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bittersweet-clifford · 7 years

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I hate my physics teacher but he says some weird shit. here are his best quotes.

“and she looked like a dweeb but it doesn't matter because she's hot.” “imagine this punk-ass kid...” “ro-day-oh” “*screaming* YEEHAAAAW” “my wife went to a loser school.” “oh. that's where that obama guy went.” “I was president of all these things. okay. you're a loser.” “it’s got a cockroach crawling out of somebody's anus.” “you're a thief and you're a violent offender. go to texas.” “God did not have an eleventh commandment that said a 90% is an A.” “they had another brother. i forget what his name was but he was just there.” “our family is so devoid of talent that when we did the senior musical they told my brother, ‘you move your mouth but nothing comes out.’” “I’m not big on IQ.” “3 times 64. that's...........a lot.” “I think i can. i think i can. oh that was a great book.” “I AM AN ISLAND.” “he was one of those geeks who’d come into my room during lunch.” “Kids will do anything for food.” “Beethoven didn't have good social skills.” “pair-a-bowl-uh.” “g-e-o-meat-tree” “re-nay-sance” “you didn't have velocitom- speedometers.” “and dedicated to the proposition that all men-not women- are created equal.” “newton sat back and said, ‘damn, i took algebra 2.’” “they invented something. it was bitching.” “your little cell phone has an accelerometer on it.” “you get in your damned car right now. you have friggin GPS.” “what is a graph? you guys have no effing clue.” “screw it. this is america, man.” “they got these cheesy ass little- hey...” “and he marries his mom because she's a hottie.” “i'm going ‘no sweat.’ she's goin ‘YEAH SWEAT.’” “they send him off to some hills to die and some idiot saves him.” “trig-no-me-tree.” “if the plane crashes, whatever. little things.” “der-i’ve-a-tive.” “someone help her out. *people give answers* well don't listen to idiots.” “the magnitude of my ineptness.” “he invented something. it was a terrible thing-he invented the essay.” “i threw that at you to see how you interpilate.” “we’re talking so small your kitchen is in your bedroom. as long as you have 16 million dollars, you can have the friend's apartment.” “FROGS ARE NOT AERODYNAMIC.” “you're a genie-ass.” “what says ‘i love you’ more than eating the one you love?” “their bodies will be goop. and this is metaphorical and beautiful. how much closer can you be when you're stirred together?” “the book didn't have a female character because he's a male-dog-anystic pig.” “speaking of time….OOH BABY.” “you had telephones *aggressively slams hand on the wall* MOUNTED ON THE FRIGGIN WALL.” “and some kid goes, ‘yooo my daddy’s rich!’” “it looks like a badminton racket on steroids.” “it was by the skin on her chinny chin chin.” “we’re going to use the weight of history to raise our ramp.” “she was rich. and hot. and i was a dweeb.” “i can't draw a corvette.” “sucker’s gonna exaggerate….ah...accelerate.” “some bum wit says, ‘let’s put tin cans on the back of their car.’” “someone comes up with a big ‘ol truck because this is tennessee.” “you're gonna be wheel meat.” “move aside, pesticide.” “you put this if you wanna be cool.” “anyways, these guys go, ‘bitchin!’” *walks like a crab* “Shula? God?” “tow truck drivers come in two flavors.” “they brought a scale and a hard hat, and they were wearing pajamas. i don't know. this is [school].” “cas goes, ‘see joe? we’ll leave him as a hostage.’” “my brother by accident got accepted to a school in new hampshire.” “this is amazing. I’m shaking God’s hand.” “you know the way buildings work.” “people got upset because it was killing fish, so they decided to kill people instead.” “we’ll call him Joe Jerk because that's kind of what he was.” “i don't believe in slavery.” “energy is like pornography, you might not be able to define it, but most everyone recognizes it when they see it.” “she goes, 'mr [teacher], let’s do it.’ and i go ‘i’m married.’ and she goes, ‘NO, THE BOOK.” “I’m looking for pews. if anyone knows a church...I want catholic pews. they're the best.” “*draws a scribble* let's pretend this is art. ART.” “every once in awhile you run into one that's just so bitchin’ ass cool.” “there's not even a verb there. and this guy went to stanford.” “the right thing? or communists?” “oh, it was so bitchin!” “she looks like a chicken. and i'm like ‘This isn't cosplay.’” “there's spanish and then there's hippies.” “she was old. she must have been like 35.” “Ms. [other teacher] could have played the wicked witch in the wizard of oz.” “if i looked out far enough, i'd probably see a t rex out there.” “he's tighter than a mole’s bum.” “if i speak louder, they'll understand better.” “I. GEORGE.” “i love my mom and she loves me. like a rock.” “you can do it baby” (said three times to an inanimate object in one day.” “1+1 and 1x1 are the same answer.” “i'm using two seconds. if you're a loser, you can use one.” “a football field is like one and a half acres.” “what does that look like for a complete clover look?” “it was a gimungous space bagel.” “because on the black market, your torso can be used.” “he's not donald trump. he is todd. but he's todd-did-well.” “back then, they had a thing called grass.” “what was romeo and juliet in new york called?” “there's many ways to skin a cat.” “thou shall not have a disturbance at the front desk.” “live for your GPA. worship it.” “and then antarctica, where i'm going to send you if you laugh.” “you're in space just hanging out and the earth just hits you!” “if you did google translate from math-ish to english…” “if i happened to be in space and the moon were plowing around, would it hurt?” “russia, i can see it from my winda.” “where’d korea go?” “their last name was broccoli. the stupidest name in the world.” “i'm gonna be the only child i should have been.” “i'm not going to go into gender classification for doorknobs.” “how the hell do you get a lamborghini? that's like, really expensive.” “i liked mary-anne. she was not. and then there was that one actress i hated.” “real, 100% plastic plants.” “do not write this. ‘mister [teacher] thinks he shouldn't be afraid of bombs.’” “you comedysportz kids will get this. *tells story about astronauts.*” “*jumps excitedly* THIS IS SO BITCHIN!!” “bouncy bounce-that's my terminology.” “how did the pound sign get to be called hashtag?” “and you go, ‘what does this have to do with the price of beans?’ and it doesn't have anything to do with beans, but it has something to do with this story.” “Physics is racist.” “This perverted cat...” “You put the lime in the....oh no, that’s the wrong song.” “You know it’s a trumpet. Why? Because it’s got a flag hanging from it.” “WE’RE GONNA GO TO THE YMCA.” “She was very, well...very.” “You don’t have to be able to sing because they've got autocorrect.” “Nothing says ‘i love you’ like cutlery.” “I’ve been lifting weights for six years now and i’m half an inch shorter.” “I don’t have a neck. My muscles are too big.” “Dude, i think i can explain the universe with my saxophone.” “I love you a lot, but today, fuck you.” “The most religious people i've ever met are atheists.” “They got eyes on the top of their head because they’re weird people.” “Do you actually have to USE the fancy ass mathematics?” “It’s winter. Y’all can’t see shit.” “Your brain bone...what’s it called? SKULL!” “The definition of a cold is not snot!” “The first time you do heroine is the best. I don’t know. I’ve just happened to have met a lot of heroine addicts.” “I was making molten lead in the backyard.” “You know what dead people look like?” “Those of you who are pigmentally challenged.” “For a thousand effing bucks, i’ll wash their ass.” “So you invent liquid butter.” “You know what? We’re gonna kill china.” “The earth has gravity and it reaches out with these octopus tentacles.” “I want to meet Julius Caesar, but then I realized that was stupid.” "i know the moon's not a rabbit." "i never realized you could make a bridge explode." "i built a bridge that was the most bitchin ass coolest bridge i'd ever seen." "you know he's smart because he thought so much his hair all fell out." "nowadays we live in wussville" "[his name], you're going to hell." "maybe you've got a friend who's a drug dealer. they've got good scales." "i'm gonna make a flying buttress of a bridge." "spock wasn't people of color. he was green." "i hate bridges. me no do." "we have extendo-thing-o" "some of you have siblings who shoot up, so if you can get a needle, that helps." "it was the beginning of a life long love affair with this bridge." "if you're gonna trip out, don't do it in a tree." "you're not smarter. you're farter." "let's sit back and play the ukulele in a tree." "we'd go down to the bang bumpity bump." "*singing* i am so blue. i have. no clue. what shall we do? perhaps something new?" "the first picture is a fun. i know those of you who are anti gun are all upset but just deal with it a second." *spends ten minutes drawing a picture* *throws meter stick across classroom* "that's why we don't have glass on that cabinet anymore." "usually they don't offer loaded shotguns to six-year-olds." "you is fitty." "you know he's going fast. you know why? those lines are really long." "it's safer to fire guns in space." "at age six what the hell do you know about physics?" "do you feel physics?" "i have a brain ON my head." "you should not be looking up. you die." "there's a lot of possibilities. one is incorrect and the others are interesting." "all the kids were called mr. [his name]." "you eat, you piss." *talking about childbirth* "this is just like tug of war." "we went to this terrible store. it's called marshall's." "you still got beat up by some other group of kids. why? BECAUSE YOU'RE A DWEEB!" "Mom, i'm all fucked up. you should have made me play piano more." "let's pretend it's not true. it'll make me seem better. there was this dweeb..." "my fist is really upset with you." "how dare you? this is America. i can do whatever i want." "you know that's the problem? you're a selfish bastard" "life's good. the swedes win." "you can't, but if you happen to be a nerd at caltech, you can." "computers are very good at doing arithmetic." "we have a couple cross country losers here." *squats* "this is the answer to everything." "sue God." "it's all about having a 4.5 gpa and taking ap yoga." "winston churchill- who i love very dearly." "anyone who believes in seat belts is a wuss." "ever wonder why these old cars had gimungous trunks? it wasn't so you could put thirteen bodies in it and drive off." "i'm not trying to sound like an advertisement for swedish brains." "there are people like mr [name] out there. that guy's effing crazy." "the swedes. oh bless them." "i see this car coming straight at me at 70 miles an hour and i'm thinking 'what a nice car...'" "some religions are built on like gods and stuff. Thor..." "i can explain the whole world. i need calculus. i have to invent that first, but i can figure out the whole world." "we couldn't hit ships with beans with these things." "don't major in communications." "she's like a piranha." "why do you go to costco? ya loser." "i have a friend. he's a doctor. he's not stupid." "cool guys can spin the wheel with one hand.... i was told." "you're thinking, 'dude, physics.'" "youre sitting next to someone who's radiating gorgeous and you're like 'i'm radiating ugly.'" "why do you shop at wal-effing-mart?" "the way that God and Newton meant things to be." "that sounds stupid, but guys have never been good at deep thoughts." "you guys. better run fast because i'm gonna beat the bleep out of you." "oil companies are the modern day pirates." "they had discovered cocaine but it hadn't come to San Marino yet." "wow. you're a mr. negativity." “they put a godzilla level of give in there.” “with the exception of harvard, most colleges have an ethical standard.” *measures paper in megabytes* “sometimes my language is a bit salty.” “i apologize for biting your head off.” “there's just an achilles' tendon” “just taking cliff’s notes doesn't mean you know diddly shit about romeo and juliet.” “objects jump off of sharp pointy things.” “you could free range roam as far as you could range.”

#teacher #school #oh my gosh #kill me

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