#they're easier to think of as real proper heroes when you see them helping with natural disasters

[informaticn]

anyways here is a reason the aven/gers are so very prominent   &   baked into so much of the world at large.   they don’t just exist to show up   &   fight off an army,   then disappear for a few years to come back   &   do it again.   they’re in constant work   &   motion,   constant boots on the ground helping people with daily issues on top of fighting the big bad   &   cleaning up in the aftermath.

#it's interesting to think about how public opinion of the aven/gers is so low in the mcu #when compared to the opinion people hold of them in the comics bc the comics do have them actually doing little things #like. they're easier to like when you see them helping clean up #they're easier to think of as real proper heroes when you see them helping with natural disasters #they're easier to sympathize with when you see them directing traffic or saving cats from trees #they're just...... easier to imagine as real people when they're helping real people with real problems as they do #which isn't to say that some people don't hate them bc the absolutely do #governments in particular fuckin loathe them sometimes as well as some other organizations & groups #but overall you see a much higher opinion of them bc they have a much higher standard of conduct #anyways this is a superhero support blog first & a rp blog like fourth & i'm gonna do the takeover thing now i'll be back #* ooc. / shitposting from marble's basement.

[girl-with-cat-eyes]

My favorite thing about encanto is how every character has issue going with them. Even Alma. But it doesn't excuse what did they do wrong.

When you first see Luisa she's this big strong helper who doesn't need support. But in actuality she's struggling and feels like she has to support everyone or else everything will go wrong. She doesn't want to be a burden. And her powers failing isn't because she realizes it. She tries to relax, only she feels guilty and tries to makeup for it, and that's when her powers fail. When she tries to go back to unhealthy habits.

And then Isabela looks like she's perfect and never has pressure ever. But in actuality her perfection is an act and she thinks she needs to be perfect. And while not excused in any way, her relationship with Mirabel is a direct result of that. Mirabel think she doesn't have real problems due to veiwing her as perfect. But Isabela thinks that because Mirabel doesn't have a gift she doesn't have the pressure she deals with. Mirabel isn't even really listening to her at first in what else can I do. She's just going through the motions of making up so they can hug like Brunos vision showed. And in the end it's not the hug that causes the healing, it's Mirabel stopping and listening to what Isabela is saying. It's them communicating and Isabela realizing she doesn't have to be perfect that causes healing to happen. The hug just represents that.

Or Peppa. She never shows her emotions because of the effect it would have on the town. She represses her emotions for the benefit of others. In We Don't Talk About Bruno she immediately brings up her wedding and being angry. But when she sees him again she clearly loves and misses him. She disguises her pain as anger because it's easier to be angry than hurt.

And Bruno! Bruno leaves because he believes that his vision would hurt Mirabel and that it would be his fault. Who spends the next decade trying to fix the cracks with his absence. On some level he believes that he's not welcome.

None of them realize that their actions aren't healthy. The only one who can realize it is Mirabel. She's the outsider. The one on the sidelines. Her lack of powers separate her from her family. And in an ironic twist of fate, her being an outsider allows her to realize that what happening to the family.

All of it leads back to Alma and her trauma. To that moment when Pedro sacrificed himself to save her and their babies. She down plays the pain at first. When shown at the beginning Alma the focus isn't on how he died, it's on what came after. That's how Alma viewed that moment. She couldn't let herself mourn the loss of her husband. She had three babies to take care of.

So she buries the pain, focusing on the magic of the house instead. On helping the community. And she never leaves that mindset. She pressures everyone to be perfect so they can survive. Because if they don't survive then Pedro died for nothing.

Alma spends 50 years dealing with grief and survivors guilt. Not only because Pedro died while she lived. But probably because the Madrigals were given the gift and no one else was. They have to help because they were given the ability too. So she ignores her pain and her family's pain too. Pain that she inflicts.

It's only when rightfully called out does Alma realize what she's done. And when the house is gone and everything is in shambles is when real healing begins. Alma admits what she's been through but doesn't use it as an excuse. She apologizes for her actions. Mirabel's apology isn't her taking back what she said. It's her realizing that her untouchable hero of an abuela is hurting. And it's her saying, "I hear you. You can cry and be hurt. You can be vulnerable."

It's why rebuilding Casita is "building a new foundation". They're rebuilding the family anew. This time with proper communication and support. And now it's not just Mirabel listening to everyone. It's everyone listening and singing in Harmony.

And when Casita comes back, when the family is back as a family, Mirabel doesn't get a power. But she doesn't need a power. Her real power comes from listening. But she still get a door because now she's being included the way she always should have been. And the house isn't perfect, the family isn't perfect. The scars will always be there. But future generations like Antonio won't go through the pain.

They show how one event can cause trauma for generations to come. And that when parents don't work in healing themselves, their kids will end up hurt too. And unlike real life. Everyone gets to heal from their pain. The Madrigals get to both heal as individuals and as a family. They learn to support each other and allow themselves to be supported.

It doesn't usually happen in real life. In real life sometimes your family won't admit that their hurt. Elders often times say that they've been through worse but it doesn't affect them. And they don't admit the pain they've caused. So the cycle of abuse and trauma continues. Unfortunately a lot of times in order to heal you have to cut out those people. You don't get to heal as a family.

That's why I like Encanto. It showed that this is what could happen. It's the healing many of us want for our families.

#encanto #my thoughts #idk i just think they showed a complex situation #and thats why you can'y just say oh Abuela is a villain #she hurt her family by her actions and they have a right to be upset about it #and she should work to heal those relationships #but shes also been through horrific events

[silver-wield]

Okay, as requested a few days ago, a Cloud and Aerith analysis. I feel like I've spent a lot of time in chapter 8/9 today lol 

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 

Clerith playground scene 

Cloti body language plate fall 

Cloud and Barret friendship 

Resolution scene analysis (A) 

Barret character analysis (chapter 13) 

Cloud character analysis (Honey Bee Inn) 

Cloud character analysis (Barret's death) 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

Okay, our delightful heroine (I will rein in the sarcasm, but Aerith aggs me when Cloud says no and she ignores him. No means no.) and our moody af hero have finally got done with the flowery side quests, kiddos, Rude and the giant hands of crash crash boom oops there's an invisible wall there minigame trip through sector 6 to reach sector 7.

Aerith says “let's take a break.”

Cloud says, “No.”

They take a break anyway.

(I've already done the slide analysis, link above)

Back down from the slide and it's time to go. Aerith opens up the underground link into sector 7 and we're venturing into awkward goodbyes.

So, we're starting with Aerith being chipper and cute with the quips. Standard stuff. It's possible she's feeling regretful they're parting, but I've said plenty of times that of everyone in this, Aerith has the best poker face. There's very few times she lets that mask slip and lets us see what she's really feeling and it's usually in times of intense stress. This isn't stressful, although she was feeling down a few moments ago while talking about Zack, so maybe that'll make her a little easier to read. For now, though, she's fronting like a boss.

Hmm interesting. He's definitely thoughtful here. So, I'm gonna have to put together some possibilities.

He's clearly mellowed his attitude towards her – he was proper stroppy at her house the day before, shouting and so on – so this isn't negative. We could say he started feeling more positive towards her through their interactions over the day or maybe when he saw the whole Rude bit and realised she's not quite what he first thought. Or it might have been when he saw her looking downcast about not high fiving or it could've been their chat on the slide that finally thawed him out towards her.

And Aerith's the same. Her smile falters just a bit and she can't meet his eye. Maybe she knows they have no reason to meet again or that her mother told him not to see her. We don't know for sure, but it's possible, otherwise why is she disappointed? She could expect to see him again. They could make plans. It could be meta!Aerith knowing that Cloud is probably better off not getting to know her.

Eugh dammit. Does anyone know how hard it is to analyse people's motives when you can't see their faces clearly? I bet this was on purpose, thanks Square.

I mean, having to go by the above data I've mentioned, they could both be feeling the same lingering regret intuitively. You know like how you just get the sense how someone's feeling? That.

Their poses are identical, and coupled with the slightly awkward intonation on “so” I'd look at this and say this comes across like a couple of teenagers who kinda like each other and don't know how to take the next step. You know, that kind of immature I have no idea what I'm doing with my life kinda deal. That's not to say it's romantic, especially not from Cloud. He's an awkward introvert. Aerith has no social skills. They're not friends and up until five minutes ago Cloud was annoyed af at her. That'd make for an awkward goodbye.

Aerith laughs, Cloud doesn't, and she moves aside so he can leave. Looks like the moment’s over.

Before going, Cloud turns back to ask if Aerith can get home ok. This looks like polite concern, which I'd expect considering they just came through an area full of monsters, mech and bandits. If Cloud wasn't concerned, I'd call him a douchebag. His eyes widen a little as he speaks, but it's not that same kind of expression he pulls whenever we're suspecting a visit from real!Cloud. This is SOLDIER!Cloud asking. 

(I've said that typically Cloud's eyes go very wide as a hint that his real self is reacting to things, but widening eyes on their own do not indicate real!Cloud. It's something about the way he does it that shows it's not quite right for the SOLDIER persona we usually see. I can't explain it properly, but it's likely something the devs have done to his microexpressions on purpose to differentiate between the two and without knowing exactly what I can't put a pin in it. All I can say is when it looks like real!Cloud is expressing himself and when it isn't because there’s a difference that I’ve picked up on.)

This is flirting. Plain and simple. Head tilted, little smile, crinkling eyes. She's amused and teasing him in a flirtatious manner and her dialogue backs that up, although at the same time the tone she puts it in also sounds quite matter of fact, like she's genuinely asking what if she wasn't ok? That likely does appeal to the protective SOLDIER side of Cloud. He wants to be known as the hero. Still not romantic.

That's what I like to call a shit-fuck-bollocks moment. The realisation he should take her back home and make sure she's safe, but then he's also got to get back to sector 7, and this is all SOLDIER!Cloud's debate. There's no sign of real!Cloud and there's a quick decisive result that he should do the right thing, which is why he says he’ll take her home.

This is nothing like in the honey bee inn later when you see the clear back and forth of his eyes darting around as he argues with real!Cloud about dancing to get Andrea's approval.

And Aerith laughs again because I think she's aware how ridiculous it is that he'll walk her back when he needs to get home. She was teasing the entire time, but it looks like it went over Cloud's head – colour me unsurprised.

I mean, there's no romantic undertone to her expression here. It's genuine amusement and I'd definitely say friendship towards Cloud.

Ah the image that certain people hang their hat on. Let's get this one done.

Aerith says she has a backup route for emergencies that's safer than the one they used. You can hear Cloud start to speak—- ask a question because the sound is a “W” -- then cuts himself off and smiles. That smile is a mix of bemused and amused. 

For anyone who doesn't have a stupidly large vocabulary and thinks those two are the same thing:

Bemused

adjective: puzzled, confused, or bewildered.

Amused

adjective: finding something funny or entertaining.

Cloud's bemused because back at the start of the collapsed expressway he literally asked if there was a better way and she avoided answering. So, he's caught her in a lie and what can he do about it? Nothing. That's why he's all "of course there's a safer route".

And then we're back in control and moving onto the next part of the game.

Conclusion:

Well, they're awkward. Both of them. Cloud is an introvert with mental issues and Aerith has no social skills and a terrible personality flaw in which she bosses everyone around and doesn't listen.

I wouldn't say they're friends, more like comrades. Cloud's still very resistant to her company even after she helps him save Tifa.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #Cloud Strife #Aerith Gainsborough #Character analysis

[megers67]

BNHA OC 2: Tanaka Rin

My second OC for BNHA. I came up with her second as a counterpart to Hibiki but I love her on her own as well.

Hibiki's Bio

Hero Profile

Once again, I'm so sorry there isn't a Read More. I'm on mobile and there's no damn way for me to do it.

APPEARANCE: Rin is pretty tall and of athletic build. She has bright blue hair (dyed from her natural darker blue) that, while the style changes fairly frequently, always stays short. It's never past her chin and is usually shorter than that. Because of her quirk, she is completely unaffected by the outside temperature. That means she can literally wear anything she wanted at any time, much to the annoyance of her friends. She has a decent fashion sense, but is literally blind and so can't see the colors for anything. Though even if she could, she has the confidence to wear crazy color combos. She likes people's reactions to her attire like a neon pink miniskirt in the dead of winter or a big fluffy coat in the summer heat or something. Rin does generally keep it seasonal for the most part though she still wears clashing colors. Doesn't help that Hibiki is usually the one to help Rin out in that department, and while SHE is sighted, she has absolutely no fashion sense herself. So Rin gets to enjoy walking around like a fucking disaster. For those who try to make negative comments, she cheerfully informs them that she's blind and that usually shuts them up. She also usually wears sunglasses because it's much easier to use her thermal vision when outside light is blocked out.

This doesn't really do it justice, but I'm limited to what Love Nikki is giving me. I could go more clashing, but most of that also involves clothes that don't line up (like shirts going outside the coat, etc) and I hate the look of that.

PERSONALITY: Rin is bright and cheerful and very outgoing. She is persistent in her desire to befriend most people she comes across, but knows when to tone things down or when someone needs space. Like Hibiki, she will also drop everything to help someone out, though it is far less draining on her than Hibiki. She's a fixer though so she's not great to go to if you just want to vent. If you do want to do something about something or help getting something done, then she is perfect for the job.

While Rin exudes positivity, she certainly has her own insecurities, mostly stemming from her fear that she isn't good enough to be a hero. She's not the strongest or the smartest, the fastest, most technically skilled, or have the best quirk. On top of that, she's blind. While her quirk goes a long way to make her independent, she still relies on others for a lot of things and suffers from imposter's syndrome. Being at UA has actually helped her a lot to combat these feelings, but they can still hit her pretty hard. Because she hides it behind a wall of positivity, it can be hard to spot when she's beating herself up over something. Hibiki seems to be one of, if not the, only one who can consistently read her and guide her through it. Rin isn't quick to anger unless it is on someone else's behalf in which case, she really lets it loose and will want to do something about it.

QUIRK: Her quirk is Heat. Specifically, she can make herself a heat sink or heat source and can use that to control the temperature of what she touches or the air immediately surrounding her. Her entire body is therefore unaffected by extreme temperatures (and she doesn't need to regulate a normal body temperature). This means that she doesn't get burned or frostbite so she can be standing in a raging inferno and only need to worry about getting enough air to breathe. She has yet to reach the temperature limits on her body so her intensity and range is largely limited by the amount of energy she has and any environmental constraints. Because her quirk uses her body's energy, she needs to eat a lot to keep up. Her range can increase with contact with a conductive material as it can help direct the flow of energy. Her quirk doesn't produce fire or ice and so can be difficult for an opponent to track if they're not aware of it. Rin also uses her quirk as a form of thermal imaging to navigate the world around her. This means that she has a lot of independence and doesn't need external aids for most situations. Additionally, she is completely at ease in the dark as there is little change to her.

There are, however, limitations. She can't sense through barriers such as walls, even those that sighted people can see through like glass. She can sense through barriers if a conductive material goes through it to the other side, but even then the clarity is greatly diminished. Though even that can be very useful. Another limitation is that she can't read anything printed or written on a page, screen, sign, etc. She just sees that there is a paper there. For school work, she is allowed a laptop that has a text-to-speech option so that she can hear back her notes after she types them. Rin will also have one of her classmates go over her notes to make sure she didn't miss anything, though usually her own notes tend to be better since it's faster to type than to physically write things down. For non-school work, ie. when she's out and about, she has Hibiki or someone else with her read something out to her. She would even ask strangers, but this usually only happens when she's out shopping and needs to know a price. The same goes for colors. Rin was previously sighted so she remembers colors and even processes her thermal vision via colors but she doesn't know something's real color. Hibiki has gotten pretty good at describing colors to her.

PAST: Not nearly as sordid (or detailed) as Hibiki's to be sure. She has a loving family and an older brother. Her childhood was fairly normal to be sure. Rin was always popular in school because everyone just liked her and she always made an effort for anyone to feel included. Especially the new girl, Hibiki, who keeps to herself in the corner. And she even succeeds in becoming her friend! Yay!

But her life changed forever when she turned 11. All she wanted was to figure out the limitations of her quirk. Naturally this meant trying to get her hand as hot as she could as fast as she could. Turns out that really hot things get really really bright and that prolonged exposure to bright light can permanently damage your eyes. After one too many times, her sight never returns. After that, Rin was a mess. Losing a sense was hard and it didn't help that everyone treated her like a fragile porcelain doll. Almost everyone. Hibiki didn't. In fact, she was the same calm voice of reason that she always was. In fact little had changed between them. Just the subject matter of their conversations. It was Hibiki who pointed out that maybe she could try using her quirk to sense things like the goggles police and heroes sometimes use. And like that, they went from friends to inseparable best friends.

They applied to UA together and while they both got in, Hibiki didn't make it to the hero course like she did. Initially Rin was nervous because Hibiki helped her out a lot over the last few years and now they could only be together during lunch or off hours (even though Hibiki was convinced that being in different classes mean they would drift apart, Rin insisted otherwise). She would have to face being blind alone for the first time. That anxiety didn't last very long because her class was pretty cool about it. Her teachers also made sure she had proper accommodations both in and out of class.

The sports festival was very exciting because she was able to see just how much she'd grown, but Hibiki as well. Rin made sure that they did their handshake in front of everyone to show both Hibiki and the world that whatever happened, they were still friends. And even as Rin finally knocked Hibiki out of the ring, both were smiling. Even though she didn't win, getting third was pretty damn cool.

Rin does her field training with Backdraft in the Musutafu fire department. She finds that she actually quite likes rescue work even though she still wants to fight villains. She continues to train, increasing her stamina to use her quirk more and in larger strength.

Even though she was sad that one of her classmates chose to drop the hero course, she was very happy that that meant that Hibiki was now joining the class. She was very active in getting Hibiki accepted into the group. Rin also worked hard to make sure that Hibiki was all caught up as far as the hero course was concerned. Rin got her provisional license and did her internship with a hero that was more villain-centric to get that kind of experience and was particularly useful for night missions because of her thermal vision, but it made her lose a lot of sleep. She started taking naps between classes and during lunch, relying on Hibiki to sneak her snacks during class to keep going.

OTHER SKILLS AND TIDBITS: Rin is the resident Hibiki whisperer. If you ever wanted Hibiki to do something, your best bet is to get Rin on it. Rin is down for pretty much anything and can talk Hibiki into pretty much anything even for a more passive role.

She has ADHD. She has it mostly under control, but when she doesn't, Hibiki knows how to pull her back together and get back to work.

Because Rin's body is resistant to extreme temperatures, when she thinks she is getting sick, she will "flash" to basically incinerate the pathogen. Unfortunately this also burns away any good bacteria she has in her gut as well as any non-digested food still in her system. The combo makes her nauseous anyway. She gets scolded for it every time but still insists she'll get it right some day.

She is the undisputed best cuddler because she can make her body temp juuuust the right level of warmth for whoever she's cuddling. This is especially popular during the winter.

By default, her body temperature is the normal and average level. But sometimes it will accidentally rise or lower itself without her noticing, usually due to emotions. She doesn't really notice until it's pointed out by someone that she accidentally burned or froze something.

Rin is really good to have in the kitchen because she can tell when things are cooked through to the exact temp it should be, make sure something is cooked evenly, or retrieve an ingredient that accidentally fell into boiling water too early, etc. Her favorite "party trick" is for when people are unfamiliar with her quirk, she will "accidentally" lean on a hot stove and freak them out.

She has a pretty mischievous streak in her. While she doesn't like initiating pranks, she loves being an accomplice in them. Rin is staunchly neutral during prank wars but is more than willing to lend her services to either side.

Rin likes "watching" movies even though she can't see the images on the screen. She enjoys making up her own as she hears the dialogue. The first question her friends usually have when the credits roll is "okay, what do you THINK just happened?" A lot of the time, the answer is a lot more fun than what actually happened because she has a really active imagination.

She can read Japanese braille, but it doesn't come up incredibly often. Rin is in the process of learning Japanese sign language because she wants to be good representation for disabilities and advocate for accessibility.

Rin doesn't like "turning off" her thermal vision very much, but it can get tiring after a while. She tends to do so during class since she doesn't really need it then. She'll only "turn off" outside of class if she's alone with Hibiki since she was around from the beginning. She's okay being vulnerable around her.

She doesn't like having long hair herself, but greatly enjoys playing with Hibiki's.

Rin is pansexual and has known since junior high. But she hasn't done a lot of dating since she only seems to have a consistent crush on a certain someone who just doesn't seem interested.

Rin doesn't like travelling very far by herself because she's afraid that she will suddenly get too tired to maintain her thermal vision, leaving her vulnerable, lost, and alone.

She really likes cats, but it's kind of a problem because Hibiki is allergic. Hibiki will still go with her to cat cafes to keep her company, but Rin usually feels really bad about it and so will usually ask other people to join her before resorting to asking Hibiki.

Just as Hibiki is the best hider in hide and seek, Rin is the best seeker because of her thermal vision. She is no longer allowed to be seeker.

#bnha oc #oc #mha oc #megers67 oc #oc: rin

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Poor Pablo

Jimmy: You here? Janis: standing to attention, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: Can I stay at yours tonight like? Janis: 'Course, my Dad already extended the offer when he was trying to parent me lol Janis: Yours doing your head in? Jimmy: Seriously though? I'll sleep in the bath and try not to have Skerries flashbacks. Give a shit Jimmy: Yeah Janis: You don't have to Janis: though I've been told its comfier than you'd imagine if you're feeling it Janis: What's his damage...not ideal they had to call the parentals in but it is just detention, not a court date, y'know? Janis: I'd have figured out a way to take all the blame if I knew he'd go off Janis: Wank bank fantasy getting outta hand in the stalls? 🤔😉 Jimmy: It's an excuse for him to get at me, that's it Jimmy: Doesn't really matter what the drama is Jimmy: 😍 Proper romantic you 💕 Janis: Yeah Janis: Suppose it'd make a nice change to have you as the bad guy for once, eh? Janis: fuck that though Janis: Who me? Janis: never Jimmy: What d'you mean 😎👎💔 Jimmy: I'm so bad Janis: Very bad boy, NOT bad guy, waaaaaay different vibe Janis: Silly Jimmy: Good save Janis: Not a goalie or a superhero Janis: but Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: What time can I come over? Freezing here casually Janis: Come over now idiot Janis: Be doing me a favour anyway, be your charming self so I can escape the fam Jimmy: Done Jimmy: Want me to bring you anything? I'm thinking chips but no pressure Janis: Quite the offer Janis: but no need Janis: there's always so much food going in this gaff Janis: may as well help yourself Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm just gonna get Cass to bring me some stuff out #doorstepdrama Jimmy: Like fuck am I gonna come back here any earlier than needs Janis: That's fun 😒 free entertainment for the neighbours, nice one 👍 Janis: at least Cass'll get a kick out of helping the outcast hero Janis: Best to let him have his paddy, yeah, he'll be begging you back when he can't figure out where the kid's school shoes are Jimmy: I wouldn't bother but I need my charger in case Bobby can't sleep. Cass shouldn't have to handle that on her own Jimmy: She's be the definition of #buzzing for this part at least Jimmy: Maybe Twix'll shit in his shoes this time, 'cause bitch be loyal Janis: Shame you can't bring them both but kidnap would technically be something to shout about Janis: They'll be alright though, she's a tough cookie and a smart kid Janis: Get Grace to facetime him a bedtime story, he'd love that and she'd feel like she's doing jackanory, like Janis: We can only hope girl comes thru Jimmy: He'll take her up on that if I don't. Boy is 💕 for Gracie Jimmy: You're not about to get off light though, Cass wants to hear from you that I'm alright Jimmy: My word isn't worth a damn apparently Janis: She ain't offering for you! Even if you're currently in her good books for taking a 🔥 photo, like Janis: Still not good enough to be her fave 🤷 Janis: Tough ground Janis: Well, she's got you there, you're not the best at using 'em 😏 100% taking the fact I'm being considered the reliable one for once Jimmy: You win this round Jimmy: Don't get too comfy with it though Jimmy: I am on my way Janis: S'lonely at the top Janis: Get on my level, boy 🥇 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude Janis: biting the hand that feeds Jimmy: Learning from your true love like Janis: I won't stand such slander on her good name Janis: she's a revenge shitter only not a biter 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I'm having a smoke, you joining me or am I coming knocking? Janis: Lungs won't thank me but Pablo would if he knew how close he was to getting a smackdown Janis: Save me some I'm running Jimmy: *He took it easy on this one (not for her sake, you snooze you lose, mate) having been puffing away consistently since he slammed the door on his dad's ranting 'cause he'd needed to calm down. Or shut down. Naturally, it crept up on him, as persistent, which is why he's here, huddled in another cold doorway, waiting for a distraction that'll have him forgetting the barney his dad started days before and wasn't done with yet. Argumentative prick. Jimmy was happy to let Janis have that win, the only where he wouldn't (and couldn't) compete being in this, in drowning out the shit with something that isn't. There's no hiding the smile when he sees her, if the shadows do let him get away with it, they won't for long 'cause he's closing the gap between them instantly, refusing as much of the space as he can without giving himself away for doing it as he passes the cigarette over.* Janis: *She takes the cigarette like its second-nature, kiss on his cheek, feeling the familiar dimple of his smile, like they are too. Far from it on both counts. She's not a smoker, she needs her lungs clear and strong. And she's not in love, same reasons for her heart. Simple as. Still, she could enjoy the benefits of both without committing, couldn't she? Why not. It's not like she's faking either, just...dipping her toes. Only likely to incur minor damage, she reckoned she could take that and still get away laughing. Sure. Long drag before passing it back because without needing to even look his way, (though she did regardless, studious expression taking in his tight, stressed as shit, posture right now), she knew he needed it more. Janis jogs her legs up and down, 'brring' in the cold Winter night air.* You alright then? *She adds, as if they're just meeting on her doorstep by chance, not for reason. She smirks, shaking her head at herself, nudging his side.* Jimmy: *With the cigarette back between his fingers and the girl by his side he gets what he needs, the familiarity a reminder that this is his normal, not what he rushed to leave behind. To pick up his girlfriend for dinner his dad will have to drop this, rely on moody silence to show how he really feels and his own fakery, in this woman's company, for what he thinks he should. They all know how to handle the first, years under their belts, and the second idea's even more temporary. Fuck it. Jimmy could make a single cigarette last longer than his dad's current relationships, and had done, sometimes. Not this one though. Nah. He wasn't the dickhead to keep his girlfriend shivering while he pissed about blowing smoke in the dark. He took a final drag before flicking it away to meet Janis's contact with his own, using his now free hand to gently brush a loose curl from her cheek.* Yeah, mate, you? Janis: *Janis scrunches her nose up, batting his hand away, mix of bashfulness and banter, blown with a raspberry. Turns out, sex is alright, stunning review there, indescribably better than alright obviously but- its the smaller, everyday moments of intimacy, that had flown under her radar when she wasn't receiving them, that she still finds herself flinching from, or covering up said flinch with some kind of bullshit she finds it easier to wear, to shoulder.* Fine. *She blurts out, flustered and being a little sharp with it. Get it together. More jokes, forever skirting around serious, not getting too real or too deep 'cos they both know there's no coming back and why ruin it and- She peers at him, like he's a dog in Crufts, pretending to shine a torn in his eyes, checking his teeth, that kinda shit.* Hmm, healthy enough specimen. Gonna give me anything else to give to your Sister though, like? Dunna if 'yeah' is gonna get her off the phone in a hurry, to be honest. Not that I give a shit, or nothin', don't get it twisted. *She grins, turning to the door and then back again, lingering, reluctant to open the door yet, knowing they'd get descended upon by someone almost immediately. All fun and games. Still, there wasn't a world in which she was gonna turn him down and have him out on the street, like. No way.* Jimmy: *He plays along as though it's still a game and why not? He's just admitted to himself how used to fakery he is, being a family trait like, with both of them for him to thank. Not that he's sparing a thought for his mum, first or second. Not now. He told himself no more slips with the girl beside him and meant that just as much. More. It's easier to stick to on every level, and he does, ruffling her hair fully when he gets the chance. Eyebrows raised and an expression of his own ready to wear. This, he can keep up all night, same as the exaggerated huff that he let's escape, like a Twix snore, into the night along with the shrug that follows.* Use your skills, throw in as many hashtags as it takes to put her at ease. Throw in a selfie if she still isn't convinced. Me sleeping sound should do it. * He's joking but not wrong for it, not able to remember a time when he fell asleep before the other two. Cass'd be beyond 'shook' to even see a fake out of him getting a good forty winks. Jimmy smirks through the thought, forcing it to pass.* You got this, girl* He retorts it in the best mimicry of how Mia and that crowd speaks that his accent can do, wincing slightly both at the impression and idea of them being around. Still, he claws some of his 'clout' back with a challenging look that adds 'What else have you got.' 'cause who are they if there's not a challenge ongoing. As if to emphasis this, he goes towards the door himself, pushing it open with more daring than he actually feels. * Gonna invite me in then, or what? Janis: *She kisses her teeth angrily, full on 'boy, if you don't stop-' vibes, planting a balled fist in his stomach, gentle warning like, no need to assault him before the family saw to it with their over-the-top nature and curiosity. She knew it would but it was getting to her more than she imagined even. The cooing and awwing or the piss-taking and wink-wink nudge-nude of it all, whatever approach they took, why did they have to? What business was it of theirs? Of anyones? Why did there always have to be a song and dance about everything? The hot takes she'd never ask for. Ruined everything. Why did they care? About this? About her? Just fuck right off. Messy. Too messy. Family, feelings- fuck it all. She used to kid herself, couple of years ago, when it happened, that she'd move out as soon as she could and that'd be it. They'd leave her alone. And she could just exist. Run, sleep and repeat. And that is all she'd have to do. No thinking or feeling ever. But she knew better now. They weren't just going to disappear, even if she changed postcodes. Even Edie couldn't manage that. And she had really tried. The others didn't want to. So she was stuck. Here in the land of the living. Forced to participate, like it or not. Then Jim had come along. Made her like it, a little bit, like. And he'd made her think maybe she could add to her shortlist of approved activities. But let her think about that for too long and she always came to the same conclusion; that she was a fucking idiot and it'd all end in tears. She sighed, overexaggerating it last minute to pretend it was in reply to his showy huffing and puffing.* Not my skill-set, kid. You were always better at it than me. Not just the snappin', like. Right up until you jumped ship for a pretty face, #commitment. *She laughs.* But for Cass, I'll see what I can do. *Cringing at the accent-attempt and gasping in mock-horror at the invocation of Mia and co. (as if say their names three times and they'll appear to tell you your outfit is ugly) she puts a finger to his lips, pushing him behind her at the same time so she can lead the way in too.* Ta-dah! *She flourishes, with a shrug to say 'you asked for this' 'cos there was no hiding now. The downstairs open-plan, parentals unconvincingly 'busying' themselves in the kitchen. Iggy, Diego, Gus and (thank fuck, 'cos we know who's the likeliest to be a prick here) Pablo so far unaccounted for, Grace watching telly, curled up with her phone as per. Janis was ready to bolt up to her room, not so much as a hello but reckoned Jimmy wouldn't want the rep of being her 'rude boyfriend' (as concerned as he was with opinion clearly, bless) so she shouts out 'Jim's here', eyes on the stairs, giving them five seconds to respond before she was up 'em, like.* Jimmy: *The house makes him feel the same as it did the first time he was here once he's through the door again, thankfully though the urge to whistle is muted today, full of sobriety as he is, in every sense. He knew her family weren't renters in over their heads like his from day 1, it isn't just that like. He isn't just some reverse snob, it's everything here they haven't had to buy, and he couldn't if he had armfuls of cash. The 'vibe' he'd probably call it if he was Grace or her crowd. Still, he nods at everyone about as if it's common place for him to him to be greeted by a warmth that's nowt to do with temperature.* Evening. *He's got his smile back on but Jimmy's hand is scratching the back of his neck before he can stop it giving him away and all he can do is 'reckon' on Janis being too caught up on her own family dynamics to call him out for his lack of. That's the real #goals, isn't it? He thinks to himself, trying to shake these feelings off him without moving. Or sighing. You massive dickhead. Grace waves at him without looking up from her phone screen, a slice of his home life #relatable enough he can follow her sister's gaze with a decent smirk and a readiness to deal with what's gonna come down. Need's must had him here in the first place, alright, but now he's made it as far as asking to be let in, he'd like to stay. Not only be a grumpy twat Janis is stuck with, but a laugh she wants to stay about. In her gaff and out of it. When nobody immediately appears he heads up himself, not forgetting her insistence to lead the way before, he looks over his shoulder at her, obvious with it that's there's nowt for her to do now but keep up.*  Unlucky, mate. You're not getting off that easy, we've got a whole night ahead. Janis: *Janis is holding herself rigid, eyes fixed as tight and strong on her parents letting them know in no uncertain terms to behave...and they did? Leaving it at cheery hellos and promises of dinner being done in about half an hour if they fancied it. Hm. First time for everything. Letting disbelief at their ability to be normal for once in their friggin' lives (where had this been all the other times she'd begged them/the universe for it?!) carry her up the stairs behind Jim. She let him flounder in the burrow-like corridors of upstairs, so different to the openness of the downstairs, that'll teach you to go ahead, boy, she thought with a smirk, now pushing in front with arms wide open.* Pick a door, any door! *She laughed, heading to her own before he actually did, not knowing who was in.* Welcome to my humble-abode... *She added, as they were over the threshold, kicking her gym bag, over-spilling with laundry, aside. She sat down on her unmade bed to assess, from outsiders, from his, eyes. Not here enough anymore that it was critically messy, that was good; old posters covering up old holes in the plaster from older anger, nothing cringe, thankfully but- It was a bit sad, to be honest...bare, lacking...anything, personality, life. She sighed. Red-faced from embarrassment and redder still from anger at feeling that embarrassment. She didn't care about herself, yeah. And what? And what is that her room said as much in no uncertain terms and having him see it was just- well. Shaming. Time for a joke.* If this setting don't get you in the mood, I don't know what will. Jimmy: *10 kids, he reminds himself, when he reaches the top and is met with an upstairs that belongs to a different house. That disconnect continues, growing, when Janis opens one of the doors in the maze. Hers. He's got no room to judge, none of his house looks lived in yet, as if Cass can protest having to by refusing to help unpack, knowing he doesn't have (or want to make, 'cause there's enough stuff in there for it to be boring, but then there's what's missing too, which is worse. Depressing.) the time to tackle the unopened box on his own after months. He isn't. Judging, that is. But he can't stop himself looking about, eyes focusing again on what there is, and isn't. What it means. And doesn't. Fuck. What a pair, they are like. Jimmy has to say something, silence will have her thinking all kinds of shit that isn't right. Least of all that he's a twat. Which, sort of is. He's equipped to be that though, which is something. He can easily grin at her, fall into simple, old habits. Banter by numbers that'll be #nodrama for her to throw back at him. 'Cause whatever his dad might think right now, he's not the dickhead trying to make everything harder. Why would he? The day to day shit already has that covered. So he aims his biggest 'heart eyes' at her, from the earliest days of their fakery, hiding any real expression in the over-the-topness of it all, for her as much as him (he tells himself, without needing much convincing with the blush spotted. It isn't thanks his charms, they both know. But in a second they can pretend it's his cringe factor.)* Only got eyes for you, babe. We could be anywhere. *Still, even as he's mocking himself with mimicking throwing up in his mouth, before she can, naturally, passed that, somewhere real he's deciding that should she suggest getting out of here to elsewhere tonight he's not about to fight it. Wherever they end up. #nocringe. It'd be too much of a lie to act like asking to come here was too much and everything that's come after, as a result, is too. He shouldn't have done it and there's no wonder everything's been off since. Her room could be the same as downstairs and he wouldn't wanna stay there, would he? It's his 'vibe' fucking things. Cheers dad. Jimmy sighs, throwing himself on the bed, and turning it into the appreciative whistle he didn't do at the door. Fucking hell.* Janis: *The eye-roll comes so hard it has her reeling, spinning out in her own head. At least, its better for them both if she pretends that's what's got her feeling dazed and disorientated. Sick with not knowing how to play this. No 'oh my, a boy in my room!' giddiness, fuck that shit. It was 'oh my, having to spend time in this depressing pit'. And his hand forced to spend his time here too. It'd be different if he had wanted to. Maybe. Okay, probably not. But if he had wanted to then they really wouldn't care where they were, paying no mind to anything but each other, not like his car was a lambo or like she'd given two fucks then, so it might've been tolerable. Ignorable, at the very least. But he HAD to be here. Nowhere else to go. That paired with how this room inadvertently showed all her cards had her feeling as bare as their surroundings, #exposed as they would say for the craic. Not that she was mad at him for not begging to sleepover just 'cos he wanted her so bad, again, fuck that shit hard. Not that girl. Everything was just weird and off and it didn't lend itself to a good night's sleep for either of 'em, she was willing to bet. She shrugged, those muscles so overworked, never skipped, massaging at the tension there in vain. Bounced from the dramatic way he flung himself down, she rests herself down on her elbow beside him, face to face.* If you want, we can go to the Barn. Its kitted out, like- *She pauses, thinking back on the times when it had been a place they all made Diego's films together, the times it had been Edie and Rio's bedroom, sneaking in there with them, leaving Grace alone in the dark of their old shared room. Now, well- She spent even less time in there than she did here. Only venturing when it was so dark and she felt so alone, it just felt right to hide out in there; harking back to all those many nights she'd sneak out, praying Edie would be there again, and to the one night, she was. Tucked up in her bed as if she'd never left. As if she wasn't really there. But she was. She was. And she'd gestured for her to get in with her and they'd just held each other...Janis holding on for dear life, determined to NEVER let go, so she couldn't leave again. She thought she felt the same desperation, in the way her big sister clutch to her too, almost hurting her but she would have never of complained. Determined to keep her in sight, eyes wide open and staring into hers, barely visible in the dark but there. She was there. Of course, she had fell asleep, and of course, when she awoke, the sun was up and Edie was gone. She was just a fucking kid, like. 'A fucking failure is what you were. And are.' She shook her head. At least the barn HAD memories, more than you could say of the box room she'd relegated herself too. No longer able, or needing to share with anyone. Not Grace. Or Rio and Edie. They'd all gone. Empty rooms to fill.* All mod cons and a comfy bed, like. But you can keep that between us and add to your sob story, yeah? *She mimics the tiny violin he was always sending, #IRLShade like, hoping the piss-taking would distract from the disjointed nature she'd made that offer in. Ghosts refusing to let her go, let her be with him fully. She never could be. It was the sad kind of hurt when you just know, know that whatever you're doing, or want to do, won't work. And knowing this and knowing you're gonna hurt the other person, so far so clueless. Oh, Jim. Why do you think I was on my own when you met me, boy?* Jimmy: *He's fucked it instantly, looking at her too hard, all the bollocks stripped back and away by how close she is, suddenly, though he should have expected it. Not like her bed's big enough for anything much else, but he never does, somehow. Still. Ever. Breathing hurts but he forces himself not to keep it shallow, refusing to swap places so soon when she was meant to be the one swooning. Fake or not. And there's so much real shit he wants to say, but can't. Again, too much. It leaves him only inhaling and sighing, brooding like the kinda poser he isn't trying to be on any day. Least of all this one. Does it matter though? It doesn't feel like it when his hand drops before it can reach out, touch her in any way, jokes as out of bounds as anything. He isn't meant to be lost with her, but tonight doesn't give a fuck about that, does it? He jumps on the offer a change, nodding, frantic for a kick that'd have him behaving like less of a dick. Please. The fucking break he hasn't asked her for is there, inching closer to letting itself be said, and he's scared of that, going there like.* Alright. *He wants to give himself a smack for how quiet he sounds. Serious. Okay knobhead, calm it. Good luck following that through when you know you've got none though, Jim. He's up and taking her hand before he can dwell on it, moving to take the lead as far as retracing their steps and being out. He can handle that geography. Jimmy does allow himself a pause small enough only to draw a cross over his heart playfully once she's played the violin for him. Thanks, mate. It's almost spoken aloud 'cause of the relief the familiarity of it , brought here and now, comforts him. Alright, calm it again, tosser. But yeah, that works, letting him. He walks stretching their linked hands as far as possible while staying connected, laughing genuinely, still soft but out there. He draws a quick tick over the same space, hurriedly.* Done. Janis: Alright. *She confirms with a nod as serious as his close-to-silence was. Couldn't accuse him of being a man of too MANY words usually, like, but still, spoke volumes, didn't it? Could write friggin' volumes on how badly she was fucking it up with him now. That's what you did after break-ups, right? Write wanky (in all the ways) poetry. Fuck that. Get the fuck out of your own head, fucking eejit! Now! He's still here yet. She seized the conversation by the balls, 'fore it got away from her grasp again, immediately adding-* Alright, alright, alright! *Matthew McConaughey style. 'Cos Christ, someone had to cut through the tension and she weren't about to invite the fam up to give it a go. Fuck that, too. Even if it was awkward as arse, to say the least, and the dead and buried past was unearthing itself just to try drag her under tonight- she still wanted it to be just them. Him and her, fuck the rest. And that was something. Even if that was all she could get, all she still had. She'd cling to that with bleeding, broken nails, jaw clamped, teeth sunk deep in the flesh of it. It was something. She was so fucking used to, so fucking sick of, nothing. A promise, or a prayer, she repeated it over and over, 'til she near believed it herself. With this in mind, she pulls on the hand that is leading her, pulls him back, understanding his rush and only wanting to slow it for one thing. She mimics shooting him where he had been tracing, where she wants to trail her own fingers badly, as he draws in, she puts her fist over his heart, thumping up and down, up and down, before exploding out- And with that, she kisses him, as desperate as he was to take up her offer and run, she needed this more. And she had never known anything she needed more than to run. But she did. She did.* Done. *She mirrors, drawing her lips away from his, with a smirk. Ahead again, one foot on the top step.* Jimmy: *He's about to descend back into mockery, the words 'all about the obscure refs, you' there, ready to go if he's willing to release them, thoughts already going backward, onto the typed convo where she tried to give him an artsy education, school him about muses, all of that, but before he can take the step she's pulling him, literally to where she's forced a stop. In the first second he's tense, thinking it's a full one, that she's done with him and the company he isn't being tonight, but before he can fall further into his pit (he's in there enough, prior that she's tried to dig at him with her best McConaughey, for fuck's sake) he all but floats out. There's no # that could cover this in his stunted imagination, he thinks, before his brain shuts off. The kiss is more than the break he didn't have the balls to ask for (though it lasts about as long as the one he'd gave her, standing on some twat's marble floor). It's a separation from all the shit that's been running him ragged for days, forcing him to run here in the first place. Jimmy knows then that he'll stay, has to, not 'cause there's nowhere else to go, but 'cause nowhere else exists when she kisses him like that. Fuck. It basically escapes, not as the word, but in sound that he can't escape either. Doesn't want to. The only thing he cares about is keeping this close to her and knowing she's alright with him being there. More than fucking alright like.* Nah mate *He retorts breathlessly, clawing back some strength back only as his hands find her hips and use the grip he's found there to spin her body round to face him. He isn't done yet, there's no chance. Not now she's given him one to erase the last few days and land him back into decent ones with her. Jimmy's an echo of how he was after running from Mr Lucas and he's not letting go of that. What for? 'Cause his dad wants him to. Fuck that and fuck him. What was he done with was feeling like shit. So of course he kissed her again, sinking only into the depths of that, trying to say everything with it that he couldn't verbally. Needing to have a go even though it meant hearing Janis' clatter into the beginnings of the banister with the force of everything he was desperate for her to know, 'cause if he pulled back then that'd be it and he's not having that. Fuck no. He's lost enough, tonight's bed being the least of it. Janis: *If she was going to complain, (she wasn't), he doesn't give her the time, or space, to do so. Exactly what they both needed; and she didn't need to reckon that. Crashing together, crashing into the wall, like. No room for anything to come between 'em, not their thoughts or past or any of that bullshit; all blurring into background nothingness, where it belonged. In these moments, there was nothing but them and their need. And it was good. Really good. The kind of good she didn't need to second-guess or overthink. Just be in it and soak in every second, every touch, the heat and feel of his skin against hers, alive, human, real. The violence of the urgency, the competitive one-upping- Not only keeping it interesting (to say the fucking least) but keeping it as something she could understand, something that didn't scare the living shit out of her, frankly. Easy as breathing, this; Though both theirs was heavy now, laboured from the control of letting some of said go, whilst not losing themselves to it so wholly that they alerted someone to it, spoiling their fun for the second time in a week. A game of meeting every kiss of his with more, and then some. Biting, tugging at his bottom lip in, trying in vain to make the kiss even deeper. Nails dug into his shoulders, pulling him down with her as her back slid down the wall, him sat at the top of the stairs, her on his lap. 'How did you stop yourself though?' A faint voice in the back of her mind pondered, with no intention to found within her. Clearly, they needed the Mr. Lucas' of the world or they'd never get anything else done. Clearly channeling the man himself, Pablo chose this time to appear out of his room, quite literally stumbling onto the scene, and them, Janis sticking out an arm (and jumping off Jim's lap) with lightning reflexes so he didn't topple down the fucking stairs.* Oops, watch it... *She didn't have time (nor desire) to be embarrassed. Her older Brother's mumbly, half-asleep grumbles of 'a-fucking-gain? Really Janis?!' and promises to 'have words with you, later!' to Jim, had her creasing. When Pablo was out of sight, and out of mind as soon as, she rested her head on the shoulder she'd left nailmarks in, kissing it gently though she wasn't particularly sorry about it.* Jimmy: *It isn't until she has to save him from hitting the bottom of the stairs with a thud that he even sorts out in his head again where they are, beyond the abstract bollocks of 'together' and all that. It takes that much to get through to him, but he isn't sorry, 'cause he isn't alone in it. If he's falling, figuratively as well as the near literal, then she is too. And that's alright by him. More than fucking alright, as per like. Jimmy can laugh through this interruption, at what it takes to pull them apart now (unlucky Mr Lucas but you probably won't cut it next time) adding to it himself with the breathless whisper of 'fucking hell, mate' that finds only her ear as he shakes his head affectionately at the pair of 'em. Janis' brother's appearance (along with anything he might have said) forgotten as soon as it's happened, same as before. If they'd been any room for it he might have felt bad for the lad, keeping mugging him off like that, but he still wants what he wants. Needs, honestly. There's no forgetting, or ignoring that any 'itch' has only been scratched so far as to make it more 'itchier', more noticeable in the first place. It's a crap analogy but it's what's there as he pulls her down the stairs and back towards the door, rougher and noisier that he would if he could make a string of thoughts or words fit together properly to promise her that this still isn't done. Jimmy 'reckons' in a semi coherent idea that he'll barricade the barn door with any or all manner of shit, once they are there,  to guarantee no more interruptions tonight. Bet on that, mate, his expression says, as they go. Jinx. Fuck. He almost kicks the door in frustration upon hearing the shout for dinner, her dad's head catching them as 'ready' for it. Pfft. No chance. It smells good, yeah, but there's no contest. Janis feels, looks and smells incredible like. Meals can wait, they always did at his, even when he had his mum there to do his job of moving a tray of something from freezer to cooker, or his pop's of fetching a takeaway when in from work, there was no sitting down at a this or that time. No table to eat at either, just the sofa, or his bed when he was being the type of utter dickhead that only a certain age manages, whenever it was put in front of him. Here at Janis, that time, was right now. And worse, ('cause of course there's worse with his English luck) before he can do a dash that'd have that school day looking like slo-mo, his stomach rumbles, sealing the deal and their fates. His girlfriend has never let him go hungry yet. Shit. To be continued then.*