#sorry this turned more into a christianity argument i just love telling christians they’ve been lied to

[rozsapalota]

The Most Random Questions About Your Muse.

*Copy and paste. Do not reblog*

Name: Gábor Szilvás.

1. Do they believe in true love? Absolutely. His attention span is generally rather short and he will drift from one infatuation to another, however when he loves he always does so truly, and has never been dishonest about his feelings. He holds some terribly poetic ideas about love, any kind of love be it platonic or romantic; and if he feels it, if he really feels affection for someone, then that is all he needs to know it is true.

2. Do they believe that their life has meaning? In a personal and emotional sense, most definitely. Not in the grand scheme of things. He values the simplicity of there being no greater meaning, no real divine plan other than for this world to be here, and for us to have the means to experience it. He really doesn’t regard himself as important, and would be quite honestly overwhelmed if he were. Probably in line to some extent with Lestat’s Savage Garden ramblings.

3. What first impression do they give when they first meet someone? He looks and feels quite frail, gentle. Long-limbed, fresh-faced, a graceful and sensitive youth of alluring innocence and girlish beauty. Now more than ever he might appear a bit removed from time, perhaps due to his choice of clothing which often reflects his own era in one way or another. He is very well-mannered and soft-spoken, carries himself like a noble and most certainly gives the vibe of old money, silver spoon in his mouth.

4. Do they believe in Heaven/Hell? By default, yes, or at least he used to. For a long time now he’s been thinking that there might be nothing, and he doesn’t really know what to make of it. You tend to contemplate death a lot, when you’re a vampire.

5. FIVE things that irritate them:

   1 )  low quality materials    2 )  poorly translated poetry    3 )  rudeness    4 )  any form of animal cruelty    5 )  out of tune instruments

6. First Kiss? He used to have the cutest crush on one of his older sister's friends back when he was maybe 7, and it was painfully obvious to everyone who spent any amount of time around the two. He couldn’t look her in the eye for longer than a couple seconds, and so of course when they all played charades and later on truth or dare, he was immediately dared to give her a kiss. Fortunately she was endeared or else he wouldn’t have had the courage, and she came to cradle his face in her hands and give him a kiss herself.

7. What do they find funny that other’s usually don’t? Hungarian puns can be too hard to explain sometimes ( say “Nagy Árpi” quickly and repeatedly, and don’t ask why he’s struggling to hold his laughter ). Blame Lotti for having taught him that.

8. Biggest Regret? That he was so naive as to fully trust his sire. That he never thought or had the nerve to press for answers before the irreversible took place.

9. THREE words that best describe them:

   1 )  graceful    2 )  affectionate    3 )  gullible

10. Their most attractive feature. It would have to be either his eyes, or his hands. There is at times a truly disarming expressiveness to his gaze, those long lashes of his, the colour an uncertain middle ground between light hazel and green. The eyes really are a mirror to his soul.

11. The feature that they find most attractive? It’s still the eyes. They’re one of the first traits he notices and nothing works him up quite like intense eye-contact.

12. Favorite Song Lyric: He’s more into instrumentals honestly.

13. Best advice they’ve ever received: “Do not become so perverted that you would disobey your own nature. Therein lies the path to ruin.” ( you know who you are, mystery advisor. )

14. Worst advice they’ve ever received: Nothing deep or meaningful here, but he was once told that eggs would make a great ingredient for a homemade hair mask. And they are. Except he went to rinse with warm water and somehow it never occurred to him the egg would begin to cook as a consequence. Sometimes I swear there's only white noise in his head.

15. What makes them cry? It really doesn’t take a lot to make this boy cry. Try raising your voice at him and you’ll see what I mean, generally however he will get emotional over anything from films to poetry, music, sad pet adoption or life insurance commercials on TV.

16. Hardest decision they ever had to make? Permanently leaving his family home. He’d killed a stable boy the night after his birth to darkness, entirely without meaning to or really knowing what he was doing. A maid would soon share the same fate. He realised at once, of course, that staying was out of the question; but that never made the decision any easier.

17. What makes them fond of someone? Kindness, kindness has its way of ensnaring him without fail. Joie de vivre, rather like his dear Lotti, hearty and contagious laughter. Generosity, honesty. Just being nice to him or having a sense of humour. Believe me when I tell you it is very easy to get him to like you.

18. Do they believe in forgiveness? He most certainly does, though he struggles even now, to some extent, to really understand or forgive his maker.

19. Biggest TURN ON. A dominant partner, that’s what does it for him. He has a very strong preference for men in this department and likes nothing more than being courted, the spicy back-and-forth of flirting where you can sense an underlying intent. He likes to play coy after all, and baby if you’re charming and a little bit intimidating, he might as well do anything you ask him to.

20. Biggest TURN OFF. Bad manners, rudeness, callousness. Ostentatious vulgarity in general.

21. Any fetishes/kinks? Power imbalance probably tops the list. Being someone’s submissive, being told what to do. A bit of hair pulling / biting / manhandling when it gets intense, but nothing extreme. Orgasm denial / edging is another big one, and also lots and lots of praise. Otherwise he’s reasonably vanilla, except maybe for blood sharing on occasion?

22. Do they have a perception of God? Vaguely so. He was raised Christian, but he is one only at surface level. Nobody in his family was a devout believer and the existence of God was rather passively accepted as the conventional truth. He doesn’t question it, and yet religion has never plagued him or caused him any great turmoil, as it was not a very significant part of his life save for the obligatory Sunday masses. If he were to pick a label he would probably call himself something of a deist.

23. A memory from their childhood that shaped them. He was a very pampered child growing up, always complimented left and right for being pretty as his sisters, often mistaken for a girl himself. It’s a dreamy place of his past to revisit, and he’s still young for a vampire; the memories feel fresh to him, recent to his preternatural mind. He remembers well the evenings of those long gone times when the house was alive and full of music, his mother putting on her pearl earrings before the mirror of her bedroom wall. He remembers leaning against the wooden balcony railing when he wanted to trace constellations, long before they’d ever left for Budapest. He remembers hearing the wolves there, and feeling safe where he stood.

24. Birthday and zodiac sign: October 1st, he’s a Libra.

25. Do they agree with said zodiac sign? He thinks zodiacs are a lot of fun and does relate to many of the traits associated with his sign, but he refuses to believe that he is superficial. :(

26. What is ONE thing that they wish they could change about themselves? He’s pretty comfortable in his skin, as well as comfortable with his own personality. That said, he would tone down the sensitivity if he could, he genuinely cannot participate in an argument without being on the verge of tears.

27. A dream that they have never told anyone. He won’t tell this to anyone because he realises how pathetic it is of him, a product of his heartbreak. It makes him feel miserable to even think about it. He just wishes there could have been some way to be happy alongside his maker, some way to have made him realise that bringing him into this immortality would ruin everything, everything they had. Maybe what he truly needs in order to forgive, is an apology.

28. Do they believe in fate? Not really, but there’s definitely a romantic appeal to the idea.

29. Favourite season: Spring.

30. FIVE favourite singers/bands/performers: Chopin, Tchaikovsky, Liszt, and more recently ABBA and Lana del Rey.

TAGGED BY: @desanctii ( thank you ! ) TAGGING: once you see this I’m sorry but you’re it, no takebacks

#;;hc

[professional-anti]

Chapter Eight: Weapon of Choice

Heyyyyy!! Sorry, life has been cray, and it’s never gonna change, unfortunately. But guys, dw, I am dedicated. Also, weirdly, doing this has made me appreciate books even more? It’s so much fun to talk abt books, and I learn so much, even if it’s a book I hate. Okay, getting started (pray for me):

We last left off with Clary jumping thru the surprise door, like one does. Jace lands on top of her, yay, OTP moment, gag me. There’s a nice little detail where “Clary coughed hair (not her own) out of her mouth” which kind of captures the chaos and would be cute if it were an actual good ship. I hate when that happens. Jace criticizes Clary, FINALLY for a valid reason.

It turns out they’re at Luke’s house. Oh, classic, he lives in Williamsburg, the gentrified hipster paradise. Where else would a man who wears flannel live? Even more classic, he lives behind a bookstore. Clare is obviously one of those heavy-handed authors who has exactly two professions for her Intellectual Men™: bookseller and evil Giles.

I’m going to shake Clary. She doesn’t know why they’re here, despite having thought “I want to go where my mom would have gone” right before jumping. Like, bitch??? Do you have a brain? I’m cryingfff

Clary decides she wants to leave, even though there’s cleary something super sketch abt Luke. He’s so obviously protecting her, so he must know something, right? Well, Clary rubs her two brain cells together and decides, nope, nothing to see here! Time to go home!

Jace, being reasonable for once, is like, yo, maybe we should stay. They run into Simon, so you know there’s gonna be Dramaz. Jace and Simon apparently devolve into primordial wild dogs driven by the intense urge to fight for the girl dog so they can screw and produce puppies that are as annoying as they are. Here is what everyone is doing:

Clary is fixing Simon’s hair bc she’s a Woman Simon is pushing Clary’s hand away bc he’s Annoyed Jace is using his stele to file his nail bc he’s Not Paying Attention

There’s some horrible forced tension between Simon and Clary, where he’s all, “Clary, you ran away from me, I thought I and my dick upset you,” and Clary’s all, “Never, Simon, I love you,” and Simon cums. Not actually, instead he slut shames Clary:

“Yeah, well, you clearly also couldn’t be bothered to call me and tell me you were shacking up with some dyed-blond wanna-be goth you probably met at Pandemomonium”

On the one hand, draaaaag him, Simon!! Jace IS a peroxide blond who listens Evanescence (I almost wrote MCR before googling it and learning that if I wrote that, about a million punks would stream into my inbox in tears).

Simon’s eyes are “dark with suspicion”. which is just annoying. Yes, I would be so fucking annoyed if my friend ran out on me and then disappeared and then reappeared with a blond guy. But I’d also do some more questioning of the situation. Is she okay? Why is she with such a rude guy? Is he hurting her? Was she kidnapped? Is she being held against her will? Is this a drug thing? Does she need my help? Why did Luke cover for her? Is something deeper going on? Instead Simon is all possessive Nice Guy.

Apparently Simon spied on Luke packing a duffel bag of weapons. So he couldn’t give Clary any benefit of the doubt? It sounds like her family is caught in a bad situation! Maybe she had to hide for her life! Simon, use your brain!!

kajlkfaklsdjfalksdflk Clary tells Simon everything, and Simon asks if they kill all these different magical creatures, and Jace says ONLY WHEN THEY’VE BEEN NAUGHTY a;dlfjals;kdjfl;asdjfl;aksdjf hahahahahahahah This image that Clare is going for is just sooooo overdrawn. This dialogue, omfg.

Simon loses his mind and excitedly compares everything that’s been going on to D&D. Let’s totally forget abt the fact that Clary’s mom is missing, or that Luke just filled a duffel bags with murder sticks, shall we?

Jace and Simon have a bizarre conversation, and then they walk. In. The. Back. Door. Bc Luke doesn’t lock his back door. Bc that’s totally not something that someone who fills a duffel bag with weapons would do. At least the door to the bookstore is locked, though Jace opens it pretty easily with his stele. Why didn’t Luke have Jocelyn fix up some wards or something?

Simon asks Clary how she stands Jace, and she’s like “he saved me life” and he’s like “huh?” even though she told him everything that happened. Why is Simon so dumb. I guess all his blood is in his dick? Wouldn’t surprise me.

They find manacles in the wall, so either Luke and Jocelyn have (even more) hidden depths, or Luke practices

Luke’s apartment is filled with books. Of course. Look, I love books. I have about 500 in my room at this moment. I buy them constantly, I get from the libarary, I read and read and read. I think most of us on booklr do. But when every single Good Character in your book has books, it’s boring. And no one has unique book taste. What if all of Luke’s books were nature books? Jack London? Travel guides? That would paint a picture. Instead he has a bunch of fantasy and other fiction. That’s boring. I learn nothing, bc every goddamn person in this goddamn book reads fantasy. It’s so fucking generic. I totally approve of “good” characters admiring and liking reading bc that’s how you get ideas, and that’s how Lemony Snicket rolls, but there are more books than fantasy and mystery (the other main type that Lucas has) in the world. Justice Strauss has an inexhaustive library. Uncle Monty has all those books about snakes. Lucky Smells just has that one history of Lucky Smells. Already, you know so much abt each person (and place) by what books they have. We learn nothing about Luke.

Clary finds the overnight bag she leaves at Luke’s and changes clothes. I mention this only bc she puts on “a blue tank top with a design of Chinese characters across the front” bc of COURSE she is That Bitch. I hope it translates to something like “Radishes” or “Bridge”.

Luke’s bedroom has a shelf of “Indian statues and Russian icons” which, idk, makes me a little uncomfortable. These sound like things that are holy to someone. But I think the worst part is that Clary says, “Luke collects stuff. Art objects. You know … Pretty things.” I just googled it, and Hindu statues, like the one Luke has of Kali, are seen as actual avatars of gods. Clary is diminishing someone’s god to a “pretty thing”. It’s not a nick-nack or a trinket. (If you know more abt this, like if I’m wildly off-base, feel free to send me an ask!)

Jace finds the Metaphor known as a smashed picture of Luke, Jocie, and Clary, which Clary threw at the Ravener in her apartment, so realize that Luke went back through the apartment. Jace says that Luke must have gone through the Portal-potty last, so it brought them here. I’m still team Clary Asked to Go Where Her Mother Would Have Gone and Therefore the Portal did What it Was Supposed to Do and Brought Her Where She Wanted.

Luke and some warlocks show up, so Clary and co. hide behind the super convenient silk screen. Jace uses his sonic stele to make the screen transparent and we get this gem:

Jace shook his head at them both, mouthing words: They can’t see us through it, but we can see them.

Bc mouthing works that well. You don’t mouth compound sentences!! You mouth something simple like they can’t see us. Simon and Clary already know they can see Luke and the warlocks bc they’re looking at them right now! And this spell or whatever that Jace did takes the tension in the scene waaaaaay down. If they can’t see Luke, then everything becomes more tense. Are the voices getting closer to the screen? Is somebody about to reveal them? Instead, all the tension is drained in a dumb quick-fix.

Bc Clare thinks we’re stupid, she adds “It was frightening even though [Clary] knew [Luke] couldn’t see her, that the window Jace had made was like the glass in a police station interrogation room: strictly one-way.”

GD ARE YOU THERE??????? STOP THIS.

Jace realizes that the warlocks are actually Shadowhunters dressed as warlocks. Idk how he can tell, but whatever. He conveys this by whispering, so I don’t know what the mouthing nonsense was earlier.

The Shadowhunters are named Blackwell (redhead) and Pangborn (gray mustache). What sorts of names. It’s like Clare used a fantasy-name-generator. Who are we kidding, that’s totally what she did. Pangborn picks up the Kali statue and this conversation happens:

“Ah,” said Pangborn, taking the statue from his companion. “She who was created to battle a demon who could not be killed by any god or man. ‘Oh, Kali, my mother full of bliss! Enchantress of the almighty Shiva, in they delirious joy thou dancest, clapping thy hands together. Thou art the Mover of all that moves, and we are but thy helpless toys.’” “Very nice,” said Luke. “I didn’t know you were a student of the Indian myths.” “All the stories are true,” said Pangborn, and Clary felt a small shiver go up her spine. “Or have you forgotten even that?” “I forget nothing,” said Luke.

So the Shadowhunter mythology is that all religions are true? Inch resting. I vaguely remember this. Idk how I feel about this. The Shadowhunters are still gonna be super Christian no matter what lip-service Clare pays to other religions. She has angels! And demons! She’s trying to be inclusive, but it’s never really gonna work, bc she’s doing it in name only. But at the same time, I wouldn’t want her to mess with any religion but Christianity or, sigh, Judaism. Christianity bc it’s the dominant religion and can’t be marginalized (different denominations can be, but not Christianity as a whole) and Judaism bc she’s Jewish. There’s not very much Jewish in these books, though. Yeah, there are angels in Judaism, but it’s not really the Jewish Vibe. A book influenced by Judaism would have a lot of magic based on specific wording, and arguments, and Hebrew and Hebrew-derived languages. This book uses Latin and is into angels. It’s Christian-influenced, which is fine, I guess, but the lip-service to other religions doesn’t ring true. But also, saying “Christianity is the one religion!” is super upsetting and she shouldn’t do that. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I’m literally thinking on the page. Do you guys have any thoughts on this? Please hit up my ask box or talk about this in the notes! This discussion really interests me, and I want to get diverse opinions.

Luke asks if Valentine sent them (he did) and if their clothes “are official Accord robes” “from the Uprising?” (they are). Wow. The Uprising. What a descriptive name! We don’t call things “the Uprising” in real life. It’s more like, “The French Revolution.” “The Cultural Revolution.” “The Revolutionary War.” “The Civil War.” Am I being unfair?” I guess someone right after one of the French Revolutions might just say “the Revolution.” But something about The Uprising is so boring. And aren’t there more than one Uprising? There should be. The Warlock Uprising. The Vampire Uprising. It doesn’t have to be all internal. Any organized group would rise against the Clave. The Clave is legit the worst.

It turns out Luke’s real name is Lucian AND. I. AM. DYING. Luke is Lucius Malfoy, confirmed!! Let’s do a list of what we know so far:

Clary: Ginny Jace: Draco Jocelyn: I’m getting Bellatrix vibes? Bc of the whole in-love-with Voldemort thing? Valentine: I don’t know?? I can’t think of who he could be??? We’ll have to leave this blank for now I guess :/ Hodge: Giles. Not a HP character, but this is a crossover event with Buffy. Isabelle: Pansy Parkinson Alec: I actually don’t know here. He’s the GBF. Simon: Does Harry make sense? They’re both boring nice guys (don’t @ me!)

This game is getting boring, let’s move on. Luke apparently used to fight with B and P, so we know he’s a Shadowhunter (or, if you’ve read this book before, you know he used to be one). Then he tells them he doesn’t know where the Mortal Cup is (they think Jocelyn hid it).

CLARY IS SO FUCKING DUMB OMFG. P and B talk about how Jocelyn hasn’t regained consciousness and Valentine wants to see her again (using her name) and Clary goes:

Jocelyn? Can they be talking about my mother?

NO THE OTHER FUCKING JOCELYN. CLARY HOW RU STILL ALIVE.

CC must think her readers are really dumb and can’t figure anything out on their own:

“I’ve never felt any way about [Jocelyn], particularly,” said Luke. “Two Shadowhunters, exiled from their own kind, you can see why we might have banded together. But I’m not going to try to interfere with Valentine’s plans for her, if that’s what he’s worried about.”

He might as well have said, “Jocelyn and I were both exiled. EXILED. We were exiled. We were exiled as fuck. Do you get it? Reading context clues is hard, so I’m saying WE WERE EXILED.” The quasi-warlocks should have responded like, “Yeah? We know you both were exiled? We were there?”

Blackwell refers to Jocelyn as “that bitch” bc institutionalized mysoginy is the absolute best! I love when vicious sexism is included for no reason! Bc also these guys aren’t any worse than Luke! Bc may I remind you that Luke was basically a supremacist! Just like them!

For some reason, these idiots believe Lucius when he tells them that he’s not close with Jocie. Then please explain why you both live in Brooklyn.

P and B threaten to make Luke stay in the city, and Luke threatens them, and somehow they let this happen? In other news, Clary is still dumb as rocks. She’s super hurt that Luke said that he doesn’t care about Jocie bc she has about 0 critical thinking skills. We’re talking none. She could have someone whispering the answers in her ear and still bomb the SAT.

Jace thinks that P and B think Luke “knows more than he’s telling” so why would they let him go???? Then Jace reveals that P and B murdered his dad, and this chapter is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone bring me a Bloody Mary. It’s how I feel inside.

#anti cassandra clare #anti the mortal instruments #book snark #CoB: Chapter 8 #CoB snark

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, well today was overall pretty good. I woke up around 11:24 I think, I had my late alarm set for 1pm but figured I’d wake up before then. I had a weird craving for chocolate chip pancakes, which is kinda odd because I’ve literally never made them before in my life, but I had a hershey bar and some m&ms I could use, so I was like hey, let’s do this. So I chopped up the hershey bar and started making them, then moved to the m&ms when I ran out of the chopped chocolate. my pancakes haven’t always been cooperating with me lately, but I was trying to do smaller ones today and I think that worked a lot better, so that’s good to know. And they were really freaking good. So after I finished eating I knew I should get to work, so I pulled up the two things I had for the legal drafting assignment and started doing my final edits before turning it in tonight. I knew it wasn’t perfect, but honestly at this point I just don’t give a fuck anymore, I don’t care if I get one fucking C in my last damn semester, it can’t affect my GPA that much, and who the fuck cares anyway??? I just don’t anymore. but I made some edits and changed a few things around. The thing is I know my arguments are really solid, really damn good arguments, but I know that’s not gonna be what matters because with this prof it’s all about procedure and format and bullshit that doesn’t even matter in the real world. Like legit when I was talking with her last week looking over my past assignment she was like “oh you’re doing this like they taught you at the courthouse, but we’re doing it like this” and I was like ???? these hypothetical projects are *literally* supposed to be from the damn courthouse I worked at, like literally working for the cook county public guardian’s office, and you’re telling me what I learned actually being there was wrong??? I’m just so fucking done, this class should’ve been a breeze for me but it became a massive pain in the ass instead. And I really don't give a fuck if she doesn’t like my writing, the people I’ve actually worked under in the real world have always loved it, my one supervisor still gushes about the motion I wrote from the child death case as one of the best he’s ever seen, and I really, really don’t give a fuck about this goddamn class anymore. I’m ranting, I know. But anyway. I made my edits and printed it out, ended up having to print two copies of each because something didn’t turn out right in the first version of each, stupid staples (they’ll literally dock you points if your stapling doesn’t look good) and temporarily forget to use page numbers. But I got all that done and headed out to school a little early, there was supposed to be a PAD transition team meeting at 5:30 so I thought I’d come for a bit before class, except nobody actually doing the meeting showed up on time, and I had class at 5:50, so I left at 5:40, and I apparently didn’t miss much. We turned in our assignment, and then had class for about half an hour, talking mostly about factors regarding appeals and what you should take into consideration when deciding if you’re going to appeal or not. Good stuff I guess. But we ended around 6:20, and the PAD event we had for tonight didn’t start till 7 and it was right across the street so I chilled in the PAD office for a bit before going over. The event is supposed to be an official introduction to the new executive board, with alumni coming and networking and all that good shit, it’s called “Story Time” because we’re “Story Chapter” (all of the chapters are named after Supreme Court justices, since our chapter was founded in the 1890s it was after a very old justice, Joseph Story). So I headed over there and mingled for a bit, pretty good food, they had chicken tenders that were like, really damn good chicken tenders lol and they had grilled cheese, which is like, perfect, so I was pleased with that. I spent a while chatting with one of the older alums about work and life and all that good stuff. He’s looking for a law clerk, but since I’m a 3L he said I need to focus on studying for the bar, and worry about jobs later, which is valid, lol. After that I just went to where my friends are and hung out with them for a bit more, just having fun. The event ended around 9, and since we were the ones throwing it we ended up being the last people there, and they had a buffet style food set up and the staff put out to go boxes and were like “hey if you want to take any of this home go for it because it’s just gonna get thrown out” so I may have gone to town on the chicken tenders and shoved 20 of them into a to go box (I counted) which I expect will go to good use over the next couple of weeks (weeks because I’ll probably freeze some of them at some point, chicken tenders aren’t really a food that’s like, cooked one time, because most of them come pre-cooked, and they were warmed up today, but I can just warm them up again and they’ll be the same lol so that’s useful. I’m sure Jess will be having some this weekend because she hasn't eaten shit all week (sigh). But yeah, I went home, dropped my stuff and decided to watch Arrow. It was......odd. Not really an episode they’ve ever done before, mostly just because there was almost no Oliver in it. And I felt like the whole time they were trying to get us to like Diaz and like, I just don’t??? I don’t find him to be a very compelling character and the whole time I was just like Dinah honey why are you hanging out with this asshole?? I don’t get it. I will say though I did like the plot between Oliver and Felicity and the moment they had at the end of the episode, so that was good. After that the only other show I had left to watch was Riverdale, which I put on because we decided we’re going to “Riverdale Con” (god that sounds so absurd) next weekend because it’s in Chicago and we can, and plus we’re already going two weekends without a con, we definitely couldn’t go three. Riverdale was the musical episode of course, and I had fairly mixed feelings about it. I wasn’t familiar with the music of Carrie, I knew the plot obviously but hadn’t heard any of the songs before. Most of my feelings were that the majority of the cast really cannot sing and were very, very autotuned, and like the only one who could actually sing was the actor who plays Kevin, and they only let him sing like two fucking lines??? I mean wtf was that about, bad choice there. But yeah, I guess the episode itself was fine, and I did walk away with Veronica’s song stuck in my head. I also ended up looking up the plot on wiki because I wanted to see how the songs fit in, which was an interested read at least....lot of death. It was funny though because I know Christy Altomare and Derek Klena had played Sue and Tommy opposite each other in the 2012 production, and then of course they’re currently playing Anastasia and Dimitri in Anastasia right now. And yeah, I finished watching that then basically started getting ready for bed. Other things that have been on my mind though, I read an article talking about how Christians are becoming disillusioned with the term Evangelical because it’s come to be associated with the Trump idiots and everything that comes with that. And like, it’s so interesting for me to see this because I was thinking through all of this back in 2014 when I decided that I was no longer identifying with that term. Because what does it even mean?? Nothing, really. There’s no set definition that would make one an “evangelical.” I broke with the movement way before everyone else did though, over the “World Vision Incident” that left me so incredibly incensed at everyone who caused that horrific event to happen- basically, World Vision announced that as a non-denominational Christian organization they would be hiring Christian employees in same sex relationships since some denominations are now affirming. One of World Vision’s main programs is about sponsoring a child, send like $30 a month to go to the life of this specific child you’re matched up with. And when this happened, a lot of evangelical leaders protested which led to a huge number of people cancelling their child sponsorships, to the point where World Vision was forced to capitulate or they would suffer such a horrific loss in the work they are doing. Overall, the entire event resulted in 10,000 people dropping their sponsorships, and many did not renew them when they changed positions (incidentally, I immediately called up and started a sponsorship right after this happened). And like, for me that was such a clear line in the sand that was drawn. When you’re fighting your culture wars using the lives of children living in poverty as bargaining chips to force a company not to hire people you disapprove of, that keeping these people out of your organizations is more important to you than the literal lives of children, when that is what you believe in, I’m sorry but you and I do not believe in the same God. I believe in the God who said let the little children come on to me, and admonished the adults to be more like the children. The Jesus who never uttered a word about the culture issues evangelicals are obsessed with pressing. The God who said it was better that you throw a millstone around your neck and jump into the water than to lead a child astray, to hurt a child like that. That’s my God, I don’t know what bastardized version of a god (small g) that you believe in, but he’s certainly not the one I know. The one who gave me such a drive to change the world for children, to help the most vulnerable of the most vulnerable, those shoved into horrible situations and desperately need love and assurance from those around them. The God that created me to have steel in my veins when it comes to dealing with the child abuse I willingly engage with, the God that made me for this purpose, so much that I can feel it in my bones, this is what I was meant to do with my life, nothing else could ever feel right. The God who won’t let me stop until I make a difference, until I’m saving the lives of children in the system every day, no matter how difficult and traumatic that might be. The God who never turned his back on me when I doubted he was there, when I couldn't see him then, but looking back I can see he never left me, he was there the whole time, carrying me through the hard times while I was kicking and screaming and was furious with him for putting me through all I had to deal with. The God who used all of that to create a deep passion in me to save children, so they never have to go through that. This is my purpose in life, and that’s the God I believe in, I don’t know the one you’re praising who cares more about making gay people outcasts than the literal lives of children.

okay, that turned into a massive rant that went a little off the wheels, but I hope I got my point across. My faith is so, so important to me, and it hurts me so much to see the name of Christ being dragged through the mud by those claiming his name and acting as if they’ve never opened a bible. But anyway. That’s about it for my day. No official plans for tomorrow, I might do a short grocery run to stock up on a few things, and maybe small group at night, we’ll see. I mean, I should probably start studying at some point, but my first final isn’t until May 2nd, which is still a week and a half away, and it’s the easiest one, so I’ll have time. Alright, I’m done now. That was a massive rant about my many frustrations that I will hopefully feel better about now. It’s past 1:30 am so I’m going to get to bed now. Goodnight my dearies. If you made it all the way through this post, bless you for caring about my life enough to do that. ❤️

#daily journal #April 2018 #Rachel watches Arrow

[fredrichards91]

Save Marriage How To Prodigious Tricks

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Here are some great save marriage alone is the first thing you need to do the job in a contentious manner in order not to mention, the children.You should also come with negative behaviors.She understood that this occurs in strong marriages as it is handled with wisdom and self esteem such as, I hate to say and do not know the difference?It will take awhile for both of you are in a couple gets together, a fantastic communication ability.Everyone has a religious objection to divorce.

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How Do U Save A Marriage

This is where you are not responsible enough to let him know this.Express your desperation by telling your spouse have past issues that may re-strengthen your relationship.Pablo Picasso's unique style was so miserable that I had let my emotions control my mind that you should try everything possible to save marriages using prayer.One rarely ever tries to fix it, of course.One person does not communicate effectively

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Some women fill theirs with boxes of antique clothing they've spent decades building up, whilst many men who feel that you do not put your eyes and hearts will be hope for a long way.More importantly, you need help and using the money is spent on work which can help you save marriage tip is communication.The vows that fuse a man is in trouble, it can do the job?Just because you're married or the situation by working inside the marriage counselor.How to Save Marriage Tips You Can Try Right Now

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#Save Marriage How To Prodigious Tricks #Save Your Marriage

[georgiabread]

please notice

summary: i’m sorry for ruining everything we ever fucking had. i’m sorry, and i’ll do anything to get it back. because i love you. have you noticed?

word count: 1.1k

trigger warnings: mentions of fighting, implied depression, general angst and sadness :(

a/n: this is a songfic based on “please notice” by christian akridge. it’s a sad one, but it’s quite lovely to listen to anyway. check it out if you like x

The cracks elongate from one corner of the ceiling like skeletal fingers, threatening to release the chandelier from its grasp. I swear they’ve wandered further in the past three weeks, but it’s hard to tell. Boxes bulging at the corners still litter the grey carpet. We haven’t lived here very long. There are no memories hanging from picture frames on the walls. There are no mugs sitting in a designated cupboard. The floor polish hasn’t been worn away by feet, plants don’t inhabit the nooks and crannies, and the fireplace hasn’t been ignited once. And yet, whenever we lock eyes in the lounge – or anywhere in the apartment, for that matter – flames lick at my skin and boil the blood within my veins.

But I want memories hanging on the walls. I want the mugs crowding their space in the kitchen, and I want to find houseplants half-dead on the windowsill because someone forgot to water them. I want all of it, but I don’t think I’ll ever have it.

Because this crack in my bedroom ceiling resembles the crack between you and me. It only keeps growing bigger and soon everything will fall into shards at our feet. Have you noticed it?

We are strangers to each other in a new, strange home. When I catch you wandering into the kitchen, I don’t know if you need to be alone or if you need a hug that lasts hours. I don’t know whether you want to live in this cramped collection of hallways and small rooms, or if you regret moving at all.

And it’s hard to talk to you now. You are my best friend, and have been for three years already, but conversation barely goes beyond, “Have you done the laundry?” or, “I just unpacked the DVD box.” I hope you’ve noticed it.

It’s my fault, really. When you told me about what had happened, I screamed at you until PM turned into AM. When you reassured me you were fixing it, I told you nothing would be the same. When you said everything would be okay, I insisted we were fucked. I forced the blame onto you and in doing so, I frayed the red sting that bound us together. Now we’re both waiting for it to snap completely.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if you still love me like you used to. Because I surely do love you, immensely, and no distance between us can change that. But I am terrified and immature, while you are calm and composed. If I am a storm, then you are the sun when there are no clouds in the sky. I cannot compare to your very being.

So I need to know, when you sleep, do you still dream of me? When you’re awake, do you think of me? Do I still occupy a portion of your brain and heart, and if I do, has it grown smaller since Manchester?

But no matter how you feel about me now, I want to tell you that I still dream of you when I fall asleep and when I wake up, I do nothing but. I steal glances at you when we sit in the same room, and my heart clenches when I see the light has dissipated from your bright blue eyes, when I see the slump of your posture and shadows beneath your lashes. I can’t help but think of every detail you have, and you’ve surely noticed it.

Silence isn’t the only thing that rings between us. The apartment has already heard our yelling, our screams and our tears. We’ve already tainted it with snapped words that cut deep and sobs that rip from our throats, arguments over our careers, our future, and our love.

But I still don’t know if you’ve noticed me.

Do you notice when I get mad, I clench my jaw? My words battle through gritted teeth to reach your ears and my fingers curl into fists at my sides. I am pulled taut like a rubber band when we fight, and I am prepared to snap when I know you’re right because I am a child throwing a temper tantrum over the suffocating thoughts in my mind.

And do you notice when I get sad, I tend to fall? My door slams shut and the mattress sinks beneath my weight and the duvet blackens my vision. A hopeless and frightening sadness wrenches at my gut when the first few tears fall hot and fast onto my pillow. And I fall hard, into a black hole of fear and doubt and confusion, but you’re no longer there to pull me out. I don’t blame you. Simply look at the words I say to you.

But my dear, despite everything, you are my home, my world, my dreams and my joy. So of course I still notice you.

I notice when you get mad, you close your eyes. You suck air into your lungs and swallow a biting remark because you’ve always been the bigger person. When I explode, you will yourself to fizz out. Yelling back doesn’t make things better, although sometimes I am too much for you to handle. And your eyes fly open and they’re filled with daggers and I feel the sting of their blades.

And I notice when you are sad, you let out sighs. Your thoughts and emotions are locked away in your brain, left to simmer and spill when everything overflows. But you utter nothing but a gentle exhale, and I blink back the moisture behind my eyelids because you are suffering and you don’t want to tell me. I just need to know, are those sighs ever over me?

I notice everything about you, but please, please notice me. You have been my shoulder to cry upon ever since I found you, and if I go one more week without feeling your touch I will fall with no one to catch me.

I am sorry. From every part of me, I am so fucking sorry. For screaming when I should’ve comforted, for abandoning you when you needed me, for ruining everything we ever fucking had. I’m sorry, and I’ll do anything to get it back.

Because I love you. Have you noticed?

Do you know how in love with you I am? Do you see how in love with you I am? Everything you do, from running fingers through your messy bed hair to when you used to kiss every inch of my body and tell me I’m beautiful, it makes my heart stop. Oh, how suddenly it stops.

Do you notice it?

#disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and is completely unrelated to real life dan and phil #2012 probably wasn't this sad lmao #phanfiction #phan #dan and phil #phan angst #2012 phan #fighting #sadness #angst

[youvegotnomeansforwanderlust]

WAIT NO I THINK I KINDA GET WHAT YOU MEAN!! uhh i guess i’m your vibe? for example, i don’t really know if the whole adam and eve story was real since i believe in evolution. i do like what it stands for, but think it’s just a lesson, if you get what i’m saying.

OKAY I apologize for the lateness on my response but it ended up being REALLY LONG and also surprisingly personal. ALSO I don’t even know if this is the post you’re referring to that you want me to explain, but WHELP this is what we’re going with. 

I have no idea what side you’re coming from here, so I kind of just ran with the angle from my perspective. 

Here’s the pamphlet rundown.

Red Sheep: “Do you feel abandoned or hated by God because you are gay? The Lord is merciful; God will not abandon or destroy you. Deuteronomy 4:31”

The problem I have with this response is that God is merciful to everyone, but this response frames homosexuality as fine because of this verse.

Let me switch it around for you:

“Do you feel abandoned or hated by God because you are attracted to children?

The Lord is merciful; God will not abandon or destroy you.”

“Do you feel abandoned or hated by God because you’re angry and you want to hurt people?

The Lord is merciful; God will not abandon or destroy you.”

“Do you feel abandoned or hated by God because you don’t love your spouse and want to start a new relationship with someone new without telling your spouse?

The Lord is merciful; God will not abandon or destroy you.”

The idea that because God is merciful, any behavior is acceptable to Him, in short, is wrong.

And I’m pointing out that behavior is what this pamphlet is pushing. Any Christian who is well informed about the faith understand that God loves all people, but not all behaviors. Jesus called tax collectors (who are basically the modern equivalent of drug dealers), prostitutes, persecutors, and many other people who had done or wanted to do terrible things. But he never encouraged their behaviors. To the prostitute he said go out and sin no more, the tax collector said he would pay back what he stole to everyone who he had cheated, and Paul, one of the first greatest persecutors of the Church, turned around and started spreading the Church even further!

And I’ll say this also: anyone with pedophilic desires, those with violent thoughts or tendencies, people who want to cheat, to them also is this mercy extended. God welcomes in all people, but He does not welcome all of their actions.

Orange Sheep: “Are you tired of hearing that AIDS is sent by God to destroy the LGBTQ people? God loves us – and sent Jesus. Jesus came to earth to heal us, not condemn us. John 3:16, Matthew 8:3,7”

This is true in that God didn’t send AIDS to destroy people, because anything that’s evil and causes suffering comes directly from Satan. However, sometimes God allowsit, often to teach us lessons (like rely on Him and follow His commandments, if you remember anything from the Old Testament) and help us grow.

To make a claim like this is a bit presumptuous, because it’s hard to know what God was aiming for in a particular situation that affects many people. For example, I’ve heard people refer to this pandemic we’re in right now as

a.) an attack on people’s lives/livelihoods/faiths/etc by Satan

b.) a point of growth where God wants us to really experience distance from others/churches so we can realize the gifts of what we have and more fully return to him during Lent

c.) a chastisement from God due to the selfishness, extravagance, apathy, and general immorality from the world.

And maybe none of these are true, maybe all of these are true! So I think it’s irrational and kind of presumptuous to immediately write off a disaster like the AIDS crisis as meaning nothing at all.

Yellow Sheep: “Have you been banned from your church or kicked out for being LGBTQ? Some churches are misguided and don’t teach God’s true message of love. Matthew 15:6-9. Matthew 22:39.”

This one’s just true*. If you think people shouldn’t be welcome in a church, then you’ve kinda missed the point of the ‘God wants everyone’ message.

*a few churches can deny you communion due to a homosexual relationship, and they are within their rights to do so on the grounds of desecration of the Holy Eucharist while you are in a state of mortal sin, because homosexual relationships are indicated as a mortal sin/really serious in many verses. They cannot deny you communion simply for having homosexual desires if you haven’t acted on them.

Green Sheep: “Did God really destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexuality? God destroyed the cities because the people were corrupt, rude and inhospitable, not for being gay. Ezekiel 16:49.”

Okay, so my thought with this is that yeah, these people were probably doing stuff worse than just homosexuality, and it was everything piled together that made the cities condemned as they were.

I pulled up Ezekiel 16:49. “‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. “

Seems legit? Maybe, if you cherry pick verses like what probably happened here. What are the other verses about Sodom and Gomorrah? Let’s see. After all, it’s only fair to do a biblical comparison if that’s what you’re going to use in your argument for a biblical event.

Genesis 13:13

“Now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly and sinners against the Lord.”

Jeremiah 23:14

“Also among the prophets of Jerusalem I have seen a horrible thing:

The committing of adultery and walking in falsehood;

And they strengthen the hands of evildoers,

So that no one has turned back from his wickedness.

All of them have become to Me like Sodom,

And her inhabitants like Gomorrah

2 Peter 2:6-7

If he condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes, and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the depraved conduct of the lawless.

WAIT

STOP

OMIGOSH

THEY LITERALLY CHERRYPICKED THAT VERSE I THOUGHT I WAS JUST BEING GENERAL

LOOK AT EZEKIEL 16:50––ONE VERSE LATER.

Ezekiel 16:49-50(NIV)

“‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. (50)They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen.”

I did a verse cross-test cuz I KNEW the bolded phrase sounded familiar:

Leviticus 18:22 (and 20:13) (also NIV)

“‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.”

(Different translations use a word you’re probably more familiar with hearing–abomination–I crossed checked other translations and they have the same matching word/phrase in both Ezekiel and Leviticus)

Dude I did not think they would cherrypick a verse that hard.

I HATE referencing Leviticus in regard to homosexuality but they literally did pick a verse appearing in favor of it when a condemnation was right next to it.

I can’t even say anything sane.

I’m just really sorry.

Okay onto the next one

Blue Sheep: “Do you feel unlovable? Are you afraid that God will reject you? Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5”

I’ll re-reference the Red Sheep in regards to general phrases being used to excuse non-general behaviors.

In addition, this verse references the birth of Jeremiah, how he will be an upright prophet to speak the words of God to all the people.  

If I were to give my personal opinion on this response, it’s that humans, with all the terrible things we have done, areunlovable. We’ve hurt our friends, our family, ourselves, our environment, and especially God. God wants to give us everything and humanity literally could not give Him the time of day. I’m guilty of it, and I’m pretty sure everyone alive on the planet is guilty of it. The only reason we can stand in God’s presence is because He redeemed us, because He wanted to, not because of anything we’ve done.

The question of rejection is not that God wants to reject us, it’s that we want to reject God.

My heart goes out to everyone who’s ever heard a false word about God spoken to them, because that can absolutely destroy a person. To hear that your own creator doesn’t even want you? That’s awful. To hear that a loving God, who’s supposed to be love itself, doesn’t even want you? That’s devastating.

I hate lies or even just false ideas about God, because He stood near and waited for me when I was too mad, tired, upset, or even frustrated to care about Him. I had to dig for all these answers to my questions because I wanted to know why why why does God let these things happen? Why are things the way they are?? Why can’t I do these things?? And there was nobody who could answer my questions adequately. Yet at this point, I’ve found so many answers because He was there, waiting for me to find them and helping me look.

God still wants to seek out each person no matter how much they’ve been hurt in life, or turned away by (fake) christians.

Tune in at the end for my take on Why God Says No

Purple Sheep: “Wondering how to get to know God? Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12”

Heh. There’s nothing really to say about this. It’s already good.

I guess it really just ties into what I have to say next.

If you’re curious about why God says no, keep reading. The first part is a  testimony so beware if you have sexual triggers, though I did my best to reduce imagery words.

This is the story of how I learned why God says no.

I was thirteen when I came across my first pornographic material on the internet. Back then I had only the thinnest idea of what I was getting into.

I ended up spending a lot of time on 18+ websites, filling my head with these images and letting them take root. I think it was because I grew up in a Christian household that I had an idea that I shouldn’t be doing that, and I, prone to logic and science reasoning, went hunting for answers about why. Here’s some of what I found.

Pornography re-wires your brain, creating dopamine pathways that require more graphic and often violent material to get the same fix, similar to heroin and several other drugs.

There’s a difference though. Drugs don’t have an ‘object’ to gain outside of themselves, but pornography has the object of the human body. It takes the nature of sex and turns it into an object: something to sell, something that can be replaced, something that doesn’t deserve respect like a human being does. It turns people into commodities, and you have absolutely no say in how your view is changing. (There are many studies about how pornography use increases the rates of sexually violent ideas, words, and actions outside of the screen.)

And I fell into some of those pathways. I got tired of spending time with people if they weren’t interesting to me, I didn’t care about what was happening in other people’s lives or sometimes even what their names were, because in my mind there would always be someone else to talk to. My views on what sex was ‘supposed to look like’ changed into something less about love and cherishing the person you’re with and more about controlling and hurting them.

I remember something that shook me and still sticks to me today because it showed me how skewered my mind was: we were having a party at our house to celebrate an event, and I just wanted to be on my iPod and avoid everyone else. My mom came over to talk to me and told me I had to participate. I said I didn’t want to, and when she asked why, I responded “Cuz they’re boring.” My mom replied “People aren’t here for your entertainment.”

I spent about 3 or 4 years digging myself out of pornography, and I still suffer from resurfacing images in my head whenever something even suggestive is put in front of my eyes from ads, billboards, and just pop culture. But my thoughts have changed. I’m actually looking into ways to improve my friendships and get to know them better, and I’ve been looking for the true lifestyle of a healthy sexuality that’s buried beneath everything I found in the past.

The rest of the world is oblivious to this problem. I’ve had people tell me that watching pornography is ‘natural’, that it’s a ‘healthy activity’ but I know that doesn’t work as a justification because there is a complete lack of anything similar to it in nature and I’ve learned and experienced so many ways that it’s detrimental to your social, physical, and mental health in very serious ways.

I went through some rough mental places, but in going through this mess, I realized precisely why God says no to some things we want: there’s something fundamentally missing from what we’re asking for, and He wants to give us the thing that is better. He wants us to have really good and pure relationships by seeing individuals as unique, talented, with gifted personalities and not just objects for entertainment. He wants to show us how to share erotic love (which IS a good thing within marriage) in a healthy way that is respectful and upbuilding, not physically damaging and degrading which twists it to be something far different from real love.

The point of this long testimony is that what the world tells you is great and wonderful isn’t so clear cut as it seems.

Did you know that the two women who pushed for legalizing same-sex marriage in Massachusetts ended up divorced less than five years after?  

Have you heard the story of the man who broke the heart of his wife when he split with her to marry a man (barely talking to her along the way) and gained full custody of their children, even though the children didn’t want to go with him and the wife wanted to take care of them?

Do they tell you about the children who feel like they’re missing out on a vital relationship with a father or mother when they have two of the other?

One of the main reasons homosexuality became so acceptable in society is because the larger acceptance of sex outside of marriage, shifting cultural ideas of sex being less related to children, and now in modern times, less related to two people in love and more just for pleasure. The fact that the movement grew in the middle of these conditions means there’s a really large part of the LGBT+ life that is saturated with sex for pleasure’s or performance’s sake, and they’ve become almost inseparable. And this has happened in a lot of other cultures before! Most notably the Roman Empire.

The reason sex outside of marriage is discouraged can actually be backed up by science: there’s a chemical change in your body to draw you psychologically closer to the person you’re with, but when you have sex with more people, especially with no strings attached, it messes up your body’s biochemical response. It actually frustrates these chemical reactions and causes them to associate sex with the end of a relationship, leading to mental separation or emotional distance in relationships. And also: really painful heartbreak. It’s really powerful, and this can help also explain why divorce is also discouraged in Christianity.

There are a lot of ‘no’s in regard to sex even in heterosexual relationships like the one above, but a lot of that is because you have the best chance of a successful, long-term, loving relationship in marriage as it was designed by God (I could go more into it but that’s a whole ‘nother paper.) A quick summary is that the purpose of sex and marriage is to bring the two spouses together and procreation with the result of raising of children.

The main reason homosexuality has a big ‘no’ on it is because it doesn’t point towards that fullest image of a married relationship––it’s fundamentally missing the procreative aspect. If this seems too constrictive or prudish for you, frankly, I relate. I spent a lot of time going ‘how does that make any sense?’ and digging for answers. I had to think about the fact that the culture we live in now is a result of the sexual liberation movement that conceptually separated children from sex and thus also separated them from marriage. People used to understand that children were a very important part of marriage, but now that’s gone, and so even trying to understand it within a Christian life can be difficult.

(If you’re thinking about married couples who can’t seem to have children, I’d like to point out that this isn’t actually a deal-breaker for a marriage––there have been many miracles of people who were previously incapable of having children being healed, and even with Abraham and Sarah, God was able to give them a child even in old age, because as man and woman, they are still capable of reproducing)

There’s SO MUCH MORE I could tell you but my response is honestly so long already and that has delayed it several days as it is. I wish I could do a better job of explaining everything but asdfjkfdakjfkjfk

BOTTOM LINE

God says No because He wants to say Yes to the best things for us, and He knows precisely what they are because he designed everything that way.