#maybe i could edit in a corgi or something instead to just follow diana around

[messandamiracle]

So, in honor of the continuing hubris-driven journey I have yeeted myself on, here’s some thoughts on Wonder Woman 2009 (DC Animated Universe). 

Now, just to preface all this, I’ve never actually seen a Wonder Woman movie/cartoon/show or anything like that before, and I haven’t read any comics either. But lemme tell y’all, I was so ready to be impressed by an absolute queen of a badass Amazon warrior woman. And the first part of the movie seemed like it was going to deliver on those expectations. The opening fight with Hippolyta and the Amazons was so great - it was nice to see that they had uniforms which (to my poor and measly brains) looked reasonably like what any soldier might have worn in ancient Greece, rather than just being glorified leather bikinis. The fact that the crown which later becomes Diana’s wasn’t just a crown but also a bladed weapon capable of decapitating a man was a fantastic touch I did NOT see coming, and the fact that Ares was let off with imprisonment due to Zeus’ interference after committing a string of heinous crimes a mile long was both on-brand for the mythical character depiction and deeply frustrating in a way that made the Amazons’ retreat quite understandable and really tragic: they couldn’t live safely in a world where justice was constantly twisted in men’s favor, to the repeated detriment and harm of all others. 

(I would die for you ma’am)

And when Diana ends up experiencing the outside world for the first time, it’s revealed that these problems haven’t gone away, which gives us some moments that are really hard-hitting. There’s the scenes where Steve Trevor shows up on the island where all he does is a) ogle women b) violate their privacy in a way that is in fact criminal, and c) repeatedly weird sexual comments about the amazons. When she goes to America, there’s a really sweet scene where she teaches a young girl to swordfight because the boys she’s playing pirates have relegated her to the sidelines as a damsel in distress, and then the girl goes off and just absolutely DEMOLISHES them.

And there’s this killer quote (which I love), “Remarkable. The advanced brainwashing that has been perpetrated against the females of your culture. Raised from birth to believe that they’re not strong enough to compete with the boys. And then as adults taught to trade on their very femininity.” As someone who grew up surrounded by a lot of male relatives, this quote hit hard and was really relatable. And then there’s (to my mind) the MOST uncomfortable scene, where Steve takes Diana to a bar and is clearly trying to get her drunk with intentions that literally COULD NOT be more suspect. 

(can you FEEL the toxicity tonight?) (also the fact that Diana looks vaguely uncomfortable with Steve in every scene she’s in with him, including the ones where it’s supposed to be romantic)

And then it hits. It’s like you can FEEL the moment when the scriptwriters were like “whoo boy, guess we better pull back on this on guys, we might have made it a little TOO feminist. Time to pump the brakes!”

Because the next thing you know, she and Steve are going on a mission to stop Ares from taking over the world (or killing everyone in it - he doesn’t really have clear-cut goals, because he feeds off human suffering but if he kills everyone then won’t he just starve to death?). And they get beaten back by Ares’ forces and there’s a whole bit where Diana tells Steve to save the world and he DOESN’T and rescues her from the flying creature that had grabbed her instead and it’s like...supposed to be this whole redemptive moment where, despite the fact that he has done nothing but be an absolute sleazeball this ENTIRE film, NOW he’s a great guy. But like, look at Diana???

This is her waking up in the hospital. You know what I see? No cuts, burns, abrasions - there’s some kind of drip or transfusion line off to the side, but it’s unclear what exactly it is. She’s not in the ICU and doesn’t seem to have been in surgery, and like five minutes later she’s off to fight again anyways. But Steve claims he’s saved her life and it’s supposed to be some kind of “moment” for them, where she realizes he “cares” and whatnot. But like, if she didn’t need saving, as evidenced by the lack of serious injury, then Steve has just put his need to /feel/ like a rescuer over actually rescuing the ENTIRE WORLD. Keep it up Stevie. That whole hospital gimmick is sure gonna mean a lot when countless numbers of her relatives are dead because of your warped sexist savior complex. And what’s even worse is, in this scene, he actually has the GALL to chastise her for her negative view of the society she has found herself in, as well as men in general, and that not every man who opens a door is part of a misogynist plot. Which, like, first of all, she has seen NOTHING in her LIFE to dissuade her from this view Steve, least of all your sad sexist hide. Second, when EVER has this been about opening doors??? This is about your harassment and toxic behaviors, you stale box of apple jacks. But then she like??? Responds?? To this crap???? And seems to BELIEVE it so some extent??? Whish, given that she has STILL seen nothing to dissuade her from her opinions is HIGHLy out of character and makes me wonder what was in that drip line. 

(excuse me while I go screech out the window in horror and rage)

This is followed by a scene in Diana’s (very cool) jet where Steve accidentally truth-lassos himself and says (I kid you not) that he isn’t as much of a pig as he seems and just acts this way because he doesn’t “want to get hurt again.” But Steve, Stevie, Stevie my dude, YOU ARE A PIG. You don’t SEEM like a pig, you ARE one. There’s a difference. And with this ONE phrase, we’re just supposed to forget the harassment, the bar scene, the ogling, and creepy behavior in general. Good GRIEF. 

It gets worse from there. At one point, Diana tells Ares “How could you hope to defeat Zeus if you can’t even defeat a girl?” which is weird and even MORE out-of-character for her, and then the president’s assistant calls the Amazons “Armored supermodels,” and apparently the whole motive for one of the Amazons betraying them by letting Ares out in the first place was woman’s inherent need to produce children being thwarted by the island’s all-female nature (which, don’t even get me STARTED, because before this whole Ares mess in the first place, Queen Hippolyta SAYS that he killed their husbands and families, so there is NO. REASON. That family options would have been off the table for the Amazons to have again in the future if they wanted them. We don’t even see the queen saying that they CAN’T have them). And the movie ends with Diana being lectured by [the pig] Steve over how she should act more feminine and let men open doors for her or some crap like she’s a child, and then it closes with her running off to fight a female villain. Which, villains can be women, it just feels like the final nail in the coffin of Diana’s forced domesticity (because apparently she and the pig are a THING now (someone please bleach my brain DIANA DESERVES INFINITELY BETTER)) that of COURSE they end with the trope of the female hero fighting the female villain now that she knows BETTER than her TERRIBLE feminist ways. 

So yeah, Wonder Woman 2009. I have to say, despite the trash hand dealt by the writers/producers/directors/whoever was responsible for this travesty, I did love Wonder Woman. She’s now one of my favorite superheroes and this makes me want to go and watch the live-action moves she’s in because I’ve heard those are a lot better. There were some parts I really loved and some parts I really hated (every frame of Steve), and way more things I could talk about. I guess I’d watch it again, if only for the absolute amazingness that is the first section and (of course) Wonder Woman. However, I shall press on in my journey. 

#like seriously #what is wrong with cinemas inability to write good female characters #or they write one and they're intimidated by the sheer power of what they've created #Wonder Woman #I love her #I would die for her #i just think she's neat your honor #dc universe #dc animated universe #dc animation #this makes me want to learn video editing #so that i can make a cut of this movie with just steve edited out #like no one else is there steve is just gone #maybe i could edit in a corgi or something instead to just follow diana around #that would be a way better decision #wonder woman 2009 #on we go #goodbye my sanity #how far through this list am i #good grief there's 51 movies #why do i keep forgetting this #in this house we stan diana