#should I do a mpd/did thing for Keith?

[public-trans-it]

#talking to myself

I want to elaborate on that last post a bit.

So, for context, I have DID/OSDD/MPD/am plural/whatever fucking nuanced way you want to refer to it, I do not give a shit. I'm not a fan of the word "Plural" tbh, mostly cause it has horrible Search Engine Optimization and makes researching more about it harder than it needs to be, but also fuck the DSM. I'm getting off topic. I got multiple bitches living in my head, is the important part.

But one of the big things other systems have told me is to try setting up a private discord of just myself, and something like pluralkit/tupperbox and just... start talking to myself in it. This really helps people with solidifying their identities and drawing clear lines between them, as well as overcoming amnesiac barriers that are common to systems.

That... does not fucking work for me. I can't journal. Between dyslexia and executive function, it is very hard to put my ideas into written form, and when I CAN manage it, I would much rather those efforts go into things more personally important to me, like my game design documents. Plus, I don't have much of an amnesiac barrier. LSD is fucking awsome. If you are plural you should try LSD. Even if the trip that got rid of my amnesiac barrier went VERY VERY BAD, that one miserable night was still a MASSIVE increase in my quality of life. Highly recommend. Getting off topic again.

Point is, I can think conversations faster than I can write them, so why the fuck would we sit there waiting for one of us to finish writing before we respond to it? Written form just kinda gets in the way.

So, after some discussion with my psych about what I actually want out of my plurality, and what benefits certain exercises like that even bring, I was able to narrow down exactly what I want out of it.

I WANT to be able to be open about my internal experience with others. I think being loud and proud about the weirdest parts of yourself is important because it allows similar people to see that and feel less alienated for being weird in the same way. Shout out to Keith Ballard's coming out video for that one.

I WANT to be able to further define parts of myself and keep a firm divide between my alters to prevent them from merging back together or dispersing entirely, all while promoting more conversations about it.

What I DON'T want is people assigning me value and treating me differently based on who is fronting at any given moment. I sure as fuck don't want to create any expectation that it is somehow ANY of your business which alter you are talking to.

So, while we all have names, you will not be learning any of them. Instead, I'm just gonna start posting internal conversations that i find funny or insightful, like that previous post. I'm going to just be using the same rules as movie extras, and will just be labeling them as "Alter 1", "Alter 2", etc, in order of appearance in the conversation. Alter 1 in one post might be Alter 2 in another post, and vice versa. This will help us remain anonymous and make sure we all still just get treated like Ceetee.

If this sounds really annoying to you, I'm gonna start tagging those as "#talking to myself", and also posts like this one that talk about my experiences with DID/Plurality as "#talking about myself". Blacklist as needed.

#talking to myself #(not really but relevant to have in the tag) #talking about myself

[minatsuki-on-main]

for the character thingy, koku! (tho u already talked abt keith/koku i wanna see ur opinions on koku only)

(Ask meme)

What I like about them: He’s really morally grey. I like it when protagonists aren’t obviously good people and have their own faults. His resilience to suffering and how passionate he is about the things he cares for are also good things about him. 

What I dislike about them: 

“YUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

Christ, dude. Calm down.

I’m also a bit mad that he had no second thoughts about how shitty the reggies’ lives must have been and kept killing them off indiscriminately. I’m not saying it would have fit the plot for him to act any differently, but still...

Favourite moment: Maybe this is a bit of a morbid choice but when he attached his friends’ limbs to himself. It was great to see he would push himself that far.

Least favourite moment: The fight against phantom Minatsuki. It’s still hard for me to watch. I know he needed to defeat him but my gut feelings can’t take it...

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more: If he ever used his eye for anything we haven’t seen in the show, and also how he got to the point where his guilt was eating him up so much he had to erase his own memories. I have a thing for mind manip themes.

An interesting AU for this character: At one point Bananas45 on AO3 wrote a music school AU and I was particularly happy Koku was in it since he can play violin in canon. 

A crossover: This really comes out of the blue but Dofus/Wakfu universe and he’d be an Eniripsa because his transformation sort of looks like that. Maybe Osamodas too because that’s even more similar, but I feel like Eni powers and personality would fit him better. 

OTP: Haven’t left keithkoku hell and won’t anytime soon.

Other ships: Kokuyuna is, again, just a thing that exists, and it would be hard to explain what I think of it... I get the vague feeling that if it was overwhelmingly popular and people started bugging me that I should ship it I’d start disliking it, but that’s not something that can happen in a fandom this small, so right now it’s just more of a funny thing to me. They’re both kids who are maladapted to the world and probably a bit socially awkward so that’s entertaining. Koku/Izanami is just very tragic from being one-sided and the main reason I’d support it would be to make Izanami happy. Laica/Koku is just sin but I’m not gonna deny that it has appeal at this point. Nothing wrong with Minatsuki/Koku either but it would probably make Laica so dead inside I’m reluctant. Oh, also, I know Kirisame/Koku is gonna be a thing in s2 and I can totally get behind that, but it really depends on what they do with it.

BROTP: With Lily. Cute adoptive siblings.

NOTP: I’ve had horrific visions of what it would look like to romantically ship him with Lily. No and thank you.

An assortment of headcanons: 

He likes being in pretty places, especially if they’re quiet and there’s nobody else there, both in nature, like woods and fields, or nice views of Cremona. Yet another reason he’d like going on trips a lot, during Spring or Summer in particular; it’s pleasantly alive and unlike what he remembers the weather being during the Jaula Blanca attack. 

Expanding on this; he generally likes silence. And quiet people. He really doesn’t mind Lily talking a lot, but it gets too much sometimes.

He’s not completely in his right mind when he’s fully transformed, also because it usually happens when he’s really upset. It’s a bit like having zero control of your own actions, while they’re still yours, as in it’s what you would want to do, but it doesn’t feel like you’re the one doing it. 

He hears his friends’ consciousness a lot inside. It can get outright MPD-ish.

He drinks coffee with a lot of milk and sugar and it makes Keith feel personally offended because it ‘desecrates it’.

Once the s1 plot is over, he starts getting really interested in all the research behind his creation and things they did at Jaula Blanca. He spends his free time looking into it, it’s like a journey of self-discovery. 

#ask meme #anon #ask #koku #Anonymous