#there could have been themes and exploration of trauma and adversity. complex relationships. but no u get cringe written by a child | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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hi so so sorry if this sounds genuinely deranged but I need to know did you write a fanfiction in like 2014 that was set during ww2 where zoro from one piece was sent to a japanese internment camp and sanji went to conversion therapy I remembered it recently because it blew my mind at age 13 and I had to reread it + need a kind of where are they now with the author so if that's you 1) what's your stance on the fic today 2) how much of the research was done during writing and how much did you just know beforehand and used as inspo 3) did you have any ideas for where the other characters ended up because I did always wonder if like idk chopper overcame the trauma of being in the war and also just what usopp's situation would be in general what with the political climate. once again. if you didn't actually write this fic so sorry this must look like the ravings of a crazy person. godspeed

Hi. Uh, yeah I did write that fic. I would have been like only 17 at the time. I did do A LOT of research, like the fic was basically an excuse for me to research Japanese internment and WWII history in general bc I thought it was super fucked up. I was absolutely hyperfixated on the topic and my parents probably thought i was nuts for my ability to talk at length on this particular area of history. I just finished skim reading back through the fic and woof. What a bleak fucking story. I was very cruel to everyone. It's frustrating bc I think it's an interesting and compelling idea for a story. But to me it feels like: here is all the research I did and also characters talking in what feels like a too modern way. Plus, I was 17 and didnt understand people very well. I wish I had the energy and motivation to rewrite it. Although, I forgot I used to do song lyrics at the start of each chapter and the tonal dissonance of Owl City lyrics at the top of a chapter of harrowing events around the time of WWII is unfathomablly unhinged.

#as for where r they now? i forgot the last chapter was like fuck u nothing matters life goes on sanji probably died of lung cancer #like jesus dude calm down. i think now id give them a bit of a softer ending #like i mean sanji still prob dying of lung cancer but he lives a long life with zoro and thry make the most of the time they have together #and i mean when u see horrific things in war i imagine its something u never really get over but i think the crew members that became #soldiers go on to live fuffilling lives and usopp finds a stable and relatively well paying job. gets married and lives happily ever after #god. its so frustrating to me that ill probably never rewrite this. it could habe been so good #but i just dont have thst kind of energy. i do think abt this fic more than almost all my other tho #im glad u liked it anon. its a fucking unhinged fic just from the perspective of: rural ohio teen wants to research a fucked up aspect of #ww 2 history and decides to write a fucking fanfic abt it. like bro what why. but idk weird weird times #there could have been themes and exploration of trauma and adversity. complex relationships. but no u get cringe written by a child #and now at the age of nearly 26 i am old and tired. christ thst was almost 10 years ago. i was a whole different human #weird the fanfics that stick with u. i have many i think abt from hs. wonder where the authors r now...#unrelated #i also forgot that in the authors nots i was like: if u r a n4zi fucking kill yourself.#which i standby but i was not expecting to see thst in the notes of a one piece fic i wrote as a kid good god

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lonequack · 7 years

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Opinion piece: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

I was so excited to see that the Costco near where I live was selling this playscript. I turned it over in my hands and felt a wave of nostalgia from the fancy script the title was written in. A hundred little visions danced around in my memory- scenes from the Harry Potter movies, lines from the books and the moments my imagination had embellished on, added something to and flown away with while viewing or reading the series. I do not often read play scripts. Shakespeare was a struggle for me in school, because I thrive on hearing the characters thoughts while I read. I like hearing every little step they make, every detail described to the point where the book becomes a movie in my head. My love for the Harry Potter series led to an impulsive buy. Looking around Tumblr, I expected to find far more praise of this work than criticism- yet I found almost universal criticism, even among those who enjoyed some of the new characters (in particular, Albus and Scorpius). Now I realize that this book is very different from the original “canon” series, in that our beloved trio is all grown up. Let me address this now: Hermione and Ginny have kept the same personalities, for the most part. Ron seems almost like an exaggeration of his childhood goofiness, but in a lighthearted way that makes him out to be a good dad and loving husband. ”Harry is out of character.”/”Harry would never be so harsh on his kids.” Harry is struggling- as my fiance so kindly pointed out (without very much knowledge of the series, but a keen memory for the movies I’ve forced him to watch), “Hasn’t Harry always had his dark moments?” Wasn’t he often struggling to say the “right” versus the “wrong” things to his loved ones, especially in the fifth novel when he was struggling with a lot of dark thoughts about himself? Throughout the novels, did he not face adversity sometimes with a wit that bordered on sassiness, get into a few big fights with his best friends and regard himself with a measure of self-loathing and despair? Harry has been through a lot of complex childhood trauma- despite having a loving group of friends around him, in The Cursed Child he is trying his best to be something he never had a model for- a good parent. In my perspective he is doing an amazing job, despite every terrible ordeal he has gone through. Sometimes despite being a better person from what you’ve endured, there are still triggers and scars that remind you of where you’ve been. Harry is trying to process who he has been as “The Boy Who Lived” while so many, regrettably, died. He is confused and angry and complex. I have seen good parents lash out when they are bated or berated by their children. Kids can be cruel, parents can react harshly, and it is hard to get to the underlying problem from what your child is saying sometimes. We are messy and emotional as parents. His lashing out at his son is so expected and human to me, so in his character when not considering him as the ultimate angel and hero, not black and white, but as grey as Dumbledore turned out to be by the end of the series. (As an afterthought: please consider that in a play, there is usually more exaggeration and drama, in order to drive ideas home. The harsh exchange between father and son serves to magnify their differences and similarities.) “Albus shouldn’t have been in Slytherin” In the moment where young Albus is sorted into Slytherin, we see the sorting hat get confused. It sat upon his father’s head years ago and quipped “Very difficult...”, then explained how Harry could fit into any of the houses based on personality attributes. Slytherin was one house considered, but it was considered and not chosen because Harry was resolved toward Gryfindor. His son Albus shows no such enthusiasm towards Gryfindor (and in fact, Albus is detached from anything relating too closely to his famous father), but his unexpected sorting does serve two important points- to humanize the modern Slytherin (no longer the children of dark wizards and witches) and to give Scorpius a buddy, so that he would not feel so alone. When Albus chose to sit with the outcast Malfoy child, he chose to carry the yolk of a Slytherin, And perhaps it was his birthright, given a middle name like Severus. Severus, who was not a bad man by any means but who was an outcast and a Slytherin in his childhood. “Scorpius and Albus were meant to be closer than friends” Then I see people describe “I couldn’t have done it without you” moments between the two. Two outcasts who are comfortable around one another to show appreciation, care and even love- as friends. It is in no way wrong or unnatural for two heterosexual young kids, later young teens, who are close as family. To assume that any close friendship must be a premise of more shows a lot about what we believe friendship should be, especially between boys- more guarded, detached. Less emotional, no hugging, no physical affection whatsoever. Physical affection between older children as always a sign of romantic interest, not a sign of two kindred souls. A cultural consideration to this- in Western culture, men are seen as less emotional, less expressive, less physically affectionate. What a better world it would be if every ounce of affection was celebrated but non-assuming, until such individuals actually called themselves otherwise! It is not as if a strong friendship has never been a theme in the Harry Potter books. This seemed a struggle for even JK Rowling herself, who wanted to pair off Harry and Hermione, rather than exploring their friendship as deep and pure. I must confess, as a teenager, watching the fourth movie, I was not able to discount romantic tension between Harry and Hermione. When the famed “tent” scene happened in the The Deathly Hallows movie, my mind wandered to questions of compatibility. Rowling voices concern about Hermione and Ron being a realistic relationship that would survive the test of time, and I agree that their love was more passionate than realistic. In much the same way that Rose and Scorpius probably would not be realistic. But ah, life does not always follow our expectations. I find also from personal experience, as JK does, that sometimes the more serious, intellectual women “like their men funny”. And you know what? There comes a point in a lot of relationships where you have your differences, but your passion and respect for one another outweighs conflicting personality traits. “Albus is too moody. Why is Albus so hostile, what does he have to worry about?” My final point, if I have worded this correctly, pertains to the notion that Albus shouldn’t be so glum, has no reason to be moody and is a strange contrast to what one assumes he should be. Albus lives in the looming shadow of his father, who he is learning is imperfect and human. Albus cannot seem to live with the notion that his father is not the hero everyone makes him out to be, and he gets angry. Most children view their parents as all-powerful and all-knowing up until a certain age, and disillusionment can be devastating. In this case, Albus also bears the weight of being a “Potter” and is expected to be just like the rest of the Potters in his awesomeness. As these expectations are not met, others tease him. He gets angry at himself for being the black sheep, and not living up to the expectations of others. All in all, he seems to crave a bit of normalcy not allowed of a Potter child. So maybe my delight in this playscript rode on the coattails of its predecessors, and maybe people have every right to be angry at the differences between what they consider canon and what they never wanted to be canon. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect it to, nor do people, or even ourselves. We have our own expectations and when they are unmet, we are unsettled and not so much entertained. Though I do not agree with many of the points brought up surrounding this playscript, I understand why people feel the way they feel about it, in part because the tale was so non-fantastical in its characterization, so shockingly human to an almost unsettling point. And that is why I love and appreciate it, when all is said and done.

#harry potter #the cursed child #harry potter and the cursed chiid #opinion #psychology #perspective #I liked it

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trippinglynet · 4 years

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Healing with Psychedelics by Chris Becker

Healing with Psychedelics Essays and Poems on Spirituality and Transformation

Illicit drugs are good. Or at least they can be, when used with intentionality to spur personal growth and healing.

This was once an unpopular opinion, but as science and society reexamines the role of psychedelics, and MDMA and Ketamine, the conclusion seems inevitable. Psychedelics compounds, MDMA and Ketamine each have the potential to heal old wounds, remove psychological scar tissue, and help those who are already well achieve further personal growth and contentment.

Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind has become an international bestseller, and is an unabashed love story for psychedelics. Our article Using the Psychedelic Experience for Personal Growth has been viewed over a million times since its publication in 2019. Ketamine is already being used to treat depression and is highly effective helping people with suicidal thoughts. And absent political interference, MDMA and psilocybin will be legal for supervised use in the United States by mid-2022, with FDA trials showing outstanding preliminary results. In short, science and society is catching up with what has been well known in psychedelic circles.

Chris Becker holds a Ph.D. in chemistry from UC Berkeley and was a postdoctoral associate at MIT in chemistry and physics. He is an author on 130 peer-reviewed scientific journal articles and 20 U.S. patents. He is also a practicing Buddhist and a man who struggled with substance abuse and interpersonal relationship challenges.

Healing with Psychedelics is Becker’s autobiographical examination of the role of guided MDMA and psychedelic experiences as well as Zen practices in healing his childhood psychological wounding. In addition to a series of essays, several poems punctuate the volume, reflecting the themes of the book. The work combines spiritualism and science to examine the path he followed to wellness.

Becker first examines the impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). ACEs are defined to include any abuse, neglect or other trauma experienced by a person under 18 years old, and includes physical, sexual and emotional abuse. Becker notes that 2/3rd of us have experienced an ACE, and 87% of those people go on to experience multiple ACEs, according to one study. The damage from ACEs can be hard to escape: unstable romantic relationships, depression, anxiety, substance abuse and other addictions can become the lifelong shadow of those afflicted.

Becker argues that American religious culture plays a significant role in perpetrating ACEs, in part by creating lifelong guilt and dysfunction, noting “…we can look to the widespread (mis)application of Christian beliefs as a major source of societally sanctioned childhood trauma.”

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Becker, a Buddhist, identifies several Buddhist spiritual leaders that struggled with dysfunction and addiction in their lives, and asks the obvious question: “Why didn’t these spiritual leaders heal their trauma when they were experts in methods to do so?” And immediately provides his answer: “Because they couldn’t see their early childhood trauma.” Whether the reader is persuaded by the author on this point may well depend on whether one is predisposed to the line of thinking that the memories and impact of their injuries were hidden in their unconscious as the argument is more of a thought-provoking assertion than a persuasively argued thesis.

While the book covers multiple themes, Becker’s most inspired writing focuses on his personal journey, which includes his experience moving past functional alcoholism, spousal neglect (resulting from his avoided attachment style) and challenged interpersonal relationships. Becker links these struggles he’s faced throughout adult life to his upbringing, and primarily to his distant relationship with his strict father.

In his mid-20s, the author began practicing Zen Buddhism, including zazen, the classic form of Zen Buddhist meditation. He had been raised by a Presbyterian mother and a Jewish father, a happenstance that he found fortuitous, as it gave him “a little stereovision and a lack of attachment to any one religion.” While studying at Columbia in the early 70s he enrolled in an Eastern religions class, and happened upon a book by Nāgārjuna, a highly influential Buddhist philosopher. After reading a few pages he decided he was a Buddhist, and continues to practice Buddhism with varying enthusiasm until present day.

In the early to mid-70s he also began exploring psychedelics, including mushrooms and LSD. He found, however, peyote to be most rewarding, in part inspired by the writings of Carlos Castaneda, whose reports of drug-fueled mystical journeys captured the imagination of many in the 1970s, some of whom would go on to seek divine truth with the help of psychedelics.

After a hiatus, Becker returned in earnest to Zen practices in 1986, following the death of his father only to find his practice interrupted as he dealt with the emotional complexities of a failed marriage. Issues with addiction and continued interpersonal problems continued to weigh on him, although around 2010 he jumpstarted his spiritual practice once again.

In 2019, the author undertook his first MDMA journey, which was spiritual and mystical in quality, unlike the typical MDMA experience. He described becoming one with a golden light, which he interpreted as love and eternal life. Becker reports tremendous and rapid personal growth, which he attributes to the experiences with MDMA, aided by a psychotherapist. He notes, without much detail, that the MDMA guided therapy “successfully uncovered and healed the bulk of the source of my pain and dysfunction”. A more detailed description of the process of finding an underground therapist, and methodology of the experience would have been a valuable elaboration, and more details on Becker’s personal healing would have provided additional heft to the book.

Becker then takes us on a valuable detour into meditation practices. Science has begun to explain the affinity between meditation and psychedelic compounds, both of which suppress activity in the brain’s default mode network, an area that is especially active when people are “wallowing in depression”. For those well versed in Zen practices, this section will prove to be a basic refresher, but for those with less exposure to these concepts, the author provides a well-written and thoughtfully focused examination of the challenges and benefits of meditation.

Becker goes on to undertake three psilocybin guided trips, two solo trips and one group experience. Each trip he describes as a celestial washing machine; “It cleans you if you’re ready, and you get tossed around in the process.”

As is common during guided trips, each was facilitated by an experienced guide who incorporated traditional spiritual accouterments, included an impactful dose of psychoactive mushrooms (3.5 grams to 5 grams), involved an eye shade and featured curated music. He ingested the mushrooms in the Mexican spiritual tradition: slowly nibbling the mushrooms with one’s front teeth, only swallowing after a prolonged period, which allows the active ingredient to be absorbed quickly and efficiently through the mouth. Many also report the process helps focus the mind for the coming journey.

Refreshingly, his trip descriptions are relatively brief, describing the set and setting, as well as his personal revelations, rather than trying to capture the mystical aspects of the journey. Anyone who has attempted to recreate the spirit of a psychedelic experience in the written word has become intimate with their ineffable qualities, and too many books have lost impact by trying to describe the indescribable. His focus provides an education on how guided trips are often facilitated, while also giving the readers insight to and connection with the author’s personal voyage.

Healing with Psychedelics can be a quick read, but includes plenty of depth to spur personal reflection. Anyone entering the world of using psychedelics for personal growth will find it engaging and informative, and an excellent launching pad for further investigation. The Kindle edition is currently only $2.99, a spectacular deal for such an engaging work.

Becker notes that his use of psychedelic has been solely for personal growth and healing, and his psychedelic journeys were done under supervision of experienced guides. While we at Trippingly.net advocate the use of MDMA and psychedelics for recreation as well as growth, Becker’s approach makes for a focused read and is effective. Becker’s personal story is interesting and well presented, and the book could easily have doubled in length while still holding the reader’s attention. Healing with Psychedelics is a welcomed addition to the growing list of books that recount transformational stories, while including enough instructional information to help guide its readers who are exploring psychedelics themselves.

A Note on Guided Trips

Since Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind (re)introduced the concept into popular culture, guided trips are once again a touchstone for debate in the psychedelic community. Many have no practical access to an experienced psychedelic guide in the United States and Western Europe, with the use of psychedelics being largely illegal outside of certain religious practices. Psychedelic integration therapy is becoming popular in the US, but provides only for guidance before and after the psychedelic experience, and many find this far less impactful than having a trained guide present to lead the psychedelic journey. (See our article How to Find a Psychedelic Guide or Integration Counselor).

Some have argued that the focus on guided trips in popular literature is disenfranchising the significant majority of the population that is likely to never have access to these hard-to-find, and increasingly expensive resources. One argument is that since the early days of exposure to psychedelics in the west, and in the United States in particular, the narrative around psychedelics has been largely written by wealthy and well-educated white men, who have shaped the psychedelic journey to fit their own narratives.

Perhaps the best known article on psychedelic mushrooms, Seeking the Magic Mushroom, which graced the cover of Life Magazine in 1957, introduced many in the west to psychedelics via the experience of a well-to-do PR man from JP Morgan, financed by Henry Luce to take hallucinogenic mushrooms in a Mazatec ceremony. Timothy Leary and Ram Dass continued the tradition of academic elitism in psychedelics, while Michael Pollan represents a modern take on wealthy white guys providing a narrative for the effective use of psychedelics. Chris Becker holds advanced degrees and professional accomplishment, while the editorial board of Trippingly.net is composed of wealthy Silicon Valley types.

"[R]esearchers believe it is not the molecules by themselves that can help patients change their minds. The role of the guide is crucial. People under the influence of psychedelics are extraordinarily suggestible — “think of placebos on rocket boosters,” a Hopkins researcher told me — with the psychedelic experience profoundly affected by “set” and “setting” — that is, by the volunteer’s interior and exterior environments. For that reason, treatment sessions typically take place in a cozy room and always in the company of trained guides." -- Michael Pollan, My Adeventures with the Trip Doctors, May 15, 2018

So what is one to make of this all? The evidence is admittedly anecdotal. We know of no double-blind scientific study that shows guided psychedelic experiences are more beneficial than ones taken alone or with friends. Nonetheless, the weight of personal and anecdotal experience is heavy here. Although people experience significant breakthroughs on their own, psychedelics break habitual thought patterns and render people unusually subject to the power of suggestion. Small pushes and prods, or even curated changes in music or environment can lead people down one path or another. Having an expert who knows just when to give a gentle nudge can help guide the trip to the most fertile fields. Professional guides are also skilled at helping psychonauts prepare themselves with clearly defined intentions, and the well-tuned mental attitudes for explosive growth. Finally, the very act of seeking out a guide and attending a ceremony places an expectancy on the encounter that may lead to more intense healing and growth.

Can one achieve meaningful growth without a guide? Of course. But the odds increase by setting a clear intention of what is to be accomplished. More growth is likely when a carefully curated path is followed, as we set out in our admittedly dense article, Using the Psychedelic Experience for Personal Growth. But ultimately, we believe that combining intentionality, a curated path to growth and an in-person guided session produces the highest odds of achieving meaningful change.

We acknowledge the hard reality of this assertion: those without access to guides will face a more challenging path than those seeking growth on their own. The answer, however, is to not only legalize the use of psychedelics and MDMA, but to provide social resources, insurance and destigmatization to make psychedelic guides available to all who need them.