#i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[multi-obsessed-fanfic-writer]

The War Within (Anakin x Reader)

Author’s Note: I hope this is what you wanted, anon! I had a lot of fun writing this & all the angst in it :) let me know if you guys have any other requests or feedback for me! You’re all amazing <3

Requested?: Yes, by anon- “hi dear, could i request an oneshot where the reader was anakin's wife before he turned into vader,and when we turned (he comed to the dark side,but don't burned in mustafar,like he don't use the suit) he thought she was dead but in fact she joined the rebelion, and now she is Captured for interrogation and he finds out that she was alive and had the twins (leia and luke). Srry if it's too long or confusing, english is not my first language and it's very hard write complex things. have a nice day ( ˘ ³˘)♥”

Summary: You deal with the repercussions of your husband turning to the dark side while you join the rebellion. 

The War Within

Anakin Skywalker x female!reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: depictions of canon-type violence & torture, like one curse, and a lot of angst (but also fluff!)

“Anakin has turned to the dark side,” Obi-Wan tells you, sorrow dancing in his expression as he looks at you. You stare back with defiance.

“You’re lying! Anakin would never do such a thing. He’s sworn to defend this galaxy.” You sneer, turning away from Obi-Wan. You’re a couple of months pregnant with Anakin’s child, as he has been your husband in secret for a while now. Your bump hasn’t shown yet, luckily.

“He was deceived by a lie, (Y/n). We all were. Listen to me, when did you see him last?” Obi-Wan asks, stepping in front of you again. 

“That’s unimportant! Anakin would never turn to the dark side, he’s the most caring person I know!” You scream, tears pricking at your eyes.

“I saw it myself. There’s...a security hologram of him killing...younglings. In the temple. You were away, but...he’s gone mad, (Y/n). He’s a danger to himself and everyone around him. Help the Jedi. You’re one of us. You know what the right thing to do is.” Obi-Wan tries to convince you. You look up at him, tears streaming down your cheeks by now.

“Do I? Your Jedi order is the one that got us here- he- I don’t…” You sob, sitting down on the nearest thing as the emotions start to overwhelm you. 

“Reach out to him, (Y/n). Through the force. Then you’ll know I’m telling the truth.” He murmurs to you.

You do as he says, confident that Anakin won’t prove you wrong. Your Anakin could never turn to the dark side and do such horrible things.

Then you feel it.

“Ani!” You gasp, breaking out of your trance as your hand flies to your stomach to hold your barely-there baby bump. More tears spill down your cheeks as you feel the darkness that surrounds Anakin’s force signature.

“You know it, now. Please, do you have any information on where he might be?” He asks. You put a hand over your mouth to trap the sobs, one hand still resting on your stomach.

“Are you going to kill him?” You ask, looking up at Obi-Wan. His eyes glance down to your hand cradling your stomach.

“...You’re pregnant, aren’t you? And Anakin’s the father?” Obi-Wan asks. You don’t answer him, just look down as the salty tears drip from your chin onto your robes.

“Please don’t kill my husband,” You whisper.

“I will do what I must,” Obi-Wan says and turns around to make his exit. He turns back around to look at you one last time and says, “I’m sorry.” 

Then he’s gone. And so is your hope of living a happy life.

~+~

It’s been four years since you gave birth to Luke and Leia. During that time, you had helped establish the rebellion against the empire. You’re the current leader, dedicating your time to fighting against the evils that haunt the galaxy. You know Anakin is out there, and he calls himself Darth Vader now. You honestly hope to never run into him, knowing that you won’t be able to face the consequences if you can’t turn him back to the light. If he stays dark and rejects you, you’re not sure what you’ll do then. It’s the ultimate slap in the face for you. 

“General Skywalker, we’re under attack!” You hear from the entrance of the rebellion base you’re currently hiding out at. Your head whips to one of your men being shot down by a stormtrooper at the entrance. 

Your body kicks into action before your brain does.

“Get Luke and Leia out of here!” You yell, gently pushing your children toward a group of the men you had been leading.

“But general, what about you-”

“I can handle myself. Get them out of here, I can’t have them getting hurt. I’ll be right behind you guys and I’ll catch up with you later.” You hurriedly rush everyone out of the back of the base.

“We’re not leaving you behind, sir!” Your right-hand man and closest friend, Bail Organa, insists. You hear the stormtroopers getting closer.

Turning around, you give the group a small sad smile.

“You don’t have a choice.” You use the force to slam the door shut and crunch the doors into place so that they are harder to move. 

“Freeze!” You hear a modulated voice behind you. You raise your hands slowly and turn around, coming face-to-face with a platoon of stormtroopers with their blasters aimed at you.

“How unfortunate that it must resort to violence,” You sigh, obviously not that disgruntled about the situation.

“Remove your weapon slowly.” The stormtrooper at the front commands, gesturing to the lightsaber at your waist.

“What, this old thing? Oh, please, I don’t know if it even still works,” You scoff, unlatching it from your waist. You twist it around in your hand for a second, not making a move to set it down yet.

“Put it on the ground!” The stormtrooper demands.

“Relax! It’s not like I’m going to do,” You ponder for a moment, looking at the weapon, “this.” 

In less than an instant, you’ve lunged at the first stormtrooper in the front and cut him in half with your lightsaber. You cut through men left and right, dodging the blaster fire or deflecting it back onto them.

However, the more stormtroopers you get rid of, the more stormtroopers flood in. Eventually, you’re corner into a wall as you try your best to keep the upper hand.

“We have an order not to kill! Drop the weapon!” There’s a frenzy of orders as you try to fight your way out, but it’s no use.

After a few more minutes of fighting, you get hit with a shock that sends jolts through your body until everything goes dark and you feel your body hit the ground.

~+~

You wake up to a dingy, dark cell aboard an unknown imperial ship. You’re currently on both your knees with your hands and feet chained behind your back. 

You know where you are. You’d heard descriptions from spies about this ship before. No one has made it back alive. Yet.

The cell door opens, causing you to wince at the sliver of light it blinds you with. Two stormtroopers walk in with blasters aimed at you and a cart behind them.

“What are you gonna do with those fancy tools, hm?” You crack a smile, eyeing the silver cart behind them with curiosity. They stay silent, picking up a small blade from the cart.

“Tell us about the rebellion. What are your plans to overtake the empire?” One of the stormtroopers, the one not holding the knife, asks you. You stay quiet, making as much eye contact as you think you can through the visor of his helmet.

“We know you’re the leader of the rebellion! You should talk before your information hurts you.” The other trooper demands. You glare up at them from your kneeling position. 

The first one, without the knife, kneels next to you and puts his blaster to your head.

“I could pull the trigger right now and no one would even care.” He gets close to your face, taunting you. You look at him directly and do something you’re not sure anyone’s ever dared to do on this ship before.

You spit on his helmet.

Immediately after your spit makes contact with his helmet, you feel a knife slash across your left ribs. The wound starts bleeding viciously, indicating that the cut is probably pretty deep.

You cry out sharply at the new pain, but immediately clench your jaw shut to keep as much satisfaction from them as possible.

“Need to rethink your answer?” The knife-wielding stormtrooper asks.

“Never.”

“I guess we’ll have to get to work, then.”

~+~

That continued for a few hours. Then a few days. After about a week and a half, they were getting frustrated. You’re guessing it’s because their superior is starting to pressure them more. That pressure is probably life or death.

“Listen, bitch. You’re going to talk or you’re going to get someone new in here and you’ll like him a lot less.” The first stormtrooper, whom you’ve nicknamed Blaster, threatens you.

“Try me.” You growl. This earns you a sharp slap across the face and some blood on the floor. 

“That’s it, man. We’ve been at this for over a week. I think it’s time to call the boss.”

“He won’t be happy.”

“We don’t have any other choice.”

“Fine. Let’s go get him.”

~+~

That was the last thing you heard for three days. You went the next three days without light, food, or contact of any kind. Luckily, they had given your chains a little slack so that you could change positions occasionally. 

Currently, you’re facing the wall and meditating. You had gotten good at meditating after Anakin turned to the dark side. You were constantly trying to reach out to him, but he would never let you. There was a wall in the way of some kind, he couldn’t even tell you were there. 

Suddenly, you hear the door slide open behind you and you see the lights turn on. You grimace at the light but try not to let it distract you. There’s an especially dark force behind you, but you can’t tell who it might be.

“Well? Don’t think you can intimidate me by just standing there in the darkness. Come in here if you really want to make me talk.” You scoff, knowing that the hall light is still off. You can feel it. Whoever this is, they want the effect of a dramatic entrance.

“You sound familiar...did I know you?” The voice finally speaks behind you. The realization makes you go cold.

It’s Anakin.

You don’t know how to respond for a moment, whether to turn around and cry out for him or to stay cold and unforgiving to this man you no longer know. You opt for the latter option.

“You did...at one point.” You pray to the force that your voice stays even, not showing any signs of weakness. Your heart is the complete opposite, hammering in your chest like you’re on the brink of death. You honestly might be.

“What is your name?” He asks, and you hear him step forward into the room. You take a deep breath and steel your nerves.

“(Y/n) Skywalker.” You finally turn around and stare into the cold eyes of the man you once loved.

She sees the posture of Darth Vader go slack as he stares into her eyes. His own eyes lose their anger and his pupils dilate slightly, taking her in. You see the yellow of his eyes start to fade already.

“(Y/n)?” He asks and the edge in his voice is gone. You hear the old Anakin through the façade of the powerful man in front of you.

“It’s me, Ani.” You smile slightly. You’re getting to him just by him seeing you, which is better than you ever imagined.

“I...You...You’re dead. Obi-Wan told me that...you died. I thought...I thought the Jedi got rid of you.” He seems completely breathless from just the sight of you, questioning everything he’s been working on for the past four years.

“Why would they do that? I was one of their best assets. Besides, did you...did you never look for me? At least for my force signature?” You ask, eyes softening as the old Ani comes back to you. The Anakin that you knew and fell in love with. Your husband.

“No, I...I lost all hope...You…” He screws his eyes shut. You can feel the internal battle he’s having currently. The struggle between the light and dark raging just beneath the surface of him. He was so wrapped up in the darkness but the mere sight of you has awakened the light he didn’t know he still had in him and it’s torturing him.

“Ani…” You murmur, wanting so badly to be free of these chains so you can reach out to him and help.

“No.” his eyes open forcefully and the yellow iris of the dark side has returned, staring coldly at you in front of him. Your heart aches but you know that this isn’t easy for him. It’s not just a switch he can flip, but you’re willing to keep trying. If the first appearance of you is anything to go by, he’s now teetering on the edge and you just have to gain enough traction to push him over to the light side.

“Anakin, I’m alive. Look at me,” You plead, looking at him with love adorned eyes. The love you had for your Anakin never faded. After all, Darth Vader is not your Anakin. But he can be your Anakin again.

“You may as well be dead to me now. After all this time, you knew I was alive and you plotted against me. You turned against me.” He growls, and you see his fingers twitch. You had heard about the infamous force-choke that he was known to subject people to if he was angry. You’d have to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible.

“No...Anakin-”

“That’s Darth Vader to you!” He yells, lashing his hand out to grip your throat with the force. You notice that he does not immediately choke you or lift you off the ground, just leaves the force there as a threat.

“I turned against Darth Vader. I never once turned my back on my husband, Anakin Skywalker. I never will, either. Anakin’s legacy will live on through me and our children.” You promise, staring defiantly at him even though he’s threatening you. The force leaves its grip around your throat and you see his body go slack once more at your words. His hand drops to his waist.

“Our...children?” He murmurs, the softness returning to his voice. Once again you see the battle ensue in him. The storm batters his mind endlessly as the yellow starts to fade again. 

“Yes. I gave birth to Luke and Leia Skywalker. They’re beautiful, Ani. They’re ours. I love them. And your storm troopers almost killed them.” You tell him, hoping that he sees the light through this. Through your little family.

“Almost...killed…” He trails off, and through the force, you can see how wretched he feels. He’s so torn between the two sides that he doesn’t even know what to do with himself at this moment. You watch as he drops to his knees and lets out a feral scream as he clutches his head in his hands. You want so desperately to hold him at this moment. More than anything else you just want to hold him and help him.

But you can’t. This is his battle, not yours, and you’re currently chained to a wall.

“Come back to me, Ani. Return to me. Please. Together we can rid the galaxy of evil and restore it to peace and justice. Help me. Help me raise our children….help me live a full life with you. Let me love you.” You beg, struggling against your chains as the tears start to fall down your dirty and battered cheeks. You hurt for him so much, the force and your bond only intensifying the pain you feel for him.

“Join...Join me, (Y/n). Join me here. We can be more powerful than you ever realized. We can rule the galaxy together. Me and you. Side by side. As it’s meant to be. Free of the Jedi on your side.” Anakin grits his teeth and looks up at you again. His demand is less of a demand and more of a plea. His eyes fade in and out of yellow, and you can see that the light is starting to win. The dark is desperately clinging onto him, but it’s not dominating anymore. You can do this.

“The Jedi are no longer. You made sure of that, Anakin. I...I only know of a few left alive. A few that you didn’t kill. The Jedi order has disbanded. There is only the rebellion left. The rebellion that I formed. The rebellion that we can lead to victory, to a new world, side by side. Obi-Wan is there. Your friend, your former master. Ahsoka is there, your friend and former padawan. Together we can lead in the light, it doesn’t have to become dark again. Please. Join me with our friends and our family.” You ask of him, straining hard against the chains that keep you away from him. He clutches his head in his hands again, breaths coming out labored and in pain. 

“Side by side?” He asks, almost shaking from the utter pain he is in.

“In the light. We’ll be powerful together just not here. You don’t need the dark side to be powerful. As long as we have each other we’ll be fine. I’m not dead. Nothing’s been able to get rid of me yet. Maybe this has been my destiny all along. To bring the chosen one back to the light side so that he may restore balance to the universe. Maybe my destiny has been to love you all along. We were never meant to be a bad thing.” You murmur, eyes searching his figure for any sign of the light as he battles his instinct versus his feelings.

Then he goes still.

“...Okay.” He looks up at you, his eyes shining a bright blue. More tears stream down your face, but this time they aren’t in pain. They’re tears of joy.

You reach out with the force, brushing against his force signature and feeling the light force that emanates from him. You let out a happy sob, wanting to embrace him. He crushes the chains that keep you from him, freeing you from your captivity. You run to him and he envelops you in a deep embrace. Your face presses against his chest as your tears ruin his former uniform. Oh well, he won’t be needing it anymore.

“I love you. I never stopped.” You whisper into his chest, clinging onto him like a dying woman.

“I never stopped loving you. It’s...it’s what fueled my anger. Your supposed death.” He admits, holding you close to him.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re back. We’ll never be separated anymore. I’ll make sure of it.” You promise, looking back up into his beautiful blue eyes.

“We’ll make sure of it together.” He cups your face, tilting it up and pressing his lips to yours tenderly but hungrily. The tears mix into your kiss, creating a salty taste. But neither of you cares. You had both been waiting for this moment for much too long to care about tears in the way.

When you finally break away, you let out a half-chuckle that gets caught in your throat. This is certainly a situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

“Now, how are we going to get out of here?” You ask, not daring to let him go even now.

“Leave that to me.” He tells you, brushing the hair behind your ear as he gazes at you lovingly.

Within moments, you’re back in chains and he’s leading you down the hallway, an angry façade on his face.

“Sir!” The stormtroopers salute him as the two of you walk down the hallway. 

They’re terrified of him, you realize.

“Sir, where are you taking the prisoner?” A stormtrooper dares to ask, to which Anakin shoots him a glare and raises his hand threateningly.

“Imperial business, trooper. Know your place.” He growls, pushing you forward. You realize that Anakin has had your lightsaber strapped to his waist this entire time, making you smile. He knows it’s yours and he probably planned on asking you how you had gotten it before he realized who his prisoner was.

“S-Sorry, sir.” The trooper backs down immediately. The two of you make it to the docking area with no problems. Until one stormtrooper has some audacity.

“Sir...are you feeling well? You don’t look normal...wait a second, men! He’s not on our side-” Before he can finish, Anakin has cut him in half with his striking red lightsaber. The other troopers caught onto the cry for help, though, and are now aiming their blasters at the two of you.

“Well, I suppose we couldn’t have a clean getaway, could we?” You give Anakin a small mischievous smile that he returns.

“Not likely with the two of us,” He chuckles. The two of you spring into action. You realize you’re still bound by chains at the wrist so you put it over a trooper's head and start choking him, using his body as a shield until you can’t anymore.

“Saber!” You call out to Anakin. In a moment, he’s throwing your lightsaber to you. You catch it and activate it, cutting your chains in half. Now you’re ready to battle.

The two of you weave through troopers with ease, fighting back to back as if nothing had changed. You deflect blaster shots left and right, swinging through troopers as you make your way to the getaway ship. 

Within mere moments, the two of you are on the loading ramp of the ship. Anakin goes to turn the ship on and the ramp starts to close. You lower your saber, thinking the fighting is over. Before you can react, Anakin is pressed against you again and deflecting a shot behind your back with his lightsaber. You turn just in time to see him crush the trooper that tried to kill you with the force. You frown slightly, knowing that there’s still a hint of aggressiveness and probably darkness in Anakin, but it’s nothing you can’t work on.

He’s back now, and that’s what matters.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” Anakin asks, sitting down in the pilot’s seat and offering you a wide smile. This is probably the most he’s smiled in four years.

“Yeah. Let’s go home.” You smile back at him.

~+~

Once you’re back to your lead rebel base, you’re immediately greeted by a crowd. Out of the crowd emerges three figures: Bail Organa, Luke, and Leia. You crouch down as Luke and Leia run up to you and hug you.

“Mommy!” They cheer, laughing as you stand up and twirl around with them in your arms. They giggle as you set them down, clearly happy to see you again.

“You’re back. Congratulations, I didn’t know if we’d see you again.” Bail gives you a chuckle of relief as he gives you a clap on the back.

“Well, it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t found someone…” You trail off, looking behind you to see a sheepish Anakin step out. You sense the nerves radiating off of him. I mean, he is entering the camp that less than twenty-four hours ago he had promised to destroy.

The crowd of rebels takes a nervous step back, not sure how to react to your news. This was their sworn enemy, and now you’re claiming he helped you?

“How can you trust him?” Bail asks, sizing Anakin up with one hand ready on his blaster.

“He’s my husband.” You state plainly. This shocks the crowd.

“Your husband?” 

“When did you two get married?”

“You’ve only been captured a couple of weeks!”

The crowd’s responses make you chuckle.

“I was married to Anakin Skywalker much before he became Darth Vader. He thought I was dead but...the sight of me made him abandon his sith side. He’s back to being Anakin Skywalker...my husband. I love him, and he will be accepted here.” You all-but-command. The crowd seems to ease just a little bit, but not much.

“Daddy?” Leia asks, a small look of skepticism on her face as she looks at Anakin. You see Anakin’s eyes shine with tears as he looks at his daughter, hearing her call him dad for the first time ever.

“I thought you said dad died.” Luke tugs on your leg, almost hiding behind you. You chuckle lightly.

“He did for a little bit, but...he’s back now. And he’s going to be a part of our life. We’re going to be a happy family now, okay?” You smile, tears pricking at your eyes for the third time that day alone as you look at your little family. The family you finally get to have.

“Okay…” The two of them cautiously approach Anakin. He kneels down, and they start to talk. You know they won’t be welcoming immediately, as he’s a stranger to them, but given time...you know that you can be a happy family again.

And with this thought, the hope of living a happy life returns to you. And this time, you know it’s here to stay.

~~~~~

Tags: @thesmallestalien @rowley-with-ackerman @official-hitmxn

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[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 27

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Angst, slight fluff

; Word Count: 4k

; Warnings: Not really an argument but close to it, depictions of anxiety and stress

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: This is one of the more angsty ones, not as bad as before, I swear! I hope you don’t think too harshly of the MC, she’s trying :( the next one is super fluffy...as it’s their anniversary! :D so fear not. As usual, please reblog if you enjoyed it so others can read it and leave me comments, feedback and asks! Thank you!

; Flower Masterpost

-

Straightening up from the bent-over position you’d been in for the last five minutes, you wince at the pain in your back and rub at it with a slight pout to your lips. You don’t remember if moving into your apartment had been this stressful or tiring, but then your place had been much smaller and you’d had less stuff. 

Even with the help of Jimin and Jungkook, it had taken Hoseok and you three days to get everything out of both your old apartments and into your new place. The two of you had started looking for somewhere soon after agreeing to the idea and it had been pure luck to find your new home.

The two-bedroom house that you were both renting was only half an hour away from your parents. It was bigger than you’d originally anticipated but small enough to make it perfect for a couple. There was a backyard that was currently a little overgrown but offered a surprising amount of space while the driveway had space for both your cars. 

The interiors needed a little rework initially but the landlord had promised to have everything repainted and fixed for you both, which they had thankfully. You also had permission to put up decorations on the walls and treat this place like your own home, as long as it all went back to looking neutral at the end.

There had been no reason for either of you to turn it down, especially as the rent was low and the utilities more than affordable. Okay, so you both would need to drive a little further to get to work every day. But both of you were making up for it with the reduction in what you would be paying now compared to before, so you’d eagerly signed the lease agreement as soon as possible.

Which was how you were now here, kneeling on the floor of your new living room as you let out a deep sigh of resignation. Even though you’d been the one to ask Hoseok to move in together, which had surprised pretty much everyone you both knew, it had unsurprisingly been you who’d ended up having issues about the whole thing.

The issues were nothing to do with him or even the idea of living with him. Instead, they were everything to do with the fact that you hated, and struggled to cope with, change of any kind. There probably wasn’t a bigger change out there than uprooting your entire life to a new house and then sharing that house with someone else, a person whom you were romantically involved with. 

Suddenly, any decisions you made regarding your home would need to include Hoseok in them. You wouldn’t be able to change things on the fly like you were used to, nor would you be able to be by yourself at home when you were feeling overwhelmed. It sounded silly when you thought about it logically, or said it out loud, but you’d found yourself struggling over it all.

You’d thought you were ready for it all. After all, you’d been the one to ask him the big question. Only you’d had more than a few meltdowns in the process of packing up your apartment. It made you cringe to think back on them, embarrassment and shame flooding you as you recall the way you’d handled it all.

If there was one thing you’d learnt over the years, it was that you didn’t handle things well in all honesty. Which was why you bottled it all up until it got too much. The results of those explosions got you even more upset, producing a never-ending cycle. Which was why you would often get set off by the smallest, most unimportant thing.

Only last week you’d slipped into, what could only politely be termed, a temper tantrum. A big, fat, adult tantrum. You’d been in the process of breaking down one of the bookcases in your old living room, unscrewing everything carefully after you’d packed away the contents.

The combination of tiredness from all the packing, the stress of moving and changing over debits, the strain of all the lifting, the fact you were doing all this after a full day of work and how your body ached from all the lifting and dismantling had accumulated after you’d accidentally dropped one of the wood sections onto your foot. Almost immediately you’d yelped out in pain before cursing loudly, frustrated tears seeping as you’d visibly trembled in rage at the stupid bookcase.

It had taken half an hour locked inside your bedroom until you’d finally calmed down enough to go back out and carry on. Thankfully, Hoseok hadn’t been there to witness that moment.

Your boyfriend was far more than you deserved as he hadn’t complained about your slowly souring mood. If you were being honest with yourself, he’d probably seen it coming. He had been the one to make completely sure that you were okay with the idea and had tried to make things go as slowly as possible so you didn’t freak out too much. But you were still struggling with it all.

Your antidepressants were working fine and you were thankful that you hadn’t fallen into a slump, but you just felt like you couldn’t think properly. Nothing was in its right place and everything was just...wrong at the moment. Then there was the fact that you were going to have Hoseok’s stuff here too and you’d both bickered about whether or not to set up the second bedroom as a spare bedroom or an office.

He was truly a saint, you were positive, because despite how grumpy you had slowly become he had taken it all on the chin with a patient smile. You, however, just wanted to go to sleep and for everything to be ready to use in the morning. 

It frustrated you to look around the house and see everything that still needed to be built and put away. If you stared too long then you often ended up feeling the heat build in your eyes, tears threatening as exhaustion buffeted you. But that wasn’t how it went, and so you had been unpacking box after box only to find it was more stuff that needed to go in the storage unit that Hoseok was going to build.

Or rather, should have built. He’d promised a few hours ago that he’d get it all set up for you so that you could at least get these boxes out of the way. This unit was going to store all the books, board games and Hoseok’s vinyl records. Instead, they were all still in the boxes and you were glaring at the box that held the storage unit. Still not made.

“Hoseok!” You yell, the tone of your voice a little harsher than you’d intended it. He wasn’t used to hearing you get angry or annoyed but he’d certainly gotten used to it in the last two weeks. Being the good person he was though, he hadn’t snapped back at you. Yet.

“Yeah?” Comes his muffled response and you hear the quiet, low voices of the other two men from the main bedroom. They’d been putting together the bedroom furniture all day while you’d unpacked the kitchen, carefully storing the fragile dishes and glasses before finding homes for the food that you’d run to the store for.

“I thought you said you were going to build this unit?” Even as the words come out of your mouth, you can tell that you’re being unreasonable. He’d spent all day sweating and swearing as he’d set up bedside cabinets, drawers and even the bed. The two of you had decided to invest in all new furniture given you both had rather dated furniture that didn’t match at all.

Unnecessary? Yes, but you’d just wanted to have a nice home that looked right. Yet again, more unreasonable demands from you and more expense. But he hadn’t complained about any of it, instead just going shopping with you and getting it all. Maybe he thought there was no point in complaining or something, but you had the furniture you’d wanted in the end.

And you weren’t being a mean person. You had offered to help them build it all but they’d waved it off with the eagerness of men wanting to be manly and build things. Plus, you were pretty convinced that Hoseok knew how frustrated you’d become just dismantling furniture and didn’t want to risk you getting even angrier if something went wrong while building. 

After repeated offers to help them being rebuffed, you’d finally just shrugged and settled yourself for putting away everything that you could. You liked doing that much better really as it gave you a sense of peace and satisfaction to see things in the places you wanted them and looking tidy.

Maybe that was why Hoseok had suggested you do that. He’d been amused the first time he’d seen your food pantry all in neat lines for ease of storage and access but had slowly learnt that you liked everything to have a place and always be in it. 

As it was, the kitchen was pretty much completed and so was the ensuite bathroom and the guest bathroom. The living room had Hoseok’s couch and your coffee table while there were a dining table and chairs towards the back. Perfect for both eating and gaming, of course.

But there was no storage in here because...well because Hoseok hadn’t built it!

“Sorry, I’ve been busy here. We’ve just got to finish up with these drawers-” Huffing, you scowl at the unopened box before looking over all the other boxes that haven’t even been touched as his excuses wash over you. The rational part of you knows that they’re valid excuses and you even want to tell him it’s fine, the living room can wait until tomorrow.

The dark cloud of annoyance, stress, anxiety and tiredness has settled fully over your mind though and you grit your teeth as tears form in your eyes. Why did you always have to cry when you were angry? It was pathetic.

“It’s fine. Whatever.” There’s a terse silence that follows your short words and you can practically hear Jimin and Jungkook cringing at the tension that’s suddenly ratcheted up. Pursing your lips, you wipe at your eyes furiously before closing the box back up and pushing at it harshly.

“I’ll build it now for you.” Hoseok’s voice is much closer and you look up, noting his carefully neutral expression on his tired face. Almost immediately you feel remorse for being short with him but the words get stuck in your throat. His hands are a little dirty from the dust of the furniture he’s been building and you note they’re also a little red, probably sore from using the screwdrivers and stuff. 

You go to look for some of your hand cream to rub into them for him before realising that you have no idea where it is and the negativity comes rushing back. The box that he’s carrying clinks quietly and you know it’s got all the tools he needs in it to build the unit.

“I said it’s fine. We can do it tomorrow.” Looking away from him, you rub at your forehead from the headache you’ve got while rolling your shoulders, trying to stretch the aches and pains away. There’s a deep sigh from Hoseok that sounds incredibly controlled and you wince slightly, realising that he’s holding his temper back.

“It’s okay, it’s a quick build. It’ll take half an hour or something and then it’ll be done. Better to get it done now and then we get some of these boxes gone, right?” Closing your eyes, you bite your lip hard as you try to settle yourself. When you’re in one of these moods, you normally just take yourself off somewhere to be alone so you can’t be rude or mean. 

But there is nowhere to take yourself to here. Nowhere that’s ready, anyway.

Pressing your hands to your eyes, you feel the hysterical urge to just cry and scream. The knowledge that all your safe spaces have vanished for the moment and you have nowhere to go to be calm tipping you further. Even Kasumi is stuck just sleeping on the floor as her stuff is also packed away, waiting to be rebuilt.

You just want it all done so that you can settle back down and allow yourself time to get used to the new environment you live in. Let it all become familiar and warm once more, a home that you can retreat to and feel comfortable in. Right now, it resembles more of an IKEA and you hate it.

“Baby-” Hoseok starts and you shake your head furiously, wiping hard at your eyes before pushing the box of books as hard as you can in front of you. It’s a futile way to get out some of your anger and stress, but it feels good. Better than saying something that might hurt the one person who’s understood you more than anyone in years.

“Leave me alone. Please. Go build the bed or whatever. It’s fine. Tomorrow. I just, I need you to-” You’re not even sure what you’re saying anymore and you feel the anxiety of it all building up. Leaving your old apartment was so much harder than you’d expected and you’d struggled with the idea of knowing you no longer had anywhere to truly be alone. If you got mad at Hoseok in the future, he’d still be in the house somewhere.

You’d spent so many years making your place somewhere that was comfortable and familiar to you, a home that you enjoyed being in and now it was all gone. Now you have to relearn how to make this space comfortable and learn entirely new ways of how to cope with your moods and behaviour with another person.

The quiet sound of the door shutting clues you into the fact that Jimin and Jungkook have left. Unsurprising really, because you sure wouldn’t want to hang around to hear a domestic argument. Particularly given one of those involved is perhaps the quietest person they’ve ever known.

Standing, you pick up one of the boxes that are filled with your board games and move it to the other side of the living room, providing plenty of space to build furniture tomorrow. Going back, you don’t look at Hoseok and you’re not entirely sure why. Maybe you’ll explode on him or maybe you’ll burst into tears. Who knows?

You don’t, which is why you clench your jaw. 

There’s an awkward silence between you both as Hoseok doesn’t move, simply watches as you rearrange the boxes in the living room. It makes absolutely no difference now that they’re on the other side of the room but you feel a small sense of relief and peace when they’re all lined up neatly in one area, stacked on top of each other carefully.

The floor is visible once more and you frown at the sight of all the dust covering it. You should vacuum that, only you don’t think you have a vacuum anymore. That may have been one of the things Hoseok said to throw out as yours was ancient and he didn’t even have one. 

Scowling at it, you go to the kitchen to grab some cleaning spray and a cloth to at least get the coffee table looking nice. There was no reason for it as it was just going to get dirty again immediately from all the furniture dust but you just needed to make it look clean for now.

“I’m not gonna fight you, Y/N. Please tell me what’s wrong?” Hoseok says quietly, his voice carefully neutral and you pause at the kitchen cabinet, fingers on the door handle. “Please. I don’t want to argue with you when I know you’re not mad at me.”

He sounds so reasonable and calm that you don’t snap at him immediately, instead frowning down at the countertop and rubbing at a mark on it. For a few minutes, you don’t respond and he doesn’t push either. You’re not entirely sure what nation you saved in a previous life to get him, but it must have been a big one.

There’s plenty of other men who would have had a full-scale argument with you by now. The kind of argument that would have let you in tears while you struggled to breath from the anxiety of it all. But t Hoseok knew you. After almost a year together, he knew what upset you and made you angry. Most of all, he knew that you didn’t respond well to conflict. Which was he was just waiting for you to talk to him instead of shouting at you.

Maybe the knowledge that he wasn’t going to snipe at you or be mean was the final straw. All you know though, is that his soft and reassuring words seem to cause something inside of you to crack and all the stress that’s been building up inside your mind finally bursts free. 

Lips quivering, you frown hard as you wonder how you’re meant to get across what you’re feeling and thinking. You don’t even really know yourself, so trying to describe it to the one person who you want to understand the most is even harder. Made more so by the fear he might find your excuses pitiful.

“I don’t...it’s just,” Your throat closes tightly as thick tears slowly start to fall. “It’s a lot. Everything’s a lot right now and I just...I can’t handle it. I don’t know how to. I mean...I don’t feel comfortable here yet and it’s making me so anxious and unhappy. And then everything is in these fucking boxes and nothings built properly, we don’t even have the television set up and it’s just...I’m just struggling. I’m trying Hobi, I’m trying.”

You whisper the last words, wiping at your eyes and nose as you try your hardest not to completely break down. If there’s one thing you hate the most in the world, it’s probably crying. It makes you feel pathetic, and when you’re struggling with something as simple as moving places it makes you even more so.

“I just...nothing’s where I like it and I don’t know where everything is. It all feels foreign to me and even Kasumi doesn’t have her stuff! I don’t even know what I’m saying, it’s not even that bad but...but...I just want it all finished so I can start getting used to it! Start thinking of it all as a home and getting used to a routine here! And I’ve had to change all my routines around now because it takes longer to get to work so I have to get up earlier which means I have to go to bed earlier and find out the traffic and-” You’re interrupted by Hoseok wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you tightly.

For a few seconds, you do nothing until the warmth of his embrace causes you to turn around and link your arms around his waist too. Inhaling deeply, you take in his scent and start to cry once more as everything all comes to a head in your mind, all the ramblings thoughts and stressors and worries you’ve had flooding out as you ramble on to him.

Finally, though, you run out of things to tell him about why you’re so upset about seemingly nothing and instead just hold onto him silently. Your tears are soaking his shirt and you feel a little embarrassed at your minor meltdown but most of all, you just feel safe in his arms. Like no matter what you say or how silly it sounds, he won’t judge you.

In the chaos of your mind and surroundings right now, he was stable and familiar. Comforting.

“Why didn’t you argue with me? I could practically hear you restraining yourself. I was being so stupid and mean for no reason.” You whisper after a while, lips brushing against his shirt with every word. His chest shakes as he chuckles, a hand stroking along your back reassuringly.

“Oh, I almost did. Today was the closest I’ve ever come to snapping back at you. There’s every chance I might’ve done if you’d been someone else. But I know you. And even though you haven’t confided it to me...I know you’ve been putting a brave face on with this whole moving thing. We’ve been together for almost a year, sweetheart. I know what makes you upset and I’ve learnt that change is one of them. And this? Is a big change. I’m stressed over it all so I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.” The tears return to sting at your eyes, pricking at them hotly and you sniff almost pathetically at his sweet, soothing words.

“I’m sorry. I just…” He cuts you off once more with a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“It’s okay, honestly. I’m just happy you’ve finally told me. I’d pretty much figured all of this out and I knew you weren’t coping too well. But you weren’t talking to me and I didn’t want to push it if you didn’t feel comfortable. But baby, please, in the future just talk to me. I don’t want us to get into another situation like today where we’re on the verge of an unnecessary argument over something as stupid as a storage unit.” He’s rubbing his hands along your arms in a warming gesture, giving you a soft smile that has the tears banking once more.

“I’m sorry. I just...I always feel so stupid. It’s not even anything that bad and I’m here acting like a baby over it all.” Your words are a little thick from how tight your throat is and Hoseok sighs once more, only this time a little more affectionately. The small smile he gives you cuts through your wallowing self-pity.

“You’re not being a baby. If you’re upset over it, then you’re upset over it. I don’t want you getting stressed or anxious over anything but I’ll take having your routine changed and the places where you feel safe and comfortable changing over you getting pissed at me just because I hadn’t built something on time. Those are real reasons to get upset, emotions that are a part of you and I’ll try my hardest to never be angry at you for feeling them. I can’t guarantee it’ll always work because Lord knows I’d almost reached my point today but I will try. Because I know you don’t mean it. You’re the least angry and mean person I’ve ever met, to be honest.” A kiss to your forehead once more seals his words and you sniff, wiping at your face again.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Or upset you. I’m sorry. This is just, really big. And I’m scared too. Because if something goes wrong between us then this,” You gesture round to the house in general. “Makes it harder for us to go our separate ways. That frightens me.”

“Hey, it frightens me too. But you know what’s good about that? I have zero plans of leaving you anytime and I’m pretty sure you have zero plans too. Right?” A head tilt from him adds to his questioning tone and you can’t help the soft smile as you nod. Enveloping you in a tight hug once more, Hoseok does his best to reassure you before pulling away slowly.

“Okay, we finished all the bedroom off so...how about we just get the bedding sorted, order takeout and then just watch something on my laptop? No more negativity and no more work today, okay? Let’s just cuddle up and relax.” Looking out over the living room that you can see over the island in the kitchen, you twist your lips at the sight of everything still packed away before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #btswriterscollective #ficswithluv #hoseok angst #hoseok fluff #hobi angst #hobi fluff #j hope angst #j hope fluff #bts fluff #bts angst #hoseok fic #hoseok fanfic #hoseok fanfiction #hobi fic #hobi fanfic #hobi fanfiction #j hope fic #j hope fanfic #j hope fanfiction #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #hoseok x you #hoseok x reader #flower!hoseok

[englishlistwords]

A friend of mine was recently telling me about her new job. “I like it, except my boss is hard to read,” she said. “I wish she’d just come out and say what she thinks!” Instead, her boss uses wishy-washy expressions like, “Hopefully you’re okay with this?” and, “I might possibly have a suggestion for you.”

As organizations become flatter, communicating well in every direction is getting more important. But managers and leaders are often worried about sounding too controlling, so they soften what they say. Their team members, taking their cue, bury their own ideas under hedging expressions that muddle their meaning. Before long, everyone just winds up sounding less clear, confident, and authoritative than they actually feel. In order to make sure you sound like you know what you’re talking about, cut these common words and phrases from your vocabulary.

Related: This Three-Word Phrase Is Subtly Undermining Your Authority

1. “I’M NOT SURE, BUT . . . “

For starters, it’s okay not to be sure about something. After all, false confidence is often just as bad as open ignorance. But saying “I’m not sure” when you really do have a decent grasp on the matter only undercuts your cause.

When your employee, for instance, says, “I’m not quite sure, but I should have the report done by Friday,” you’re left to wonder whether that means you’ll actually have to wait until the following week, or that they’re just being modest. There are better ways to communicate tentativeness in cases like this: “I’m waiting on a few more data points from our finance team, so as long as those come through tomorrow, the report will be ready by Friday.” Now your employee sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

Similar qualifiers to avoid include “only a thought,” “just my opinion,” “hard to say,” and “this might be a silly question.” None of these humble idioms help you make a compelling case about a complicated topic, or let you underscore what you do know in a situation where there are unknowns. The goal isn’t to minimize uncertainty or downplay risks. It’s to be taken seriously as someone who can navigate those gray-area experiences with well-founded confidence.

Related: Six Words And Phrases That Make Everyone Hate Working With You

2. “SORT OF” OR “KIND OF”

When someone says, “I sort of think” or “I kind of suspect,” it’s clear they either don’t want to come out and speak the truth or else don’t really know their own mind.

Maybe a sales manager says something like this: “I kind of think we should approach that client again–it’s been a long time since we’ve heard from them. What do you think?” Is she uncertain about going forward and genuinely wants your opinion, or is she just trying to give direction by softening her statement?

Or perhaps your boss says, “I sort of liked the work you turned in last week.” Perhaps she’s suggesting your work wasn’t up to snuff, or perhaps she’s just giving you a compliment and softening her language. It might seem like an unimportant difference, but in reality it leaves you not knowing how to respond: Do you keep doing what you’ve been doing, or do you ask for feedback on how to do better work next time?

Not only do these phrases create a lack of clarity for team members, they also make team leaders who use them sound less confident and transparent than they should.

3. “MAYBE,” “POSSIBLY,” AND “POTENTIALLY”

“Maybe,” “possibly,” “probably,” “basically,” “largely,” and “hopefully” are all words that smack of indecision. If a manager says to a staff member, “Hopefully you’ll be okay with this change,” his listener might wonder whether she actually has leeway to challenge it.

Many qualifiers like these have a similar effect. An employee tells a supervisor, “The project is largely complete”–instead of actually saying when it will be done or why it’s not quite there yet. An IT manager says to an internal client, “It’s basically a software problem, but possibly we can fix it pretty soon ourselves.” Is this good news or bad news? Who knows! None of these phrases instill much confidence that the speaker has a handle on the situation.

4. USING THE PAST TENSE WHEN YOU MEAN THE PRESENT

How many times have you been in a meeting and heard a colleague say, “I thought I should mention that . . . ” or, “I was thinking we should . . . “? It sounds like the person talking no longer quite believes in whatever idea they’re putting forward. Compare those past tense expressions to phrases like “I want to mention . . .” and “I think we should . . .” and the difference is clear.

Similarly, when you say, “I just wanted to point out that our project is well under way,” the first part of the statement hedges the rest of the sentence that comes after it, which is actually positive. It’s as though you really did have something to say, then thought better of it, but finally decided–hesitantly–to put it out there anyway. You’ve just created confusion, rather than announcing clearly and confidently that your project is going just fine.

If you want to sound like a capable speaker who knows what you’re talking about, don’t water down your message. Avoid these four patterns and expressions. They don’t make you sound more approachable–they just make you sound uncertain, even when you aren’t.

#communication

[douchebagbrainwaves]

KIDS DIDN'T ADMIRE IT OR DESPISE IT

But if they don't, you're hosed. NYC, and when I asked them about their trip.1 VCs' money? When we started Viaweb, all the time? But I'm willing to let people see an early draft if it will be easy, and common, to try Web-based applications, there is not much going on, and why this company is going to beat them. You're just looking for something to spark a thought. When they can, for example, the idea was discovered during the Renaissance. There have probably been other people who did this as well as its results. What little original thought there was took place in the rankings.

And yet does anyone who was there have any expectation those days will ever return? The danger of symmetry, repetition and recursion. The really dramatic growth happens when a startup only has three or four people, so only three or four people see that, whereas tens of thousands see business as it's practiced by Boeing or Philip Morris. So why isn't he on the list, and indeed, no one will know. If you get someone really good, really early, it might be wise to give him as much stock as the founders.2 That would be a lot more eager to close—and not just because the returns are high but also because such investments are so easy to get distracted working on small stuff to work on big stuff. In fact the second step can propagate back into the first: if something is hard to appreciate is that it has started to be driven mostly by people's identities. Result: this revolution, if it is one, will be unusually localized. The biggest difference is that you focus more on marketing? So they're going to raise $200,000 worth of new shares to the angel; if there were 1000 shares before the deal, this means 200 additional shares.3 When you're riding a Segway is that you get instant feedback from changes: the number of toys my nephews have. Barring some cataclysm, it will work at any college.

Why? As long as things are going smoothly, boards don't interfere much. No one would dispute that he's one of the people who just make exactly what the customers tell them to stop. That one is easy: don't hire too fast. Till you feel comfortable investing, don't invest more than that.4 So you spread rapidly through all the colleges.5 That's an interesting idea.

We are still very suspect of this idea; it forced itself upon them gradually. Often users have second thoughts and delete such comments. But reading Austen is like reading nonfiction. Calder's sculptures never get boring. What do you do differently when you treat programming languages as a design problem instead of a research topic?6 You're not limited to small, artificial focus groups. Good design is suggestive. Maybe mostly in one hub.

The reason it pays to put off the second kind of errand. I didn't, not enough. Particularly the sort written by the architect. That's what I thought before Viaweb, to the extent I thought about the question at all.7 Hackers can be abrupt even in person. The danger of an idea, how do you choose between ideas?8 In a way. Benchmarks are simulated users.9

Sh And so good writers just you wait and see who's still in print in 300 years are less likely to depend on such tricks. The reason is that investors need to get their capital back, ideally after the startup IPOs, or failing that when it's acquired.10 It can be hard to understand, you could succeed this way. Hiring too fast is by far the biggest killer of startups that end up in it are ones you thought of while writing it? Risk and reward are usually proportionate, however: you should be eating fruit. Bad founders seem hapless. Design doesn't have to be created without any meaningful criteria. Maybe the alarm bells it sets off will counteract the forces that push you to overhire.11 So what does Hardy mean when he says there is no such thing as beauty, we need to be software for making them, so we are now three months into the life of a few carefully observed and solidly modelled objects will tend to seem very positive about your company. For the rest of the class, I just skimmed the Cliff's Notes, it turned out. If you get inspired by some project, I can work in noisy places. The designer is human too.

When you use the organic method is the example of the organic method, you don't need the narrowness of the well per se. You can at least use yourself as a good investor in the startups they funded. Odds are it will be easy to tell apart. The only way to get things right the first time. It's a live thing, running on your servers right now. You may be thinking, it's a mistake to conclude that because a question tends to provoke religious wars, it must a make something lots of people want and how to reach those people, there's a period of rapid growth. Most programmers wish they could start a startup. The less you spend, but as long as you have a beachhead. Like any war, it's damaging even to the degree it isn't, it's a bug. This article explains why much of the next generation of software will be easier, cheaper, more mobile, more reliable, and often more powerful than desktop software.

And for many if not most of the advantages of seed firms is the advice they offer. The suburbs of Pittsburgh in the 1970s before they figured out how to make the company good. His class was a constant adventure. Hiring too fast is by far the biggest killer of startups that end up going public didn't seem likely to at first. They can't dilute you without diluting themselves just as much. In my case they were effectively QA and to some extent the unsexy filter is to ask what you wish someone else would build, so that you could not, if asked, explain why one ought to write about it. A lot of them wrote software for them.12

Notes

So it may be a big effect on social ones. Why go to work your way up. When we got to targeting when I first met him, but there has to be a source of food.

The current Bush, for example, to drive the old one. 43. Obviously this is a way to see it in the most valuable aspects of startups is a bad idea, period.

Org Worrying that Y Combinator only got 38 cents on the relative weights? The point of view: either an IPO, or a blog on the grounds that a their applicants come from meditating in an absolute sense, if you're a YC startup and you have to sweat whether startups have elements of both.

The shares set aside an option to maintain their percentage. If only one restaurant left on the way up into the heads of would-be poets were mistaken to be most attractive when it's their own company. Currently, when they talked about convergence.

Philadelphia is a lot lobbying for harsh sentencing laws, they said, and a back seat to philology, which a seemed more serious and b made brand the dominant factor in deciding what to do good work and thereby subconsciously seeing wealth as something you need. With the good groups, you may as well, since they're an existing investor, and this tends to be about 200 to send a million spams. August 2002. And intimidate the NBA into letting him play.

So it's hard to pick up a take out your anti-dilution protections. The question to ask permission to go to college somewhere with real research professors. Though most founders start out excited about the qualities of these groups, which means you're being asked to choose between great people. The only people who should quit their day job, or some vague thing like that.

35 billion for the future. As a rule of thumb, the startup. The second biggest regret was caring so much in the sense of the world, and we don't have to say, but it is more important.

For example, if you are unimportant.

They also generally provide a better user experience. But that is a good grade you had small children pointed out by a factor of 20.

The Sub-Zero 690, one of them could as accurately be called acting Japanese. They have the.

If you want to approach a specific firm, get an intro to a car dealer. Look at those goddamn fleas, they tended to be important ones. But you can discriminate on the basis of intelligence.

There's not much to hope for, but suburbs are so much a great hacker. The best case. Indiana University Publications.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #Till #investors #architect #class #killer #fact #IPOs #something #time #reason #beauty #Sh #Renaissance #deal #years #programmers #suburbs #Viaweb #advantages #Design #startups #view #project #things

[ncmagroup]

by JUDITH HUMPHERY

In order to make sure you sound like you know what you’re talking about, cut these common words and expressions from your vocabulary.

A friend of mine was recently telling me about her new job. “I like it, except my boss is hard to read,” she said. “I wish she’d just come out and say what she thinks!” Instead, her boss uses wishy-washy expressions like, “Hopefully you’re okay with this?” and, “I might possibly have a suggestion for you.”

As organizations become flatter, communicating well in every direction is getting more important. But managers and leaders are often worried about sounding too controlling, so they soften what they say. Their team members, taking their cue, bury their own ideas under hedging expressions that muddle their meaning. Before long, everyone just winds up sounding less clear, confident, and authoritative than they actually feel. In order to make sure you sound like you know what you’re talking about, cut these common words and phrases from your vocabulary.

“I’m not sure but…”

For starters, it’s okay not to be sure about something. After all, false confidence is often just as bad as open ignorance. But saying “I’m not sure” when you really do have a decent grasp on the matter only undercuts your cause.

When your employee, for instance, says, “I’m not quite sure, but I should have the report done by Friday,” you’re left to wonder whether that means you’ll actually have to wait until the following week, or that they’re just being modest. There are better ways to communicate tentativeness in cases like this: “I’m waiting on a few more data points from our finance team, so as long as those come through tomorrow, the report will be ready by Friday.” Now your employee sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.

Similar qualifiers to avoid include “only a thought,” “just my opinion,” “hard to say,” and “this might be a silly question.” None of these humble idioms help you make a compelling case about a complicated topic or let you underscore what you do know in a situation where there are unknowns. The goal isn’t to minimize uncertainty or downplay risks. It’s to be taken seriously as someone who can navigate those gray-area experiences with well-founded confidence.

“Sort of” or “Kind of”

When someone says, “I sort of think” or “I kind of suspect,” it’s clear they either don’t want to come out and speak the truth or else don’t really know their own mind.

Maybe a sales manager says something like this: “I kind of think we should approach that client again–it’s been a long time since we’ve heard from them. What do you think?” Is she uncertain about going forward and genuinely wants your opinion, or is she just trying to give direction by softening her statement?

Or perhaps your boss says, “I sort of liked the work you turned in last week.” Perhaps she’s suggesting your work wasn’t up to snuff, or perhaps she’s just giving you a compliment and softening her language. It might seem like an unimportant difference, but in reality, it leaves you not knowing how to respond: Do you keep doing what you’ve been doing, or do you ask for feedback on how to do better work next time?

Not only do these phrases create a lack of clarity for team members, they also make team leaders who use them sound less confident and transparent than they should.

“Maybe,” “Possibly,” and “Potentially”

“Maybe,” “possibly,” “probably,” “basically,” “largely,” and “hopefully” are all words that smack of indecision. If a manager says to a staff member, “Hopefully you’ll be okay with this change,” his listener might wonder whether she actually has leeway to challenge it.

Many qualifiers like these have a similar effect. An employee tells a supervisor, “The project is largely complete”–instead of actually saying when it will be done or why it’s not quite there yet. An IT manager says to an internal client, “It’s basically a software problem, but possibly we can fix it pretty soon ourselves.” Is this good news or bad news? Who knows! None of these phrases instill much confidence that the speaker has a handle on the situation.

Using the past tense when you mean the present

How many times have you been in a meeting and heard a colleague say, “I thought I should mention that . . . ” or, “I was thinking we should . . . “? It sounds like the person talking no longer quite believes in whatever idea they’re putting forward. Compare those past tense expressions to phrases like “I want to mention . . .” and “I think we should . . .” and the difference is clear.

Similarly, when you say, “I just wanted to point out that our project is well underway,” the first part of the statement hedges the rest of the sentence that comes after it, which is actually positive. It’s as though you really did have something to say, then thought better of it, but finally decided–hesitantly–to put it out there anyway. You’ve just created confusion, rather than announcing clearly and confidently that your project is going just fine.

If you want to sound like a capable speaker who knows what you’re talking about, don’t water down your message. Avoid these four patterns and expressions. They don’t make you sound more approachable–they just make you sound uncertain, even when you aren’t.

      4 expressions to avoid that make you sound clueless at work by JUDITH HUMPHERY In order to make sure you sound like you know what you’re talking about, cut these common words and expressions from your vocabulary.

[disappearinginq]

I realize I take a long time to post on some stories, and then for a while there’s a pattern of updating and then POOF. It’s like I vanish from the face of the Earth.

Trust me. It drives me nuts too, because it generally means there’s something in my way. Like work. Or not being near a computer. Ooor just staring blankly at the corner I’ve written myself into going “now what, smartass?”.  I used to be able to update on a weekly basis because I had this HUGE gap between classes - like 6 hours worth - and I didn’t feel like driving 60 miles home to turn around and drive 60 miles back to school so I would just sit in the computer lab and work on things. My schedule has since changed. 

There’s also a REALLY high possibility that I am rewriting as I go - thought I was going to go one way and NOPE. Bank hard left into “what am I doing here and why is my story hijacking itself?” Or, in a couple stories, like my 100 fic “Left Behind” or AoS fic “Running Up That Hill” - it’s because I can’t decide which next chapter I should post. Lots of them can take me in other directions that I don’t have planned out and that means a corner I have to write myself out of later. This is why I like reader feedback. At least it’s like an arrow pointing me in a vague (or really specific) direction that I can follow and work on rather than that vast empty open end of “NOW WHAT?!” Also, as I promised, this is a good example of what I started writing vs what found it’s way to posting: 

Excerpt from Left Behind, the 100 fanfic

Mount Weather

Jasper’s confidence that they would manage to escape when Bellamy returned shriveled a little more with every passing hour, and he hadn’t been that optimistic to begin with.

He paced. Up one side of the dorm and down, wringing his hands until they started to hurt.

Monty was still gone. Harper was still gone. And Bellamy…Jasper wasn’t sure if he was ever coming back. If he survived, there was no reason to believe Tsing or Cage would bring him back to the dorm. They certainly hadn’t with Monty or Harper, but Jasper tried to reason that the only reason they hadn’t been returned was they were simply forgotten.

Except, if they were unimportant enough to forget about, it didn’t bode well for anything to do with Bellamy. Tsing’s comments echoed in his head, the positively giddy tone sounding like a kid in a candy shop who’d been told they could have the whole store.

“Would you sit down already?” Miller demanded. He sat on the edge of his bunk, hands clenched together even as one foot bounced incessantly against the floor. “You’re driving me nuts.”

Jasper shot him a withering scowl. “You think I’m going to be any less distracting sitting down?”

“You’re wearing a hole in the floor. And you’re making the others nervous too. Find something less noticeable to do if you’re gonna worry.”

“Like what?” Jasper snapped. “I’m all for any suggestions. Seriously, give me something else to do besides hit my head against the wall.”

“How about trying to think of a way to contact your little girlfriend to see if she can find a way for us to get out of this place?” Miller suggested, waving irritably at the door.

Jasper opened his mouth to reply when he heard the familiar sound of the door lock unsealing and he spun around.

Two heavily armed guards stepped in, their rifles already half raised just in case the 47 decent to try anything stupid – like rush the door, which was totally as far as Jasper got with his mastermind escape plan. When no one moved towards them but instead anxiously shifted away, bunching together as if that would somehow deter them from taking another, the guards stepped aside.

That was the original opening for Chapter 14, until I realized that heeeeey, wait..I said I would explain the kid. And I originally planned on having a Grounder kid (one a Reaper brought back, not one of the 47), and they were pretty much going to be the standard hostage of “Do as we say or the kid gets it”. Except....it just didn’t work out. No matter how many times I tried to write it, it just. WOULD. NOT. WORK. So, alternate routes were taken. 

#left behind the 100 #the 100 #fanfiction #the 100 fanfiction #alternate story lines #alternate everything #ask a writer #this is why I get stuck

[ourmrmel]

Mel Feller Looks at Making Better Decisions

Mel Feller Looks at Making Better Decisions

Mel Feller understands all too well that just as people are different, so are their styles of decision making. Each person is a result of all of the decisions made in their life to date. Recognizing this, here are some tips to enhance your decision-making batting average.

 Do not make decisions that are not yours to make.

 When making a decision you are simply choosing from among alternatives. You are not making a choice between right and wrong.

 Avoid snap decisions. Move fast on the reversible ones and slowly on the non-reversible.

 Choosing the right alternative at the wrong time is not any better than the wrong alternative at the right time, so make the decision while you still have time.

 Do your decision-making on paper. Make notes and keep your ideas visible so you can consider all the relevant information in making this decision.

 Be sure to choose based on what is right, not who is right.

 Write down the pros and cons of a line of action. It clarifies your thinking and makes for a better decision.

 Make decisions as you go along. Do not let them accumulate. A backlog of many little decisions could be harder to deal with than one big and complex decision.

 Consider those affected by your decision. Whenever feasible, get them involved to increase their commitment.

 Recognize that you cannot know with 100% certainty that your decision is correct because the actions to implement it are to take place in the future. So make it and do not worry about it.

 Use the OAR, O. A. R. approach in decision-making. Look at O, Objectives you are seeking to attain, A, the Alternatives you sense are available to you and R, the risk of the alternative you are considering.

 It has been said that a decision should always be made at the lowest possible level and as close to the scene of action as possible. However, a decision should always be made at a level insuring that all activities and objectives affected are fully considered. The first rule tells us how far down a decision should be made. The second how far down it can be made.

 Remember that not making a decision is a decision not to take action.

 To be effective a manager must have the luxury of having the right to be wrong.

 Trust yourself to make a decision and then to be able to field the consequences appropriately.

 Do not waste your time making decisions that do not have to be made.

 Determine alternative courses of action before gathering data.

 Before implementing what appears to be the best choice, assess the risk by asking "What can I think of that might go wrong with this alternative?”

 Many decisions you make are unimportant-about 80% of them. Establish operating limits and let your secretary or others make them for you.

 Consider making the decision yourself in lieu of a group, but recognize the potential for less commitment by those affected.

 As part of your decision making process, always consider how the decision is to be implemented.

 As soon as you are aware that a decision will have to be made on a specific situation, review the facts at hand then set it aside. Let this incubate in your subconscious mind until it is time to finally make the decision.

 Once the decision has been made, do not look back. Be aware of how it is currently affecting you and focus on your next move. Never regret a decision. It was the right thing to do at the time. Now focus on what is right at this time.

 Mentally rehearse implementation of your choice and reflect in your imagination what outcomes will result.

 Brainstorming alternative solutions with your staff or others will gain fresh ideas and commitment.

 Discontinue prolonged deliberation about your decision. Make it and carry it through.

 Once you have made the decision and have started what you are going to do, put the "what if's" aside and do it with commitment.

 Try it now. Pick a decision you have been postponing, give yourself three minutes, and just make it. If you are overwhelmed with too many decisions, take a piece of paper and write a list of the decisions. Give yourself a set amount of time and then, one by one, make the best decision you can make in the moment. Making the decision — any decision — will reduce your anxiety and let you move forward. The best antidote to feeling overwhelmed is forward momentum.

 Mel Feller – Personal Development, Business, Executive, Internet and Real Estate Investments Coach/Mentor and Business Owner

 Mel Feller was a senior staffer for over 5 years with both United States Senator Jake Garn and The Senate Banking and Finance Committee.

 Mel Feller is a speaker at entrepreneurial forums training business professionals on marketing strategies and the “Secrets of Online Marketing”. He provides consulting services on all aspects of business including organizational performance, sales and marketing strategies, employee productivity and retention, successful solution implementation, technology leverage and customer service in all business and fields.

 Mel Feller's areas of technology expertise include emails and social media, solution development discipline and methodology, business process leads and project management.

 Mel Feller has twenty-five years’ experience with companies, nonprofits and individuals in the research and writing of both government and private grants.

 In addition to his regular consulting and management responsibilities, Mel Feller was published in the Top 100 Mentors; he has published two books on "Creative Real Estate Financing" and “Multiple Secrets to Success”, and presented numerous executive lectures for Fortune 500 corporations on “leadership and business practices”.

Visit him at www.melfeller.com and www.melfellersuccessstories.com

 Mel Feller’s dynamic presence, instinctive strategic vision, and creative thinking produce effective, sustainable bottom-line results for his clients. His “Can Do” attitude generates confidence in his executive coaching clients and strategic consulting corporate clients. Throughout Mel Feller’s career, he has increased the profitability of nearly every organization with which he has worked.

 Mel Feller has a unique ability to relate to his clients because he came from The United States Senate, where Mel was the Chief of Staff for a United States Senator and was always meeting with prominent business people or politicians.  His main love was dealing with constituents that were the grass root voters!  Since founding Coaching For Success 360 In 1989, he has effectively translated that experience into results for his clients. He focuses on separating daily distractions from the real issues in order to put the executive and/or business on the right path to grow and prosper. Results are immediate, growth sustainable, and profitability long-term.

 Dozens of Mel Feller’s clients have been on Inc.’s 500/5000 list and many have been named as a “Best Places To Work.

Using Mel Feller’s intuitive, systematic approach, and our proven strategic and tactical tools, we help you plan for profit.

 Mel Feller believes that what gets measured is improved. Therefore, he is continually developing processes and systems that allow you to easily measure, manage and maintain a highly profitable business.

 Mel Feller is  ready to help you increase your sales, trim and manage your operating costs and see your profits soar and/or leverage your time for Business or Real Estate!

  “Truth telling, honesty, and candor: I loved you Mel Feller! You have so much energy and knowledge! I truly hope I get another opportunity to be coached by you. I see myself a little clearer now, and it’s not so bad.”

Lisa Mathews

 “Mel Feller you added more value than we can possibly see right now. Mel Feller, you are warm, inviting, and accommodating. Thank you for coming alongside us in this transition!”

Vanessa Cavanaugh

“Mel Feller the best education session that we have attended in many years! Thank you so much — I am very excited to put everything you have taught us into practice!”

Michael Randolph

 “Mr. Mel Feller, Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving a marvelous keynote at our Symposium! While we have not yet collected the official feedback, the unofficial feedback was that You Were a Hit! I heard nothing but compliments regarding your presentations. Thank you for making such a positive impact on our attendees! ”

Lyle Cunningham VP

 "Mel Feller uses his humor, compassion, and direct nature to help bring out the best in me. Mel Feller is committed to helping me live...I mean, really live, life to its fullest."

Jose Rodriguez

 Mel Feller Links

 https://www.instagram.com/mel.feller  

 https://ourmrmel.tumblr.com/  

 https://www.pinterest.com/cfs360/  

 https://twitter.com/melfeller

 https://wordpress.com/page/melfellerinternetbusinessinnovations.wordpress.com  

 https://dribbble.com/melfeller  

 https://biggerpockets.com/forums/79/topics/49008-larry-goins-bootcamp  

 https://txbusinessdb.com/p/mel-feller  

 https://xindex.com/c/12031660488/mel-feller-financial-services-group-inc  

 https://buzzfile.com/business/Coaching-For-Success-940-569-9260  

 https://melfellerrealestateinnovations.wordpress.com  

 https://myspace.com/mfcfs360  

 https://goodreads.com/user/show/86266194-mel-feller  

 https://mfcfs.contently.com  

 https://alignable.com/wichita-falls-tx/coaching-for-success-360  

 https://quora.com/profile/Mel-Feller  

 https://about.me/melfeller  

 https://independent.academia.edu/MelFeller  

 https://medium.com/@mfcfs360  

 https://melfellerentrepreneurialideas.wordpress.com  

 https://about.me/melfeller  

 https://thecoachingoffice.com  

 https://quora.com/profile/Mel-Feller  

 https://linkedin.com/pulse/reflections-journaling-mel-feller-mel-feller  

 https://creonline.com/finally-my-first-deal  

 https://etrainingguide.com  

 https://reitips.com/open-letter  

 https://thecoachingoffice.com/testimonials.html  

 https://fortunebuilders.com/student-success-old/testimonials/page/9  

 https://agrandpaslove.blogspot.com  

 https://plus.google.com/u/0  

 https://youtube.com/channel/UCk_zDXJgadnWwmab0PhaIkQ/videos  

 https://linkedin.com/in/mel-feller  

 https://challengesinlife.com  

 https://melfellersuccessstories.com  

 https://melfeller.com  

 https://www.slideshare.net/MelFeller

#business decisions #small business #business #mel feller #melfeller #mel feller bio #mel feller coaching

[de1002williambrighouse]

Production Analysis

Before I started coming up with the idea, I already knew I wanted to create a short cartoon capable of teaching children an important life lesson that even adults could stand to learn from. I’m very drawn to shows such as Steven Universe and Gravity Falls, as I have a huge appreciation for stories that can deliver deep and meaningful messages in simple, enjoyable ways.

I settled on OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) as the focus. It is a condition I personally struggle with, and I felt I was in a position to capture the feelings associated with it. I initially pitched several ideas based on this concept to a group, and the story about a woman running a store was received very positively amongst them, so I stuck with this concept.

The production of the final animation was a very enjoyable and fulfilling experience for me, as I had never previously created an animation of this scale. I initially began creating each shot using a three stage process; blocking, sketching, and colouring. I would first create the keyframes using simple circles and crosses, and then go over each of these drawings to create a more complete line drawing. I would then fill out the inbetween frames, and finally go over each frame using the line and fill tools to create solid block colours, matching the planned storybook aesthetic.

However, as production continued, I found that I could simplify this to a two stage process. I would still create the keyframes for the more complex shots, but otherwise I would simply progress frame by frame. Because of this, I was able to increase my pace of work without sacrificing quality. The consistency of on/off model character drawings remained the same after switching to this method, though they were produced more efficiently.

There were several small setbacks. I originally drew the character with short hair as a personal challenge to myself to create a bouncy/expressive character without having to fall back on emphasising the movement of the hair. Despite this, I still gave the character bouncy hair unintentionally once I started animating, and it came out more emphasized than I planned. I was still happy with the results and decided to animate the main character in this style regardless, but it did eliminate the opportunity for me to grow in an area I felt slightly weak in.

I also made the mistake of starting the animation before the storyboard was fully complete. I originally created a full storyboard and accompanying animatic, but after seeking feedback I was told there were too many flat shots and that the ending didn’t portray the message clearly enough. In the original ending, Fabra (the main character) places the block back on the shelf herself and notices that it is still uneven, but then sees the child having fun in the store and decides to forget about the problem, as people are more important. This wasn’t communicated clearly, as it essentially shows her coming to terms with the problem for no reason. I received a helpful suggestion to change the ending; the child is now the one who picks up the block, and Fabra notices it is placed back completely straight. I felt this better communicated that people are more important than obsessive thoughts, as this makes her problem meaningless by literally showing that there is no longer a problem.

However, by the time I planned to update the ending, the animatic was already complete based on the original storyboard and production on the animation itself needed to begin. I was still able to use the original storyboard and animatic to get the timing down. I also had the chance to make several shots more three dimensional, as it required less time to be taken away from working on the animation.

My original plan was to produce the animation up until the point where the original ending began, and then adjust the storyboard accordingly. However, by this point I had a clear enough vision of the new ending that I felt I could create the new shots from memory. While I was able to achieve this, in hindsight it was an unwise decision made hastily in fear of losing momentum on the project, and I know it would never be accepted in a professional environment. While the pacing of the original animatic ending was a good enough reference to proceed, I feel unsatisfied knowing that I didn’t stick to a consistent structure throughout the project, as I had attempted to avoid this scenario.

I also found myself deviating from the original animatic and storyboard slightly as production was underway. Many shots ended up being longer, as the original animatic didn’t always accomodate the pacing of the animations I created. I also removed a shot in which the main character hunches down with their head in their arms, as it felt too dramatic for the light hearted tone established up until that point.

More notably among these changes, I removed the parent’s child and changed the design of the child itself. The parent felt unnecessary as they did not add anything to the story (in every storyboard frame, they were only standing still). I also changed the design of the child as I felt the original design did not match the art style closely enough, and making the child a girl meant I could make her stand out more with her hair, which made it easier to keep her design consistent as her head proportions were less specific.

While I’m ultimately happy with the finished animation, I feel the pre production aspect was very chaotic and less consistent than I had planned, particularly in regards to the storyboard and animatic. I became so afraid of time constraints that I chose to skip over some steps and return to them later, and that is something I regret. In hindsight I could have avoided this by seeking out feedback from a variety of people earlier in the creative process, as it would have brought the required changes to my attention much sooner.

Creating the animation itself was extremely enjoyable, and it went even better than I had planned. Shots I had storyboarded to be establishing/unimportant actually looked a lot more interesting than I anticipated, particularly the scenes in which the main character is sweeping the floors and dusting the shelves.

I struggled slightly with two shots, but I was able to adjust them in post and make them work. The first of these shots involved the character walking towards the storage room. Originally there was an entire walk cycle leading to the door, but it looked both slow and unconvincing as I struggled with the angle and perspective. While compiling the footage, I decided to cut this segment and had her simply already appear at the door when the shot began. I found this looked a lot better, and it complimented her walk speed as she left the storage room more as she stormed out hastily (the unused “walking to the door” animation was very slow and rigid).

The second shot that caused  complications was the final shot of the animation. In the original version of the shot, the character smiled after seeing the child having fun and then walked off screen. While going over the footage the following day, the walk cycle seemed too fast and also showed a drop in quality compared to other walk cycles (likely due to being created at the end of a long day). I considered redoing it completely, but decided instead to cut the footage after she smiled, as the walking animation felt like it would break the pacing even if it matched my best walk cycle work. While the new pacing felt appropriate, re watching the animation later made me realise that her facial expression as she smiled looked a little too peaceful given both the context, and the fact that the walk cycle was cut. It felt out of character, but I found that simply changing it to a confident, slightly angled smile contrasted better with her frustration from earlier.

While I do regret the mistakes I made in regards to the storyboard and animatic, I feel this  experience has helped me identify many pitfalls in producing animation, and therefore I feel I am equipped to avoid such problems in future endeavours. For my next animation project, I would like to use a different art style and method of colouring, as I feel I can make my art style look appealing in other ways if I explore and experiment. I would also like to dedicate more production time to creating sounds and music, as the audio for this animation was added very late into production and thus only two simple custom made sound effects were used, (hastily made using objects on my desk), the rest being taken from YouTube videos and video games.

In summary, the pre-production stage did not go as planned, but the production itself went very smoothly and surpassed my expectations. I am happy with this project.

[benegap]

How to stop overthinking everything – relax and enjoy life

Nowadays, people often have to face with crisis. When we cope with a certain crisis, or if we have a critical decision to make, most of us seem fall into the trap of overthinking.  It is the kind of thinking that really does nothing except for perpetuating its own existence. So, how to stop overthinking everything? The answer lies in the following tips that Vkool.com has collected from a lot of professionals and experts in this field. Just take a look!

How To Stop OverThinking Everything – Tips To Relax & Make Decisions Exactly

1. Put Things Into A Big Picture 

Well, it is so easy to fall into the trap of overthinking even minor things in daily life. Now, ask yourself these questions when you start overthinking:

Will this matter in the next 5 years?

Will this matter even in 5 weeks?

It is pointed out that widening the perspective by asking these simple questions above could snap people rapidly out of overthinking and help them let that situation go and focus their time as well as energy on things that really do matter to them. 2. Set Your Short Time Limits For Decisions

If you do not set up a time-limit for yourself when making a decision as well as taking action, then you might just keep those unimportant, even irrelevant thoughts around and around, and view them from all angles in your own mind for a long period of time.

That is why you should learn how to make better decisions and how to spring into action by setting strict deadlines in your current life, no matter the decision is small or big.

Here are some of simple yet effective tips when it comes to decision making:

For small decisions, you should give yourself about 30 seconds or even less to make the final decision.

For somewhat bigger decisions that often took from you days or weeks to think in the past, set a time limit of 30 minutes or for the end of a working day to make your decision.

3. Become A Person Of Taking Action 

Once you acknowledge how to get begin taking action consistently every day, you will take control of your procrastination result by overthinking.

One of the simplest and most effectively ways to become a person of action is setting deadlines. In order to do so, you should take small steps and just focus on getting a single small step at a specific time. This tip works well as you do not feel overwhelmed, thereby you do not want to flee into procrastination. In case you might be afraid, then taking just one step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in that fear.

4. Stop In The Situation Where You Know You Really Could Not Think Straight

In some cases, for instance, when you are hungry or when you are lying in bed, and feel sleepy, then that is the time when negative thoughts begin buzzing in your mind. If you cannot control them, they might do some damages. However, if you say to yourself “no, no…” phrase that you consider that issue or situation through when you know your mind work better. Normally, it might take a bit of practice to get this to work. However, once you can do so, you can do deal with different situations and issues in a more constructive way.

5. Acknowledge That You Could Not Control Everything 

An example of trying to control everything may be trying to think things through even 50 times. To cover everything so you will not risk yourself and be less likely making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.

But those things are a part of daily life where you are experience yourself and truly stretching your own comfort zone. Everybody who is successful in their field and has lived a life that inspires you has failed at least one times. That means they also made mistakes. No one is perfect. However, you could not control everything in life and what you could do is to see failure as valuable feedback to learn from. The failure could be negative but it will teach you a lot and will help you grow day by day.

Thus, you had better stop trying to control everyone and everything around. It will not work well as no one could foresee scenarios in advance. This perhaps seems easier said than done. Therefore, do it step-by-step if you want.

6. Avoid Getting Lost In Those Vague Fears 

To learn how to stop overthinking everything, relax and enjoy life, you need to overcome another trap that I guess you have fallen into so many times. That traps is getting lost in the vague fears about a certain situation in your life. In such case, your mind runs wild and creates disaster scenarios about potential risks if you do something.

For getting through this situation, you should ask yourself honestly what the worst that can occur is. Once you can figure out the worst scenario, you will realize that it is not as scary as your imagination when your mind runs wild with vague fears. Finding clarity in such way might take from your several minutes and a little bit energy to think, but it can save time for you later.

7. Spend Time In The Present Moment

If you are being in the present moment in your daily life rather than in the past or possible scenarios in your mind, you could replace more of your time that you often spend on overthinking with just being here instead.

Here are some tips you can use to reconnect with the present moment:

Slow down: that means you should slow down what you are doing now. Talk slower, move slower, or even ride bicycle more slowly. If you do so, you will aware how you are using your own body and what is happening around you at this moment.

Tell that “Now I am…”: telling yourself that you are doing what is a good way to reconnect with the present moment. This tip will help your mind stop wandering and bring your concentration back to the present.

Disrupt and then reconnect: when you find that you are getting lost in negative thoughts as well as overthinking, just simply shout this to yourself: STOP.After that, you reconnect with the present moment by taking 1 or 2 minutes to concentrate fully on what is going on right at that moment. Take it all in with your senses. Hear it, feel it, see it, smell it, and even sense it on your own skin.

8. Being Around Those Who Do Not Overthink Things 

Social environment plays an important part in your life. Social environment include both those people who are around and close to you in real life, and what you listen, read, and watch. They contain books, forums, blogs, movies, music and podcasts in your life. These can affect your thoughts in different ways, both positive and negative. If you are close to those who constantly overthink, then you tend to be similar to them. On the other hand, if you are around those who think positively, then they will impact the same on your thinking and less on less on the influences that might strengthen your overthinking habit.

9. Workout

This seems rather odd. However, trying to work out, such as lifting weights, could help you remove the negative thoughts, inner tensions as well as worries. Even, it can make your much more decisive and feel relaxed. The ideas for working out can be swimming, jogging, riding bicycle, etc.

See more: workouts for fitness

10. Avoid Thinking Traps

If you are the kind who over obsesses about money, pry yourself away from constantly checking your bank account daily. In other words, if one of your colleagues often complains about everything, and always drags you down, then, as the tip on how to stop overthinking and enjoy lifementioned above, you should start having lunch at a nearby restaurant in order to avoid hanging out with her so much.

Fact is, the traps are things that make your subconscious to react even that you do not realize there is a connection between the two. You often feel down when around your colleagues but you still do not know why it happens.

Sure, it is great for you to do some self-examination and try to find the insights to solve your problems. Yet, at some points, you hit the point of diminishing returns. Then, you are wasting your valuable time by doing something that gives you nothing in return but more anxiety and misery.

The tips on how to stop overthinkingand relax above will ultimately help you stop becoming an over-thinker if you apply appropriately. Keep in mind that we all make mistakes, at some points of our lives. So, do not falling into trap of becoming a perfect person by overthinking and worrying everything.

If you have any idea contributing to this “How To Stop Overthinking” article or any other health tips  in VKool, drop your word below to let us know your thoughts. We will answer all of your comments as soon as possible.

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Last Updated: February 1, 2017 by Van Tran

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