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indigostarfire · 1 year

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A very long post of me rambling so I could connect the dots and map out the factors that led Jae Won to shift out of his deep depression and isolation from Ji Hyun. The script gives us a trail of breadcrumbs to follow.

Jae Won’s therapist points out that Jae Won is locked into his own perspective which ultimately is guilting and beating him up inside. She also tells him, “You’re really selfish,” and Jae Won is shocked. “Because you’re so focused on your own trauma, you’re ignoring others.” This is a completely different perspective, one that Jae Won has never even considered. It’s a key truth that will ultimately help him move forward.

The therapist tells him to overcome his own trauma first, but that’s easier said than done. So what events catalyze his shift?

Well we first see Jae Won break out of his depressive mood when he witnesses Yoon Won in distress and crying about her life. And for the first time since the accident Jae Won is displaying empathy rather than the “totally shutdown, I’m dead on the inside” expression he normally has.

So we now know he is capable of feeling another person’s pain and can respond with compassion.

Next is the kiss scene with Eun Ji which I feel is pivotal in Jae Won being able to break through his depressive, blaming mindset.

Oh the irony! Eun Ji thinks she flaunting and flexing her relationship with Jae Won in front of Ji Hyun’s crushed face BUT this is ultimately the undoing of their relationship. In reality this was the moment where Jae Won sees Ji Hyun’s absolute pain. Jae Won was indeed so focused on his own trauma that he didn’t realize how much his relationship with Eun Ji was hurting and stabbing Ji Hyun right through the heart.

Witnessing Ji Hyun’s pain (because we now know he can actually see another’s pain) Jae Won RESPONDS by pushing Eun Ji away.

In Jae Won’s walk back to Ji Hyun’s workplace, my guess is that Jae Won is thinking about what his therapist said; how he has ignored Ji Hyun’s feelings and only focused on his trauma and trying to “protect” him. And is Jae Won ok with being someone who just dished out pain to Ji Hyun? No, I don’t think so.

Perhaps Jae Won can even recall that moment when Ji Hyun reaches out and lovingly holds Jae Won’s hands (prior to the meeting about the surfing incident). Jae Won initially recoils but Ji Hyun persists and Jae Won allows himself to let a bit of love in even though he feels he doesn’t deserve it. And is he ok with how he returns Ji Hyun’s love and concern with pain from that kiss with Eun Ji? I don’t think so.

Next when Ji Hyun calls out to Jae Won, we see Jae Won approaching Ji Hyun. He no longer ignores or avoids Ji Hyun. This is a definite change and a seemingly small but huge step forward.

Ji Hyun is a trooper. He will continue to love and support Jae Won without pressuring him. And he buys his hyung a camera, and tells him “the past is just the past.” “You can’t erase or forget about the past.”

Yes the past holds the tragic death of Jae Won’s brother and the almost-death of Ji Hyun but the past also holds the bright, beautiful, and loving moments with Ji Hyun. Someone who he could be himself with, someone he didn’t have to wear a mask with, someone who was his sanctuary and place to rest. The past holds both the darkness and the light. So what will Jae Won choose to focus on?

We finally see Jae Won break up with Eun Ji, and I think it largely had to do with Jae Won seeing Ji Hyun’s pain due to the kiss.

Next we have sajangnim giving Jae Won the final installment of advice and perspectives. She basically tells him since it’s not a health or money problem, he’s good! People will always be stressed out and worried so don’t be discouraged just live how you want to.

I feel that all of Ji Hyun’s actions and the perspectives from the therapist and sajangnim finally lands so that by the Han river, we see Jae Won able to focus and reminisce about the bright and beautiful moments he’s had with Ji Hyun.

And finally, those song lyrics! Ji Hyun sending that song to Jae Won delivers his feelings through its lyrics. It’s about two best friends who loved each other and wished they could be more but there was too much fear in the way. The song continues: “but I think it could work for you and me…it’s not the end of the story, just wait and see.” Then we see Jae Won moving forward. He’s actually walking to see Ji Hyun. His mood has changed. Jae Won now is allowing himself to want the happy ending too.

#if you made it to the end I’m amazed #and thank you for reading it #the eighth sense #t8s ep. 9 meta #thoughts on what made Jae Won change #mlite reflections

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indigostarfire · 1 year

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Our Dining Table episode 6

Thoughts on why this show has such a hold on me and moves me deeply.

First of all the Christmas holiday is painful for both Yutaka and Minoru. Yutaka never felt a part of his family, and Minoru never had any time to do what normal people his age would do, like go to college or pursue a potential love interest. He was too busy working or taking care of Tane. (In dramas Christmas is often depicted as a holiday that couples go out on dates.)

Tane never really knew his mother so Minoru goes out of his way to cook their mother’s unique recipes—ramen fried rice when you’re down and disappointed, or yuzu udon when you’re sick. This is Minoru’s way of letting Tane know their mother. This is how much he loves Tane and how important the family is to Minoru. There are consequences for these choices Minoru has made but he is willing to accept them.

That’s why it’s so lovely at the end of this episode when Minoru makes yuzu udon for our ailing Yutaka. He gets to share a bit of his mother through her food. And then Yutaka responds by saying that the yuzu udon has a “yasashii aji” which literally translates to “kind flavor” and once again I’m teary-eyed. Yutaka is basically saying “what a kind and caring mother you have and I can tell just by eating her food” which not only validates Minoru’s choices but also he gets to see that his mother’s spirit lives on through her food and can touch another individual…someone who is important and who he just happens to be in love with.

Getting back to Christmas, it was painful but everything changes with with the prospect of Yutaka and Minoru spending this day together. Yutaka is included in a family that enjoys and values his company. And for once Minoru has a “taisetsuna” (important) person in his life and who he wants to go on a Christmas date with. Seeing their happy faces is so heartwarming. It just fills me with a deep joy because they are such a healing presence for each other.

Then at the end of this episode there’s that moment when we see that both Yutaka and Minoru bought each other scarves. I burst into tears when I realized that scarves insulate us from the cold and that’s what Yutaka and Minoru do for each other.

Yutaka is insulated from the memories of his cold past, and Minoru is insulated from his cold and isolating present where other people make him feel bad due to Tane’s interruptions or spilling things; this in addition to being unable to pursue a love interest which is isolating because he’s too busy being a caretaker. But they are each other’s scarf. They insulate one another from the cold and isolation, and provide the warmth of a kind and loving heart.

It’s just so beautiful to see the interlocking dynamics of these two characters. How each of their personal wounds rise to the surface but then are healed because of kindness and understanding. And there’s something about how the mundane things in life like cooking and eating can bring people together. Perhaps this is what is so touching and beautiful—that sharing these ordinary, mundane moments with another, can be surprising and make life joyful, heartwarming, and profoundly healing.

#those scarves undid me #this show #these actors #including our precious pint sized catalyst Tane #all have a permanent place in my heart #our dining table #episode 6 #meta #bokura no shokutaku #mlite reflections

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indigostarfire · 11 months

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Our Dining Table ep. 9:

A Transformed Yutaka

Wow what an episode! Never before have we seen such resolve and quiet strength in Yutaka!

When Yutaka was a child, he thought his brother viewed him as someone who’s a “jama”, (meaning in-the-way, a bothersome hindrance or nuisance) because he intruded on the Hozumi family and now the brother had to share his parents with this “stranger.” The brother’s words were wounding and deeply imprinted Yutaka so that all of his subsequent behavior and actions were then based on this belief that “I’m a jama, I’m in-the-way, an unwanted intruder, and I don’t even know how to eat.” Once a belief like this is imprinted, a person operates from this belief. So of course Yutaka will act as though he is not a part of the Hozumi family. His belief locked him into only perceiving a reality where he is an unwanted intruder. Thus no matter what the truth is, child-Yutaka would never be able see it.

And this is what we see in the scene where the brother is holding a ball and asks, “hey Yutaka, together let’s…” but Yutaka walks out of the room before his brother even finishes his sentence.

A reality where his brother would want to play with him does not exist for an unwanted intruder. This is what trauma does to a person. Trauma clouds one’s eyes and deafens one’s ears so the truth of what is actually happening can’t be seen or heard.

Yutaka’s experience with the Ueda’s has slowly changed him though. Why? Because it’s a new reality he’s experiencing—one that’s contrary to what his wounded beliefs dictate it should be. He found a place where he does belong, where he does feel valued, included, and is a joyous addition to their family, and this begins to change his wounded belief about himself being a jama. This is what transforms Yutaka. This is what gives him the strength to face his older brother and admit his true feelings —that he’s always felt apologetic for being an unwanted intruder but “I’ve finally found my place, so I won’t get in your way anymore.”

Because Yutaka found the courage to show up at the Hozumi’s and was able to candidly share his true feelings with his brother Yuki, this allowed an opportunity for Yuki to share his perspective and feelings. Both of their perspectives surprises the other.

The brother didn’t realize Yutaka stayed away from the family because he thought he was a jama. Yuki then calls Yutaka an idiot, and this catches Yutaka by surprise. The brother acknowledges that it was partly true at first but he was young and immature. Yuki tells Yutaka that “weren’t you the one who acted like you’re not a part of the family.” Basically Yuki goes on to say that this is your home too so Yutaka should show up for mom and dad on important days.

Yutaka isn’t completely convinced though. It’s only us viewers who were privy to the scene where Yuki is trying to ask Yutaka to play ball together but Yutaka walks away. So it’s wonderful how the mom reveals that Yuki stayed up all night to take care of the sick Yutaka.

This truth hits Yutaka. His dream wasn’t a just a dream with an unknown person without a face. That person was his brother. Yuki really did care about him, and this is where we see Yutaka taking in the truth and allowing it into his heart.

So Yutaka now smiles. His belief that he was a jama and should stay away was wrong. His past can be reinterpreted. New beliefs can replace the old false ones and this has the power to completely change the reality Yutaka can now experience with the Hozumi’s henceforth.

Now with the resolution of this major issue, Yutaka can now address the relationship issue with Minoru. I have to mention that @wen-kexing-apologist did a fantastic post filling in those silent pauses of Yutaka’s in ep. 8 because I thought what I was sensing might’ve just been my wishful thinking. https://www.tumblr.com/indigostarfire/718586099196362752 So thank you @wen-kexing-apologist for your insightful observations and commentary! It truly was heartbreaking to see how despondent Minoru was but thanks the post above, I wasn’t anxious and everything got cleared up by the end of this episode.

It’s been such a heartwarming experience to watch what a healing influence Yutaka and Minoru have been on each other. Both Yutaka and Minoru did extraordinary feats of bravery. Yutaka speaking his truth with his brother, and Minoru expressing his true feelings for Yutaka and kissing him! Both of them got to experience a different reality from what they were previously used to because of the healing power of a place to belong that’s filled with love and kindness. What a beautiful journey this has been…and we still have one more episode.

#our dining table #bokura no shokutaku #analysis #meta #a transformed yutaka #ODT ep. 9 #mlite reflections

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indigostarfire · 1 year

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Episode 7 begins with a dream sequence…

and it is a representation of the internal changes and healing that is going on within Yutaka.

Yutaka is dreaming that his child-self is sick with a fever. Although we don’t see his face, when the brother walks into his room, I think “Oh no what is that jerk-for-a-brother gonna do to Yutaka?!” But we see this dream-version brother gently and kindly patting his head. Then child-Yutaka says “Minoru.”

The scene then switches to present day reality where we see that Minoru is indeed patting Yutaka’s head. And ahh how wonderful. Yutaka’s painful past as a child is being over-written with a different experience. In the dream, Yutaka is experiencing a kind touch. And even though the adult Yutaka doesn’t know whose gentle and comforting touch it is, his child-self does know and that touch fills him with loving warmth and comfort. This is the effect the Ueda’s are having on Yutaka. All their interactions are healing the wounds from Yutaka’s past, and it’s re-writing and changing how his inner child feels about family.

All those joyful moments cooking together, eating together, talking with each other at the Ueda’s dining table was most likely a first for Yutaka. The contrast between the two families is stark. Yutaka’s older “brother” views him as an unwanted intruder. So Yutaka basically experiences a completely different reality with the Ueda’s.

I mean look at how sensitive Minoru’s dad is, keeping Tane busy with kneading clay so that Yutaka and Minoru could have the time to talk with one another. What a great wingman! The dad is no doubt shipping the two of them.

Thanks to Minoru’s gentle prodding in episode 6, Yutaka, hiding behind the drawing, is able to speak about his pained childhood. It was probably the first time Yutaka could speak about his pain to anyone. It took so much courage to speak about it that Yutaka couldn’t even look at Minoru face to face when he talks about his childhood. We see Yukata is able to put the drawing down and look at Minoru only when he’s talking about after he grew up.

Yutaka divulges even more to Minoru, and this scene is so touching. Even after he grew up and moved out and had friends, Yutaka felt like he was missing something. He didn’t know his “real parents’ flavor.” He couldn’t remember what the food tasted like once he started eating alone. But he did taste the “yasashii (kind) flavor” of Minoru’s mother’s yuzu udon. “I’m still scared of eating with people at the dining table. But meeting you two and eating together, I’m happy for the first time since I was born. Thank you.��

It is every single happy moment Yutaka has with the Ueda’s that contributes to his ability to even have the courage to share his wounded childhood with Minoru. Together they have created a different reality, a new foundation of what family interactions at the dining table can look like and be for Yutaka. And now he’s even considering eating with his aunt, uncle, and “brother.”

Don’t get me started on how sweet and caring Tane is with our tearful Yutaka. There is so much heartfelt gratitude and love Yutaka has for Tane in their hug. This show is so sweet and beautiful. I could go on for days about it. Our Dining Table is literally showing us how the power of love and kindness can be a profound healing influence that can heal one’s wounded psyche.

Of course they just have to leave us with a kiss at the very end so we have to wait another week to find out Minoru’s story about when they first met. I can’t wait.

#our dining table #bokura no shokutaku #dream sequence #analysis #mlite reflections

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indigostarfire · 10 months

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The Soulmate Label: Causing turmoil due to preconceived notions and creating expectations

In the beginning:

Patts relationship with Nara didn't work out. The cause? Soulmates. She wasn't his soulmate and this made her feel insecure and lonely so she broke up with him. Patterns were set: people choose to leave him, and whether Patts realized it or not, maybe being soulmates is what can make a relationship work.

When it rains Tai didn't talk to Patts for two years. Why? Because they are soulmates. His idealistic faith in soulmates having a lasting relationship fated by destiny was shattered by his parents' divorce. Being soulmates is no recipe for success so why bother starting any sort of relationship with a soulmate in the first place.

Patts and Tai are different sides of the same coin. Patts thinks soulmates may have a better chance at a lasting relationship. Tai thinks soulmates is no guarantee for anything, if anything it's a recipe for failure.

Like Tai, Lomfon feels that being soulmates isn't some grand "wow were fated to be in a relationship" type of thing. To him being soulmates is just a coincidence. End of story. Or so he thinks.

In the middle:

Tai is legitimately attracted to Patts and has to work through his prejudices about the viability of a soulmate relationship. So he is hesitant at first but slowly warms up to the idea. At the camp though his feelings are thrown into a massive crisis when he sees Patts and Nara kissing.

First off he knows that Nara was there to try to get back together with her ex, and Tai was certain she would succeed because of how deeply she seemed to know her ex. Secondly seeing them kiss, Tai is immediately confronted with his biased fears about soulmates--a soulmate relationship doesn't work and maybe that's true for him and Patts.

He runs off and with a desperate determination, sets off to Doi Mae Pliang mountain where he tells himself he will find the answer when he gets to the top. Tai struggles internally. His fall mirrors the chaos and confusion in his mind and heart and now he's physically in pain as well. It rains and instinctively he calls out to Patts who finds him because of their soulmate connection (maybe Tai realizes that's a plus).

Now with Patts at his side, being with him and tending to him, Tai reflects and searches for his answer. Tai tells Patt that he isn't angry about the kiss but the fact that Patts and Nara are inseparable. That is making Tai confused and doubting their relationship. "Are we a perfect match or did we just imagine that?"

Tai is wondering what makes love work, what makes it last? The soulmate connection doesn't guarantee success. And look at Nara; her devotion, sincerity, and love is obviously still there…still drawing her to Patts, still making it seem like they are inseparable. So maybe he just imagined their love, their connection was perfect. So who is Patts going to choose?

Tai finds his answer because of Patt's words AND actions. Patts says I'll still choose to love you even without all this soulmate stuff. And now thanks to a two-way communication exchange, Tai’s heart and mind has the understanding and confidence it needs because of Patts words AND actions. So in the morning when Patts asks will you be my boyfriend? Tai has his answer. Tai does NOT respond with any WORDS but just kisses Patts. "I'll take that as a yes," says Patts. Tai lets his actions speak for him. Tai is able to voice his fears and has effectively dealt with his inner turmoil and he found his answer with the help of Patts’ words and actions.

Episode 10, The Shitshow:

Lomfon. He is Tai's soulmate too. Well shit you can have your convictions and then all of a sudden your life can be turned upside down. Now suddenly Lomfon's previous convictions about soulmates is no longer ironclad. Obviously he is buying into this whole soulmate, "I'm fated to be with you" mindset because why else would he feel entitled enough to orchestrate a date with Tai to figure out how he feels. The key chain is fate, I'm your soulmate, therefore maybe you're the one I'm suppose to be in love with. Oh this soulmate issue has Lomfon's mind in massive confusion and turmoil. Who is he really in love with? Tai or Tien? Who has his heart?

Lomfon is Tai's soulmate. For Tai that doesn't matter. He is in love with Patts and they have built up enough loving experiences together that now Tai is finally ready to consummate their relationship. For the romantic, idealistic Tai, a man of very few words if at all, for someone whose actions speak louder than words, this is such a big deal.

Patts fell in love with Tai and then later finds out Tai is his soulmate. Wow, perfect! Maybe this relationship has a better chance at working out. Being soulmates is a big deal for Patts. Then the bomb drops and he finds out about Lomfon being soulmate #2. Now Patt feels threatened. Turmoil ensues. He no longer has that security of being the destined one, that fated, one-and-only soulmate. Two soulmates? Inconceivable, nevertheless Patts is visibly shaken and angry. Underneath the surface, just waiting to pounce and prey upon Patts, is his fear because now who's the better soulmate partner for Tai? Nara left him. Maybe Patts isn't good enough and Tai will leave him too.

The shitshow happens. The lies, the kiss with Lomfon, and Patts can no longer keep his fears at bay. He becomes unhinged. Tai is so distraught seeing Patts like this that he rails to the heavens and the soulmate bonds are broken. From here on out things will start getting interesting. Strip away the whole soulmate label and what is each person left with? The potential to see more of the truth.

Tai let's his actions speak for him; he decides to be Patts' boyfriend, he had sex with him--all of this is proof of Tai's choice. Nothing needs to be said. His actions are proof of his love. The problem is that Tai expects Patts to understand this about him. And maybe Patts could understand this if he was calm but Patts isn't calm. Tai tells him, "Do I have to choose? You have to know that I love you so much." But Patts can't comprehend what Tai is saying due to the lies and the fear and anger getting in the way.

I can understand Tai's wanting to wait and continue talking after Patt has calmed down. But when Patts shows up at his house, dude please for god's sake, what's so difficult for you say the words?! Pikachu, I choose you! (Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.) I was struck by Tai's obstinate and adamant refusal to say those three simple words. @fadelikeclouds does a great job of diving into Tai's mind and explaining Tai's and Patts' dynamics. This post helped me understand that Tai might be frustrated and hurt that Patts doesn't truly understand him. Maybe this hurt is huge because he feels Patts doesn't understand all the pain and turmoil he suffered in order to arrive at his decision to be his boyfriend. Maybe Tai feels that the significance of his actions is lost on Patts. But Tai, dude, talk about whatever it is that's hurting you, whatever the heck is preventing you from saying, I choose you. More light is shed on Tai's behavior in @lurkingshan's post.

And then there's Tien…dear god every scene he was in I got destroyed. My heart got ripped out and curb stomped. @heretherebedork and @bengiyo's Not All Gays are Great say it all in their posts. (Bengiyo's take on all the characters is so spot on and just a great read.)

Now without this soulmate issue clouding the picture, maybe Lomfon can have more clarity. Maybe Tai and Patts can work through their issues and clear up their misunderstandings. And maybe at the end of the day Tien can finally have someone in his corner who cares and loves him too because he is the only character whose heart is untouched by all the biases and preconceived notions that this soulmate label comes with. He just loves honestly with his whole heart.

#I love this show #it gives me so much to think about #la pluie #la pluie series #mlite reflections

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