#and the whole system just clowns on me for it

[system-of-a-feather]

Hiya! Umm... I saw your long AAPI/cultural appropriation essay, and you seem to know what you're talking about. Way more than I do.

I'm in a tricky spot and I don't know what to do about it. (I know you may not be the right person but I don't know who else to ask)

So. I'm a traumagenic system. I was lonely, and anime was there for me. I have introjects, sure. But we're polyfrag and it's fuzzy, and for the whole system it feels more than just a source media thing.

We grew up DREAMING about Japan. We studied japanese and tried to sing the original lyrics of songs and search up their meanings as a kid. I'd sometimes try to make english versions of them. Not to hide the original, but because my family couldn't understand the beauty I saw. And I felt such a connection to it...

Now I'm rambling... 😅

I've always wanted to teach Japanese, to use Japanese every day in my life. When I wrote stories I would go search through all the Japanese to english dictionaries and search for the perfect name with the perfect meaning. I thought all the names were gorgeous and appreciated how special they were.

I try and bring Japanese culture into my life every day, even. I listen to Japanese idol groups and pop. I'm still trying to learn japanese, and further more I want to teach it to my community, to create a place where we can come together and learn this language together, as a small country community. To learn and embrace some of their cultures and try new things along the way.

I know that I am not Japanese. I don't want to appropriate them. But I find them so... or not them. But the language and culture and almost everything I find out has me entranced and wanting to learn more. It almost feels like my purpose, or a huge part of my life. My goal. My mission.

I live on the disability pension. I will probably never see Japan in person, and I've heard disability is frowned upon there anyway, to some degree. I don't know if I could even live there, especially if my workability was low. I'm not so young anymore. Even then there are stories of all the people who aim for their dreams and don't make it there. So I dropped it from my cards. I decided if I couldn't do it there... maybe I could do it where I am.

If I'm culturally appropriating Japan and it's cultures I'm happy to give them all the credit. I'm proud of where I found what I have. I adore it and would lift it up any day. But I also adore what I'm doing, what I'm bringing to life. I'm making some Japanese-Aussie vibe culture hybrid or something. I don't know!

But I wouldn't give it up for anyone. If a Japanese person asked me too... I'd prefer to start life over in Japan with no money or resources to my name. I'd probably prefer to live their homeless. I couldn't organise it myself. But I'd take a harsher punishment rather than let it go. I'd prefer to embrace it entirely than ever give it up.

But people online keep saying that nobody should use the names, the language, the cultures... I don't know what to do. I... don't have an answer.

I don't want to be for something so harmful. But I've posted about how names are beyond something that could be taken away. I've disagreed with people of colour about Japanese examples. I've never met a truly Japanese people, beyond watching lessons and shows and blogs and cultural breakdowns. I don't know what they'd say. I've heard that Japanese people praise other cultures for trying to learn their language, from articles online detailing what foreigners should expect. But I know Japan is big on honour culture, so they might just think it and not say their true thoughts to be polite.

Idk what to do!! I want to uplift everyone around me. To build villages for people who I come in contact with. To create openness and to be respectful and create fond memories. I don't want to go down as someone oppressive. But I want to go down as me.

I have no Japanese heritage, no japanese blood or family. I have no rights except for years with nothing else.

I know the answer some people would give is to embrace my own culture. But well... Aussie culture is sort of memes and culture-mix-soup. Beyond white man capitalism and conquering and the white people bible. Aussie culture is "it's hot here and we're like smart, funky, weird sounding bogans". I sort of want more than that.

I want to preserve their (Japans) culture how I found it, if I can. If I accidentally tamper with it, I want to say that, to let it be known. But I like how it is too mostly.

There are some negatives to it too, I know. Like, LGBT rights in Japan, the mental illness stuff, and more. But I'm not willing to leave because of those bad things.

Sometimes moving forward means taking aspects of different places and furthering them together to make something new. Is that cultural appropriation? Will I get in trouble for doing that? And how can I progress it/myself, how can I aspire and dream of a better world if all the jigzaw blocks are forced down to the table and unmovable. What do I do?

I don't understand it. And I don't know what to do about it.

Help.

(sorry it is so long. Sorry 😅😥)

Reading this back, I feel like the indignant child. "I don't want the other one, I want that one." Is that bad? Idk.

I'll just leave this here. What is your take? What do you& think?

Yeah thats a complex situation that I don't really have any kneejerk direct opinions on it towards. I might actually leave this in my drafts for a bit to think about it some cause theres a multi-dimensional aspect to it and a lot to consider that even I don't think I'm entirely all that knowledgable to comment on

(Especially regarding Japanese culture as I am Not Japanese and while there are similar dynamics in how western / white perspectives influence it, the dynamics are different and the histories are different; additionally, of a lot of the 'main big' Asian groups, Japanese is honestly the one I've had some of the least engagement with as the places I've lived have been heavily Vietnamese, Thai, Chinese, and Korean; we have a couple Japanese marketplaces near but beyond community, I don't have too much personal insight into the intricracies of Japanese culture and their opinions on these matters, so do understand ANYTHING from this post is coming from a Indo-Chinese perspective and anything I say on this topic, is to be taken second / less than any Japanese person that might want to key in on it as well)

I do have to say - from what I can tell from this ask alone (which is not necessarily a best sample, a lot of judgement of respect is best seen in Action and not words which asks are limited to) - I do have to say I really think you have a good intent and a better understanding / concern to the complexities of things than a lot of people I've seen who "really like Japan and Japanese culture" so in my more optimistic, generally wanting-to-give-best-faith and progressive culture-sharing perspective, I would like to encourage the dream and intent cause I think the vision is really great and amazing honestly.

The issue I have is that the practical application is pragmatically difficult and a bit uneasy because, as much as I think you have a lot of good intent and probably more than the average person, you aren't the first nor last white person who found themselves enamored and emotionally bonded with an Eastern Culture and with a full heart and chest wanted to help preserve and care for the culture. I don't say it in a means to be accusatory or aggressive, but more so a thing to be cautious if you want to try both holding your dreams and joys in the most respectful manner - but the rhetoric does sound a bit white savior / white knight adjacent. That is just to say that it's important to remember that, in the end of the day, Japanese people don't need you (a white person) to advocate for them or to save them and the culture doesn't need you to spread or preserve it for them.

I don't like to say it because I think with a lot of caution, respect, and passion, people who really love something can do a lot of good in the world; but (and I don't know if this is the case or just my past experience with white people who want to help Eastern cultures making be a bit cautious) inherently if there is any part of you that feels as though you will be a hero or leader in any way or form towards the Japanese / Japanese culture, I think one of the first things you'd need to make sure you do is to toss that dream of heroics out and take a massively more "follower" and "aid" mindset out.

In the end of the day, if you want to help any eastern culture be preserved and what not, its important that you - someone who has never been raised or lived the life - are never the end point of people reaching to it; the best place your role would and should be is a means of connection and resource provision, because in the end of the day, you are going to always be a student compared to those that have lived their life in the environment

With that in mind, I am a person who really likes the idea of healthy and productive sharing of cultures and respectful interactions between them and I also know that in some places - which I assume Australia might be as well - there is not as an abundant AAPI populace and probably not much of a pre-existing environment / people to engage with so the complexities of "leave it to the people of the culture" is not entirely practical.

So with all that in mind, first thing I'd say is - as I said above - listen to Japanese voices over mine. I'm speaking largely from theoretics on what I've seen in trends in other eastern cultures and my own experiences as well as being a relatively more idealistic and open perspective.

Second thing, I would see if there is any pre-existing niches where there might be at least an AAPI center around where you live - see if there are any events or classes or something that you may realistically be able to get involved in. If there aren't any of those, consider seeing if there are any direct cultural derivatives from that to participate (as in arts, crafts, hobbies, etc) - cause in my experience, stuff like martial arts are open things to engage in and they can help you connect with people more familiar and more engaged with the genuine culture.

The main reason I say this is because - other than the risk of falling into the white savior complex - one of the largest obstacles to doing this respectfully and healthily is putting time and effort into getting around how white / western culture has already distorted your understanding of Japanese culture in ways you probably don't know about. (And this isn't only you, cause I also am 100% sure I don't see Japanese culture correctly due to white / western influences; I'm not particularly qualified to talk about it as a result; its a very hard and very long journey for any not-Japanese person to do to get as untainted, genuine, and complete understanding of the culture as possible)

One of the best ways to navigate working on that is to find people and environments that are less-tainted by white / western lenses and influences and to take a more student lens and approach to it; very much a "sit and listen and reflect and do your unpacking homework"

If none of those are available or reasonably possible due to disability and/or financial things, I would strongly recommend reaching out to Japanese communities online (reddit probably has a good community) and getting advice from them as they will have more insight and ideas than I could think up.

I will say, they might be a lot more hesitant and wary than I am, cause again - from what I've seen, I think I'm considered pretty idealistic and a bit of a dreamer when it comes to including non-AAPI people in cultures (some are even uncomfortable with married-in-white people getting involved; my bestie is married to a Chinese person and he's been derogatorily and regularly considered a 'gweilo'; ie derogatory term meaning "Westerner" / "white man" / "ghost man") so you will probably face a lot of people nay-saying it, but I would hope maybe someone shares a little of the optimism / appreciation for the vision that I do, even if it's a minority.

That said, I think if you do want to honestly go forward with this and try to do so with the most respect and healthiest lens, I think it is important that you inevitably face the amount of distrust a lot of AAPI have towards white / western involvement in their culture face on and deeply develop a very complex and nuanced understanding to your place and position in the overall roles, history, and participation in it. Cause if you do want to help and do want to be a part of it, it's important to understand where YOUR culture comes into play with all of this. Cause you aren't Japanese and you will never be Japanese, even if you were an expect PhD holding person living in Japan. Inherently you will always be the white person engaging with Japanese culture, and so its important to remember that with you, you bring your own culture into this and that is something that has to be dissected in relationship to it all.

Third, and (less important but relevant) I do not at all mean this to diss on the culture or anything, but a lot of Eastern cultures have something of bad blood towards Japan and I don't honestly know the details enough nor have the energy to Properly Get Into It in a way that won't be misread without nuance by White Piss on the Poor Tumblr, but if you don't know what or why that bad blood exists, it'd be good to try to read into it and look into non-Japanese AAPI voices about it. This isn't to say that "its a bad culture", but more so that if we are talking about seeing the history as a whole, its important to know the impacts Japan and Japanese cultures have had on related cultures which, unfortunately, Japan has been a large part of. (China, Phillipines, Korea, etc)

Overall, it'd probably be an unpopular opinion among other AAPI, but I like the vision and passion you have for it and while I'm a bit hesitant to give support because I know how many people say similar things then fail to do all the work it takes to Do It Right ((ie, I honestly haven't really seen it ever, that said I haven't put the effort into trying to see it happen ever)), if you are willing to do all the tedious and life long homework of understanding your culture, Japanese culture, the ways your and Japanese culture interact to impact your understanding of BOTH cultures, white / western history, white / western history with AAPI cultures and Japan's culture, Japan's history within overall AAPI history, etc and are willing to do your due diligence to network, get involved, and engage with less white-tainted and warped parts of the culture AND navigate a lot of the inherent (fair, earned and justified) distrust to white / western involvement in culture, then I don't think you might have some merit to the dream.

Like it's going to be a LOT of work, a life long thing of work and admittedly, you will likely never be the expert or the advocate or the person you idealistically dream to be and that sounds negative, but in Buddhist philosophy, you are never meant to actually obtain perfection and its considered near impossible to reach "true enlightenment", but we aim for it anyways because the ideal is 1) worth aiming for and 2) we do it because it is good to try and do it anyways as the ideal is not necessary to enjoy the good that genuine and good work towards the ideal.

I guess the last parting thing I'd put out is that a really helpful concept and lens I'd recommend sitting on and thinking about is one of my favorite Buddhist lines of thoughts from Shunryu Suzuki here as it might be helpful in persisting against a lot of the inherent obstacles you will face should you genuinely intend to do it right, cause you are going to probably inherently - due to being white, western and not around any actual japanese culture - "the bad horse".

In general, I think in the end, one of the things that also would be really helpful is that I mention a lot of being a student to the Japanese culture and whether or not you want to take the writing in the Zen Buddhist idea of Zen behavior or just generally keeping a very respectful and chronic student lens to any really insurmountably large and complex topic that you are inherently disadvantaged in (such as learning and respecting a culture that you have no inherent place in), I recommend giving Shunryu Suzuki's book on "The Beginner's Mind" a read / listen.

Overall, that book has helped me so much in both mental health, goal seeking, system management, and overall my perspective on people and culture beyond a simple "buddhist" lens so I really really strongly recommend it.

#alter: fei #ask #asks #actually aapi #actuallyaapi #complex ask #the beginners mind #beginners mind #feathers once again slides people the beginners mind #I SWEAR #look its mostly Riku brain that screams about that book #and the whole system just clowns on me for it #because I somehow have large passages memorized despite only listening to it once #but that book sits in my head rent free and I think about it and its concepts on a daily #and Chunn and XIV and Ray regularly have to know it to talk about it with me #its a really fucking good book other than just for the buddhist stuff #its just really good at breaking down the complexities of learning and respecting anything and just how important it is to be bad at someth #*something #its one of the best ways of learning that not only is it okay and natural to suck at things #but it is arguably preferable to suck at things and that sucking is not only OK #but literally important to being good at what you do #even at the expense of never being 'good' at what you do #and that in itself is very freeing #ANYWAYS I GOT OUT OF FEI BRAIN AND INTO RIKU BRAIN JUST #CAUSE THE BOOK IS GOOD I SWEAR TO GOD #EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ IT / LISTEN TO IT I SWEAR TO GOD #favorite book i guess #alter: riku #<- i guess

[hussyknee]

I saw someone saying that 2012–2017 felt a lot longer than 2017–2022 and holy fuck they're right.

Probably because 2020–2022 has felt like one long never-ending year and it's still not over.

#i am so tired #want the sweet release of death #it's not just that. all of our support systems have broken down completely by now #for Sri Lankans it started in 2019 with the Easter Sunday bomb blasts that took out 3 major hotels and 3 churches #then covid in 2020–2021 #the economic crisis building at the end of 2021 #the protests consuming the whole country between February–July #then everything going to shit with Ranil's clown government #I went suicidal three times this year and only nursing Garfield saved me #and then he died and Ive been in a fugue for the last month and a half #nothing matters and everything feels futile #oh yeah you guys only got rid of Trump at the end of 2020 #It feels like 4 years already lol #wtf news #knee of huss

[meteortrails]

my epidemiology class ends tomorrow, and my MCAT is on august 4th, and we all know what that means!! time to study for LITERALLY TEN HOURS A DAY. FOR THE NEXT MONTH AND A HALF. I’m gonna die but also I’m fine but also it’s SO over. I’ll be ok there’s no way I’m getting below a 515 if I’m studying even a little every day but I WANT a 520. I need it in my soul. if I get a 520 on this one I think I might be able to pull out a 525 by next summer, which would be honestly kinda gamechanging!! and also I want it so fucking bad!!!!!

#terrified of success and work but you know what I’m not scared of? standardized testing. she wants me dead but i love her so <3 #don’t get me wrong standardized testing is meaningless and fundementally just enforces racial and class differences in the education system #I’m good at it so it’s all that’s holding my academic career together. but it’s straight clown shoes the whole way down

[lifeaspect]

skimmed a classpecting discord and got SO MAD

this is why classpecting is a one person sport

#i have many opinions i have been doing this for 10 years and NO i will not talk to you about it #because you are stupid #stupid and dumb #classpecting #i was just about to remake my classpecting blog when i remembered why i dont post any of my theories anymore #i have a whole system of classpect planets!! #and god tier activities!! #i have classpected every single major dragon age character in all games! #but why should i share this information when the pioneers of the community dont care about things like unbiased analysis #and half of what they say is based on homestuck 2 & epilogues?! which is not canon! it is literally the premise of those stories #ok part of me is just mad because they said the life aspect is the aspect of TRADITION & PATRIARCHY???? #what in the everloving fuck are you talking about #i know why theyre saying that and its inaccurate to homestuck CANON especially when you take classes into consideration #WHICH youre supposed to!! but they're still saying clowns are the rage aspect so i dont think there's HOPE for them #bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch #but i always get like this about classpecting because it is so near and dear to my heart #also life is growth and domination #which as all aspects is morally neutral #it depends on how it is used

[spaghettioverdose]

If you are usamerican and someone gets frustrated that usamericans have no clue about most of the major atrocities their country committed, and you feel attacked, you can at any point just google it and shut up.

Yeah ok, someone brought to your attention that you should've known this shit and you didn't. You're probably a bit upset, a bit ashamed, a bit guilty, you probably feel a bit attacked. That's fine. You can just think "Oh I probably should've made an effort to know about things like this if I am to consider myself progressive or leftist. I could simply google it or I could ask OP to give some recommended reading on the subject. I am going to educate myself and move on." or you can at least simply recognise that at the end of the day you don't really care and move on. You do not have to go "you don't understand how bad the us education system is, they don't teach you how to wipe your ass in school!! also I'm literally neurodivergent which means I am incapable of taking my eyes off of fandom for the 5 whole minutes it would take for me to at least read one article about this."

Why do you feel the need to endlessly be the victim? Why do you have to act like a clown? If you didn't know, you can just recognise that you probably should've known, take the L, educate yourself and move on.

Do you think there's many countries that mention their atrocities in their history lessons? Do you think many countries talk about US history and atrocities other than the ones that experience said atrocities? And yet people still fucking know.

This information hasn't even been suppressed in decades but it apparently doesn't need to be since most of the US population isn't bothered enough to look it up, and when someone is frustrated with you about that fact, you'd rather double down and throw a tantrum than educate yourselves.

You cannot tell me you want anything progressive or left or even socialist and yet you vocally refuse to do the barest fucking minimum of effort to know anything about the fucking country you live in or the role it has geopolitically.

[rorah]

The mentally stable Dimitri Fire emblem 3 hopes.

It surprises me that there's still ppl claiming so, but then I remember we're talking about 3h interpretations and I have to make peace with it.

But that doesn't stop me from venting a little bit in this little space I have lol. Actually, it dries me and makes me feel bad to bring this up because I will have to talk bad about Dedue, and I don't want to talk Bad about Dedue. He's a genuinely good boy. But "Human" nonetheless, which means Flaws. I like Felix too but he's become some sort of a clown that doesn't make me feel too bad. I like Felix tho, In a different way.

Mostly talking about these two because the take that "Dimitri has better support system" baffles me because, technically, these two are his support system in HopesVerse. The persons who Dimitri relays on and seek solace/advice/support. The rest doesn't really tackle any of his personal struggles (aside from the Mage!Mitri frustrated dream, but that's out of the bad equation in our 'mentally unwell' set of pixels, and Shez only has a glimpse). Contrary, to Houses verse where the whole blue lions cast knew about his shit, didn't know what to do, but didn't leave either.

I tackled this topic with other person on Twitter who was (or still is) on board with this take and the phrase they used was They contained him better, which of course I agree and remarked that was exactly the problem. Contain him is gonna be contra productive. I used a water dam analogy, where the structure of such dam is damaged, and the pressure of water keeps accumulating. Causing a foreseeable damage for the dam itself and the surroundings. You don't need to be a genius to understand it, you need experience or knowledge for mental ill topics tho.

I really don't want to extend so much on here because it's mostly just, rant format more than a proper analysis so I just want to point out these two things in their support conversations.

First, Dedue. Encourage him to keep on the vengeful path. Which we know was the final goal of Azure Moon and if you payed attention to 3 houses message. The whole Vengeful argument was something Bad, to keep it simple. Despite Dimitri actively looking for answers/guidance for something that, in a rational state he can see clearly like vengeance will consume his life (also Shez and Felix called out this behavior). Dedue answer only encourage him to keep on that path, because he would do that 💔. Presenting 2 oposite views is a great formula for confusion and disorientation. Now, Dedue's role is primary SUPPORT, not guidance nor orientation. He will support his shit no matter what, and we are quite aware of that if played Houses.

Second, Felix. Felix is a special case. He is smart but also an idiot lacks A LOT of soft skills to actually be of help. He's the only one who knows in this verse about Dimitri having a mental issue. In their A support to say the least, so they don't close or solve anything. What makes it more worrisome is the fact that Felix conceals the issue as a secret.

"So try to keep that whole "removing their heads" thing in check, yeah? We can just call it our little secret."

this extract here makes me feel so unwell 😭help

The whole burden falls over him and his lack of skills and wisdom on the matter will be too much for him later on. He at least, will be able to recognize that the problem is beyond of his capabilities and will look for help. Felix himself has his own issues and journey where he needs to learn. He's forced to get pass beyond some of his angry teen behavior but hasn't completely get over it.

There is a lot more to tackle, but that requires more work and time. What are the topics some of you think is important to cover around understanding the Hopes verse resolution? Dimitri's route? something? Do you think the route without Byleth is better? With that being said, I would like to delve deeper into character analysis, and the role each played for the Lords too. That also requires to talk about the Byleth and needs a whole analysis on their own, which requires time (which i don't have much lol) To end this vent, I would like to encourage people to do a little research for the terminology they're using like "Support System". Who makes it up and how it operates successfully. The fact that ppl saying "he has better support system" only because he didn't go feral on the run alone is not entirely valid. A reminder that people can feel alone with or without people around them. And containing the issue within doesn't solve any problem. At best, it's presented later. At worse, it gets worse.

#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #my lil blorbo with mental health issues #few3hopes #fire emblem warriors 3 hopes #Today I woke up and felt like venting #BUT Just to make myself clear #this has nothing to do with ships #you can ship whatever you want #You do you #Just in case someone has that feeling #This is an analysis from a mental health point of view #because it is one of the strong points of this character and with which many of us connect/relate #So I like to apply psychological and neurological (even psychiatric if necessary) perspectives #And I like to apply realistic theories to this fictional world because that is the good thing about three-dimensional characters #They feel so human that all these hypotheses can be applied #If some of you don't. That's cool too. You do you #Enjoy the game as you please lil fella #ALSO ALSO I'm taking into account what the intention of the developers was #(that would be tricky considering the inconsistency withing the developers' team >___>)

[its-your-mind]

alright fuck this I’m making a TIMELINE. and a FACT SHEET. it will not be in order. Nor will it actually track dates really. Mostly it’s going to contain the seeds of my theories. I’m red stringing this Shit via tumblr post on mobile.

TIMELINE:

Magnus Institute fire: 1999

Windows NT 4.0 (the Windows NT that was the commercial predecessor to Windows 95) was released to retail in 1996 (with the final version released in 2001) so Freddy has been creeping around the web since around the time the Institute burned down

Jon, Martin, and probable Jonah Norris, Chester, and Augustus started actively reading roughly 1/30 statements entries out loud ~a year ago, according to Alice

Statements Entries so far are dated to May 2022, and it’s implied that Freddy collects them more or less as they appear, so as far as rough estimates for when tmp is set, it’s nowish, or just a bit earlier than now (similar to how tma was)

My kingdom for an ARG player who can hook me up with the founding date of the OIAR and the dates on those Magnus Institute records, just cuz I’m curious

SHIT WE KNOW:

Jonah Magnus exist(s/ed) in SOME form in this world, and built an institution designed to research the paranormal. That institution burned down and cleared of all records. Unclear exactly when the clearing happened.

The voices in the computer are the same as Martin Blackwood’s and Jonathan Sims’s

The OIAR has a department (this one) dedicated entirely to sorting weird shit scraped from online with an obsessive specificity

Everyone who works in this department wasn’t forced to be here and isn’t forced to stay, but all of them do have something that guided them to this position and is keeping them here

There is supernatural shit happening here in this world right now

Annabelle Cane said that the rift under Hilltop Road was a rift in reality - time, space, dimensions

She also said that the Fears would be following the voices that were woven into the web made of the tapes

In the TMA-verse, the Fears had a penchant for spreading themselves around via books (and then someone stupid idiot motherfucking dusty ass book collecting rat old bastard avatar of the whore biggest clown in the circus cowboy— starting slapping a label on em

SHIT THAT IS STILL A ???:

Did the fears exist in this world for an extended period of time, or have they only recently appeared? All the dates we have for statements entries are recent, but there was at the very least some FUCKED UP SHIT happening before the jmart+Jimmy Magma squad popped up

Did Robert Smirk build batshit crazy buildings and also a panopticon under London?

Was Magnus fear-aligned? Was the Institute? Or was it just a place for fucked up research?

Are there alternate-reality versions of any beloved TMA recurring cast members running about?

Was the og TMA world the place where the Fears started? Or had they already spread?

How far have they made it at this point? Is this the first new world post-archives-crew? Or are we several down the chain?

COLLECTION OF FACTS INTO BATSHIT THEORIES:

The Fears have been Updated for the Twentieth (not twenty-first, rip to Colin) Century and now they have infused themselves into computer systems via Jon’s tapes letting them encode themselves in a new and fun way (I am not 100% sure how tapes work besides magnets somehow, but I DO know that early computers used them for data tracking, which makes enough dream-logic sense for me) and are thus able to hack themselves into forum posts and also spy on the whole world via one (1) government computer system

Panopticon screenshot happened in March 2021. First two statements are May 2022. Alice said the voices started showing up about a year ago. So even if the Fears were already here, JMart are here now once more to lend their voices to the verbal record of Fear

Speaking of the Fears already being here. If the Rift was also for Time, I’m sure the Web could have figured out a way to drag the Squad back along the timeline while somehow leaving jmart behind

OIAR is EITHER. The Fears (Web specifically) preparing a perfect funnel-spider web trap for JMart when they did show up (oh voices? tapes? telling fear stories? here you go motherfuckers) or someone’s Leitner/Smirk/Magnus-ass attempt to wrangle all the trauma under one roof. Either way I’m p sure it is Web-ish-aligned, if the Fears even exist in this world in the way we’re used to seeing them

If we’ve got two grown up paranormal guinea pigs, AND a bouchard running around, and all of them are here because of Some Sort Of Reason, and are Still Here Even Though They Could Leave, I assume everyone else is too. I wonder if they all have some tie to this world’s Institute, or if they’ve all had encounters, or were selected based on their compatibility with the OIAR’s aims

Speaking of which

WHAT IS THE OIAR? Cuz this part of it is clearly kinda similar to the Archives in terms of collecting and sorting statements. Is there more of it? What do those people do? Do they use these sorted entries somehow? Also why tf do they have do work overnight????

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tma spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #the web #tmagp meta #tmagp speculation #tmagp theory #OIAR #everyone start yelling back at me I am THRIVING I have needed something to throw my conspiracy theory energy at

[universallywriting]

I'm really surprised at how many people are taking away from Derision that the thing that ruined Marinette was Kim's prank. Because it wasn't about Kim - it was about Chloe.

The reason why we have so much flashback in this episode is to show that Chloe was making Marinette's life hell every day. Marinette is afraid to go to school because of Chloe. Marinette is nervous to open her locker because of Chloe. Marinette is late to class and gets in trouble because of Chloe, because Chloe is relentlessly harassing her.

This isn't even just implied. There's a whole conversation in which we see that many people like Marinette and she has friends she sits with at lunch because the cafeteria is the one place that Chloe isn't ruining her life, and Chloe immediately shows up and tells Marinette that the last safe space she has in the school isn't going to be safe anymore.

Then Chloe proves that she's right! She manipulated Kim to mess with Marinette outside of school, and Chloe is right there to take a picture. That's the point. That's why Marinette says that "above all I'll make sure they aren't friends with Chloe". She knows exactly what's happening because it's been happening to Marinette for years. Chloe chose Marinette as her favorite person to bully and did not let up on her for multiple years, and by the end of the last year of middle school it had reached the point that Marinette couldn't even count on her life outside of class to not be under Chloe's attack.

It's not paranoia either! Chloe has gotten people fired! Chloe worked specifically to give Marinette a reputation at the school of being a bad kid - one who doesn't come to class on time, who is clowning around and taking up everyone's attention, who is consistently blaming Chloe for all her problems as consistently as Chloe as bullying her. Socqueline is literally expelled for standing up to Chloe, which means every time they've threatened to expel Marinette for the same she's right to be afraid!

As an adult who has worked in the school system, this is painfully real. I saw so many kids who would consistently get in trouble despite the fact that they were the ones being bullied. It happened to me when I was a kid in middle school and high school because I was the weird kid with ADHD who couldn't sit still. It doesn't take much for a kid to get a reputation, and for teachers to spread around and share that some kids shouldn't ever be believed or listened to.

The episode explains that Marinette knows the system will not help her. Marinette has reached out for help and been called a liar for years. She's looked to her fellow students for help and found them all silent. She has been attacked by people with wealth and power because they don't think she's high class enough to be in their presence.

Why do people believe Lila? Why do people ignore Marinette? Why is she consistently paranoid about being hurt, about thinking other people are trying to deceive her? Why is Marinette terrified of relying on anyone other than herself?

Because Chloe bullied her for years, destroyed her school career, and convinced her first crush to pretend to be into her as a joke just so they could post it on social media. And that whole time, there was one person who stood up for her, and it ended with that person being expelled from school.

Trauma isn't always just one incident. Sometimes it's years of a pattern of behavior that informs the way you see the world, and it makes the people around you think that you're crazy and paranoid and that you're always seeing dangers that aren't there.

If you want to hate on the show or hate on Marinette, fine, but don't belittle how much this sucks. This is a real thing that real kids experience all the time. This is what bullying actually looks like, the consistent neverending drip of misery that convinces people that safety is an impossible dream.

It wasn't one bad proposal. It was a pattern of systemic abuse and neglect for years.

#miraculous spoilers #miraculous ladybug #miraculous meta #derision spoilers

[berberriescorner]

"Are You Listening?"

Part Two: "The Breakdown"

Characters: Rio x Black!Reader.

Summary: It's part two, so I’m not tellin’🙈😏!

Warnings: You’re about to experience a plethora of emotions. Profanity, you all know I got a mouthpiece on me, especially when I’m passionate 😂. There is a brief mention of fertility troubles.

Word Count: 5,000+.

A/N: I just wanted to thank my lovelies again for showing this story so much love. I had no idea people would love it this much. Thank you for all the sweet, hilarious comments and asks💓. I hope you all enjoy the roller coaster you’re about to take a ride on 😂😏😈.

Read Part One Here.

Inspired By:

“Listen, no more talkin’. That clown had enough time to come up with all of it. Find his ass, let him know all my money better be ready by the close of business tomorrow. If not, he’ll be a dead man walking.”

Mick took his orders and turned to leave. Rio stopped him before he could turn the knob on his office door. 

“Take those other two useless idiots with you. Everybody else can get back to work. I’m not paying them to stand around looking stupid,” Rio snapped.

Waiting for Mick to leave, he swaggered back to his chair. He plopped down, plucking his glass off the table, gulping the amber-colored liquid. Rio was on his third drink of the night. Slamming the empty whiskey tumbler on his desk, he leaned his head back, running his hand down his face. Alone in his office, wallowing in self-pity. Rio stared at his phone as he contemplated sending another text or calling you again. Thinking about how you had left him on read and sent him to voicemail was eating at him.

“Can’t Keep On Loving You One Foot Outside The Door.”

-Brandy.

Glancing at his iPhone, he mumbled, “fuck it.” Snatching up the cell phone, he tried your number. Ringing twice, it went straight to voicemail. With the sound of the beep, he pleaded his case.

“Come on, ma. Answer my call. Y/N, hear me out. You got this all wrong. Please talk to me.  I’m worried about you, baby. I need to know you’re safe. Call me back.”

“Can’t Keep On Trying If You’re Looking For More.”

-Brandy.

He’d started to tell you that he missed and loved you. The thought quickly pushed out of his mind. He closed off his feelings and left the message as is. Ending the call, Rio Tossed the phone down, making his way to the liquor cabinet. Pouring another drink, he made his way back to his seat. Elbows propped on the oak desk, Rio placed his head in his hands. Trying to rub the stress and tension away, he massaged his temples as the last conversation between you two replayed in his mind.

Four Days Ago

Rio had called your phone twice, but it went unanswered. He figured he had stayed out too late, and you had turned in for the night. His mind kept replaying images of him taking you apart. In all honesty, he was hoping that he could wake you once he made it home. Rio was in the mood for another round. He had been missing the feeling of you, tightly wrapped around him. He mentally cursed himself for being so busy that both of your needs had gone unsatisfied for so long. Taking a break just hadn't been in the cards lately. All his rivals had been itching to take over his business. One wrong move and everything he worked so hard for could be gone. They were starting to play dirty, going as far as to try and harm you. He had spent the past several months sending warnings throughout other territories. The warning? Touch my wife, and I’ll make your whole family feel it. He brushed all that from his mind as he pulled into the driveway. Having been up for nearly two days, Rio didn’t bother parking in the garage. All he wanted to do was shower and lay up under you.

“Every Time You Build Me Up, You Only Let Me Down.”

-Brandy.

Entering the house, he quickly keyed the code into the security system. He noticed that there were still dishes on the dining room floor. Flipping the lights on, he strolled into the kitchen to retrieve a broom and dustpan from the pantry. An envelope lying atop the counter caught his eye.

“I left a note in the hallway. By the time you read it, I’ll be far away.”

-Beyoncé.

“Christopher” was written in bold letters in your handwriting. The words “Hope it was worth it” were printed underneath. Next to it, we’re your engagement ring and wedding band. Rio's eyebrows furrowed, and it felt like his heart stopped beating. He convinced himself that this had to be some kind of joke. He snatched the envelope from the marbled countertop, spinning on heels. He made his way through the house and bolted up the stairs, climbing them two at a time. He froze halfway in the middle of the hallway leading to your bedroom. With the door wide open, he could see broken glass on the floor. He forced himself to make the rest of the journey. Rio entered the room. Hangers were strewn all over the place. Your drawers were left open, and the comforter was slung backward on the king-sized bed.

“What the fuck?”

He knew you weren’t there, but Rio called out for you, hoping he was wrong.

“Y/N?”

Left unanswered, he stepped over all the broken picture frames that once housed your wedding photos. All those memories were mixed in the broken glass on the floor. Dropping down onto the foot of the bed, he instructed Alexa to turn on the remaining lights. Ripping open the Manila envelope, he pulled out several large print photos and a note. His eyes scanned the message.

“Almost Convinced Me Your Gonna Stick Around, But Everybody Knows Almost Doesn’t Count.”

-Brandy.

“May you regret every single fucking time you decided to play with my heart. I must say, I have to applaud you for such a great performance. Here a bitch thought you were committed and holding me down. Come to find out, you been lying this whole time. It was all just a great fucking performance. Why not lie and pretend? You were living it up, having your cake and eating it too. Congratulations, by the way. Tell red she might want to keep her day job. I plan to empty your fucking pockets before the ink can dry on the divorce papers. I never wanted to be this kind of woman. Since you want to play with my heart, I’m going to play with the thing that matters most to you, money. I hope you liked the photos. They sure did shock the fuck out of me. They're the only thing saving you and your bitch from getting lit up like a damn Christmas tree. Haven’t I always told you not to play with me? Bitch, I am not one of them dusty ass hoes you used to fuck with.”

-your heartbroken, savage, and soon-to-be ex-wife.

Rio sat there with anger and confusion written on his face. What the fuck is going on? He thought to himself. Rio tossed the note aside and snatched up the photos you mentioned. His face fell, and it became clear why you left in the middle of the night. You had printed out copies of the text and photos you received earlier that night. He couldn’t make out whose number it was. There was no way you were sticking around after seeing these.

“Fuck,” he shouted, flinging the photos across the room. He bent forward, resting his elbows on his lap. His hands crossed and settled under his chin as he sat there furious.

“How the fuck…who the fuck?” Quickly realizing who might be capable of sending you such bullshit, he growled, “I’ma kill this bitch. Better count her fucking days. As if I didn’t have enough reason to take her out already.”

Rio dug his cell out of his pocket and frantically dialed your number. His calls went to voicemail several times before you finally gave in and answered.

“What, Rio,” you barked.

“Where are you? Come home so we can talk-.”

“Talk? Now you want to talk? Fuck that and fuck you, Rio,” you retorted as your voice started to crack.

His heart ached to hear the pain in your voice. He sensed that you had been crying.

“Y/N, please. You don’t understand. Please, ma. Come back to the house.”

“No! I’m not coming home, don’t look for me.”

“Don’t look for you? You’re my wife! What the fuck do you think this is? You can’t just up and walk out on me.”

“Don’t even try to play the proud husband card. You don’t care about me. Do you even understand the damage you’ve caused? You broke me, Christopher. My heart feels like it’s in a million pieces. I loved you more than my own life,” you sobbed.

“Baby, please don’t cry. Can you please just pull over and talk to me? I don’t want anything to happen to you. Just please pull over.”

“I’m pulling over. Hear me loud and clear I’m not coming back to that house. I’m done with you, Rio. The last thing you should want me to do is to come home. Did you forget that I have a gun?”

“No! Come home, damn it! Hear what I have to say. If you still want to leave after, I won’t stop you. Tell me where you are. I’ll come to you, mama, please.”

“This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now. I’m beginning to wonder if any of it was real. Thinking of how many lies you’ve told sends chills throughout my body. Who are you? You’re not the man I thought you were. Ain’t no coming back from this,” you cried.

“I’m trying to get you to understand that it’s not what you think it is. Fuck, mama! Just listen to me.”

“What can you possibly say to justify those pictures? You were super fucking cozy with that red-headed bitch! How can you explain the damn ultrasound pictures, Rio? Those photos are the only thing saving your lives right now! That baby won’t be inside her forever, though. I’ma catch that bitch when the baby drops. It’s one thing to cheat on me, but you knocked this desperate housewife-looking-ass bitch up! You gave her the one thing I’d been hoping and praying on. Tell me, is it because of the miscarriage last year? Is that why you stepped outside the marriage? Am I not good enough? Was I not a good wife? A good bonus-mom to Marcus? Tell me what I did to deserve this foul-ass shit,” you questioned as your voice continued to crack.

At this point, you were bawling so hard it made it difficult to breathe. Rio hung his head as he pleaded with you to take a moment to catch your breath. The only thing he could do was apologize, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, mama.” Over and over again. “I wish you would believe me when I tell you things aren’t what they appear to be, but I know all the odds stacked against me. Not with these photos. Nothing I say is going to change your mind. All I can do is tell you I’m sorry this is happening.” For the first time since Marcus was born, his eyes became glossy as he fought the urge to shed a tear.

The line went quiet for the longest fifteen minutes. Rio was relieved to hear you finally take a deep breath. Your voice was scratchy and raw. You no longer wanted to listen to his broken promises and lies as you spoke with finality.

“I hope you know just how much I loved you. I pray that you know how much I’ll always love you, but this is something I can’t get past,” you whispered. “Never did I think I could hate and love you this much.”

Not interested in giving Rio another moment to waste your time, you ended the call. Knowing how his mind worked, you turned off the location on your phone. You knew he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. Taking a few moments to pull yourself together, you dried your eyes and continued your journey. You headed to the place you hoped he wouldn’t think to look for you.

Having no control of the situation, Rio was becoming more desperate to find you. You were out there, all by yourself. No one was watching over and keeping you safe. He had no one to blame but himself. All this was happening on account of his actions. If only he could find you and get you to listen. Even if that were to occur, how could he get you to understand what was happening? In all honesty, even if he were to explain it, there would still be repercussions. Sadly, in a twisted way, he had fucked up.

Rio had checked your location before the call had ended that night. He spent hours trying to find you, but even with the help of his crew, the search was unsuccessful. It was back to the grind that morning, resuming the search after wrapping up any urgent business matters. Rio tried everything he could think to do. He had one of his men trying to track the GPS on your truck. Only you were a step ahead of him. They had found your vehicle parked at your best friend's house. Y/B/N came stomping outside, lashing out at Rio for breaking your heart. The two of them had exchanged a few harsh words. He bit the bullet and called his mother-in-law. The only thing that had come of that experience was a heated exchange between Rio, your father, and two older brothers. Realizing no one wanted to give him any information, Rio focused on your checking activity. He looked to see if you had used your bank or credit cards. He damn near blew a vein when he saw you’d made a large cash withdrawal. It was enough money to keep from having to use your cards. He had no idea if you’d hopped on a plane. If you had gotten a rental and we’re driving across the country. Three of your close friends each lived in a different state. You could’ve been anywhere by now.

The past four days consisted of long sleepless nights and endless searching. Not knowing how else to find you, Rio decided to deal with something else that needed handling. Pushing away from his workspace, he threw back the rest of his drink. Setting the empty glass on the table, he exited his office. Mick had returned from his errand and met up with Rio in the parking lot. He could tell that his boss was running off very little sleep. Mick could sense that Rio had been drinking dark liquor and knew it was on an empty stomach. Pure anger and rage were evident on Rio’s face and in his eyes. Which only meant one thing. Rio pulled out his weapon, checking the weight and safety.

“I think you should let me drive, boss. I’ll keep an eye on things from the car.”

The gesture was one of the many reasons Mick was his go-to. He never had to explain anything, and Mick was a certified trained-to-go shooter. They hopped into the car and sped off towards their destination. It was time for Rio to get some answers. Someone was going to pay for being dumb enough to send that text and those photos. There was only one person he could think of that would be that damn stupid. Surely she knew this little stunt would be the end of her. He just wanted to know what exactly she was trying to prove.

Rio was halfway out of the car before Mick could finish parking. She had mentioned some sob stories about her husband taking the kids out of town, which meant she was home alone. He had found her lights out on the couch with an empty tequila bottle sprawled out on the coffee table. Seeing her sleep so peacefully pissed him off. Here she was getting a nice rest while he had gone the last four days without sleep on account of her, or so he thought. His anger bubbled to the surface. Rio lunged toward her, yanking her by the hair and pulling her into a seated position.

“We need to have a little chat, Elizabeth,” his voice was cold and calculated.

Still not fully awake and a little drunk, Beth blinked a few times. Her eyes were like giant saucers when her brain fully registered what was happening.

“R-Rio, what are you doing here? What is happening? You’re hurting me.”

“Trust me. It’s going to hurt a lot more, Elizabeth. You’ve been pretty busy, haven’t you?”

“I have? W-what are you talking about?”

“You seriously want to play stupid? Come on, ma. That’s only going to make it worse. Why’d you send it?”

“Send what, Rio?”

He pressed the gun into her chin harder. His eyes were dark as his jaw ticked.

“The text? The pictures of the ultrasound? You’re lucky you got pregnant just in time to spare your life. I’m confused as to why you took it upon yourself to share this information with my wife. What’s it to do with her?”

Rio's face fell at the sight of the confusion in Elizabeth’s eyes. She was telling the truth. Beth was clueless about the entire ordeal. If she wasn’t the one that sent them, who did? Her eyes filled with tears as she was shaking. He could see her playing their conversation back in her mind, trying to comprehend what he was saying. He removed the gun from under her chin, putting it back on safety.

“I can see from your reaction that it wasn’t you. You’re still not completely off the hook. There’s a chance that one of your ditzy friends is responsible, maybe that bitter husband of yours. Someone that knows you did it. When I find out, and trust me, I will. We’ll circle back to this moment, yeah?” Rio’s signature crooked smile played on his lips as he tapped her cheek with the barrel of his gun. You're going to help me figure this shit out. Better find a way to get that beautiful wife of mine to return to me safe and sound. If you don't, all three of you bitches gon’ feel it. Get some rest, ma. You got a lot of work to get to tomorrow, yeah?” He stood straightening his shirt and tucking his gun in his jeans. Beth hadn’t said another word and continued to stare at him in fear. Rio brushed the hair from her face and eerily stated, “sweet dreams, darlin’.” With that, he made his departure.

Rio had Mick take him home. Not sleeping and running off of alcohol had taken its toll. He managed to eat half a bowl of ramen before dumping the rest. After taking a quick shower, he got into bed. Though his eyes were heavy, sleep evaded him. Rio’s brain was preoccupied with thoughts of you. He wondered where you were and If you were doing okay. He was also racking his brain, trying to figure out who outside Beth would be ignorant enough to blow up his life. Reaching for his mobile device, he made one last attempt to call you for the night. It went straight to voicemail, and Rio slammed his phone on the nightstand. Almost immediately, a notification came through. It was a text from Marcus’ mom reminding him to pick him up from practice. Guilt and stress coursed through his body. Rio had to prepare for the sadness your absence would cause in his son's life. How could he explain that he was the reason behind your abrupt departure? Marcus loved you just as much as Rio. Unable to fight the exhaustion, his thoughts led him into a slumber.

The conversation about your absence had been difficult, and Marcus handled it as best he could. Rio had explained to his baby boy that although you left, it had nothing to do with him. He clarified that it wouldn’t change the love you two had for him.

“So is she never coming back, dad?”

The sadness in Marcus' voice nearly gutted Rio.

“I honestly can’t say, but this is all on me. I should’ve handled ma’s heart better. I could’ve tried harder to protect her from outside influences. I just want you to know that she didn’t leave you. She needs time apart from me to think. I’m doing my best to fix it, little man.”

“Do you still love her, dad?”

“Of course I do. Always will.”

Marcus smiled at his father and walked over to him. He gave Rio a tight hug.

“Hope that makes you feel better.”

Rio hugged his son back, kissing the top of his head, “it does, baby boy. Thank you.”

“Hey, dad, would it be okay to call mama Y/N sometime?”

That very question had been like a spark of hope for Rio. You had been ignoring his calls, but he knew you would never refuse Marcus’ precious face. Rio knew it would only make you angrier, but it was the only way he could get you to talk to him.

“She wouldn’t mind at all. She’d probably love to hear from you right now.”

Marcus sped off to retrieve the phone Rio and Rhea (his mom) had gifted him on his last birthday. He ran to the couch, phone in hand, and bounced onto the cushions. Marcus excitedly sent you a FaceTime request. As it rang, the sweet boy crawled onto his dad’s lap to wait for an answer. Only letting it ring twice, you accepted. Your eyes focused on Marcus, and you completely ignored Rio.

“Hi, my sweet baby! I miss you so much, bud! How’s school and soccer going for you?”

“Pretty good. I scored two goals in practice today!”

“That’s awesome. Listen, sweetie pie, I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to kiss that cute handsome face goodbye. Hope you’re not too upset with me, my little love.”

You were doing your best to mask the pain in your voice, but Rio heard it as it made his stomach twist.

“That’s okay, ma. Dad told me you had to take some time to yourself. I’m going to miss you. I hope I see you soon.”

Marcus was on the same page as his father. He sneakily finished saying what he wanted and handed the phone to Rio. You could hear Marcus shout, “love you, ma! Gotta go do my homework. You should talk to daddy for a bit, please,” he begged. With that, the adorable little devil made his exit.

“I don’t have shit to say to you. That’s pretty fucked up for you to use Marcus to force me to speak with you. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?”

“You left me no choice, mama. When are you going to stop playing games and come home love?”

“You’re such a narcissist. Get the fuck off my line, Rio.”

“You can’t even take ten minutes to hear what I have to say?”

“He only want me when I’m not there. He better call Becky with the good hair.”

-Beyoncé.

“No, I cannot. It’s funny that you suddenly have so much time for me. Now that I’m not sitting around waiting on you and believing your lies. You’ve got all the time in the world. Fucking ass. Stop calling me,” you growled, ending the call.

At this point, Rio was starting to become agitated. He understood that he’d fucked up, but you weren’t even trying to have one final discussion about it all. Don’t bitches crave closure? There was so much more to the situation that you didn’t know. He wanted to explain everything, but you wouldn’t allow him to have even an ounce of your time. Rio took a moment to gather himself. Scooping his phone from the end table, he FaceTimed Mick.

“Yo?”

“She answered a FaceTime call from Marcus. We managed to get her to stay on long enough to take screen grabs. Find out if the screenshots can give any information on where the fuck my wife is. I’m not playing this cat and mouse shit anymore. Find her by any means necessary.”

“Got you. I’m on it, boss.”

Ending his call with Mick, he was startled by the doorbell. Glancing at the security camera left him confused. Rio approached the door, his hand behind his back, settling on the base of his gun. He opened the door, and his eyes fixated on a man dressed in slacks and a button-up. The stranger addressed Rio by his full name. He eyed the man cautiously, replying, “who wants to know? Do we know each other?” The man smiled, giving Rio a quick head nod. “You’ve been served.”

Rio barely had time to process what was happening. The papers were in his hand, and the process server was already in his vehicle, leaving by the time it clicked. He didn’t even have to look at them to know they were divorce papers. Not wanting to scare or upset Marcus, he closed the door softly. He did the only thing he could to release his anger with his son present. He went to his workout room and took all his frustrations out on his punching bag. Half an hour later and he was still so full of emotion. He took a swig of water before snapping and launching it across the room. Alone in his thoughts, he pressed his back against the wall and slid down. Burying his head in his hands, he tried his hardest not to spiral, but it was unsuccessful. Rio’s emotions bubbled over as he called you again. It rang once, going to voicemail.

“You’re out of your damn mind if you think I’m giving up that easily. You can keep ignoring my calls but check this out. I’ll never stop looking for you. I can promise you that. Do us both a favor and just bring your beautiful ass home, ma. Sending me papers, I am not Usher, sweetheart, I ain’t ready to sign shit. Never will be. You are my wife. We in this thing for life, baby. I thought you knew. I know it’s hard for you to believe right now, but I fucking love you, mama. How you groan and complain about my lack of communication, yet here you are doing exactly that. Get your head on straight. As soon as daddy can figure it out, I’m coming to get you, darlin’.” Ending the call, he went to do a little searching of his own.

You had only been at your destination for a few hours. Not only had it been a long drive, but being an emotional mess made it impossible to focus on the road. You had to stop to rest and force yourself to eat something. Every hotel you slept in was as low-key as you could get. Your last conversation with Rio had you constantly looking over your shoulder. The desperation and determination in his voice were too hard to ignore. You knew that he was on a mission to find you. That’s why you had spent longer than expected at the stop before. Your mind flickered back to the previous night.

Holed up in the quaint little hotel room, you drowned your sorrows in a bottle of Casamigos. You Swallowed a copious amount of alcohol as your face scrunched at the burning sensation in your chest. You sat on the bed, legs folded with your MacBook in your lap. Fingertips furiously pecked at the keys as you filed for separation. Summer Walker’s “Throw It Away” flowed through the speakers. Earlier, your best friend had called you while driving to check in on you. She had done a little research after you had adamantly declared you wanted to end your marriage. Your friend felt that you were being impulsive. She had taken it upon herself to explain that you could file online. Halfway through the conversation, Y/B/N convinced you to file for a separation. She argued that you didn’t know the whole story, and you agreed. Filling out the proper documents lasted a while. Having completed your task, you took one last swig of liquor and curled into a ball, crying yourself to sleep.

Sitting at the counter of a cute little diner, you listened to the last message your soon-to-be ex-husband left you. Rio’s voicemail made you so angry that your mouth formed a scowl. He was begging for a response, and that’s just what you gave him. Not giving him the satisfaction of calling him back, you opted to shoot him a biting text.

“If you had bothered to open the damn envelope, you’d know they’re separation papers. I was going to take time to clear my head and make a proper decision. Judging by your stalkerish, obsessive, possessive attitude, ain’t shit I need to think over. The papers you’re bitching about now? Go ahead and tear them up. New documents are on the way, my boy! Save us both the hassle and sign them whenever you fucking get them. No need to send a response. I won’t be responding to anything else you have to say. Let this be the LAST time we have to contact each other.”

Rio responded to your text with a photo. It was an image of the papers burning in the kitchen sink. “Did this as soon as I received them. Any other papers coming to this address will meet the same fate, my love.” You thought about responding but were interrupted by someone sliding into the stool next to you. Ignoring the unwanted lunch companion, you tried turning your focus back to your phone. Only the sound of the lunch companion’s voice sent a chill down your spine.

“I must say it’s odd bumping into you so far from home. What are you doing in California? Are you hiding from someone, darlin’?”

Yes, another cliffhanger. Sorry my babies, but I got to keep the suspense going 😜. I know, I ain’t shit 😆😈. Part three is in progress, but I’m working on several different WIP. Be patient with your girl. I hope this lived up to your expectations. It was a struggle to post part two. I tend to be overly critical of my work. Comments and reblogs are very much appreciated. Ask box is open as well💓.

Divider Credit: @firefly-graphics

Prompt Credit: @a-cure-for-writers-block

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**Due to some of you guys' profile restrictions, I was unable to tag a few people.

#berberriescorner #are you listening? #series #part two #the breakdown #rio x black!reader #rio x woc!reader #rio x reader #rio x y/n #rio fanfiction #rio fanfic #rio good girls #good girls rio #manny montana #black writer #Spotify

[oogaboogaspookyman]

@sm-baby

I COULD BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW BUT MY HEART ACHES

[JUST FOR YOU]

It's been a while, hasn't it?

The office door creaks open

"Heya Pom! Brought back the paper i asked you yesterday?" Jax sounded so cheery. So happy while you just sat there on the chair like a drunkard... Well he's not a romance guy, of course he would be happy on his own. Damn rabbit.

"Not a word? What, still miss Sir Dentures?" He chuckles. He doesn't stop chuckling. What a clown... Thinks the jester. Ironic.

"Hm..."

His smile fades into a sincere frown.

Sigh

"Look here, Pom... It was necessary. He's free, paid for restoring us, we're all good now. No more murder and i got my nice charming scarf back and my favorite brushes, i'm the cool art teacher again!"

"So turn the dumb frown upside down aaaand please give me the paper i asked you? Please and thank you?"

"You're not a romance guy, of course you're fine. [___]hole..."

...

Oh...

"Oh for the love of- the censor is still here?! God darn it, i wanna say the f word for once! I loved doing that!"

You grip onto the table until it began to crack at the memory of him. Him, him, him. That stupid fucking human.

"Pom you may wanna lay off the grip there, i paid a lot for tha-"

A chunk is crushed. Like paper.

...

"Ah..."

Pomni lets go, revealing the chokehold put on the table left a permanent mark.

"Did ya dissociate again? I spoke well 'n clear, i paid a lot for that one!"

"Suck me, rabbit, you can get your s[__]t yourself" Pomni gets up and storms off from the office with no more words.

"Eh... Christ she's not okay..." Jax sighs

"Wonder if things coulda been better?"

Nobody helps at all.

Gangle offered to distract her, have a play, but Pomni wasn't in the mood.

Zooble offered a smoke but she didn't wanna try that kind of stuff.

Bubble is too much of an agent of chaos to give a shit, offered to commit "one (1) arson".

Kinger is just too far gone in his dementia, lucid when it was fucking funny and nothing more...

Nobody helps.

He knew how to help...

Only he knew...

Him...

The door to Ragatha's room creaks open

"Oh hey Pomni! How's your day go... Oh..." Ragatha notices Pomni is not any form of happy, if anything she looks like she's empty inside and wants to die...

"Oh you're not alright... Would you like to talk over tea..?"

"Mm... Will you let me vent properly?" Pomni groaned, still doubting that she won't pull out the whole everything is fine bullshit

"Oh- u-uhm- yes of- of course! Of course, i- i apologize for my past behavior, i really wasn't in my... B- best moments, at the time..." Ragatha stuttered. Don't stutter, you pretentious... ... Anyhow.

"Okay... Do you remember... Caine?" Ragatha already caught wind of the situation...

"The human with the dentures head? Yes, i remember him just fine, he restored us..."

"Yeah..."

"He was a good man, although didn't have the best manners he was alright nonetheless, knew how to make some laugh..." Ragatha and Pomni chuckled at the memory of Caine's wacky way with words. Jumping jellybeans? Seriously? That's a man right there!

A good dude...

"..." Pomni's pupils turned into black scribbles at the thought of him. The chuckling had faded as soon as it started, replaced by...

"I loved that human, if i'm being honest... He knew how to cheer me up, how to make the situation seem less bigger than it actually is... He knew how to kiss, god did he know..." Ragatha let out an "oh my" after hearing Caine kissed her, what else did they do..?!

"He... He was... He's amazing. Just that, amazing..." Pomni sighed, sipping on the tea she's given... "I loved him..." She began to sniff, putting down her cup.

"Oh dearie, come here-" Ragatha put down her cup and welcomed Pomni with open arms, knowing full well she needed to let it out of her system.

And that she did. Pomni got up and hugged Ragatha as tight as she could, and began to sob her lonely heart away, "He loved you too, Pomni, that cannot be denied..." Ragatha spoke as she held Pomni close. The poor jester, so alone...

How ironic.

She has friends, and yet she's lonely.

Caine had filled up a hole nobody could fill, and now that he's gotten out of the game after restoring everyone to their better conditions... That hole is empty once more, a gaping void and nothing to fill it.

How lonely this jester must be...

But it was necessary. He's free now.

#tadc au #the amazing digital carnival #carnival au #spooker's writing #tadc showtime #showtime ship #pomni x caine #tadc pomni #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #the rest are only mentioned i ain't tagging them #heehoo funi sad stuff makes me giggle heeheehoo #SoundCloud #curtainfall

[beanghostprincess]

Trans fem buggy anon back at it again with the brainrot

Crocodile going Full Mafia Boss Husband is so near and dear to me, but like. That makes Buggy the Mafia Boss Wife.

And I dunno smth about the clichés about that is so wild to me bc I feel like she'd fit that bill so well and yet so very NOT at the same time.

There is One Woman Crocodile Listens To, and it's his wife. He sometimes listens to Mihawk as well, but for different reasons. Mihawk ALSO listens to Buggy for the same reasons as Croc. It's not that Buggy is conventionally powerful, it's a mix of Happy Wife, Happy Life, and Buggy somehow slotting so well into the fold and running the backdrop with both efficiency, flair, and endearing fuck ups.

Buggy absolutely endears herself to many of Croc's business associates, charming them out the ass, and they think this mouthy little clown is a bit of a ditz and doesn't Get It, so they talk more freely around her. None of them catch that little glint in her eye as she listens attentively, making notes to ferry back to Crocodile and Mihawk both. Oh? You have big plans in the future? A loan, you say? Oh well golly, yes, I've been there before, teehee, tell me more, mister~

She has more dirt on the underbelly organizations than most can fathom, all locked up nice and neat in a code written lovingly in her fluffy heart shaped neon blue and green notebook.

She plays the role of eye candy well, and she likens it to playing on stage.

Behind the scenes, she's mouthy, bold, sharp, and useful, learning the tells and systems, realigning her general management with this new information, much to her husbands' surprise. Crocodile absolutely spoils her and Mihawk both rotten, but it's a mutual affair.

Buggy just having these wildly powerful men wrapped around her finger.

((And her fans/underlingsbare just gobbling it up bc THAT'S THEIR CAPTAIN, yeah captain Buggy is a QUEEN and she is SO GOOD AT THIS WOOOOO-))

MEANWHILE

The world government: she's a clown. Wait she was Roger's? Okay. Alright. A threat. We can mitigate this. A warlord - shit. Fuck the warlord system is going down. Oh God. Okay. Uhhh. We'll just drop a bounty. Yeah. That's good - Oh. Oh my God. Holy fuck did she just recruit MIHAWK and CROCODILE?? Okay. Emperor, then. It's fine. This is fine - THEY'RE MARRIED?!?!? WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

The whole mafia concept with Cross Guild just fits so well. I mean, you've seen Crocodile already, he was literally made for that scenery. Crocodile and Mihawk may handle the money and men, but Buggy as a "trophy wife who looks dumb but actually knows what's going on all the time and keeps pulling the strings" is just amazing. Crocodile listens to two people only and he trusts them with his life. Buggy might seem like only a sexy bimbo clown but she actually could murder somebody violently on the spot and both Crocodile and Mihawk would stare at her with pride and then buy her all the things she wants. She's actually extremely strategic and intelligent and she's pretty much the one who makes all the plans since she knows the most about everybody they need to take advantage of.

And it's not even the dynamic which, I mean, it's pretty obviously a mafia dynamic but-- The whole aesthetic too? These three are just constantly giving "mafia boss x femme fatale wife x mysterious murderous husband". Crocodile sitting at his desk, Mihawk by his side and Buggy sitting on his lap? The image won't leave my head. It's just so, so good for them.

Not to mention that the Marines are all extremely frightened of this trio and Buggy's history and won't even dare to come close to them because they don't even know how the hell this relationship happened. And it's concerning and scary and they might end up dead if they approach them.

But yeah, this whole thing lives in my mind rent-free all the time and this is exactly how I imagine them. Cross Guild is just a mafia and Buggy always gets what she wants because she gets the job done and both Crocodile and Mihawk genuinely love her to death. Like literally. Don't touch her. You'll die.

#fem buggy my beloved she's a failgirl but also femme fatale to me #she keeps murdering and manipulating people and then she has breakdowns and meltdowns in the comfort of their private room #girl is so mentally ill to me okay i adore her #also crocodile and mihawk genuinely falling in love with her and protecting her with their life despite saying they hated her is... amazing #one piece #buggy the clown #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #fem buggy #transfem buggy #cross guild

[mazeinthemiroh]

guardian angel

Pairing: Seonghwa x female! reader

Genre: romance, angst, fluff, slight crack, highschool! au, bad boy! au, happy ending

Word count: 3.8k

Requested?: yes

Warnings: cursing, a lot of cliche themes, mentions of smoking and drinking, elements of crack, potential sexual assault (doesn't actually happen), suggestive, wooyoung being his awesome self

Summary: Seonghwa is known for being a delinquent. Nothing phases, and no one messes with him. But there is someone who he is drawn to. Someone he can't quite keep off his mind.

Author's Notes: I had so much fun writing this you have no idea. It took way longer to write than I wanted but I need it to be perfect. This fic does have some mature theme so do be warned! Thank you so much anon for requesting this. I really hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think!! <3

The whole concept of having a guardian angel was comforting. intriguing, almost. Having someone watching over, protecting you, perhaps without you even knowing. That was a comforting thought.

Or at least for you it was. But in this compulsory religious studies class, most kids were seconds away from falling asleep. The teacher droned on with her monotone voice, flicking through the PowerPoint presentation, which looked like a half-hearted effort, put together last night.

Not that it mattered. No one was paying attention anyway, all except the handful of teens who wanted to get the best out of their mediocre education system.

"Silence please" the teacher mumbled weakly at the class. Poor Miss had no presence, no impact. The hard-working students, such as yourself, usually sitting in the front row, could usually hear her feeble voice. But they weren't the ones who needed to hear it.

"She said shut up!"

A voice with authority. Everyone collectively gasped, quick to close their lips now as they turned to face the principal, who walked in not moments ago. She was the one to be feared.

And yet there were still some people who just didn't fear her enough.

"You boys at the back" she snarled as she pointed over to the back of the classroom.

Ahh, the boys at the back. There's such a thing to be said about a high school's social hierarchy. It followed the same, cliche, stereotypical pattern as every American high school rom-com movie does. It is the same each time, each year. At the bottom: nerds, geeks, unconventionally attractive pupils, or just simply people who strive to succeed academically which for some reason makes you a loser. And at the top? Hot, rich mean girl gangs who absorb their power by thriving off the fear of the 'low-lives' below them. And, of course, the boys at the back.

"Why are you still talking? Did you not hear me the first time?"

One of them mumbled and snickered but it was hard to tell who. Or at least, for the principle it was.

It was quite clearly Wooyoung. Known for never knowing when to shut up, Wooyoung was the one to not understand when things went too far, or when a situation was too serious. And he was the one to get away with everything.

"Who's still talking?"

Wooyoung decides, the clown that he is, to turn to Seonghwa in this instance, with the usual shit-eating grin on his face, making it seem like Seonghwa was the accomplice.

"Was it you, pretty boy? To the front of the class now!"

Seonghwa glared daggers into Wooyoung as he reluctantly grabbed his stuff and got up to walk right to the front.

Even just walking through the class, you could see how much power Seonghwa would hold. Girls would giggle and swoon over him, whispering to each other about how good he looked today. Boys would cough awkwardly as he walked passed them, pretending not to be even remotely attracted to him. And the nerds at the front wouldn't even dare look at him. Especially you.

Which was typical because the only desk that was free at the front for him to sit at was the one directly next to yours.

So, as you screamed internally at yourself for not choosing another seat at the start of the year, Seonghwa settled down next to you, throwing his stuff on the desk and sitting back leisurely on his seat. he let out a long, dramatic sigh.

"Good. Now the rest of you need to get on, you will be tested on this!" Everyone let out a low groan at this, and then the principal promptly left without another word.

The usual rumble of conversation started up again. You stared downwards at the work in front of you, trying to concentrate on something, anything that wasn't the hot guy next to you.

"Hey."

Your heart stopped. Breath hitched up in your throat as you strangled on a previous inhale. Is he talking to me? You thought to yourself. Eyes wide with fear, anticipation, and excitement, you decided to do the unthinkable.

You turned towards him.

Never had it occurred to you that, not only was he talking to you, but he was looking at you too. So as you mustered up the courage to turn your head towards him, you were faced with two, large, deadly brown orbs staring at you, eating you alive by the intensity of his gaze. This was the closest he had been to you. And the bravest you had ever been to dare to take his features in this close. You couldn't help yourself. Eyes trailing along his smooth, tanned skin, jawline so sharp you were convinced you could cut yourself on it if you touch it. Jet black hair styled to frame his face so expertly; so precise was the wisps of his fringe, and although he kept brushing his hair back with his long fingers, the stubborn stray hairs would remain rested neatly on his forward. Perfect. Strong cheekbones, magnificently angled nose, luscious lips that hid a devious tongue.

And all this time you were staring at him. But by God did he stare back. Reality only hit you once you were done drinking in his features, savouring the human painting before you as if he was the last painting left on earth. You only blinked your eyes downwards once you were conscious and very much aware that your wide eyes and agape mouth had made his eyes sparkle with curiosity.

"Hi" was all you could muster. A feeble, pathetic excuse of a word that he could barely hear. He felt the corner of his lips pull up at your response.

"What are we actually supposed to be learning?"

You were surprised at his question. Did he actually wanna do the work? Or did he just want to talk to you? Or.. or... what was happening?? You blinked in response before clearing your throat.

"Well, today's lesson is about angels. You know, the different types of angels, and different religious interpretations of what they are like. Miss just finished talking about Guardian angels and-"

"Oh, I don't actually care sweetie," he chuckled lowly as you blushed ferociously at the sudden pet name. You suspected he was mocking you, but all the while his eyes held a warm curiosity as he continued to gaze at you. "I don't believe in angels or anything like that, tsk."

Perhaps he was passing the time. Making the lesson go faster for himself by making conversation. That's how you viewed it anyway.

"Why did you ask then?"

Your sudden boldness shocked you both, but you hid it well. His eyebrow quirked up with interest.

"I just wanted to that pretty voice of yours," he hummed, his tone a mixture of playful banter and flirtatious intent. It made your cheeks feel warm.

"Do you believe in any of this crap then?" He queried, suddenly looking away and taking a much more serious interest in his broken pencil, which he played with masterfully and with great skill between the fingers of his right hand.

You tried not to get defensive about his ignorant and outright rude attitude. Part felt that that's what he wanted. He wanted to lure you into a trap, an argument, and all just for his amusement.

"I like the idea of guardian angels," you paused to look away from him, your gaze sinking to your desk again, "having someone to watch over you like that... I don't know... the whole idea makes me feel less... less lonely."

That was your truth. This wasn't the first conversation you envisioned having with him. It felt a bit strange, a bit peculiar. Too deep too quick, especially with someone like him.

You expected him to scoff at this considering his previous remark. But you felt him gaze at you once more. He didn't tut, he didn't hum in response. He just turned away without another word.

That was the first time you interacted with Seonghwa. And you had a feeling, deep down, that it would be your last.

I mean, who were you kidding? You both guys ran in different circles. Had different lives, different friends, different... everything.

You knew this, and you knew this well. So why were you still thinking about him?

You felt he was undoubtedly out-of-your-league in all aspects. Looks, attitude, social status. Stuff that meant absolutely nothing to you but supposedly meant everything to everybody else. It was infuriating to tolerate these mindsets on a daily basis and yet you find yourself enduring and getting swallowed but the same expectations these mindsets create.

As you wallow in a stream of these thoughts you do not think for a second that the boy you now had eyes for - the delinquent who took a shine to you for reasons you could not explain - would be thinking about you in the same way.

But he was. And he hated it.

He wasn't a ladies' man like Wooyoung was. Wooyoung thrived when given attention from a pretty girl and he would do anything to impress them. Seonghwa was just not like that.

Rather, he preferred to flirt around, subtly. Throw a few winks here and there, biting his lip for too long as he made fleeting eye contact with as many girls as he could. He was quiet in his flirtatious endeavours, but he never really meant anything.

So he doesn't know why he starts feeling this way about you.

"What's the matter with you then?" Wooyoung nudged his friend, who seemed quieter than usual. The usual gang of boys met on the rooftop of the art building in their school. They would usually stay back well after hours, long until it gets dark. No one knew they were there, and jumping the gates was easy when they need to exit.

So that's where they were, vaping sloppily and drinking uncontrollably. The bottles of beers accumulated around the overflowing rubbish bin. It was surprising that no one caught on to their activities considering they were shamelessly loud, with zero fear of getting found out, perhaps because they got away with everything.

"Nothing, I'm fine," Seonghwa shrugged his friend off, staring down at the glass bottle in his hand.

Wooyoung isn't stupid. He knows when something isn't quite right. Better yet, he is persistent. Stubborn, even. Annoyingly determined to chip away at you until you crack. He gets what he wants.

"Must be some lucky girl for you to be thinking about her so much," Wooyoung teased as the rest joined in to chuckle. Seonghwa scowled at the boy, glaring at him in a way that would send chills to someone's heart. It was a shame that he was glaring at Wooyoung, who was simply brimming with audacity. Seonghwa knew better than to get into an argument with him, so he just kept quiet.

What Wooyoung said made him think though. Why was he thinking about you? Why you, specifically? His calculating eyes shifted from one object to another as he tried to pattern in his mind some sound reasoning.

Perhaps it was the way you looked at him. Well, other people stared at his face on a daily. He just looked so perfect. So absolutely stunning. As Seonghwa looked back he realised you had the same gaze and yet something different. It was obvious you admired his appearance, perhaps even shocked when seeing him up close. However, he recalled a certain trace of curiosity. Of excitement. And as you stared at his face like this, he didn't realise was studying yours.

Yet, there was something in the way you interacted with him; the spike of boldness that shot out of you was something he didn't quite expect. Most girls either stammer like idiots when trying to talk to him, or they screech and giggle and touch him playfully when he doesn't want them to. There's no in-between. So admittedly, he was caught a bit off guard by how you responded to him.

And he liked being caught off guard.

It had been a long ass day and you were, quite frankly, fed up. With your last lesson just finished you were so, so ready to go. Shoving your notebooks into your already heavy bag, you were stopped by the teacher.

"Y/N, I was just wondering if you wanted to join some extracurricular activities? It would really boost up your grades and would make your CV look excellent-"

Ah yes, of course. Here comes the lecture all the bright pupils get which guilt trip them into joining some weird club that no one goes to. You've heard this all before, and you weren't considering it now. It's a shame your teacher caught you at the wrong time because you were barely able to keep your eyes open from pure exhaustion as she spoke to you.

"Thanks Miss, but I've been really busy lately.."

You could see the disappointment in her face but you were so done with the day that you didn't even care.

"Just think about it, okay?"

Heaving a sigh, you slung your bag over your shoulder while the teacher left the classroom.

You knew one of the boys was still there, lurking at the back somewhere. The same group of boys always stayed back and you couldn't possibly think why. And you didn't dare to ask.

"Hey, Princess~"

You couldn't pin that voice on a face. It sounded familiar, but all the boys' voices sounded the same. Only Wooyoung's voice stood out the most since he talked so damn much. And, of course, Seonghwa's...

"You joining a stupid little club for your favourite teacher, eh?"

It was so petty you could've laughed. You turned around to face whoever this boy was, and his name escaped you. His name didn't matter to you regardless.

It unnerved you that he was by himself. Sure, having a whole group of them sneer at you wasn't ideal, but being alone with this guy after school hours made you want to run. But you didn't.

Your unamused face made the boy chuckle as you stared directly into his eyes. You wish you hadn't looked there, because surely you must have looked terrified by now; how he stalked up to you with confidence and intensity of a crow attacking a fresh piece of roadkill.

You stood your ground.

"No, I decided not to."

End of conversation. Done. Dusted. Swept under the rug.

Surely?

He was at an uncomfortable distance now, too close for someone you don't know. And even closer for someone you didn't want to know.

"Good girl."

You shivered. The dread built up in the pit of your stomach.

"Still," he mused, "a strip club doesn't sound so bad."

He had you pressed up against the table as his hands started for the strap of your vest top, a finger curling around it as he slowly started to pull it down. You were paralysed. Eyes wide with fear and disbelief and confusion. You should've run, you told yourself. You should've run you stupid girl.

"Get your fucking hands off her!"

There was a voice, familiar in its depth, but not so familiar in its intensity and rage. Both of you snapped your head over to find Seonghwa, his eyes emoting the most indescribable anger someone could ever feel.

"What the fuck is wrong with you man, let us have our fu-"

It was too late. A fist thrown to the face was enough to send the boy flying. He was weak as he crashed down dramatically into one of the desks. Seonghwa moved to him and kept going. Punch, kick, slam. The boy would be bruised for weeks.

But he ran off anyway, stumbling out of the class. The heavy footfall of his feet echoed down the hall.

You and Seonghwa stared at each other in silence.

His eyes were full of regret. Regret that he didn't stay behind with his 'friend.' Regret that he let you see this violent side of him. Regret that he wasn't there for you. If he hadn't come in at the right time-

Your eyes were filled with sorrow, vision clouded by the beads of tears that formed at the bottom of your eyes. You had felt so alone, so out of your depth and in danger.

"Thank you so much," you burst into tears. You grabbed him and sunk your head into his chest and sobbed into the fabric of his t-shirt. Holding him close into a feeble, yet certain, hug. It was not something you intended to do, but in the overwhelming situation you found yourself in, you felt you owed him the world.

So a hug will do for now.

"Of course he's out of the group, what are you even saying? It's no problem! He was a twat anyway."

Wooyoung sucked on his lollipop with such passion and vigour that Seonghwa thought he was going to inhale and choke on it, which admittedly would've been quite funny.

They sat by themselves on the rooftop, dangling their feet over the edge. They could see the sunset very clearly. It was beautiful. Wooyoung teased that it was almost... romantic! Of course this caused to threaten to push him over the edge for.

"You really pummelled him in though. He's got a black eye and everything. I never thought you were the type," Wooyoung said through slurps, talking with his lollipop still in his mouth.

Seonghwa stared at the sun ahead, its rays giving his face an ethereal glow.

"I don't care."

There was a moment of silence. Seonghwa's eyes stared ahead.

"I can't let anything happen to her."

"Why though?"

"I don't know. I don't even know!"

"I do."

"Huh?"

"You L word her."

Wooyoung chose this moment to flutter his eyelashes mockingly at Seonghwa.

"Shut up."

"You do!"

"That doesn't make any sense I don't even know her."

Seonghwa may have said this but, in his heart, he knew he was wrong. Deep down he knew you. He had watched over you, observed the way you talk, what your interests are, what classes you liked the most that make your eyes light up, and what classes you hated and never put your hand up in. All from the back of the class, he would peak every now and then just to make sure you were okay. Like a guardian angel-

"Maybe you want to know her."

Seonghwa looked at his friend with an eyebrow quirked.

"How does your eyebrow not hurt from you doing that so much I will never know..."

"You're a pain in my ass, Wooyoung."

Seonghwa chuckled and gazed at Wooyoung fondly. It was nice having a friend like him to talk to about anything. Wooyoung can be crazy at times but he always has his back, that's for sure.

"Don't worry, I got this for you."

Seonghwa scrunched up his face in confusion.

"Wait wha-"

"Shhh, don't worry. I have an idea~"

"Not another one of your crazy-ass ideas."

"Don't worry. You're gonna love this one!"

The end of the day on the last day of term felt like such a rush. Nothing exciting happened but you didn't expect much to begin with.

"Bye, I'll see you after summer," you hugged one of your friends goodbye, giving them a squeeze. It would be lonely without them for all this time, as they were going on holiday. There was a certain emptiness you felt at the bottom of your heart when you watched them walk away. You felt there was nothing to look forward to until they returned. It was a shame.

The hallway was starting to lull down with its usual chaos and students fled the school as soon as the bell rang. One by one, students disappeared until only a few remained around you.

As you fiddled with the keys to your locker, on opening it a piece of paper slipped out of it.

Your eyes sparkle with curiosity as you leaned down to pick the paper up. It was small and folded. Your fingers worked at opening it up, revealing slanted handwriting in black biro pen:

'Meet me on the art room roof.

~ Your Guardian Angel'

Your eyes glossed over now, staring at the paper. It was hard for you to examine what you had felt. It wasn't disbelief or shock or confusion. It was certainty. Relief. Comfort.

Smiling to yourself, you did as you were instructed. There was a quickness in your step, a skip of hope and anticipation as you marched to the other side of the school.

Up the stairs to the art classroom, opening the fire exit door and up some more stone stairs, cold and loud with each footstep. And up you were, on the roof, the sky now open to you with open arms as you were embraced by a warm breeze.

There stood Seonghwa, his slicked back hair shining in the sun. His shirt was untucked and hanging over his black trousers, and he wore his usual white bomber jacket on his back, which you thought, at this moment, looked like two angel wings. Perhaps you were romanticising, but it was his fault.

His back was to you as he stood near the edge of the roof. It was like he was posing, like he was in a movie and this was his action shot. As the drone camera circulates around him, getting a 360 cinematic shot of him, his face would be revealed as daring, determined eyes shining in his passion. That's what you had imagined.

"Is this my guardian angel?"

There was no movement when he heard your voice. You expected him to turn around but maybe he had other plans. Maybe he wanted you to come to him. On debating about it in your mind, you decided to give in, shuffling closer until you were right beside him, staring out into the distance just like he did.

"I don't believe in that crap, you know that."

This statement didn't hurt you. His voice was soft, playful, almost melodic. There was a purposeful gentleness about his words in which no man had ever spoken to you before.

A silence was shared between you both, and you couldn't discern whether it was awkward or just simply... was.

"But I like the idea of it," he continued. "The whole idea makes me feel less... lonely."

You recognised your own words that you had said to him before, and suddenly the bubbling sensation of hope erupted in your heart.

He turned to you with a fond smile, and at that moment your eyes connected. You had never felt so at ease when gazing into someone's eyes before. Seonghwa had a warm reassurance that no one could quite match.

Pulling you close to him, he embraced you gently, head atop yours as you both gazed out at the view together. It felt so intimate, like you had both shared a secret, that could never be told to another soul. It felt safe, comfortable. It just felt right.

Secure in his arms, shielded, protected: that's where Seonghwa wanted you to be, always.

#park seonghwa #seonghwa #ateez #atz #kpop #requested #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez au #au #ateez angst #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez x reader #seonghwa x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop au #seonghwa au #atz x reader #atz fluff #kpop fluff #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #atz fic #atz fanfic

[romancerepulsed]

disclaimer: i am american and i can only speak for how it is here, but regardless this post is about online spaces

i have to say it. "romance negativity" is not a thing and you all look like clowns for saying it and placing it right next to sex negativity. sex negativity exists within a large system oppression. its a set of beliefs an individual can have, yes, but those beliefs in and of themselves are nothing without their institutional support. sex negativity, though it hurts queer people the most, negatively affects every person who desires to interact with sexuality in any way. sex negativity is major websites and apps banning porn for the sake of profit. sex negativity is restricting abortion access. sex negativity is absitence-only education. sex negativity is the criminalization of sex work. sex negativity is rape culture.

romance negativity does not exist in this way. the most romance negativity could possibly harm you is it hurting your feelings a bit when an aromantic person expresses their frustrations with amatonormativity. our institutions actively push for romance and partnering. our whole society is structured around it. all of our entertainment is infested with it. there is no significant cultural push to devalue romance the same way there is for sex, and thats why the discussion of the evil repulsed aros who hate romance and hate you for experiencing it is so fucking stupid to me. like, every romance repulsed aro i know is so painstakingly polite and supportive to the alloromantics and romance favorable aros around us. we are constantly gritting our teeth and working through it, because thats what we have always had to do.

ive also seen posts complaining that romance repulsed aros make the community feel unsafe for romance favorable aros, which... i have not seen any of the rumored aro elitism this implies at all. im sure there are some guys out there who exclude romance favorable aros, and they absolutely suck ass. but this is not a widespread problem at all. and i need you to put yourselves in the shoes of a romance repulsed aromantic person right now. someone who has just found the language for what theyve been struggling with all their lives, and theyre excited to find a community for people like them, a community thats supposed to be free from the talons of amatonormativity, only to find out most of the people there are still talking about their partners, their crushes, the romantic things they wanna do with their friends, etc. its isolating. this isnt to say aromanticism isnt a spectrum or that people shouldnt talk about their experiences as romance favorable aros, im just trying to get you to understand *why* repulsed aros can seem so irritable or aggressive at times.

so im sorry that romance repulsed aros expressing their frustration with the very fabric of society being against them hurt your feelings. but i think maybe thats just something youre gonna have to deal with. if you need tips on sucking it up then maybe ask a romance repulsed aro, we're used to it 👍

#barking #aromantic #romance repulsed #rape tw

[delusionalwriter02]

Insta as Fyodor's GF p.2

<3 liked by Golgot, Yosanugirl and 390 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : last friday night @.Fyofyo

Fyofyo : remind me to never do that ever again

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : seeing you drunk is certainly a rare sight

↳ Golgot : and a VERY fun one

↳ Fyofyo : my reputation is ruined

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : cmon love, you're allowed to have fun from time to time

↳ Fyofyo : the headache is not worth it

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : but the pampering was

↳ Golgot : Ynnn can you pamper me toooooo ??

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : fuck off

<3 liked by Daze_i, Sig_ma and 296 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : i don't need to adopt him i don't need to adopt him i don't need to adopt him I NEED TO ADOPT HIM

Fyofyo : You want a cat my dear ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I want a whole menagerie

↳ Fyofyo : consider it done

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : ....... what ?

Sig_ma : So have you adopted him ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he adopt me

↳ Sig_ma : Excuse me ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he followed me home, he choose me, who am i to decline ?

↳ Sig_ma : From this angle, yeah it makes sense

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : the cat distribution system finally heard me

<3 liked by Fyofyo, Yosanurgirl and 596 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : so...hmmmmm.... to summarize my day. I adopt an adorable cat named Charlie and an horse because my INCREDIBLE bf says so, living THE LIFE

Yosanugirl : how to have a rich rich rich bf

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : *how to have a bf that loves you

↳ Yosanugirl : I'M sorry but even if I love somebody to DEATH, I don't have the money TO BUY AN HORSE

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Yosano, my one and only, we'll get you an horse and we'll go on a walk

↳ Yosanugirl : don't need your pity

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : will that make you happy ?

↳ Yosanugirl : ......yes

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : then we'll do it

Fyofyo : I'm glad you're happy my dear

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I'm happy just being with you, you don't have to buy me everything

↳ Fyofyo : we got the space, the money so why don't take advantage of it ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : i don't even know what to say except I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH

↳ Golgot : FYODOR I LOVE YOU TOO PLEASE BUY ME

↳ Fyofyo : Buy you ???????

↳ Golgot : No no no not me but I want the advantages of loving you too

↳ Fyofyo : I'll give you a punch and that's it

↳ Golgot : you're mean

<3 liked by Golgot, Gintonic and 429 others

Yn_theoneandonly : love him to death

Golgot : thirdwheeling them for the night is very humbling

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : glad you're self aware

↳ Golgot : I hate you

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : me too don't worry

↳ Golgot : I'M NOT WORRY

↳ Fyofyo : Do not scream on my wife ever again.

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : YOUR WHAT

↳ Golgot : YOUR WHAT

↳ Gintonic : you're twinning

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : GIN DO NOT says something like that

↳ Golgot : twinning with that golddigger ??????

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : A WHAT YOU STUPID CLOWN

↳ Golgot : YOU'RE STEALING MY SPOTLIGHT

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : what spotlight ???? the one in the very very back of fyodor's mind ?

↳ Golgot : I HATE BOTH OF YOU

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : THEN GO AWAY ?????

↳ Fyofyo : Nikolai, you better apologize right now or I swear you won't live another day

↳ Golgot : Fine, I'm sorry Yn for saying you were a golddigger

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Apologies not accepted

↳ Yosanurgirl : THAT'S MY GIRL

Hey! Hope you liked it ? @cassymassy90000 thank you for the request and I hope I didn't disappoint you haha, I have so much fun writing little "clash", I love Nikolai but in the Fyodor's Insta, I like writing him being a bit jealous, anyway thank you for reading!!

with love <3

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #fanfic #fanfiction #request #x reader #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor dostoevsky #bsd fyodor #bungou stray dogs fyodor #female reader #fake social media #nikolai gogol #bsd nikolai #bsd yosano #bungou stray dogs yosano #yosano akiko

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #14 – And Put Away Childish Things by Adrian Tchaikovsky

This book I basically came across by chance. Or, well, not exactly chance, but I’d never even heard of it before until I checked what Tchaikovsky books my local library system had copies of and saw it. Which in a sense is a terrible way to come into this – it’s an incredibly dramatic swerve from any of Tchaikovsky’s other stuff that I’ve read – but coming in totally blind pretty much worked, I think. Genuinely very fun read.

The story follows Harry Bodie, a children’s TV presenter facing down middle age with a career that’s never really lived up to expectations. Somewhat desperately, he signs on to a tabloid-ish program about digging into the family tree, hoping to use the residual fame of his grandmother and her fairly famous and successful series of postwar children’s fantasy novels as a career boost. Instead he gets his face rubbed in the fact that his great-grandmother is only recorded as an indigent madwoman, and the famous author was born in a sanitarium. That the famous Underhill stories were, in fact, based in large part on delusions told as childhood fables and family histories.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, the stories turn out to be less delusional than previously reported. Bodie is in quick succession accosted by a faun, approached by a suspicious PI, and kidnapped by a surprisingly moneyed fan-club-cum-occult-coven. Soon enough he’s getting his first taste of Underhill first hand – or, at least, what’s left of it after a century and change of economizing and entropy.

I’m on record as being fairly dismissive about the whole category of ‘stories about stories’, and I guess I need to eat my words a bit because I actually really enjoyed this. To an extent that’s probably just because it doesn’t get too meta – storyland is a work of deliberate artifice, the stories themselves don’t shape the world or do magic, it just generally never tries to get too cute or didactic about it – but still. This is a book where the hero at one point describes his situation as ‘Five Nights at Aslan’s’ so there’s no real principled distinction for me to cut here. One of the main characters is literally a folklorist.

Though, it’s less about stories than one specific story in particular. The unremarkable schlub plucked out of their mundane life and told that they’re special, that they’re the hero or the true heir and possess some inherent numinous essence that makes them the most important person in the world. This is a terribly appealing story, and one Harry feels the lure of very keenly – he’s self-aware enough to say quite clearly that he goes back to the frozen, decaying world full of half-dead monsters less out of morality or rationality than simply because it was a place where he mattered, for good or ill.

It’s probably not reading too deeply into the book’s themes to note that the story is a lure in a fairly literal sense, or that the true heir is destined to ‘save’ the world by being hollowed out and possessed by those who came before them.

Of course as much as this is in conversation with Narnia et al, it owes at least as much to whole genre of ‘what is nostalgic children’s property, but fucked up?’ creepypasta. Fairyland is choked with fungal growths and creepy, staticy not-snow. The scampering, troublemaking faun is miserable and worn out with bad knees. The Best Of All Dogs is a rotting, terrifying hellhound. There’s even a titanic evil scary clown. Aesthetically the book owes far more to r/nosleep than Lewis Carroll.

Harry himself is an absolute delight as a main character. By which I mean he just sucks so bad, but in very mundane and endearing ways. Who among us can not relate on some level to a failing middle-aged actor who always made a point of not trading on his family name but is secretly pretty resentful it hasn’t helped him more? He refuses the call to adventure then decides his life’s kind of shit and he’d rather get stabbed to death by goblins, so he comes crawling back and begs for a second chance. He’s left a glowing magic sword that will defeat all enemies, but it’s stuck in the body of one of his kidnappers so he just runs screaming and it spends the rest of the book in an evidence locker somewhere. I love him.

I really have no idea to what degree it was intentional, but it also does rather muse me that – okay, you know the standard bit of feminist media analysis where male characters are the actors, while female characters are generally walking set decoration and plot devices? It really deeply amuses me that Harry spends the better part of the story as a magical blood bank getting led around or terrified and awaiting rescue, whereas Seitchman (our counterfeit PI/folklorist) repeatedly forces herself into things through obsessive research skills and a complete disregard for her own safety (and at one point an enthusiastic if unpracticed willingness to sword people). Though to be clear this was mostly amusing to me because it was absolutely never highlighted or commented upon.

This is probably the first book I’ve read that’s recent enough to be set during lockdown without really being a COVID novel, if that makes sense? You could set this the year before or the year after without really losing much, and it lacks the ‘this was written in quarantine’ vibe of a lot of books I read last year. But it definitely adds a sense of specificity and timeliness to it that I rather enjoyed.

So yeah, do not open it expecting anything like Children of Time, but good book!

#book review #and put away childish things #adrian tchaikovsky #sff #urban fantasy #novella

[slashersteve]

Just Hold Me

requested by anonymous

pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader

summary: Your new nightmares cause you to distance yourself from your boyfriend while he’s still healing from the wounds that could’ve killed him. Steve isn’t going to let you though, and begs you to spend the night with him.

warnings/extra tags: mentions of death, injuries, nightmares/night terrors, angst, comfort, soft and caring steve who's still healing from his own injuries :( , kissing :) , beta read, editted by me and autocorrect

note: this fic is a whole "idc about what happens in v2" because in my hc vecna gets annihilated (again) and doesn't get the chance to murder and traumatize anyone else...at least like...a little... anyway thank you for the request and as always enjoy!

✧ ✧ ✧

You were no stranger to night terrors. Hell, they were all that you had following that night you, Nancy Wheeler, and Jonathan Byers hunted and trapped the demogorgon that terrorized Hawkins in 83 and killed Nancy's best friend Barbara.

The dreams of this over 9 foot tall, inter dimensional creature that had sharp claws and rows, and rows of teeth made the nightmares you’d have before look like child’s play. Mostly because it was real, as the dream of a clown chasing you as a kid with a knife was not, but this creature? It was real, you even had the scar to prove it.

As the years passed, your nightmares would not only get worse but actually expand. You would not only hear the clicking and whistling of a demogorgon crawling through your wall or a demodog hiding in the bushes as you were typically trapped in the middle of the woods in your nightmares but also smell the stench of burnt human flesh and feel the ground shaking beneath you as you ran away from this unstoppable being. That was courtesy of the Mind Flayer last summer, of course.

After going through what you had been through, along with the others, it was just something that you’d have to, not get used to per say, but more so…deal with and work through.

The most common way was to talk to the others about it, share your nightmares and don’t let it bottle up. That’s what you and Steve did, as many times either you or him have woken up in a cold sweat and had to dial the others number to talk to each other. It was always easier if you were next to each other though, so that you could hold him or he could hold you.

And it was a system that worked, up until very recently.

These new nightmares that plagued you were on a different level of horrifying. After experiencing the dimension these creatures came from first-hand, things had taken a turn for the worse mentally (and physically as you were sure you were short of breath more frequently).

They weren't just about being trapped there, and attacked by what you and your friends who were with you elected to call demobats, or about just you getting fatally injured anymore, but rather about...somebody else and that was your boyfriend, Steve Harrington.

You've dreamt of it before, but in the week following your forced adventure to the Upside Down, it was taking a heavy toll on you because it didn't seem very far off from what actually had happened.

One of these dreams always started with you in the water of Lover's Lake, and it's deeper in your dream than it actually was. You're swimming down as fast as you could in total darkness, water filling up your lungs and your body growing heavy with fatigue, but you never stopped in the dream because you knew who you were swimming toward.

Then, you're in the Upside Down, and you can't breathe in the thick, particle filled air of this other world that mirrored yours, and instead of swimming, now you're running.

Except, you're slow, too slow and all you could hear are the horrid, loud screeches of the demobats that are in the cloudy sky above you and circling something in the distance like how vultures might circle a deteriorating animal carcass.

The red flashes of lightning are almost deafening, as if they are hitting right next to you rather than in the distance like they actually had been and you're still running in slow-motion when everything around you is not. Like the being here was teasing you, and...well he was.

You're still running, except now you're a little closer, and that's when you see who you're trying to get to. It's Steve, he's standing there covered in his own blood, and open wounds, swinging an oar to try and get the swarm of demobats away from him.

He's grunting and he is yelling, and it's echoing in your ears. You call out to him, but he doesn't hear you, and then, the swarm engulfs him and you hear a final cry before your gasping awake in your bedroom.

It takes you a moment to realize you're awake, that you're not desperately running to Steve in the Upside Down or that you were drenched in your own sweat rather than the lake water of Lover's Lake.

For a few seconds, you still hear Steve's shout of pain, echoing in your mind. When the echo is gone, and you realize you're on your own bed in the darkness of your room, you're hyperventilating and trying to catch your breath as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You don't fall asleep again, and rather stay sitting up, hugging your knees in your chest and crying until the sun begins to peak through the sheer curtains of your bedroom window.

✧ ✧ ✧

Steve was excused from his job at Hawkins Family Video because of his injuries that nearly killed him in the Upside Down and after, and because of this, you had taken up most of his shifts since you weren't a high schooler like Robin was.

For the first few days of his medical leave, you would spend everyday with him after you clocked out, even when you had a closing shift past midnight.

Recently though, you stopped doing it.

The first night you didn't go over when he knew your shift was over, he called Family Video asking where you were. Robin had been the one to answer, and had told him you left hours ago.

It was stupid of you to disappear like that without warning, you knew that, especially since what happened only over a week ago when Vecna was killing teens left and right. You scared them, you scared him, but a single phone call that night assured Steve you were okay, that you were just tired of the long shifts and needed a night to recharge and promised to tell him next time.

He understood of course, and it only made you feel bad because the real reason was every time you looked at him, you could only think of your nightmares. Every time your eyes caught the bandages around his abdomen or the still visible bruising around his neck, you felt like you couldn't breathe again.

It was worse when he'd ask you to help him switch the bandage out. His wounds simply scared you, and so did the small sounds of pain when you had to take the bloody gauze pad off to exchange for a new one. Your body would freeze over, and then...you would find a reason to leave.

After a second time of not going to visit him again, you felt bad about leaving him alone, so you asked Robin if she could go see him for you.

"I don't think I'm the one he wants to see, but if that's what you want then alright," Robin told you, "Are you okay, though? I mean...I don't see how any of us can be okay after all that...but..."

"Yeah, I'm as okay as I can be," you lied with a convincing smile, "My mom just needs me home tonight since I've been at his place all last week, could you tell him that?"

Robin stared at you for a long moment, as if she could see right through you.

"Hey," she started, "We're all friends here who experienced all that...shit, I just...want to remind you that. If something's wrong then you know it makes sense for us to talk and help each other."

You knew that, you always have and considering how Vecna took and manipulated his victims, keeping things in like this was not a great idea, and yet, you were keen on keeping it to yourself for now.

"I'm okay, Robin," you told her as you were pulling out the headphones to your walkman and putting them over your head, "Tell Steve that too, please?"

You didn't wait for an answer, already turning your music on and giving her a thumbs up.

Had you not turned your music on, you would've heard Robin's skeptical response.

"Sure, I'll lie to him for you," Robin had said before watching you walk out through the front door to go on your lunch break.

Robin visited Steve that night, and then the night after that, and then the morning after that, but this time with Dustin at her side.

Steve was sitting in bed when they came barging in, and for a moment, his eyes had lit up because he was sure you would be one of them, but when he saw Robin (again) and then Dustin and his dumb hat, Steve didn't hide his disappointment even though they had bags of food and more movies for him to keep himself occupied today.

"You guys again?" he asked.

"Hey, it's my first time coming to visit you since last week," Dustin proclaimed, offended by such a question and Robin pat his head.

"It's not you Henderson, it's me he's so excited to see again," Robin told the kid.

Dustin raised a curious brow, and asked why Robin was the one seeing him the past few days and not you. Robin shrugged and crossed her arms while Steve frowned deeply.

"She coming tonight?" Steve asked Robin, and she shrugged to him this time in response as she sat on the end of his bed and Dustin moved to set down the bags of things on the desk in Steve's room.

Steve shook his head and flipped the covers off of him when Dustin turned and grimaced.

"Dude put some pants on, there's a girl here," Dustin told him with disgust, to which Steve gave him a look because he was literally wearing boxer shorts. It wasn't good or respectful enough for Dustin, who grasped some folded, freshly washed sweatpants that were stacked on top of other folded clothes on his desk chair and tossed it at Steve.

It hit him in the chest, and Robin had let out a short laugh as she fell backwards onto his bed. Her head knocked into something hard, and she raised a brow as she stuck her hand under her head and realized she had hit her head on a book.

Steve slowly put the sweats on as he asked again for clarification, "So she isn't coming today?"

"Based on her track record the past few days, I would say don't count on it," Robin replied to him as she stared up at the book, and he scowled.

He couldn't help but be agitated that his own girlfriend was very clearly avoiding him.

At the sight of Steve's graveling, Dustin huffed and said, "It's only been a few days Steve, you'll survive, I mean, I can't even see Suzie because we're states apart."

Steve rested his unamused expression on Dustin while he pushed his messy strands of hair out of his face and said, "Henderson, you chose to date a girl who lived in Utah, and it's not just that, something's wrong, she wouldn't just stop coming to see me..."

"Maybe she's just tired of playing nurse, I know I would be," Robin said as she set the book aside, and it was her turn to get Steve's unamused glare, she cringed and said, "It's only a joke, but yeah I would say something's up."

Dustin had moved the clothes off the desk chair and sat down, and said, "Well, it has just been a week since Vecna, so maybe she just needs some space mentally."

Steve looked at Dustin for a moment, before his eyes fell down.

You were distancing yourself, that much was obvious, but the reasoning for it wasn't as obvious to Steve. He knew it wasn't out of malicious intent and that was reassuring, but he knew it wasn't for a good reason either.

He missed you, a lot, even though it's only been a few days like Dustin said. Being home all of the time on bed rest was boring, and left him alone with his thoughts for too long. His highlight the past week was you showing up to brighten his dull days spent in his room, talking to him, kissing him, and overall just being there.

Really though, he wanted you here to see that you were okay rather than you sending others to tell him that you were when everyone knew you weren't.

"She still look tired?" Steve suddenly asked Robin, and she nodded.

"No more than the rest of us, honestly, but more tired than she usually looks," she replied, leaning on one hand to look at Steve  sympathetically.

Everyone was quiet, as they too weren't strangers to a loss of sleep due to the terrifying experiences they've all had and up until now, it just wasn't as scary as before considering one of Vecna's curse symptoms was loss of sleep. He was gone now though, as far as they knew, so it wasn't that. Something else was wrong, and Steve just needed and wanted to see you.

And thankfully, Robin and Dustin were on his side with this one.

Because of Steve's gloomy demeanor, Robin held up the book and said jokingly, "Have you been so bored without her that you started to read? I didn't even know you could."

His head snapped towards her, seeing the book you had given him back when he was in the hospital to try and keep him busy when you couldn't be there due to the strict visiting hours.

"It's another joke, god, we'll get your girlfriend over here so you can get that sense of humor back," Robin said, while Dustin laughed himself. Steve shook his head, but a small smile grew on his lips regardless.

That afternoon you were restocking videos on a shift with Keith when Robin and Dustin approached you.

You knew Robin had gone to see Steve, so when you saw their concerned expressions and considered the fact they were coming to you in the middle of your shift, you automatically assumed the worst.

"Why do you guys look so upset? Is it Steve? Is he okay?" you asked the both of them almost frantically. Dustin waved his hand side to side.

"No, no Steve's o-"

"Here's an idea," Robin cut Dustin off before he could assure you Steve was okay, physically at least, "Why don't you go down there and see for yourself if he's okay."

It wasn't condescending at all when she told you that, but your heart fell like it was, like she was insulting your ability to be a good girlfriend to her best friend.

Dustin cleared his throat when he saw your torn expression and added, "He misses you, I mean, he always does even before this, which I don't see why since he used to see you everyday here..."

There was this ongoing feud between him and Dustin about Dustin believing Steve had no right to miss you after a few days or even hours that you were reminded of again. It made you want to smile.

"You should probably go see him, it was really depressing this morning," Dustin finished, making your almost smile completely vanish and be re-replaced by the same frown that's been on your face since your night terrors began.

"Look," Robin started, "Henderson is right on the money here, he doesn't want to see me, or him, or anybody else, he wants to see you, so tonight, go see him, even if just for a bit."

You inhaled deeply, but didn't say anything as you slowly began to continue shelving the tapes before Keith told you something.

Dustin and Robin looked at each other, and now he sighed, "I'm just saying, whatever is going on with you, he's probably going through the same thing, and being apart isn't helping you or him. Remember, all we have is each other, isn't that what you said a couple years ago?"

You snapped your head toward Dustin because he was right. You did say that once, after you, him, Steve, Max, and Lucas were almost killed by a bunch of demodogs. You had said it when Dustin and Lucas were arguing about who betrayed the party when you were walking in the woods, and they decided to forgive each other.

You can't believe he remembered that, but you could believe he used it to make you feel even worse about not seeing Steve. Your boyfriend's unofficial little brother was too smart at his age, you were sure of it.

They could tell by the look in your eyes that you were convinced to see Steve tonight, and when you turned around, Robin and Dustin lightly high-fived.

✧ ✧ ✧

Your shift ended just after 10 pm, and even after Robin and Dustin left, you knew you were going to force yourself to go see Steve. It was easy during work, as you could preoccupy your thoughts with helping someone find the right movie, taking out the trash, helping Keith with the returns, but when you were alone in your car, you felt that same anxiety wash over you, the kind that made your skin feel cold and your hands feel tingly and uncomfortable.

It was just Steve, your handsome boyfriend of 2 and a half years now, someone that you loved and could see yourself being with for the rest of your life if he would have you, you loved him, he was okay- injured yes, but okay.

And your nightmares were exactly what they were, nightmares, and you shouldn't let them keep you from him, not after Vecna tried to isolate Max from you guys.

When you finally made it to Steve's house, he was sitting in bed still with a book in his hands. It was the book you'd brought to him when he was still in the hospital because he needed something to do when you weren't there. He wasn't that big of a reader, but you told him to try anyways for you.

It was nice to see that he was, even though he hadn't even made it halfway through. Still, he must've been engrossed in it if he didn't even hear his door being open. He was even wearing reading glasses, and it made you smile softly.

You hadn’t seen him for a while so you took a moment to admire your boyfriend like you always did. You first let your eyes scan over his messy hair. He hasn’t been styling it because he had no reason to as of late, so his thick hair was sticking up in various directions. He was shirtless too and wearing those gray sweatpants of his.

Your eyes rested on his chest, admiring the chest hair there for longer than normal before your eyes fell to the bandage wrapped around his abdomen. That's when your smile began to falter, and the anxiety returned.

You had inhaled sharply, capturing Steve's attention finally. His eyes snapped upward, and his face instantly lit up at the sight of you.

"You're here!" he said, closing and practically tossing the book onto his nightstand and tearing off the reading glasses he didn't realize he needed until he started to read again.

Despite the anxiety bubbling in your stomach and chest, you still found yourself smiling at his excitement to see you.

"If you didn't come today, I was going to defy the doctor's orders and drive to your house," Steve admitted to you as he sat more up. He clenched his teeth then, and you knew the simple movement had hurt him, resulting in your own chest hurting too.

"I'm sorry I haven't been coming around," you said truthfully, "All the extra shifts Keith puts me on have been exhausting."

You stepped further into the room, but didn't move close enough to kiss Steve like you always did. Instead, you stayed a good few feet away from him, your eyes scanning over the untouched stacks of movies you knew Robin and Dustin had brought him.

"I promise when I'm healed I'll make it up to you," Steve told you, you hummed in response, but didn't say much else. Steve stared at the side of your face with a frown on his lips, as he expected you to sit beside him or at least get closer to him.

"Hey," Steve called, making you look at him and he pat the spot beside him, "Come here."

You hesitated, eyes flashing from the space beside him and back at him. He noticed your eyes passing over his bandages, and he grinned at you softly, "You're not going to hurt me if you sit next to me, I promise. I'm not that fragile."

You pressed your lips together, and slowly went to sit beside Steve, sitting farther from him than he had wanted you to. Steve exhaled softly and moved closer to you, raising both of his brows questionably.

"Are you sure it's just the extra shifts?" he asked you, and you nodded in response.

"Yeah, it's a lot," you replied, half-lying and half telling the truth, "I also thought you'd like a change from just seeing me."

Steve scoffed, "You think I want to see Robin and Dustin every day rather than my own girlfriend?"

You giggled then and Steve laughed too, then settled his eyes back on you, and told you, "I don't mean to be...that guy...but...I haven't seen you in a few days and I want to kiss you so bad." That made you laugh again, so you leaned in to peck him gently on the lips.

It wasn't enough for Steve though, as you felt his hand reach up to gently grasp the back of your neck and pull you toward him again. His lips met yours in a tender kiss.

Your initial concerns faded away as he kissed you, as you were reminded in this moment of how good of a kisser your boyfriend was. His lips expertly sliding against yours, and the gentle swipe of his tongue over your bottom lip that made you putty in his hands making you realize how much you've missed kissing him too.

You tilted your head, giving him more access to your lips. Steve chuckled softly when you did so, and released your lips to say, "I guess I'm making those extra shifts up to you right now."

You licked your own lips, and simply leaned in to kiss him again in response. Steve smiled before returning your kiss, this time slipping his tongue in between your lips.

You fell forward then, and just as his tongue met yours, he suddenly grunted in pain. You immediately stopped, and snapped your eyes open and saw Steve's face was in a slight wince.

"Sorry," he told you, and your eyes widened as you leaned away from him realizing in your stupor you had touched his sides, "It wasn't you, I just turned awkwardly-"

"I-I think I have to go," you said suddenly, feeling guilty for having hurt him even though he said it wasn't you who did it. You still felt like you caused it.

Steve frowned, "No, don't- don't go, at least not yet- you barely got here."

"I know and I'm sorry, Steve," you were already trying to stand but Steve caught you, his brown eyes growing sad, and you said regretfully, "It's late Steve."

"I know but, I was thinking you could spend the night," Steve suggested, and a wave of fear washed over you, not sure if that was possible without having your reoccurring nightmare, "Come on...I've been alone all day and...honestly I don't want to be alone tonight."

You thought about all the nights you've spent gasping awake from your nightmares, how you would sit alone in the darkness of your room and found that it was the same for you. Maybe actually being with Steve was the cure to them, rather than the cause.

"Yeah...I don't want to be alone either," you admitted to him, and Steve smiled weakly at you before he pulled you back on the bed with him, except this time you didn't let him pull you closer or coax you into another heated kiss much to his dismay.

Rather, you laid beside him, keeping your attention on the movie you had put on in the TV in his room. You ended up falling asleep though, your eyes fluttering shut about halfway through the film.

For the first few seconds, your subconscious was blissfully quiet, and peaceful, giving you the impression that tonight would be the first night you didn't have that night terror...well...until you heard a splash of water and a loud crack of lightning.

Steve was laying beside your sleeping figure, his eyes starting to flutter shut and join you in sleep when suddenly the bed jolted underneath him. His tired eyes snapped open, and he thought maybe he had one of those jerks or something that tend to happen before people fall asleep and they feel like they're falling, but when it happened again and a quiet whimper that he didn't make followed it, Steve knew that wasn't it.

Rubbing his eyes, he turned his head to look at you. You were laying on your side facing him. You jerked again, waking Steve up even more, and he sat up to get a better look at you.

From the light of the television that reflected on you, he could see your troubled expression. Your face was contorted, eyebrows taunt and your lips were parted. Very obviously you were dreaming, and he was willing to bet it wasn't a good one.

"Hey, babe," Steve tried, reaching one hand over to you to gently rest on your shoulder. You shook away from him, quick paced breaths releasing through your parted lips as one would when they were on a run. Steve's stomach dropped, and he ignored the pain in his healing wounds as he turned his whole body toward you, trying to shake you awake.

As he, Dustin, and Robin figured, you were suffering from nightmares, and the content of them could've been anything, but at this moment Steve just wanted to make you wake up, especially when tears began to squeeze out of your eyes and your fast breaths turned into quiet cries.

"Hey! Wake up! You're having a nightmare!" he said louder, and finally your eyes snapped open and you were gasping loudly as you jolted upward without warning. Steve had even released you as you were suddenly sitting up, hands moving over your face as you cried into them due to your night terror.

Steve sighed out of relief though that he managed to get you awake, and then he said, "Hey- hey come here, it was just a nightmare-" His hand touched your shoulder blade affectionately.

Upon hearing his voice and feeling his gentle touch on your back, you were pulled back into reality faster than the other time's you've woken up from your dream. Your breaths slowed down, and Steve gently scooted toward you, wrapping his arm fully around you as he told you quietly, "It's alright, it was just a nightmare-"

You leaned into Steve, your quiet cries turning into sobs as you sought comfort in his warm embrace, something that you didn't have these past nights and was actually depriving yourself of.

Steve held you then, letting you press your head against his chest to listen to his beating heart and the pain that he typically with every moment seemed to have subsided so that he could continue holding you.

"It's alright," he told you again softly, "I'm right here, it was just a dream...just a bad dream."

Steve didn't even know the content of your nightmares, that you were dreaming of losing him in the Upside Down, but he somehow knew it was exactly what you needed to hear. You nodded against him, nuzzling your face into his chest and taking his presence in.

After a moment of sitting here with him like this, Steve asked if you wanted to talk about it.

Your voice was hoarse as you told him not yet, but promisied you would tell him all about it later as you now realized it was something you needed to talk about in order to get through.

Steve accepted your response, knowing that you would tell him perhaps in the morning, and he asked, "Is there anything I can do right now?"

You inhaled deeply, taking in his unique scent, and replied softly, "Just keep holding me, Steve, please."

And he did.

He held you tightly against him, up until your heart calmed down and your body stopped trembling, up until you started to drift off to sleep again, which was something you couldn't do when you were alone and without him.

You don’t remember if the nightmare happened again when you fell asleep, but what you do remember is waking up still in Steve’s warm embrace with the sun barely peeking through the curtains of his window and then kissing Steve awake.

#the way this title has me sobbing #and me and this imagine almost threw hands because tumblr kept crashing and deleting everything :))))) #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #stranger things imagines #stranger things #reader insert #female reader #imagines #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfic #lys writes again