#shax just looking like shes fucking done she could NOT catch a break at all

[jay-wasstuff]

Every person's reaction to the H*nd H*lding being different is funny asf

#shax just looking like shes fucking done she could NOT catch a break at all #the other demons staring in utter confusion and gagging like cmon now keep the h*nd h*lding in the bedroom!! #maggie just finding it sweet is so her and then nina is there like “i just wanted to talk about the christmas lights man” #crowley like mmmm okayyyy i see i can do that~ and aziraphale looking scandalised by the openness of such display from gabriel LMFAOOOO #good omens #good omens 2 #go2 #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable bureaucracy #neil gaimen #michael sheen #david tennant #crowley #aziraphale #gabriel x beelzebub

[ackerslut]

For your requests: Lower Decks senior crew meeting when they talk about dumb stuff. I saw the bar stool meeting in moist vessel and honestly, that was favorite part of that episode.

My apologies! I know this has been sitting in my inbox forever!!

Set in season 1 II AO3 Link

T'Ana is three fingers into her whiskey when Carol drops into her chair. Stress lines combined with her haphazardly styled hair indicates that she's been dealing with a certain wild ensign again. T'Ana feels equal parts amused and exasperated by the fact that Mariner could so easily get under the skin of their captain, but makes no mention of it.

"Aren't you on duty?" Ransom asks, sitting in his chair backwards like he's William fucking Ryker. Whatever, she's not going to ruin his dreams.

She throws back the rest of her drink. "And what of it?" T'Ana lets a bit of a growl into her voice.

Ransom holds up his hands placatingly. Carol eyes her empty glass longingly.

"Sorry-!" Billups yips, flying through the doorway so fast it almost doesn't have time to open for him. "-I didn't realize we had a-"

"It's fine," Carol mutters. "Take a seat."

Billups sits next to Stevens, who's been making weird eye contact with Ransom.

T'Ana doesn't want to know. She pulls her flask out of her lab jacket and takes a swig.

"Is this about the away mission?" Ransom asks, sighing. "Because I swear I didn't know the Gadaorianzes believed bathbombs were devil worship-"

"It's not about that," Carol interrupts, rubbing her temples. By the look on her face it's clear she and Ransom are going to be discussing that in great detail later.

"Okay then," Ransom glances around the room puzzled. "Then what's-"

Carol mumbles something incomprehensible to everyone but T'Ana. Sometimes having enhanced hearing is a perk.

This is not one of those times.

T'Ana pulls out her second flask from her boot and drains it.

"Uh, I didn't quite catch that-" Stevens begins.

"It's about Mariner!" Carol snaps.

T'Ana flattens her ears and rolls her eyes. "You've got to be kidding me."

Shaxs, who's been relatively quiet thus far, exchanges a commiserating glance with her.

"She's never where she should be, she disregards mission protocols, she sasses her superiors, she's not even adhering to dress code half the time-"

"Just demote her then," Ransom says, looking relieved that he's not about to be reamed out in front of the entire senior crew. Yet.

Carol narrows her eyes. "I can't," she mutters.

T'Ana raises an eyebrow. Or her equivalent of one, anyway. "What, she some bigwig's daughter? That make sense," she snorts.

The Captain's eyes get even more squinty. "What's that supposed to mean, Dr. T'Ana?"

"Oh, you let her get away with waaay to much shit for her to be anything less than an Admiral's daughter."

"I heard she's a spy for section-"

"Everyone knows you can't trust shit from the rumor mill on this ship, Billups."

"I'm saying it would make sense! Do you know how much she can bench press?"

"And she's so tiny too," Ransom says, mournfully.

"Eh-"

"Not really-"

"Actually she's taller than me-"

Ransom, who has about eight inches on everyone present, just scowls at the table.

"Cool, so Mariner's making the Captain spazz out," Steven's says, leaning back in his chair. He clearly trying to pull off casual and suave, but not succeeding due to the fact that you can only lean so far back in the swivel chairs before toppling over. "What are we supposed to do about it?"

"This isn't 'problem solving meeting,'" Ransom hisses, "it's our weekly group therapy session, Steve, keep up."

"Wait that's a thing?"

"How long have you been on this ship?" T'Ana asks.

"Four years."

"And you haven't noticed that Freeman calls us in here at least once a week-if not twice-to complain about her mentee?"

"She's not my mentee!"

"You're emotionally attached to her, just sign the adoption papers already," T'Ana shoots back, earning a chuckle of Shaxs.

"You do get this strangely constipated look around her," he adds.

"Hmm, just like the one you get when you look at Ensign Rutherford?" T'Ana adds, smirking.

"I don't have fatherly feelings toward-"

"You all disgust me," T'Ana says, shaking her head.

"Don't worry, someday you'll find an adorable, wide eyed Ensign to adopt," Carol says, patronizingly, something of a grin melting away the stress in her face.

"So you're admitting that you wanna adopt the problem child?"

Carol scowls. "I didn't call this meeting to be-"

"We are in fucking basement levels of denial," T'Ana groans. She drops her head onto the table and feels around in her back pocket for another flask.

"Just throw her in the brig again and be done with it," Ransom mutters, circling back to the original topic at hand. "It's not as if she can get up to much trouble there."

"Don't say that," Billups moans, probably remembering the last time Mariner was thrown in the brig. T'Ana hadn't been there for it personally, but she knows Carol deleted the security footage for therapy related reasons.

"Can't you just bribe her? Can she be bribed?" Steven muses.

"That's against regulation." Carol's considering expression is at odds with her words.

"Find her weakness and use it against her," Ransom says, filing his nails.

"She doesn't have weaknesses." Carol's face is now intense.

"She has friends right? Surely they're an influence on her."

Carol scowls. "Trust me, I tried that. Her best friend has some sort of loyalty crush on her and the rest of them would sooner break the rules than try and intervene."

"You have only one choice than," Shaxs says, voice rumbling.

Everyone turns to look at him.

"Give up."

"What!"

"Did he really just say that?"

"Shaxs!"

"No no. He's right."

T'Ana grabs the bottle of vodka ducktapped under the table and uncorks it. It's going to be a long afternoon.

[ketzwrites]

Rewatch 109: Rise Up

This might be my least favorite episode of the whole show. I make no secrets that my biggest interest in Shadowhunters is the political scenario and the possibilities of it. 

This episode takes the political scenario and cynically destroys all the potential real-world criticism that could be done. Clary gets to play the white savior, the Downworlders are childish and incompetent, Alec is complicit to torture, and - ultimately - the Clave’s twisted distrust of Downworlders is proven right.

I really hate this episode.

Teaser

Alberto is such a good actor. I wonder if this is the first time Raphael is dealing with a fledgling. He seems to know what he’s doing.

Act One

It’s good that Clary intends to tell Simon that it was her decision to bring him back, not Raphael’s.

I don’t get why Alec can’t just Iratze his arm. I also don’t get how Jace didn’t feel it when half of Alec’s bicep was smashed away.

Oh, okay. So, the Forsaken was after the MC. Not exactly the best plan to send the Ogre-like creature for a heist, but it’s not like Valentine is supposed to be a mastermind- No, wait. He is.

Look, it’s great that Clary was able to fight one Shax demon. Really, kudos for her. But when every single person in the Shadow World is looking for her, she is not right to want to stay on the streets and look for Simon. I swear, I don’t get this logic.

I enjoy how we are always reminded that Magnus is performing magic for payment. It’s part of his autonomy as a warlock (in fact, as the High Warlock since Magnus doesn’t take other clients besides the Institute).

Izzy has zero qualms in hugging Meliorn in the middle of the Institute. Noted.

Again, it makes no sense whatsoever to think the seelies would be working with Valentine. This “seelie always take the winning side” doesn’t work when Valentine’s side means, at best, their permanent banishment to the seelie realms, and at worst, their annihilation. That’s why Shadowhunters never showed the conversation between the Seelie Queen and Valentine in 219. There is nothing that Valentine can offer the seelies that truly interest them.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Maryse and Robert made a deal with the Clave prior to the Uprising? The event that Maryse helped organize? Honestly, the history of the Shadow World is so poorly crafted. The Clave knew the Uprising was coming but still failed to prevent it. Oh, but one shadowhunter and a recently turned werewolf were able to stop Valentine. I’m not buying it.

Both Alec and Jace have good points about Maryse and Robert. They are hypocrites and Alec is right to refuse to do their redemption for them, especially since neither Maryse nor Robert shows any regret for their past actions. But Jace is right to doubt they are working with Valentine again.

Can you imagine if Clary had told Elaine that Simon died in an accident and then Simon showed up at home like that?

Act Two

Clary is smart again and looks for Simon at his own house. Though, the lighting of this scene is so weird. In Simon’s bedroom is night time, but the corridor looks like it’s illuminated by the sun. It’s really weird.

Shots fired. Spill the tea, Alec.

I’m glad we get Simon telling Clary off for turning him into a vampire. She did it for love and it wasn’t her fault that Camille is a murderous monster. But actions have consequences nonetheless.

Lydia is terrible at interrogations and Meliorn is great at shifting the focus. He was called in to talk about the seelie blood in the Forsakens and, instead, he got the shadowhunters investigating each other. Lydia walked out with no confessions, no leads, and inner division.

Act Three

Oh, look. Raj!

Anyway, here is where Jace puts Clary’s need above Alec’s needs. He isn’t just prioritizing Clary’s quest to get her mother back over the safety of the Shadow World – which is bad enough for other reasons. He is purposefully deceiving Alec in the name of Clary’s interests. This is a betrayal of trust.

The dispute between Luke and Raphael is a classic vampire vs werewolf dispute. Fair enough. But it’s a writing decision to keep that animosity in a context where both races are oppressed by a third race. A writing decision that will annoy me in a couple acts.

Izzy and Jace are correct: torturing Meliorn will lead nowhere. That decision, though, follows the modus operandi of the Clave: Lydia failed to properly interrogate Meliorn but the blame for her lack of success in getting information from him is blamed on Meliorn’s supposedly ability to skirt the truth.

That said, there is no logic casualty between the Clave getting the MC back and the Clave doing bad things to Downworlders. In fact, I’m surprised Izzy doesn’t urge them to give up the MC as a way to prove Meliorn is cooperating and, thus, spare him from torture.

“If the Clave is willing to do this to Meliorn, what do you think will happen when they get the Cup?” Logically, they’d stop. Like they will stop in a few episodes when Imogen gets the Cup and stops Izzy’s trial.

Not that keeping people in cells is a particularly nice move, but I'm surprised Raphael is the first to do it to Clary. Lucky her the person in charge of the Institute when the story started was Alec: had it been Lydia or Aldertree or basically any other shadowhunter, she would’ve been put in a cell in the first episode.

Act Four

Fun fact: Simon almost becomes a Daylighter this episode as he struggles not to feed on Clary.

The stele stealing scene is actually very entertaining to watch even if it’s about the two people Alec should trust the most betraying him.

This conversation between Alec and Magnus breaks my heart. Rewatching the whole season, I don’t have a problem with how Magnus reacts to Alec’s marriage announcement anymore. It’s a matter of miscommunication: Alec came to the conversation looking for a confidante, Magnus came to the conversation looking for a hookup. When Magnus realizes Alec is set on following shadowhunters costume in detriment of his own happiness, Magnus gets angry but ultimately minds his own business. It works for me.

Hodge’s character is all over the place. He is the opposite in this scene as he was with Alec in 103. It’s essentially the same thing: Hodge catches the Lightwoods preparing for an unauthorized mission. But, with Alec, he was ready to let him go without further comments until Clary was mentioned. Then Hodge got angry because she is Valentine’s daughter. Now, Hodge gets angry because Jace and Izzy were about to lie to him but lets them go if that means saving Clary. The only intention I can see behind this is that Hodge is supposed to be seen as a sketchy character.

“Do you think I’d be sending Meliorn to the Silent Brothers if I thought there was another way?” Yes, I do. Because you suck at interrogations and clearly doesn’t care about Downworlders. I’m glad Alec doesn’t answer, forcing Lydia to further explain herself. Also, it seems this isn’t Clave’s orders after all, but a decision that came from Lydia herself.

Lydia’s sob story perpetuates the shadowhunter biased notion that all Downworlders are the same. One warlock in Rio betrayed her – after being threatened with torture -, so all downworlders are liars and should not be trusted. The fact that Alec doesn’t realize that is a huge problem but at least the ominous music is proof of that the writers know that.

Simon forgives Clary because he sees her need for his support as an opportunity for them to get together romantically. Understandable reaction, though I wish it was revisited when they do get together and then break up.

Up until Clary meets with Raphael – a public meeting, for some very idiotic reason on Raphael’s part – I’m on board on Izzy, Jace, and Clary trying to protect the Downworlders side by side with Luke and Simon.

But then her first words are “we’re offering an alliance with the seelies”. No, you’re not. You have no authority to do so. Also, Luke still holding a grudge against the vampires at a time like this is childish and uncharacteristic of him.

“We are a new generation of shadowhunters. We believe everyone to be equal” said by one of the people who attacked a whole clan for the actions of a couple vampires with no way of knowing it had been the leader’s orders to kidnap Simon. The person that, up until a few minutes ago, had to be told by a fledgling that this world sees them as different. The person that, during that same conversation, presumes to speak for Simon and is against him joining the vampires, who clearly know how to take better care of him that she does.

Maybe it’s a good thing that this show doesn’t delve into politics. If this is the best they can do, I don’t want it.

Act Five

More childish animosity between werewolves and vampires to prove that, without Clary, they would be incapable of working together.

Clary doesn’t know how the portal shard works. She’s only ever activated it by mistake. Do the writers think the audience is stupid?

And, in the same episode that Clary is being glorified as the conciliator of the Shadow World, she is ready to “call the whole thing off” because it might inconvenience Jace to fight his Parabatai. Oh, I’m sorry saving Meliorn might personally affect your boyfriend, Clary. You’re right. Forget about it. It’s just a Downworlder life you believe to be saving. Jace’s feelings are more important. Fuck this episode and whoever came up with it.

No women among the shadowhunters with Alec, hm?

It’s a smart writing choice to have Izzy use the whip against Raj. It seems an insignificant thing in this episode, but it entails bitter consequences for the next one.  

As wrong as Alec is for going through with this plan, I’m happy he gets to punch Jace on the face for making Alec’s choices all about him. And for winning the fight and refusing to work outside the system again just because Jace asked him to.

Act Six

I’m really not interested in watching Jace being jealous of Clary and Simon’s friendship.

I ship Meliorn and Izzy so much.

Did Izzy also tell you Clary offered to call off your rescue if Jace felt uncomfortable in fighting Alec, Meliorn? Or are we ignoring that to sing her praises she does not deserve?

I guess the worst part of this entire episode is that, in the end, Lydia was right. Meliorn was being uncooperative. He knows a way to find Valentine and chose not to disclose it. That also shows that the seelies are rather incompetent: they can get to Valentine and kill him but choose not to.

#ketz rewatches shadowhunters #sh 109 #sh meta #as a brazilian I stand with the warlock that lied to the gringos wanting to torture him #fuck them #there #i said it

[inkstainedhan]

invasions of privacy

The familiar clatter of someone on the roof trying to break in snapped Kazric out of his meditative stupor. Finally, some excitement.

It’d been a dull few days, waiting on the fucking train whilst the others went and messed around in some temple. He’d written a note to Vanbrute complaining about the situation and telling him all about the wicked party they’d had whilst the adventurers had been fucking about with a ball, but it hadn’t taken that long. The others with them weren’t the smartest, and none of them really wanted to talk to him. Unless it was about alcohol, that is.

He couldn’t really blame them, though. They’d seen his nastier side, seen him controlled by that drow bitch who’d enthralled him so many moons ago. They’d seen him slash apart their resistance,  crush their hopes of a peaceful resolution. Least they’d keep their mouths shut about it. He didn’t need the blondie on his arse about it. Wasn’t his choice. The adventurers were nice and all, and he’d tried to warn them away from the shitshow, but he’d been claimed as a fuckin demon’s bitch. Shax’s slave for as long as he could stand the brand on his wrist, ever painful. Its whispers were bloody annoying. Still, he’d been grudgingly accommodating, knowing that he’d better do what he was told or face the repercussions from his Matriarch, and he’d gone along with the plans. The mindless killing just wasn’t quite as fun anymore, though. Torture didn’t hold as much entertainment value. Not when the thought of it happening to Vanbrute - or to Aniks, or another of his friends - sent him into a deep rage. Apparently this group of fucks had helped him develop ‘morals’.

It’d been the vampire bitch who’d snuck into his room one night and talked to him about the whole thing. How the fuck she knew so much, he had no idea, but the whispers had stopped whilst she spoke. They’d been furious after, and he’d suffered for it, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t bear. What she’d said had been worth listening to, anyway. Bitch knew a lot for an elf. Hell, bitch was more fucked up than most of the drow he’d known in his old life. He wondered how they’d react to meeting her as he drew his greatsword, still concious of the threat above. The whispers reacted gleefully. Something he’d have to make happen? He hoped not. The adventurers were setting up a base, somewhere he could apparently set up a brothel. Not really his thing, but hey, if they wanted to take him seriously for once then he’d find a way to get it to happen. Probably threaten those drow runts into running it. This town, though.. he kinda hoped his lord didn’t want him to fuck it up. It sounded like a nice place, the kinda place you could go back to after a long day. Fuck, he’d gotten off topic even in his thoughts. He needed a drink.

The noise again snapped him out of his thoughts as three dark figures dropped through the roof into his cabin - the most insecure of them all, intentionally. He grinned, letting his anger flow through him and lifted the sword.

“You picked the wrong fuckin’ train to mess with, bitch.”

The figures turned around as he swung, yelling about how he should give up and throw down his purse. Fuckin’ boring. It was over fairly quickly for them, and yet Kazric came back to himself to find a great deal more blood than anticipated, his wrist thrumming with warmth and the bodies mutilated past the point of identification. Someone threw open the door, noises of concern halting at the sight. He grinned at them, conscious of the blood spattered across his face, and slid the sword back into its usual resting place. “Just a few idiots, died quick. Fuck off out of my room or I’ll put you with ‘em.” The door closed, only for the other to open. “Look--” A spell blasted him in the face, danced through the room, removing the stain and stench.

“If you’re going to create a slaughterhouse, do it elsewhere, and keep it quiet.” Cyne said calmly, golden eyes glimmering with irritation. “That was unnecessarily loud.” Kazric could see the vampire bitch nod, standing awkwardly by the lordling fuckface’s side. He scowled, looking down to meet the fucker’s gaze.

“Not my fault they don’t wanna die quiet. You done with yer lecture?”

Noble bitch sighed. “Are you done making a racket loud enough to wake the dead? Uh, no offence, Celuriel.” Since when did this fucker and the vampire bitch talk, anyway? Wait.. Kazric looked between the two, a grin spreading across his face. “Why are you--”

Interrupting the lordling, he strode forward and clapped the noble fucker round the back with enough force to send him staggering forward. Celuriel stepped back, clearly confused. “Niiiiiiiice! Aniks is out so you take his bitch? Thought ya were a bit’ve a player, hah!” he crowed, watching Cyne’s expression with no small amount of glee. No blush appeared, to his slight disappointment. Instead, the nobleman straightened back up and sent him a withering glare, speaking in.. oh fuck, he knew Undercommon.

--

At least the punishment set for his ‘idiotic and irresponsible actions’ and ‘lack of safety precautions’ (the latter of which, Cyne pointed out, Pin would have been annoyed at - especially since he’d made sure to remove any security around his specific wagon to make sure it got targeted to have more fun meaning the rest wouldn’t get as much entertainment) wasn’t too bad, though being savaged by a vampire wasn’t his idea of fun. She’d thanked him afterwards, in her own quiet, cryptic manner, but the encounter had left him feeling a little drained mentally. Not an uncommon feeling, not since the branding and the ale, but not one he enjoyed.

Least he could recover alone in his wagon, letting the whispers seduce him just a little more, murmuring responses unintentionally as he tried to get to sleep. It was night, after all. Too dark to bother with much else. He’d get that drink tomorrow.

(Not only was it too dark for drinking, but it was too dark for his eyes. Darkvision or not, he didn’t see the lordling listening to his every slurred word, nor did he catch the faint incantation muttered as Cyne departed, leaving Kazric to his dreams.)

#hanpost #cyne #kazric #celuriel #istralar