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sourcreammachine · 5 months

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Doctor Who episodes ranked let’s go

(o’th’ revived era. and eight’s movie because i’ve seen it)

and two-parters are counted as one, but i get to define what a ‘two-parter’ is. this is because i’m in charge not you

9.11 Heaven Sent aka the stars align and somehow Moffat manages to pull an incredible script out of his arse after being stuck up there for so long aka Capaldi is the new Atlas from carrying his entire era aka now you understand why i’m splitting up some two-parters and not others aka ahaha 9.11 lol

3.8/9 Human Nature / The Family of Blood

1.9/10 The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances

3.10 Blink

2.4 The Girl in the Fireplace

4.12/13 The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End

1.6 Dalek

6.i A Christmas Carol

3.11 Utopia

4.8/9 Silence in the Library / Forest of the Dead

7.v The Time of the Doctor okay hear me out first thing is i’m an absolute sucker second thing is why couldn’t season 7 have actually seeded any of this with actual thought and subtly rather than mystery-box hackery it literally makes me think of how much better his era could’ve been if Moffat wasn’t so up his own arse

2.8/9 The Impossible Planet / The Satan Pit

7.iv The Day of the Doctor

4.11 Turn Left

3.4 Girldick

1.12/13 Bad Wolf / The Parting of the Ways

7.iii The Night of The Doctor aka my boi Eight finally gets done justice

4.10 Midnight

4.6 The Doctor’s Daughter

3.2 The Shakespeare Code

3.i The Runaway Bride

2.12/13 Army of Ghosts / Doomsday

2.3 School Reunion

6.11 The God Complex

4.1 Partners in Crime

10.11/12 World Enough, and Time / The Doctor Falls (look, i’m a sucker i know, and i couldn’t give a shit about Gomez and Simm, but fuck you Moffat actually figured out how to write human emotions. Talalay’s finest hour. Lucas’ finest hour. Moffat did not deserve a swan song but he got himself one somehow)

5.2 The Beast Below

8.8 Mummy on the Orient Express (despite the awful, horrible ending, see below (very far below))

4.7 The Unicorn and the Wasp

4.2 The Fires of Pompeii

7.12 Neil Gaiman’s Good Episode

1.1 Rose

5.1 The Eleventh Hour

2.7 The Idiot’s Lantern

10.1 The Pilot

5.10 Vincent and the Doctor

4.i Voyage of the Damned

6.4 The Neil Gaiman Fanfic Hour

3.1 Smith and Jones

4.4 The Sontaran Stratagem / The Poison Sky

6.10 The Girl Who Waited

1.2 The End of The World

5.12/13 The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang

2.i The Christmas Invasion

6.7 A Good Man Jumps The Shark

5.6 The Vampires of Venice

4.3 Planet of the Ood

7.ii The Snowmen

1.11 Boom Town

3.12 The Sound of Drums / Last of the Time Lords

1.7 The Long Game

7.7 The Rings of Akhaten

8.6 The Caretaker

5.7 Amy’s Choice

9.7/8 Zygons. you can basically hear Capaldi’s back cracking from him carrying it

4.v/vi The End of Time, Parts 1 & 2

10.6 Extremis, the most underrated episode fuck you

4.ii The Next Doctor

8.5 Time Heist

6.1/2 The Impossible Astronaut / Day of the Moon

2.1 New Earth

10.3 Twelve Decks a Racist

9.ii The Husbands of River Song (yeah i’m a sucker, the ending gets me)

6.3 Curse of the Black Pearl spot, fuck

11.1 The Woman Who Fell To Earth (based on how it made me feel in 2018, looking back yeah the warning signs were all there)

5.4/5 The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone

5.11 The Lodger

1.3 The Unquiet Dead

7.4 The Power of Three aka Chris Chibnall Shits Himself on Live Television

2.5/6 Rise of the Cybermen / The Age of Steel

7.9 Hide

10.5 Oxygen aka La Problema Es Capitalismo

8.1 Deep Breath

2.2 Tooth and Nail claw, fuck

1.8 Father’s Day

11.3 Rosa (bring back Blackman as an episode writer, she wrote Noughts & Crosses, she can do it)

7.11 The Crimson ‘Orror

6.8 Let’s Kill Hitler

6.5/6 The Rebel Flesh / The Almost People

4.iv The Waters of Mars

7.6 oh no it’s clara

9.10 yaay clara’s dead

5.8/9 The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood

12.5 Fugitive of the Judoon (again, based on how i felt watching it for the first time. it was a good episode and an interesting mystery box, just one filled with shit)

1.4/5 Aliens of London / World War Three

7.5 The Angels Take amy lol

2.11 Fear Her

8.4 Listen, aka the first episode that Capaldi carries, despite Moffat being himself again

10.ii Twice Upon a Time (ugh we could’ve had a brilliant trilogy to see out Capaldi, but instead we get Moffat masturbating on live television for an hour. look, The Doctor could have had an actual character arc - they feel like they’re on borrowed time after their resurrection on Trenzalore, after the events on Gallifrey they feel like any sort of feelings of ‘duty’ as last of the time lords (as errant and fleeting as such feelings might’ve been) are resolved, and after failing their BIG MASSIVE SEASON 10 ARC with Missy and getting stabbed in the back, and BILL [redacted for spoilers], they’re happy to accept their death - and that’s where the season ends. yuletide 2017 could’ve ended this arc, they’re taught the love of the universe again, they see the goodness they bring to all life - Clara, i am a good man. and when they sit down to die, those words ‘maybe just one more go’ could’ve had the weight of the universe behind them, it could’ve been the greatest who line ever written, had that line actually had weight on its shoulders. Moffat is a hack. mystery-boxing is hacking, end of story. Capaldi, the finest actor ever in the role, was done dirty by scripts with no weight and planning. Grand Moff lives up his own arse - that power gives him the ability to write incredible episodes such as Heaven Sent and everything he ever touched under Davies - but it makes all series, arcs and continuity fall apart into a pile of shit. this episode is the finest example - a universe of potential, reduced to one hour of self-congratulatory masturbation)

6.9 Night Terrors

11.9 It Takes You Away (the one with the frog god)

7.10 Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

9.12 Heaven Sent Part II: Whoops

8.9 Flatline

7.3 A Town Called Widowmaker

4.iii Planet of the Dead

9.1/2 The Magician’s Apprentice / The Witch’s Familiar

6.12 Closing Time

3.7 42

13.i Eve of the Daleks (the aisling bea one)

8.3 Robot of Sherwood

9.5/6 Maisie Williams

6.13 The Wedding of River Song

5.3 Victory of the Daleks

8.11/12 Dark Water / Death in Heaven aka i’m sorry Gomez but not even you can carry this

3.6 The Lazarus Experiment

11.i Resolution (…of the Daleks)

10.2 Emoji Robots

8.2 Into the Dalek

10.5 Knock Knock. Who’s There? Yer mum

7.13 The Name of the Doctor aka the Biggest Waste of Richard E. Grant until Rise of Skywalker

7.2 Dinosaurs on a Plane

10.8/9 The Pyramid at the End of the World / The Lie of the Land

Doctor Who: The Movie!

11.6 Demons of the Punjab

7.1 Asylum of the Daleks

7.8 Cold War aka i’m starting to think Mark Gatiss might be a bad writer actually

3.4/5 Daleks in Manhattan / Evolution of the Daleks

11.5 P’ting

9.3/4 Under the Lake / Before the Flood aka the Biggest Waste of Peter Serafinowicz since the Clone Wars didn’t bring him back. also a deaf person falling in love with their interpreter is the most toxic thing ever. and it’s 90 more minutes of season 9 tedium ugh

2.10 Love and Monsters. yeah this high up

8.7 The anti-abortion episode. and it’s not just for that fact alone nonono, The Doctor is such an unbelievable unforgivable cunt this time. at least Clara calls them out in that brilliant final-ish scene BUT they’re still unforgivable AND they get forgiven anyway next week?? literally they take the way Clara’s character arc was going and throw it all in the bin

8.10 In The Forest of the Shite

11.7 Kerblam!

10.9 Empress of Mars aka i’m starting to think Mark Gatiss might be a bad writer actually

9.i Last Christmas aka remember how they reset Clara’s character arc after Mummy for literally no reason???? THEY FUCKING DID IT AGAIN!! she’s literally put in limbo for an ENTIRE SEASON, after they gave her TWO good offramps and apparently chickened the fuck out from using them?? and expected me to care when she (spoiler)? also the episode’s like really boring. bonus points for the absolutely perfect casting of Nick Frost tho, very nominative determinism

10.i is my hatred of Doctor Mysterio unwarranted? probably. but i still hate it

12.8 The Haunting of Villa Diodati, the most overrated episode fuck you. no it is not ‘the only good episode of season 12’ - it’s just as bad as the rest. The Doctor is unnecessarily unlikeable. the villain boy is nonsense, uninteresting and unlikeable. and worst of all - i don’t want to have violent sex with any of the people in this villa

12.4 Nikola Tesla’s Tower of Terror

11.8 The Witchfinders

9.9 Sleep No More aka i’m starting to think Mark Gatiss might be a bad writer actually

13.2 Flux Part 2: War of the Sontarans (oh yeah like they don’t do war normally, that’s like saying the fucking ,, toasting of the toaster or something)

7.i The Doctor, the Widow, and the Wardrobe (it’s only Chibnall from here on out let’s goo)

12.1/2 Spyfall. literally how the FUCK do you waste both Stephen Fry AND Lenny fucking Henry how the fuck. also The Doctor basically committed a nazism right

12.3 Orphan 55, the second most underrated episode - a lot of people say it’s Chibnall’s worst but i think there’s worse

12.i Revolution of the Daleks (the priti patel one)

11.2 The Ghost Monument

13.4 Flux Part 4: Village of the Angels

11.10 The Battle of Rashhcjxjshog s Kjalapados

12.7 Can You Hear Me? (that was the one with the finger guy. no i don’t mean jonathan banks)

11.4 Spiders in Sheffield

12.6 Praxeus

12.9/10 how did they let chibnall get away with it. isn’t there supposed to be oversight. aren’t there supposed to be safeguards. how did they let him get away with it

13.1 Flux Part 1: The Halloween Apocalypse

13.ii Legend of the Sea Devils

13.3 Flux Part 3: Once, Upon Time

13.iii The Power of the Doctor aka thank fuck, it’s finally over

10.5 Flux Part 5: Survivors of the Flux

10.6 Flux Part 6: Fuck You Chibnall

#196 #doctor who

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