#ofc he CARES about gregory as much as he can. hes concerned for him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dusty-cookie · 7 years

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Through The Valley - Chapter 12

AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10075958/chapters/25857774

Tags: @rickdixonandthefandomlifeposts @embracetheapocalypsewithme @kinkozan @lupienne @theblack-wolf @lovingzombiechaos@dragonracer @miiraal

Pairing: Negan X OFC

Word Count: 6337

Jesus smiled kindly at Negan and Lilly.

“It's almost dark. The road between Hilltop and the Kingdom can be dangerous at night and it's a long drive. We've got a tent to spare. And I'd sleep much better knowing you won't be out there in the dark.”

“That's some really fucking nice hospitality,” Negan said with a grin. Lilly was glad to see her leader being his usual cheerful self again.

Negan started to ask Jesus all kinds of questions about the Hilltop colony, as the three of them walked across the lawn to the area with the beer benches and picnic tables. There was a long line in front of the large barbecue grill, where a sheep was rotating on a spit roast. They grabbed some plates and joined the people waiting for their turn to get dinner.

Lilly was watching their dinner revolving over the fire in fascination and made a mental note to ask Marv to build a spit roast. The smell that wafted over was mouth-watering and Lilly was ravenous by the time it was finally their turn to pile some meat and vegetables onto their plates. She sat down with Jesus and Negan and immediately attacked her food like a starving lion.

“Someone’s got their fucking appetite back.”

“Uhm phee ing muh berra!”

“I’m going to pretend that you said something nice about my dick.”

Jesus was looking a little uncomfortable. Lilly couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t used to Negan’s excessive dick talk.

“I said I’m feeling much better. I’ve been worrying so much these past couple of days, it’s like a weight lifted from my shoulders. Thank you so much, Jesus, for letting us see Dr. Carson and for being so nice and accommodating.”

“You’re very welcome. There are already enough enemies out there. Best not to turn away friends in need.”

Dr. Carson joined them and reminded Lilly to take her first pill with her dinner.

“Looks like you are pretty fucking comfortable here, though,” Negan said after making sure that Lilly had downed her antibiotics with some water, “We’ve barely seen any undead fucks on our way here and no fucking alarms or anything all day.”

Lilly had a feeling that she knew where Negan was going with this and she tried hard to keep her face neutral while chewing her potatoes.

“No, the area is pretty safe. We do get some stragglers from time to time, but the Saviors clear those out once a week. I’m sure it’s the same at the Kingdom.” Jesus explained.

“Oh yeah,” Negan grinned, “Same at the Kingdom. It’s a pretty fucking great arrangement for you guys, though, right? I mean, I noticed that you’re not exactly the gun-wielding type.” He motioned to the steel walls, where a couple of guards were standing with their spears.

“We don’t have many fighters, that’s true,” Dr. Carson said with a frown, “But taking half of our supplies for themselves after forcing their help on us? I don’t quite see how that is supposed to be good arrangement.”

Lilly could feel Negan tense up next to her. She was relieved when Jesus addressed her instead.

“Did they increase their demands for the Kingdom, too? It used to be one third and then they changed it to half a couple of months back.”

“I don’t know of any specifics, I’m just one of the kitchen workers,” Lilly lied, “But there are rumors, of course, that the Saviors want more supplies for their services. It was a hard winter.”

“That’s true, but it was a hard winter for all of us,” Dr. Carson said in an increasingly louder voice, waving around the fork in his hand, “They can’t just come here and demand stuff. We’ve got people to feed. We should do something about it.”

Negan opened his mouth and was just about ready to start argueing, when Lilly put her hand on his thigh under the table. The gesture apparently surprised him so much that he forgot about people threatening his Saviors.

“It does look like you’ve got plenty of food right now, though,” Lilly answered instead, “I’m sure if you ever have any trouble providing for your people, you could talk to them.”

“Have you ever met them?” Jesus asked and Lilly shook her head, “It’s true that we have plenty of food to spare at the moment, but one more hard winter and we’ll be in deep shit. And there’s no talking to those people. They just take what they want. It’s true that they kill the walkers for us, but I’m having a hard time accepting that it justifies the amount of food they take from us.”

“I guess you should start fucking practicing with those fucking sticks real quick then,” Negan remarked. Jesus and Dr. Carson nodded, apparently thinking he had meant that they would have to fight the undead on their own if they decided to cut ties with the Sanctuary. But Lilly knew her leader well enough to understand the double meaning of his words. The Saviors would not accept being denied their tribute without a fight.

“Good to see you! Are you having a nice dinner? Jesus, Harlan, all good down here?” They all looked up to a man smiling down at them with brilliantly white teeth, wearing a clean and pressed dress shirt and a suit coat. He started waving at some of the people eating at different tables, not really paying attention to the small group he had just addressed.

“Yes, Gregory, everything is in order. Go have some dinner,” Jesus answered. So this was the so far suspiciously absent leader of the Hilltop.

“Wonderful. I’m going to sit with Earl today. Gotta make sure our blacksmith is happy. See you around.”

“I highly doubt that Earl will be happy about Gregory joining him for dinner,” Dr. Carson quipped and he and Jesus chuckled.

“Why the fuck are you keeping that fucking idiot as a leader if you all think so fucking low of him? Why aren’t you taking over, for example?” Negan looked at Jesus.

“It’s not that he’s a bad leader. He’s charismatic. He inspires people. He just doesn’t like to get his hands dirty.”

“Well I think he’s a bit of an airhead. He didn’t even notice two strangers sitting right in front of him,” Lilly noted, “I know you’re a big community, but a real leader should at least know everyone’s face. Ezekiel knows everyone’s name at the Kingdom and even where they came from.” Lilly didn’t exactly know if that was really the case, but from what she had heard of the Kingdom’s eccentric leader, she figured that it might just as well be true. It was for Negan.

“I think we can all agree that King Ezekiel’s leading style is much different from Gregory’s,” Jesus laughed and they all joined in.

It was already dark by the time they had finished eating and talking. They all got up to bring their plates to the table where a couple of people were busy washing dishes. Gina came up to them and handed them two flashlights and Lilly thanked her again before saying goodnight to a yawning Dr. Carson. Jesus led them to one of the tents.

“This is one of the family tents. It can house six people. But we don’t need it at the moment and I figured you’d be more comfortable if you don’t have to sleep with your feet hanging out,” Jesus grinned up at Negan, “I also put some blankets in there. The nights can still be pretty cold.”

“Damn, you’re a fucking considerate bunch.”

“I hope you’ll tell your King about it. You know, in case we ever need his help.”

“Abso-fucking-lutely!”

Jesus showed them the way to the outhouse and told them good night, before disappearing into the big house in the middle of the compound. Lilly excused herself for a moment to go pee and brush her teeth.

When she got back and ducked into the tent, Negan had already set out the blankets and was lying with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Lilly crawled up to sit next to him and took off her shirt, boots and jeans, only to then put her boots back on before she covered herself with one of the blankets.

“Seriously? You keep your fucking shoes on while sleeping?”

“Always. You can never be too careful.”

“Heh. It’s going to be a damn fucking awesome sight if you have to run somewhere in the middle of the night with your naked ass hanging out.”

“If I really have to run somewhere in the middle of the night, my naked ass will be the least of my concerns. And I’m going to be faster than you, because I already have my boots on.”

He laughed and turned to his side, propping his head up with one arm to face her.

“That was a really fucking interesting day.”

“Yeah. I still can’t get over the fact that they let us in just like that. I mean, I’m grateful. But it is a huge risk. And that Gregory person didn’t even notice us. I’d kick your giant ass if you ever did something like that.”

“You wouldn’t be at the Sanctuary if I was such a pathetic fucking excuse for leader.”

“That’s true. Or I might have taken over from you after all.”

He laughed and then studied her for a moment.

“So what’s a fucking… what was it called? Hystomy?”

“Hysterectomy. It means they removed my uterus and ovaries. It’s the usual course of action for this kind of cancer, especially for someone so young.”

“Oh…” He thought about that for while. “Does that mean I can finish inside of you and you won’t get pregnant?”

“Jesus fucking Christ Neg… Nathan!” Lilly exclaimed and turned away from him, pulling the blanket up to her nose.

“What? I was just trying to lighten the fucking mood a little.”

“My mood was perfectly fucking fine you big oaf. God, you’re an insensitive fucker sometimes.”

“Aww, I’m sorry babe.” He sounded genuine. She turned to lie on her back and looked up at him. “Is that the reason you have a fucking problem with putting down kids?”

“Yeah. Well, part of it. It’s also why I snapped at Seth when he asked me if I’m on the rag.”

“Most chicks I’ve met always complained about their fucking periods. Like they’d be happy not to deal with this shit anymore.”

“Until it’s taken away from them by force.”

“Huh, yeah. Guess that makes fucking sense.” He looked like he was pondering over something again. As if he wasn’t sure how much he could ask her. But Lilly had already told him so much about herself, she thought she might just as well continue the trend, so she smiled up at him to show him that the topic wasn’t too uncomfortable for her. “Did you want to have kids? Before you got sick?”

“Yeah, I mean… I guess I wanted to at least have the option, you know? I actually didn’t think too much about it after I had the surgery.” Lilly remembered how her life fell apart. She had repressed these memories quite successfully for a very long time and now it all came rushing back to her. Her face darkened and Negan noticed immediately.

“Hey, we don’t have to talk about this shit…”

“No, it’s okay. I mean, it wasn’t my fault, right? I’ve never been seriously sick until then. I exercised a lot. I had a bit of an unhealthy obsession with pizza and I liked to have a glass of wine here and there, but still…”

“Of course it wasn’t your fucking fault. Cancer is a fucking bitch that can go fuck right off and fuck itself in the ass,” Negan declared rather passionately, but Lilly barely registered what he was saying.

“Tell that to my fiancé.”

“You were engaged?”

“Yeah. Emphasis on were.”

“Are you fucking telling me that fucker left you when you got sick?”

“Some time after my surgery.” Lilly sighed and put her hands behind her head. Now that she had started telling Negan about that time in her life, it just kept pouring out if her. “We met in college, moved in together. The relationship soon went downhill. I suppose that’s why he proposed. To mend things. I studied a lot, since I was close to graduating and I also worked as a teaching assistant for one of my professors. Brian always complained about me never being home. I really tried to make time for him, but whenever I wanted to spend an evening or like a Sunday with him, he’d just play video games all day.”

“What a fucking tool.”

“Yeah. Not a very nice guy, in retrospect. When I got the diagnosis I was so scared. But he acted like it was super inconvenient for him. He only visited me once in the hospital.” Lilly glanced at Negan who looked like he was about to punch something. She hadn’t even gotten to the really crappy part yet. “I got home and he was so distant, always going out with friends. So, when I felt better, I decided to fly to Michigan and spend some time with my family. I had hoped that a little distance would put things into perspective for him. That he would be happy when I got home healthy. I mean, some people just can’t deal with seeing their loved ones sick, right? But when I got back after three weeks, he welcomed me home together with his new girlfriend and all my stuff packed into garbage bags sitting in the hallway.”

“You gotta be fucking shitting me.”

“Those were my exact words when I opened our door, funnily enough. He told me in no uncertain terms that it was over. And because I’m pathetic I asked him why. So he explained that he had been unhappy for a long time and that the cancer had just been the icing on the shit-cake. That he couldn’t possibly marry me anymore now that I couldn’t have kids. That he had found Brittany, or Nancy, or whatever the fuck her name was and she made him happy. And that she wasn’t broken, like me.”

Lilly’s voice finally broke and she stopped talking so as not to burst into tears. No matter how often she tried to convince herself that she was over the whole thing, it still hurt to think and talk about it.

“Please tell me that motherfucker is fucking dead, so I don’t have to go search for him and make him meet Lucille.”

She released a shaky laugh. “I don’t know. He wasn’t exactly the survivor type. Though he would have told you otherwise of course. Besides, breaking up with someone isn’t exactly punishable by death. Even nowadays.”

“Well it fucking is to me. Fucking weak-ass motherfucker. A real man stays by his woman no matter fucking what. In sickness and in fucking health, right?”

“I guess I’m lucky I never married him, then.”

Negan kept grumbling, but Lilly was lost in thoughts.

“You know you’re not broken, though, right? Pretty fucking far from it. You’re a badass tough fucking bitch and this time I mean that as a fucking compliment.”

Lilly smiled up to the ceiling and pulled up her blanket again. She was shivering, both from the cold and from getting riled up talking about her past. She heard rustling beside her and then Negan draped his leather jacket over her.

“Thanks. Now you’re cold, though.”

“Nah, I’m good. Just don’t drool on it too much. Do you think you’ll be able to sleep?”

“Probably not.”

“Hmph. Well, you know where my dick is in case you get bored. Night Lil, I mean, Elizabeth.”

“Good night Negan.” Lilly whispered and rolled away from him. The scent from his jacket filled her nose. Leather and woodsmoke and Negan. She smiled to herself with a small sigh and tried to relax. It would be a long night. Maybe she could wander around a little with the flashlight. Although, on the other hand, that probably wasn’t such a good idea, she thought as her eyes grew heavy.

When she woke up again, it was with a small gasp before the brief feeling of disorientation passed. The sun shone brightly outside their tent. A rooster called in the distance and sleepy voices seemed to surround them. Lilly stared at the pale blue canvas of the tent wall across from her. Something heavy lay across her waist and when she looked down she saw that it was Negan’s arm. She weaved her fingers through his and sighed contently.

After a couple of moments, Lilly felt movement behind her and she tried to disentangle her hand. Negan seemed to have other plans, though. His fingers closed around hers and he hooked his arm tighter around her waist, pulling her to him until her back was flush with his chest. Heat rose in Lilly’s cheeks and goosebumps appeared all over her arms, when she felt Negan burying his nose in her hair. He inhaled and sighed.

None of them spoke. She didn’t know whether she should wish for it to stay that way, or if one of them should break the tension and the embrace before they did something one of them, or both, would regret later.

Apparently, Negan wasn’t plagued by the same doubts as Lilly. When she felt his nose and his mouth ghosting over the skin on her shoulder, her mind went blank and she lost herself in the sensation of his soft caresses.

His lips wandered over her shoulder and to her neck and she turned her head a little to give him better access. His hot and heavy breath fluttered over her skin and he stroked his hand up and down her arm. After a while, he slipped his hand under the tank top and gently grabbed her waist. Her breath hitched.

He squeezed a little and she put her own arm behind her head and into his hair and tugged to pull his face even closer. It was all the encouragement he needed to become bolder. His mouth latched onto the crook of her neck and her soft moan was followed by one of his own when she arched her back and her behind connected with his groin. The evidence of his arousal was now rubbing shamelessly against her. Both their breathing had become loud and erratic. Lilly could feel the wetness between her legs and her rapid heartbeat in her chest and his tongue and mouth and hand and it wasn’t enough. She covered his hand with her own and guided it further up until his fingers were splayed over her ribs, just underneath her breast. He rolled his hips, his hard dick grinding against her ass and Lilly wanted him so much in this moment, she felt like she was about to explode.

She started turning around to face him, when a voice called out outside their tent.

“Hello? Nathan? Elizabeth? Are you awake?”

It was Jesus. Negan let go of her and cursed loudly. Lilly scrambled out from under her blanket, took two steadying breaths and unzipped the tent. Jesus was crouching right in front of the tent’s entrance, smiling just as brightly as the sun that was shining over one side of the wall.

“Good morning! Did you have a good night?”

“We fucking had until you showed up,” Negan called out from behind Lilly.

“I’m sorry for my husband’s rudeness,” Lilly apologized to an amused Jesus, “He’s not a morning person. We both slept really well, thank you Jesus.”

“Good. Great. Uhm… I’m afraid I have bad news.”

Negan’s head popped up next to her so fast, Lilly wondered how a man his size could move with that much speed.

“Bad news? What do you fucking mean?” Negan demanded. Jesus looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“Apparently, word got to Gregory that we have two visitors, taking advantage of our doctor, asking for medication…”

“But, Dr. Carson gave those pills to me…,” Lilly protested.

“I know. It’s all just Chinese whispers. But once Gregory has his mind set on something, there’s no way to convince him otherwise. He wants you two gone immediately. I’m sorry guys.”

“Oh, so now your fearsome fucking leader suddenly does some fucking leading? And he doesn’t even have the fucking balls to come and try comparing dick sizes with me? Fucking asshole.” Negan was annoyed and Lilly couldn’t blame him. Apart from getting cock-blocked first thing in the morning, they now had to pack up all their shit and leave much earlier than they had anticipated.

“I really am sorry. This is my fault. I should have told him about you two from the start.”

“No, it’s alright,” Lilly reassured him, “I doubt that it would have made much of a difference. There was a reason you didn’t tell him, after all. You’ve been very kind to us Jesus. We’re grateful. We’re going to pack up and then meet you at the gate in a couple of minutes.”

They gathered their stuff -Lilly in silence and Negan grumbling about “weak-ass fucking leaders”- and then walked to the open gate of the Hilltop where they were met by Jesus and a disheveled looking Dr. Carson. They got their weapons back and shook hands with their hosts. Lilly thanked both men once again for their hospitality.

“Again, I’m sorry. It was nice having you guys here. Next time I’m at the Kingdom, I’ll make sure to come visit you two.”

“Please do. We had a great time here and I'd be happy to see you again. You, too, Dr. Carson,” Lilly smiled and she finally felt bad about deceiving these people. They had been exceptionally nice to her and Negan and if the circumstances were different, she really would have liked to meet them again.

Lilly and Negan walked down to their car and hopped in. They both waved to Jesus and Dr. Carson one last time while Negan turned the car around. Once they were behind the first bend that took them out of sight of the Hilltop, Negan stopped the car again. Lilly looked questioningly at him, but he was busy rummaging behind his seat, until he came back with Lucille. He looked lovingly at his bat, taking in every grain of wood and every spike on her barbed wire. He put his lips to her smooth handle very quick and then put her back on top of the blanket in the backseat.

Lilly chuckled and Negan grinned while he put the car back in drive and finally went back on the road to Sanctuary.

“Just making sure my lady is A-O-fucking-K. She fucking hates being separated from me that long.”

“Uh-huh. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to make me jealous.”

Negan smirked at her and put his hand on Lilly’s thigh. It was like a bolt of lightning had shot through her body. How could he send her into a spiral of lust so easily? She felt hot and needy and told herself to get a hold of herself.

“And why would I possibly feel the fucking need to make you jealous after what happened this morning?”

“You’re right. I think we’ve moved past that.”

“How about we move even further?”

“What, right now? Oh no. No no no no. I won’t have sex with you in a car.”

“Why the fuck not? You were going to have sex with me in a fucking tent half an hour ago.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. The point is, the car is small and you’re not. Hell, I’m not exactly petite either. And when we fuck for the first time, I don’t want a gearshift poking me in the ass.”

“You can’t possibly fucking imagine how goddamn ecstatic I am that this whole scenario went from ‘if’ to ‘when’.”

Lilly grinned up at him and put her hand over his. They drove in comfortable silence for a while, which gave her ample opportunity to think about what had happened in the past twenty-four hours.

The friendliness of the Hilltop people and Dr. Carson’s diagnosis that she would be fine had lifted her spirits to a whole different level. Had that been the reason that she had given herself to Negan without so much as a second thought? She knew without a doubt that she would have gone all the way with him if they hadn’t been interrupted. Had she just been riding the high from a successful day away from home?

Not entirely, of course. Over the past seven months at Sanctuary, she and Negan had developed a close friendship. She had liked him from the very beginning and she had missed him when they hadn’t talked. He had flirted with her incessantly and if she was being honest with herself, she had always felt flattered about it. And yes, of course he was tall and strong and fuck, he was good-looking. She had thought back a lot to their very first encounter and how they had ended up in bed together. The memories of his lips on her skin and his moans in her ear had given her many spectacular releases during those long and dark nights alone in her bedroom at Sanctuary.

Lilly turned her head to look out of the window and smiled while she thought about touching herself to the thought of her leader underneath her. She bet he would love to hear about her fantasizing about him. She could feel the heat and wetness between her thighs again, but she tried to ignore the more physical reactions to their little tryst in the tent. She needed to focus right now.

There was one thing worrying her, of course. His wives. She didn’t want to be just a tally mark on his bedpost. But she didn’t know if the alternative was even possible with Negan. She knew he liked her and she definitely liked him, more than liked him, even. But she couldn’t possibly ask him to give up his entire lifestyle, weird as it might be, and demand he pursue a relationship with her. On the other hand, she didn’t want to fuck him once or twice in secret, just to have him tell her that they had to stop, or worse, that he was bored with her.

She sighed. She had successfully managed to darken her thoughts by overthinking stuff once again.

“Something wrong, babe?”

“No, I’m okay.”

“You know, I am pretty fucking good at reading people. And even though you are a damn fucking hard nut to crack sometimes, right now I know you’re lying.”

“Okay, I suppose it was kinda obvious. I’m just thinking about everything that’s happened lately.”

“Hey, you’re healthy. Or will be soon enough. We’re talking again, we had a day off, got some awesome fucking food, and I got to rub my boner all over your ass. So why the long face?”

“I’m not sure the boner-rubbing was such a good idea…”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? I finally got in close fucking proximity to the inside of your fucking pants again and now you want to chicken out?”

“Is that it, Negan? You just want to get inside my pants?” Lilly didn’t know where her anger was coming from, but she was one wrong word from Negan away from ripping his head off.

“Right now? Fuck yeah! You want me to spew some bullshit about you and me riding into the fucking sunset together? You know me way better than that, Lil. You know I… I fucking like you, okay? You make me feel good. But right now, in this moment, all I want is to stick my penis into your vagina and not worry about what might happen afterwards.”

Lilly’s first reaction to his words was anger again, but she forced herself to calm down and read between the lines.

“I make you feel good?”

“Of fucking course you do. I told you, you’re the only person in the entire fucking Sanctuary that never asks for anything in return for their work. Or for being nice to me. Everyone else is always ‘Negan, I need some fucking Egyptian horse milk soap’, ‘Negan, I need my Vicodin’, ‘Negan, I want a bigger room, ‘Negan, I won’t suck your dick unless you find me a fucking diamond necklace’. What the fuck does anyone need a fucking diamond necklace for in the fucking apocalypse?”

“Cutting tool?”

“See?” He laughed, “That’s another thing. You’re funny. And apparently, for reasons I have yet to discover, you find me fucking funny. Do you know how long it’s been that I had a fucking conversation with someone that didn’t involve them rolling their eyes at me before you came along?”

“How long?”

“One year, five months, three days and about seven hours.”

Lilly went quiet and put her hand on his forearm as gently as possible so as not to startle him. Negan stopped the car in the middle of the road and hung his head. They were only about a mile away from Sanctuary. Lilly could see the imposing tower with the three chimneys on top at the end of the road.

“What was that conversation about? The last you had without them rolling their eyes?”

“I told her to keep fucking fighting and she told me not to make her suffer. To turn off the machines when it would become clear that there wasn’t anything the doctors could do for her. It wasn’t the last time I talked to her, but it was the last fucking time she could answer before they stuck a fucking tube down her throat.”

Negan was gripping the steering wheel as if his life depended on it. He was crying. And then it hit Lilly like a sack of bricks.

Cancer is a fucking bitch that can go fuck right off and fuck itself in the ass.

Just making sure my lady is A-O-fucking-K.

“Lucille…”

“You know what the really fucked-up part is? I couldn't fucking do it. I promised her she wouldn't suffer, but when the doctors told me, time and time again, that she wouldn't wake up again, I couldn't fucking do it. I let her suffer, because otherwise I would have suffered. And I keep thinking, maybe if I had done as I had fucking promised, maybe she wouldn't have turned. Maybe she could have just died peacefully, without coming back as this… this fucking thing. I was such a fucking coward. I couldn't even bring myself to put her down myself. I made some fucking kid do it for me.”

He was full on sobbing now and all Lilly could do was unbuckle her seat belt, wrap her arms around his bicep and lay her head on his shoulder. He cried into her hair and she whispered “I'm so sorry” over and over again.

After a while, Negan wiped a hand over his face and cleared his throat before he gently cupped her cheek, making Lilly look up at him.

“And now I've built all of this,” he said, much calmer this time, and nodded in the direction of the Sanctuary, “The Saviors, the wives, the other communities. My magnum fucking opus. Doing everything I can to make damn fucking sure I never give that much of a shit about anyone ever again,” he mused and then smiled down at her while stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, “And then you just prance into my fucking life and now riding into the fucking sunset seems like a real fucking nice option.”

Lilly smiled back him. Somehow his face had gotten so close to hers that she could have counted his eyelashes if she wanted to. He tilted his head a little to one side and she did the same to the other. He opened his lips and closed his eyes and so did she. She could feel his breath on her face, as shaky as hers. Their noses touched.

THUD!

They both jumped, nearly headbutting each other. Lilly looked around in panic until she saw the source of the noise. A walker was sprawled over the hood of the car, rotting hands reaching for them on the other side of the windshield. Two more came out from between the trees to their left, heading in their direction. Lilly and Negan both muttered some curses under their breath and Lilly scrambled for Lucille in the back and handed her to Negan before opening her door and stepping out of the car. She decided against taking her bow. It wouldn't have been of any use in this situation anyway, with the walkers being so close already.

Lilly took out her machete instead and went for the first walker while Negan was still busy unfolding his large frame from out of the car. The snarling monster had made its way around the front. Lilly opened her door all the way to use it as a barrier between her and the undead. She took a quick look around to make sure that there weren't any more of them waiting for their chance to have her and Negan for breakfast. Then she grabbed the door and pulled it almost all the way shut. The walker lost its balanced and Lilly sunk her machete into its decomposing skull.

It fell to the ground and she looked up to see how Negan was doing. He was holding Lucille over his head and then brought her down on the walker in front of him. The other one grabbed his arm as the first one fell and Lilly's heart stopped for a moment. But Negan kicked his attacker, it stumbled backwards and then its brain exploded with one mighty swing of Negan's bat.

Negan looked around for her, his expression fearful and she ran over to him.

“Are you okay? Still in one fucking piece?”

“Yeah. For a moment there I thought they got you.”

“Takes more than two of those fuckers to bring me down,” he grinned. Lilly really hoped his cocky attitude would not get him killed one day.

While they were trying to catch their breaths, Lilly suddenly heard the sound of motorcycles in the distance. She looked down the road that led to the Sanctuary and saw three people approaching on bikes.

“Here comes the fucking cavalry.”

It was Dwight, Jax and Connor.

“We saw your car coming down the road and then you stopped and those fuckers came out of the woods. Are you alright?” Dwight asked after kicking down his side stand and getting off his bike.

“Yeah, we’re good. Just had to take care of those things. Don’t want them to get too close to Sanctuary,” Lilly explained.

Jax walked up to her beaming and pulled her into a tight hug. Lilly looked over his shoulder to Negan, who seemed none too pleased about Jax’s public display of affection.

“Are you okay? What did the Hilltop doctor say?”

“I’m fine. It’s a kidney infection. Couple of days on antibiotics and I’ll be good as new.”

“Ugh, thank God. I mean, a kidney infection sucks and all, but, you know…” Jax’s eyes suddenly grew wide and he stared at her neck and whispered, ”Is that a hickey?”

“Can we pack the fuck up and move this riveting fucking conversation to the other side of the fence? I don’t want another one of those things to try and take a fucking bite out of me,” Negan snapped at them. He was right, though. It was a bad idea to stay out in the open like that.

Lilly and Negan got back into the car and drove the rest of the way home with Dwight, Jax and Connor right behind them. Negan was unusually quiet and Lilly wondered what was bothering him, but when he finally parked the car in the Sanctuary’s yard, he quickly squeezed her hand before opening his door and climbing out. She smiled to herself. They would have plenty of time to talk about what had happened between them, once they had made sure that everything at Sanctuary was in order.

After taking their backpacks and weapons from the backseat, they made their way to the front door, with their welcoming squad around them asking them questions about their trip.

They walked over the metal runway and down to the Sanctuary’s cafeteria, laughing after Negan had told them in his own unique way about the Hilltop’s leader and his incompetence. Negan and Lilly grinned at each other and the butterflies in Lilly’s stomach had just started to lift off, when there was a loud squeal, followed by several excited female voices. Suddenly, Negan was half hidden behind an assortment of naked body parts and mops of hair.

“Welcome back big boy!”

“What took you so long?”

“What did you get us, Negan?”

Enter the wives. Lilly’s heart sank and her face fell. The sudden realization of who she got involved with almost made her throw up. This was the life he had chosen. His magnum opus. She had been stupid to forget about all this because of a day off on some little adventure and him waxing poetic about sunsets. Five women. Five women he shared his life with. Five women that were giving him everything he needed. How could she possibly compete against that?

Her eyes found Negan’s and, to his credit, he looked stricken. She smiled sadly at him, but before he could say something, she turned around to Jax, told him she was tired and then disappeared into the Tower and to her room as fast as she could.

When the expected pounding on her door began a couple of minutes later, she pulled her pillow over her ears and continued crying into the sheets.

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