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staticscreenwriting · 6 years

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Everything there is - Billy Hargrove

Synopsis: Billy’s mom is not dead in this one. She has a boyfriend though and Billy isn’t sure if he fits into this new family dynamic.

A/N: I like this story it was fun to write. I do hate the header image though, it didn’t work out the way I wanted it but at least I hope the writing is good. Hope you enjoy, feedback is very much appreciated ♥

“ I can't remember what I used to do Who I trusted whom, I listened to before I swear you've taught me everything I know Can't imagine needing someone so But through the years it seems to me I need you more and more “

Iron Maiden’s Wrathchild is blasting from his stereo, as Billy Hargrove lays on the floor of his childhood bedroom. A sweltering, clammy heat has taken over California and the floor seems to be the only place providing some kind of cooling.

The gray muscle shirt is sticking to his skin like a damn glove and he feels disgusting. It’s like all the whining he’d done about it not being warm enough in Indiana, has finally come back to bite him in the ass.

Sure he could go downstairs where there are actual working fans in several rooms that still possess all of their blades, unlike the one in his room. He could go downstairs in favor of a less sticky, less uncomfortable surrounding but really he’ll take sweaty balls over the shit downstairs any day.

Going downstairs means dealing with Craig. Dealing with his mom. Dealing with his mom and Craig. As a couple. As a family. As two people who don’t seem to be able to stop kissing and hugging and touching like a bunch of teenagers who have just discovered french kissing for the first time in their goddamn lives. A couple who bought a cat together, a fat ginger one, and called it Cat Benatar. Who do crossword puzzles together over the breakfast table and watch game shows cuddled up on the sofa every saturday evening and who go to concerts together and road trips and dates to the bowling alley. A couple who’s happy. A family that’s complete.

Going downstairs means seeing all of this and realizing once again how out of place he is here. How much he doesn’t fit into this life, this family. How happy his mom is. Without him.

It’s half an hour later and an entire run through the Killers album again, that a knock sounds at Billy’s door.

He grumbles a “come in” and hopes the person doesn’t hear it and just assumes he’s asleep or busy — or dead, and leaves him alone.

They don’t.

Craig, all blue eyes and over the top toothpaste commercial smile, sticks his head through the slightly opened door and looks at Billy as if he’s about to drop some life changing news, like a lottery win or something.

He doesn’t.

Instead he approaches Bill with a “Hey Bud” effectively wanting Billy to punch himself unconscious so he never has to hear anyone, let alone this complete stranger, call him Bud. Or champ. Or any of those weird ass nicknames Craig has been hurling at him since him and mom had picked him up from the airport.

Billy is 18, not 8. Those nicknames stopped being funny or endearing a while ago and at 18 they’re pretty much just creepy.

Also he’s not Craig’s Buddy in the first place so he doesn’t know where he got that idea from.

“ You wanna come downstairs for lunch ? Your mom made some sandwiches. Asked her to add some extra bacon. I heard you like that. I can remember when I was your age I would put bacon on literally everything”.

Billy finds it hard to even imagine this slightly balding, stach wearing man with the paint splattered jeans and the ridiculous CCR shirt, as an actual living teenager. It feels like Craig just came out of the womb all boring and bad jokes and all.

“ ‘m not really hungry, thanks though “:

He doesn’t want to be rude or ungrateful, he really doesn’t. It’s just that sitting down at the kitchen table with his mom and Craig is just gonna end up being a torture for him and he doesn’t want to end up saying something that would hurt his mom. They’re gonna ask about College and School and Friends and, god forbid, his love life. He really doesn’t fancy any of those talks. Especially not with Craig.

“ I know man, but your mom really wants to spend some time with you. Come on, give her that. She missed you “.

Billy thinks that’s the biggest bullshit of the century. Clearly his mom hasn’t missed him all that much. She went and got a whole nother life. A better one. A happy one. While she sent him to live with his dad who they both know doesn’t give two shits about Billy. Clearly she hasn’t missed him enough to have him over for Christmas instead of going on a trip to Montana with her new boyfriend.

She hasn’t missed him at all he feels like.

But she’s still his mom and even if she breaks his heart he will never be able to break hers. Because despite it all she’s still one of the few people he has ever truly loved.

“ Alright “ He murmurs and gets off the floor, shirt sticking to his back. In that moment he kinda misses his dad’s old home in California, it might’ve been a shitty run down place but it had a little pool in the back and that was basically heaven to Billy.

As he follows Craig downstairs, he can hear his mom hum along to Hall and Oates. She’s in a summer dress and her hair is up in some intricate braids and Billy almost doesn’t recognize her. This isn’t the woman that stayed behind while he was sent away. Back then she was all tired eyes and messy hair and sweater sleaves pulled over her hands. This woman had her shit together in the best way possible. Billy isn’t sure he’ll ever fit into this equation.

“ There’s my boy. Come sit “ she exclaims as she spots Billy waking into the kitchen and pats the barstool by the kitchen isle where a plate is already waiting for him.

Billy can’t remember the last time his mom made a home cooked meal for him. Back when he was a little boy she had a habit of trying out the most ridiculous dishes from her own mother’s cookbook, which usually resulted in the entire family feasting on a big cheesy pizza because she burned the dish. When things got bad between her and his dad, she stopped trying all together.

Sitting down at the kitchen isle, Billy starts chomping down on the sandwich. It’s not the most outrageous and delicious 4 course meal but there’s bacon and cheese and that’s basically all he needs.

For a moment he feels like a kid again, who’s mom greets him after school with sandwiches and juice boxes and hugs and love.

Then he notices that neither his mom nor Craig seem to be eating anything. In fact, they’re not even sitting down. They’re cooped together, Craigs arm around his mother’s waist as they both intensely focus on Billy himself.

“ You guys alright ? “

“ Yes, yes. Of course “ his mom exclaims, her words coming out jumbled and too quick for Billy’s liking. There’s something she isn’t telling him and it’s both annoying and hurtful.

“ Actually we are more than alright “ Craig speaks up from beside her.

There’s this look in both their eyes of excitement and joy but also fear of judgement and anxiety. Whatever it is they’re trying to tell him, Billy isn’t sure he’s going to like it very much.

His half eaten sandwich now completely abandoned, Billy raises his eyebrows in question.

“ What’s that supposed to mean then ? “

“ I — “ his mom starts and takes a deep breath before continuing “ we. We have something to tell you. There’s a reason I asked you to come visit me this summer. Not only because I missed you but also because there’s something really big you need to know “.

She pauses again and Billy feels like every second that goes by he gets a little more sick to his stomache.

“ What is it, mom ? “

“ Craig asked me to marry him and I said yes. The wedding is next saturday and I — Billy I just really wanted you there for it. We’re just gonna keep it real small. Get married at the courthouse and then have a tiny celebration at the Comet View. There’ll be dancing and drinks and good food. You know, just a fun night “.

Billy feels like he just drank and entire bottle of ice cold water in one go. His insides are frozen, his mind is frozen. There’s something about these news that make it impossible for him to process them. It’s like a thunderstorm crashing down on him in the middle of an Indiana winter.

A relationship was one thing but marriage ? Marriage is big and it means a lot and it’s — forever. And it feels like that might just completely close the door on Billy ever being a part of his mother’s life that isn’t just a visit every few months if at all.

“ Billy ? “

He realises that they expect and answer. A congratulation. Something. But can he really pretend to be happy about something that might just break his heart entirely ?

Yes he can.

Pretending is all he ever does.

“ Mom that’s — good. Congrats. Really, that’s great “.

He hugs his mom and shakes Craig’s hand and he needs to get out. The nerves in his fingers and and his toes are tingling and his heart is beating at a speed he’s sure it shouldn’t be. He’s hot and cold and everything in between and he needs to be somewhere else.

Somewhere he feels happy and safe and calm and comfortable and — like home.

Somewhere with his girl.

He knew he’d find her here. It’s her place, their place.

While the tourists and the loved up couples and the families mostly flocked to the pier, (Y/N) and Billy had found their own little spot of heaven and calm in the form of an abandoned beach watch tower further down the shore where the driftwood accumulated and the white sand wasn’t as picture perfect.

But it was theirs. Unofficially sure but it was. He hopes it still is.

“ Hey Chewie, didn’t expect to see you here “.

It’s like no time has passed and yet it feels like another life completely. She’s there in her shorts that are way too tiny to even be called that and shades on her face shaped like stars. There’s a sunhat on her head and a book in her hand and he’s sure he’s never seen anyone more perfect.

She is his poison and his cure all wrapped in one big mess of a girl. She is perfect and flawed, complicated and so well put together. She is everything and all.

He wishes he could’ve stayed. Wishes that the future he had so desperately wanted to have with her wasn’t but a mere dream to wander off to at nights he couldn’t seem to fall asleep.

He wishes she would still love him. And that the universe would work out for him for once, so he could allow himself to love her more.

“ Why am I Chewbacca ? “

“ The hair ?! “ she says and motions to his curly mullet. There’s a laugh hidden in her words and it makes the anxious tingles in his fingers disappear for a moment.

“ Fair enough. What makes you Han then ? “

“ Well, you always made sure I shot first “.

Billy almost chokes on his own spit right then. This beautiful girl with a smile that can compete with the sun, spouts dirty jokes so casually like there’s nothing about it. But that’s who she is, who she’s always been. And Billy’s heart aches so much when he realises just how much he missed her.

“ Come here you big Wookie ! “ she exclaims, takes off her shades, and pulls Billy into a hug. She’s all warm and familiar and she smells like the ocean and her signature Opium perfume that Billy knows so well because he used to buy her a new one every Christmas.

He kisses her head softly like old times. Like when things were good and they were happy and they didn’t have a lot but they had each other and that was really all the needed. Now he has a shitty room in a shitty house in a shitty town. With people he can’t stand and a family that shouldn’t even be allowed to be called a family.

And she has —

He honestly doesn’t know because he never bothered to call. Not only did he want a clean cut to make it possible for her to move on eventually, but he was also a fucking coward and calling her, hearing her voice, hearing she was happy without him would’ve killed him.

“ You doing good ? “ he asks and almost has a heart attack as she looks up at him with her big beautiful eyes that hold so much love he can’t even fathom it properly.

“ I’m okay. What about you ? “

He could lie. Tell her how amazing his life is and how happy he is. How it doesn’t break his heart to see his mother move on to a life that he has no place it. How Hawkins is all he ever dreamed of and how he doesn’t miss her like crazy.

He could, but he doesn’t.

He’s done a lot of shit in his part, still does a lot of shit, but one thing he’s never done, is lie to (Y/N).

She’s always been his person. The one that you can’t and don’t ever lie to. She knows him inside out and accepts him still. All faults and issues and baggage.

You don’t lie to people like that.

“ Mom’s getting married “.

He wants to say so much more because there’s so much more bubbling inside of him but he has absolutely no idea how to put them into words. It’s too much, too fast. So he leaves it at that.

“ I know “

“ You do ? “

“ Yeah. Just because you left doesn’t mean I stopped all contact with your family “

That makes him feel a little better although he doesn’t really know why. Maybe it’s because it reminds him that she was so much more than just some highschool girlfriend. She was his girl. Part of his family. And knowing that some part of that stayed, some part of that is still there, makes him happy.

“ Also, I don’t know if you recall but my dad owns the place where the reception is held so even if she didn’t ask me to be her maid of honor I still would’ve found out about it “.

“ She asked you to be what now ?!”

“ The maid of honor. Look Billy, when you left it was hard on both of us and we kind of bonded over that. “

That was ridiculous, his mom sent him away it’s not like he had left on his own accord. He didn’t want to leave, he would’ve given everything and more to be able to stay. But he was a minor and both his parents had decided leaving for Indiana was the better choice. That was a fucking bullshit decision.

“ I don’t think I can do this “

“ Do what ? “

“ Watch her getting married. It’s like she’s starting this completely different life that makes her so happy. And don’t get me wrong I want her to be happy. But that life began without me and it’s gonna end without me. There’s no place for me. I don’t fit in there, (Y/N). I’m not part of this future. I’m not part of this family. “

(Y/N) untangles her arms from around his waist and takes a step back.

“ Billy, what do you think your mom did when you left ? “

“ I don’t know “ he says and shrugs his shoulders. He hasn’t really spent any thoughts on that. In his mind his mom was doing what she always did, only without him. “ Meeting men apparently. Falling in love. Being happy “.

“ You are delusional “

“ I’m sorry ? “

“ Billy I know this is not something you wanna hear but your mom wasn’t a saint before you left. She wasn’t happy but that wasn't your fault. You were her happiness, everything else was what made her unhappy. I know you see her as this superwoman who always did everything perfectly and who could do no wrong. But that’s not the person she was. You know what she did when you left ? She got help. Went to therapy, tried to fix her life so by the time you were done with highschool and maybe decided to return, she would be better. So she could be the woman you always thought she was. Everything she does, everything she did, was for you. She didn’t send you away because she didn’t want you here. It broke her heart to see you leave. She sent you away so she could fix herself without relying on you to pick up the pieces if things didn’t work out “.

Billy swallows the huge metaphorical lump that’s built in his throat while he listened to (Y/N)’s words. He had always known that his mother wasn’t happy and that she didn’t really have her shit together the way other mothers did. But he never thought it was this bad.

And maybe being angry at her was easier than admitting that she wasn’t this fearless, invincible saint he had always pictured her as.

“ She didn’t get better because you weren’t there, Billy. She went out and did something to change her life so she would be better once you came back. “

He wants to cry. He wants to scream and yell and punch something. Because life is terribly unfair and his mother of all people doesn’t deserve to ever feel unhappy. He wants to cry, but he doesn’t. Because it’s not what he does.

Instead he pulls (Y/N) back into an embrace. It’s sticky and gross but it’s what he needs. Because she’s his sun and his stars and his home and the one person to always align his planets and put things into perspective when he’s losing his head.

“ I don’t want to leave again “

He hasn’t said it out loud before but he’s been thinking about it for a while. Ever since he stepped a foot back into his childhood home. This is the place he wanted to be and even though with Craig around it all felt like things had shifted slightly, it was still better than Hawkins.

This was his home. His heart.

This was where his mom was and this weird new family she was creating with Craig and Cat Benatar. But maybe they could make some room for him in that constellation. He really didn’t need much space. Really.

“ Then don’t. “

“ You think they’d let me stay ? “

“ Billy, your mom is missing a piece of her heart whenever you’re not here. She’s got a proper job now and a wonderful man in her life that you should really give a chance. “

“ And a fat ginger cat. “

“ And a fat ginger cat ! She’s got her life figured out pretty well, you’re the only thing that’s missing. It’s ridiculous that you even consider the possibility of her not letting you stay “.

She softly combs her fingers through his hair like she always did when they were cuddled up on her couch or in the back of his car. He had missed this girl so much.

“ I’m missing a part of my heart to, you know ? “ he says and takes her face between hands.

“ You are ? “

“ Mmmmh … I got not one to watch shitty horror movies with. Got no one to steal my fries and eat the pickles off my burgers. “

“ What else ? “ she ask and rubs her nose against his.

“ There’s no one there to make fun of my mullet and then later hold onto it when I make them see stars. There’s no one to make me shitty apple pancakes. No one to sing along to Whitesnake with and no one to call me out on my shit. No one to keep me from falling apart. No one to love me. Not the way you do. Not even close. “

“ I love you Billy Hargrove and I miss eating your fries and all the burger pickles. “

When she kisses him, she tastes like the ocean and the sun and pink lemonade and home.

Billy Hargrove’s heart beats at an alarming speed as he walks his mom down the little courthouse corridor. It’s a good feeling though. It’s excitement rather than anxiety. It’s a feeling that something is changing, for her and for him. Maybe this can be a step into a new life, one that he can be a part of if he makes an effort. One that he is no doubt accepted into.

His mom cried when he had told her he wanted to stay. Good tears. Happy tears.

He kisses her cheek as he puts her hand into Craigs. Craig who turns out to be a huge Metalhead. Craig who’s quoting shitty B-Movie Horror flicks. Craig who saw something in Billy he didn’t know was there and helped him get a part time job at a garage specialized on muscle cars and vintage vehicles with a good change of full employment after high school.

Craig who’s actually a pretty cool guy.

When he sits down, in the front row, (Y/N)’s hand slips into his and for that moment he’s sure his world, his universe, is as good as can be.

It’s later at the reception when he’s dancing with his mom. Yes, Billy is dancing. He’s a good dancer, okay ?! No shame !

His mom looks at him with that typical motherly stare of pride and unfiltered maternal love. He hasn’t seen that looks in so long he’s really missed it.

“ I’m so happy to have you back. Things are gonna be good from here on out. I know it. “

Billy’s eyes wander over to the girl in the bright purple dress that he thinks is terribly ugly but she makes it work anyway.

His mom’s eyes follow his and a smile appears on her lips “ You know, you guys could be next. To get married I mean “.

“ Mom, come on “ he complains but secretly, it’s all he’s been thinking about.

“ I know, I know. Go dance with her at least “ she says and places a kiss on his cheek.

“ I’m proud of you, Billy. “

Before she can walk away he calls out to her. “ Hey mom ? “

“ Yeah ? “

“ Thank you, for everything. I’m proud of you too “

She smiles but he can see the tears in her eyes. He hopes they’re happy ones.

“ Hey pretty boy “ a voice speaks up from beside him. (Y/N) looks all crazy and bright and out of place with all the elegantly dressed middle aged friends of his mother and Craig but damn if she isn’t the best thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

“ Hey pretty girl. “

His hands grab her softly by the hips as her arms fall around his neck and they start swaying to the music softly playing in the background. If this is what his life is from now on, he’s happy.

This new little family is broken and weird and unconventional but It could be good, real good.

He looks into (Y/N)’s eyes and sees their entire future right there in front of him.

“ I’m glad you’re back. “

“ Of course I am. Can’t live with half a heart now can you ? “

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