#my hormones and brain chemicals are all out of whack right now

[whentherewerebicycles]

something is a little out of whack emotionally with me lately and I don’t know what or why. I just feel like I’m way below my usual baseline level of happiness and I’m grumpy more days than not, which is unusual for me. my best guess is that it’s some combination of:

hormones

thinking too much about the news and spending too much time imagining other people’s trauma. I always feel like I have some moral obligation to ‘feel with’ people ie to imagine what’s happening to them happening in my own life/happening to me and I’m not sure it’s a very productive way of engaging with big scary events in the world. certainly it leaves me feeling extremely out of sorts.

having some lowgrade stress still about my job renewal

lots of recent + upcoming travel which has me anticipating being out of my routines

my best friend and her partner are still in a really bad place after her partner’s father died and it’s just making me so sad for them. plus grief is just one of things where you feel so helpless and unable to alleviate it for other people, and even though I know that feeling is normal it doesn’t totally neutralize its effects

I’m not eating very well or exercising enough. very much in a frozen meal + canned soup + occasional takeout phase right now, which is often both an indication that I’m not doing so hot emotionally AND a cause of my general feelings of blehh

feeling a bit lost/in a fallow period creatively and that always makes me stress about whether I’ll ever write again

this is so dumb in the grand scheme of things but my sports team is losing a lot recently and it’s just a small thing but I gotta admit: it does sour my mood especially when I’m already a bit down

I think I might need to reach back to ‘things that kept me sane during the pandemic’ and start dramatically ramping up my exercise again. I feel like that parks and rec meme where the guy’s like ‘if I just keep my body moving at all times I’ll avoid falling into despair!’ or whatever. I know that I can mess with the chemicals in my brain in a positive way by giving myself that big exercise-induced dopamine spike. and honestly that feels like the only thing on my list of stressors that is within my direct control. so ok. maybe actually I’ll skate first, now, and then go to the park to write, to try to give myself a little boost.

[balkanradfem]

When we see a tree, we tend to think of it as a singular unit – just as we think of ourselves as individuals. But biologists have discovered that it’s not quite so simple. They have come to understand that trees depend on certain kinds of fungi in the soil: hair-thin structures called hyphae that interlace with cells in the roots of trees to form mycorrhiza. The fungi benefit by receiving someof the sugar that plants produce through photosynthesis (which it cannot otherwise make), while the trees benefit in turn by receiving elements like phosphorous and nitrogen that they cannot produce for themselves, and without which they cannot survive.

But this reciprocity is not confined to just two parties in this ancient relationship. Invisible fungal networks also connect the roots of different trees to one another, sometimes over great distances, forming an underground internet that allows them to communicate, and even to share energy, nutrients and medicine. The ecologist Robert Macfarlane explains how this works: A dying tree might divest itself of its resources to the benefit of the community, for example, or a young seedling in a heavily shaded understory might be supported with extra resources by its stronger neighbours. Even more remarkably, the network also allows plants to send one another warnings. A plant under attack from aphids can indicate to a nearby plant that it should raise its defensive response before the aphids reach it.

It has been known for some time that plants communicate above ground in comparable ways, by means of airborne hormones. But such warnings are more precise in terms of source and recipient when sent by means of the myco-net. 16 Trees co-operate. They communicate. They share. Not only among members of the same species, but across species barriers: Douglas firs and birches feed each other. And it’s not just trees; we now know that all plants – except for a handful of species – have this same relationship with mycorrhiza. Just as with our gut bacteria, these findings challenge how we think about the boundaries between species. Is a tree really an individual? Can it really be conceived as a separate unit? Or is it an aspect of a broader, multi-species organism?

There’s also something else going on here – something perhaps even more revolutionary. Dr Suzanne Simard, a professor in the department of forest & conservation at the University of British Columbia, has argued that mycorrhizal networks among plants operate like neural networks in humans and other animals; they function in remarkably similar ways, passing information between nodes. And just as the structure of neural networks enables cognition and intelligence in animals, mycorrhizal networks provide similar capacities to plants. Recent research shows that the network not only facilitates transmission, communication and co-operation – just like our neurons do – it also facilitates problem-solving, learning, memory and decision-making.

These words are not just metaphorical. The ecologist Monica Gagliano has published groundbreaking research on plant intelligence, showing that plants remember things that happen to them, and change their behaviour accordingly. In other words, they learn. In a recent interview with Forbes, she insisted: ‘My work is not about metaphors at all; when I talk about learning, I mean learning. When I talk about memory, I mean memory.’ Indeed, plants actively change their behaviour as they encounter new challenges and receive messages about the changing world around them. Plants sense: they see, hear, feel and smell, and they respond accordingly. If you’ve ever seen time-lapse footage of a vine growing up a tree, you’ll have an idea of what this looks like in action: that vine is no automaton – it’s sensing, moving, balancing, solving problems, trying to figure out how to navigate new terrain. The more we learn, the stranger (or perhaps more familiar?) it all becomes. Simard’s work shows that trees can recognise their own relatives through mycorrhizal networks. Older ‘mother’ trees can identify nearby saplings that came from their own seeds, and they use this information to decide how to allocate resources in times of stress. Simard also describes how trees seem to have ‘emotional’ responses to trauma in a way that’s not dissimilar to animals. After a machete whack or during an aphid attack, their serotonin levels change (yes, they have serotonin, along with a number of neurochemicals that are common in animal nervous systems), and they start pumping out emergency messages to their neighbours.

Of course, none of this is to say that plant intelligence is exactly like that of animals. In fact, scientists warn that our urge to constantly compare the intelligence of some species with that of others is exactly the problem: it ends up blinding us to how other kinds of intelligence might work. Set out in search of a brain and you’ll never even notice the mycorrhiza that have been pulsing through the earth, evolving right under our feet, for 450 million years. This research is just taking off, and we have no idea where it might lead. But Simard is careful to point out that it’s not exactly new: If you listen to some of the early teachings of the Coast Salish and the Indigenous people along the western coast of North America, they knew [about these insights] already. It’s in the writings and in the oral history.

The idea of the mother tree has long been there. The fungal networks, the below-ground networks that keep the whole forest healthy and alive, that’s also there. That these plants interact and communicate with each other, that’s all there. They used to call the trees the tree people … Western science shut that down for a while and now we’re getting back to it.

Trees aren’t only connected with each other. They are also connected with us. Over the past few years, research into human–tree relationships has yielded some truly striking findings. A team of scientists in Japan conducted an experiment with hundreds of people around the country. They asked half of the participants to walk for fifteen minutes through a forest, and the other half to walk through an urban setting, and then they tested their emotional states. In every case, the forest walkers experienced significant mood improvements when compared to the urban walkers, plus a decline in tension, anxiety, anger, hostility, depression and fatigue. The benefits were immediate and effective. Trees also have an impact on our behaviour. Researchers have found that spending time around trees makes people more co-operative, kinder and more generous. It increases our sense of awe and wonder at the world, which in turn changes how we interact with others. It reduces aggression and incivility. Studies in Chicago, Baltimore and Vancouver have all discovered that neighbourhoods with higher tree cover have significantly fewer crimes, including assault, robbery and drug use – even when controlling for socioeconomic status and other confounding factors.

It’s almost as though being with trees makes us more human. We don’t know quite why this happens. Is it just that green environments are somehow more pleasant and calming? A study in Poland suggests that doesn’t explain it. They had people spend fifteen minutes standing in a wintertime urban forest: no leaves, no green, no shrubbery; just straight, bare trees. One might think such an environment would have minimal if any positive impact on people’s mood, but not so: participants standing in the bare forest reported significant improvements in their psychological and emotional states when compared to a control group that spent those fifteen minutes hanging out in an urban landscape. And it’s not just mood and behaviour. It turns out that trees have an impact on our physical health too – in concrete, material terms. Living near trees has been found to reduce cardiovascular risk. Walking in forests has been found to lower blood pressure, cortisol levels, pulse rates and other indicators of stress and anxiety.

Even more intriguingly, a team of scientists in China found that elderly patients with chronic health conditions demonstrated significant improvements in immune function after spending time in forests. We don’t know for sure, but this may have something to do with the chemical compounds that trees exhale into the air. The aromatic vapours released by cypress, for example, have been found to enhance the activity of a number of human immune cells, while reducing stress hormone levels. In an attempt to quantify the overall benefit of trees, scientists in Canada found that trees have a more powerful impact on our health and well-being than even large sums of money. Having just ten more trees on a city block decreases cardio-metabolic conditions in ways comparable to earning an extra $20,000. And it improves one’s sense of well-being as much as earning an extra $10,000, moving to a neighbourhood with $10,000 higher median income, or being seven years younger. These results are astonishing. There’s a real mystery here, which scientists still do not yet understand. But perhaps we shouldn’t be so surprised. After all, we have co-evolved with trees for millions of years. We even share DNA with trees. After countless generations, we’ve come to depend on them for our health and happiness just as we depend on other humans. We are, in a very real sense, relatives.

- Jason Hickel,  Less is More

#quote #less is more #trees #tree loving writing #tree knowledge #tree wisdom

[lifeascaty]

.

so, uh, remember last year when I had supply problems with my meds and I ended up going cold turkey and through three months of severe hell where every day was another form of agony and then I topped it all off with a month of depression before my doctor said I should really go back on my meds and that this is might be a permanent thing because I don’t have the right balance of chemicals in my brain so I needed to make my peace with always taking medication?

well. guess who stopped taking her medication!

So, after I went back on my meds in February, I was so freaked about having supply issues again that I didn’t go back on them properly. Instead of one a day, I took one every other day. 

And then I flew home and I couldn’t find my meds in my packing because I’m an idiot, so there was like a week or two where I took zero meds. Then I found a strip of them but my cats ran off with them (not to eat them - they are in no danger - but to play with the crinkly sound). So there was another delay before I could find my meds again.

I did have some side effects, but not like last time because, as far as my body was concerned, I’d only been taking meds since February, and only every other day (whereas my previous withdrawal came after 3 years of daily doses). So I thought, hey, I’m not doing too bad, maybe I can prove my doctor wrong and really cope without them this time. 

The reason I want to do this is because my meds come with a bunch of possible side effects the longer I take them. But they’re the type of side effects you’ll only find out about way in the future. It’s not like my birth control where I have acne concurrently thanks to the hormones. It’s like “hey, 10 years from now your body could be quite fucked up, let’s roll the dice and see what happens!!!” 

And I don’t want that????

But now I’m sitting here, having a real fucking down day. And it’s the biggest down day I’ve had in a while, which is saying something considering what’s been happening since March. And I’m genuinely wondering if this is the start of the depression because I’ve been so inconsistent with my meds? My OCD has also been quite bad . . .

OR, am I sad because the other day I had to transfer all the media from my google drive onto a harddrive and that required me going through all the photos of my life in LA and that caused some delayed sadness? OR, is it because my manager gave me very, very fair and very, very helpful notes yesterday that also made me see how bad a draft of something was and now I’m just sad as a natural consequence of that? OR is it the brain chemicals? 

Anyway. What happened to me last year was truly awful and if it looks like I’m heading that way again then I will of course go back on my meds but I very, very much want to go without them. Not because of some fucked up “I want to be normal” bs but because I just really don’t like that I have to accept the possibility of future harm to my body while taking them. 

ANyway. Here’s hoping I’m just sad because I feel like a bad writer and not because my brain chemicals are out of whack!!!

#personal

[questioningsideblog]

I am not at all convinced by the argument that less people would want to transition if gender roles were not so strong.

I do not buy it because I do not see all urge towards transition as necessarily rooted in classic dysphoria. Some people just want to change things. 

Our bodies are complicated machines. They work amazingly well for products  of nature, but we have TECHNOLOGY! Hormones are an example of this process. They are small little chemicals, very essential for things like bone health. They do this job, and then they go and have a huge affect on everything from your appearance to your moods. Hormones being “out of whack” can affect your weight, your fertility, affect how much hair you have and where, they involved in acne and body odor smell and skin texture. Height and breast tissue, sex drive, energy levels, musculature!

Hormones! They are everywhere in your body affecting all the things!

And I am just supposed to accept whatever my body produces out of the box? 

In the hypothetical future where sexism is less of a thing, less people are oppressed for being GNC, and being either of those roles does not entail in-taking horrible messages all your life, but medical technology should have improved. There may be a discover-able way to easily monitor and essentially choose the balance of testosterone and estrogen (and others) in your body. 

This could then easily be tailored to suit needs. People might choose this based on aesthetic value, or for functionality reasons (strength training/fertility/smooth skin). I can not say, I do not have access to it. I imagine a lot of people would let it be natural until there was an issue, but I do not live in that future. I live here.

HERE: is a capitalist dystopian nightmare world. 

And in this world young children are made to feel awful for not having the right body ideal.

Like, not to get too Freudian here, but I know exactly what my issue is. The little part of my brains dedicated in most girls to feeling bad for not looking like Jessica Rabbit got confused, and wanted to be a hairy buff guy instead. I have most of the same issues, just pointed at the wrong side of the axis because I love making my life hard. 

This is not necessarily 100% a great reason to transition if I can just live with it, but I do not judge people for wanting to lay down tracks in the transition path, because they, like, have money and health care and stuff. Good 4 U!

HOWEVER: The fact that testosterone seemed to have cleared up a lot of problems with my cycle. I used to bleed rarely and painfully, and after a short course of testosterone, my cycle is not that bad anymore. Why? Who knows? Someone should study this to see if low doses of testosterone can help others with similar issues to mine (LOTS), but instead it is (it is it is it is) preying on our sadness and confusion to sell us as many surgeries and products as possible, and then sitting back and not being a driving force for help when we are still threatened in the economic sphere. Testosterone, in very low doses, is a proven anti-depressant. This is cool and interesting and great, but also something that needs to be monitored. Carefully. The technology is new. 

I hate to be negative. I want the future now. But I have seen too many doctors right now who are too willing to give these options to young hurting people and then just let them fly off into the wind without any help. There should not be one person in their mid-twenties with a hysterectomy and not able to see an endocronologist. THey have created a desperate class of consumers, and enough will be helped enough to make something (Money) of themselves that the ones who fall off are ignor-able.  

I hate being part of that class. I do not want that.

But that does not mean that I do not want people to have the freedom. I want to live in the glorious time when aging men can fine tune their T in order to save their hair. I want it to be that good.

Here and now though I feel like less than a lab rat. I see a generation around me being used and I worry for our health and future financial options. I worry that some may DIE if Shit Hits The Fan and medical care becomes hard to get a hold of. I think this is going to happen. 

But I do not think that wanting a beard and getting a beard shows that someone is denying biological reality. Acting like everyone is always going to have whatever their genes set out for them is denying (The New! Improved! Science!) biological reality. 

#i say stuff #detransition #transition #transhumanism #radical feminism

[travisandersondatingblog]

Definition of Love: Discover The 3 Types + What Love Really Is

If you had asked me ten years ago, I couldn’t have told you what the definition of love was. I never really understood love until I personally experienced it.

Maybe you’re the same. Maybe you’ve been in long-term relationships — even married and now divorced — and still aren’t sure how to define love. Maybe you feel like, despite the fact that you spent years with a man…you really didn’t truly love him, and now you’re wondering what that would feel like.

If you haven’t truly experienced love, that’s perfectly all right. That’s why you’re here. Because sometimes, when you least expect it, someone comes into your life so unexpectedly, takes your heart by surprise, and everything changes you forever.

So realize that even if you don’t know what the definition of love is at this moment, you will…possibly very soon.

In today’s video and post, I want to talk about three different types of love. Because, if you look up a word in the dictionary, a definition of a word often has different meanings or sub-definitions. So the definition of love can actually be three types of love that we’ll get into shortly.

Your Coach,

      P.S. My Attract the One webinar is a must-attend for any woman who’s serious about discovering the definition of love for herself.

Introduction to the Definition of Love

Love is a chemical bond. While it might seem all goo-goo eyes and magic to you, it’s actually quite scientific.

According to a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers, romantic love can be broken down into three categories, each of which has its own set of pheromones and chemicals going on in the brain:

Lust

Attraction

Attachment

So it’s interesting to see that not all love is the same. And certainly, each one of us might give a different definition of love.  You may or may not experience each of these types of love, so don’t worry if you identify with one over the others when you date a man.

Also, you may experience one type of love while the guy you’re with experiences a totally different definition of love. In the eight years I’ve been coaching people on how to find and keep love, I’ve seen that happen again and again. So let’s look at each definition of love and love type so you can assess what to do in each.

Love Type #1: Lust

If you just met and you can’t keep your hands off him, it’s lust.

You meet a man while you’re out with a friend, and there’s just…something about him. You can’t get him out of your head. He’s unlike any guy you’ve been attracted to.

From a hormone standpoint, you’ve got estrogen flowing through your brain, while his is filled with testosterone when lust is happening. The lust love type is where a lot of one-night stands happen.

Lust is also where that whole “I fell in love with him at first sight” experience occurs. But, while I’m not here to debate whether love at first sight is a real thing or not in this article, I just want to point out that what is often seen as love at first sight is usually a strong physical attraction that could (or could not) end up being something more sustaining and real.

A group of Dutch researchers conducted a series of studies where they found that, upon looking at photos of people that they’d never met, participants who said they felt love at first sight often ranked higher for feeling physical attraction than actual love.

To me, lust happens when you have little to go on about a person beyond their physical looks. And yes, that wonderful chemistry that happens when two people are physically compatible plays a large role. But without more data for your heart to process, lust may be simply a physical reaction to another human.

So while you might think you love this guy, if you haven’t been dating more than a few weeks, it may just be lust. That doesn’t mean it can’t turn into something more, but realize that you’re not there yet. You don’t know him well enough to experience the true definition of love.

Is It Wrong to Feel Lust For a Man?

Lust gets a bad rap. Yes, I did say that one-night stands usually happen as a result of lust, but I’m not knocking it as an emotion or feeling.

When you’re in lust, your synapses are firing on all cylinders. You’re so immersed in a person that you feel like you can’t come up for air. When you’re in bed together, it’s just fireworks. Boom. You’re convinced you’ve never had sex as good as this in your life (whether it’s true or not).

There’s nothing wrong with lust.

What’s important is to acknowledge that you’re experiencing lust, and not confusing it with a deeper love.

As you get to know this man, you bond emotionally and come to respect him. That lust may turn to passion (which is very similar), which is sustaining and not selfish, the way lust can be. Still, a relationship that starts out with lust (and most do) absolutely has the potential to be long-term.

Love Type #2: Attraction

Once you care more about him than his body, you’ve moved to attraction.

The second definition of love is attraction. While it’s similar to lust in some ways in that you’re drawn to that person, different hormones race through your brain:  dopamine and norepinephrine.

With attraction, you can’t eat.

You can’t sleep.

You can’t stop thinking about him.

You’ve got a giddy feeling whenever you think about this guy.

Not only are you drawn to him physically, but you’re also attracted to his personality, so we’ve leveled up in terms of love type. It’s most common in that honeymoon phase of a relationship, which may last six months to a year.

The Difference Between Attraction and Lust

You may not see an obvious difference between attraction and lust. After all, they both happen early in a relationship and can be superficial.

Lust is about one thing: sex. It puts blinders on your eyes to a man’s faults sometimes because all you want is his body.

You can overlook that he’s a slob.

You can overlook that he’s sleeping with lots of women.

You can overlook the fact that he’s not boyfriend material at all.

But attraction is where you’re starting to know this guy more, and you’re more emotionally invested in other aspects of him besides sex. You may be attracted to his brain. You may love his laugh or his jokes. Essentially, there’s more ground for a relationship to blossom once you feel attraction.

But while attraction is one step deeper into the definition of love, I’d say you still don’t have true and full love yet.

Love Type #3: Attachment

Once you work on bonding long-term, you’ve got the attachment love type.

Now we come to the third definition of love: attachment. The hormones kicking in here are oxytocin and vasopressin.

While I’ll say this is the “friend zone” of love, don’t get me wrong about what I mean. I don’t mean that you’re only friends once you reach the attachment phase; instead, I mean that you have deep respect and connection with this man. Not only do you find him physically pleasing, but you also actually like the guy and enjoy spending time with him.

Think about it from an evolutionary perspective: while our ancestors’ primary goal was reproduction, the secondary goal was to build a family unit. So if you as a cave-lady were attached to the father of your children (and vice versa), he’d stick around and bring you guys dinosaur meat rather than moving on to spread his seed elsewhere. He’d protect you, and you’d raise your kids together.

Even if you’re not looking to reproduce, that sense of attachment can ensure that you have a solid foundation for a relationship.

With attachment, you will want to commit even more to the man you love. That might mean you move in together or get married. You share everything with him. You tell him your secrets, and he tells you his. You trust one another completely.

This is, of course, where the definition of love really kicks in.

The Secret: You Need to Balance All Three to Really Enjoy Love

In a perfect world, you will have a beautifully balanced concoction of lust, attraction, and attachment.

If they’re out of whack, you may experience jealousy, irrational behavior, or even cheat. You may end up in a relationship that doesn’t work if one of you, for example, has way more lust than attachment.

But in a healthy long-term relationship — which is what Sexy Confidence is all about — you have a balance. You may start out with lust, which grows into attraction, and then finally attachment. But you will also continue to experience each of those.

You may be with your man for five years, and one day as he’s dressing for a date, you become overwhelmed with lust for him. Do your thing!

You may every day be so grateful to have such an intelligent and hot man love you.

And you may rely on him as your partner in life, further strengthening that attachment bond.

Lust. Attraction. Attachment. They’re all important and necessary as you come to develop your own definition of love.

Conclusion:

True love has a healthy balance of lust, attraction, and attachment.

Even if you can’t yet give me your definition of love from personal experience, at least you’re more aware of the components that go into it. I guarantee you’ve felt at least one of these types of love in your life…maybe even all three.

Love feels different for everyone. But what should be consistent is that he…

Makes you feel safe.

Makes you feel appreciated.

Enhances your life.

Lights you up inside.

Makes you want to be a better person.

I know it’s easy to want to fit one guy into the role of being Mr. Right, but if you have any question whatsoever of whether it’s love or not…it probably isn’t. As they say, you’ll just know when it’s right.

If you’re in a relationship and it’s not right, don’t try to make it a good enough relationship and settle for less than you deserve. Love is — and you have to believe me on this — worth waiting for, even if it takes a while. When you finally fall in true love, you’ll laugh at all the times you thought you felt it in the past.

So what do you think is your primary focus when you’re out meeting men right now, lust, attraction, or attachment? Take the survey in the video.

Then let me know in the comments below: do you agree with this definition of love?

Attract the One and find your perfect balance of these types of love. Sign up for this love workshop today!

The post Definition of Love: Discover The 3 Types + What Love Really Is appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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#IFTTT #Meet Positives SM Feed 3

[pcrozier87]

Postpartum depression. It’s real. It’s debilitating. It’s scary. But it’s really common. Anywhere from 11 to 20% of all women in the United States alone experience postpartum depression symptoms, though many don’t get the help they need. I was lucky. I knew what to look for, knew it was probably coming, and got help immediately. It’s not possible to predict depression, though. So how did I know? I suspected. A study was published earlier in the year that linked the use of synthetic oxytocin and postpartum anxiety and depression, showing that the release of oxytocin from the pituitary gland during labor and delivery is necessary for developing maternal emotions and connections with the new baby and that the introduction of the man-made version can interrupt that process. Now, that’s not to say it’s GOING to happen, but it makes it more likely. With the anxiety and self-image issues I was already experiencing during pregnancy, mild though they were, I figured the prolonged exposure to the Pitocin (remember it was almost 30 hours of the IV drip), I would be more susceptible.

I had been warned about it. I have friends and family who experienced the same issues and they were all extremely supportive and checked on me regularly. And then it hit when I was least expecting it. I had this feeling of overwhelming inadequacy because I couldn’t move around like I wanted to. I was still recovering from major surgery and I logically accepted that, but the emotion wasn’t going away. I felt like a failure because the baby couldn’t latch for breastfeeding and I was tied to a pump that was inconvenient and left me unable to take care of my child while I pumped. I felt like my body failed me because I couldn’t give birth the “right” way, I couldn’t breastfeed the way I was “supposed” to, and I wasn’t up and back on my feet days after giving birth. I was tired and sore and sad and it didn’t matter how much my amazing husband told me otherwise. I saw myself as unattractive and overweight, flabby, and ineffective. I thought about leaving because I was a horrible mother in my own mind. I was upset about the mounting medical bills that I couldn’t pay immediately. I was overwhelmed by the amount of clutter in the apartment that I could do nothing about. I even thought, fleetingly and never with any real intention, of ending it for the betterment of everyone involved. I have NEVER been suicidal, but I considered the possibilities and I knew, in those moments, that this wasn’t me. I was NOT okay. And I told my people, talked to my husband, and got help.

So now I’m on Zoloft and I’m better. I stopped pumping, which means no more breastfeeding, but she’s happy and fed and it’s healthier for me mentally and emotionally. She’s on formula and has transitioned easily. I have a better appreciation for my body and the changes it’s been through, I mourned the loss of my ideal birth and rejoiced in my body’s strength and speed of recovery, and I allowed people to take care of me while I recovered from having the front half of my body cut apart. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll be paying medical bills for a while, and my apartment is much tidier and more organized (largely thanks to my amazing mama). I’m back facing the light with the dark firmly in its place. I’m still tired, but not exhausted, and I have moments when I see the shadows sneaking back in, but I can overcome them now, like I was always able to before the chemicals in my brain got out of whack. I’m a very strong-willed, stubborn person, with a ridiculously optimistic streak that keeps me positive and my head high.

I even have accepted my stretch marks (my husband calls them tiger stripes), the weird hair growing all over from the hormones, and the first gray hair I found just days after my 30th birthday and right before my first Mother’s Day. That sweet face makes it all worth it.

I was one of the lucky ones. I have friends, an amazingly understanding husband, a safety network, and enough self-awareness to see when something isn’t right. If you know somebody who had a baby in the past year, check on them. See if they’re REALLY okay, not just getting by on the surface. And if you’re the one who gave birth, it’s okay to ask for help, both professionally and personally. Ask for medicine to get your balance back, ask for a sitter to catch up on your sleep, and ask for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Sometimes talking things out is enough. Don’t underestimate the power of sleep, either. Sleep deprivation is a torture technique, and that exhaustion will wreak havoc on your psyche. There’s light at the end of the dark tunnel that is postpartum depression. I promise. I’ve found it.

PPD 411 Postpartum depression. It's real. It's debilitating. It's scary. But it's really common. Anywhere from 11 to 20% of all women in the United States alone experience postpartum depression symptoms, though many don't get the help they need.