#okay im too tired to articulate any further

[angrylizardjacket]

any time {Brian May}

@brianandthemays​ asked: Hello! I’m having a rough week and I absolutely love your imagines! So I was wondering if I could get a fluffy piece with Brian where the reader is sad/disappointed and he comforts her. Thank you!!

A/N: 1343 words. This is for me, @hysterical-qween, @brianandthemays​ who requested it, and everyone else who wants Brian to hug and tell them it’s. I hope it’s okay, I literally fell asleep twice at my computer because I started writing it at midnight. Anyways it’s 4am, good night, I hope tomorrow is better.

It’s Saturday, or it was Saturday like half an hour ago, but you’ve been staring at the TV playing some b-grade raunchy action movie too explicit for the hours regular people keep, and your hands are shaking. You’ve been home for what feels like ten minutes, but is closer to two and a half hours, and there’s a weight in your chest that won’t go away, an overwhelming- sadness? Disillusionment? Anxiety? Distress? You can’t quite put your finger on it.

“Hello?” When Brian answers the phone, he sounds groggy and annoyed.

“Hey, sorry it’s so late.” There’s a slight shake in your voice and his tone shifts immediately. 

“Darling, is that you? It’s almost one, what’s wrong?” He’s so gentle, so concerned, and there’s a hollow feeling in your chest that the sound of his voice goes a ways to healing.

“I-” Your words catch in your throat, and maybe it’s that you can hear him but he’s not there with you; you feel touch starved, needy and unashamed to want him with you. “I’m so sorry,” you start, and you can feel tears already stinging your eyes as you speak, “can I ask you a huge favour?”

“Anything, anything.” He assured, you ,and you sniffled loudly. “You know what, I’m coming over.” He preempts your request, taking the words right out of your mouth, and the tears begin to fall.

“Thank you.” You manage, and you can’t move, muscles wound tight with anxiety and sadness, holding the phone to your ear.

“I love you; I’ll be there soon.” 

In between breaths you feel like you’re drowning in your own emotions, as though sadness has you in a choke hold. Overwhelmed, you’re lost in the white noise of the television for what feels like an eon, time rushing past, a blur where it had felt like mere heartbeats only minutes before. There’s a knock at your door, and you finally uncurl yourself from your sofa, joints sore where you’ve been in the same position for hours, unmoving, barely feeling. 

Opening the door, you see him there with his sweater on backwards and concern in his eyes. He moves forward, wrapping you up in his arms as your silent sobs become more audible. There, in the doorway, at one in the morning, you’re crying in his arms. That hollow feeling in your chest, the way you’d been aching to just hold him, you can feel it slowly disappearing, and you hold him tighter.

Apologies tumble from you as he guides you back into the apartment, closing the door behind himself, one arm still carefully holding you. You’re sorry it’s so late, that he came over, that you’re just being silly, that-

“Don’t apologise.” He admonishes, sincere. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he moves the two of you into your bedroom, his voice gentle as he assures you; it’s never too late, he’ll always be there, you’re not being silly. He sits you down against the headboard, and you wriggle beneath the covers as he climbs in beside you. 

“If it’s got you this upset, it’s not silly.” When he pulls you close to him, wraps his arm around you and lets you rest your head on his chest, you feel for the first time since you’ve gotten home, that perhaps the whole world wasn’t against you. “Darling, anything that upsets you is never silly.” 

His tone doesn’t leave room for argument, and you know he means it with his whole heart. There’s something unequivocally reassuring about that. Already you can feel your stuttering, distressed heartbeat calming down as you clutch at his sweater.

“I’m sorry-” you start, and he quietly tells you to stop apologising, “I’m just- I don’t know what came over me, I just had a shit time at work and I just-” Pressing your lips together, you can’t even continue, words stuck behind a lump in your throat. Brian doesn’t press you, just rubs his hand up and down your arm in a comforting rhythm, occasionally pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“I’m just stuck in this dead-end job,” you finally spit, working through your sadness to the anger you held towards the situation, “and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life; I feel like I’m never going to achieve anything or do anything meaningful and- Brian I’m so scared, and I feel so useless.” You admitted, pressing your forehead to his chest, trying to take some deep breaths as he rubbed circles into your back.

As soon the words are out, and Brian’s still holding you close, you feel the anxiety disappearing, slow of course, but there’s a gentle peace that begins to fill you now you’ve articulated the thought that had been haunting you. It’s so cathartic, being able to finally admit that, but as soon as you do, you’re filled with an uncertainty, an irrepressible urge to apologise for dumping that all on him. You’re not expecting a response, it’s a lot to hear in one go.

“You’re not useless, darling, even just for the fact that you’ve made so many people smile.” Voice soft, he punctuates it with a kiss to the top of your forehead, and you know if he continues like this then you’re going to cry again, but for a very different reason. “There’s no rush to figure out the over-arching plan for your life, sweetheart, and-” he paused, and when you looked up, eyes red rimmed but heart already growing warm, he’s giving you a curious look; “would you like me to tell you how little anything matters to the universe, or how much you matter to me?” 

“I don’t care, I just need you to tell me it’s going to be okay.” Voice a whisper, you think you can see the moment your words melt his heart. 

“Everything you do is meaningful; every time you speak, everything you do, it all goes to making the world a little bit of a better place,” he continues, even as you try to protest, “I’ve seen you at your worst, dear, believe me, I’d rather spend the rest of my life with them than anyone else at their best. One day the world will see how incredible you are, or even if you see how incredible I think you are.”

“You’re gonna make me cry.” You pouted, but he reached down to pull the duvet further up the both of you, and you snuggled in tighter.

“Sorry, I was trying to stop that.” He half laughed, and you hummed thoughtfully, shifting to a more sitting position so you can rest your cheek on his shoulder.

“Good cry.” You assured him, and he nodded with a laugh of understanding, before you looked up, the movement prompting him to turn, and the two of you shared a sweet kiss. Pulling back, he wiped the tear tracks from your cheeks, smiling so fondly at you that you could feel your heart growing warm, earlier sadness still inching away, leaving much faster when you see him smiling at you like that.

“Thank you, I really needed to hear that.” You tell him, voice gentle. “I really needed you here.” He presses a kiss to your cheek, and you settle back in against him.

“I’ll always be here.” He assures. He starts to quietly recount how captivated he was, seeing you in the audience that first time the two of you had met. It’s one of your favourite stories, and you would never get over the way your breath would catch when he says ‘I’d wanted to see the stars for as long as I could remember, imagine my surprise having you right there in front of me’. As he speaks, you can feel yourself grow tired, with him still gently rubbing your back, his firm heartbeat steady with your head against his chest.

You fall asleep to the sound of him humming a melody you don’t recognise. Years later, you will come to recognise it as the song he writes for you.

#brian may #brian may imagine #brian may x reader #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #borhap imagine #bohemian rhapsody imagine #queen #queen imagines #the angry lizard writes

[icryyoumercy]

purplemuskrat replied to your post “*sigh* i keep poking at this stupid email, and i’m feeling...”

if you're talking about the letter to the rabbi you mentioned before - i'm not really a Proper Jew but i'm happy to be your sounding board, for looking over drafts or general freakouts, whatever!

nimblermortal

replied to your post

“*sigh* i keep poking at this stupid email, and i’m feeling...”

Would it help to explain it to me?

O-kay. Uh. I’ll put this under a cut, since it’s gonna be long and awkward. Also, the first part of the answer is in German, because I am too tired to translate, but google translate tends to be pretty okay in making German English.

So, the questions the rabbi asked were, in order, why did I want to convert at his synagogue, what had I done so far to learn about Judaism, and why did I want to convert.

My answers are as follows: (please let me know if there’s anything weird, incomprehensible, or offensive in here. i’m trying my best, but i’m just plain /bad/ at this)

Ich habe mich für Ihre Gemeinde entschieden, da ich ansonsten in der deutschsprachigen Schweiz keine liberalen jüdische Gemeinden gefunden habe.

Ich habe versucht mich über den Konvertierungsprozess zu informieren, und über das Judentum als solches, muss aber gestehen, dass ich die Menge an teilweise widersprüchlichen Informationen, die ich fand zu überwältigend fand, um meine Suche entsprechend anzupassen oder einzuschränken. So weiss ich vorallem, was ich von jüdischen Familienmitgliedern erklärt bekommen habe, und was ich in der Schule im Fach Ethik und Religionen gelernt habe. Ich lese jedoch seit einigen Monaten regelmässig Blogeinträge von verschiedenen jüdischen Bloggern, welche breitflächig verschiedenste Aspekte ihres Alltagslebens als Juden und ihres religiösen Lebens abdecken. Auch habe ich eine englische Übersetzung des Tanakh, publiziert von der Jewish Publication Society of America in Audioversion gefunden, und diese mit wenigen Ausnahmen sorgfältig angehört. (Ich muss gestehen, einiges an Prophezeihungen und Visionen übersprungen zu haben, da ich schlicht nicht verstand, was diese erzählen oder aussagen.)

Konvertieren möchte ich aus verschiedenen Gründen. Einerseits sagt mir was ich vom jüdischen Gottesbild soweit verstehe weit mehr zu, als das katholische Gottesbild, mit dem ich aufgewachsen bin. So wie ich es von jüdischen Freunden erklärt bekommen habe, sei es normal, Gott auch direkt anzuzweifeln oder herauszufordern, oder auch direkt zu widersprechen.

further reasons, in no particular order, and badly articulated:

i love how much, well, arguing there is? no, that sounds wrong, but. like. things are questioned and debated and everything, stuff like in the talmud, where there’s debate on whether or not moses knows when midnight is, and if not why, and if yes, why did he say ‘at about midnight’ that one time, and i just love the fact that the sort of questions i’d always ask about the bible stories i’d be told as a kid, those questions are apparently valued and taken seriously, and i used to get told off for asking that, and... i just love that that sort of curiosity/inquisitiveness is valued instead of punished

a lot of the jewish people i follow are incredibly invested in social justice, and activism, and striving towards a better, fairer world, and it’s just... i wanna be part of that? like, i want a better world, but i also want to feel like part of a group who’s doing this stuff, instead of feeling like i’m all alone, shouting at a world that doesn’t care or listen

just generally, i kinda prefer my religion to come with community, even tho i utterly suck at actually interacting with people. like. that’s probably one of the things that led to me leaving the catholic church? that there’s no community, and no one seems to care about anyone else, and i don’t know anyone there, and there doesn’t even seem to be any sort of ... desire on part of either the churchgoers or the priests to change that. they just sort of... preach to a bunch of strangers once a week, and that’s religion over and done with, we’re going home now, and i hate that? sure, i suck at attending things regularly outside of work, because work can be taxing as all hell, but on the other hand, i actually love doing it, because ... dunno, i just ... like being part of a community.

i dunno? i just... feels right? like, i know that’s a bloody stupid reason, but... i don’t often get any sort of feeling on things, but so far, it’s never been wrong, so... probably a shite reason to tell a rabbi, but still an important one to me?

#purplemuskrat #nimblermortal #that he used him as the sinners of sodoma