#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa}

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

They are two different beings made to coexist as one. They are two different ends of a spectrum, arguably; human and 'monster'.

They are simultaneously sisters and complete strangers.

They are two and they are one, and they are halves of a whole and two complete people, and neither would be alive without the other. Perhaps that in and of itself is the cruelty of their particular circumstances; they cannot do anything without the other, and there can never truly be silence in the little space that lies between them.

They coexist well enough, for two beings so different.

Lyssa is sunshine personified, a ray of joy and light that radiated hope and adoration to those she held dear, and Anger is.....well, she is Anger. Ire and spite, fury that hardly knew any bounds, all condensed into one small little form, ready to burst at the seams at any slight; whether it be perceived or genuine.

Such a wonder it is, that these two ended up stuck together.

It is not such a wonder that they have their ornery moments.

It starts with them being worried about their family's disappearance.

Lyssa would argue that worried is not even half of it, and all Anger wants to do is argue lately, it seems. Argue about what they should do, about whether to stay inside and await everyone's return or go out and actively search.

Anger wants to stay put, to wait for them to come back because of course they're going to come back. They can't not come back.

Lyssa does not share the sentiment. She does not hope and she does not wish, she's run out of patience for both of those things, and she is tired of waiting. The last time she was a sitting duck hadn't ended very well and she does not want a repeat of history.

They can both feel the tension in the air, feel the dread pooling in the recesses of their shared existence.

Neither of them like it, of course; who would?

It all comes to a head a week after Ed, Al, and Mr. Mustang disappeared.

It had been calm, for the most part. They didn't know what was going on outside; they hadn't even set foot outside of the house since the day everything turned upside down.

Lyssa had been looking at the food that was left in the cupboards. There was still plenty enough for them to eat, as long as they were careful, but food for the pets was running low. She was making plans, mumbling to herself about trying to get more food for the animals, when Anger spoke up in the back of her mind.

" We aren't gonna go outside, right? "

They've had this conversation a million times, in a million different ways.

And it seems they have to have it again.

" We have to, Anger. Yuki needs food, and we have to look for everyone. "

" I don't want to. "

The response is so fast that Lyssa startles and almost knocks a can over, but her response comes easily despite it, accompanied by a sigh.

" I don't care, we have to and you know it. We can't stay here forever, Anger. "

" Don't just say that. "

The words have a bite to them that Lyssa is, at this point, familiar with. It's difficult not to, with her little head roommate being the very incarnation of someone's Anger. As a fortunate side effect, she's grown accustomed to dealing with said head roommate when she gets a little too snappy.

But Lyssa is tired of it.

" I get that you're mad— "

" 'm not fuckin' mad— "

" You're Anger, your default is mad— "

" Y'know what, go fuck yourself! I don' give a shit, 'm not leavin' this fuckin' house 'til they come back! "

" And if they don't? "

There is a sudden quiet in their shared space and Lyssa knows she's made a mistake, misstepped in the worst way possible, but she's come this far and has to stick to her guns. This isn't part of the latest script, but it needs to be acknowledged.

It is a horrifying possibility, but a possibility nonetheless.

" …They will. They always do. "

A possibility that Anger refuses to accept.

And Lyssa is tired of it.

" Anger, they're alchemists— "

" The fuck're you tryin'a get at here— "

" If you shut up an' let me finish maybe I could get to it! "

Silence fills the air with a kind of dread Lyssa knows well. The other shoe hangs in the air, a hair's breadth away from collapsing to the ground, but she waits in the silence for a few moments longer. She doesn't want another interruption, even if she knows it's inevitable.

" They're alchemists, Anger, they're not invincible. They're human, an' you.....you know how breakable they are. "

" I swear, if you're— "

Being reasonable? Being logical? She isn't listening to Anger anymore as she prattles on about something and all Lyssa knows is that there is a ringing in her ears and her nails are digging into the palm of her hand so hard it hurts.

All she knows is that she is angry. And she needs to calm down because the rage that bubbles within hasn't gotten her anywhere before.

Even if her anger is how she survived, she doesn't like to think about it.

She doesn't want to go back to the rage, not today, but Anger is making it oh so very hard, and Lyssa can feel the dam cracking. It could break any moment and all it needs is one wrong step before—

" Aren't you listenin' to me? "

The dam shatters and she is yelling.

" Well it ain't like I got much've a damn choice is there?! You're always in my fuckin' head and you never shut up! Nothin' ever shuts up, either ev'ryone is screamin' or you're goin' on some damn rant about God knows what! I don't care, Anger, we're leavin' and that's that! You can't stop me! "

One beat, two. She pants, out of breath and Lyssa thinks for one, feeble moment, that she's won.

The sense of victory is ripped away from her reach as her right arm is suddenly moving without her input. It reaches up and grabs a strand of her hair and tugs violently, hard enough to jerk her head to one side. She cries out and grips her rogue limb with the one she can still control, holding it in place.

She's barely aware of Yuki barking, and a hollow feeling floods her at the words that come from Anger, eerily quiet and worst of all, calm.

" I can an' I will. "

Dread worms its way into her, and the terror helps adrenaline flow faster even if Lyssa can't use it. She doesn't want to go back. She doesn't want to be stuck in the dark again, she doesn't want to have her own body ripped away from her grasp.

" Anger, please— "

" No! You think 'm gonna let you waltz outta here an' get us killed?! Nice try, but that ain't happening! You might have a death wish, but I don't! "

And then there's silence. It fills the space between them and fills Lyssa's thoughts with fear. It's hard to breathe. Why is it hard to breathe? It feels like her lungs are seizing in her chest, like—

She tries to draw in a breath. It feels like her lungs rattle with the effort it takes, yet there's still no reprieve, and she can feel herself sinking, hear the screams growing louder as her vision blurs and fades. She doesn't want to go back. She doesn't want to be drowned out again. She—

She's scared.

She tries to grip the counter, and she tries to stay, but it's no use as her vision swims and spirals. She can still hear Yuki barking, closer now, as her legs fold beneath her and Lyssa gasps. Tears burn her eyes.

" Please, " she tries again, and nearly chokes on the word.

Silence is her only reply, and just like that, she's forced back down into the darkness and the screaming.

Three days pass before Lyssa is able to wrangle control again.

She doesn't bring up the idea of leaving again.

#you would be angry too.{ic | anger} #picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #Arc: Amestris No More #tw long post #//have a look at what the BH girls have been up to in this verse :Dc #ask to tag #//this is only part 1. things are gonna get worse before they get better :/

[elveny]

Through the Storm

New Chapter of Flaming Up!

Through the Storm | Read on AO3

The darkness faded slowly into a misty grey as Lyssa opened her eyes. For the longest moment, she just lay there, unable to move, her mind working to catch up with what had happened.

The corrupted dragon. The Elder One. The avalanche.

The avalanche!

The memory came back in a flash.

Tumbling stones and snow, the horrible, deafening sound of certain death closing in as she ran in panic, the pain as she was hurtled forward and down, down into darkness.

Lyssa gasped as she tried to turn to her side, sharp, red pain shooting through her shoulder and ribs, echoing in every muscle and bone and she uttered a strangled cry. The first movements were torture, her muscles sore and hard as stone, every limb cramping, and Lyssa felt as if her very being consisted only of agony as she slowly, tentatively picked herself up from the hard, ice-cold rock on which she had landed.

She whimpered as she finally made it into a kneeling position, a red haze coloring her vision. The throbbing pain made it hard to focus. Hot tears ran down her face, and the breath she gasped in was hurting in places she hadn’t known could hurt. This was bad. Her right shoulder seemed to be reduced to a knot of burning pain, and she couldn’t move her arm. Breathing hurt and when she carefully touched her forehead and cheek with her left hand, she felt a thick, crumbling sheet of dried blood.

Lyssa didn’t know how long she just sat there, trying to breathe and not lose consciousness again, the minutes ticking by in the rhythm of a faint water drop somewhere in that cave into which she had plunged. Finally, she managed to fumble at her belt with stiff fingers, finding the pouch where she kept a few vials of healing potion. As expected, she found mostly glass shards, but somehow three of the vials had survived the fall. Her hand was shaking as she pulled the corks out with her teeth and downed them all, ignoring the dizziness the movement of her head immediately elicited. The effect wasn’t as instant as she had hoped, but after another few minutes, she found she could breathe easier, and the throbbing pain in her head had subsided enough that she found herself able to think again. Carefully, she took stock of her injuries. Her right shoulder seemed to just be sprained, and the potions had eased the pain considerably, but her arm was definitely broken. She didn’t dare peel off her leather vambraces, but a superficial check told her that the bones hadn’t broken through the skin at least. She wasn’t sure whether her ribs were broken as well but didn’t think about it too much - there wasn’t anything she could do about that anyway. At least she was still able to move, even if it hurt like the Blight.

It took her a long time to be able to summon her magic and even longer to be able to concentrate enough to send it through her body. The usual ease with which she found the worst of her injuries was nowhere to be found, but she managed to heal at least some of her wounds. After what felt like hours, she was finally able to get up again, with her right arm pressed tightly against her body. She had tried to build a sling with her scarf, but it was makeshift at best. Her legs screamed in protest as she took the first steps into the cave passage opening in front of her.

It looked like a mine shaft, and Lyssa faintly remembered how Cullen had once told her that the whole mountain was riddled with these kinds of passages and caves, only half of which were actually explored. She had been lucky beyond measure. Now she could only hope to find a way out of the mountain. And then towards where the rest of Haven’s refugees were.

Read the rest on AO3.

#solavellan #fanfic #fanfiction #dai #dragon age #solas x lavellan #oc: lyssa lavellan #my writing

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

You know what?

She’s not dealing with this today.

Today is her birthday and her gift to herself is that she doesn’t have to deal with bullshit.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #little talks.{dash comm.} #madalchcmist #tw birthday #tw birthday mention

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

.....She’s just realized what day it is.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #breathin' and countin' to ten.{idle.}

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

↳ Absolutely nearly ate bugs as a toddler. Also had her parents to stop her though.

↳ Did not have any parents to stop her.

#you would be angry too.{ic | anger} #picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #little talks.{dash comm.} #flameleads #tw bugs

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@muses-of-kira​ asked: Lyssa, what was your mom's favorite color?

Ask about my muse’s mother. | Accepting!

“ My mom? ”

Admittedly, Lyssa is a little surprised that she’s being asked about her mother. But the answer comes to her easily. It was something she had asked her mother several times in her childhood, after all, and the answer was always the same.

The girl smiles, the memory a little blurred but still sweet in her mind.

“ My mama’s favorite color was blue. She used t’say that it was her favorite ‘cause it’s what the sky looked like and she always liked lookin’ at it. But... ” Her smile grows wider, though it’s not all too noticeable.

“ She also said she liked blue ‘cause that’s the color my eyes are. She always said that I got pretty eyes. ”

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #little voices.{asks.} #muses-of-kira #ask to tag

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

Anonymous said: Welcome Home, Anger.

Break my muse. | Accepting!

The Irritable awakens to sunlight coming in through the window. It lands on her face and she groans, turning to the side in hopes of falling back asleep, but alas there is no refuge to be found in the shadows this time. Especially considering....

C’mon, Anger, get up! I wanna go say hi t’everyone an’ get breakfast.

“ An’ I wanna sleep, Lyssa, so fuck off, ” Anger mumbles back aloud, only to be met with a snort in the recesses of her mind. Despite her host’s pleas, the Irritable decides it’s vastly preferable to shove her face into her pillow and again, try to fall back into dreamland.

Of course, sometimes people can’t get what they want.

I think Ed’s cookin’ up somethin’ good. You don’ wanna miss his cookin’, do you?

“ Did you have t’go on a fuckin’ bakin’ marathon a week ago? No? Put up an’ shut up, asshole, there’ll be leftovers. Sleep first. ”

Y’say that an’ yet, you enjoy my cookies.

“ Everyone does, ‘s nothin’ new, sunshine. Now shut off so I can go back to bed. You’re loud ‘nough that y’could wake up anyone from in there. ”

....Y’know, you’re not gonna get back t’sleep.

“ Fuckin’ watch me. ”

I am. Y’don’ look like you’re doin’ much’ve a good job.

.....It’s with a heaving sigh and to the sound of cheers in the back of her mind that Anger sits up and stretches, rolling her eyes before rubbing the sleep out of them with the heels of her hands. She’s barely paying attention to Lyssa’s babble(because, really, that’s what it feels like this early in the damn morning) as she goes about pulling a brush through her hair and changing into something a little better for breakfast(and being around other people).

Taking a quick look in the mirror of the bathroom to make sure she didn’t look too sleep-deprived, Anger makes her way to the stairs and then down them; but she does pause halfway down the steps. 

And Anger takes a moment to think.

This is....this is what peace feels like, isn’t it? Waking up and not immediately checking for danger, not worrying about something of hers being stolen while she slept. Not constantly looking over her shoulder. Waking up to a ceiling above her head instead of open sky. Staying in one place instead of moving constantly

It’s....it’s nice. Not even that, Anger isn’t sure she even has a word for it.

Perhaps wonderful is a good enough stand in for the moment.

Welcome Home, Anger.

“ Huh? ”

Anger are you daydreamin’ again? C’mon, why’d you stop? Let’s go!

“ Did you say somethin’, Lyssa? ”

I’ve been talkin’ this whole time, haven’t you been listenin’?

Anger chuckles and shakes her head, continuing on down the stairs as she rolls her eyes.

“ Sure, yeah, I’ve totally been listenin’ to you ramble on about your cookies. ”

I wasn’ even talkin’ ‘bout my cookies....wait, hey! You weren’t listenin’ t’me!

#you would be angry too.{ic | anger} #picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #little voices.{asks.} #beings of the gate.{anonymous.} #//yeahhhh sorry nonnie Anger took this one from me and ran with it #//you get fluff instead #//whoops

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@alchemic-elric​ asked: 🎁

Wrapped. | Accepting! | 94: Don’t Remember Me ; HalaCG

“ Accidents that ‘never happened’ means there’s nothing to amend. ”

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #little voices.{asks.} #alchemic-elric #//ohoho this one can be interpreted a couple different ways #on the road.{queue.}

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@alchemic-elric​ said: " Look You ain't gotta deal with bullshit but I madeja brownies so that's gotta count fer sum'hin' right? I mean it's yer birthday, right? We gotta celebrate that, right? Think 'bout nu'hin' else, Cupcake. T'day's 'bout you n' if a nap is whatcha want then I'll make sure nobody bugs ya, kay?"

She hasn’t done much today at all.

She hasn’t....done much in general, lately, really.

But now here comes Ed, with a plate of warm brownies and a smile, and reassurances that she doesn’t have to deal with any of the stuff going on right now. That she can just take a nap and nothing is going to bug her.

In all honesty, it kinda relieves her a little; Anger has fucked off to some dark corner of their little space and is refusing to come out today, so fir the most part(even if not really), she was by herself.

She appreciates the thought from Edward all the more, considering, and sits up with a faint little smile.

“ Thank you, Ed, ” comes the quiet reply as she shifts in place. There’s a moment of pause, before Lyssa pats the blankets next to her.

“ Y’can....Y’can come an’ sit if y’want. ”

It’s a request, but really, there’s an unspoken plea hidden within;

I don’t wanna be alone right now.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #little voices.{asks.} #alchemic-elric #tw birthday mention #tw birthday

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

Why today......why today of all days does he have to show up.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #little talks.{dash comm.} #madalchcmist #//:)c

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@flameleads​ said: 💭 + "So, this topic's for both of yooz. Would you... look, I'm gonna be blunt about it. You've both lived here long enough. Do you want to make it a permanent thing and become part of the family too? It'd take some work, but I've already started researching..."

Topics and Thoughts. | Accepting!

Do you want to make it a permanent thing and become part of the family too?

The words leave the girls speechless, gears turning in their shared mind as their body abruptly turns to look at him.

Make it...a permanent thing?

A permanent, permanent thing?

I’ve already started researching it, he said. How long has he been looking into this? How long has he been thinking about this?

And did he feel obligated to do it? Did he feel like he had to because...well. Everything? Technically, they both still have parents but it’s complicated; Lyssa’s father had been hunting down Anger for years and wasn’t aware(to their knowledge, at least) that his child was even still alive and even then, he would probably refuse to believe it, should he be informed.

Father...

That was a can of worms to be acknowledged at a later date.

And it wasn’t like either of them had a mother to speak of, so that was off the table as well.

Something he’d said does persist with the two, however. You’ve lived here long enough. Both are—happy isn’t quite the right word to describe it, but it’s a good emotion, so maybe—but they don’t want him to feel like he has to. He isn’t obligated to take a pair of children in, after all.

Not to mention all the...problems, that come with their particular package deal. Baggage for miles, it feels like sometimes, between Anger’s...“family” and what remained of Lyssa’s. Both were problematic on their own terms and it’s only a matter of time before each may resurface to cause issues.

(Anger in particular is a tad nervous. It’s been a while since her siblings have shit-disturbed, which is something they all tend to be rather fond of.)

Really, even Arlott isn’t quite as bad in comparison.

The thought makes Anger speak without thinking all too much about it.

“ Are you sure? ”

That earns her the mental equivalent of an elbow to the ribs a side-eye and a really, no tact whatsoever from Lyssa before the other takes over.

“ What she means is yes, of course, but—well—we...we don’t exactly come without some...issues. Like Anger’s whole thing and my...y’know. ”

#you would be angry too.{ic | anger} #picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #little voices.{asks.} #flameleads

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@musesofthemoon​ said: what doesn’t kill you...

Difficulties and Lessons. | Accepting!

“ Well... ” Anger begins with an apprehensive look, hands clasped together at her front in a fight to not start messing with the hem of her shirt.

“ Somethin’ difficult...well, that ain’t exactly...specific enough, I guess? It ain’t exactly like those’re few ‘n far between when it comes t’me. I...don’t like this question, Lyssa you can answer this one— ” 

And just like that, violet fades to blue and the girl rolls her eyes. Anger had gotten surprisingly good at tossing control over to her recently, which was something that Lyssa was appreciative of but at the same time...

It allowed for situations like this.

“ Well, since she’s run off...Somethin’ difficult I learned a lesson from, huh? Well...when...uh. How do I word this? After the...epidemic, it was jus’ me an’ my dad an’ he had t’start workin’ more to keep up with bills an’ everythin’. An’ I was left by m’self a lot. ”

A pause, and a nervous laugh.

“ It’s not like I was always alone, though, I had the other kids in town! An’ my dad showed me how to use everythin’ in the house, and told me what t’do if somethin’ bad happened, made sure I got everythin’ memorized. He...couldn’ afford a babysitter, I don’ think. But he was never—he never wanted t’leave me at home by myself, don’ get me wrong here. ”

She sighs, and fidgets in place. This...was uncomfortable, actually. She could see why Anger didn’t want to answer this one. Not to mention, Lyssa didn’t want to leave a bad impression of her father, even after...everything.

“ I was, uh...I was the one who told him I could stay by m’self. I liked feelin’ like a big kid, but it was hard sometimes. It got lonely, sometimes wakin’ up and he wouldn’ be there. Sometimes I was scared when it was nighttime an’ he wouldn’ be home. Anyways, um. The lesson attached to it all was that...sometimes I wouldn’ have my dad there t’hold my hand and do things for me. Sometimes I wouldn’ have...anyone, and I’d have t’do things m’self. ”

#you would be angry too.{ic | anger} #picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #little voices.{asks.} #musesofthemoon #ask to tag

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

“ What’d you even do to get that tone, Edward??? ”

She recognizes that tone.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #little talks.{dash comm.} #alchemic-elric

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

Is it late?

Yes.

Is there still the smell of cinnamon in the house because Lyssa’s started to bake something?

Also yes.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #a fight i can’t resist.{open rp.}

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@shiroi---kumo​ replied:

Kumo vc: "Do you have... hot chocolate to spare?"

Wordlessly hands him a mug of it. Why did she have two? Who knows.

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #little talks.{dash comm.} #shiroi---kumo

[angcrmanagcmcnt]

@alchemic-elric​ replied for a starter.

It’s been almost a day since the swapping of the salt and sugar by Anger, and Lyssa had gotten the urge to make cookies again. She had a feeling that Anger wasn’t quite welcome in the kitchen, though, so she was making an attempt to be quiet. 

Of course, that meant that the space was relatively silent.

That is, until she heard someone’s voice fill the silence suddenly and she let’s out what could only be described as a squawk and the spatula goes up in the air, Lyssa scrambling to catch it before it hit the floor(or her) and just barely succeeding. 

Taking a moment to just breathe and calm her racing heart, Lyssa turns and moves to make several gestures with her free hand before finally just pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing. 

Sky blue eyes meet bright gold and Lyssa puts down the spatula as she speaks, leaning on the kitchen counter.

“ Please...please don’t sneak up on me like that. Please. ” 

#picking up the broken shards.{ic | lyssa} #and it’s lovely to live in.{house a habit v | alchemicelric | flameleads} #where lonely ones roam.{threads.} #alchemic-elric