#on a separate note i hate the delulu thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunmoonjune · 11 months

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keyboard warrior returns bc im currently rereading ltm for some healing and overall good vibes and over the days my notes just grew into this mammoth essay so what can we do 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

my shower thought when bug signs soojin is 'dead' is under what context did bug create that sign? ? like why did she need a sign for that 😔 and just in general how does she come up with signs that aren't used often like 'home' bc what i like to imagine is little yun, bug and soojin hidden away in some safe place when they have free time and just holding each others' hands so they can have little language lessons and make up signs and practice them until they remember them pls im going to combust into a billion little hearts

ch 5-6 are some of my fave chapters bc it's such a pivotal point in her relationship w some of hte members in ateez where they see for themselves the amount of trauma that bug has been through but then we also know in reality it's just the tip of the iceberg :((

bug diving to save hwa from the arrow and then hwa doing the same by covering her body with his. YES. SHOW BUG SHE'S WORTH PROTECTING. as much as i hate bug and ateez putting their bodies and lives on the line for each other daMn nothing beats this sort of angsty protectiveness. more pls 🤩🤩

literally got goosebumps when san just so naturally signed promise without realising before letting go of yun's hand. like the fact that it was just instinct for him is so so so cute

i think one of my favourite moments is when bug breaks out of her episode and signs to yun that she's tired, and he reassures her “Sleep, Tiny. I’ve got you now.” not just bc of my brainrot going 💓💓 @ yun calling me bug tiny but the amount of trust she puts into yun to take care of her whilst shes both emotionally and physically at her most vulnerable. and then we get yun carrying bug back to camp like a little baby i SWEAR SIZE DIFFERENCES MOONIE YOU'RE GONNA GIMME WHIPLASH SO BAD ONE DAY I'LL NEVER RECOVER

i love the amount of growth you can see already during bug's first episode with ateez and how GOOD they are for her bc 1) yun was able to break bug out of her episode w/o her needing to experience pain first 2) she's normally non-verbal for days after but she asked joong that very same day if she did good (OFC BUG YOU WERE THE BEST 🫶) 3) literally fell asleep to san's hushed comforts

pls when san was explaining the reason why he calls bug bug and she has the most adorable confused face that san wants to capture - i'm just imagining if ateez had access to a polaroid or some sort of camera with prints bc they would take such the CUTEST photos of each other and i can see them taking so so so many photos of bug (ofc only when she's comfortable with it bc ik she'd initially be so shy and insecure) and there would also be all these candid photos of bug looking at the other members with stars eyes and photos of the members looking at bug with heart eyes. and the reason i say polaroid or prints is bc bug will be all ?? what is this sorcery 🧐?? at first but then she'll come to have this one photo of ot9 that gets all creased and faded bc of how closely she keeps it with her all the time bc it's the most precious thing she owns and she'll literally throw hands before she lets anyone take it away from her 🥺 im so delulu rn im in love with bug

also on the note of bug's name, when san creates a symbol for her i just realised he uses a circle as part of it which i now know is 'home' and if that ain't the cutest thing 😭 idk if that was deliberate on your part but san unknowingly referring to bug as home has got me gOOD

let me send you the rest of my brainrot in a separate ask after i read through the remaining chapters bc wow this got long real fast and i was already trying to keep it short oop hope you're doing well moonie <33

AHHHHH DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING!! I'M IN LOVE WITH ALL YOUR ASKS OMG KISS KISS YOU'RE SO SWEET <333

no but the way I saw this long ask and your second one in my inbox and literally had to stop what I was doing and take a few minutes to read because I was SO happy omg :}} these kind of asks make my entire WEEK I swear

please continue to send your mammoth essays I reread them ALL the time cause I love them so much <33

bug already having a sign for the word 'dead' implies something that will be hinted on in the next chapter so I'm glad you've brought it up ;) also yes I think she does come up with signs for things she doesn't use very often because there might have been a time she thought there was a chance she would use them :'(

and YES that is almost exactly how I imagined them making their little language,, sometimes soojin wasn't there (you'll partially see why in the next chapter ;) ) but they kind of had to seclude themselves away from prying eyes in the darkness of night when no one would look for them,, then they kind of just held hands and came up with their little symbols and repeated them until they stuck :") it took over a year or two before they had the widespread vocabulary they have now but they got there <3

chapter five and six were definitely the climb to the tip of the iceberg for sure,, ateez got to see some of her deepest traumas -- but I don't even think we've hit the tip of the iceberg yet ;) bug's past has only been hinted at so far and soon we will see the depth of it

the protectiveness ALWAYS hits for me xD I love it when characters act purely on instinct and that instinct says to PROTECT,, it makes me weak in the knees <3

also san picking up bug's language so naturally and instinctually signing it to his partners is the CUTEST thing <3

yun bringing bug out of the dark even though it's been like a decade since they were together was a HUGE moment for them :"D he was so unsure he'd still have that effect on her but she recognized him instantly <33 also I love the size difference too <3 makes me AASDIOHAF#%#!

I think honestly part of the reason bug opened up so well after her attack was BECAUSE there was no pain to bring her out of it,, she recognized that ateez had no intentions to harm her and it helped her recover just that much more :')

OH MY GOD THE BIT ABOUT THE CAMERA -- I'M IN LITERAL TEARS :"D

they so would take so many pictures of bug if she were comfortable with it and bug ABSOLUTELY would take on of the photos of all of them and carefully keep it folded in one of her pockets or buried in one of her scabbards so it was always with her,, it would get so folded and aged and one day ateez would find it and MELT with joy that she kept it so close to her for so long,, and they would definitely manage to recreate the picture or something so she could have another copy that wasn't so worn down :")

AND she so would NEVER let anyone take that picture from her omg,, feral bug would come out fr xD

hehe bug's name absolutely was deliberate to have the word 'home' in it,, just like joong's <3 san might not have known that yet but it still makes me happy that it's part of her name even if he hadn't known <3

I hope you're doing well too my love <33 thank you so so much for such a beautiful ask omg I love you so much <3

#moonie speaks #like the moon #moonie's favs <3 #moonie's mutuals <3 #like the moon spoilers #like the moon hints hehehehe

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glassesandkim · 3 years

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I would like to say my piece here about schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom and it’s really for my own self-indulgence and benefit. I’m not asking for you to agree with me or even begin to understand what I’m going on about. I don’t even think half the things that I think about for this fandom exists on an important level. I fully believe in just ~vibin’~ to your own tune when it comes to participating in fandom spaces.

so this post is gonna be my way of getting stuff off my chest so i can continue to ~vibe~

First thing I’d like to address is: I know. I know the Nico Kim that I love and adore is not the Nico Kim in canon. He is who I hope he is in canon. But there’s not much to combat or support that he is or isn’t. He really could be who we’ve made up in fanon for him and at the same time, he really couldn’t. Grey’s created this character that is as blank as a dried piece of toast. So forgive me if I spread a bit of spicy jam here and there so I can swallow this bland shit down a little easier.

So when people come to me to say, “Y’all are delulu and out of your mind to love this guy this much.” PLEASE, I know. This isn’t news, honey. I am well aware.

But I will continue to justify, romanticize, and put this boy on a pedestal for as long as his existence in canon continues to remain arbitrary and vague. And it makes me very biased to a fault but I have put too much time and energy into this character NOT to be.

And then you might ask, why have I put so much of my time and life (THREE YEARS!!!! I’VE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!) into this character that has all but said maybe like a PAGE of dialogue at most?

Because I was conned into it. Because they marketed the shit out of him when Alex Landi got the part. And I, as a casual viewer of Grey’s since I was in high school (I’m in my late 20s now, dawg) and of Asian descent was promised representation. Not just Asian rep, but queer rep.

So naturally, I got extremely attached. It's not everyday a major Western mainstream prime time medical drama chooses to create a character as unique as Nico's.

I spent so much time here. I was here when fandom decided Nico would call Levi “babe”. I was here when we all clowned that Nico didn’t know Levi’s first name. I was here when Josh died and the fandom went up in arms with pitchforks and stakes against Nico. I was here for all of it. I've seen it all.

And unfortunately, seeing it all, makes me tired. Grey’s is time and time again proving to me that they don’t give a shit about the development and well-being of their existing characters at all. The show only cares about collecting diversity points and performing their wokeness to the general masses. (I talk a lot about how grey's is plot-driven vs. character-driven.)

I will still get frustrated and annoyed at Nico’s lack of character development. But I mostly just laugh at the fandom nowadays. I know you guys want to fight the fight, tell everyone Nico is not toxic!!!!!! But bros, friends, lovers, it’s a tried and tired fight.

Grey’s wants us to think Nico is a Bad Boyfriend. It’s as clear as the stench one comes across when they step on dog shit. That’s why I think it’s useless to fight people about Nico. Grey’s gets amnesia all the time. Grey’s forgot the whole season and half they invested in creating a loving boyfriend for Levi and up and changed Nico’s personality to fit a new narrative (that they, quite frankly, failed to even follow through because of covid and other filming hoopla hula hoops they’ve had to jump through that I’ve been informed of and which I simply don’t care for).

So all this ~schmico is endgame!!! we deserve it!!!~ Binches, I have better things to fight for than schmico endgame. What’s the alternative? Levi lives in Jo’s closet forever? They’re going to be together in the end no matter what. Nobody on that show cares enough about Nico OR Levi to set up new relationships and stories for them. So don’t fret, my friends. They’ll be together in the end. It just comes down to the question of what stupid story they’re going to come up with for them to be together. (And might I argue that they already are together???)

Speaking of the bogus story they’re going to write for schmico: you bet my rice eating, Chinese-speaking ass, that it’s not going to be a story written from a queer and poc perspective. It’s going to be some gag-worthy straight het story but made gay. (How many times do I have to hear, "I hope Nico comes out to his parents!!" NO, HE DOESN'T! Do you know how VIOLENT coming out is sometimes?? It's not a solution to Nico's problems with Levi. It's an introduction and invitation to problems over being queer -- but why would I expect anyone, let alone Grey's, to understand that prepetuating these types of stories is inherently damaging to queer people? They wouldn't know. The cishet fandom wouldn't know. Because no one is writing grey's in a queer, poc centric way.)

Which drives me to the next point: you know why Nico doesn’t get character development even though he showed up at the same time as Link? Because of ✨racism ✨. Because Link is a more conventional character (read: white) that is easier to write because nobody on this show knows how to write an Asian character anymore, let alone a gay Asian character. So of course, nobody wants to touch that shit even with a pogo stick. (Argue with me that Cristina exists and I will tell you, yes she did, but they RARELY touched upon her cultural and ethnic background. Also it was the early 2000s. Cristina was as ground breaking as it got for us Asians back then.)

And then because Nico isn’t developed enough, we have the weird phenomenon of people shipping everyone and their dog with Levi and it’s like, y’all know you got played by the racism game, right? You are hostages to this system that has taught you that white men are more desirable and deserving of story and humanity than a poc character who is instead, reduced to nothing but sex appeal and if he’s not doing well on that front, then he’s useless.

How many times does Levi say: Nico is so hot! Sex with Nico is so good! He’s a roman statue!

All!! the!! time!! Nico's worth to Levi’s character is to be the sex object that Sets Him Free.

Which plays into the sexualization of Asian people which all comes from, you guessed it! Racism! (Levi really compared Nico to a fucking lifeless slab of stone.)

(Side note: I do think talking about how racism plays into Nico’s character and the fandom space is important and probably a separate post. I’m happy to write my opinion piece on it if it’s something people want.)

But anyway, those are just some of my qualms with schmico, grey’s anatomy, and the fandom. I do not expect anyone to fully agree with me and I’m not asking the fandom to change or apologize or whatever. I’m just already grateful if you took the time to even read this post.

I’ll leave with some parting advice: fandom is what you make of it. We won’t all agree with everyone’s hot takes, but that’s the beauty of it, yeah? So I chose to create this version of Nico Kim that brings me IMMENSE joy. Like, A LOT!!! I love this fandom for these reasons. I’m grateful everyday for the friends I’ve made and the works and creations I’ve created and I’m honoured to be able to consume other works made by fellow fans.

I might hate a lot of things about grey’s and schmico, but I really owe a lot of myself to this fandom.

#know that i'm always angry but i know how to have fun lol #schmico::::

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savedbybangtan · 4 years

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Masterlist

Here’s the work I’ve done on this blog! Hopefully this will help me and you keep track of what’s going on on this blog.

Right now, I’m sO busy, but hopefully in the future I will sort out the aesthetics of this blog. I write as a form of stress relief (writing helps me to sleep for some reason... I think I have anxiety?Like how the members let Joonie peel potatoes on Bon Voyage to calm him...writing and posting has the same effect for me), so I’ll be writing and posting :), but for now I am not putting very much effort in the entire reading experience - I apologise for this.

Please, look forward to me spicing up this blog when the semester is over! I have some big plans.

To me, fluff is a soft plot. There will be nothing explicit or made for mature audiences; no sex scenes, no intense language, no drama. Typically, this can be compared to PG13 movie ratings.

Smut is not written for anyone under the age of 18. If you are 17 and younger please do not read the stories that I’ve tagged as such.

Not Delulu (Kim Namjoon)

Summary: You always hated women who dated kpop idols and are so glad that your ultimate bias, Kim Namjoon, has never disappointed you by being involved in such a scandal. You swear you’re not a delusional fan who doesn’t want him to be happy. You truly just want what’s best for him.

Apparently, He just wants whats best for you, too <3.

Chapter warning tags: mild invasion of privacy?

1,498 words

Puppy Love (Jeon Jungkook)

Summary: At this point, you’re not even trying to remedy the issue.

smut, dubcon, stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), pwp, one shot, unhealthy relationship

1,498 words

Let Me Love You (Park Jimin)

Summary: She lucked out one too many times. Luckily, Jimin was there to ‘save’ her.

Warning tags: smut, dubcon, stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), slight yandere?

2,916 words

Smell the Roses (Kim Jin)

Summary: A woman living alone in the city makes a new friend, Jin.

Smut

Warnings: smut, dubcon, mild stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall)

5,503 words

Intermittent Fasting (Jung Hope)

Summary: She changes her entire being to be perfect for Hoseok. Don’t you think she has a right to him?

Smut

Warnings: fluff?, smut, drinking, drug use

2172 words

A Phantom Came at Night (Kim V)

Summary: You never thought Taehyung would take things this far.

(This is heavily based on Singularity.)

Genre: Thriller

2,200 words

Document (Min Suga)

Smut

You and your fwb, Suga, have sex.

999 words.

Miss Connection (Kim Namjoon)

Fluff

Namjoon takes a break from work and encounters a strange, shy girl.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Coming Soon!!!

I don’t want to spoil what I’m writing about so I wont include any summaries for these. Instead, I will use a “purity” scale that I think would be more useful. For this scale, a 1 would signify that it is normal and free of disturbing or deep themes while a 10 would mean its highly disturbing. The rating will be in parentheses next to the title.

*The reason why Tae and Jiminie has so little drafts is because my stanning goes in cycles, and when I had cycled through them, I was not writing fanfics yet lol. I honestly didnt think I would reach the part of stanning where I wrote fanfics tbh but here I am ahaaa.

**This list does not include ideas on stickynotes or my unholy OT7 fics. I have three separate degenerate fics that include OT7 x Reader. There are like 10 sticky notes I have for ideas for fics that I will most likely use for vmin.

JHS

Its Just a Phase/Gothic (2)

Smut, Angsty af

A Reason/Mafia AU (7)

Smut (ofc), unhealthy character, mental illness innit

Magic Shop/Magic (4)

Smut, violence, kinda depressing

Intermittent Fasting (6)

New Chapters As I wrote in the first part’s summary, its going to get darker.

Zion (1)

One shot, Pure smut, pwp, cute imo

PJM

Psychological (7.5)

Yandere, Smut, disturbing

This one is up next! Update: Posted under new title!

JJK

Gym (6)

No smut, no fluff, no angst. more thriller like

Missed You (2)

Smut, might add angst

Retrospect (5)

PTSD, domestic abuse, physical abuse, violence

Siren (10)

noncon, unhealthy relationship, mc cant get a break

Summer (9)

Smut, Angst, idk if the rating is high because a main theme is personal to me and i think its the worse thing a man can do.

Tutor (1)

fluff, <3

KNJ

Miss Connection (2)

New Chapters!!!

I really want to finish it even though its a series.

Language Barriers/”Hyung” (1)

Fluff, Smut

Most pure thing I’m writing tbh

Guinea (1)

Drabble, domestic, smut because why not

Respectful (3 for cringe themes)

Smut drabble

Not Delulu (7)

smut, unhealthy themes

This one is up next :) Posted the first chapter! Now I’m working on the second. I’m having a lot of fun writing this one rn.

KSJ

Smell the Roses (3)

New Chapters!!!

This one is up next!!!! - (2Jan2021)

Cyber Sex (2)

Smut, not illegal but weird so it has a 2 rather than a 1, unhealthy themes but not so so bad

This Is Not an Exit (5)

idek. angst for sure

Together/Regret (2)

Angst, unhealthy themes

Love Aesthetic (1)

The name is the explanation

KTH

Separate (2)

Smut, angst

MYG

Dae (4)

Little smut, scifi?

Debut (2)

Angst, Smut

Graduate (2)

Smut

#bts fic #bts fanfic #Its a boring layout but I will one day spruce it up

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