#plus their sentience also depends on the wizard's power

[snapeaddict]

Snapetober Day 14 - Perpetual

Summer of 1998

The gargoyle gave way - Harry quickly climbed the flight of stairs leading to the Headmaster's office. He did it with relative apprehension. He had not been invited, had not even requested a meeting; yet he was granted passage, and he hoped that was a good omen.

He wanted to speak with Dumbledore, once and for all. He needed it. Then he would finally try to let go, to think ahead, and continue to grieve. One last conversation and he would leave the school for twelve months before coming back to complete his seventh year: they had all agreed upon this break, even Hermione. 

But he stopped, well before the threshold. There was something - a sound - resembling sobs coming from the office: desperate weeping that could not be muffled, no matter how hard one tried. He listened.

Slowly, he climbed the last steps and froze. 

Professor McGonagall was standing in the middle of the office. In front of her, on the headmaster's desk, lay what looked like a portrait, recently unwrapped; the frame was of a rusty colour.

That was all Harry could see. 

Slowly, the new headmistress turned around the desk to face the portrait of Albus Dumbledore. Her hands were shaking. 

"Albus... perhaps we should wait. Just... just until he wakes up..."

Dumbledore shook his head.

When his voice rose, Harry was struck by how tainted with grief it was. If Professor McGonagall was crying, he instinctively expected the former headmaster to take on the role of the grave, comforting figure: but his voice, if that was even possible, sounded even weaker than the headmistress'. 

"I am afraid Severus made himself clear", Dumbledore said, closing his eyes briefly. "No portrait."

McGonagall was wringing her hands. 

"I cannot - I - please. No. I need to tell him first... how sorry I am..."

"My dear-"

"You have had your chance, Albus", she cut him acerbically. "I did not."

For a moment she could not speak. She tried to calm herself down, and Harry watched as she reached the desk for support. She looked fragile - exhausted. 

"You have no idea... no idea what I have said... or done", she whispered after a while. "No idea."

"Severus never held any of it against you, Minerva", the former headmaster said sadly, almost hesitantly. "He knew... what his role entailed."

"I need to speak to him!" the headmistress shouted, jerking her head to look straight into his eyes again.

The features of her face were distorted by pain - her gaze was wet, red and terrible - she struggled to breathe. 

"I need to speak to him", she muttered again, leaning more heavily on the desk. Then it seemed that she could not take it any longer and turned her face away from Dumbledore's, back to the portrait that led beside her. "I must speak to him."

"I cannot let you do that."

"You sent him to his death!"

The silence was heavy- atrocious. Harry watched as the former headmaster lowered his head in shame, and he stepped back, almost falling down - this could not be... Dumbledore would never...

"No matter what you tell yourself, Albus", McGonagall said after a while, coldly - "No matter what you tell yourself or how much we owe you, the fact remains. He is dead - I must tell him that I am sorry. I must tell him... how much I cared for him. He must know that I mourned him as much as I mourned you, when he... when he... he must know."

Dumbledore shook his head.

"Severus had little if any agency over his life, Minerva. He was never in control. He decided against a portrait. Could you face him once more, having denied his wishes even in death?"

In response, the headmistress only made a strangled sound and took her head in her hands, throwing herself into the headmaster's chair in defeat.  

She looked like a woman who would never recover. 

"You know how this works, Minerva", Dumbledore spoke softly, cautiously. "Severus was not alive when this portrait was painted. He did not teach it anything. That portrait will be less than a mirror - we poured so much of ourselves into our portraits, whereas he -"

"But it still will be a faint imprint. The level of sentience also depends on the power of the wizard depicted - you know this portrait will retain something of him. It has to."

The painted Dumbledore stood up.

"It will. And this version of Severus - this echo - will understand that his very existence and cognizance are to be the result of us having ignored his last wishes, only to cleanse ourselves - to relieve ourselves from guilt."

McGonagall shook her head, but said nothing. 

"Severus' wishes deserve to be respected, Minerva, more than even you deserve to apologise to him. It must be so - it cannot be otherwise."

She remained silent.

"Let him be in control. Let him decide. What he was never granted in life, he needs to be granted in death. I apologise, Minerva - I never wanted to inflict this pain on either of you. I tried to save him... he was to come out of this alive... you must believe me."

Then they fell silent.

After a while, McGonagall took out her wand and laid it before her, her face unreadable. She looked up.

"So you get the chance to apologise to me, Albus. You can and you will. But I cannot. I never will, even though I have a chance, even a half-chance..."

"This is not Severus."

"I know!"

She seized her wand and pointed it at the portrait on the desk, standing up furiously.

"I am glad, Albus", she said coldly, her voice suddenly strangely calm.

Blue flames came out of her wand and wrapped the portrait with blinding vigour. From where he stood, Harry saw the paper slowly come out of the frame, writhe in the fire, grow distorted and black; it took only a few seconds for it to be reduced to ashes, and it was then that he noticed all the headmasters and headmistresses around the office standing up, paying their respects.

The light of the flames made the tears on McGonagall's face shimmer faintly. She watched the portrait burn until nothing but the frame remained.

After a while she turned away, her face dry, and looked once more at Dumbledore.

"I am glad", she said again, and the former headmaster did not hold her gaze. "I will blame myself for the rest of my life - I will never get to apologise - but so will you. And your penitence, Albus, will last perpetually."

#severus snape #pro snape #minerva mcgonagall #albus dumbledore #snapetober #severus snape fanfiction #snapetober 2023 #harry potter #Had to read a bit about portrait theory in HP for this one #I suppose the official portraitist did not get Severus' will as I am sure he did not draft one comprising something like this #Bottom line is portraits are only mirrors and two dimensional echoes but the headmaster can 'educate them' in their lifetime #plus their sentience also depends on the wizard's power