#maybe trying to go realism isnt actually my thing

[catenation]

Bido is gonna be the show stealer here isnt he. I wanna know what his relationships and general opinions are towards the other characters that end up in this main group of yours

cracks my knuckles (and also thank you so much for sending all these i feel the spirit of Story entering me once more)

in rough order from goodest to baddest:

greed: i could write entire essays about greed and bido even just in the context of what little we see of their relationship in canon but suffice it to say things are complicated in there. on the one hand theyre undeniably close. even disregarding how close i think they were before, just by process of elimination at the start of this theyre each flat out the most important person in each others life. bido has incredible depths of trust and admiration and care and Yearning for greed and greed in return also trusts bido completely, admires him, and loves him in his own "when i call you my possession it definitely definitely definitely doesnt mean my bff" way.

...the problem here is that on the other hand, he did tell bradley during the fight in the sewers that none of his henchmen are his friends. and bido heard that. and greed doesnt tell lies. Whoops.

having all his friends murdered, on its own, is pretty detrimental to greeds progress towards admitting (to himself as well as others) the One Big Thing. the good thing about this is that at least he does still have a guy left who he cares about enough to value HIS feelings on the subject, but the problem is dragging those feelings out into the open in the first place, and bido is going to have to be the one to do it. godspeed.

mei: she comes barreling into his life right as hes in the process of lighting the match to burn all his bridges. needless to say that match winds up tossed into the river. no one is immune. he hasnt gotten along with many kids in the past but mei is polite and earnest enough that he very quickly gets attached and starts thinking of her as part of the group, no matter how bad the fear gets that now he has someone else to lose.

everyone in this group has strong similarities that i think make them really good as a team, and with mei and bido, they each have baseline-quiet personalities interrupted by strong outbursts of emotion, especially getting really mad when they sense an injustice. theyre also both hopeless romantics and optimists at heart, even though bidos had decades to get jaded by his experiences and try to couch his hopes in realism, and mei sort of brings that back out in him, the realization that maybe the world Can be a better place. and in turn he teaches her that sometimes you have to hedge your expectations and work with what youve got. balance......

scar: so. scars got some Hangups, around chimeras. one of the first scenes i pictured when i was brainstorming this was bido and scar discussing nina, and bido bringing his own perspective on what he did that wouldnt really be what scar expected. everything about bido kind of throws scar off a little bit. he isnt sure what to make of him, whether to feel pity or disgust or?? ?compassion? (he is so burnt out on compassion but he cant help it either) (neither of them can help it)

in the end getting to know bido helps scar to realize that despite whats been done to him hes still just. A Guy. and in doing so helps him along the long road to accepting that he, too, is just A Guy.

yoki: bido does not like yoki. yoki is both all things that grate on him in a person (acts like hes still rich, snobby, selfish) and at the same time way too similar to himself for his own liking (weird little man, complains a lot, always scurrying about). he makes him self-conscious in a way he does not like at All. unfortunately for bido yoki (at some point along the line that im still not 100% solid on) decides inexplicably that he has to be Nice to bido and it drives him up the wall because he thinks hes patronizing him but its actually because i thought making yoki the ignored one-sided third point on a love triangle would be really funny.

marcoh: oh he likes marcoh even less than yoki. bidos experiences have created in him a serious distrust of any and all doctors, whether theyve been forced to quit the profession or not, and especially ones associated with the government. marcohs sadsack attitude does not endear him to bido at all and he spends most of his time glaring at or avoiding him. eventually he gets used to him being around, at least enough to stop registering him as a threat, and i do want them to talk at least once, but the two of them are probably the weakest bond in the group all things considered.

i hope very strongly that my bido characterization is enough to make people as excited about him as i am......maybe i can pull in some new bido fans with this. thats really like a solid 80% of the goal here

#bido #greed #mei #scar #yoki #marcoh #q&a

[slowjamastan]

What do you think of sufin and what are your squicks when reading a fic about nordics?

kissing you on the lips im going to rant so much

SuFin is my everything

theyre my bread and butter and toast and jam and all the other things on top idk powdered sugar etc. changed my LIFE that my middle school yaoibait fandom straight up got told by word of god himself that One Guy (who is normal fr this wasn't one of the ones who is always naked or sm) was madly unequivocably and eternally in love with That Other Guy. this was such a big deal for me and still is lbr

SuFin is peak they are my bella and edward this is my thenotebook. AND they are canonically not together and over the years ive seen a pattern of fans who are either familiar with actual swedish-finnish relations or doing research into them concluding over and over that finland would not seriously go for sweden, outside of AUs or jsut bending canon bc they really want them together (valid.......)

i love when fin is holding grudges or uncomfortable with the implications of seriously pursuing a relationship with his former (current, culturally?) oppressor so they try to keep it casual and Fail Severely, OR, my #1 favorite dynamic, Finland is fully a straight man who is like "soz but we can be friends bro lmao" and calls sweden homophobic slurs behind his back (but no one else is allowed to but him, obviously). (this is for my personal funnyvalue and ive rarely rareeeeely seen this. im right tho.)

other than that last thing basically i think its very good if they Are mutually in love but logistics and politics and realism and everything keeps them apart or maybe just closeted about it. but they have shared custody of the dog and the kids etc and have couple fights that are more serious than most but are the most steady and happiest couple on the planet overall. soulmates Real. i love sufin its good in every flavor really ummmmmmmmmmm except hyperukefied finland

thats a good lead in to part 2 of this question actually

Nordic Fic Squicks / please stop doing this, im gonna read it anyway, but still

th's k'nd' typ'ng st'le...... y'kn'w wh't ' m''n

denmark and sweden r always angry and trying to beat each other up... we read the same comic, right? theyre buddies now cmonnn

the dynamic that's like DenNor, SuFin, and Iceland is alone 4evr

WHEN THE DENNOR + SUFIN GROUP DYNAMIC UKEFIES NOR AND FIN UNTIL THEYRE BASICALLY UWU GORLS... stop imposing hetero dynamics on gay ships i will Kill You. at least do it to everyone equally...

somewhat related, my ideal nordic five dynamic is Everyone Is A Divorced Dad and iceland is making fun of them on TikTok. second best dynamic is SuFin real, then Den + Nor are amicably divorced and iceland is their shared custody grown child making fun of them on TikTok

^iceland would not use tiktok he is a euphoric intellectual freak

when they make just norway a girl for no reason. babe, no one even draws nyo!norway that well...you're just projecting your desire to be fought over by hot buff men onto this poor dude. stop making me see this. you fucks have been doing this for over a decade.

ignoring history in canonverse. when ur writing modern present-day anything they have all known each other for like, ever. why would they act like they've just met..??? im not asking for tons of research, just awareness of who these characters are, like, at all

please just write the puffin out. no one rly likes him i prommy

scandinavian trio being Weird and Tense around each other in modern day. i disagree SO much, these guys would be hilarious

not realizing that smack halfway between nor and ice's birthdays is (give or take a few days) denmarks constitution day... himaruya......

overreliance on stereotypes. this is a general hetalia complaint

can we talk about the human names ive been dying to complain about the human names!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just a little bit ill keep it to a minimum

tino isnt a feasible finnish name berwald isnt a good swedish name a lot of the common popular other ones get misspelled or just sound bad, and u cant just give them christian names for their early lives im sooooo serious give them old norse names pre-baptization pleaaaassseeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somewhere deep in my #post tag i ranted ab my old name timeline for each of them but ive changed my mind a few times since then

for finland im a Timo truther and i have been forever

sweden is such a björn but also i like when his name at least starts with ber- .... but yall r so right when u said bjorn he does deserve that

im also a norway changes his name every few years truther. i think its funny and that he would do that

denmark is a magnus, period, formerly a magni, and this is my hill to die on

iceland makes me insane i change my name hc for him every so often but i have a few first and lasties for him for make me HOUUUGH like SoS turned me on to hrafnsson as a surname which makes me go insane now. im also a changes his name frequently truther for this guy but in a more nuanced way than nor does it

ran out of things to complain about but more will hit me later im sure, thank u for coming to another aphws ted talk by andy. MWAH

#post #aph

[marsixm]

i feel the way i do about what id describe as camp bc fiction is fiction and so many people take zero advantage of that and while realism has its place its expectedness is so boring like things dont need to be a special genre to get to be fun and interesting visually or texturally, stylization and dramatization should be more utilized by artists and creators as a whole but not enough people have the vision

#i got to this by thinking about AHS like truly ryan murphy gets it #i need to catch up with more of his work #and im not putting realism #in an untouchable box but we need to not uphold realism as such a pillar #like id say sherlock- my favorite show and by far an unbelievably well made show- FEELS both realistic and VERY stylized #and the realism it does have isnt there to be the canvas its very deliberate in setting an atmosphere #and where its not realistic is for a purpose #and im not saying every atom in a movie or show needs a purpose but maybe i am becsuse i think ‘overall enhancing the mood/just being #interesting’ can be a ‘purpose’ #thats another thing i love about twin peaks actually! that the characters sometimes do weird random shit but that in turn makes them feel #more human. which i guess contradicts calling for less realism but theres like good realism and bad realism #anyway theres a lot going on in these tags just #maybe what im trying to say is the ideal creative mindset is part camp part aestheticism part just putting the effort in and being extra

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3

#21y redeemed fool #mists of celeste #moc: spoilers #caly answers #sorry i wrote you a whole essay in response oh my god?!?? #T_T

[shootmethroughmyhead]

I think I finally figured out what bothers me about Firebringer.

Admittedly there's a lot that bothers me about Firebringer, but I'll focus on the one thing that bothered me for the most and longest, and finally figured out today.

Now... this isn't a hate post or rant or anything. I know Starkid worked hard on Firebringer and did their very best, I acknowledge that and respect it,,, but there's problems in Firebringer I don't want to ignore and want to talk about.

Controversial topic... Jemilla and Zazzalil's relationship. Yeah, I know. Feel free to unfollow or scroll past but I really do need to get this off my chest.

There's the half where people absolutely love the ship and think it's amazing, and then the other half where they aren't a fan of it..... and I'm on that side. Jemilla and Zazzalil's relationship always had rubbed me the wrong way, and I never knew why until now.

There' no development. I know I know, "They're cavemen, they don't care about development in relationships!1!1" You're probably right, maybe cavemen only had sex and had no romantic feelings. I wouldn't know, I dont know if there's any evidence or proof to say so.

But Starkid never goes for realism or 100% accuracy. Like, why stop there? Why draw the line at that? I wouldn't care that there was no development if there never was any in the musical... But there is.

I loooove Grunt and Emberly, adored them. They're sweet dumbasses, I fucking love that shit, they're the physical embodiment of "pure of heart, dumb of ass." They're kind to each other and genuinely seem in love,,, but it bothers me that they get development.

Why. They aren' the main characters, the story isnt about them. Why do we get to see THEM start a relationship and see it grow. We get two songs about them and, I don't know, like 20, 40 minutes of them on screen together fleshing it out? Why couldn't that go to Jemilla and Zazzalil?? Why didn't we get to see them develop the same way Grunt and Emberly did? Yeah, we get a song, but I never got the same feeling or vibes as J did with Just a Taste or Paint Me.

Maybe its just me. Maybe I completely miss the romantic tone and vibe in the one song they have to set their relationship up. It's possible, but why not make it clearer? It's totallt possible I'm just stupid, but reading the lyrics and listening to the song I don't get the vibe. I don't get the feeling that it's THAT song. Everytime I watch that moment, I never get the feeling I did like I did for Just a Taste/Paint Me.

It just makes me think of two people, who once disliked each other, hell even dispised each other, had to overcome it and work as a team to save the people they love, their village, qnd get to understand and even appreciate other. Like, I thought this was the moment they were finally going to become friends and respect each other and come to care for each other!!

I thought that scene would of played out like Jemilla seeing how being risky and trying something new can actually be good and even necassary to do things and advane, and Zazzalil begrudely respects and even thinks it's cool to think and plan, and being rational and level headed. But that never happened, and then they ended up together, very randomly???? I never expected it, I never saw it coming. I was thrown in for loop, exactly like how jarred I was with the whole Chorn reveal.

Their relationship felt like it was added in afterwards. Like it wasn't given the same amount of time and work like other parts were. We get to see the other characters grown and change and development in their own ways, but we never saw that in their relationship. We get to see in Grunt and Emberly, but they weren't the focus of the show. They were just a side plot until it got intertwine with the main plot. Which is another thing that bothers me, the plot. It's messy, (not that it's always a bad thing, all Starkid shows are a little messy, like TTO for example), but it's kinda too messy?

Like Chorn's reveal with no set up or without a single clue, Molag constantly breaking the fourth wall to speak with the audience, the jokes in the middle of something going on that aren't always progressive or moving the plot along, just there for laughs. Grunt and Emberly's whole love story. Like, why was it even in the show? Was it to add more time, more script, was the show too empty, was ot just to break up the main story? Take Grunt out and the show would of gone exactly the same, this time Snarl would take a villager and not an outsider. Like I said I absolutely adore Grunt and his relationship with Emberly, but the show could of gone on without it and nothing would of really changed. Jemilla and Zazzalil could of had that time.

I guess it's disappointing, especially to me, that Starkid's first show that had two main characters that were WLW didn't get to properly develop it's relationship, while the straight relationship does.

I'll probably edit this properly in the morning, but yeah that's pretty much it. Tell me what you think. Yell at me, unfollow, agree, whatever. Good night,, love y'all 💕

#just a simple minded gay's writing #theres a lot of talented people who worked on firebringer and i be stupid to not see that #but like #theres just too many things i cant overlook #i wrote this at one in the morning now its six but i dont wanna edit this yet #firebringer

[kweebtrash]

Hey, not necessarily a sex question. But as someone who loves reading fanfic and appreciates fanfic writers, I still can't bring myself to write it. How did you get into writing fanfic, and was it ever weird for you? Do you have any advice on how to feel less weird about it? Especially smut about real people? (To be fair I can't bring myself to write smut in general idk why)

I started writing naruto and yu yu hakusho fanfiction when i was ten and it was just a regular oc and the character i liked. It wasnt good at all but i thought it was the greatest. When i met my sister (non biological) in middle school we decided to come up with our own "anime story". We would write it in notebooks and pass it to each other during class and get in trouble for it. So i guess that was the first time ive written an "original" story. By the time i was 12 i knew what sex was (mostly) and i knew teenagers did it (my characters were teenagers) so i was like oh if they like each other then they should do it. But because i was 12 i was like THATS ICKY TO WRITE ABOUT (in detail) so i made them get in bed and then skipped ahead and wrote THE NEXT DAY 😂😂😂

Then when i got access to a laptop and internet thats when i round "real" fanfiction online and smut back when it was called "lemon/lime/citrus" whatever the fuck that means. I still remember my first one was about neji hyuga LMAO.

I started reading more fanfiction throughout my teenager years and kept writing for anime, wrote bandfiction, created a bunch of OCs to rp with my partner at the time and i think by the time i actually started having sex that i was like ok this isnt so weird to write about anymore. So when we would rp we would just text each other sex scenes and i guess it became normalized because we were doing it irl so writing about it was just like hey! We sorta know what were doing! Oh i also used to watch a lot of porn as a teen? Idk why. That stopped after like a year or so but i found out shit through that, like bdsm, squirting, how utterly gross blowjobs are, what a hitachi wand was, how much i hate spit, etc. So that actually helped me discover like my beginning kinks. Porn is still terrible tho.

I think the first time i wrote smut was with a wrestling fanfic? And i had been reading a bunch of fics that had smut and with my basic knowledge and slowly finding out what phrases i liked in order to describe things it flowed a little more naturally but it was still hard.

Then i think i didnt really write much until i wrote my pentagon story which i think is terrible but other people like it. I guess with my practicing, experience, and sex education it started becoming easier? You can tell in my pentagon story that i was still getting back into the swing of things bc my sex scenes are atrocious and ridiculous 😅

I never really liked reading series myself bc i didnt want just prose and build up. I wanted smut. I was like THATS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR. So i made it a point to write smut in every single chapter so that way people stayed interested. In doing so it also helped me practice and get better. Then i read A LOT of bad kpop fics and was like....why dont these people know that sex isnt like porn??

There is a lot of copying in kpop fics in the sense that a lot of them are written the same way and we get the usual; some u realistic giant dick, "ministrations, pussy, cunt", kitten every other word, thigh riding, everyone confusing abuse with bdsm, "daddy" popping up left and right without going in depth to what meaning that holds, random weird shit. And i realized WOW I REALLY HATE KPOP FANFICS lol. So when i started writing messy i was like OK FUCK THIS IM GONNA WRITE SEX LIKE HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO. Then i starting writing smut where the condom broke, they talked about birth control, having a mental breakdown during sex, sexual assault, accidentally wacking each other while moving around, giggling, talking, explaining what you want. This i think helped me a lot, especially with my mental trauma that was associated with sex. I wanted to make it fun and real while also possibly teaching my readers about sex and maybe influencing other fic writers to not just regurgitate what they read.

As far as advice, im not quite sure if i have any?? Maybe i do lol. Take it with a grain of salt maybe?

With writing i would suggest

Read fics you like and highlight key phrases or actions you think are sexually appealing

Practice writing shorter scenes, you can even do time stamps or drabbles, things like that-people love those on here

Look into things. Honestly i knew what a cock ring was but someone requested i USE it in a fic and i was like shit guess i gotta google how to use a cock ring and while awkwardly watching videos of guys putting these things on i learned about metal ones, cages, silicone, rubber, rings, how long you should keep it on for, etc. So RESEARCH! is key too

If youve never had sex before that also helps if you research. Porn can give you a little bit of knowledge in generic motions or toys to use but by no means is it great as far as realism and sometimes its just plain icky.

So porn can be a basis, research can be a middle layer, reading other fics and seeing what you like and dont like is on top, and writing ur own is like...idk frosting lol.

As far as being weird with real people; since i wrote bandfiction and wrestling fics i was used to writing about real people for a little under ten years or so. Also i have a really active mind at night and i have tons of sex dreams that fit into like a story based setting. Thats where all my ideas for prose, dialogue and smut come from. Not everyone ofc has a brain like that but writing down things here and there might work. Lets say you have a favorite idol moment-like some really slutty dance move during a performance, you could time stamp that for inspiration. Save a lot of gifs and pics of them looking *chefs kiss*, listen to some music (i like alina baraz, sabrina claudio, galant, alex tbh, and jooyong for softer, gentler scenes or if you wanna get freak nastie listen to some dumbass jae park, or pretty ricky, or any sex related song thats not pretty lmao. Like rude boy by rihanna or something with a hard beat).

I think its also good to try and picture yourself in a sexual situation. You dont have to look like you, you could make up however you want to look in the scenario, its fantasy after all. Also think "would i like this?" Like i wont write about some idol spitting in my mouth or slapping me or peeing on me or something because thats not stuff that im into and i would be forcing myself to appease someone else and the writing woukd end up sucking big time. This also doesnt help the lack of good fics bc people are just following the requests they get even if they dont like it. I would write about what i think id feel in the moment. Id probably be nervous or if im pretending i could be a cool badass, i would think about things that i find attractive like his (imma use his bc i do write mostly about boy idols) face in the shadows of the light, how nice or soft his lips look, they way hes conveying emotions and looking at me if we were in love or if we were angry, the hold he has on me, why would it be going slow? Is it sad makeup sex? Is it a first time together? Is it just comforting after a bad day? Why would they be rough? Are they angry? Had a fight? Had a slow burn relationship and its culminated into a big explosion? Did they hate each other but hide their true feelings?

So i would suggest not just thinking about sex but thinking about the moment and all the things that lead up to, happen during, and the aftermath of it.

And of course if you don't understand anything or need more info about sex you can always ask me!

I hope this help and sorry its long😅😅😅😅

#i love my readers!

[mamusings]

Supernatural Season 2 thoughts

Continuing with my rewatch. This season kicks up several gears on season 1. Overall the storytelling is much better. There is a less formulaic approach to the even the MOTW episodes. Its inventive: you get one from the perspective of the ghost (Roadkill), two that layer in the boys run ins with the law. The first 4th wall breaker (Hollywood babylon), first alt reality (What is and what should never be) and I think the first straight up comic one (Tall Tales). This works much better. S1 episodes give you: a kill, work out the lore, find the creature and kill it right back. Instead of s1 espousing the lore and developing the brothers as a team, we now get to explore the show's moral compas and the complexity of what brotherhood means within it. I think Hollywood Babylon riffs off ditching the initial importance placed on accuracy in how Spn presented itself in it's own storyline. Yep we like story telling thank you, realism isnt really the point. The monsters and sub plots more clearly refract on the season themes and plot.

Supporting characters are another aspect of the shows blooming. They are a much more varied and interesting bunch. Gordon helps explore a key issue for the show - the distinction between being a hunter and a killer. Its significant he appears twice - it's a big issue. The psychics Andy and Ava are fun. Bank heist dude Ronald garners the right mix of derision and respect - I'm not sure spn homages to freaks and geeks hit the right note most of the time. And theres the Roadhouse crew and Bobby who really help flesh out what can become an overly confined universe.

The first third explores grief. You get the contrast in Sam and Dean's personalities in how they try to deal with John's death. But you also get the sense of them learning from each other as the season progresses. Dean tries talking. Sam tries keeping busy. Both grow while staying themselves. Nice. You also get a switch from s1 dominance of Dean's concern for Sam, with Sam's concern about Dean's increasingly high octane behaviour here and it's a nice switch. With grief you get guilt. Sam's is the easier too little too late regrets. Dean's is the motherload of guilt that John sacrificed himself for him. Given the shows dominant theology is Christian I find it hugely interesting that the focus here is on the receiver of the sacrifice. The overwhelming guilt Dean feels underpins the opening episodes, gets hammered home in Crossroads and then comes back for an even bigger bite when Dean does the same to Sam in the finale. Bobby's anger with Dean and Sam's devastation leaves me little doubt that as much as we all love that Sam is back, Dean did wrong here. Although maybe Dean's guilt comes from his low self worth. Sam might cope very differently?? But I do think the zombie episode declarations of 'what is dead should stay dead' make the point that thus wheeling and dealing with death cant be good. I personally find the idea that moral rules dont apply to Sam and Dean because of love is a weak one. I think fandom does spn a disservice by reducing something really complicated here into 'well they are soul mates'. Loving someone is not an excuse to chuck the rules out the window. But maybe the show itself descends into a moral free for all with no underpinning message and the blame lies there? I'm not sure. In a way that is what I'm trying to figure out with these commentaries.

What works better in explaining why Dean does to Sam what John did to him is the other big theme of season 2: the idea that right and wrong isnt black and white. This is the focus of lots of episodes some of which explore whether hunters are just killers. And others that explore at what stage something becomes evil and why. Both these questions are crucial in relation to Sam's destiny and how each of them should respond to that destiny. The first half of the season sees Dean trying out his fathers black/white approach and the hardening off of himself he thinks he needs to achieve in order to kill Sam should that becomes necessary. Its the mid season finale that finally answers that one for Dean. Sam goes proper bad, Dean doesn't kill him. Along the way, with Sam's prompting, Dean questions not only his father but also the morality he had assumed of his hunting so far. How Dean outgrows John is a huge theme for me. I find it fascinating because he remains the same kind of man as John. Tough, difficult etc he diesnt become Sam. What he changes ir accepts are that what he prizes isnt what John prizes, but rather the people he loves and he learns that this isnt a failing or a weakness. But it's a long long road.

Sam wrestles with the fact that he may turn evil trying to find ways to hope and ways to cope. He takes a leaf out of the Dean playbook at gets drunk. He prays. He looks for a safety net getting Dean's to promise to off him. Dean promises to save him, but the message in Heart is that sometimes the only way to save someone is to kill them. However, the other message is solving things one step at a time, making the right play for the circumstances and not drawing one arbitrary line somewhere - be it between people and non-people or even that evil acts make you irredeemably evil. Slippery stuff, but that's what makes it interesting.

One thing I really like in this season is how the brothers begin to influence each other. They are still a study in contrasts, but they try out each others approaches and they've learned to value what the other brings to the table. As Sam says in the opener they have just started to be brothers again. Their relationship is so supportive that the comic Tall Tales reminding us how much they wind each other up is a needed counterpart lest things get just too damn sweet. The disturbing siblings at the centre of 2 episodes is also sends the message that it ain't all roses too. Andy has an actual evil twin. The ending of Playthings with the sisters is filled with creepy foreboding is particular to this episode. One sister gives her life up for the other and it feels wrong. Of course its foreshadowing other famous brothers but let's leave that alone just now.

In terms of Sam and Dean, their brotherhood seems to have kicked the S1 Sam and Dean team up into formidable. Their run-ins with law enforcement moves our perception of them beyond boys hunting into being increasingly impressed as they outwit cops and feds. It also moves their interactions with outsiders beyond gratitude from victims towards validation from peers and this feels important. There's the seamless teamwork with code words and all. But more importantly trust and loyalty - Sam is unswayed under police questioning in The Usual Suspects. Folsom Prison Blues most explicitly highlights Dean's almost fanatical sense of loyalty and paying your dues.

This pays off in the final two parter. As strong as All Hell Breaks Lose 2 is, part 1 is a yawn fest. But what is interesting is that while Sam does his best to found a team, Azazel can just pluck them off one by one by appeals to each person's individual self interest. The only one of the psychics who gets that the only way to win is to stick together is Sam. In my view Sam learned this from Dean. Dean is always playing the stronger together card. At this point in the show, brotherhood is about solidarity, trust and loyalty. That's actually the message here far more than love. Of course they love each other. But that alone wouldn't have got them this far. What gets them here is sticking together. When Dean finally surpasses John in killing Azazel he gets his moment of John unqualified approval and love. But right after comes the key dialogue of the season. Sam says 'you did it' and Dean replies 'I didnt do it alone'. That seems to me to highlight what's been going on so far. Learning not to do it alone. Learning to lean on and accept others. That's where the Winchester boys outgrow their upbringing and themselves.

Addendum: the angel episode House of the Holy deserves a mention. Its so finely balanced between being about angels and not when viewed on it's own. Its only on rewatching that the effects and props leave you in no doubt that even if F. Gregory isn't an angel this episode is about angels. Its curious as to why it's in season 2 rather than maybe in s3 - no angel appears until season 4. I refuse to count Gabriel in s3 as an angel appearance as he's for many seasons yet still just the trickster. So why? Maybe it's to help us understand the significance for Sam? Angels give Sam hope - making it even more awful for him that he is the object of their suspicion. Or is it about the need for faith, which tellingly Dean hadn't got.

#supernatural #spn #sam #dean #winchester

[leftnipsdoodles]

here’s my thoughts on villains ‘deserving’ a redemption arc (but also i end up just rambling abt uc4):

a redemption arc shouldnt be the end all be all. redemption isnt the only character development a villain can go through. there’s positive AND negative development, not to mention there’s stagnant characters too

and redemption just isnt interesting for all of them, plain and simple. if a villain e.g. has murdered the protag’s family bc of a genuine moral code they follow, then i think it can be terribly boring to have their story revolve around changing those morals and instead seeing it the protagonist’s way

in fact, i find the assumption of ‘our heroes are right, their moral code is right, anyone who doesn’t follow it is wrong’ pretty stupid. it’s extremely one-sided. obviously, it works for a lot of media, but not all of it.

im thinking, e.g., if rafe from uncharted 4 had gotten this treatment, it wouldve ruined his entire character AS WELL AS nathan’s & sam’s. our protags here aren’t saints. they kill and steal and take advantage of ppl for their own ambitions. even when nate goes on to lead a ‘more moral’ life, he still does it to satisfy his desire for adventure. it’s still selfish, to a degree. he’s just found a more stable way to go about it. rafe wasn’t much different from the two (more like the other side of the same coin), but more unhinged.

nate and sam wanted adventure. they wanted the action. they didn’t care what other ppl did or didn’t know, as long as they knew it themselves. they’ve always lived on the outskirts of society anyway. rafe on the other hand was born into the spotlight. he wants the adventure too, but only if he gets the recognition for it. he wants to BE someone. he wants an identity that isn’t ‘his parents’ son’. our protagonists AND our villain don’t have noble ambitions. they’re just that: ambitions. it’s neutral. there’s no real objective judgement to make here.

which is why i think rafe is one of the best villains ever written. he’s undeniably a bastard, but he’s human. he doesn’t have a tragic backstory, he’s just a guy who grew up never having to prove anything / having anything he achieves invalidated bc of his background (even our protag is guilty of this!). and it made him miserable, bc deep down all of us want to be our own person. we want to achieve sth. and along the way of trying to become someone, he was blind to all the things he already excelled at (like smooth talking or fencing). or maybe those just weren’t things he himself managed to value, bc they weren’t what he WANTED to be good at. like i said, it’s very human. (and also a central theme of the game: wants vs needs and if and how we can combine the two)

if, at the end of uc4, rafe had been redeemed. he had said ‘you’re right nate, and i’m wrong, i’m sorry for everything i did and it’s not gonna happen again’, it would’ve been unbelievable. bc he wasn’t wrong. and neither was nate. it would’ve simplified the issue, which might’ve been fine in a work that wasn’t aiming for realism in its themes, but not this one.

having rafe be stubborn, having him give in to his anger and obsession, it was a believable conclusion. i wouldn’t have wanted to see a rafe whose complex personality was cast aside for an ostensibly ‘happy’ ending. (also it wouldve ruined the whole ‘is it or isn’t it’ concerning the pirate curse bc ooohh that was some good shit lmao anyway) and it’s also interesting bc it mimics sam’s conclusion: both sam and rafe couldn’t let go of their wants for their needs, in the end. and the fact that one of them gets to live like that while the other has to die bc of it, just shows further that it’s more complex than ‘this is the right/wrong way to live’.

sam: you don’t deserve it rafe: you do? last i checked, we’re all a bunch of thieves digging around where we shouldn’t

^that exchange is rly what it all comes down to. we, the player, ARE on the drakes’ side. we do think they’re the ones who deserve it, bc we’ve been playing their story. we know that avery’s treasure is sth so important to their family; we know they’ve been after it since they were kids, basically; we know it has a connection to their late mother, whom they both hold in such high regard; we know sam was in prison for 15 years for this treasure and that it’s the only dream/hope he had during this time. it’s incredibly personal. but just because we know all this, just because emotionally we’re on their side, doesn’t mean that makes them right. they don’t ACTUALLY deserve the treasure. it’s not theirs just bc it holds emotional significance to them. it had emotional significance to rafe, too. and if we had been playing rafe’s story instead, if we had seen him grow up and what the fame of finding this treasure would give HIM; would we still be on the drakes’ side? or on his? how would we judge his ruthlessness and his ambitions then? would we be talking about the drakes’ ‘deserving’ a redemption arc and to see things his way?

im clearly struggling to put my thoughts on this into comprehensible words so uhhh i just hope y’all get the gist lol

#delete later

[doubleddenden]

Journal time:

More hard work: got gas with dad, had to deal with a huge and sudden wasp nest under a gas cap, garbage, dog feeding, the usual.

I reckon today I had a bit of a relapse with my feelings over the mom incident back in may. I can't say there's ever a day that goes by where I don't think about it at least once, but I was at least at a point where I didn't bring it up. Last night I had a nightmare about it all again and... yeah. So many posts today just kept bringing it up too. I still have a lot of bottled in aggression about it all. I even find myself checking my blocked messages and calls from her, but there's never any there. It almost upsets me, but what can i do? I made my offers to her and she refused em. All that's left to do is distract myself from the thoughts.

So I got a bit of recording in SAO FB done. I'm a bit disappointed that the next full DLC isnt out yet, but there's some neat costumes to work towards I guess. That and I'm almost done leveling all of the affections for story related characters to max. That means that soon I'll be able to A. Resume normal gameplay, B. Give more side story stuff, C. Make preparations for editing the weird shit into the inevitable fanservice episode so it doesn't tear its ugly head in the rest of the playthrough, and D. Get all three endings. Then I can put the game down until Betrayal of Comrades and add more to it with Ten.

I got a bit bored and paranoid that I maybe didn't meet the 10 card swipes required to avoid my banking fee, so I went to town for a bit to kinda splurge. I was actually able to get Dairy Queen for once without it being crowded! Btw, I don't go for the ice cream. I go for the Flamethrower burger. It's the burger that made me appreciate vegetables on my burgers! And it's good and SPICY!

While there, a family of three sat near me and when my food arrived, the dad smells it in the air and asks what I ordered. I tell him politely.

"Smells good and spicy! I'll give you $2 for a bit!"

So I tear off a small bit and let him have some and I get the money. Bites into it and immediately spits it out and drinks his coke almost angrily

"THAT AINT SPICY THATS ACID SON"

The wife just mouths "I'm so sorry" and his little boy is just losing it. When we're all leaving the boy said I was cool and gave five, and his dad is just "Ju-Just come on, son!"

I dethroned a king in the Dairy Queen tonight. I don't know what he was sovereign of, but I did it.

After that I went to walmart to look around. I saw an old friend i knew in elementary but uhhh i nervously had to go. I wasn't prepared for conversation and I looked like shit so I quickly ended the convo. I did explore a bit and found that they're selling good transformers again, lol. Not nearly as good as the Armada/Energon days but eh, better that the whole press this button to transform thing they were trying to advertise. I also found a 77 cent 2 liter coke (later revealed to be 66 cents) and found Valkyria Chronicles for PS4 for 10 bucks in the clearance aisle. It's got good reviews so I bought it and I'm doing an an LP now.

So it's basically Historical Fiction AU so to speak. Kinda combine the aesthetics from FMA and something like Howl's moving castle and throw in a notch down from the war terrors of children of the whales with more realism, and you get the setting. Basically a tiny neutral european not European nation has to defend against a nation after their shot. Gameplay is a tactical shooter in which you select characters on a map and take direct control with a sort of metered hybrid turn based shooter. It's a lot less complicated than it sounds.

My favorite character is NOT either of the main or side characters but the bland Town Watchman they assign as your third party member for jo other reason than he's just there, he's great at shooting and blocking bullets with his face, and he's just awesome. I hope I can keep him.

Positives:

Life: good food, drink, and a game for around $18 all together. Not bad.

General: games are a great escape from reality.

#den's journal of positives

[noctisluciscaelumcxiv]

Yo have i ever talked abt how much I actually really like xenoblade chronicles x’s ost? Bc i do! I think its really unfair that people hear the handful of horrible music in the game and dismiss the entire thing as a whole! Sawano really did some fun, interesting things with the ost. What i have seen is most people’s gripe with it is that it’s too different from xenoblade chronicles. As we all know, xc’s ost is very....not sure hlw to word it? Grand? Its like the super mario galaxy ost of the xeno series. Very orchestral and deliberate. I attribute this to the fact that Not only Ace+ worked on it but Mitsuda and Shimamora as well! Thats alot of people! And all with similar styles of composition! Im pretty sure xcx had ONLY Sawano. One dude, wanting to do HIS style of music that HE feels best suits the game, and honestly? I think jt did. Xcx is VASTLY different from xc imo. I would say it is FAR less serious that xc in tone, so the music reflects that to me. I mean, sure the initial story is kinda heavy but the way its presented? Its pretty “80’s sci-fi adventure” to me! Whereas xc has this tone of....well....I’d probably compare it to maybe....huh. Its the complete opposite of 80’s sci-fi i can at least say that. The game takes its story very seriously. And the music reflects just that, i mean??? When you walk into Galahad Fortress? God that track is MENANCING. Or Prison Island? OMINOUS. Yeah thats what the game’s tone is! Ominous! This overbearing feeling of something very very bad is bound to happen, even in the beginning of the game. And xcx is more like “we have a set deadline but we will OF COURSE achieve our goals!” Idk how to explain it but xcx is a bit more lighthearted and hopeful even tho the story isnt and xc is pretty much the opposite, its story is kinda heavy but the way its presented makes it feel heavier than it is! And the music helps with that! There’s also the aesthetic of each game to consider. Xcx is on a completely alien planet with tech that is pretty equivalent to a mech anime (i have no problems with this). The world is more vibrant and imaginative while still keeping this weird future city vibe, like Akira almost. Xc is an entirely different reality that’s going more for....realism? Nothing is too overly done and bright and bizarre. Its all...down to give the feeling of a place that COULD exist but with some weird differences from the player’s world. Like a psuedo earth. I think xcx’s music was definitely done the way it was to enhance that weird otherworldly vibe of the environment and tone. Just listen to....the Ma-nono ship (day) compared to....Alchamoth. I pick these two in particular bc both represent an alien culture. Alchomoth is very regal but a bit somber. Ethereal. Look at the actual place it plays in, the High Entia capital. Again, a regal place. Filled with those who don’t fight and many who don’t know the truth of what they are. Now take a look at the Ma-non ship day. Upbeat and funky, quirky samples used in strange ways. Gives this weird weird vibe. Lighthearted but still kinda creepy. The Ma-non? A giant fucking ship of pacifist aliens that are geniuses who love pizza. I mean how much weirder can it get? How much of a tonal shift between the two can there be? So really my point is, don’t compare them! They are two VASTLY different games trying to give two TOTALLY different experiences and its music is the same.

#infodump #personal #ill post some songs later

[maggieisalarrie]

Titles: I

I Don’t Want You To Leave, Will You Hold My Hand by roughvoiced (3k)

“Didn’t think you’d still be here,” He whispers, pressing a little kiss in the space beside Harry’s ear and it’s strange, because he’s had his fair share of one night stands, Harry has, it’s just a thing he does, but it’s not usually like this. Yeah, okay so he doesn’t leg it as soon as he’s come but he doesn’t usually stick around long enough for kisses and morning breath, it’s just not a thing (apart from Ben that time but that was different and Ben’s dick was massive and Harry thought he was in love with it). For some reason, though, he doesn’t want to leave now

au; where Harry sleeps around and Louis isn’t good at one night stands

i just know i have found the place my heart belongs by scagnetism (33k)

“Gracie loves faeries, don’t you, little love?” Louis asks, cutting through Harry’s thoughts, and she spares a glance over her shoulder at her father, nodding quickly before looking back at the house and touching it with gentle fingers.

Harry looks up at him, and they share a small smile, Louis making him feel warm, warm, warm. “This is her house, and it’s my favorite thing in my shop,” Harry explains, and Louis crouches slightly so he can see it better.

“’S beautiful,” he murmurs, and Harry smiles appreciatively at him.

Harry looks at Gracie again, blonde hair falling into her face as she inspects the glittery house, and he instinctively tucks her hair back behind her ear. “I’ve never seen the faerie,” he says to her softly, “but sometimes, when it’s very quiet, I can feel her.” He closes his eyes, taking in a breath, just sitting like that for a few seconds for the effect. “That’s how I know she’s watching over me.”

Or, the one where Louis has a quiet little girl, Harry has a toy shop with a magic faerie house, and they were made to fall in love.

I Like The Way You Bend For Me, Baby by TheCellarDoor (50k)

Uni AU, in which Harry is a part-time yoga instructor with rock hard nipples and skin-tight leggings, and Louis most definitely isn’t charmed.

i made these plans with you around by smokeofthetrain (16k)

Louis remembers the day he met Harry like it’s permanently ingrained into his mind. Most memories from his childhood have faded over time. He doesn’t remember losing his first tooth, or getting his first report card, or playing in his first soccer match.

But Harry?

He remembers Harry.

I need home (our tangled bones) by togetherwecouldbealright (69k)

Louis runs a record label and Harry is his daughter's new nanny. Over the course of a year, Harry helps Louis learn what it really is to be a father and somehow they find an unexpected home in each other.

Or, the kid fic where Louis wants to make Harry a star, Zayn just needs everyone to stop being stupid, Niall laughs his arse off at everything, Liam attempts to keep things in order and Harry takes a chance.

I roll and I roll, 'til I change my luck by lightofathousandstars (8k)

“They’re not my best pictures.”

“I wouldn’t say that, I think you look quite good being manhandled by a bigger man.”

Louis chokes on his sip of hot chocolate, feeling it burn its way down his throat. He coughs a few times and then clears his throat. “I’m sorry?!”

“You heard me. You should do it more often, it might make you more humble. Maybe you’ll learn to respect people.” Or Louis is a bored, rich kid whose latest stunt got him arrested and forced to attend a fundraiser at an ice rink, Zayn is his unlucky partner in crime, Harry is the cute hospital volunteer who is having none of his attitude, Niall is the worst DJ in the world, and Liam is Leslie Knope.

I Walk the Line by Awriterwrites (55k)

Professor Louis Tomlinson is the leading researcher in his field. Harry Styles is Louis’ recently hired grad assistant. Sparks fly between them but something doesn’t add up when it comes to Harry, and Louis is determined to find out what.

What happens when everything Louis thought he knew comes crashing down around him? Is he doomed to repeat his past mistakes? Or will he learn to follow his heart and find a way to forge his own path, alongside someone he’s not sure he can trust, but who might just be the best thing to ever happen to him.

(I Will Run Into) The Hurricane by cherrystreet (12k)

They meet just before college graduation when the opportunities are endless. Harry is willing to give up everything that comes his way to be with Louis. Louis is terrified.

They love each other so much, but sometimes, that isn't always enough.

I Would Bleed The Colors of the Evening Stars by peanutbutterapple (21k)

Louis needs a fake boyfriend and Harry wants to know why he doesn't pick him.

If You Build Yourself a Myth by pukeandcry (13k)

Harry is six the first time he makes something change. (magical realism AU)

If You Wanna Try Me On by zimriya (19k)

To be fair, Harry’d been half asleep when Niall convinced him to put in his CV in the first place. Like, Harry wants to be a proper serious journalist--he’s not about to give up that dream in favour of becoming a personal assistant at a fashion magazine, or...whatever. Harry’s not actually all that sure what Tomlinson Styles even is, beyond his ticket to fame or any of the other things Niall’d spouted off at him, but when he shows up for the interview and is unceremoniously shoved into an office with the Tomlinson part of that equation, all Harry can really think about is that he would like to be a Tomlinson-Styles.

...or the Devil Wears Prada AU that no one wanted. Sort of.

i’ll be yours to keep by midnights (18k)

louis should've thought a lot more about who he said his fake boyfriend is, especially since he and his "significant other" kinda hate each other. most of the time.

in the end I started thinking about the beginning by infinitelymint (22k)

When Louis returned from Malaysia to attend his best mate Zayn's wedding, he hadn't expected their wedding planner to be Harry Styles. Over the next two weeks Louis learns that maybe staying in one place permanently isn't so bad, as long as you have someone to stay with.

In This Light by exhilarated (99k)

Harry is a wardrobe stylist who likes to live in the moment, and Louis is a popstar who looks dreamy in double breasted jackets. Harry never stood a chance.

Indestructible by whoknows (24k)

“Hi,” Harry murmurs, and Louis hiccups out a sob.

“Hi,” he manages, still clutching onto Harry’s shoulders. Harry’s fingers drift across Louis’ cheeks, and there’s something off about Harry’s expression, but Louis can’t figure out what it is.

“I’m okay,” Harry says, and Louis is going to say something to that, even if he doesn’t know what, except Harry’s kissing him.

Louis freezes.

infinitely all for me by swallowsmateforlife (11k)

The Alpha Louis' been betrothed to since he was 14 has finally come of age and Louis' been delivered to his home.

or: the one where they figure it all out.

Into The Blue by zarah5 (117k)

AU. In which Louis is Harry's scuba instructor and quite happy to provide the requested special treatment, pun fully intended. It can't be all that difficult to convince Harry that they're on the same page, right? Also, Niall and Liam may or may not be dating, and Zayn is surrounded by emotionally stunted idiots. He bears it with dignity.

It all comes out in the wash by Conscious_ramblings (3k)

Harry and Louis are flatmates at uni. In the month they have lived in halls, Harry has found lacy underwear in his laundry four times. At first he thought it was an innocent mistake. The second time he was just confused. The third time he started to sense a pattern. And when Louis walks in on him just after he discovers the fourth pair, well that’s when everything changes

It started with a whisper by jaded25 (92k)

Louis doesn't do relationships. He's been there, done it, got the scars to prove it. Never letting anyone too close, Louis can be head over heels for someone for one night but when morning comes, he will be out of the door, no feelings and no regrets.

Harry always gives too much, trusts too easily, falls too quickly. Even when he gets nothing in return. Forced to attend University, Harry bumps into his sister's roommate and another time, another day Harry would have been a goner the very second he’d laid eyes on Louis. But he's already got the perfect boyfriend and Louis is the complete opposite of perfect.

Louis isn't someone who Harry thought he could ever be with, and Louis never thought he'd break his rules for anyone.

Sometimes being wrong isn't so bad after all.

It Started With A Whisper by MukeSinner (151k)

Louis Tomlinson was comfortable in his shell, not at all wanting to go out in the world and do things that would involve him being social... Until Harry Styles swooped in and changed that all. Harry is well known for the reputation he quickly picked up by beating up the jock at his school. People knew not to mess with him, seeing as he was now considered the schools bad ass. But what happens when Louis Tomlinson discovers that Harry isn't as bad as he wants to appear? Behind those dark eyes and clenched fists, is a boy who is looking for someone to make him feel love again.

This isnt your typical bad boy/ nerd story. In this, the badboy isn't a douche to the nerd, and the nerd isn't completely defenseless or naive to Harry's intentions. This is a story where two totally different puzzle pieces were shoved together, creating a beautiful, yet imperfect picture on top.

Part 1 of It started with a whisper

it starts and it never fades away by scagnetism (5k)

“Niall told me I should put an ad out in order to get a date, and it’s three days before Valentine's Day, so everyone is already gonna have a date, but to get him to shut up, I’m doing this.” Louis turns his computer to face Harry, revealing the word document where he’s typed out the most ridiculous, unappealing, horrifying letter he can think of. “This’ll get Niall to fuck right off, I reckon.”

Or, Louis puts out a flyer to help him get a date he absolutely doesn't want. He gets more than he bargained for.

ivy and gold by starseas (37k)

AU. “we should get married," louis says, and this time, neither of them say no.

Part 2 of glitter / gold

Last edited: August 28, 2017

Done here? Go back to my Recommended Fics → 

#recommended by maggie #fics by title

[unproduciblesmackdown]

[tumblunni]

MORE miscellaneous thoughts and ideas for Changeling Sim!

* If I decide to set the story in the UK, maybe the de-stress holiday options could be different to reflect it? Just having spring/summ/autumn/winter holidays was always a bit confusing for me in Princess Maker, i am really bad at telling the time and i could never remember which time gave which stat boosts no matter how many times I played! So it could be neat maybe if you can just pick between different types of holiday that give different stats. But maybe still have a few random cute splash images for them, which change each season even if the stats don’t. * Anyway i was thinking an option could be ‘farm’? Or like.. ‘country’? Whatever way to phrase it would contain the most types of holiday, lol. i remember I always really adored these as a kid, so maybe they get a bonus depending on how low the kiddo’s age is? Splash images could be her feeding a baby goat, maybe doing some horseriding, maybe doing a pottery course cos they had one of those at my local model village. Speaking of which, maybe have a model village one where you get a lil bonus historical education along with your goat hugs! * And maybe an option could be a theme park or holiday home type place. i cant remember what the official term for those is, I always used to call them all Butlins just cos Butlins was the one we visited most often as a kid. My grandma lived nearby. It was like a sort of thing like disneyland? Like a theme park so big that it has multiple areas and on-site hotels and youre meant to stay there for the weekend and stuff. Except butlins isnt big, its just that its common to have these things even for small ones here. Its like.. the closest thing we have to american ‘summer camp’? Except its a whole family thing. But it has all the activities and sports areas and stuff, and you’d stay for a weekend up to a month. And have lil cabins. Also i laugh at how my perception of the word cabaret was completely backwards thanks to these places! The little kids’s singing and standup comedy thingie at butlins was called the cabaret so I thought thats what it meant. Rather than it being a word for raunchy adult dances that was kinda used ironically here XD * or maybe just have a regular day trip small theme park thing as an option. That’s like the most common family holiday in modern times, right? It could give me a fun chance to draw some references to real life ones I went to as a kid, like Thorpe and Oakwood and Barry Island! And lots of potential for different cute splash images, there could be a family rollercoaster ride pic that fills up more and more as you make more friends throughout the game! See everyone’s comical reactions! And omg, a haunted house and maybe like a log plume or other water ride? And just a pic of everyone eating terrible theme park snack food and being buried in merchandise because wasting all your money is what holidays are really about! * Oh and while I’m thinking about it, maybe make the currency actually be british pounds and follow rational money logics? like £50 for the cheapest farm trip holiday up to £300 or so for the weekend camp one. Not 300 gold for a single book, lol! rpg currency doesnt even match up to yen properly, stuff is just way too cheap instead of way too expensive XD thats like a £5 sword, lol * Also even the holidays that stay the same could be a bit different if I try making them more british! like we could show a big ol grey british pebble beach and have everyone drenched under an umbrella like ‘well this isnt exactly what i imagined’ XD Tho those can be really fun too if the weather is okay, theyre fun all year round instead of just summer! You can find fossils on the shore, and see more crabs and seaweed and stuff! But you dont get to build sandcastles so i’m glad there’s still a few proper beaches around the country lol. * Oh and I probably wont have any sort of beach fanservice cos even if i wanted to throw it in for other people’s enjoyment its not like I’ve had much practise drawing stuff I hate, haha! But I could just double up on the funnycute family antics instead. Having the mother character be an actual presence in the plot makes it a lot easier, cos I could include her in these scenes instead of having to keep her face hidden 24/7. And cos she’s miss buff former hero of the human world, we could have her like... carrying a giant pile of supplies in winter holiday and being all overprotective, running around weilding one of those giant beach umbrellas like a lance in summer, trying to pick a fight with a bull in the farm holiday. generally just being a funny background event! The mum who’s more immature than her kid XD * Maybe take something from other games in the genre like Prince Maker Braveness and Spirited Heart, and add a £0 indoor relaxation option to the holiday menu? Like, not all stress relief HAS to be a holiday. And maybe make the ‘wander around the local shops’ holiday give a small stat boost to outgoingness or charisma or whatever its called, while hanging out indoors raises studying but doesnt decrease stress as much and has a chance of decreasing your social skills if you do it too much. Maybe every holiday could have a chance of not working if you do it too many times in a row? or maybe that’d be too annoying gameplay-wise, even if its more realistic. Sometimes realism needs to be suspended in favour of fun! * Also i liked that in Spirited Heart you could explore in a (non-monster-infested) forest for a holiday! Maybe that could boost magic stats a little? I also remember how the old flash game My Pet Protector had a thing where you actually had to find the different holiday locations while dungeoncrawling before you could use them. Tho i didnt like how it was random whether the flag would activate, so you had to keep going back to the same dungeon. Unnecessary awkwardness! * Maybe a random chance of friend characters appearing in the background of holiday splash screens? It would make it less boring to see the same pic again and again during a long game with lots of replay value, yo. Or other randomized minor features getting swapped out, like kiddo playing with a different animal at the farm, or whatever.

#changeling sim

[m-letsriot]

CW: Suicide and a shitload of self-hatred

So I've never understood the draw to edm. Like seriously. There are specific sounds I like but the endless repetition always kind of bugged me. That is until my depression started to really win and I began to want to actually kill myself. Now I'm sitting in a dim room avoiding my coworkers and crying for no reason while listening to a fucking deadmau5 song on repeat. If it weren't for the violins I never would have put this shit on but I downloaded the fucking song and it's all I want to hear. There are like five fucking lyrics repeated in the damn song but I'm still singing along in my head. I'm sitting on a couple of yoga mats staring at a couch because I don't deserve comfort. I'm a fucking piece of shit and only decent people who don't ruin lives get to sit on the couch and cry. I get fucking yoga mats. I put these here a few weeks ago when I wanted to lay down on something firm and now it's the only place I'm allowed to sit. Cause I'm an asshole who fucks things up. A few weeks ago I was at home. Drinking like I do because life sucks and beer is good. A friend starts talking to me about dealing with their other friend's suicide which I didn't realism at the time that I would be triggered and my passive suicidal ideology would get a little push into the active zone. It started from not minding if I died, "hey the world would probably be better off if this semi's brakes went out and pushed me and my car off the overpass into a fiery death," and suddenly without even my noticing became "there should be more drunk drivers. I should start walking across the street without looking first, cause hey, I'm in all black and that would be a great way for death to swoop in on me." What did I do? I started telling another person how I really wished that I were dead. I drank more beer. Got more drunk and my brainhead started to laugh at the idea of me dying, cause that shit was funny and others had to see how funny this is too right? I mean, I'm not worth the effort to live, if I off myself I'm not sure my kids will get that life insurance so let's hope a car hits me. If I'm riding my bike I can be a martyr for the cause. My death could mean something and I might even get a fucking ghost bike or something. Another faceless cyclist hit by a driver, a shonde! But I was suicidal the whole fucking time - ISNT THAT HYSTERICAL!? I was over life. I didn't want to actually kill myself by the conventional means. I just begged for death to take me and I was relatively safe. The only hope I could muster for my life is that it would end swiftly. But time has passed and my impatience for death has grown and now I'm just ready to die. I've gone from wanting to die to wanting to kill myself because this pain is so fucking intense that I just want it to end. I hear other people with depression talk about how they can't feel anything and I'm so fucking jealous. What I wouldn't give to not feel this pain. I understand cutting. I understand heroine. I want that release but apparently that's not healthy so I can't have that either. I want to drink myself into oblivion but every time I open a beer it turns into 6 and then I know once my inhibitions are gone, killing myself is just that much easier. I could walk out onto the highway drunk. I could slit my wrists easier without that sober logic. I would lean against a noose with zero fucks to give until my breath was gone and I fell asleep. Let the gravity of my body finish the job. So now I'm sitting in a dimly lit room at work. Listening to the same fucking deadmau5 song. It's been almost 4 hours. I've tried doing work. But really I'm just trying to get through the day so I can go pick my kids up and watch them play while I hope the distractions will be enough. I'm trying desperately to keep myself together. Hoping I can trust myself over the weekend with the kids. I'm trying to make it to Friday morning alive so I don't miss my next Thursday with them. I don't want my ex to know that I need to go to a psych ward. I don't want my coworkers (fucking mental health advocates) to see me in a locked ward. I want to go in alive and come out alive. I keep telling myself that I can't kill myself because it will impact my kids too much. Maybe they'd be better off without me. But then they'd have to deal with the shame of having a statistic like me for a parent. They don't deserve that. Then my depression swoops in and says, nope! It'll be better for them without you. They're young enough that they won't even remember you. Just let yourself die and you won't have to worry about a bad legacy. And now I'm stuck wanting to die again. Not sure if I can make it to Friday. I'm sitting here, trying to convince myself that I believe in the world to follow and I want to die righteously. Suicide isn't righteous but this impulse is growing stronger and stronger. I need my friends to come over and take all of my kitchen knives. And pocketknives. And ropes. Everything. I can't trust myself with any of it right now.

[tomleefirsttrackingbrief]

RESEARCH

first thing im going to do, like most projects last year is go straight to the googles and search for some existing work including maybe 3d tracking, idents, and other stuff that will give me inspiration for an idea. 

Channel 4.

first channel that goes to my head when i think of 3d tracked idents, would defiantly be channel 4, the famous parallax logo reveal thingy, whatever you would call it. anyways, this is something i have always wanted to have a crack at, but never got around to. the only problem yet again, is that i feel its over done and wouldnt be original, which i would like to try and be. 

once thing i do like from the idents however, are the realism, and aso the camera movement. i like how the camera is stable but still has imperfections in the movement, little movements that give enough to tell that the camera man is walking/moving fast. I think its once reason the idents do so well, and something i’m going to consider when filming my ident.  Here is another example of a channel 4 ident that i think does very well. 

what i really enjoy about this one is that the length of the clip doesn't determine how long you see the logo for, in fact the logo is shown in a complete state for about a full second, until it is then dismantled(i think thats the right word) and yet again, that camera movement, just look soooooo good. it really looks like a child has a camera and is just filming atrip out of the window sorta thing, connecting with the brands audience and still making an ident that looks amazing. not so sure on the colours with this one however. 

Last one for channel 4

okay so last one, what i enjoy about this one yet again, is the movement, and how the camera doesnt move in just a straight line which i think Jason also reminded us that he didnt want us to do. I like how smooth the camera goes around corners and builds up to reveal the logo at the end. Lighting is also really nice in this piece, mainly because its dark, it draws your focus to the actual logo but also blends with the environment. some potential ideas here. 

BBC. 

bbc isnt really known for their 3d tracked idents, but they have done them, and heres a few that are worth showing. 

I really like how they include the logo within the environment, as if it was a natural stucture people wouldnt think to stop and look at. also how the camera usually tends to move backwards to reveal the logo towards the end. something that seems quite common in idents. 

NOTES

natural camera movement.

reveal logo towards end

dont last too long. 

UPDATE:

courtney just suggested i look at the investigation discovery channel idents as she knew i wanted a carpark and see a similar one done by the channel. I really like the overall feel of the idents from this channel, especially yet again, the natural looking camera movements revealing the end logo. I really want to make this a main focus of my video. 

https://vimeo.com/68525594