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#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an
kyuala · 6 months
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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
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domfck-blog · 7 years
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hi !! i wrote a novel long intro ( YIKES sorry !! ) below, but here’s dom~ 
(CHRIS WOOD - MALE, 24) — have you met DOMINIC CAVANAUGH yet? word is that he is ASTUTE & FERVENT, though if you catch him on the wrong day, he can also be PARANOID & ALOOF. i heard that he is a CRIMINAL INVESTIGATOR, but don’t take it from me. when he was moving in, i thought i heard RESTLESS by COLD WAR KIDS playing from his apartment. pretty appropriate, right?
BACKGROUND:
dominic cavanaugh was born and raised in chicago, IL. — up until the age of 16.
he was the second born of four children; one older brother, one younger sister and a younger brother.
dom could almost say that he had the perfect, white picket fence life. ALMOST. however, there was one factor that consistently proved to be an obstacle for that reality — his older brother.
although first born, the eldest cavanaugh always appeared to be the black sheep of the family. his personality, for some odd reason, hadn’t blended well with the rest of the tight knit family. for as long as dominic could recall, he and his brother had a rocky relationship; the other always finding himself drawn to the wrong type of crowd and getting far too deeply involved with their antics. 
dominic ended up being the one to bare the responsibility on his back of taking care of their family; as said older brother was always far too busy vanishing during the daytime hours only to return back home, sneaking through the door and up the stairs during late night/early morning. he learned a sense of responsibility early; taking his younger siblings under his wing.
in spite of everything juvenile he’d done, dom still loved his older brother and in some ways, wanted desperately to look up to him. as much bad as he brought upon the family, there were rare moments that shone through which showed how much he truly cared for dom; always fiercely protective over him. no matter what, dom was the first person who’d rush to the scene to pick his brother up from stumbling along the sidewalks or lost in a shady abandoned warehouse.
HOWEVER, times took a drastic change when one day, after he finished his sophomore year, his brother had overdue debts owed to a certain rather notoriously dangerous group of men (men that he clearly underestimated), that they made sure the entire family would pay for.
(TW: VIOLENCE/DEATH) he’d decided to go on a road trip away with some friends for a week to the beach, taking a break from all of the stress from both school and his family, and that’s when he’d received the phone call that literally changed his life. five days into his vacation, and at 2 in the morning his dad began ringing his phone off the hook. ignoring it the first couple of times as he was trying to sleep, he eventually answered as it seemed to be urgent. “your mother has been stabbed.” was a sentence dom wasn’t bracing to hear at this time of night or so suddenly, and once it finally hit, he wasted no time in getting his clothes, etc. together and driving straight back home.
sure enough, he’d arrived at the hospital too late, when he came through and received news from the doctors that his mother had succumbed to her injuries. his father, only coming out with a few cuts and bruises thankfully, was distraught and devastated. it soon became clear that this was a message given by the gang that his older brother owed heaping piles of money to. 
this was the final straw that broke the camels back so to speak for dominic, and when the police began questioning the motives behind such a brutal attack, dom had no hesitation in throwing his brother and his illegal/reckless ways under the bus. soon enough, with the charges catching up to him, the eldest cavanaugh had been thrown behind bars — put in prison for a decade. with the knowledge now that dom and his family had been relieved of their careless sibling, they decided to up and move away from chicago; as they very clearly weren’t safe there. who knew when that sort of horrific incident would occur again, and to which member?
they moved to san fran, far enough away from their troubles. from there on out, dominic finished and graduated from high school. he went on to college where he majored in criminal justice and obtained his degree. inspired by the events that haunted his teenage years and the horrible decisions repeatedly made by his older brother, dom went down the path of becoming a criminal investigator. the people who murdered his mother had still been out there, and that nightmare would live on forever to linger over him like a storm cloud until he brought justice to her killers. 
his father owns a bar called Cavanaugh’s (naturally), where dom will commonly be found helping him during any free time he can manage to make for himself. whether he’s bartending thanks to lack of staff, or cleaning around the space, or just enjoying a drink, Cavanaugh’s has become a favorite spot of his.
PERSONALITY:
dominic is somebody who had to grow up quickly too young, so he’s far more matured than most 24 year old men his age at the moment. he’s also trying his hardest to stay true to his roots and remain a good guy, despite all the shit that life has thrown at him. with the immense stress of his job and the cases that weigh heavily on him, along with the past that he still has yet to overcome mentally, he’s constantly found drinking. not to say that he has a problem, per se, but he definitely tends to like to get drunk far more often than not. 
despite his maturer side, he still loves to be playful, a bit sarcastic, but overall he cares far too much for people that sometimes could make him an easy target to be taken advantage of. he puts his family first, always, and will make his brother, sister, or father his number one priorities above all else. this has proved to come between a few relationships of his in the past. 
OVERALL, DOM IS JUST NOT A GOODY GOOD GUY, BUT NOT A BAD GUY EITHER. he also hates drugs, clearly, he can’t be doing drugs with his field of work as he’s drug tested all of the time. but he is breaking some rules considering he’s going into records he’s not supposed to, looking into his mother’s murder case that had been closed years ago, and he also abuses his power to obtain information regarding his brother’s whereabouts and updates from his life in prison. 
CONNECTIONS:
sibilngs, duh ( but more so wc so... ) 
exes (girlfriends/flings)
a roommate?? (possibly someone that was his best friend from high school or s/t
considering his field of work there could be plenty of connections made involving that !! whether it be that he deals with your char all the time because they’re always getting in trouble, or helped your char at one point in time w something?? IDK anything !!
bros
um if anybody has a bartender job he could know them through his dad’s bar or w/e ?? could also just know him whenever they stop through his dad’s bar and he’s always there either serving them or hanging out w them.. you know, stuff.
bad influence !! 
even cousins ?? idc
m/f brotp ( love !!! )
maybe a messy girl who’s just loads of trouble but he can’t help himself from caring for her and sometimes would bend the law in order to keep her out of scrutiny.
ok i’m done typing shit in here, hmu if you wanna plot :~)
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