#so what I'm gay and wil not apologize for being so

[therend]

Did I ever tell you about that time my extremely homophobic parents chose a legendary queer name for their child (=me)?

I once wrote about how pronouns in Persian are not gendered, and it means you can simp about your same-sex love interest without lying or having to come out. Well, it's not the only occasion these pronouns are extremely helpful for ✨the gays✨. For example I have written many queer stories and sent them to official writing competitions for school, and no one has suspected anything because I usually don't use names in stories. Note that almost any kind of queerness is illegal here, and I have had my share of trouble in school because of it. But even though I am usually very clear about, for example, the gender of my characters, as clear as you can be without saying it, no one in charge ever thinks I write gay because – well, heteronormativity, baby.

But I'm not the only one who – intentionally or not – does this. If you ask any random Iranian to name three poets, "Hafez" would definitely be one of the names they give you, most likely the first. We know a lot of his poetry by heart, and reading his works is an important part of many holidays and celebrations. Even though a lot of the times, the "lover" he talks about is obviously a woman, most of the times it's just as obviously a man. It's more than just implied, it's clear as day, and you just need to open your eyes to see it. Which, people don't. I don't remember the exact words, but I do remember a Persian literature scholar write something like we're lucky Persian pronouns are not gendered, or else everyone would know how queer this whole thing is.

So let's get into my name. Negar means beautiful artwork, but at some point in the history of Persian literature hopeless romantic poets (including Hafez) used it so often as a pretty way to call their lovers that now it's also known to mean lover, or beautiful beloved. My parents intended to name me something else, but then, a few days before I was born, they opened Hafez's poetry book randomly, three times in a row, and each time, they saw a piece of poetry in which he was calling his lover Negar. I'd like to believe it's because, no matter what others keep telling me, God knew that I was going to be hella queer, and was totally alright with it. This is how I got my name. My parents, of course, didn't notice the queer content.

Another thing about it is that the word itself is gender neutral, and a lot of the times it's used for things other than people. Other than the meanings I've said so far, it also means "to paint", "to write", "to create", "to make art" in general. When Hafez used it, he used it to describe men, and for a long time, it was natural to call beautiful men Negar. Now, it's perceived as a girl's name, and my parents chose it for me because they believed I was a girl. If I didn't love my name this much, I would have loved to change it to something like Rock or Sock or River, but I do. I think its history fits the genderfluid/genderqueer person I was born to be perfectly. :)

#I once again find myself ranting about this #I'm pretty sure I haven't said any of this here before; so at least there's that. #but a lot of my friends would scream if they see me talking about this again wlsjkaksj #so what I'm gay and wil not apologize for being so #Persian #language #Farsi #Hafez #dark academia

[emo-and-confused]

Headcannons based on @cb28 ‘s “ceo of many hotels tommy and hotel receptionist tubbo” au art (includes dysfunctional sleepy bois) (awesamdad)

-techno, wilbur, and tommy are phil’s kids

-(the three kids are adopted, techno was adopted when he was five, wilbur was adopted when he was four, and tommy was adopted when he was seven)

-techno is older than wilbur by two years and wilbur is older than tommy by eight years

-phil is this rich businessman. techno is some powerful leader. wilbur is a famous songwriter.

-then tommy owns a hotel

-he's still like 16/17 but he owns and manages it

-techno is the oldest therefore favorite and heir to whatever money and property phil owns

-tommy is least favorite. phil ignored him.

-then one day phil just gave him money and said "stop being a disappointment" so he started his hotel at 15

tommy: i’m going to build a hotel in rage

-then best friend tubbo who works there and is nice to tommy

phil: oh, theseus, my son. come, i was just telling my companions about your ho- who is that?

tommy: this is tubbo.

tubbo: hello :)

-wilbur being the normal brother and treating him like a normal person and taking him and tubbo to hang out and be kids

wilbur: tommy, let’s go get ice cream

tommy: wilbur, ive got things to do, paper work and, and shippments and-

wilbur: tommy.

tommy:

wilbur: let’s go. bring tubbo.

-tommy feels like he has to prove something to phil

-he also feels like he might be able to earn attention from him. that if he works hard enough phil will be proud of him

-wilbur’s music is what makes phil pay attention to him, but when he was a kid phil said his music was never going to be a stable source of income and actively encouraged other future job choices. this only made wilbur more focused on his music

-both tommy and wilbur feel the need to prove themselves

-tommy meets sam when starting up his hotel, and immediately gets attached

-sam is basically his guide, even after building the hotel. sam saw the child and went “yeah he needs parental guidance” and continued to stay in contact with tommy

-tommy is the one who gives sam the creeper mask. because sam is always working on construction and stuff and he's always inhaling debris and tommy likes minecraft so he gives it to him. sam adores it and wears it all the time.

-tommy totally calls him sam nook

sam: hey tommy! just building your hotel. i do need some more things for construction though... could you ship them over to me?

tommy: y'know this reminds me of a game my brother made me play over the holidays...

sam: ... uh,,,, what?

tommy: animal crossing! that's it. you're totally tom nook.

sam: alright, tommy.

-[over emails]

]Mr. Danger Careful Innit,

Could you supply more building materials?

Sincerely, Sam Nook

]Mr. Samuel Nook,

sure.

Sincerely, Tommy

-sam gets a very official hand written contract (the same one as the lore)

-he gets it and just goes with it (there’s a more real contract but tommy values his handwritten one more)

-sam signing it and tommy cheering and immediately going to text phil

sam: and... there you go! signed. :)

tommy: really??? ... YES!!! LETS GO!!! (calls phil and tells him)

-then tommy hanging up and smiling, then looking back over to sam.

tommmy: (clears his throat) um. my apologies. that was very unprofessional. thank you very much, sam.

-tubbo is the receptionist for the main hotel in the chain, (the one tommy is constantly at) but he basically becomes sort of a manager

-tommy sends him off to do multiple jobs throughout the day, and tubbo does them with only little complaint

tubbo: you know i’m not room service right?

tommy: i don’t remember asking

tubbo, already holding the room order: this isn’t my job tho-

tommy: and yet here you are, doing the job

-tommy pays him more than everyone else though, but tubbo doesn’t know that because tommy won’t let him see the usual staff paycheck

-tubbo is half a year older but his parents are constantly away on buisness trips so he is often home alone and has to take care of himself

-tommy is not good with showing his affection, the only one in his family to do so was wilbur. phil just kind of threw money at him on holidays and ignored him the rest of the time, and while techno was a lot more attentive to him, he wasn’t the best at affection either

-when tommy started making money with the hotel, (how very successful hotel chain), to show tubbo he cared he just started offering to buy him things

tommy, upon finding out tubbo likes bees: you know i could buy you a bee sanctuary if you’d like?

tubbo: tommy no-

-tubbo teaches him that money isn’t the only form of showing you care. it’s a long process

tommy: so you’re saying i shouldn’t buy sam a private engineering lab for his birthday?

tubbo: i know for a fact sam wouldn’t know how to accept such a gift and that he’d rather you close the hotel for a day and take him to play laser tag

tommy: ...okay but what if i do that and buy him a private engineering lab?

tubbo:

-the dream team are bell hoppers.

-tommy gets hate for being that young and successful

-the dream team are like “stfu i'm proud to be working for a very successful 16 yo how dare you" and go off on every rich person who says something about tommy’s age

they're still streamers. they just don't tell tommy. (tommy totally knows tho, he’s a 16 year old kid who plays minecraft and animal crossing, ofc he knows they’re video game streamers)

dream: hey tommy-

tommy: yes? is there a reason you're barging into my office?

dream: .. is that... animal crossing music? are you playing on a switch?

tommy: no!! i'm signing very important and legal documents!!! if you have nothing to say, get out!!

dream, to sapnap and george: he’s totally playing animal crossing.

-tommy makes them greet people at the doors and carry peoples bags purely because they’re famous. they don’t know this though

-they don't think tommy knows. tommy and tubbo think it’s hilarious. tommy hints it all the time that he knows but they just think he's being a kid

-quackity is on sam’s building/contracting team

-even after the hotel is built, q comes in to "check up" on the building with sam. and they "make sure nothing is going wrong with the building"

-they really just want to make sure tommy is okay under so much pressure

-wilbur totally has tubbo’s schedule and knows when tubbo’s on break, he can usually be found with tommy in tommy’s office

-wilbur will just barge in and be like “okay let’s go, you need a break”

-one time wilbur came in while sam and quackity were there

wilbur, barging in: kay, tommy, tubbo, let’s-

sam, mid lecture with tommy: you can’t keep doing this!

quackity, also scolding: you need to take a break, man.

tubbo, who noticed wilbur come in: wil! tell tommy he needs to go to bed and sleep! he hasn’t slept in twenty seven hours!

tommy, from his desk, with his head in his hands and leaning over paper work: i’m being ganged up on.

-wilbur instantly likes sam and quackity, because they care for his little brother (he totally has a rivalry with them though, he was there first, and tommy’s actual brother)

-the main hotel in the chain is sometimes used as an international meeting place for big companies and politicians

-more than once has phil or techno needed to stay for a few nights due to major meetings with powerful people

-it’s kind of awkward sometimes because tommy’s the hotel chain owner and since he’s based at the main hotel, he sometimes needs to greet the people going in for meetings

tommy: good afternoon, madam secretary

tommy: good afternoon, mister minister

tommy: good afternoon... *awkward cough* ...technoblade.

-or since he’s the ceo of a big name company, he sometimes has to attend big rich people galas that he hates

tommy: tubbo i literally hate these types of places, when can i leave, when am i allowed to to leave

tubbo, who is tommy’s plus one and moral support: dude i don’t know, i didn’t grow up rich

tommy, who grew up talking care of himself when wilbur wasn’t there: yeah well technically neither did i!

-and his father is a business man..

tommy, faking confidence and striding across the room: tubbo, i have no idea what i’m doing-

phil, from a table a few feet away, calling him over: theseus!

tommy, slowly turning around to see phil with a bunch of other rich people: fuckkkk-

-tommy makes sure everyone calls him tommy and not theseus

[in an interview]

interviewer: so theseus-

tommy: it's tommy.

interviewer: ... alright, tommy. would you like to address the rumors going around of your boyfriend?

tommy: huh??? oh, you mean tubbo? no, we're just best friends. and that's weird. i'm a minor.

interviewer: are you gay, though? we've never seen you date any women.

tommy: no, i do date women! all the time!!

-tommy being legally named "theseus watson" but calling himself "tommy innit"

-wilbur is legally “wilbur watson” but only ever goes by his stage name “wilbur soot”

-they both totally end up changing their names. legally.

-tommy saying i hate men because he just hates his father

-tommy getting scandals and controversies all the time but just by the upper class

-everyone else loves and adores him and knows he's literally just a 16 yo kid so that kind of stuff is a joke and he can say that without getting in trouble

-tommy will be in his office and tubbo will be at the front desk and sometimes tommy will just yell “TUBBOOOOO HELP MEEEEE” if his laptop crashes because Tubbo Tech

tommy: [during a meeting] oh, tubbo's clocked in for work.... TUBBOOO!

tommy: he's gonna come in here. surely. he'll go "hellœ?" surely. he'll walk in here...

tubbo: [walks in the room] hellœ?

-phil still has no idea who tubbo is

wilbur: yeah, i’m going to go check on tommy and tubbo

phil: ..the receptionist?

wilbur: ...

wilbur, internally: also your sons best friend but yeah sure, the receptionist.

-techno is lowkey fond of tubbo

-techno notices how tommy is clinging to tubbo at parties and galas all the time so he tries to get tommy to talk about him

-he likes that tubbo is there for tommy and totally resonates with the chaotic energy the two create

-sometimes when tommy can’t get tubbo in to the parties/galas, and techno is there, tommy will hang around him and steal his things

-like taking his wallet so techno will have to go back to the hotel afterwards and visit tommy

-he does it for attention. 

-tommy lives at the hotel. it’s not technically legal cause he wasn’t emancipated from his family and he’s only 16 but they’re rich so people don’t really say anything

-technically he still has a room at phil’s place, but he stays in a room at the hotel. when designing the place, he made sure to map out an area for his living space

-tubbo takes naps in his room

tubbo: i'm gonna go take a nap in the break room

quackity: there is no break room??

tubbo: yea there is. on the top floor. with the giant door.

quackity:... isn't that tommy's room???

-tubbo sometimes stays the night with tommy, when his parents have been on a business trip for over two weeks. he still goes to in-person school so he usually only stays on weekends during the school year

-tommy does online school, and forces himself to get his schoolwork for the week done over the weekend so he can focus on the hotel and other responsibilities

-he fakes having the “lmao i'm better and have more money also you don't play minecraft" mentality towards other kids and claims that’s why he does online

-it’s actually because he doesn’t have time to balance everything and he was bullied in the past so he switched to online school as soon as he started his hotel

-sometimes tubbo helps him with his classes tommy is overworked. like, in his off time. he has the passwords to tommy's computer so he just goes on it and does some of his school work

-tommy ranting to tubbo about how he hates his dad and how he said phil was gonna visit him the next day

-phil arriving and asking tubbo (because he's the receptionist) where tommy is. tubbo saying he doesn't know and that he left. even though tommy is literally in his room

-phil tries. he just doesn’t know how to parent. techno was 17 and wilbur was 15 when he adopted tommy, and he just got busy enough and forgot how to take care of a child

-tommy knows if he talks to phil, it’ll be awkward and phil will just try and buy him off (not intentionally, it’s just how business men be working, yknow)

-tommy just wants to prove himself, to both himself and phil. and hes using his hotel to do that

———————

fanart that was posted with @cb28 ‘s work

(i got permission to post this)

#tommyinnit #tommyinnit headcanon #tommyinnit headcannon #clingy duo #mcyt au #hotel au #sleepy bois #dysfunctional sleepy bois #mcytblr

[grrlinthefireplace]

Hi Claire, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your panel @ UD but I particularly enjoyed when the question about how to deal with people who think getting deeply involved in a TV show/fandom is weird or a waste of time. When you said something along the lines of "I think people who are interested in things are interesting" it really hit me emotionally as I'm always worried about being the weird or boring person in my non fandom friendship circle especially as I get older.

*cont* It may have just been a small comment among a lot of others but it was something I really needed to hear and it help shape the rest of my Unity Days experience. So yeah I just wanted to say thanks!-----------------------Oh, I'm so glad! I think that is really important and that was such a great question from Casey that we felt like it was important to end on that note. It felt like the whole theme of the con was contained in that question - like we are all here because we love a thing a whole lot, and maybe it's hard to explain that love to everyone else in our lives who don't get it, but here in the fandom we all have that thing in common, and that's why I think starting hate over ships is so absurd. Because the thing we all have in common is that we love this show. Wil Wheaton once answered a question on his blog where someone asked him how he defined the word "geek," because someone had used it against them as an insult, and he basically said that a geek is just someone who likes a thing a whole lot. Maybe you're a sci-fi geek or or a history geek or a board game geek. Maybe your thing is antique stamps or maybe it's Broadway musicals. But the best, coolest people are the people who are brave enough to love a thing openly and earnestly. Cynicism and sarcasm aren't brave. Irony isn't brave. Shitting on stuff other people like isn't brave. When you say "I love this thing," you open yourself up for someone else to scoff and sneer and tell you that your thing is lame and you're wrong for liking it. I was a Star Trek kid in the 80s and 90s, before sci fi became hip again, back when I had to hide the things I liked - fantasy novels, writing poems, Dr. Crusher - from everyone at school because I got mocked so bad for it. I was a pathologically shy and introverted kid who hardly talked (something my friends now would have a hard time believing). There were no internet fandom communities like this then. The communities that existed were hard to access and male-dominated. I didn't have a safe space like this. But when I went to college, I found my people. Gays who loved sci-fi. Jane Austen nuts who knew all the words to Les Miserables. People who liked things I had never heard of, like indie films from Mexico and Philip K. Dick novels and Euripides plays. And they gave me permission to love the things I love and not apologize for that. And after that, after I stopped caring what the bitchy popular girls thought about the life-sized cardboard Han Solo in my room or whether I would ever be "cool" if I would rather read on the couch then go to a frat party, I started looking for friends who also love the things they love, and they were all the best people. My college roommate squad includes one guy who is a science nerd about baking, a classical music composer who loves Star Wars, and a sociology major who is obsessed with the Pee Wee Herman movies. She and the baker got married last year and we all walked in to the Jurassic Park theme song. @reblogginhood has a PhD in 18th century English literature and can talk for hours about Jane Austen. I sat in on one of her classes once when she was teaching "Carmilla" and it made me remember how my favorite teachers were always the ones that you could tell just really, really, deeply, nerdily love the thing they're teaching. The writer Donald Miller says "Sometimes you have to watch someone love something before you can love it yourself. It's as if they are showing you the way." Anyway, I stand by the thing I said and I'm so glad it helped you because it has helped me too. I'm 35 and life is too short to pretend you don't love the things you love because of what someone else might think of them. And that can be hard, outside of fandom, where people maybe don't understand. And that makes safe spaces like Unity Days all the more important because no one there gave a crap about ship wars. We were all just so happy to be having that communal experience. And i think trying to cultivate that in our online world is important too. Lots of hugs to you, my sweet friend. Keep loving the things you love. It's already making you a more awesome person.