#there’s also something about his vain fixation on his appearance not actually being born of proper vanity

[rain-harmonia]

hi tumblr I am, as many people are, going fucking insane over the silly little vampire man. I was encouraged to post some thoughts I had about him so uh here you go!!

Pre-vampire Astarion had a different kind of style. Different color preferences, clothing, patterns, hair.

Game era Astarion got off the nautiloid like that - which means we can assume he got taken like that - which means we can assume that’s not a style he’s chosen himself but a visual identity he’s been forced into for 200 years that he hasn’t yet found the ability to change

Even when he kills Cazador. There’s not a Shadowheart-esque moment of changing his appearance to reflect his development even though his appearance can be tied even more to the trauma he’s trying to overcome than Shadowheart’s can

Because he’s spent so long not able to be his own person. Not allowed to find his own tastes. There isn’t some identity lurking beneath the facade, waiting to break forth. Cazador broke him down, hollowed him out, made sure there was nothing except what Cazador wanted him to be

So some time post-game.. it starts slowly. He changes his hairstyle first. His family (they are still alive, they’re elves, fight me about it) tries to lay out clothes for him that used to suit his tastes but he doesn’t feel right putting them on it. It’s not the same kind of performative that Cazador demanded from him, but it feels performative all the same. He goes shopping around, he strays from anything similar to what he would have worn during the Cazador era or during his lifetime. For a while it’s anything that catches his eye, trying out whatever he realizes he likes. Sometimes it ends up a little silly. But eventually he does settle into his preferences. Finally something uniquely him, who he’s become and what he’s decided to like.

The symbolic change of a character’s visual design, but it takes years, maybe even decades

#if there was a coherent point to this I lost it quickly but I hope you enjoyed the ramble anyway #I just. think about him so much. #and I’m a huge fan of when character designs evolve alongside character development #so when there was an absolute lack of change in Astarion’s design after Cazador’s death it got my wheels spinning #there’s also something about his vain fixation on his appearance not actually being born of proper vanity #but my thoughts are too scattered to elaborate on that one rn #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate astarion

[thesoundofnat]

A Pretty Mess

Tony/Steve

Summary: Tony is good looking, but is he good looking enough to be with Steve? According to the media (and himself), no. Or so he thinks.

[Read it on AO3]

Words: 2 272

Tony knew he was good looking. Not necessarily because he was vain, but because it had been chanted by everyone around him ever since he turned 18. The media practically went crazy once he was in his 20s, so much so that he almost felt uncomfortable. That was when he decided to start complimenting women on their accomplishments and brains first, looks second.

He was also well aware that Steve was good looking, even when they hadn’t really gotten along. It had pissed him off how someone with such a beautiful face could be so infuriating, but at least it made their first kiss more passionate.

Tony could look at the famous Captain America freely now, eyes roaming over curves and skin; way more skin than the world had ever seen. He wasn’t stupid. He knew people questioned why Steve Rogers was with him, a man who still had it but who was getting older day by day. One day he’d wake up and not a single magazine would be thirsting after him. It didn’t necessarily bother him. He had more to offer the world than his looks, but it stung a little bit to know that certain people thought Steve was too pretty for him.

“It’s all in your head,” Rhodey said when he confided this in him. “No one’s ever commented on your age, Tones.”

Tony snorted. “I know I should be proud that Steve is with me, and I am, trust me, but I sometimes can’t help but wonder why.”

“I think this stems more from your own insecurities than actual facts.”

He never brought it up with Steve. Not fully anyway. Steve would shut down every argument he’d have, and Tony would rather sulk about this in silence than to have Steve know he was sulking. He reckoned their relationship was still too new for Steve to know how messed up he could be.

“Looking good, Captain.”

Those words should’ve left Tony’s mouth, but instead they’d left the mouth of a journalist, her camera in their faces as Steve and Tony tried to make their way from a gala to their car. Steve shot her a shy smile, still unsure of how to act in situations like this. Tony had practically been born under a spotlight, but even he could sometimes feel a bit flustered. Now was not one of those cases.

He shot her an unimpressed look as they reached the car, only looking away to open the door for Steve who kissed him once they were both inside, the dark windows hiding them from the world.

“Thank you,” he said when they pulled away.

“Don’t mention it. You had a good night?”

“It was all right. Would’ve prefered to stay home.”

“Wouldn’t we all.”

The car started moving, but Happy didn’t say a word to them, only rolled up the partition as if he knew Tony needed the privacy. Tony needed to give that man a raise or something.

He cleared his throat. “Thank you for accompanying me. Being alone at these things is a bore.”

“It was my pleasure.”

“I can give you more pleasure once we’re home, and hey, you’ll actually have fun.”

Steve shook his head, lips curled in a grin. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Are you turning down the offer?”

“Well, no.”

“Hah.”

“Oh, hush. Don’t look so smug.”

“I have America’s biggest eye candy on my arm. I have the right to.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I should walk around being smug all the time then.”

“Not that I’m only dating you for your looks- wait, come again?”

“Have you seen yourself?” Steve’s cheeks were tinted a rosy pink, but Tony was too busy trying to understand to relish in the sight. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

“Not according to the media.” Tony hadn’t meant to say it. He’d wanted to smile shyly and duck his head and have Steve repeat it until he believed it, and then kiss him all the way to the Tower, take a break to walk to the elevator, and then kiss him again until they were in bed, undressed. But his traitor of a mouth didn’t have a filter.

“What do you mean?” Steve was frowning at him, and Tony was reminded once again why he’d wanted to keep this to himself. Damned was the man who made Steve Rogers anything other than happy, Tony included.

He opened his mouth, every single word he wanted to say dying at the tip of his tongue. He closed it, looked away. He suddenly wished Happy would put on some music or something.

“Well,” he started, fully aware of how easy it would be to laugh this off. Tell Steve the media was crazy about him and that it made Tony proud (which it did). But the bitter tone in his voice had been way too audible. He couldn’t escape this now.

“They love you, you know,” he said. “For good reason, of course, but what they say about you used to be what they said about me, once. When I was younger.”

Steve didn’t reply. Only tilted his head in a silent request for him to continue.

“I’m not jealous of your success. Hell, if the world got together and started praising you like a god I’d be right there in the front line, praising you with them. But…”

“But?”

“I guess it makes me wonder why you’re with me. When you’re literally a masterpiece. S’all.”

Steve looked angry now. Tony had expected it, but it was still shocking to see that glare be directed at him so fiercely.

He looked away, but Steve’s hand on his chin forced him to turn back.

“You- who put these things into your head?”

Tony smiled. A sad smile. “No one ever needs to put stuff like that into my head.”

“Tony-”

“Steve, I- it’s not your fault. It’s all me.”

“Stop it. You do know I’m absolutely crazy about you, right?” Tony didn’t reply, so Steve placed both hands on his cheeks, fingertips in his hair. “There’s not a day where I don’t wonder how I got so lucky.”

“Ditto,” Tony said, his voice embarrassingly shaky. He cleared his throat. “Whenever people call you good looking I want to scream it ten times louder. Maybe I’m jealous that they have the courage to say it so loudly and publicly.”

“You don’t have to tell the world, you know. Telling me is enough.” Tony knew he didn’t just mean it in relations to his appearance.

He closed the gap, letting his lips capture Steve’s. Forgetting the world, for just a moment.

“We’re here, boss,” Happy said - loudly - from the front seat just as the car stopped. Fucking buzzkill.

*

That night, Steve refused to stop reminding him of how good he was. How handsome and smart and funny and charismatic. Yes, Steve really did use the word charismatic. Of course he did.

Tony laughed it off at first. “Stop it. We don’t have to get fixated on this.”

“Yes, we do,” was all Steve replied, his nose brushing against Tony’s collarbone. “We really, really do.”

After that, Tony got shy. It was ridiculous, but it was the truth. The more Steve touched him, kissed him, and told him how beautiful he was, the warmer his blush grew. Steve grinned, but was kind enough to not comment on it.

“You’re so fucking beautiful when you smile,” he said, and Tony covered his face and said smile with a hand. “Hey, hey, no, look at me. To hide like that would be a crime.”

“Mm, and what would be my punishment, Captain?” That would probably be more effective if Tony wasn’t a bright red mess.

“I might have to tie you up,” Steve said, and wow okay apparently Tony could go redder.

Once Steve allowed Tony to pin him, the compliments never once stopping, Tony started laughing, unsure of how to take them. Steve mock scolded him for not taking him seriously, but the night got very giggly after that.

“Seriously, though,” Steve said much later when the world was getting brighter. “Do you still question me being with you?”

“I guess not,” Tony said, squirming beneath the covers.

“Because I’ve never been more certain of something in my entire life.”

If Tony was a crier he would’ve wept then and there.

*

“You’re pretty.”

Steve looked up, catching Tony’s eye. “Thank you?”

Tony let out a laugh. “You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

“I just- you said it weirdly.”

“I’m trying to remind myself that I can say it whenever I want and as many times as I want.”

“Don’t overdo it.”

“Like you overdid it last night?”

Steve grinned sheepishly. “I don’t regret it.”

“I didn’t say you should.” Tony took a sip of his coffee. “You’re damn lucky this sacred thing exists though.”

“You’re the one who didn’t tell me you had a meeting.”

“You think I remember all my meetings? My life is just an ongoing surprise party, only the party parts are alarms and phone calls asking me where I am.”

“Sounds fun.”

Tony grunted, checking his watch. “All right, beautiful, I’m off. Wait, that made it sound like you’re the wife I leave behind.”

“Well, it’s not too far off.”

“Ha ha. See you later.”

They kissed. Tony took one last sip of his coffee, and left, but not before Steve called him beautiful back. They were kind of gross, but he liked it.

*

It became normal for them to call each other pet names after that, mostly in private, but it slipped out from time to time. Seeing their fellow teammates’ reactions made it pretty worth it.

“Did you just call him pretty?” Clint asked incredulously. “Oh geez, and here I thought I’d have to deal with walking in on the two of you making out, but it turns out you’re gonna rub your love in my face instead.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “It’s just a pet name.”

“Does he call you pretty back?”

“I call him beautiful,” Tony said, smirking to himself when Clint snorted.

“Gross. I’m out of here.”

“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, Barton.”

“Fuck right off, Stark.”

Natasha merely sent them knowing looks when it happened in front of her, and Bruce and Thor didn’t say a word, though Thor looked pretty pleased about the whole thing, which was sort of endearing.

They never did it in front of Rhodey, but Tony kept him in the loop and told him about it anyway.

“I told you it was all in your head,” he said.

“It’s not, though. The media still thinks he’s too pretty for me.”

“The media isn’t Steve, and Steve’s opinion carries more, don’t you think?”

Maybe so, but Tony still had a voice in the back of his mind that he couldn’t shut up no matter how hard he tried. It was more annoying than affecting, but it was there, and sometimes, when he was already feeling low, it messed him up.

“Do you think it bothers someone so much that we’re dating that they have a plan to take me out?” Tony asked one night, the two of them curled up on the couch in the lounge, no other Avengers around.

Steve snorted. “I’d like to see them try. Besides, I’m sure there are people who are thinking the opposite.”

“They love us?”

“That too, but I meant that they want to take me out of the picture.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Tony.”

“Oh, no, you’re using that voice again.” The one he only used when Tony was being self-deprecating.

“Can you blame me? How many times do I have to tell you that you’re gorgeous?”

“Two more times.”

“You’re gorgeous.”

“Again.”

“You’re gorgeous.”

“All right, I think I got it.”

Steve shifted a bit in order to see him better, a smile playing on his lips. “You sure? Because I can keep going.”

“I think you convinced me you find me attractive like a week ago.”

“Ah, and yet you’ve let me keep up the reminders.”

“Reminders don’t hurt.”

“That’s true.”

“Wait, hold on.” Tony fished his phone out of his pocket, swiping to the camera smoothly and turning it on video mode. “Hey, Rogers,” he said, aiming it at him. Steve had that confused half-smile thing going on and Tony wouldn’t be able to keep in his next words even if he tried. “You’re beautiful, did you know?”

He laughed then, all embarrassed giggles and scrunched up face. It really was as if they had an audience right now. “So are you.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you over how absolutely stunning you are.”

“You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, Tony Stark.”

Tony turned the video off quickly, exhaling loudly. “Geez, way to make me flustered on camera.”

“Why did you film that?”

“Because you’re cute when you get put on the spot like that. And because if I can tell that in a video I can tell that to the world.”

“You don’t have to tell anyone, Tony.”

“I know. But I’d like to. Every single time someone else tells you I long to scream it louder.” He shook his head. “Wait, I think I’ve already told you that.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s the truth.”

“We don’t have to scream it to the world, you know. I know the media makes you feel a bit insecure, but it was never about them.” Steve cupped his cheek, caressing the skin with his thumb. “It’s only about us.”

Maybe Tony’s insecurities couldn’t get cured that easily, but he had to admit he hung onto Steve’s every word.

#stony #superhusbands #superhusbands fic #stevetony #stony fic #avengers fic #mine #nat writes #a pretty mess