#plus he works with celebrities and rich people and i'm a librarian lmao

[narutosideblog]

Why am I depressed today? I will never be beautiful because I'll never have enough money that I could use for surgeries instead of rent, rainy day fund, house fund, etc., etc., etc. I don't give a fuck if other people find me attractive, I just want to be able to look into the mirror and like myself. And look good always, not just in low light or from a distance or a very specific angle for about four seconds. I want to afford doctors and treatments that would fix my skin or at least improve it, and I want a normal sized nose, and to stop eating so fucking much. I want to stay in bed for three days without the constant noise and yelling and mess that my family makes, I want to go home and go away where no one will look at me.

#i went to a consultation with a plastic surgeon #he showed me some before and after photos of his patients #none of them had noses that come even close to mine in size #seriously? #is my nose that abnormal? #i've genuinely only seen one other person with a nose bigger than mine #and she was a relative lmao #guess it runs in the family #so i don't know if i can trust that surgeon #if he's never had a patient like me #plus he works with celebrities and rich people and i'm a librarian lmao #how much would he care about me? #i could get it done next week and i have enough money #but it would drain all my savings and i'm just too fucking responsible to do that #i won't ask my parents for money #especially because my dad doesn't support this idea #honestly i've been so happy to wear a mask every time i go out because it covers most of my face #anyway #guess i'll just have to accept that i'll always be disgusting #it's the only thing i can do #personal