#she treats me and percieves of me as if im neurotypical and Im Not

[dandy-lad]

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#i need to be away from here #gott i just... #im autistic right just fyi #and my mum does not treat me as if i were #like she has neurotypical standards for me which i have to meet otherwise there will be Bad Consequences #and this is killing me bc im not neurotypical #the only way she'll treat me as autistic is if i get officially diagnosed #which i kinda want but also dont want #and its just. she's. gott my relationship with her is so complicated but shes caused me so much hurt and trauma and pain and #thats what im feeling right now. that. #i should get a diagnosis for me not for her #but i dont think i can survive in this environment for much longer #i told my dad i might try get diagnosed (havent talked to him about autism before) n he was like “okay” #pretty much verbatim #which is realistically the best response i couldve had #then he went on a rant about how autism “didnt exist” in the past and how its caused by vaccines #and this drug which apparently helps with autism and when i said No im not doing that i dont want to be “cured” this is a thing that #shouldnt be cured he was like ??? then whyd you want a diagnosis #hhhh but that i can deal with. after 4 years of being subjected to his and my mums conspiracy theory bullshit i can put up with it #at first it really stressed me out but i can cope with it now and come up with well thought out and factual grounded counter arguments #n i told my mum that dads fine with me getting a diagnosis n then i asked her if when i get one she'll treat me as if i were autistic #and she laughed and was like wait until you get one #like she doesn’t think i am which shows how Fucking Little she knows about me and how much i have to hide from her #because shes always shouted at me for Every Autistic Trait i display #im never fucking good enough for her #she treats me and percieves of me as if im neurotypical and Im Not #i remember once (after something happened) i heard her shout “WHY CANT I HAVE FUCKING NORMAL CHILDREN” or something like that #that sticks with you. #that shit hurts and sticks with you #who gave this woman two queer autistic mentally ill children to raise who's fucking plan was that

[writingbrainrot]

Hey does anyone who has aspd have tips for how i can best communicate with bio dad who has undiagnosed aspd.

I am audhd and also a system with c-ptsd/ctx

Unrelated to the aspd symptoms that i personally think bio dad very clearly shows, he tends to also end up toxic due to the childhood trauma he went through.

I could explain to bio mom who has bpd why what she was doing was hurting me after a lot of effort and heartache because her neurodiversity manifests so that her emotions are how she processes and understands the world.

Bio dad enters his shell/becomes defensive at any "stop that" or "no" which triggers my SA trauma so it ends up escalating and i end up getting really serious autistic meltdowns.

It's almost like he has emotional responses to the world but tries to logically pick that apart but has a boatload of alexithymia.

I can't figure out which communication method will make him "listen to me to understand instead of listen to me to respond because unless i explicitly ask for a response, then i don't need one, especially when i am upset and dysregulated and crying" (yes i've told him that i need him to do so in these words, this is a paraphrasing quote that i've tried to write accurately)

Because from what i can tell his fight or flight or freeze gets mildly activated at any percieved critique and then he treats me like a threat and in the past compared me to his abusive mother despite me being his underage child at the time which struck me as odd and is why i remark on it. He seems to still be doing that but just like then he denies accusing me of being a bully or thinking of me as a threat. Despite his body instantly changing, his tone going very short and aggressive, starting to insult and raise his voice etc etc which i conclude is him being defensive.

But as i'm sure you understand i need to be able to tell him "hey stop, you're hurting me" and he stops instead of trying to debate if he has actually hurt me (which i have also expressed he shouldn't do as that causes things to escalate for me)

So the tldr is:

What communication method/script works best? Ik one person with aspd is only one person with aspd and doesnt represent the whole neurotype but i have literally no insight into how this neurotype processes the world, thinks and feels compared to my neurotype so i need something, anything, to start bridging the gap/translating what he is saying to smth i can understand and translate what i want to say into smth he can understand.

Why i'm bridging the gap instead of going low or no contact is because i am disabled and physically dependent on him atm, as soon as i get a chance to change that i will but atm im incapable of doing so. Ik this sitch is horrible for both of us but i literally have no other option than try to make it work atm/ctx

#aspd question #aspd #if there is nothing to do because of his trauma responses/shitty mental health system then i accept it #but i literally have nothing to lose in asking #sorry if this seems to add stigma #i tried to phrase this as fairly as i could and leave my emotions out of it as much as possible but i'm unable to succeed because of #how emotionally affected i am at the moment #also i am pretty sure he doesn't have autism but he deffo has adhd even if the dick therapist won't diagnose him #mental health #help #pls help