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atinyidea · 5 years

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The Ache Of A Broken Heart | Ateez Song Mingi

⟶ requested by @un-kpop-ular! thank you for the request lovely!

⟶ highschool!au, bestfriends!au, female!reader, named!reader, hanahaki!au

⟶ angst prompt: “it hurts”

⟶ 3133 words!

edit: hi so it's been a couple years and I've realised how genuinely arophobic this kind of au is and I just want to say that while I'm not deleting it (it was a request) I'm not supporting it and will not write anything like a hanahaki au again. Please do some research if you're confused and I apologize to those who mightve felt hurt reading this oneshot.

"I don't understand why you haven't just told him?"

"Well it's not like me telling him will make anything stop. And there's the potential that I'll lose him completely if I tell him. It's not that simple."

"It can be! You tell Mingi you love him and then he can accept that love you back and you stop coughing up fucking flower petals."

"San!" She whined, lifting her head from its resting place on the toilet seat. "I can't force him to love me back! Besides he already has a girlfriend. I'll get over it sooner or later."

"Is later is when you die choking up a whole bunch of flowers?"

"I'm not going to die!"

"You threw up a whole flower just three minutes ago! You're getting worse! I know you." San paused, gently petting her head. "I know how much you let yourself fall into your feelings. You're sensitive, Jiyeon, you always have been. It's not going away."

"I'll make it go away." She whispered, biting her lip and avoiding his gaze. San simply huffed, pulling you into his chest and just held her for a while, rubbing circles into her back.

Choi Jiyeon was many different things to Choi San but the main fact was that she was his cousin. His only cousin. His father was her father's brother and the two only children became as close as siblings due to the fact they shared the same house.

Jiyeon and San were the same age, born a month apart because their mothers planned it. They grew up in a big house with a big garden. They had loving, caring parents and an extremely fortunate wealth and upbringing.

They went to a public school, making plenty of their own friends but somehow they always managed to converge groups to make one big friend group. And, in that friend group just happened to be Song Mingi.

Now, Jiyeon would have to admit, Mingi was, in fact, San's friend first. However, soon after meeting Jiyeon and Mingi were quick to become best friends. Jiyeon would be lying if she didn't say that, besides San, Mingi knew her best. Mingi was the first to tell her everything, the first to include her in events and jokes. He told her everything and in turn, she'd tell him everything too.

Well, except for one small thing.

Choi Jiyeon was completely in love with Song Mingi. And he didn't love her back.

Jiyeon never used to believe in the Hanahaki Disease until the petals started making their way down her throat. She thought it was a myth grandmother would tell to wain children off of loving recklessly. Her own grandmother would tell Jiyeon stories of the girls she used to know. Of how the would give their heart to anyone who'd take it and in return were given flowers. Only when she was a little older did her grandmother tell her that the gifted flowers were actually a curse in the body. Flowers that would come from nowhere and choke one out until one found themselves throwing the petals up. Jiyeon had never taken her grandmother seriously.

Maybe she should have.

She hadn't even noticed she had begun to love Mingi when the first petal arrived. She had been asleep when it did and woke up to a petal laying on her tongue. Having gone to a house party the night before, getting quite drunk by the amount of pain her head was in, she took no notice. She had, unfortunately, woken up with worse things in her mouth before.

The first time she actually threw up a petal, she and San were having their annual weekend movie marathon. In the middle of the fourth film — Star Wars: A New Hope — Jiyeon suddenly hunched over, grabbing both her throat and her tummy. After what felt like hours to her, which in reality was only five minutes of San freaking out behind her, she finally coughed up the petals that had bloomed in her tummy. Both Choi's sat in silence when she had finished, simply staring at the white petals that were stained red. Jiyeon only realised they were stained red with blood after San had handed her a napkin to wipe her mouth and it too came away red.

"What was that?" San asked, both of them now slumped on the floor on their knees, the television in the background now being nothing more than white noise.

"I don't really know."

"How can you not know?"

"Well, it's never happened before!"

After a beat of silence, San spoke up once again, his voice only hairs above a whisper. "It's like that old story grandma used to tell us, don't you think?"

"The story about the women who would die throwing up flowers when the person they loved never loved them back?"

"Yeah."

"That was an old wives tale San! A myth! A story to teach children to be mindful of who they give their heart to."

"Well, how else do you explain what just happened to you?"

His question had her stumped. How could she explain what just happened? The feeling of something unnatural climbing up her oesophagus, catching in her throat and choking her until she coughed it out covered in blood was not something that could be explained away or turned a blind eye too. There was blood. Bloody flower petals. That came from inside of her. And it hurt. It hurt so much.

"But that tale was about someone who loved another who couldn't love them back. I'm not in love with anyone, San." She avoided his gaze. "It's probably something I ate that didn't agree with me. That's all." She dismissed.

San sighed and she heard it. He sighed because Jiyeon had never been about to lie to him — or to anyone for that matter.

"Ji..." San trailed off. "You can tell me."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Is it one of our friends?"

"Is what one of our friends?" Jiyeon feigned ignorance, still not looking up to match her cousin's gaze.

"The person you love," San whispered, manoeuvring from kneeling to sitting, shifting slightly closer to the girl.

"Who says I love anyone?" Jiyeon whispered, finally turning her head to face San.

"Because I think we both already know who you love." San smiled sadly, gently bringing the girl into his arms. He rocked them back and forth gently, trying to create an atmosphere in which Jiyeon felt safe enough to speak her truths.

She rested her head against her cousin's collar. "Are you mad at me?"

San shook his head, even though she couldn't see him. "No. Why would I be?"

"Because..." She looked up, "Mingi's your best friend."

San chuckled. "You can't even lie to yourself. Mingi's your best friend. Sure, he's my good friend but you know things about him he'd never think to tell me." His smile widened a little, lifting a hand to ruffle her hair.

Jiyeon sighed, closing her eyes. "Okay. Maybe I'm in love with Mingi."

"Maybe?"

"I don't know!"

"Jiyeon."

"It's not like it matters anyway. He won't love me back that's why I'm throwing up petals or something." Jiyeon's eyes flew back open.

"Grandma always said didn't... not wouldn't or couldn't." San reminded her gently. "There's still a chance. You just have to tell him."

Jiyeon sighed, her head thumping back into his chest. "Fine." She breathed out, her throat finally numbing. "I'll tell him next time I see him."

The conversation the two had the next time Jiyeon saw Mingi however, was not the conversation she had in mind. He had grabbed her in the middle of the hallway, minutes before the bell for the first period, his handsome face graced with the bright grin only Mingi could create. It sent a flutter of butterflies through her tummy. Before she could get a word in he had already told her his news. The smile on her face had frozen, to the point where she began to panic he's see through the fake happiness she exuded.

"Haneul said yes! She said she'd be my girlfriend!"

Panic froze Jiyeon to her spot. How could she forget about Haneul? The pretty girl Mingi had the biggest crush on. He had spent hours telling Jiyeon all about her. How kind she was. How pretty she was. The way her voice sounded when she spoke to him — "like bells... or the sound of a thousand angels humming!" — and about the way she spoke to him. He told her about how Haneul was smart, how she helped him with all the things he struggled with academically — as if the study sessions he spent with Jiyeon did nothing for him.

Jiyeon had always felt funny when he would talk about Haneul. She hadn't realised the feeling was jealousy until she stopped telling herself she didn't love him.

Haneul was perfect for him; just the right height, just the right build, just the right personality. How could Jiyeon ever be seen as more than just his best friend when someone like Haneul was interested in him?

"That's great! I'm proud of you!" The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. The way his grin beamed brighter tore a rip through her heart and something built up in the pit of her stomach. The bell rang a second later and the two made their separate ways for their first lessons.

Jiyeon couldn't concentrate that entire day. Not many people seemed to notice her out-of-it daze apart from San, who looked at her with silent worry as their group sat together at lunch. Haneul has joined them, sitting close to Mingi's right side, answering the questions their friends had for her with a sweet smile.

Why was there nothing wrong with her?

Jiyeon couldn't blame her though. It wasn't Haneul's fault Jiyeon had fallen in love with her best friend. It wasn't Haneul's fault Jiyeon's body had decided it would take out its heartbreak on her, breaking her down piece by piece until her insides crumbled into torn up petals.

That had been sixth months ago.

Sixth months strong were Haneul and Mingi.

Jiyeon thought that it would get better. That the ache in her chest would dissipate now that Mingi was in fact taken by one of the sweetest people Jiyeon had ever met.

“Why don’t you, you know, date someone? Get your feelings under your own control.” San has said one day during a particularly harsh day, your entire bathroom floor covered in blue petals and sickly red blood after a couple hours of coughing and spluttering. You had given him an exhausted glare.

“It wouldn’t be fair to the other person. How would I explain this? ‘Oh, sorry about the mess! My body is just displaying its heartache outwardly because I love someone, who’s not you, by the way, that doesn’t love me back.’ Yeah, that’d go down a treat.”

San rolled his eyes at her, letting go of the hair he had held out of her face. “I’m just saying. It might be a way to get over it. To get over him. To get your health back?” He pressed gently. It didn’t take much to know that San was worried. Jiyeon had lost a noticeable amount of weight, not being able to keep much of anything down — especially after being around Mingi. She had become quiet, one might say reserved, which was unlike the person she was a couple of years ago who was never without a smile or a laugh.

She felt defeated. “I don’t want anyone else to feel like this. It hurts, so much,” She swallowed. “Every time I throw up those flowers it feels like my heart is being smashed with a steel hammer. Or as if it was made out of paper and each petal was just another rip in the fragility of a water soaked piece of paper. It’s dark. It’s a disgusting feeling and I never want anyone to feel it, ever.”

San’s head cocked to the side, his eyes dropping with worry. “You’re dying, Ji,” He whispered. He took one of her hands in his. “Just try it. Please.” He begged.

Jiyeon bit her lip. It would be too arrogant to assume someone would fall in love with her so easily, wouldn’t it? She could let herself be involved with someone else, couldn’t she? She could get over the dark could that surround her heart, right? She nodded, “Alright.”

So San sent her on a date. Ironically enough, another of their friends, Jeong Yunho, had been interested in Jiyeon for a little while. When San has brought up his little conundrum — “I need someone to set Jiyeon up with but every one I can come up with are all dicks” — Yunho has jumped (literally) at the opportunity.

The date was fun. It was exciting. They had met at a restaurant, exchanging shy smiles and small hellos before ditching the restaurant — it was only San who made the reservation anyway — and spent the night just together, deciding on what to do by playing small games of rock-paper-scissors. Jiyeon found herself smiling, laughing for the first time in a long time. She had temporarily forgotten all about Mingi and the pain that would wrack her body almost every other night. They went to an arcade, playing on different games for a few hours, playing around with one another and cumulating enough tickets to get two matching teddy bears. They took a walk through a park, stopping to play on the playground apparatus and unlocking their inner children with small games like who could get the highest on the swings or who could stay upright the longest on the merry-go-round. They found themselves sitting in a booth at McDonald’s, grinning and sharing embarrassing stories about themselves and their friends — mainly San — while sharing two big boxes of chicken nuggets.

Jiyeon felt guilty when she got home, saying goodnight to Yunho and finding herself texting Mingi all about it. She felt guilty when she realised why she was so adamant for Mingi to know. She wanted him to feel jealous. And she felt horrible when he simply congratulated her and offered to go on double dates in the future, her bedroom floor covered in a smattering of red petals after she broke down in tears.

Yunho was kind. His smile was sweet and his words were sweeter. They went on multiple dates and Jiyeon could feel herself getting lighter. The petal attacks slowed down but, they still happened.

Yunho was kind but Jiyeon was scared. On their last date, he walked her home, their hands laced together as they walked under the stars in the night sky. Jiyeon had told him early on in their relationship that she was sorry they had to go slow. She hadn’t given him a solid reason for her need to go slow and he hadn’t pushed her for an answer, but she knew deep down she’d always be scared to take the next step with him, or anyone for that matter. At her door — one that was unlocked because San just knew she’d forget her keys — Yunho had taken her face in his hands and kissed her. Truth be told, she had enjoyed it. His lips were soft and he bent down enough to brush her lips before straightening up slightly, causing Jiyeon to follow him to a height her tippy toes would allow. However, when she opened her eyes the face of her unrequited lover stared back at her and her smile dropped.

Blinking away the image of Mingi’s face she was greeted with the worried eyes of Yunho. “I’m sorry if that was too fast.” He whispered, eyes dropping to the floor. A familiar feeling twanged across her body as her heart sunk, once again, in guilt.

“You have to go.” Her voice was low. She could feel the familiar sensation arise in the back of her throat and she, under no circumstances, never wanted Yunho — happy, kind, sweet, loving Yunho — too see her like that.

He stuttered and she felt worse. “I- I'm sorry. Just give me another date. I don’t want to stop seeing you.” He cupped her face again, tilting her head up so their gazes could meet.

She needed him to leave.

“You have to go.” She repeated, gently stepping out of his hold. She went to speak again but her words were caught in her throat as she coughed harshly. When she pulled her hand away from her lips, looking between Yunho and the bloody white petal in her hand, tears had already sprung to her eyes. She didn’t give him any explanation before turning on her heel, barrelling through the door to find the nearest bathroom.

She could hear him chasing after her, the sinking feeling of guilt consuming her for how much he cared for someone who was caught up with a boy who couldn’t love her back. She retched into the bowl of the toilet, multicoloured petals falling from her lips in encased in the sickening sound of blood being spat from her mouth.

Yunho was kind. He bent down next to her and held her hair from her face. He rubbed circles into her back, his soft voice falling into a quiet song. When Jiyeon had finished her attack her body wracked itself in sobs instead. She felt horrible inside and out.

“I’m so sorry.” She wailed.

He didn’t respond, stopping his soft singing.

“It hurts so much!” She sobbed, not lifting her head to face him. “I am truly sorry.”

After a while, her sobs lessened and the two sat in silence.

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Yunho finally replied, tilting her head to face him again. “I’m sorry you have to go through this,” He whispered. He raised a thumb and wiped at the side of her mouth, watching as the blood there transferred from her lips to his thumb. “I’m sorry you think you’re going through it alone.”

She looked at him, concentrating. Then, her insides froze again. Her tear ducts overflowed again once she realised just what he was talking about. Her one wish had been destroyed. Someone else was feeling what it felt like to be broken. And it was her fault.

She feared she wouldn’t be able to love anyone other than Mingi. She feared that Yunho loving her would kill him inside as loving Mingi did to her.

But in the end, Choi Jiyeon loved Song Mingi, even though they were young, even though he was taken, even though he was just her best friend.

She’d die loving Song Mingi, and in the end, she did.

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