#she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[non-un-topo]

13 Books Tag Game

Was tagged by @disregardandfelicity Thank you! This is really getting me back into the spirit of reading. I needed this <3

1) The last book I read:

Coma by Alex Garland. I love him as a director, and I just recently found out he's also written some books. It was fun and mind-bendy, sort of reminded me of the stuff I try to write. Also really fast. I think I finished it in one or two hours.

2) A book I recommend:

Moving Forward Sideways Like a Crab by Shani Mootoo. I recently formed a little book club around this book because I just think it's so special. And almost no one has heard of it, which is such a shame! Everything this author writes is just stunning. Heartbreaking, guttural, sometimes disturbing, but always always stunning.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

Pillars of Light by Jane Johnson. Became one of my all-time favourites almost immediately, and I plowed right through it. I've been itching to read it again, actually. Oh, John the sad gay foundling, I miss reading from your pov...

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

For some reason I've read Room by Emma Donoghue twice. I wouldn't be able to stomach it now, but I guess it did something for me at the time. If anything, it's a fast read once you get used to the five year old's voice.

5) A book on my TBR:

So, soooo many... After the book I'm currently reading, I was hoping to pick up White Noise by Don DeLillo or Foe by Iain Reid.

6) A book I’ve put down:

Cloud Atlas, for now. Just sort of fell out of it by accident.

7) A book on my wish list:

And Then She Fell by Alicia Elliott. I've read her other book, A Mind Spread Out on the Ground, and I genuinely think it's one of those must-reads for any Canadian (or non-Canadian) interested in Indigenous lit.

8) A favorite book from childhood:

I was partial to The Spiderwick Chronicles. In earlier childhood, though, it was The BFG by Roald Dahl.

9) A book you would give to a friend:

The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano. I know what you're thinking --- kind of a depressing book to give to a friend. And yes, it is depressing and very rough. But it opened something in my heart, idk. I felt comforted by it. I would also give a friend The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan. Basically, books that have made me cry and hug them after I finished them.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own

Can't remember the titles off the top of my head, but I have some Neruda. My partner is the poetry reader.

11) A nonfiction book you own:

Oh, sooooo many. I used to only read non-fiction for the longest time. But I'll go with the one that makes me look the most pretentious: Gender Trouble by Judith Butler. Found in the special little book sale room at the library I work at.

12) What are you currently reading:

The Kite Runner, for the first time. It's as gorgeous and heartbreaking as promised.

13) What are you planning on reading next?

Essex Dogs by Dan Jones. I bought a copy last year, got a few chapters in, then gave it to my dad for Christmas because we're big Dan Jones fans and I couldn't find another copy anywhere. I waited months for my new copy, so I have to read it now!

Hmm, tagging @spacegirlsgang @raedear @captainshakespear @maddielle @polarcell @knoepfchen but no pressure ofc

#i can't remember which of y'all read a lot forgive me #this was really fun and made me want to read. i though i barely knew any books but i kept coming up with multiple answers