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willshowerthots · 7 years

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The Misadventures of The Batfamily

A/N: Written in script form, an rp between my friends and I. A what if we were adopted by the batfamily, cuz why not. Fanfic, lots of crack, lots of angst (soon), We do not own the batfamily, because if we did we would not be doing this. I personally would have written Bruce veeeeery differently. *Whispers: If you guys only knew how we write Bruce the first few times, it was hilarious* Now then this is more for our enjoyment than anything, if you guys enjoy it, go ahead, if not well haters gun’a hate hate hate hate hate~ ^.~

Summary: When four half siblings wished to be a family and made a deal for it to work, they never thought that they would be adopted by the Batman of all people. Although it’s not as if being the charges of one Bruce Wayne is an easy thing, they also have to struggle with sacrifices they’ve made and conflicts that seems to arise at every turn… not to mention the already complicated problems the Bat Family currently have. An overly affectionate acrobat, a supposedly dead rebel, an insecure genius and a demon brat of many skills and pride.

Chapter 1: Shenanigans

A flash of bright light and suddenly four beings were thrown from the vortex, almost immediately the portal closed and the skies dimmed back to their normal midnight blue color.

Rafael: Ugh, well that was unpleasant. *shakes head and blinks at his companions.* Everyone okay?

Mikhael: I don’t feel any different. Sera? Israel? How do you guys feel? *runs his hands through his hair*

Israel: Man, that must’ve sucked. That hurts, somewhat. Oh well.

Sera: Something feels odd, but I doubt they're that important right now. *shrug*

Rafael: Great! Now that we’ve established that everyone is safe and sound. Where the hell are we? *glances around, blinks and looks down* Woah, it really worked? *Touches boobs* I’m a woman! Then that means… *Opens pants and looks inside* Ohh so that’s what it looks like!

Mikhael: Easy there bro, I mean sis. There are kids here. *summons a mirror* My power seems to be working fine here. But why do I look less Asian here… *breaks mirror*

Israel: What the Heck!!! *shields eyes with hands, traumatized forever*

Sera: *slaps Ray's hands* Stop that!

Rafael: Ow! What? Oh yeah ahahah kids, sorry? *smiles sheepishly* Do I look any different? Aside from the gender change of course. *Glances at Mika for answer, ignores the freaked out Israel*

Mikhael: Not really, except for those little things one would call hills. You’re still obviously an idiot though.

Sera: *sighs* I'll go find out where exactly we are.

Israel: MY EYES HAVE BEEN BURNED!!! *still panics like a smol egg tart*

Rafael: *side eyes Israel* Calm down smol Ray, everything’s fine. *glance back to Mika* Oh! Thanks, Mika! *hugs Mika tightly into her now big bosoms*

Mikhael: Let go of me you incompetent man, I mean woman. I’ll take care of this *proceeds to erase Sera’s and Isreal’s memory of that event* there. Better?

Israel: Huh? What happened? *blinks innocently*

Sera: Seriously, Mikhael? I can feel you poking my mental shields. *pauses for a minute and blinks in confusion*… Oh, ha! My magic’s stronger here! You didn't account for that!

Rafael: NEVER! IWUVYOUUUU!!! *hugs Mika tightly*

Mikhael: I’m surrounded by idiots. *shakes head, tries to kick Rafael away*

Israel: Wait a minute! If you guys changed! Then so have I! *grabs Ray’s ‘bosoms’* Have I changed too, schwester?! *puppy dog eyes*

Rafael: *let’s go of Mika* Hmn, well yer hair’s gotten whiter and yer eyes changed colors from violet to blue, I miss the midnight black hair, smol Ray! *ruffles his hair and hugs him into bossoms*

Sera: GUUUUYSSSS READY YOURSELVES!!!!!! I'M BEING CHASED BY IDIOTS!!!!!!!!! *throws an illusion of a weak fire spell at them and causes a mild explosion behind the bandits? No Idiots* OK! I did not expect that!

Rafael: OoO Uhh… Shield me, smol Ray! *throws him bodily into the fray of burning men*

Israel: @w@ What?! Whyyyyyyyyyy?! Aadhjfnqkwenc.

Mikhael: Idiots. They’re all idiots. Why? Why must it be me? What did I do to deserve this. *freezes the idiots in their place*

Sera: Don't blame me! I had no idea that would happen! I expected it to be an illusion! I just wanted to scare them! *She sighs before throwing a very under powered, in her opinion, Blizzard spell at the Idiots in front of her*

Rafael: Cuz why not? 8D Yev always been the smarter one! >D Now then, my turn! *pulls out cane sword and unsheathes it to decapitate said bad frozen men*

Israel: *almost got his head chopped off* Be careful! Ya almost chopped my head off!

Mikhael: Rafael! Don’t put your brother in harms way. Sera! you need to have more control over your powers over here. Israel, well, don’t be an idiot, you’re overreacting.

Sera: Hey! I told you my magic is stronger here I didn't know if it would affect my illusions! *pauses* Oh wait I wasn't here when I said that.

Rafael: Tsk, such a pity, I would have wanted roasted pork for dinner. Oh well~ *grins toothily*

Israel: I’m not overreacting! You lot almost got me killed! *sluggishly sits on the ground like a child with his hands crossed over his chest*

Mikhael: So what do we do about the idiots? I mean, the dead idiots. *points to the pile of decapitated bodies*

Rafael: *shrugs* Cook em? Eat em? Serve em to the poor? Why not? Anything is possible.

Sera: Why you even kill them in the first place?!

Israel: OoO HUH?!?! I AM NOT A CANNIBAL! Well… not yet anyways. Are they tasty at least? *contemplates human meat*

Mikhael: Well, lets see. *casts a spell to “cook” the mangled bodies of the idiots* here we go, human stew. Do you also want some? You dark little shadow thing up there? I hear human meat tastes like chicken.

Sera: I ain't eating that. *grabs a peach from her bottomless bag* Thanks for helping me enchant this Mika! Hey Batsy! Do you want a peach?!

Rafael: *whistles* Amazing! So that’s what cooked humans look like. Hannibal is accurate. Hey come join us, this looks like fun. *offer roasted human leg*

Mikhael: *nods at his little sister while stirring the pot of cooked meat*

Batman: *calls alfred* Gotham might have a situation.

Sera: Help me Batsy! These egg rolls are crazy!

Israel: @_@ My family is weird, help me mister bat sir! *whines pitifully*

Batman: *jumps down from the rooftop and lands in front of everyone in silence as he observes more*

Rafael: *Stares at Batman equally, then grinned and threw the roasted human leg at him* Hah!

Mikhael: *makes the pot of human meat disappear* Well, well, well. What do we have here? A grown man who dresses up in a weird bat costume that fights crime in the dark of night. There’s something you can’t solve with therapy. *casts a spell over batman's head*

Israel: *Runs and tackles Batman* Heeeeeeelppppppp meeeeeeee~ *whines like a dog* I dun wanna eat human meat! It’s icky and tastes like metal! It’s not even sweet!

Sera: *is still holding her peach as she runs to hide behind Batman. Glares at Ray and Mika .* Egg rolls *she muttered*

Rafael: Didju see that?! I threw the leg at him! He didn’t even blink! It’s like one of those british army men thing guarding the London Square! 8D *points at Batman with intrigue*

Mikhael: What my dear sister? Use your words. Also Rafael don’t provoke the man, bat, thing. He already has enough problems of his own. Like dressing up like a bat, and acting like a stalker, all the while wearing the word “creepy pedophile” across his forehead. *removes the spell*

Sera: You Egg rolls *still glaring* I will slap you both with leeks *is clutching Batsy's cape the peach core is thrown at Ray's face and summons tomato illusions to throw at both Mika and Ray*

Rafael: *dodges projectiles gracefully like the well experienced spy that he, well she is* I will continue to provoke the man, bat, thing! WAHAHAHAHA! I do what I want Th-I mean Mika! I shouldn’t mention that name, pop culture references aren’t a good thing with these time line things after all.

Israel: e.e showoff… *Clutching Batman’s face*

Sera: Stand still dangit *she glares more intensely* (If looks looks could kill Ray and Mika’d be dead by now)

Mikhael: I am standing still. *disintegrates whatever that is thrown at him without even raising a finger.*

Rafael: Ahahahah~ No can do, mi souer~ *Does dramatics flips and elaborate parkour moves*

Israel: Lil Ray, maybe you can stop? I dun think being angry is going to solve your problem. What is your problem by the way? *tilts head innocently like a pupper*

Sera: *Stares at Israel*

Batman: *eye twitch* ….. *what is this thing doing on my head* ….. *why is that thing dancing* ….. *why is this thing pulling my cape, what is it throwing* ….. *why is that thing just standing there, why is that not getting hit by whatever this thing in throwing* …..

Mikhael: You realize I can read your mind right? How disrespectful of you to call me and my “siblings” “things”. You’re one to talk. You’re an overgrown man wearing a batsuit.

Rafael: *dramatically clutches chest* Ouch! Thing, he used thing! So mean! I am a person! A human being, good sir! *makes dramatic noises worthy of an oscar role, or well trophy*

Israel: Hey! That’s mean! *punches Batman’s head* Ow! Your head hurt meeeeee! *whines*

Sera: Why am I a thing~!!!!! *pulls Bat's cape HARD!*

Israel: Harambe! URAAAA! *tackles Batman again and wrestles him*

Sera: Mewwwwwwwww!!!!!! You’re crushing meeeee!!! >^< *flailing arms*

Mikhael: What do you think you’re doing to my little sister? *makes batman float in midair, releasing Sera* You stay there. *watches batman struggle to get down* Isreal! Behave! Look what happened to your little sister.

Rafael: *snaps* How dares you crush my lil Ray! *charges forward with all trap cards drawn and thrown, explosions erupted and pulls out his cane sword and tries to decapitate Batman*

Sera: hic-hic *sniffles *

Isreal: *whimpers like a puppy* But… But… I thought you were going to force feed me human meat… And then the mean man called me a thing. I didn’t mean to… *runs over to sera while crying and hugs her*

Nightwing: Wait! Stop! *drops down and intercepts the cane sword with his escrima sticks then pushes Ray away, falls on his feet with his hands up in surrender* We didn’t mean any harm, right Batman? *gives Batman a meaningful look*

Mikhael: First a man in a bat suit, now a man in a unitard. Great, just great. *shakes head in disgrace* maybe your boss should explain why he was spying on us.

Rafael: Tche right, he was crushing my lil Ray! *points to the still floating Batman, then whispers to Mika* Although you have to applaud him for even having the bravery or foolishness to wear said tights in public.

Israel: *still crying like a lil dogge* I dun care boutchuuuuuuuu *pets and snuggles face all over Sera, including tears and snot*

Sera: Stooooop Isra I will burn you to a crisp or turn you into a popsicle *still sniffling*

Israel: But you needed comfort! I’m trying to be nice! Because bruder said sooooooo! *whimpers and continues petting but stops snuggling, tears and snot still dripping down his face and nose*

Sera: Let gooooo you're disgusting!!!!!!! *teary eyed but not crying anymore*

Mikhael: Take care of your face *summons a handkerchief in mid air* Here, *summons another one for Sera*

Rafael: *Grimaces* Ew… *grabs the handkerchief and bodily wipes the tears and snot from Smol Ray’s face then Sera too*

Israel: *Sniffles* Thwankwyou.... *fiddles with the handkerchief* Sworry *snaps fingers and Sera instantly gets a change of clothes, looks at his feet dejectedly*

Sera: Thank you… *hugs him* I'm still not happy about the snot though.

Israel: Yay~ Boo~ *hugs and nuzzles his now clean face into hers*

Rafael: *smiles adoringly* Ahh ma babies~

Mikhael: Of all the families I had to be born into, it had to be this one. *sigh*

NIghtwing: Aww, cute. See B, they’re harmless!

Batman: I beg to differ. Look *shows Nightwing a video of the Hunter family killing and cooking some bandits*

Nightwing: Magic? Wait. Shouldn’t we call the League for this?

Rafael: *whispers to Mika* I think they’re talking about us? What do you think we should do about them?

Mikhael: No shit Ray. *facepalms* I’m not sure, should we kill them all?

Rafael: Hey! Language! Kids here! *glances at both Lil Ray and Smol Ray* I’m game for that. But then Lil Ray will try to kill us with her stare again. *groans*

Sera: *Turns to Nightwing and stares with “sad” eyes* cheep~ cheep~ cheep~ cheep~

Israel: *doesn’t care about what is happening around him, just satisfied with ze hug, nuzzles Sera some more* Baaa~

Nightwing: *stares* I’m calling the League, yep *Calls the Watchtower* Uh, hi? Superman? Yeah we have two kids here and two teens who seem to be metas? Yes I need help trying to make sense of what is happening in here because I have no idea what is happening and B refuses to talk any more than what he normally does. I know, just get here!

Rafael: O.o What the fu-heck? Almost slipped there.

Mikhael: You realize I can just as easily kill Superman and anyone in the League right?

Israel: Are we going to jail, schwester? Bruder? *looks up with big goo goo eyes* I dun wanna go there, there are many bad people there. *whimpers and clutches Sera tightly*

Sera: *teleports to Nightwing and tugs his arm lightly eyes pleading*

Israel: Ehhhh? Whyyyyy? *close to tears, making grabbing hand motions*

Rafael: Uh-oh. *Grabs Smol Ray and hugs him into her bosoms* There, there, lil buddy. *Sweatdrops, why did I become the mother like figure…?*

Mikhael: This is getting out of hand. *pauses everyone* Let’s just get this over with. *casts a spell over Batman and Nightwing to proceed as planned, and makes Superman forget he ever got a call while erasing any traces of a call being made to the Watchtower*

(Somewhere in the skies of Gotham)

Superman: What am I doing in Gotham? I need to get back to the Watchtower.

(Back with Batman)

Batman: Let’s just adopt all of them.

Nightwing: What? B you realize that these people aren’t exactly normal human beings right? Why would you want to adopt them? Aren’t we enough for you?

Rafael: I have no idea what is happening. *clutching Smol Ray with an incredulous expression*

Israel: *Gives no cares*

Sera: *tugs at Nightwing’s hand again*

Nightwing: *glances down at her* … Uhm… *doesn’t have an idea of what to do* B? *stares at Batman helplessly*

Mikhael: Carry her or die? *shoots Nightwing death stares* Pick your poison.

Rafael: *Snarls like a mother hen* That’s my little sister! Ya better not drop her!

Batman: I think you better do as your new siblings say.

Nightwing: @w@ What? What is happening, B? *bends to carry said child confusedly* new siblings?

Sera: Yay!

Rafael: *nods in satisfaction* Now what did you mean by adopting us? Mister tall dark and batsy? *smiles creepily*

Israel: Uh-oh, Schwester is mad! *raises fist in the air victoriously like an idiot*

Batman: Pancakes. Let’s go have pancakes, as a family.

Nightwing: WHAT?!?!?! @w@ *really confused now*

Sera: Double Yay!

Rafael: Hmn… *eyes Batman suspiciously* I have two eyes on you batboy. One foot out of line and kweeek! *gestures finger to throat*

Israel: DIDJU SAY PANCAKE? I WANT BLUEBERRY! *makes grabby motions again*

Mikhael: Let us proceed.

Nightwing: WAIT. WHAT IS GOING ON??? Is there even a pancake house open this late into the night, B?!

Rafael: I’m with you on this kid, but whelp, let’s just follow the children, yeah? *pats Nightwing’s shoulder empathically and nods head*

Mikhael: Everything is going as planned sister. You wanted a “happy” family right?

Rafael: Ohh yeah, sorry man. *pats Nightwing’s shoulder again* I stole your dad. Well technically they did, I dun want a dad. I already have one, he’s very much a better dad than well… that. *points to Batman*

Mikhael: This wasn’t my first choice either. Blame the stupid twin.

Rafael: Desho??? He’s such a… a… bat...

Batman: To the pancake cave!!!

Israel: Yay! Pancake cave! *wiggles and jumps from Rafael’s hold to run over to Batman and tugs on his cape.* Carry? *makes grabby motion*

Rafael: I… I feel abandoned… My baby… *internally screams*

Batman: *bends over to carry Israel* Let’s goooo! *flings his cape around idiotically* To the batmobile!

Israel: Yay~ batsy batsy! *pounds on batman’s head all excitedly*

Sera:I wanted batsy…. Oh well, I have Nightwing!

Nightwing: *facepalm* B… why…? What happened to you? *hands Sera over to Rafael* Then I better go to my Wingcycle. Catch you guys back in the… pancake cave… sighs. *shoots a grappling hook and swings away with style*

Sera: Nooooooooo

Rafael: *watches Nightwing ‘fly’ away with a deadpan look on his face* Of course I’d be unwanted… after all I’m not even in a unitard or hot muscley like him. *mutters bitterly* Indeed… pancake cave… is it really a pancake cave? Please tell me it’s not made of actual pancakes?

Sera: Nooo I want you too I just like Nightwing too

Mikhael: That can be arranged.

Rafael: No! Please don’t! I don’t think the children need an advance dose of sugar rush, Mika.

---

~End of Chapter 1~

#The Misadventures of The Batfamily #Batfam #Scriptform #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #KuroHitsuji #khaddict #stargazer51 #Fanfic #A what if fic #Cuz why not

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