#the few moments of almost remission you get DO legitimately feel manic

[afniel]

Every morning my brain spins a little wheel and picks what's going up be fucked up that day. Usually it's my pain perception or energy level, sometimes it's my mood, sometimes it's my sense of balance and I could do without that, but VERY OCCASIONALLY it will Mad Lib slap together, "TODAY'S BROKEN THING: your (noun:[ability]) (verb:[to sense that]) (object:[you are disabled])," and today is one of those days. I feel fucking good? I slept well? I jogged big sections of the way to lunch because I could? My legs didn't cramp up? I'm in a super good mood?

This happens so rarely that I actually register it as a problem and go through the day thinking, oh no have I finally developed bipolar, is this mania, and it's like, no, dipshit! It's functioning. Of course it feels good and you feel good about it. There's nothing wrong with having nothing wrong with me for a moment. You really don't understand how disability changes you until you're wondering if your temporary relief is a mental illness...

But enough of that, I'm having a good day and I hope everyone else is too, and if you aren't, I hope you'll have one very soon. 💜 ✌️

#chronic illness #fibro #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #disability #mental health #honestly when you got a physical illness that impacts your entire energy level at all times #the few moments of almost remission you get DO legitimately feel manic #but you just gotta accept it and not stress too much because eh. it's not harming you in the least. #(unless it is in which case y'know talk to someone about that) #but I'm not making impulse decisions and taking risks for shits and giggles or starting 1000 projects #I'm just like. having a good day. but the difference is just so stark it FEELS alarming but really the alarming part #is how tired I usually am #but if I got alarmed about that all the time I'd be even more tired and also depressed #being disabled is a long long time of practicing letting things just be as they are