan embraced me, took my hand, and led me to lie down on the couch. Then he grabbed my wrist and, once again, kissed the fingertip he had just bitten.

Evan: In this contract, [MC] shall become my feast.

He pinched the pad of my finger carefully and the tip of his tongue swirled around the injury. A strand of blood oozed from the wound that had yet to heal and he gently licked it.

Evan: I shall open to you an abyss of desire, and you shall bring to me a tide of depravity.

Evan: This I vow, and seal with blood.

[...]

Evan looked at the side of the girl's defenceless and sound asleep face, letting out a long breath.

The old woman's astonished eyes still remained before his eyes and even he himself was surprised that the moment he sucked the girl's blood he unconsciously sent his own power to the dazed girl.

Evan looked at his hand, which had once been covered in blood. Later, in day after day of overt contentions and covert struggles, he became accustomed to calculating all his benefits and losses like a machine.

But in that instant he saw her trapped, whether it was the instinct of a beast that had been offended or out of an irrationality deep in his heart, he couldn't resist the emotion of wanting to rescue her.

He used to be so afraid of obtaining her, and so afraid of losing her. But in that moment, he threw all of that to the back of his mind and only wanted to take back something, possess something, and was willing to pay for it.

Evan: Is this... love?

A low voice overflowed from his lips subconsciously. A gust of cool wind blew and the sleeping girl unconsciously hugged his arm tightly. He didn't know what she dreamed about, but she seemed to reveal a satisfied smile.

Evan reached out and held her shoulders, letting the last light syllable dissipate in the evening breeze.

Perhaps this answer was no longer that important.

[2022 QIXI LOGIN MESSAGE]

"Under the majestic and boundless night sky, you are the one and only source of light in the depths of my heart."

It's hard to describe the relationship between Evan and his heroine. It's... complicated. Remember, Evan has no framework for love and so he's acting blind here. He can't even trust his instincts when it comes to her, because they're torn between wanting to drink her blood and possess her as well as protect and cherish her. I think this leads to the unconventional ways Evan's love is described in the game, like the aforementioned scene where he doesn't even attempt to define love.

I used to talk a lot about Mo Yi from Tears of Themis and his theme about what it looks like for a human to be in love, so I'm absolutely delighted that Evan's writers have decided to touch on this as well. Both of these men wish to be wholly bared and genuine to their heroines, but at the same time it's a terrifying ordeal to be known because they aren't archetypical "good" people. They show the messy spectrum of human emotions, including unkind thoughts and dark urges.

The concept of genuineness is tackled in [SSR Sinful Love]:

Evan: How come you're lost in thought, are you still thinking about that question before getting in the car?

MC: Yeah... I'm thinking about my "character".

Evan: A little rabbit?

MC: Yes. But, sometimes, I might not be the bunny you think I am.

Evan: But I think it's also out of tenderness that people will hide themselves and choose to show others their most suitable side.

Evan: No matter what kind of person you choose to be in front of me, I will cherish that feeling. This is enough.

I stared blankly at his smile and then suddenly came to a realization.

The reason people had characters and couldn't just act according to their own feelings was because they cared about the person in front of them.

It was because I cared about someone that I couldn't stop considering things for him, taking his feelings into account, and also caring about his opinion of me.

There is no one correct path to loving someone. Love can be inexplicable, complicated, and messy; however, when you act out of that intent and take the other person into consideration, I'm certain the other person will be able to feel it.

On a hilarious note, Evan's gap moe is not the standard cold to outsiders and warm to the heroine, but rather the opposite! He's unfailingly polite and a gentleman to others, but a troll and tease to the heroine. When he's being just a little bit rude, that's when you know he's being his true self.

Lastly, I'll close with Evan's beautiful marriage vows now that we know he must have come up with them himself, since the Blood Clan is... well, like that. Check out how his vows are direct references to the thoughts he had when he was 14 years old and questioning love.

[SSR Meaningful Contract]

Evan: I, Evan, take [MC] as my wife, my lifelong partner, and my only lover.

Evan: You are my desire that never withers. You are my deepest depravity and obsession.

Evan: I promise to love you forever, regardless if it's a blessing or curse or whether we be in heaven or hell.

Evan: I will take you out of despair and pain with both hands. With my heart, I will brew the mellow wine of your life.

Evan: If the relentless night comes, I will burn every inch of me to light up a path of life for you.

When the footsteps stopped, I turned my head and looked behind me.

Sunlight shone through the enormous stained glass and poured on that carpet of loyalty.

Evan stood in front of me and took my hand to touch his heart lightly, as if completing some kind of special ceremony.

Evan: Now, please allow me to ask for your forgiveness.

His solemn oath fell into my heart and produced a tiny resonance. I slowly closed my fingers and held his hand in return.

MC: I forgive you.

Right after I spoke, the corner of my lips were suddenly covered by a warm softness.

In a humid Salar in June, Evan leaned down and kissed me.

He carefully tore my lips and swallowed the rust-scented blood, little by little. The hand that was around my waist trembled slightly, as if trying to control some dangerous instinct.

Through wet breaths, I finally understood what exactly was the Kiss of Thorns of the Blood Clan—

Just like thorns piercing each other, only after making each other your only desire can it be regarded as offering up your soul.

#光与夜之恋 #light and night #LN Evan #LN Lu Chen #meta of light and night

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