#something about him essentially shouting at the top of his lungs 'WHAT'S SO 'HUMILIATING' ABOUT LOVE'

[fideidefenswhore]

Hi! I understand if you don't feel like sharing it ,but i really would like to read your meta about that Henry/Anne scene in BSR ''Isn't that enough?''. I hope you have a nice day.

"is it enough for you?" , but yes, i actually elaborated on this a little more elsewhere in other tags because i used that shot of that scene again for another edit.

so, expanding where i left off:

the images chosen are more the vibe for the quotes but the one from BSR is very specific

it's a great scene and it's so well-acted bcus she feels BAD for him here.

she pities him. she feels bad for him because he's losing her bcs she's not going to settle for these terms

because she knows she's amazing

and she's so self-posessed in the scene

and he cannot handle this and so it manifests in the reaction(you're making a big mistake; except that is his own big projection)

she's willful and knows her worth and won't diminish herself for anyone

...and i chose the reaction from the scene bcus it's not necessarily at odds with these descriptions (of her 'prudence')

bcs it takes a lot of dignity and self-worth and inward grace to stand one's ground enough (to withstand the 'tide of their prince')

...to give that rejection that by all social and cultural norms and graces she was simply not supposed to give. or was at least supposed to couch in more self-effacing terms.

but yeah anyway i know people thought BSR was 'trashy' but i actually thought the acting and chemistry between them was really great and maybe even lifted the writing from its weaker points.

because just the way he reels back at the line 'is it enough for you?' in all its pity-wrought glory...firstly, because it seems like it's a question no one has ever thought to ask him before, and secondly, so it gives way into that transformation from the shock into anger (how a 'lesser' person is daring to pity him, how he doesn't want her pity, he wants her love) which is just...chef's kiss. she absolutely obliterates his dignity here, not only in her rejection but in this eloquent explanation as to why this is her answer, and in the finality of her conviction. it is delicious. they could have this scene anywhere, in this darkened staircase for its the tudors copycat setting in this lithuanian palace, or on a fucking greenscreen, and it would still be just as powerful if these were its actors.

(im realizing that if anyone who is reading this hasn't watched they're going to think i'm an insane person based on this description... so hopefully the actual beats of the scene below will reveal what i mean, lol:

there's also a compelling subversion of (modern) expectation here, because...the only different thing in this equation is the status of the man asking to love her, asking why love is 'not enough'. for most 16c women of anne's status, no, 'love' wasn't enough. security was preferred. and, actually, it's very anachronistic how much this opinion is villianized (see, tobg:

...when it's like...yeah, a man's love was considered worthless. if it wasn't, they wouldn't have considered betrothal contracts to be a necessary evil!). it's very easy for him to say that she would 'want for nothing' (households, jewels, etc, one assumes), and she isn't allowing his ease: she's contradicting him, and pointing out that there is little security in the position of royal mistress.

herein lies the constant counterfactual moralistic tutting: anne 'should've just become a mistress,' always paired with 'this would, in the end, have made her 'safer.'' and it would have, as we know (not anne), but it would also, as she points out here, likely lead into her being a nonentity (a voice on the pillow, a woman hiding underneath the sheets and behind the bed curtains, an ornament for dancing), and she didn't want to be one: she wanted to be partner and collaborator of her future husband, not the diversion and darling of someone else's.

tl;dr the scene is powerful because she feels bad for him (she feels bad for herself, too, but she only allows him to see the former:

#redrosesandcharmingsouls #something about him essentially shouting at the top of his lungs 'WHAT'S SO 'HUMILIATING' ABOUT LOVE' #as he humiliates himself. for love. and so tries to leave with the final word. #and then still comes bounding back (by implication. the next MORNING?? ) like a fucking boomerang #all like step 1: failed. #and her asking why he would ask for something which diminishes them. why would he only want half a life with her? #doesn't he want more? it's a challenge but she's not expecting him to take it literally #she's asking why did you ask that of me? do you want me to think less of you? #do you think so little of me? do you think so little of yourself? don't you want more for yourself? #and it's the perfectly written question for these two people. from her to him #bcus they're both alike in that way. they both always want more for themselves #they are both always seekers #so yeah as much as i guess im alone in this opinion #i think this series did a really great job of like...establishing their point of connection #she's a challenge and he's a challenger.

[ksoap-ie]

‘Selfish’ // Ha-Eun

A/N: I’m back after a CRAZY two months. I suddenly felt inspired to write so here I am. It took me sometime to figure out if I wanted to write something based on shows ASTRO have been on or if I wanted to write more about Eun herself.

In the end, I thought we’d dive deeper into the mess that is Eun’s family and I’m telling you, it only goes downhill from here. I hope you enjoy! 

“Let’s take 5 guys.” Jinjin says, laying on the ground, arms spread out. Ha-Eun sits on a bench. She brings her water bottle to her mouth, only for it to be empty. 

“Hey I’m gonna go fill up my water bottle. Anyone else need refills?” She asks, to which the boys respond with a chorus of grunts. MJ stands up and offers to help out. The pair gather everyone’s bottles, walk out the room and head down the corridor, towards the fountain. They get halfway though filling the bottles up, when Eun’s phone rings. She takes it out her back pocket, seeing the caller ID as “DAD <3″ and then answering the phone.

“Hi Dad, what’s up?”

“Hi darling, I’m just calling to say that I’ve got some news!” 

“Oh really?” She asks, tightening the lid of Moonbin’s bottle “What’s going on?”

“Your sister is getting married! She’s been telling me it’ll be next year in January, and they’ll be going to Spain!”

“Oh wow, that’s great! I don’t think I’ll be able to make it though. We’re preparing for comeback in February so I’m going to be really busy soon. Tell Areum congratulations for me though! I’ll give her a call tonight.”

“Can’t you just opt out? Everyone is expecting you.” 

Ha-Eun begins to frown, and switching her phone to her other hand, she replies, “You know I can’t do that, I’ll struggle so much if I get behind.”

“It would do no harm in asking your managers.”

“Dad, please.” She sighs, rubbing her forehead.

“Fine, whatever. Did you send your paycheck to my account yet?”

Upon hearing this, Ha-Eun’s mouth falls open and she stumbles, almost dropping her phone. 

“Are you not going to work? I can’t, Dad. I can’t keep asking the boys for help because I don’t have enough money to look after myself.” At that, MJ tilts his head in concern, mouthing an ‘are you okay?’ at her. She nods, and listens as her Dad inhales sharply.

“Are you kidding me Eun?! You’re an idol for god’s sake. How damn hard is it for you to earn money and help your family out? You poor mother is sick, and I’m the one who’s got to look after her. Would it kill you to stop being so selfish and help out for once?” He spits. 

Feeling her vision go blurry, Eun puts down the bottle and turns away from Mj. 

“Sorry, you’re right.” She begins. A tear manages to slip out and she quickly wipes it away, “I’ll send you the money right away but I’ve got to go now. I’ll speak to you later, send everyone my love.”

With red eyes and a big smile, Eun back round to MJ. She picks up some water bottles and gestures for them to walk back. His eyebrows are creased and eyes filled with concern but regardless, he follows her back to the practice room without another word. 

When they get back, Ha-Eun passes the bottles back to their owners and sits back on the bench. Hands buried in her head, hair covering her face and thoughts corrupting her brain. 

He’s right, I am selfish. What kind of daughter am I if I can’t provide for my family? I probably won’t be able to pay for rent but maybe if I ask the boys for some extra chores, they can give me some cash. Or maybe I can sell some of my stuff-  

“Okay everyone!” Jinjin stands up, clapping his hands, “Let’s start from the beginning.”

----------------------

Later that evening, Eun is in the kitchen, mindlessly stirring chicken in a pan as she repeats the phone call she had that day in her head for the nth time. 

The boys dragged MJ into the larger bedroom as soon as they got home. MJ, Sanha, Eunwoo and Rocky sit on the bunk beds while Jinjin and Moonbin are on the single bed. 

“Myungjun, is everything okay with Eun?” Jinjin asks, leaning forward slightly. A sigh escapes MJ’s lips, and not long after, he begins speaking.

“Her Dad called her again, I couldn’t exactly hear what he was saying but based on the replies she was giving, I think he was asking for money again.”

“Again?” Rocky’s mouth falls open, eyes widened “He’s asked every time we get paid.”

“And she’s left with pennies for the rest of the month...” Adds Eunwoo.

“Well that’s the thing,” MJ starts, with his thumb and pointer finger rubbing his chin, “It was different this time. She normally just agree’s but this time she tried to refuse. I don’t know what he said to her but I could hear him shouting. Whatever he said, she’s not happy about it and she’s still giving him money this month.”

“I don’t believe he’s using her money for essentials, it’s got to be more then that.” Rocky states, and Moonbin nods in agreement.

“Minhyuk is right, our parents don’t even ask us for money. We give it to them if we can afford it but this is outright stealing. If she’s refused then he’s aware that she can’t afford it.”

“Right...” Jinjin hums, “but if she’s refused then there’s nothing we can do about it. Let’s just figure out how to cheer her up and keep her safe for now, we can get to that issue later-”

Tap, tap, tap.

Simultaneously turning towards the door, the group is greeted with a forced grin. Since they got home, Eun changed from her dance wear into an avocado pyjama set. The top is white and the shorts are a mint green with avocados printed and spread out along the fabric. Covering the whole outfit is Sanha’s black zipper hoodie, which lands at her knees. If the situation wasn’t so dull, they’d be joking about her height, but they could only smile back and gather in the kitchen. 

Eun-Ha hands each boy a bowl filled with veggies and meat. She grabs an apple for herself and munches on it while sitting on the sofa with the rest of the group. Eunwoo immediately notices her lack of meal, and scoots closer. 

“Why aren’t you eating too?” He asks, frowning. 

“Oh, I just didn’t fancy any meat today. If I left it, the chicken would’ve gone off and I don’t want to waste food so I made it for you guys instead. I’m not that hungry either.” She shrugs and turns towards the drama playing on TV. 

“Here, at least have some fried potato,” Eunwoo offers, holding it to her mouth but she purses her lips and shakes her head. “It’s your favourite, come on.”

“I really don’t feel like it today, I had some for dinner yesterday anyways.” 

Eunwoo sighs, knowing that wasn’t the case. Sanha cooked ramen yesterday because he couldn’t be bothered to cook a full meal. Even so, he watches the drama and continues to eat his meal. 

The dinner was slightly awkward. Not on purpose of course, a joke was said here and there but aside from that, everyone was just stuck in their thoughts. 

“Okay everyone, hand your plates to me. It’s my turn to wash up today.” Eunwoo orders after standing up. He collects everyone’s dishes and then walks to the kitchen. Turning on the hot water, Eunwoo drifts off in his own world as he got to work.

“Um, hey Eunwoo. I have a favour to ask of you.” a voice whispers, gently prodding at his arm. He rotates his head, seeing Eun’s tiny figure behind him. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, I was just wondering...” With her eyes glued to the floor, Eun takes a deep breath and stumbles over her words. “You don’t have to agree to it, entirely your choice bu- but um... could you lend me some money for this week and I’ll do all your chores for you. I promise I’ll give it back when we next get paid... Oh! I’ll even let you use some of my special face masks, and I can make your bed in the morning-”

“Eunnie, you know that you don’t have to do any of that.” He places a hand on her shoulder and she responds by bringing up her gaze into his eyes. “Don’t be afraid to come to me when you need financial support, okay? I know you’ve been struggling, and it’s completely fine to ask for help.”

Her chin trembled, and a few seconds after, her gaze fell back to the ground. Nails digging into the soft palm of her hand when she clenched her fists. Eunwoo wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and slowly lead Eun to the couch, where they both sat facing each other.

She was almost still if it wasn’t for a tightening in her throat which caused her to let out short and repetitive intake’s of breath along with a river of tears to flow down her cheeks.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Eunwoo whispers, gently taking her chin in his hands. He uses his thumbs and tenderly wipes the tears spilling from her eyes. “what’s wrong Eunnie? I’m here for you, what’s wrong?”

“It’s just- I’ve just got so much on my mind.” 

“What’s on your mind Eun? I’m here to help you.”

“My Dad keeps demanding I send him money... I’m not in a position where I have money to spare but I send it anyway. I even tried only sending over half of my wages but he asked for more and I- I couldn’t say no, Eunwoo. I feel so bad having to ask for you to lend me money when it’s not something I should have to do. It’s not fair, you- you should have that money to treat yourself but it���s being wasted on me. I tried to explain that to him but he just-” She takes a deep breath, calming herself down from the rambling. “He called me selfish Eunwoo and it’s true. I’m selfish if I don’t send money to my family and I’m selfish if I take money from you guys. I’m so, so selfish...” 

Eun’s head hangs in humiliation and she clenches her fists even tighter. Blood slightly covering the edge of her finger nails and smudging along the bumps of her palm. Eunwoo takes Eun’s hand and unravels her fingers. 

“Oh Eun, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. We’ll figure something out, okay? Maybe for now, don’t answer his calls. Create some distance so he won’t be able to ask. I’ll support you until our next pay check, okay? If you need anything, ask me or one of the guys. They’re so worried about you Eun. We’re all so worried...”

She nods while concurrently sobs escape her lungs. In an attempt to calm her down, Eunwoo traces circles along her back. Eun scoots closer and lays her head on Eunwoo’s chest. Hearing the thumping of his heartbeat restores her breathing, and she listens to his hushed voice. 

“I hope you know that it’s not selfish to ask for help. It’s wrong of him to call you selfish when it’s your property. He doesn’t own it and it’s wrong of him to demand for it and then guilt trip you when you say you can’t provide it. He may be your dad but that doesn’t suddenly make him equivalent to God. The position you’re in right now, the way your feeling, the only person who is at fault for that is him so please don’t blame yourself.”

Eun nods. The pair sit in silence for a few moments before Eun turns herself around so that she can bury her face in his chest and wrap her arms around him.  “Thank you Eunwoo. Thank you so much. I’m so grateful.” 

“Anytime little one,” he ruffles her hair and smiles. “I’ll tell you what. Go grab some of my face masks, I’ll go get some hot chocolate and a first aid kid ready. We can watch a drama together, sound good?”

“Hmmm,” Crossing her arms, a frown is placed on her features. For a second, Eunwoo panics, thinking he’s suggested something wrong. Oh god, I’m sure she likes hot chocolate. I swear she had it yesterday. Or did she have tea- “It sounds good but... it would sound even better if I can braid your hair.”

Eunwoo’s lips break into a grin. 

“If that’s what will make you happy, then braid until dawn”

#eunwoo #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop member addition #astro #kpop astro #sanha #moonbin #mj #astro mj #jinjin #rocky #astro fanfic

[alex-baebae]

Immaculate

Chapter 21

Pairing: TOP X READER

The next morning we went to our apartment, the activities at the university of course we’re suspended. I called the real estate agent.

The day we returned to the city we were too tired for going to see the houses that TOP liked, then that creepy sh*t just happened. I thought that going to see houses could help TOP and me to think less about that situation.

“Sweetie, are you ready?” I was next to the main door, looking for my lipstick “almost done!” He said.

“Ready” he was in front of me “what did you put on your lips?” he asked staring at them “some lipstick” I said kind of nervous, he was so handsome “your lips look pretty” he said “a-h, let’s go, Seunghyun… Mrs. Williams is waiting for us” afterwards we drove far away.

One night, TOP told me that the place where he escaped from her was a department store, he said 'she' really needed to you know... find a toilet. He waited a minute in front of the restrooms, sixty seconds after, he ran as quickly as he could, he thought it probably would be the only chance he could ever had. He described to me that building, it was maybe at 15 minutes walking from our current apartment. The best way to avoid run into that girl was living in a faraway neighborhood.

“Hello Miss _____” Mrs. Williams greeted me. We walked into the living room of the house, the big back yard could be seen through big glasses “Do you like?” I asked him “yeah, it’s like the pictures we saw” everything was pretty big “so the furniture is included in the price, isn’t it?” I asked “of course, but upstairs there’s no furniture, because the price would be so much expensive, that’s why there are only the essentials here” Mrs. Williams explained.

We went to the main bedroom “this bedroom has a very big balcony, you can see the back yard from here, also the balcony connects this bedroom with the studio and other small room” she was explaining everything about that house “well, I’ll leave you alone to decide if this is going to be your new house” she said “thank you” we both said.

“What do you think?” I asked TOP “This is the one I like” he said smiling “so you didn’t like the other ones?” I asked again “but this has a balcony, and a biiiig back yard, the others don’t have any balcony” he pointed out “okay, then we’ll buy it” I said “W-where I am going to sleep at?” he asked, he seemed to be a little worried “here, with me” I held his hand and squeezed it “b-but if you want you can sleep alone, I’ll buy you a bed and a-“ I couldn’t complete the last word “no, I like to sleep with you”.

That night we moved to the new house, we put everything we owned in the car, even my bed which was able to compress. I used to rent furnished apartments, so there was not much stuff for taking to the new house, everything was easier.

We spent those days buying furniture for our home, we went to many stores and we also assembled our chairs that was very fun. I bought TOP more things like a better printer, clothes, many stuff for cooking, etcetera. Oh! I forgot to tell you about the checkup, TOP's body was finally completely okay, we also removed the tattoo, he was very very very happy that day. My aunt also told us it was safe to start a treatment for TOP’s skin.

“Did you take your medicine?” I asked him “yes” he said kissing my cheek “please eat healthy” he gave me a lunchbox “thank you, angel” I kissed his cheek back “I’m leaving” I got in the car, he waved and send me a kiss, I did the same.

He used to message me and to send me photos of what was he doing during the day such as the food he made, origami, the flowers of the garden… he’s so sweet.

TOP's point of view

Six months after my chest didn’t hurt again, all that time I had been talking to ____ about what ‘she’ did to me, it made felt better as she said.

…

Escape was the best decision; I was not able to endure more… My first time wasn’t a good experience, it hurt a lot but I believed it was normal, after all I was made to do whatever they want. However, I didn’t know why I wanted to cry every night, I really didn’t know why I felt bad.

When she started to take me to please other people everything became worse, most of the times they used to tell me at least one humiliating word, to spank me, to slap my face until it was all red, and... well, it was not common but sometimes they choked me. But compared to what she used to do to me… well I preferred them.

What really made me feel worse and worse were the things that one man always told me before he used my body. He talked about God, heaven, etcetera. He said many things that only made me feel dirty, worthless. That words made me to remember that I was just an object with no right to cry.

In the training they told us about life and death as something natural. The man told me that people go to heaven when they die, it doesn’t matter what kind of things they did in this live if they regretted it, they can enter but... ‘shit’ like me will never be there because, I had no soul. I wanted so much to die as the weeks went on. What will happen? the only I knew is that the pain would stop, that was enough for me, I didn’t deserve something as holy as heaven. In no time I prayed for being killed, however it was like God was not hearing me, maybe God didn’t hear to the things like me.

One day she hit me so hard that I could almost felt the death going through all over my body, inside of my heart I felt happiness instead of the horror I was used to. That day, we went to the local market I helped to carry the bags, ‘she’ saw the girl who was the seller touching a lot my hands when she gave me the bags full of tomatoes. When we arrived home she locked me in her room, I knew she was angry due to the fact that the girl at the market touched me, I sat down and hugged my legs, I was shaking and in tears, I knew what was next.

'You look so beautiful when you cry' she held my face with her right hand, I looked at her quickly she had a baseball bat, sometimes she used to hit my belly with it. My heart was beating so fast, I felt it was going to stop at any moment.

She grabbed my hair, she made me to stood up… the first hit was in my belly, of course it made me fell, then she continued hitting my arms my legs with the baseball bat, she was kicking me too, I was feeling dizzy.

When she kicked my face, I felt like I was out of my body, I couldn’t know what exactly was going on. She somehow put me on the bed, I was on my knees, everything was blurred and spinning.

I didn’t notice when she put me lube, suddenly she was raping me with the baseball bat, the pain took me back to reality, my lungs... I felt they were going to be out of my body due to the hard I was shouting. She was saying many things to me, fortunately I can’t remember well. She turned me around, all I could see barely was the celling. She was touching me a lot my body was shaking for the pain and the sexual stimulation she was giving me, I couldn’t resist more, I passed out. 'That was all, that was all’ I thought to myself as everything became dark.

I believed I died, but I opened my eyes again... I felt so sad. It was late maybe 8pm I didn’t move in many minutes. When I tried to stood up my body hurt so much… I had never felt that way. I saw my belly it was dark and covered in cum as always, but that time I peed too. ‘Why, why am I still alive?' I went to the bathroom falling many times, I washed everything away... my tears, the lube, my saliva, my cum, my pee.

I was about to change the blankets when she roughly took my arm, she took me out from the apartment, I was still feeling out of reality. 10pm I saw the time on a big screen 'did I sleep so many hours?' We were at a street near to her apartment “you have no money, and you still haven’t paid” a guy told her “yeah and I’ll pay you, but for this time you all could use this and have some fun” she moved me roughly towards that guy and his friends, I couldn’t see them well, the skin around my eyes had been becoming inflamed.

“Are you kidding? This sex-doll will be passed out in no time. By the way, where did you stole it?” that guy chuckled. I was scared, I didn't want to have sex with them all at the same time, I wanted to run away “b*tch, we need money, money! Not a sex doll which appears is going to die if I only put my d*ck in it’s *ss” I was frozen, fortunately he didn’t change his mind. “Fuck you, I’ll give you your god damn money”.

'Long time no see' ♥️ I will always love y'all, thank you for your support, your ♥️s always makes me feel better ❤️💞♥️

Alex

#choi seunghyun angst #choi seunghyun x reader #choi seunghyun #kpop x reader #kpop angst #kpop #bigbangxreader #bigbang angst #bigbang stories #bigbang #t.o.p x reader #t.o.p angst #t.o.p #kpop stories