#sorry this is really fucking stupid aksjd

[dogcollarpunk]

#cm punk #my art #sorry this is really fucking stupid aksjd #he looks so babygirl in the ses promos it makes me so unwell like I need to stuff a peice of cloth in his mouth and push him down the stair #hes so. #explodes him in my mind #maybe ill go watch that royal rumble. yknow the one

[littlespoonevan]

Gallavich + facing each other in bed, andd caressing each other's faces before falling asleep :')

sooo i don’t know if this was meant to be a prompt but i made it one lol. i’ve been wanting to write about the aftermath of 4x11 for a long time and exercise my hurt/comfort muscles so here’s my take on what happens after mickey’s coming out scene

enjoy :’)

*

The walk home is quiet, the only sound theirfootsteps on the wet pavement and their hushed breaths forming little clouds inthe air. Ian doesn’t hold Mickey’s hand, no matter how much he wants to.Tonight has already been too much without something like that pushing him overthe edge. Instead he lets their arms brush with every second step.

It surprises him though when they reach his streetthat Mickey’s the one to reach out and take his hand.

Ian looks at him but doesn’t stop walking, doesn’twant to give Mickey time to try and pull back. Mickey’s expression is hard tomake out in the dark with the dried blood still all over his face but Ian can atthe very least tell he doesn’t want him to say anything. So he squeezes Mickey’shand and tows him toward the Gallagher house.

Kev must’ve text Fiona when shit went down becauseshe’s still up when they come through the front door, sitting braced on thearmchair with a mug of what’s most likely spiked coffee between her hands. Sheflies out of her seat when she takes in the sight of them.

“Holy shit, what-“

“We’re fine,” Ian cuts in, keeping his voice low inan attempt not to wake anyone else up. Mickey doesn’t need an audience rightnow.

Fiona clamps her mouth shut though she looks like she’dmuch rather be talking. She must see something in Ian’s expression thoughbecause her eyes flicker to Mickey and then, briefly to their hands, and shenods. “Want me to call V?”

Ian shakes his head. “S’not as bad as it looks,” hepromises. “We’re gonna get cleaned up.”

Fiona nods again, hesitating a moment before shespeaks. “Terry back in lockup?”

Mickey answers this time and Ian can tell he’s tryingto joke but the bone-deep exhaustion and barest hint of anxiety evident in hisvoice makes it fall flat. “For a long fuckin’ time hopefully.”

And Ian can’t take it anymore, feels a burning needto get his hands on Mickey. To take care of him, to hold him, to salvage thishorrific fucking night. “Night, Fi,” he whispers, slipping his hand out ofMickey’s to grip his shoulders and steer him gently in the direction of thestairs.

It says a lot about how close Mickey must be tobreaking point that he doesn’t even protest, just lets Ian guide him.

Ian lets go of him once they reach the bathroom butonly to close the door. When he turns back around Mickey is standing listlesslyin the middle of the room and Ian nods to the closed toilet seat. “Here, sitdown,” he says, nudging around Mickey to get the first aid kit from under thesink. “You can take a shower in a sec, let me just clean the worst of it first.”

Mickey huffs a tired laugh as he sits down. “You finda new career without tellin’ me, Gallagher?”

Ian bites back a smile and kneels down in front ofMickey so they’re eye to eye. “Picked up a few things when Ned was getting a bulletoutta your ass.”

Mickey laughs again but it’s really more of anexhale. There’s faint smile on his face though. “Fuck, man. My head hurts.”

Ian winces in sympathy as Mickey closes his eyes –whatever the fuck Terry did to his ribs makes his chest ache with every breathso he gets it. “You think it’s a concussion?” he asks softly as he digs out theantiseptic wipes from the first aid kit, keeping one hand on Mickey’s knee –less to keep him steady and more because he doesn’t feel like letting go of himright now.

“Dunno,” Mickey shrugs half-heartedly, keeping hiseyes closed as Ian wipes the dirt and blood from his face. “Probably justfuckin’ tired.”

“Probably,” Ian agrees. “Your nose doesn’t look thatbad. Doesn’t look deep enough for stitches.”

Mickey cracks an eye open and appraises him. “Christ,Ian. Maybe you should become a nurse.”

Ian laughs, gently though – he learned his lessonearlier. “I’d get plenty of practice with you around.”

Mickey huffs again, his almost-laugh. “You want me toreturn the favour?” he asks when Ian’s finished with his face, fingers idlyfolding around the collar of the coat Ian’s still wearing.

“I’m good,” Ian assures him, swaying forward to pressa kiss to Mickey’s temple. “Let’s just shower and go to bed.”

The words look to be a relief to Mickey and he nods,letting Ian haul him up to stand again. Ian sets the water running while theyget out of their clothes, testing it with his hand before climbing in andMickey follows behind him. Ian pulls him under the spray and reaches for hisshampoo, squirting some onto his hand and reaching for Mickey’s hair.

Mickey lets out a quiet breath, closing his eyes whenIan’s hands run through his hair and Ian feels some of the tension in his ownstomach unfurl as he washes Mickey’s hair, working out the dried blood. Mickeyreaches for him at some point, seemingly intent on doing the same for Ian.

His fingers curl around Ian’s jaw at first, thumbshelping the water wash the blood off Ian’s face before he starts working on hishair. Ian’s not sure how long they stand like that until he can’t take it anymoreand closes the distance between them, pulling Mickey into his arms.

Mickey releases a shuddering breath as Ian’s armsclose around him, his own arms twisting across Ian’s back as his fingers clutchat Ian’s shoulderblades. His face is buried in the crook of Ian’s neck and Iancan feel the way his breath stutters. He knows the weight of what’s happenedtonight is finally hitting Mickey full force.

And he can’t help feeling an unbearable type ofguilt. For pushing Mickey, for making him choose, as if anything about thisentire situation has been as simple as Mickey wanting to keep them a secret. Hejust- it’s fucking irrational and stupid but it hurt feeling he couldn’t be with Mickey the way he wanted to, likethere was this whole other life being planned out for Mickey that Ian would oneday be exiled from. It’s selfish and he hates himself for putting Mickey inthis position but he promises himself he’ll do whatever he has to now toprotect Mickey, to put him first with whatever shit they’ve got coming theirway. He has to.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, carding his fingers throughMickey’s wet hair and speaking the words into Mickey’s shoulder. “I don’t knowwhat I expected to happen.”

Mickey shrugs against him, arms tightening just slightly.“Was gonna have to happen sooner or later.”

Ian pulls back a fraction to meet Mickey’s gaze, offeringhim a sad smile as he runs a finger under the cut on Mickey’s forehead. “Notlike that though.”

Mickey looks at him, a resigned look on his face ashe sighs. “Ian, it was always gonna happen like that. Whether there were fiftypeople in the room or just me and him. It was always gonna be like that. Atleast this way there were some fucking witnesses.”

Small blessings, Ian supposes.

“I’m still sorry,” Ian tells him. “I never wanted youto get hurt.”

“I know,” Mickey says, voice quiet as he leansagainst Ian. “Can we crash now? Feel like I’m dead on my feet.”

Ian nods and shuts off the water. Ian finds themtowels to dry off before going into the bedroom to get boxers and t-shirts forthem both. The only one in the bedroom is Carl, fast asleep in the top bunk.Liam must be in Fiona’s room and Ian reminds himself to thank his sister in themorning for giving them some modicum of privacy.

He returns to the bathroom with their clothes andafter changing and shoving their dirty towels down the laundry shoot they maketheir way back to the bedroom.

Mickey completely forgoes his makeshift camp on thefloor to follow Ian straight into his bed and Ian tries not to react toovisibly. Can’t believe this is actually happening. He can count on one hand theamount of times they’ve shared a bed for real. And while he wishes this wereunder different circumstances he’s going to savour the moment for all that itis.

His bed is too small for them to have much space butIan doesn’t care. By the looks of it, Mickey doesn’t either considering the wayhis legs immediately tangle with Ian’s under the covers. When they’re settledIan lifts his hand, smoothing the hair back off Mickey’s forehead before lettinghis fingers cradle his cheek.

He can just about make out the way the corner ofMickey’s mouth lifts in a smile at the touch.

They stay like that for a minute, still except forthe way Ian’s thumb brushes lightly over Mickey’s cheekbone. Then, tentatively,almost as if he’s never let himself dare try this before Mickey’s hand comes upto rest on Ian’s neck.

Ian’s too tired to grin the way he wants to so hejust lets his mouth twist up in a closed-mouth, contented smile. His eyesprobably give him away anyway.

“Did you mean it?” he whispers after a while. “Whatyou said before – about feeling free.”

Mickey tenses and Ian can tell so he keeps his thumbmoving across Mickey’s cheek, twists his legs around Mickey’s even moretightly. Tries to ground him in whatever way he can.

“Yeah,” Mickey says finally, soft and defeated.

And Ian doesn’t want him to think those words are aweakness, not when they’re the bravest thing Mickey’s ever said to him short ofwhat he’d done less than an hour later.

“For me too,” Ian says then, voice quiet and far tootender. “I’ve always felt free with you,” he explains. “Nothing’s ever made mefeel the way you do. Don’t think anything else could.”

He can feel Mickey’s eyes on him and he’s not surewhat Mickey can make out in the dark but eventually, the hand Mickey’s has onhis neck moves and curls around Ian’s jaw. In the next breath Mickey tips theirforeheads together and Ian’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest.

“It’s you, Gallagher,” Mickey whispers. “Don’t knowwhat anyone else has to offer but I don’t want it. Just you.”

Ian kisses him then because he can’t not. Just agentle press – one that he tries to infuse with as much love and devotion as hepossibly can. He doesn’t move away when he pulls back, keeps his foreheadagainst Mickey’s and the scant inch of space between their mouths. It’s barelyclose enough.

The words Ilove you are on the tip of his tongue and he wants to say them. Over andover again until there isn’t a single doubt in Mickey’s mind. But there havealready been so many confessions tonight he’s not sure if either of them cantake much more.

So instead he touches Mickey’s bottom lip with thetip of his thumb, then the corner of his mouth where a barely-there smile stillsits and whispers, “Night, Mick.”

Mickey’s fingers run through his hair before trailinghis cheek until they finally find their way back to Ian’s neck and fall torest.

“Night, Ian.”

*

#gallavich #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless #dancewithyoutoday #my fics #asks

[blackmoldmp3]

3am sadposting sorry. god it got long ANYWAY aroace trauma posting under the cut. some gender shit too

like the gender thing sucks irl. i know the general public is never going to respect this part of me. my family is probably never going to get it. im probably never going to look the way i want. but the thing is that even though Most Straight Cisgender North Americans are going to at best be confused/disbelieving and at worst be. u know. violent. at least when it comes to the gender thing theres a sizeable amount of people who’ll back me up in the queer community. who’ll respect this part of me.  u know.

but like when it comes to ace shit or whatever people are just meanspirited! theyre weirdly hostile. its so bizarre and like even if they allow u to like. seek community bc of other parts of ur identity that they deem worthy they still dont want you to be proud of or even express the ace part. its like ur inclusion is provisional. and as a teen straight out of a traumatizing situation that i was still blaming myself for bc i thought i was just bad and there was something wrong with me i actually cant express how damaging that was and kind of still is lmao! it has consequences its not just sequestered to the online experience. if it doesnt personally affect you its possible for you to just drop it when you get too mad or whatever. but for people it does personally effect it has real consequences! it really fucked me up and i feel like i cant talk about it bc letting vitriolic debate about an important and sore part of my self effect me emotionally is stupid and/or funny

anyway the aromantic thing is even weirder bc people a: dont think about, b: dont want to think about it, and c: it just means youre evil anyway. and if ur aromantic but also have sex it means ur supremely extra evil. and the extreme weird part of this is that like. this part doesnt even bother me that much. because people just dont want to confront it, it makes them uncomfortable in a different way that isnt easily deflected into harassment or cringe comedy or whatever. so they just ignore it! which is easier on me even though this part of my identity caused me so much personal grief when i had my high school relationship bc i was oh fuck this means im evil. theres something seriously wrong with me. its bad and wrong and evil that i cant reciprocate these feelings and it means im a Bad Partner who is doing harm. while the ace thing was like ‘oh im just an insufficient partner and i just need to like try harder and also let her do whatever bc i dont want to hurt her feelings and last time i brought up even the word ‘asexuality’ she got clearly upset and i hurt her feelings. so she can just do whatever ill Do It For Her’ so like it was undeniably Bad but i just felt like i needed to try harder aksjd i didnt feel like i was inherently fucked up

people are admittedly very weird abt aro people using different terms to define personal relationships in like a ‘lmao look at these freaks’ way. which sucks! but u know whatever its fine

IN ANY CASE heres how t4t deancas qpr but they also fuck can still win

#last line IS the endgame for yllwblly. cant wait to get Yelled At. #good god this took me 45 minutes to type out. #i was doing way better abt this particular subject for a couple months there but uh. had an intense therapy session about. #my mommy issues <3 and now im just tender all over god bles