#thank you to all the crewmates who followed for… literally any fandom i’m in

[braisedhoney]

[SCENARIO CONTINUED FROM HERE.]

You select the second oldest of the available files. An observation log — COLONY keeps these, or so you assume. He never leaves commentary or notes to organize them. He probably just memorizes them instead. The terminal beeps beneath your fingertips, every click practically a gunshot in the quiet room. Thanks to your pass you are technically permitted to be here by the system — but you know better. There are security measures here that were not to be violated. If you are discovered, if THIS is discovered, you would likely be in trouble. The screen loads. Text fills the margins. After a moment, you realize that it is not just a file; it’s a transcript and an audio sample. There’s also a small attachment of some kind, likely an image. You play the audio.

[LOADING. . . (A short period of complete silence. Then, rustling as footsteps approach, and the familiar whir of a door. A familiar voice fades in with them.) “… I told you, it isn’t going to work.” “So you’ve said, Captain.” (The door whirs again. Locks.) “Please don’t call me that. Everyone keeps calling me that. Really I mean, I don’t even know what to do with…” (The sound of movement. Footsteps, slightly heavier but more measured than the first. The sound of something opening with a mechanical hiss — a containment unit?) (A quiet sigh. It’s barely audible.) “That… isn’t what I think. Right? Another one?” (A chuckle.) “Don’t sound so unenthusiastic. It’s terrible for morale.” “Le—“ “Just put them on, won’t you? It can’t hurt. One more trial.” “… Fine! Fine.” (The footsteps draw closer.) “Good. Now grab my hand.” (A clang, like somebody knocked into something.) “No.” “Trust me.” (Rapidly receding footsteps joined by another set.) “No!”(A loud bang, like a fist slamming against metal. The footsteps stop.) “No.” “It’ll be fine.” “You don’t know that.” “I’m right.” “This isn’t the answer. It isn’t going to — it’ll never be the answer, Leander, and I don’t even know what it — you know you can’t, right? Can’t come back? Doing this won’t let you see her agai——!“ “Captain.” (Silence.) “… shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” “Prove it.” ”Leander, please.” “Grab my hand. This will work.” “…” “I swear.” (The seconds tick by. Then.) “You...” (Another chuckle. Warmer in tone.) “Didn’t I say I would do it? Didn’t I promise?” (Laughter. Loud, nearly hysterical laughter interrupts him. It’s boisterous, disruptive.) “You did! You did, you… you magnificent bastard, you really found a way to———“] The audio ends. You stare at the screen. No matter how long you look at it, the text does not continue, the audio file does not extend. All that remains is a single attachment. Frustration makes your jaw tense, but you don’t have time to waste being angry. You’re running out the clock as it is. You click it. [LOADING. . .]

And then the screen goes dark. No. Not just the screen — the whole room blacks out. Every terminal flickers off, every bulb extinguishes. For a moment, there is total, unfamiliar silence. Even the faint electric buzzing that comes with electronics is gone. You are completely alone. You turn, grasping blindly at the records pass, the imprint of the screen still on your eyes. You stumble for the door, and to your surprise the pass blinks green, the only light left in the room. It opens and you shove your way through into the hall — Only to slam into a barrier. You look around. There is no hallway. Of all times for the paths to shift… The room you are in is tiny. The door behind you closes, and there is no scanner on your side, nor a handle. It is completely featureless. There is no way to open it. You call for COLONY. There is no answer. You call for the Captain. There is no answer. You call for help. You call for help. You call. You call. you. c a l l. . . . . . . . . . [YOU CANNOT BE TRUSTED.] [. . . ] [THE CAPTAIN WILL LOOK FOR YOU.] [. . .] [BUT THE CAPTAIN WILL NOT FIND YOU.] [ . . . ] [I AM SORRY.] [I AM SURE THAT MEANS LITTLE. BUT I AM.] [CURIOSITY IS NOT A TERRIBLE THING.] [BUT I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT HUMANS QUITE LIKED CATS.] [. . .] [A POOR JOKE.] [I CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF IT WAS WORTH IT.] [I DOUBT IT.] [BUT I DO HOPE.]

(Scenario End. Ending: “Status Quo”.)

#tales aboard the hive #captain’s contests (interactive games) #i’m sorry for how brief this was! i didn’t want to drag it out if it ended up being not fun for people lol #i did it on a whim because i wanted to celebrate the whole HIVE thing #fun fact: if you had chosen either of the other two options there would have been entirely different conversation files! #each one with a different piece of art to go with it #back in the box those concepts go though ✨ #thank you to all the crewmates who followed for… literally any fandom i’m in #i promise more of that will come soon #just gotta get the HIVE brainrot out first #but hey if you did enjoy this lemme know #it was interesting to write #hive crewmates tag (ocs) #ney’s art #sona art

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X05 - Good Form

I remember loving this episode, but it will be GOOD to FORMulate an opinion on it once and for all!

...Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week!

But really, this episode has a ton going on from character work to backstories to points made about toxic masculinity. And if you want to hear more about all that, go right under that cut!

Press Release

With the deadly Dreamshade coursing through David’s body and close to death, Hook takes him on one last journey to find a sextant that could help them decipher a map that would lead them off Neverland. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, Killian Jones - aka Hook - and his brother, Captain Liam, sail off under orders of the King to find a powerful indigenous plant on an uncharted land that could help heal any injury.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

The story in the past segment is incredibly simple, but as I’ve said before, simple is good. It’s the finer details of the story that come together and turn it from serviceable to truly great and fortunately, this episode has that in spades.

”If this is a poison, it won’t just end a war, it will obliterate an entire race.” I do like that throughout this story, the villainy is kept with those that truly deserve it: The King and Pan. It would’ve been easy to villainize Liam for not listening to Killian and overestimating his own abilities against Pan, but the writers understood that he just made a mistake. He wasn’t a bad person, but made a bad decision and didn’t deserve his death (I mean, he probably deserved some type of bad death because of what happened with his last crew, but that episode wasn’t written yet). Liam’s death is framed correctly as a tragedy and something that a young man would do, especially when exposed to the “magic” of Useless Machismo Island (My new name for Neverland because holy fuck, there’s so much freakin’ machismo).

I love how literally all of Killian’s men stay by his side. It’s an amazing show of Killian’s leadership abilities, as he displays qualities like charisma and passion in ways that people listen to. It also shows a lot about Liam. Liam may have screwed over the last crew he worked with, but he definitely cared for his own.

Killian’s ending speech works so well. Throughout the entire flashback, it really looked to me like ending of Killian becoming a pirate for noble reasons and “good form” was going to lack the character consistency between the Killian we see at the end of the flashback and the suave sort of jerkass we see in “The Crocodile” and “Devil’s Due.” And that was nagging me throughout the segment as I watched it (As I’ve mentioned before, my Season 3 memories are not that hot apart from some select scenes and the broad strokes of the stories and arcs). But Killian’s speech does a great job of showing his hotheadedness. It’s not just enough to fuck over the king. Killian is taking his rage over Liam’s death on the whole realm, or at least the lands ruled by that same monarchy. I’m so glad that this was included because it reasserts Killian’s character that he has going forward -- noble, hotheaded, dramatic, and a leader.

Present

”You’re not here out of any nobility. You’re here for Emma.” I like how the theme of this segment is somewhat disproving this. By that, I mean that while Killian’s motivation for helping IS ultimately Emma, we see the form that his helping takes shape and it is in fact one of nobility (I know this gets a smidgen into shipping and I usually save that for the bottom and it is mostly there, but just indulge me here because I’ve thought on this for a while). Killian’s efforts, as he believes, will not help his chances with Emma. As far as he knows, David, if kept alive, will continue to keep pushing them apart. This is evidenced by Killian’s clear surprise when David gives him the credit and subsequent toast following their return to the campsite. He helps David for her, but so that she will have a father and a better shot at her son, not so that he will have a better shot at her.

The narrative makes a good point of differentiating Pan and Killian from each other. Unlike Pan who spoke in riddles while mentioning the effects of the Dreamshade, Killian was specific. Before giving David the water, he explicitly laid out the consequences of drinking it, demonstrating actual honor.

I also like how David points out that a lot of their current situation is in fact the result of Killian’s assholery. It allows for David to be granted more nuance then “I don’t like you because you’re a pirate” since it’s honestly been a while since these events occurred. Like, I remember it, but the current story trajectory has made some of Season 2’s events somewhat distant and bringing that back up is appreciated. Without that, this segment would’ve felt way too on Killian’s side but because it’s here, David’s distrust of Killian is not as frustrating for the viewer to sit through.

I am so glad that Emma sides with Regina over whether to remove the Lost Boy’s heart or not and it is framed as an ultimate positive. It falls in line with her rage and dismisses Snow’s shitty ass platitudes. All of the frustration that’s been building in Regina has been building in Emma too and she’s not about to let a tangible means of results in getting at the very least a message out to Henry go away. And it is honestly so worth it. The mirror call is beautiful and energetic and the smiles that the scene leaves off on after the it’s completed is one of the most satisfying moments in the entire arc. When people talk about how dark magic can be used for good, this is one of the better examples of this.

All Encompassing

I know that this is probably one hell of a stretch, but I can’t help but feel like this episode as a whole is taking a sledgehammer to toxic masculinity. Men (David and Liam) not listening to other men (Killian and Pan) is what puts them in their shitty situations but clear communication (Killian being upfront about the water and Liam telling Killian his plans for the king) are resolutions. Neverland really is a land of toxic masculinity. In addition to so many men not listening to each other, we see with the Lost Boys that they have no problems getting violent with each other, using each other, and not apologizing for it afterwards, with Henry acting as a contrast for their behavior because of how he was brought up in Storybrooke.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Opening shots in this series that start with the moon are incredible!

-”Not bad.” My thoughts exactly! Neal did a good job with those wooden swords!

-”Don’t you know the best thing about being a Lost Boy? You never apologize.” Then you guys are just flat out rude! Fucking toxic masculinity. Neverland SERIOUSLY needs to rename itself Useless Machismo Island.

-”I also know what it’s like to lose hope.” Okay look, the way this line was delivered really didn’t work for me. For one thing, it IS wasting time and Killian is usually not one to do that. For another, I didn’t like him stepping in her way. Look, you know I love CS and I’ll be having fun down below by the end of the episode, but that didn’t do it and part of this rewatch is emotional honesty. Part of me thinks that that works because Killian’s almost manufactured attempt to bond fails whereas the more natural one at the end of the episode succeeds, but I still didn’t like the moment as a whole.

-Damn, I love shots of the Jolly Roger that show off its impressive length (Innuendo somewhat intended). It really is a magnificent beast of a ship. And listen to the score in the background. The brass section beautifully plays this triumphant sea-themed melody!

-Wow! I think this is the most crewmates in terms of numbers that we’ve ever seen on The Jolly Roger! I don’t know if they just wanted a lot of navy men/pirates for this episode or because they wanted to show the dangers of being a pirate. I counted during Killian’s ending speech and there were at least 15 guys there!

-”And drunkenness leads to bad form.” This line is great because we see Killian trying so hard to be good (To an almost comedic and cartoony degree for me personally) and is especially made more effective because of our insight into Killian’s adolescence as a slave.

-Anyone notice the extra-as-fuck drop of the rum bottle into the harbor? XD

-”My little brother.” “Perhaps you mean younger brother.” Okay, I LOVE this line in canon, but the fandom has utterly RUINED it for me through its sheer OVERUSE in fanworks. I can’t read a single Brothers Jones or CS fic featuring Liam and NOT see this exchange. It’s not like there aren’t other overused quotes I see, but just that one seriously needs a rotation. *Ahem* Pardon the tangent.

-”A Hero’s journey.” I’m just picturing Killian thinking about how he and Liam started off at the bottom of the world and are now so close to heroes.

-”You’re never gonna get her. I’ll see to that.” David, Emma is a grown woman. Fuck off with the machismo!

-Okay, Killian is my favorite character at this moment purely because he is not having ANY of the machismo bullshit David keeps throwing his way. He’s playing caretaker and nurse proudly!

-I like how literally EVERYONE on that ship besides the lieutenant knew what the fuck the Pegasus was. Like literally EVERYONE! The fuck?

-Damn, when you look at the Roger from the bottom, it’s even bigger. No wonder it’s a pirate ship! It’s got such a big booty!

-There’s something so awe-inducing about a pirate (Or navy, at the time) ship soaring through the sky and I’m so glad that this comes back during “Save Henry.” The contrast of the clouds and the ship is so whimsical and childlike and wonderful because of that.

-Can you even see stars during the day, even with a sextant?

-”Tell him grandpa loves him.” You should probably specify which one, David. After all, “you can have more than one [grandfather].”

-*Watches Daddy Charming hug* I’ve read it before, but Josh Dallas is in fact, dad shaped.

-*Watches that Lost Boy hunt a pig and then remembers how that went in “Lord of the Flies”* Thank you, Snow!

-”Henry did [Nicked the kid’s cheek].” I love how the second he says that, Emma and Regina go into this “What the FUCK did Pan do to our little boy?” mode.

-”At least you got to say goodbye. Most people don’t get that much.” Damn, that line is powerful with hindsight. Even David drops his machismo because he knows something is up.

-”He was a thief and a liar.” To be fair, David, at the moment, you’re the one lying. I normally don’t subscribe to the “heroes are hypocrites” mentality, but this is a rare hiccup in that.

-*Killian steps up in the present and down in the past* Have I ever mentioned how much I love the segues on this show? Well...here’s another great one. See also: Unconscious bodies segue!

-Wow. The first daytime shots of Neverland are so breathtaking. The way the sun shines through the clouds and the jungle/mountains lurk in the distance is stunning! And the beach is just flawless! Fantastic camera work!

-Killian, I love you, but you just can’t rock the ponytail, bro. Short hair is your friend.

-You know, something I realize: Killian’s pretty freakin great at reading people! He can immediately tell that Pan isn’t full of shit in the past.

-I like how Killian puts up no rebellion at the idea of talking to Pan. Even though they’re on opposing sides, he knows Pan can kill them all with the snap of a finger and he’s not about to risk that.

-”Emma would never leave her son.” “She did once before.” FUCK. YOU. PAN.

-”Have a drink. You know it always helps you think.” Pan is just savage af in this episode. He’s pulling no punches!

-Liam, no! Don’t succumb to the machismo! Not like this!

-I’m not sure about how I feel about Emma tipping so close to the edge of strangling a Lost Boy, but this “What the FUCK did Pan do to Henry?”-induced rage is really well acted!

-Fuck yeah, Regina!!! Mirror magic used for good! *High fives*

-I would hardly call that goading, Pan!

-Operation Cobra Rescue. I liked the innocence of Operation Henry because Regina made it, but I like that Emma has her own name for it too.

-Killian really rocks that face mask. Someone make a sexy dark doctor/serial killer Killian fic, a’ight?

-”That you were stubborn, yes. I gathered that rather quickly.��� I LOVE the Captain Charming banter here.

-I love Killian’s smile. So much. And his little wink.

-Mama Swan’s got some convictions when it comes to Henry!

-Damn, the ladies were ready for one hell of a fight before David and Killian showed up! Just look at those battle poses!

-That little nod Killian gives David after David tells everyone “what happened.” Awww! THE BROMANCE IS ALIVE! CAPTAIN CHARMING IS ALIVE!

-”Mates.” Emma, you are too fucking adorable.

-I love how immediately following the kiss, Emma has a plan developed to stop them from getting questioned by everyone! Smart as a whip!

-Killian! I know Neverland sucked, but a flying ship is never a bad thing!

-I love that Killian gets hyper defensive when Pan mentions Neal’s name. Like “don’t mention his name, you little shit!”

-I don’t know whether to praise this final scene for being a great fake out of Killian potentially abandoning the goodwill he built up or annoyed because once again, this ending means nothing. It’s literally just exposition. That said, I like the expedience, so I’m willing to forgive it.

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - We finally get a message out to Henry!

Henry Not Believing in His Family - This storyline frankly sucked and I am so glad it’s over. Henry’s belief in his family and the question of whether or not it would hold (Besides having an obvious answer) was in no way engaging. The circumstances that brought on any possibilities of him not believing in his family were contrived and hardly related to his character. Additionally, the writing for it as a whole was inconsistent. One scene has Henry towing the line of losing faith in his family and the next has his steadfast. One scene has him fighting or dancing and having a good time and the next has him apologizing and being a pacifist. This isn’t character complexity. It’s weak character writing. I know I didn’t bring up this segment before, tough that’s only because it’s so freakin’ short and yet it’s given this huge amount of emphasis. Watching it again, I can’t fathom why the time wasn’t spent focused on Henry and Wendy meeting and becoming friends with Pan pulling the strings on both sides, like we get soon afterwards. That would’ve been much more focused and served as an effective story that played into Henry wanting to be a hero and showed more of Pan being an evil bastard. Hell, there could even be a connection made between Neal and Henry because of Neal’s friendship with Wendy. It actually baffles me. Did they just not have Wendy available for the first six or seven episodes? Did they not want to pay the actress?

Killian’s Redemption - Killian takes his first big step forward into redemption here. He risks his life to help a man who dislikes him. It feels like a very good build up that’s been happening with him since the Season 2 finale. Also, ”You’re good at surviving.” I like how Killian takes this concept that Pan presents to him and thoroughly flips it throughout the rest of the series.

Regina’s Redemption - This is a relatively smaller instance, but it means so much. At the end of the call with Henry, Regina says “We love you.” Call it a hunch, but just a season back and she would’ve said “I” and not “We.” And Emma actually returns that, calling Henry “our” son in their next scene. That’s a far cry from the “my son” arguments of Seasons 1 and 2 and it fits perfectly.

Favorite Dynamic

David and Killian. David and Killian’s bonding feels very natural to me and as that’s the heart of the episode, it was one of the two most important things that they get right. And thankfully, they did! Killian is put into a position where he’s in the right, but it is made clear why the respect that comes with that needs to be earned. Killian and David works together to do what they each think is their own greater good in their own way creates this really engaging friction that is fun to watch. Their banter has a good rhythm to it and can be funny at times, particularly when they’re talking about their brothers.

Writer

Christine Boylan and Daniel Thomsen take their first whacks at Season 3, and it’s really good! Like many of the best OUAT episodes, the past and present segments act as a bit of a mirror in regards to the broad strokes of the story. It’s not super subtle or anything, but what it is is concise. Additionally, the dialogue was great, with only Snow having lines that are intentionally trite. Everything else feels natural for the individual characters.

Rating

Golden Apple. What a wonderful episode! It really is. Just like “Nasty Habits,” the story and character work is incredibly tight. The nuance of who Killian is and was gets delved into and challenged, doing a great job of fleshing the character out. Additionally, for an episode that did little to further the story of saving Henry in the grand scheme of things, it did an incredible job in not making that feel like that was the situation with its character progression and a good ending to an arc that didn’t deserve such dignity.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - While not off to the strongest start IMHO, this episode’s CS goodness grows fast! First, while David attempts to ward off Killian from his attempts at courtship, Killian remarks that she’s a grown woman who can take care of herself. Second, even though it was a lie to keep the truth about David’s condition at bay, Killian is very genuine about his concerns over Henry’s mental state. Third, Killian IMMEDIATELY responds to Pan’s offer to let he and Emma escape the island by pointing out that Emma would never leave Henry. Fourth, Emma actually stays behind to chat up Killian after the rest of the group has gone their separate ways and I was grinning like an utter buffoon here! Fifth, Emma makes the mood playful with the “mates” line. Sixth, THE KISS! Killian looks blown away by it, the frozen state of his hand showing how unexpected it was! But when he catches up, BOY does he catch up! And Emma’s so passionate with it too! Not only does she initiate it, but just like her father with her mother, her lips are like a heat-seeking missile of love! It’s incredible!!! And that kiss LASTS for a good few seconds! It gets a wonderful score to it! They almost look like they’ll continue it! Even when it ends, they’re both fuckstruck by it. The feelings consume them!

Snowing - If you’ve ever needed to be convinced of Snow and David’s love (And you very likely haven’t), look no further than the way David kisses and talks to his wife in this episode. Knowing that he’s gonna die, he leaves as much on the table with her as possible, kissing her forehead as well as lips AND telling her he loves her. And when he recovers, David’s lips are like fucking heat-seeking missiles, going right for his wife’s lips and putting EVERYTHING into that kiss. AND the one afterwards! It’s romantic and sexy as hell!

-----

Thank you for reading this and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales! Just one more day before NJ OUAT CON! Woo-hoo!!! I’m going to try to get the last review for the week (“Ariel”) out tomorrow (Or queue it up for Friday), but if not, you’ll get FOUR reviews next week!

Damn, I’m seeing Gil (Prince Eric) soon. I can’t wait to be...part of his world.

Season 3 Total (39/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (9/60) Kalinda Vazquez (10/40) Andrew Chambliss (10/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (10/40) Robert Hull (10/40) Christine Boylan (10/20) Daniel Thomsen (10/30)

Operation Rewatch Archives

#ouat #once upon a time #watching fairytales #ouat 3x05 #ouat rewatch #jenna watches ouat

[canniballistics]

Olive Branches

fandom: wolf 359 pairs: none ao3 version here. written for DigitalMeowMix for yuletide 2016! it was an absolute delight to write ;u;

Tired of wrangling her new crewmates into cooperating and sick of expecting a mutiny at any time, Lovelace decides not to follow up when she hears a couple of them planning. Are they actually plotting against her, though? Or is it something else entirely? Plus, bad puns, a makeshift celebration, holy hell, and an offense to life, the universe, and everything.

"Come ooon!"

He was wheedling, but that wasn't any different from normal. In fact, it was actually becoming something of a comfort. A bit of normalcy in the middle of what was absolutely a neverending nightmare cycle of catastrophe and fixing and catastrophe and fixing. As obnoxious as it could be, from time to time, she actually somewhat enjoyed it.

"Can't she hear us right now? I don't know if you've thought this plan all the way through."

She could hear them. They didn't know it, but she could.

"She can't. It'll be fine! Now are you in, or out?"

A sigh. She should have figured. She should have known something like this would happen, knew something like this would happen; and she knew she should stay, to figure out what they were planning, how they were going to undermine her. But for some reason, today, she couldn't. She didn't want to know. She didn't want to find out. She'd had enough of treachery and betrayal and anticipating the worst; today, she would give it a rest.

Lovelace pushed away from the wall, moving herself along the corridors back up to the bridge. She'd noticed Eiffel and Minkowski acting shifty when they thought she wasn't looking; Eiffel had grabbed Minkowski, and Lovelace tailed them as they snuck off to Selberg — Hilbert's old lab, the one that Eiffel had let slip Rhea had no eyes on. Whatever went on in there, she was blind to it. It made a pretty decent war room to plan in, since one of their co-conspirators was incapable of lying to her commanding officer.

...Hera. Her name was Hera now. Not Rhea. Her name was Hera, and she was...something. A personality all her own. In all honesty, she liked Hera a lot better than Rhea. Hera could actually respond to jokes.

"Hera."

"Yes, Captain?"

Lovelace didn't want to wonder just how eager Hera would be to help Eiffel and Minkowski with their mutiny. Best to keep both of their minds off such things, at least for a little while. "What's the saltiest fish in the sea?"

It took a minute for Hera to respond. "Uh... What?"

"It's a joke. A pun, actually." Lovelace didn't look up as she pulled out navigational charts, comparing them with notes on the shuttle's repair progress and projections. "What," she repeated, "is the saltiest fish in the sea?"

"I..." Hera paused. "I know the correct answer, but if it's a pun, I'm afraid you'll have to enlighten me." Was that resignation in her voice? Hatred? Lovelace didn't want to think so, but there was a good chance of it. "What is the saltiest fish in the sea?"

"Tuna."

There was silence on the bridge. At this point, Lovelace was very pointedly not looking up, partially because she almost expected to see a quizzical face staring back at her like she was insane, but mostly because if she did, she might start laughing. It was a stupid pun. A really stupid pun. But it was so bad it was good, and one of her favorites.

Finally, finally, Hera responded. "Excuse me? How is tuna the saltiest fish in the sea? That's a terrible joke, tuna aren't even comparable to—"

"It's a chemistry joke, Hera. Remember, joke? Not literal." Lovelace cleared away the navigational charts, instead pulling up the list of repairs she still needed done. This one was a little less depressing. A little. "Na is the symbol for sodium on the periodic table of elements, right? It's 2Na. Tuna."

Hera didn't say anything, and after a few minutes it began to feel like an eternity. Lovelace stood there, listening to the ambient noises of the station, the quiet hissing of air being filtered in and out of the room, the low groans as the hull creaked. Oh god. She hadn't fried Hera's personality matrix with a bad pun, had she? "Hera?"

"That is the worst pun I've ever heard. And that's including the ones Officer Eiffel has told me."

Finally, Lovelace laughed. "Wow. That bad, huh? I'm honored, Eiffel does seem like a fount of useless phrases."

"Pft." If Hera had a physical body, Lovelace was positive she'd be shaking her head. "Just make sure he never hears that one. I'm pretty sure he stores all the really bad jokes to use on Commander Minkowski when she least expects it."

Almost as if it were divine providence, the doors to the bridge whooshed open, and Eiffel and Minkowski walked in. Both their eyes narrowed once they noticed Lovelace, though at least Eiffel's look was less suspicious.

"Did I just hear something about bad jokes? Did I miss somethin' good?" He strode in past Minkowski and Lovelace, overly casual and way too obvious with it as he relaxed into a nearby chair. "C'mon, don't be stingy. Share with the class, ladies!"

"No. Please be stingy," Minkowski groaned. She looked exhausted. So did Eiffel. Lovelace couldn't help feeling a little guilty for working them both so hard. Then, she remembered hearing them plotting. The guilt evaporated a shade. Minkowski brushed her hair out of her face, attempting to tie it back into a tight ponytail. "If I ever hear another bad joke, it'll be way too soon."

"Are you sure?" Lovelace couldn't help it, smirking just a little at her. It was an olive branch, a tiny one. A shred of camaraderie, despite knowing about their plot. She understood, after all. If she were in their position, she would probably do the same. "I'm told this one is worse than all of his previous works."

"Now you've gotta tell me," Eiffel insisted. "Captain, bad jokes only make me stronger, and if it's as bad as you say then we gotta get my power level to over 9000."

Lovelace frowned. It could only be another of his ridiculous pop culture references, but… what did that even mean? She looked at Minkowski, who only shrugged, shook her head. "Hera?"

"Nnnope."

"One of these days, Eiffel, one of your references is going to make sense to one of us." Lovelace rolled her eyes at him, a short grin. "One of these days."

"Knowing the two of you?" He yawned, stretching as he did. "Probably not ever gonna happen. Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop trying, though. C'mon, did neither of you watch any Dragonball Z when you were kids? No, wait, don't tell me. You were both too busy with your Terminator training to watch cartoons. Figures."

Lovelace couldn't help a small chuckle. "I can neither confirm nor deny those charges." And in the way most contagious things went, she raised a hand to stifle her own yawn. "We worked pretty hard today. Think it might be time to call it a night, huh?"

"Really? You're giving us the night off?" Eiffel pulled out a watch, whistling low. "Captain, it's only 1900 hours. Are you feeling all right? There's still a few more things to do—"

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Well, I was trying to be generous, but if you want a few more tasks, that can always be arranged."

Minkowski shot him a glare, and almost immediately, Eiffel jumped back out of his chair. "Nope! Never mind, I'm good, thanks! Night, Captain!"

It didn't escape her that both he and Minkowski left together after a polite, "Good night, Captain Lovelace," from Minkowski. She allowed herself a small smile at seeing how close they were, unable to help wondering if they'd have ever become friends if they weren't on this mission. Knowing Eiffel, probably not. So, one good thing had come from this hellscape they were all trapped in.

That was a comfort to think about, at least.

Lovelace took a deep breath, running a few more scans on the shuttle before shaking her head. She couldn't concentrate. Hera, Minkowski, and Eiffel reminded her too much of her own crew, of Fourier, Hui, Lambert, and Fisher. A slightly smaller crew this time, obviously, but the camaraderie was there, the genuine caring for each other. Of course, there was also the fact that Selberg was still alive, was going by Hilbert now, but as long as they kept him away from her, she would suffer his continued existence.

This time when she called Hera's name, it was quiet, almost none of the joviality from before. "Hera?"

"Yes, Captain?"

Honestly, she wasn't sure she wanted to ask this question. It would bother her, though, if she didn't. If she didn't at least find out. "Obviously, Cutter didn't tell Eiffel and Minkowski about my crew and I before sending them on this mission." She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the answer. "Did they tell you?" A pause. "I mean, did they keep information about us? Is there anything in your databanks about us?"

"One moment, please." Hera was silent then, and Lovelace took the opportunity to marvel at how efficient she was, even with all the things Eiffel told her had happened. She was such a contrast to Rhea and the beeps she could only give in response. And when she finally answered, it didn't surprise Lovelace at all. "I'm sorry, Captain Lovelace. There's nothing about you, your crew, or even another Hephaestus station in my memory."

Lovelace sighed. It didn't surprise her, but that didn't mean it wasn't still a bit of a disappointment. Knowing what she did of Command, she wouldn't have been surprised if they'd swept all traces of their existences from the face of the Earth, too. "I didn't think so. Thank you, Hera."

"That's not to say they don't have records somewhere, Captain!"

Lovelace narrowed her eyes, looking up. "Hera?"

She sounded a little cowed, almost embarrassed at the exclamation. "That is, I mean— I'm sure they probably have all the files on you still, somewhere, and just didn't give me access. They had to know what they'd need to improve...upon..." There was an awkward pause. "Sorry, Captain Lovelace. I didn't mean to say it like that."

There was a dark little laugh. "It's all right, Hera. I get it. And you know what, you're probably right." Just one more thing to take back when she finally got back to Canaveral.

"Captain?" That surprised her, and Lovelace cocked her head. "Can I... Why do you ask?"

Ah. She hummed. "I don't remember where I heard it, exactly." Lovelace busied herself with clearing her workspace, everything back in its proper place. "There's a belief out there that when someone dies, it's not really the end. They're still alive, as long as someone remembers them." A deep breath. God, she missed them. Even Lambert, that stick in the mud. "I still remember them. If Command wants to erase us, they're going to have to go through me first." Her fist closed, knuckles pressing into the console in front of her. "And when I get back, I'm taking whatever they have on us. As far as I'm concerned, they don't deserve to even say their names."

Hera didn't say anything while Lovelace finished tidying up. It was all right. She didn't really expect her to, especially not if Hera believed she'd really leave her behind when they left. She made her way down the winding corridors to the quarters she temporarily called her own — the irony that they were Hilbert's didn't escape her. As she changed out of her uniform, started to wind down for the night, Hera finally spoke up again.

"You're a very brave woman, Captain Lovelace. I'm sorry they did this to you."

Lovelace closed her eyes. She wasn't brave. She was angry. She was angry, and she was going to rain holy hell on Cutter and everyone else who'd decided her crew was expendable. "Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, Captain. Good night."

"Good night, Hera."

She spent the evening reviewing Eiffel and Minkowski's logs, and when she could no longer stand reading about the second Hephaestus mission, turned off the lights and went to sleep.

Lovelace woke with her former crew's voices echoing in the back of her head, Lambert scolding Fisher and Fourier as they laughed; it was a strange sensation, at once unsettling and yet comforting. She hadn't thought about them very often since boarding the new Hephaestus. Sure, she'd thought about them, about how what had been done to them was unforgivable and wrong, but not the people themselves. It was...nice to dream about the people, rather than reliving the nightmare of losing everyone one by one.

When she got to the bridge, she was surprised to find it empty. She'd given up on Eiffel waking before 1000 hours, but Minkowski was always either awake before her, or just on her heels to it. To find her not in the bridge, even after Lovelace had allowed herself an extra fifteen minutes to fully wake, came as a bit of a shock.

"Morning, Hera."

"Good morning, Captain. Or, whatever passes for morning here. You know how Wolf 359 never..sets, or anything."

Lovelace laughed. "Yeah, I'm familiar. Thanks for maintaining such a steady clock for us to judge by, by the way."

"Oh, it's nothing," Hera deflected, but there was a note of pride in her voice. "Thank you for noticing! You humans don't seem to understand just how important it is to maintain a normal routine every day. Flesh bodies are so unreliable."

A pause. "Uh huh. I'm not sure I want to know," Lovelace grinned.

"That's probably for the best."

Lovelace shook her head, but couldn't wipe the smile from her face. God, she'd missed this. "Hey, speaking of routine, can you tell me where Lieutenant Minkowski is? She's normally here before even me, it's almost weird not to see her."

"One second, please."

Lovelace stretched as she waited. How convenient would it be to be a near omni-prescient AI? Hera could scan the entire station within seconds. Maybe she was onto something about flesh bodies being inconvenient.

"Ugh!"

Lovelace frowned. That was new. "Hera? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Hera grumbled. "She and Eiffel keep going into that room. The one I can't see. He told you about it. If you're looking for Commander Minkowski, you'll find her there." Lovelace could almost imagine her crossing her arms over her chest and pouting as she continued, "I hate it when I can't see what's going on in my own station!"

That sobered Lovelace's mood a little. She'd nearly forgotten about the duo plotting yesterday. She took a deep breath, pushing away from the console she'd been holding onto. "Thanks, Hera. How about this: I'll go find out what they're doing, since you helped me find them. We'll figure out what they're doing."

"Are you sure, Captain? It might just be nothing."

"Oh, I'm sure." They'd wanted to make sure they were secretive enough yesterday. Time to figure out what their plan was, and put a stop to it.

The first sign that something was up was the marker floating in the middle of the hallway toward Hilbert's old lab. Lovelace stared at it for a few seconds before plucking it out of midair. What the hell? She paused on the threshold, trying to listen around the corner to see if she could hear anything; when all she got was hushed whispers, she closed her eyes. Sighed. So it would come to this, huh? She took a deep breath and swung around the corner—

—and just narrowly avoided crashing directly into Eiffel.

"Whoa! Captain Lovelace, careful! Are you okay?"

"I, uh— Yeah. Yes. I'm fine," she stammered. She hadn't expected to literally run into one of them. And now that she was actually in the room with them, it...didn't look like some kind of dastardly mutiny plan at all. In fact, it looked like... "What are you two doing?" She asked, nearly as confused as she'd been on seeing the Hephaestus again.

"Did we not tell you?" Eiffel looked over his shoulder at Minkowski, who had her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she worked. "Sorry, Captain, it was kind of rushed— C'mon in!" And as he ushered her into the room, he stuck his head back into the hallway, calling out, "Sorry, Hera! Borrowing the Captain for a little while!"

There was an unintelligible protest before the door slid shut behind them, and as Eiffel explained what they were doing, Lovelace couldn't help but laugh. She'd been stressing over this? She shook her head, unsure whether she'd underestimated this crew, or if she'd overestimated them. But—

"All right, I'm in," she said. "Where do I start?"

Eiffel grinned, handing her a handful of materials. "Get to work, Captain."

A few hours passed before any of them left the lab after that. Hilbert joined them once or twice to give updates on the project he'd been working on for them, giving her a wide berth as he reported to Eiffel. Lovelace noted silently that, interestingly enough, even though both of them technically outranked him, they were deferring to him for this. No doubt it was his plan, the thing he'd been trying to persuade Minkowski about yesterday. The fact he was awake so early was impressive enough by itself; that Minkowski and Hilbert were both following his directions was just ridiculous. It was endearing, though, and Lovelace found herself taking to the work.

When they were finally ready, they gathered together to concoct the final stage of the plan, and once the details were ironed out, they nodded conspiratorially, and readied to fulfill their parts.

Minkowski was first out of the room. "Hera, will you help me out? I want to see if we can patch you into that room, so that you don't have any blind spots anymore."

"Finally," Hera exclaimed. "We might be able to go in through the power conduits in engineering..."

Her voice trailed off, following Minkowski as she moved towards the engineering section. As soon as they were out of sight, Eiffel and Lovelace shot into the hall, making their way towards the comms room as quickly as they could. There was no doubt Hera could still see them, but it helped to have her attention split elsewhere. The two of them scrambled to and fro across the comms room, sticking signs and cut-out shapes all over the walls and non-vital equipment. Wherever they could, and by the time Minkowski returned, Hilbert had joined them with his contribution. He was also, quite noticeably, the only one who didn't chime in when they shouted.

"Uh, guys?" Hera sounded troubled as she spoke. "What did you do?"

Eiffel was the loudest as he and Minkowski, and to a lesser, quieter extent, Lovelace, all shouted out, "Happy birthday, Hera!"

"My... But I don't have a birthday. Comes with being artificial, y'know?"

"Pshaw." Eiffel grinned. "You're just as much a member of the crew as any of us, and your program was booted up for the first time sometime, right? Since none of us know, and we haven't celebrated it yet, we've got at least some chance of it being today!"

"So you... You did this all for me?" The room was covered in stars, and flowers, and makeshift banners, and hastily scribbled (and possibly badly translated) binary code, all with some permutation of happy birthday and you're the best and other ridiculous sentiments written across them. It was completely absurd, but... "You guys!" Hera seemed to love it. So, it was worth it.

Minkowski elbowed Eiffel as Hera exclaimed about the decorations, and Lovelace was just barely able to make out a quiet, "This was a good plan," as she did. It seemed to spur Eiffel into motion, who jumped.

"Wait!" He turned to Hilbert, who'd been loitering at the edge of the room — there was a tray in his hands, with four oddly-shaped lumps on it. If Lovelace squinted, they almost looked like… "I almost forgot the piece de resistance!" Eiffel took the tray, proudly displaying the lumps. "Now, obviously we don't have any real ingredients, and if we did I doubt Dr. Caligari here would be the guy to turn to. But I got him to whip up some—"

"The closest approximation," Hilbert interrupted, shifting uncomfortably.

"Fine, the closest he could get, to cupcakes!" Eiffel eyed the things on the tray, frowning. "Wow, Doc, you really...didn't put in any effort into these at all, did you?"

"Is rather difficult to synthesize the taste and texture of doughy substances when you have neither flour nor baking soda." Hilbert frowned, muttering, "I did the best I could with what I have, in a very short time frame."

Eiffel eyed him for a moment. "Sure you did. Anyway, I figured that, since you don't have a mouth, Hera, you'd get to celebrate by watching us eat these and try not to die horribly! And I know what you're thinking," he said, reaching out to grab Hilbert's arm and keep him from floating away. "This guy's tried to kill all of us at least once; how do we know he didn't poison these? Fair question. If you'll notice, there are four; Hilbert is going to eat one first, to prove they're safe!"

There was silence for a moment. Then, "You know what? I'm okay with this." And if Lovelace didn't know any better, she could definitely believe that Hera was grinning as she said it.

Hilbert shot Eiffel a dark look before reaching for one of the lumps; before his fingers could close around it, however, Eiffel snatched it out of his grasp and instead tossed it to Minkowski. There was a distinct harrumph as Hilbert grabbed a different one, staring at it sullenly. Eiffel offered the tray to Lovelace, who took one for herself, and then he let it float away as he claimed the last.

"You don't make cake with baking soda, by the way." Eiffel was smug as he said it. "It's baking powder. Now eat up, Doc."

"I want the both of you to remember that this was Eiffel's idea," Hilbert groused, before taking a bite of his "cupcake". His jaw worked up and down for a minute, a conspicuously chewy noise heard throughout the room, before he swallowed it, visibly straining to do so. And then he glared. "Your turns."

The "cupcake" was grotesque: it had about the same consistency as taffy mixed with oat, with a distinctly seaweed taste; within minutes all four of them were gagging and shoving the creation as far away as possible. "Ugh, that is just— That's just offensive," Minkowski moaned.

"I know, right?" Eiffel agreed, scraping at his tongue. "I can't get it to go away!"

Lovelace couldn't stop the shudder sliding up and down her spine; the taste was just so pervasive, and so disgusting. "That," she gagged, "was an offense to life, the universe, and everything in it."

"I dunno, I thought it was pretty great!"

There was an aggrieved chorus of "Hera!" from the humans. Once they got their tastebuds under control, Hilbert gathered the remains of the "cupcakes" and the tray, muttering something about disposing of these abominations; not long after, Eiffel began singing "Happy Birthday", and even managed to get Minkowski to join in.

Lovelace grinned as she watched them, and was struck with a sudden flash of her own crew, celebrating for Dr. Hui. It made her homesick, a little bit. They were great people, and she knew she would always regret that she couldn't protect them. More and more, however, she was finding that a fondness (however begrudging) was starting to form for this new crew. Maybe in time they would welcome her into their fold; who knew, maybe in letting her in on Hera's birthday, they already were. Watching them now, though, they weren't so different from her old one, and it was a comfort she was beginning to want to protect.

#wolf 359 #renee minkowski #isabel lovelace #doug eiffel #hera #alexander hilbert #kieran writes