#look its mostly Riku brain that screams about that book

[system-of-a-feather]

Hiya! Umm... I saw your long AAPI/cultural appropriation essay, and you seem to know what you're talking about. Way more than I do.

I'm in a tricky spot and I don't know what to do about it. (I know you may not be the right person but I don't know who else to ask)

So. I'm a traumagenic system. I was lonely, and anime was there for me. I have introjects, sure. But we're polyfrag and it's fuzzy, and for the whole system it feels more than just a source media thing.

We grew up DREAMING about Japan. We studied japanese and tried to sing the original lyrics of songs and search up their meanings as a kid. I'd sometimes try to make english versions of them. Not to hide the original, but because my family couldn't understand the beauty I saw. And I felt such a connection to it...

Now I'm rambling... 😅

I've always wanted to teach Japanese, to use Japanese every day in my life. When I wrote stories I would go search through all the Japanese to english dictionaries and search for the perfect name with the perfect meaning. I thought all the names were gorgeous and appreciated how special they were.

I try and bring Japanese culture into my life every day, even. I listen to Japanese idol groups and pop. I'm still trying to learn japanese, and further more I want to teach it to my community, to create a place where we can come together and learn this language together, as a small country community. To learn and embrace some of their cultures and try new things along the way.

I know that I am not Japanese. I don't want to appropriate them. But I find them so... or not them. But the language and culture and almost everything I find out has me entranced and wanting to learn more. It almost feels like my purpose, or a huge part of my life. My goal. My mission.

I live on the disability pension. I will probably never see Japan in person, and I've heard disability is frowned upon there anyway, to some degree. I don't know if I could even live there, especially if my workability was low. I'm not so young anymore. Even then there are stories of all the people who aim for their dreams and don't make it there. So I dropped it from my cards. I decided if I couldn't do it there... maybe I could do it where I am.

If I'm culturally appropriating Japan and it's cultures I'm happy to give them all the credit. I'm proud of where I found what I have. I adore it and would lift it up any day. But I also adore what I'm doing, what I'm bringing to life. I'm making some Japanese-Aussie vibe culture hybrid or something. I don't know!

But I wouldn't give it up for anyone. If a Japanese person asked me too... I'd prefer to start life over in Japan with no money or resources to my name. I'd probably prefer to live their homeless. I couldn't organise it myself. But I'd take a harsher punishment rather than let it go. I'd prefer to embrace it entirely than ever give it up.

But people online keep saying that nobody should use the names, the language, the cultures... I don't know what to do. I... don't have an answer.

I don't want to be for something so harmful. But I've posted about how names are beyond something that could be taken away. I've disagreed with people of colour about Japanese examples. I've never met a truly Japanese people, beyond watching lessons and shows and blogs and cultural breakdowns. I don't know what they'd say. I've heard that Japanese people praise other cultures for trying to learn their language, from articles online detailing what foreigners should expect. But I know Japan is big on honour culture, so they might just think it and not say their true thoughts to be polite.

Idk what to do!! I want to uplift everyone around me. To build villages for people who I come in contact with. To create openness and to be respectful and create fond memories. I don't want to go down as someone oppressive. But I want to go down as me.

I have no Japanese heritage, no japanese blood or family. I have no rights except for years with nothing else.

I know the answer some people would give is to embrace my own culture. But well... Aussie culture is sort of memes and culture-mix-soup. Beyond white man capitalism and conquering and the white people bible. Aussie culture is "it's hot here and we're like smart, funky, weird sounding bogans". I sort of want more than that.

I want to preserve their (Japans) culture how I found it, if I can. If I accidentally tamper with it, I want to say that, to let it be known. But I like how it is too mostly.

There are some negatives to it too, I know. Like, LGBT rights in Japan, the mental illness stuff, and more. But I'm not willing to leave because of those bad things.

Sometimes moving forward means taking aspects of different places and furthering them together to make something new. Is that cultural appropriation? Will I get in trouble for doing that? And how can I progress it/myself, how can I aspire and dream of a better world if all the jigzaw blocks are forced down to the table and unmovable. What do I do?

I don't understand it. And I don't know what to do about it.

Help.

(sorry it is so long. Sorry 😅😥)

Reading this back, I feel like the indignant child. "I don't want the other one, I want that one." Is that bad? Idk.

I'll just leave this here. What is your take? What do you& think?

Yeah thats a complex situation that I don't really have any kneejerk direct opinions on it towards. I might actually leave this in my drafts for a bit to think about it some cause theres a multi-dimensional aspect to it and a lot to consider that even I don't think I'm entirely all that knowledgable to comment on

(Especially regarding Japanese culture as I am Not Japanese and while there are similar dynamics in how western / white perspectives influence it, the dynamics are different and the histories are different; additionally, of a lot of the 'main big' Asian groups, Japanese is honestly the one I've had some of the least engagement with as the places I've lived have been heavily Vietnamese, Thai, Chinese, and Korean; we have a couple Japanese marketplaces near but beyond community, I don't have too much personal insight into the intricracies of Japanese culture and their opinions on these matters, so do understand ANYTHING from this post is coming from a Indo-Chinese perspective and anything I say on this topic, is to be taken second / less than any Japanese person that might want to key in on it as well)

I do have to say - from what I can tell from this ask alone (which is not necessarily a best sample, a lot of judgement of respect is best seen in Action and not words which asks are limited to) - I do have to say I really think you have a good intent and a better understanding / concern to the complexities of things than a lot of people I've seen who "really like Japan and Japanese culture" so in my more optimistic, generally wanting-to-give-best-faith and progressive culture-sharing perspective, I would like to encourage the dream and intent cause I think the vision is really great and amazing honestly.

The issue I have is that the practical application is pragmatically difficult and a bit uneasy because, as much as I think you have a lot of good intent and probably more than the average person, you aren't the first nor last white person who found themselves enamored and emotionally bonded with an Eastern Culture and with a full heart and chest wanted to help preserve and care for the culture. I don't say it in a means to be accusatory or aggressive, but more so a thing to be cautious if you want to try both holding your dreams and joys in the most respectful manner - but the rhetoric does sound a bit white savior / white knight adjacent. That is just to say that it's important to remember that, in the end of the day, Japanese people don't need you (a white person) to advocate for them or to save them and the culture doesn't need you to spread or preserve it for them.

I don't like to say it because I think with a lot of caution, respect, and passion, people who really love something can do a lot of good in the world; but (and I don't know if this is the case or just my past experience with white people who want to help Eastern cultures making be a bit cautious) inherently if there is any part of you that feels as though you will be a hero or leader in any way or form towards the Japanese / Japanese culture, I think one of the first things you'd need to make sure you do is to toss that dream of heroics out and take a massively more "follower" and "aid" mindset out.

In the end of the day, if you want to help any eastern culture be preserved and what not, its important that you - someone who has never been raised or lived the life - are never the end point of people reaching to it; the best place your role would and should be is a means of connection and resource provision, because in the end of the day, you are going to always be a student compared to those that have lived their life in the environment

With that in mind, I am a person who really likes the idea of healthy and productive sharing of cultures and respectful interactions between them and I also know that in some places - which I assume Australia might be as well - there is not as an abundant AAPI populace and probably not much of a pre-existing environment / people to engage with so the complexities of "leave it to the people of the culture" is not entirely practical.

So with all that in mind, first thing I'd say is - as I said above - listen to Japanese voices over mine. I'm speaking largely from theoretics on what I've seen in trends in other eastern cultures and my own experiences as well as being a relatively more idealistic and open perspective.

Second thing, I would see if there is any pre-existing niches where there might be at least an AAPI center around where you live - see if there are any events or classes or something that you may realistically be able to get involved in. If there aren't any of those, consider seeing if there are any direct cultural derivatives from that to participate (as in arts, crafts, hobbies, etc) - cause in my experience, stuff like martial arts are open things to engage in and they can help you connect with people more familiar and more engaged with the genuine culture.

The main reason I say this is because - other than the risk of falling into the white savior complex - one of the largest obstacles to doing this respectfully and healthily is putting time and effort into getting around how white / western culture has already distorted your understanding of Japanese culture in ways you probably don't know about. (And this isn't only you, cause I also am 100% sure I don't see Japanese culture correctly due to white / western influences; I'm not particularly qualified to talk about it as a result; its a very hard and very long journey for any not-Japanese person to do to get as untainted, genuine, and complete understanding of the culture as possible)

One of the best ways to navigate working on that is to find people and environments that are less-tainted by white / western lenses and influences and to take a more student lens and approach to it; very much a "sit and listen and reflect and do your unpacking homework"

If none of those are available or reasonably possible due to disability and/or financial things, I would strongly recommend reaching out to Japanese communities online (reddit probably has a good community) and getting advice from them as they will have more insight and ideas than I could think up.

I will say, they might be a lot more hesitant and wary than I am, cause again - from what I've seen, I think I'm considered pretty idealistic and a bit of a dreamer when it comes to including non-AAPI people in cultures (some are even uncomfortable with married-in-white people getting involved; my bestie is married to a Chinese person and he's been derogatorily and regularly considered a 'gweilo'; ie derogatory term meaning "Westerner" / "white man" / "ghost man") so you will probably face a lot of people nay-saying it, but I would hope maybe someone shares a little of the optimism / appreciation for the vision that I do, even if it's a minority.

That said, I think if you do want to honestly go forward with this and try to do so with the most respect and healthiest lens, I think it is important that you inevitably face the amount of distrust a lot of AAPI have towards white / western involvement in their culture face on and deeply develop a very complex and nuanced understanding to your place and position in the overall roles, history, and participation in it. Cause if you do want to help and do want to be a part of it, it's important to understand where YOUR culture comes into play with all of this. Cause you aren't Japanese and you will never be Japanese, even if you were an expect PhD holding person living in Japan. Inherently you will always be the white person engaging with Japanese culture, and so its important to remember that with you, you bring your own culture into this and that is something that has to be dissected in relationship to it all.

Third, and (less important but relevant) I do not at all mean this to diss on the culture or anything, but a lot of Eastern cultures have something of bad blood towards Japan and I don't honestly know the details enough nor have the energy to Properly Get Into It in a way that won't be misread without nuance by White Piss on the Poor Tumblr, but if you don't know what or why that bad blood exists, it'd be good to try to read into it and look into non-Japanese AAPI voices about it. This isn't to say that "its a bad culture", but more so that if we are talking about seeing the history as a whole, its important to know the impacts Japan and Japanese cultures have had on related cultures which, unfortunately, Japan has been a large part of. (China, Phillipines, Korea, etc)

Overall, it'd probably be an unpopular opinion among other AAPI, but I like the vision and passion you have for it and while I'm a bit hesitant to give support because I know how many people say similar things then fail to do all the work it takes to Do It Right ((ie, I honestly haven't really seen it ever, that said I haven't put the effort into trying to see it happen ever)), if you are willing to do all the tedious and life long homework of understanding your culture, Japanese culture, the ways your and Japanese culture interact to impact your understanding of BOTH cultures, white / western history, white / western history with AAPI cultures and Japan's culture, Japan's history within overall AAPI history, etc and are willing to do your due diligence to network, get involved, and engage with less white-tainted and warped parts of the culture AND navigate a lot of the inherent (fair, earned and justified) distrust to white / western involvement in culture, then I don't think you might have some merit to the dream.

Like it's going to be a LOT of work, a life long thing of work and admittedly, you will likely never be the expert or the advocate or the person you idealistically dream to be and that sounds negative, but in Buddhist philosophy, you are never meant to actually obtain perfection and its considered near impossible to reach "true enlightenment", but we aim for it anyways because the ideal is 1) worth aiming for and 2) we do it because it is good to try and do it anyways as the ideal is not necessary to enjoy the good that genuine and good work towards the ideal.

I guess the last parting thing I'd put out is that a really helpful concept and lens I'd recommend sitting on and thinking about is one of my favorite Buddhist lines of thoughts from Shunryu Suzuki here as it might be helpful in persisting against a lot of the inherent obstacles you will face should you genuinely intend to do it right, cause you are going to probably inherently - due to being white, western and not around any actual japanese culture - "the bad horse".

In general, I think in the end, one of the things that also would be really helpful is that I mention a lot of being a student to the Japanese culture and whether or not you want to take the writing in the Zen Buddhist idea of Zen behavior or just generally keeping a very respectful and chronic student lens to any really insurmountably large and complex topic that you are inherently disadvantaged in (such as learning and respecting a culture that you have no inherent place in), I recommend giving Shunryu Suzuki's book on "The Beginner's Mind" a read / listen.

Overall, that book has helped me so much in both mental health, goal seeking, system management, and overall my perspective on people and culture beyond a simple "buddhist" lens so I really really strongly recommend it.

#alter: fei #ask #asks #actually aapi #actuallyaapi #complex ask #the beginners mind #beginners mind #feathers once again slides people the beginners mind #I SWEAR #look its mostly Riku brain that screams about that book #and the whole system just clowns on me for it #because I somehow have large passages memorized despite only listening to it once #but that book sits in my head rent free and I think about it and its concepts on a daily #and Chunn and XIV and Ray regularly have to know it to talk about it with me #its a really fucking good book other than just for the buddhist stuff #its just really good at breaking down the complexities of learning and respecting anything and just how important it is to be bad at someth #*something #its one of the best ways of learning that not only is it okay and natural to suck at things #but it is arguably preferable to suck at things and that sucking is not only OK #but literally important to being good at what you do #even at the expense of never being 'good' at what you do #and that in itself is very freeing #ANYWAYS I GOT OUT OF FEI BRAIN AND INTO RIKU BRAIN JUST #CAUSE THE BOOK IS GOOD I SWEAR TO GOD #EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ IT / LISTEN TO IT I SWEAR TO GOD #favorite book i guess #alter: riku #<- i guess

[dreamxng-forever]

(It deleted for some reason?) but @punk-rock-pixie asked me to answer all Unusual Asks so: Oh lordy Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Pandora is your room messy or clean? Generally it's kinda meh. I never put away my clothes so they're always in a pile on top of my stuffed animals what color are your eyes? A pretty chocolate brown or sometimes a dark hazel do you like your name? why? I mean yeah. Sarah is a pretty name and I don't see it being any different. Also it means princess in Hebrew so hell yeh what is your relationship status? Single and very lonely describe your personality in 3 words or less Seriously emotionally fun I guess what color hair do you have? It's dirty blonde what kind of car do you drive? color? I don't drive one but I'll have to drive a Jeep Cheeokke (the old square ones) and its white with a black hood where do you shop? Spectrum mostly how would you describe your style? My friend use to say fashionable. I don't know. Pretty disney-esk? favorite social media account Tumblr what size bed do you have? Twin any siblings? An older brother whom I miss because he's never home anymore if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Does a fantasy world count? It probably doesn't so fuck. Um, honestly Disneyland. I would live in Disneyland. It's already like my second home and it holds such a special place in my heart favorite snapchat filter? The flower crown. I love flower crowns favorite makeup brand(s) You are asking someone who knows shit about makeup how many times a week do you shower? You know what no comment because recently I've been a lazy bum and don't shower as often as I need to. But typically I shower every other day favorite tv show? Fuck Grey's Anatomy or The Walking Dead shoe size? 9/10 how tall are you? 5 feet 7 inches sandals or sneakers? Typically sandals do you go to the gym? HA describe your dream date Disneyland with a bae who is just as passionate about the park as I am and we meet all the characters and introduce ourselves as each other's Prince/princess. Then a long time sitting around in Off the Page and just being together and snuggling while watching all the concept art and listening to all the songs and we talk about stuff if we feel up to it how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? About like $10 I think what color socks are you wearing? Invisible cause I am barefooted how many pillows do you sleep with? Two but I have many stuffed animals that I snuggle with do you have a job? what do you do? I don't, but I did work at Costume Castle in October and gonna do it again. I like being on the floor and helping customers and cleaning up the isles how many friends do you have? A have a few but honestly my main group of friends there's only 3 whats the worst thing you have ever done? Injured myself even though my friends and mom begged me not to whats your favorite candle scent? Strawberry 3 favorite boy names -Dorian -Jayden -Warren 3 favorite girl names -Aria -Alice -Mari favorite actor? That's very hard for me to choose favorite actress? Scarlet Johanson who is your celebrity crush? Tom Hiddleston favorite movie? Another can't choose. There's so many categories I put into my favorites, and even then there's severals in the category. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? Not really? I use too and my favorite series was the Spooks Apprentice. But now I mainly read comics. My favorite is the Fables series money or brains? Brains are pretty tasty. But so is money do you have a nickname? what is it? Sarah-Bear, m'sis, m'wife how many times have you been to the hospital? Twice but neither for myself. First time was when I visited grandpa during chemo and second was when mom had an appendectomy top 10 favorite songs Not in any specific order; -May I by Tranding Yesterday -Legendary by The Summer Set -Beside You by Marianas Trench -Good to You by Marianas Trench -Face Down by Red Jumpsuit -Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit -Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez -Dearly Departed by Marianas Trench -Follow You by Bring Me the Horizon -Let it Burn by Red do you take any medications daily? Nope what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) Fair what is your biggest fear? Death or loosing my friends how many kids do you want? 3 has always stuck with me whats your go to hair style? Ponytail what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) It's a small condo who is your role model? I don't even know anymore what was the last compliment you received? I don't really know. Hayden and Kacie compliment me all the time what was the last text you sent? I screamed about how I found out on of my favorite characters from Fables died to @alternative-mistakes how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? What do you mean Santa isn't real? what is your dream car? One that won't kill me opinion on smoking? Hate it but pictures of people smoking are really hot? do you go to college? I refuse to go to college honestly what is your dream job? Becoming a famous author would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? Suburbs do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? No do you have freckles? I wish I did. I love freckles do you smile for pictures? Not really. I hate my smile. I always try to hide my mouth how many pictures do you have on your phone? 14 because I can't keep photos since I have no storage have you ever peed in the woods? Yes and I almost pissed all over myself do you still watch cartoons? Of course do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? Wendy's Favorite dipping sauce? Ranch what do you wear to bed? Nightgown or a shirt and undies have you ever won a spelling bee? How does one spell what are your hobbies? Writing or playing video games can you draw? Not well do you play an instrument? I want to learn guitar what was the last concert you saw? Panic! At the Disco with Brittany tea or coffee? Neither Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks do you want to get married? Kinda. I don't know. I'll find out when I get there what is your crush’s first and last initial? P & P are you going to change your last name when you get married? Maybe. Probably. I hated the name 'Dye' for such a long time and wanted nothing more than to change it. Now I don't even know what color looks best on you? Purple in my opinion do you miss anyone right now? I miss Hayden and Britt and Kacie tbh. But there's two others who I miss so much more...I just want them back... do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed do you believe in ghosts? Yes what is your biggest pet peeve? Walking really slow or stopping in the middle of the path last person you called` My mom favorite ice cream flavor? Wild and Reckless Sherbert regular oreos or golden oreos? Regular chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow sprinkles what shirt are you wearing? It's a Beauty and the Beast nightgown what is your phone background? My lockscreen is Sora and Riku from Kingdom Hearts and my home screen is Peter Pan are you outgoing or shy? Fucking shy. Except at Disneyland I seem more outgoing do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes. Very much yes do you like your neighbors? I use too when @exclamation-point lived next to me. Now I don't even know my neighbors do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? I don't ever take care of my body have you ever been high? No have you ever been drunk? I want to be last thing you ate? Disneyland fudge favorite lyrics right now “Every masterpiece I'd write again You'll always be my porcelain I crossed my heart But I stuttered too So truth or dare Was I good to you Haven't had enough of you all to myself Still right beside you In sickness and health For ever after You will be my home And there's no place like home” summer or winter? Honestly neither. Spring. day or night? I feel more scared in the dark, but I like the dark more dark, milk, or white chocolate? Milk chocolate favorite month? April what is your zodiac sign Aries who was the last person you cried in front of? My mom I think. I had a very bad emotional breakdown because I felt like a burden to my friends. It was a very bad time but my mom wouldn't let me runaway so she comfroted me while I broke down